Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 6

Shaking Off 2017: Looking Forward and Tackling the Big Things

Today’s post will be short and sweet, and likely repetitive, since I’ve done all the year-end update posts possible and we’re not yet past January 1st—not that my goals are ready to go anyway. I still need to take a day to sit down and lay out my goals, to figure out how I want to organize them. I’ve been thinking about it, but I haven’t actually set my vision to paper.

What I have gotten stuck on today is thinking about my trending issues in 2017, namely, a lack of focus, an unparalleled ability to waste time, and a lack of motivation. While all three of these issues are interrelated, they are also easily managed; I simply haven’t spurred myself to manage them. Rather, I’ve been wallowing and using them as excuses to not get things done.

My main issue is time management, something that should be easily rectified. Honestly, I am the queen of time wasting. I know better than anyone that I have a limited amount of time on my hands to devote to my creative pursuits. And yes, I do put too much pressure on myself to devote all of my free time to my creative pursuits—I am famous for giving myself zero downtime. All around though, I know I can manage better.

The past few months has seen me devote a lot of time to self-improvement. I’m trying to learn better coping strategies when it comes to tackling the big things in my life. Self-improvement is its own reward but I would also like to grow beyond being a better functioning person. I would also like to be a productive person again. Maybe I needed the break, who knows. Either way, moving forward I need to prioritize. I’m going to do this by asking myself three questions when it comes to time consuming tasks: What do I want to bring to my endeavors? What do I want out of them? What purpose do they serve my long run game?

On my quest for time management tips I came across a phrase that truly spoke to me: There’s always time, the key is to prioritize.

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Ink Link Roundup -blog planning lists and Frida Kahlo

We’re in that special week just before New Year’s Eve when everyone is looking around wondering how they’re going to tackle 2018. If you’re a blogger, this list is for you!

 

And if you’re tired of the holidays, here’s a write up on the inimitable Frida Kahlo and her turbulent relationship with Diego Rivera. Calgary folk, did you know the Glenbow will have a Kahlo exhibit starting in February? Elisa can’t wait!

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2017 Goals: Final Check

This year has challenged me in many, many ways, and I’ve come out better for it. I didn’t make all the goals I set, but this has been a year of kicking ass. (In case you want a reminder, here are the goals I set at the start of the year.)

Writing.

I started the year with two rejections and finished it with no submissions. I finished the novel draft, but lost track of my tallies for non-writing days. (Though I feel like my writing habit returned to a level I’m happy with again.) My more recent goal of giving the novel another pass by the end of the year? Yeah, that went nowhere. Though I finally have my hands on a book I’ve needed to read for research purposes for year, plus I got feedback on it and have an idea of what I want to accomplish with the next round.

I set NaNo goals. I didn’t make the numbers, but it made my point: to get my writing groove back! With an infant, the writing life is a very different beast.

Back at work, my December writing goals have turned out overly optimistic. As the baby is more and more independent of me, they will become realistic again. In the meantime, I’m still making progress!

Theatre.

Let this go down in history as the first year I was paid to act! Too token to claim on taxes, but I revel in simply the concept of it. And three auditions in a week and a half is a record for me, let alone at four months pregnant.

It will take me longer to figure out the theatre balance with an infant than writing balance, but on New Year’s Eve, I’m taking part in a reading of some Fractured Fairytales. We’ll see how bad of an idea this turns out to be…

Travel.

I made it to Northampton, MA for my ten year college reunion, and later to Quincy, MA for Reader Con. So Success!

Social Media.

I think I got this one. Instagram is great, and even my personal blog is not languishing. Go me!

I wanted to make this post less of a recap, more of an analysis (celebration) of how far I’ve come this year – holy crap, I have a baby! – but it’s Christmas. Well, the last few minutes of Christmas. So you can look forward to that post later, but for now, I’m going to sleep.

How was your holiday, if you celebrate it? And if not, how was your day?

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2017 Goals Final Check In

I’m doing my final goal check in a bit early this year because I’m lacking in the ideas department. I’ve also hit the part of the holiday season where I’m ready to be done. I am ready to push into 2018, so I’m more than ready to let 2017 go.

Overall how do I feel about my goals? Not stellar. I’m unhappy about my lack of management rather than my lack of success, but the very design of my list did not help on this front. I believe I discussed this in my tracker update post. In any case, the entire approach to my goals will be highly redesigned come the New Year.

Here’s how my year shaped up:

Write at least 3 days a week –Since May I have not missed a week. Has this proven to be a fruitful goal? Ultimately, no. While I believe the edict that a writer can never wait for the muse, forcing it how I’ve been forcing it the past few months does not work either. I need a better commitment to projects and the act of writing itself.
Submit each short story at least three times over the year –Apparently my skin has grown thin in recent years. After one rejection I bailed on this goal. Yes, I’ve been atrociously busy, but if I wanted to, I could have found the time for this.
Read a minimum of 68 books over the year –I have to repeat myself: Again, I have good reading weeks and I have bad reading weeks. I’m in the midst of a terrible reading time. My life lacks balance in this area.
Write a new short story –I dropped the ball on this one, there’s no other way to say it.
Learn how to meditate –I have done very well with this goal and feel comfortable crossing it off my list.
Keep up the good exercise trend! –Despite losing an exercise day during the week more often than not, I’ve done a better job balancing exercise than I ever thought I was capable of. It’s a nice feeling.
Cook –I have plans—real plans—concerning this in 2018.
Try something new –I’ve done so many new things this year that I’m surprised my nerves aren’t more frayed. I am happily crossing this off the list!
Look on the bright side and lose the frustration –As always, this is a work in progress. Lately, I haven’t excelled in the progress department. I give myself a failing grade for this last quarter.
Participate in NaNoWriMo 2017 and exceed 2015’s word count –As we’re all aware, I bowed out of NaNo this year in late October. I simply could not fit it into my schedule and remain healthy.
Finish writing RA2 –This is a big fail.
Turn RA1 into a readable manuscript –See the above comment.
Read outside my comfort zone: Add plays and poetry –I’ve had a topsy turvy reading year. Really, it’s been an odd media consumption year. I’ll be adding this to my list again because like I said last time, the poetry book I want to read is literally sitting beside me waiting to be opened.
Change one habit each month to be greener –I’m not sure how measurable this goal has been in the past three months. I haven’t reverted back to any bad habits in the very least.
Leave the day job at the day job –I’ve done a bit better with this goal recently and desperately hope I can maintain that since we are losing one of my favourite coworkers after today. Darn her and her desire to grow as a person!
Make time for hobbies –Again I must repeat myself: I don’t know why I neglect the things that make me happy.
Learn how to make a t-shirt quilt –Alas, my lack of planning here has come to bite me. Somehow I knew it would.
Be more social –100% crossed off the list.
Explore different writing communities –Yet another one moved to 2018.
Be accountable to the 6 month plan –I am merrily crossing this off my list.

I can’t say I’m standing where I had hoped on the writing front right now, but on a personal level I have certainly shown a lot of growth. Did I live up to my word of the year: Balance? In part. Can I see where the ultimate balance issues have reared their head? In part.

I think I’ve learned enough about myself this year and what I am capable of balancing in my current milieu to enable me to set better, easier to achieve goals—more like approaching my goals with steps instead of having easy goals.

Since I won’t be posting again before the holidays Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and Happy Holidays to everyone!

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Ink Link Roundup -book launches and funny alternate titles

While Elisa is nowhere near ready to launch a book of any kind, she appreciates how other writers have tried the different options so she can make the best possible decision down the road.

Melissa says, for a great laugh, check out these alternate titles for well known books.

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Revising Expectations. Again.

Expectations are funny things. I’m trying to be ok with the likelihood that I won’t make an important goal. I probably won’t make it, even though I made it easy on myself and set the bar low.

Which goal? Submitting two pieces.

Ludicrous, isn’t it? 365 days, lots of downtime, and lots of writing, but I still didn’t manage it.

In many ways, this whole year has just slipped by me. No one warned me how much brain space just the fact of being pregnant would occupy, even aside from the hormonal chemistry (the effects of which I largely escaped).

Expectations are meant to be broken, for good or bad. I set writing targets for December in this post, but even those goals are quickly slipping out of reach. I underestimated the motivating energy from the collective NaNo community, the impact of returning to work even part-time, the holiday stress and busyness, and even my own inertia.

I am behind. My word count for the month is not what I had anticipated by this point. The short story I’d hoped to submit has to be in by the end of the month, but I haven’t even finished the rough draft. I’m lucky if I can get 300 words in a day on the story, and I haven’t managed that in over a week. I don’t anticipate finishing the rough draft, let alone polishing it for submission, before the end of the year.

As for the solution, I don’t know. I am in the process of applying for a program that would offer a sort of mentorship and support for getting submissions out in the world. I’ll let you know how it goes!

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6 Month Writing Plan Final Update

It’s that time of year—that being final update time. Today’s update is all about my 6 Month Writing Plan, which I introduced in February, updated in July, and decided to scrap completely at the beginning of this month.

Reading my initial post, even my update post, was somewhat bittersweet given the amount of excitement I had over my tracker. But that’s nothing new, I’m always excited about my latest productivity plans. This time though, I think if I had stayed on top of the actual tracking and looking into story markets, the entire plan really would have worked for me.

This year was simply not the year for it. I had far too much going on in so many aspects of my life. The 6 Month Writing Plan wasn’t a bad idea, and all of my positive points are still valid from my first post—like having an unignorable reminder on my wall and physically seeing the time go by—but I drowned in the cons outlined in my last two posts (the constant backtracking that turned into wasted creative time).

I will say I did much better maintaining my writing target goal during my second six months because I was so mad at myself for missing 4 weeks during the first half of the year. However, I started feeling some resentment towards my tracker in the past couple of months. Getting useless words down because I say I have to is not something I’m going to be carrying forward in the New Year.

I think my theme for next year might have to be to simplify. Not a lot about my life is going to change from how it currently sits in 2018, so I need a plan for how to maximize the time I’ve got.

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Ink Link Roundup –weapons against inertia and braving the wilds

This post about starting your creative project, finding the courage to persevere, and forgiving yourself in order to start again is exactly what Elisa needed to read right now. One of the best sentences from it:

Persistence is the best weapon against inertia.

Permission to Begin. Courage to Continue. Forgiveness to Try Again.

Elisa is no avid outdoorsperson, she loves being in nature but loves coming home from nature even more. Still, books about people stuck in the wilds are some of her favourites.

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National Novel Writing Month: Final Check-In

Kathleen is back this week to report how her NaNoWriMo went!

It’s been over a week since National Novel Writing Month 2017 ended—past time for me to give you my check-in #3 post*, which concludes this series.

First, some stats:

Total word count for November: 35,006
Total word count for NaNo novel: 28,087
Words added to and retained in the novel: 22,433
Daily word count average: 1,166
Last day my word count was on track to win: Day 12
Days I worked on the novel: 11 out of 30
Novel timeline progress: finished Day 4 and began Day 5…of 20
Current novel word count: 53,247
Projected novel word count: 95,000.

In sum, I didn’t win.

I suspected that might happen and wrote about it in check-in post #2, and while I do have to wonder whether acknowledging that possibility didn’t undermine me in some way…there were other things I started recognizing at that point that didn’t help either:

Getting stuck. My natural writing rhythm of spitting out 3-6k once every 3 or 4 days, then my subconscious needing time to puzzle out what would happen next. Wanting to publish the novel, and thus needing to compass my way through it instead of pantsing it (see check-in post #2). Mental health issues. Having my housemate and live-in NaNo buddy stalled on her novel and out of town the last week and a half of November. Being blindsided by the gift of a rambunctious puppy after Thanksgiving.

The cumulative effect of these obstacles, however, was my #1 problem: not prioritizing the novel and keeping my focus on it when not at the day job.

A lot of things worked against me in weeks 2 and 4, but not actively focusing on my novel during those weeks the way I did in weeks 1 and 3 definitely hurt me. On the odd weeks, I listened to music that made me think of my novel on my commute home. I’d get the current scene in my head and consider it from different angles, try out dialogue, consider emotional beats, and map the character and relationship arcs in my head and pinpoint where that scene fell in the big picture of the novel. I’d be edging towards home through rush hour traffic with full-on Writer Face (mine is often confused with Murder Face) while the energy and impetus to write built up in my blood and bones and consumed my focus. I’d get home, let out and feed the dog, sit down with both water and a sugary drink within arm’s reach, and start writing. Dinner, changing out of work clothes, and household chores all had to wait until the spirit left me for the night, signaling it was time to stop writing and return to life as a mundane. (It was always too soon. *sigh*)

During Week 1 I had all the support structures I needed to win NaNo (see check-in post #1). Weeks 2 through 4 those structures started falling away. When that started, I fell behind and couldn’t catch up.

Weekly stats:

Week 1: wrote 13,149 words in 4 days
Week 2: wrote 7,914 words in 3 days
Week 3: wrote 6,533 words in 3 days
Week 4: wrote 491 words in 1 day

Every week except the last, I had a 5k day (2 in week 1). I’m surprised, looking at this breakdown, that I wrote more in week 2 than in week 3. Looking at my NaNo word count breakdown by day, however, it’s easy to see my Week 2 slump actually began at the end of the week and carried through most of week 3.

These stats might not be as interesting to you as they are to me, and if that’s true I apologize. I’m realizing as I do the math and break things down for this post that it might be time to start tracking my daily word count via spreadsheet the way I used to. Seeing these stats is giving me a more accurate picture of my November writing progress than my memory presented. M.J. King found an interesting web site that’ll show your writing stats in a similar fashion to NaNo’s, but is available year-round, and shows them in a number of ways, for a number of projects. (Please encourage her to post about it! I’m strongly considering using it now…)

So yeah. Although I did well when all the support structures I mentioned in my Week 1 check-in post were in place, I didn’t manage to win NaNo this year. Given the amount of work I did on the novel in November, however, I am okay with that.

National Novel Writing Month isn’t for everyone, and from what I’ve learned about myself this go-round, the official challenge isn’t for me when it comes to writing novels I really care about. That said, the momentum and impetus to write that NaNoWriMo brings, the group support and camaraderie and energy it lends, and the ability to easily track one’s writing progress over a 30-day period, are all things I’ll happily borrow every November. Modified NaNo challenges are great! One year I decided to finish an incomplete short story every week, and I know of an author who does “National Novel Finishing Month”—she uses NaNo to finish a handful of her incomplete novels.

The best writing techniques to use are the ones that work for you. If that means doing the official NaNoWriMo challenge, go for it! If that means modifying the challenge, do it! If that means riding the momentum of thousands of authors hunkered down in the writing trenches to get words written or editing done, go with it! A writer is someone who writes; do whatever (healthily) helps you write more. As long as you’re making progress, you’re winning.

*This post has been brought to you by: Math!**

**…And word count geekery.

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Why Do I Feel Obligated?

It’s the Christmas season in my world which means I am in the midst of figuring out what I’m buying, who I’m buying for, and who I’m mailing cards to. I am so bloody behind that I am like a chicken with my head cut off—an analogy I’ve used more times than I care to count this year. My last course, and my recently flourishing social life, have caused me to get much further behind than I am accustomed to being at this point in December.

Mostly, I’ve figured everything out, but over-tired me did have a mini pity party this week. Once that was over I had to give my head a shake and ask why on earth I was putting so much pressure on myself. The same was asked by someone I enlisted for idea assistance. I didn’t have an answer.

I thought back to when I enjoyed gift-buying, when I looked forward to the entire activity of delivering presents to people. Then I tried to figure out what made this year different. I realized that I felt obligated to buy for certain people, and that was sucking the fun out of everything. No one expects me to buy for them, or go all out for them, so why do I expect it? Why do I feel obligated? I like to give gifts for the sheer joy of seeing peoples’ faces light up. That is the best part of gift-buying for me: Finding that perfect something and seeing someone’s face pop into your head and knowing you have to get it for them.

This led me to think of other moments where I’ve drowned in ire due to feelings of obligation. Apparently I have grossly negative feelings when it comes to that word.

I’m wondering now if this odd association is also causing me some issues with my writing. I do feel obligated to get in my three days a week and I have been pushing those days to the last minute which means I have to get words down when I am feeling less than inspired. There are also days when I feel obligated to draft up a blog post when I feel absolutely dry idea-wise and tapped energy-wise.

Lately I find I am doing more things because I feel I have to do them rather than because I want to do them. It’s not the best outlook on life and it’s not making much of anything fun. The kicker is no one is making me feel obligated aside from myself.

With all my goal and task revamping in 2018 I plan to address this problem as well. It’s yet another item added to the list. But it’s an important one. I like doing stuff, I dislike feeling obligated. I need to find the right a balance.

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