Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink

Goals Check-in: 2018, The Third

In this goals check-in, I have failure to report, as well as progress, and some extras!

Failing

First, the failures: blogging. I haven’t gotten better, only worse. Having a baby to run after is hard, folks. (And these days, I certainly do have to run!) This means that all my great plans have amounted to exactly nil, including the sharing of work that I love. And my intentions for that YouTube project? Almost entirely off the radar for the past three months. Creative time? Not even a passing thought since my last update, which sucks because summer was the best opportunity with the sheer number of people available to baby-watch.

Succeeding

I’ll do my best not to recap prior check-in posts (here and here), which did a decent job of tackling the bulk of my goals for the year. So, here we go with the new stuff!

Travel: I made it to ReaderCon! Where I took part in a live recording of The Word Count podcast and read my story to an actual audience! And I would have made it to RoberCon in Binghamton, NY, except I hit a deer in August and the shop has so much work that we’re still waiting for that appointment.
Theatre: I auditioned for a paying gig! *fingers crossed* They won’t tell me anything for a while yet, but it was for a local summer repertory theatre where I have a few friends. Every little bit helps me stay home with the baby and keep creating.
Writing: I still haven’t queried the novel, but I have nearly finished the query letter and I have a second draft of the synopsis. Now that I’ve binge-watched the last two seasons of Doctor Who, I need to bust ass to get the query out by the end of the month. Bonus! I’m prepping to tackle a new novel!
Submitting: I SUBMITTED A SHORT STORY!!! And got rejected, but damn it, I submitted something! My husband also gave me a Duotrope subscription for my birthday! I haven’t activated it yet because I haven’t been in a headspace to put it to use, but this rejection has lit a fire.
Baby: we’re getting better at not being ridiculously late to everything! The lack of the day job has been AMAZING for this (though I still feel like I’m not doing enough for her, which I’m pretty sure never goes away). Looking forward to Christmas gift crafting with her!

Extras

Not really goals at this point, so much as things I’ve accomplished that feel notable. These are things I would have liked to have set as goals, but it either never occurred to me or I opted against in order to stack the deck in my favor. Which is a thing I do with goals because it makes me feel better when I check off all (or almost all) of them.

I’M READING AGAIN!!! So I left work in June. Before then, I’d read a grand total of ten books. For the entire year. Within a month of leaving, I’d read an additional seven, which doesn’t even include the picture books.
I’m doing NaNo/Novel in 90. This month, I plot and plan and prep, next month I write like I’m possessed, and (maybe? hopefully?) finish the novel in December.
I’m finally listening to podcasts–most notably Writing Excuses. I know, I know; I’m ridiculously late to the party, but I’ve tried before. In order to listen and actually follow a podcast, I have to be doing something else at the same time, but it has to be something I can do on autopilot. My daughter fights sleep fiercely, but loves her stroller and will sleep in that. With winter incoming, we have the bonus of an open floor plan to walk around with her inside. (Narrow roads with no shoulder, sidewalks a laughable dream, and drivers that think ten miles over the speed limit too slow all mean we don’t walk much of anywhere. Related: I really miss sidewalks.) Problem solved! Plus it makes me less sedentary.

How’s your year going?

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Preparation (for NaNo) and Revision (to Goals)

It may seem ludicrous to consider participating in National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNo, NaNoWriMo, or just November to the rest of the world) when I’ve had to cut back to posting here only once a month, but I’m doing it anyway! Well, attempting it. With as much advance preparation as possible!

I have not honestly attempted a full NaNo challenge in over ten years. Then, I was in college and had an amazing, close-knit community of fantasy and SF writers surrounding me. We kept each other going and accountable, held near-daily write-ins. Now, I have a mischief-prone almost-one-year-old. She is a much bigger, more distracting responsibility than any amount of homework.

Then, I was also not a skilled enough writer to churn out a workable story. Now? I have a grasp of story structure. I know what works for me as a process, now that I’ve drafted multiple novels. The trick will be balancing my responsibilities and optimizing my writing time.

Which means starting preparation now.

Currently, I am typing this post on my phone via a Bluetooth keyboard while the baby naps in my lap. After all, this will be one rough draft I type. Because no other method will let me reach the daily word count goal. (Thankfully, I already have Scrivener and Drop Box on my phone, since I can’t always access my laptop.)

My notebook lies open to where I am plotting out the major story beats. While full outlines are the surest way to kill my desire to work on a story, mapping the major arcs and plot points with give me focus and keep me on target. Having even that much of a roadmap optimizes my writing time and make future revision less daunting.

Each month, I watch my bank balance drain, like watching the sand in an hourglass. It counts the time I have at home with my daughter. It counts the time I have to be my best self, live my most authentic life, and follow my passions without reservation. My hope – my goal – with NaNo is to find a balance with my work ethic. Because my ideal? Is to stave off the inevitable return to the standard workforce. To stretch two years to four or five. The financial bar to allows me that is low.

To that end, I need (and want) to work my ass off in the hopes my stars align. Because the publishing industry is that subjective. So systems and story-plotting aren’t my only pre-NaNo preparations.

I will be submitting a short story to an anthology with an imminent deadline. I will also be finalizing the query letter and revising and polishing the synopsis for The Novel. Then start querying agents. More benchmarks to add to my list of goals for the year!

Along the way, I have a busy two months for my theatre group, including heading our 24 Hour New Play Festival and prepping and running the writers’ workshop. I have a first birthday party to plan and execute, a baby to keep alive for said birthday party, and a house to clean enough to comfortable host. And, hey, the more I clean pre-NaNo, the less stressed about mess I’ll be in November and the less I’ll try to procrasti-clean.

. . . Wish me luck?

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Mini Check-In on Writing

All around I’ve had a rather bizarre summer. Typically, summer is my most prolific writing time; with the longer days and slower pace I can usually cram in lots of writing, and reading for that matter. This summer has been anything but productive on either front. Between spending nearly none of my weekends at home through June to August to getting quite ill in August because southern Alberta was inundated with forest fire smoke that I am extremely sensitive to, I got absolutely nothing done. And I’m rather disappointed with myself.

This laid-back approach I seem do have adopted is not working because I am not holding myself accountable at all. Glaringly obvious is the fact that this is a poor time-management issue. During my last goal check-in I identified this exact issue and set small goals for myself so that I could start accomplishing things in small steps. I made it easier for myself by far, then promptly ignored myself.

I’m trying not to rag on myself too badly because I’ll admit to dealing with some severe stress this summer. I was barely getting my basic life stuff done some weeks. Now, though, I have some breathing space and I am better able to focus. I’m also much more comfortable in my new-ish routine. At this point I need to give my head a shake and set aside some serious writing time if I’m going to hit my January goal.

Lesson learned: The laid-back approach does not work for me. Whatsoever. I need to outline tasks ahead of time in order to prioritize them and have a decided-upon time set aside to tackle them. Doing this all ahead of time would be ideal but incorporating the planning portion into my set aside time will work just as well.

I have roughly a month until my next check-in. Let’s see how I do.

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What Does Story Need to Provide? Part Two, Solid Plot Twists

Following up with my post from last week about believable characters, today I’m going to discuss character development after recently watching a movie that highlighted some what-not-to-dos when it comes to story writing.

Again, if you haven’t seen The Last Witch Hunter, I warn you now that I will be spoiling the story. As someone who hates spoilers it’s only fair that I warn you.

Last week I covered the main issue my viewing partner had with the story, now I’ll get to the part I had a major issue with: a bad plot twist. As we enter the climax of the movie it’s only appropriate that the heroes get separated so the main hero can face the big bad evil alone. As the trio, Kaulder, Chloe, and the young handler, enter the bizarre cave system housing the resurrected Witch Queen, Kaulder leaves Chloe near the entrance to perform some important magic that requires her to go into a trance that leaves her vulnerable. He leaves his handler’s young replacement to watch over her since he’s a trusted ally of the order—yes, the same one that betrayed him.

While Kaulder is fighting the Witch Queen and just about to deliver the death blow with his sword, the young handler comes into the cavern yelling while he holds Chloe at gun point. He (essentially) says to Kaulder:

“Remember how I told you we met when you saved me as a kid from the fire that killed the witches who kidnapped me? Those were my parents. I was born without any magic. You killed them. Now release my queen.”

I quite literally yelled “Come on” to the screen. Lamest. Plot twist. Ever. Not to mention it’s a terrible chunk of dialogue. I was even less impressed when the young handler asks the Witch Queen to grant him the gift of magic and instead she kills him—without magic he’s only human, and she hates humans. This secret order has an 800 year-old-warrior in their ranks but they were infiltrated by this guy? Still, if the author’s plan was to kill him off from the get-go this betrayal added nothing to the story because he and Kaulder hadn’t developed any kind of relationship in the movie. This young handler was in a handful of irrelevant scenes.

This plot twist was useless to the story. If Chloe had betrayed Kaulder that might have been something, but I think the additional betrayal was a waste of movie time. Sure, this interruption allowed the Witch Queen to get the upper hand, albeit briefly, but there was no way that Kaulder was not winning the fight in the end.

I was quite invested in the movie up until this point. This scene kicked me right out of the story and left me shaking my head. This is not a reaction any creator wants from their audience.

Obviously, we’re two very picky viewers, we like stories of all kinds but we like picking them apart because it’s fun. At the end of the day these two points, believable characters and solid plot twists, are highly subjective and, again, it comes down to what the author wants to do with their piece. You can’t please everyone.

What are your thoughts? Did you watch this movie or have you encountered similar issues in a story that left you feeling a bit deflated as a consumer?

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What Does Story Need to Provide? Part One, Believable Character Development

My apologies for the radio silence the past few weeks! I didn’t realize I needed a hiatus until it simply happened, but I’m back and good to go! Today, as my title states, I’m going to discuss character development after recently watching a movie that highlighted some what-not-to-dos when it comes to any fiction writing. This post turned into a two-parter because I found I had a lot to say.

If you haven’t seen The Last Witch Hunter, I warn you now that I will be spoiling the story. As someone who hates spoilers it’s only fair that I warn you.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed The Last Witch Hunter; it isn’t a high-art film, but it’s great movie for what it is: A high action fantasy. Over the course of about two hours, we follow a few days in the life of ancient warrior Kaulder, a human cursed by the evil Witch Queen 800 years ago. Since then, he has served as a weapon for an ancient society currently run out of a Catholic Church in New York City. When Kaulder’s elderly handler is attacked he discovers a plot to bring back the Witch Queen. While doing his best to prevent her resurrection, he encounters a present-day witch who becomes a main ally thanks to an ancient betrayal he also uncovers. In the midst of all this he spends some screen time with his handler’s young replacement.

I’m not the one with the movie’s character development issues but I’ll start there. The person I was watching with found it very difficult to buy the bond that develops between Kaulder and the present-day witch, Chloe. The pair meet for the first time when he goes to her witch bar to buy a memory potion. He seemingly consorts with his “enemy” in order to access the memories of his death since that is the only way to figure out what is going on. Just as he’s getting to the significant part of his memory, the bar is attacked and set on fire by the dark witch trying to bring back the Witch Queen.

Since Kaulder is indestructible thanks to his curse he lives to fight another day. Chloe’s life is in tatters since her livelihood has been burned to the ground and the enemy is trying to kill her for helping Kaulder.

There’s a mini moment where Kaulder saves her life from the enemy and from that point on they are basically inseparable. As many of her friends are killed in the city she only has Kaulder to console her. The movie doesn’t paint their relationship as overly romantic, but there is chemistry. Had they jumped into bed together, as so very many movies make male and female allies do, I would have scoffed and agreed with my viewing partner.

They didn’t sleep together though, and while I think their friendship progressed quickly I also think that such life or death circumstances can throw people together like that. And chemistry makes up a lot of the difference; in other circumstances they likely would never have met, but with their world falling apart they were given the opportunity and the means to hurdle walls that may have cropped up.

Still, I understand where my viewing partner is coming from. Perhaps a previous, friendly relationship would have worked better for him but I don’t think that was necessary. As a fantasy connoisseur, I would have been more suspect of a previous friendly relationship given the way the witch community views Kaulder (he is the last witch hunter after all). But that comes down to audience preference and only the author can make the final call.

What are your thoughts on this kind of character development? Next week I cover the part of the movie I struggled with: A terrible plot twist.

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Writing Conventions: Adventures with Baby

Conventions become an altogether different experience with a baby, I am here to tell you. Last month, I did ReaderCon with a nine-month-old.

Things I did right:

Brought a good stroller. This was totally by accident, but I ended up borrowing one. This held the diaper bag, con schedule, dealers’ room goodies, and anything and everything else.
Brought food. Not just to the hotel for the weekend, but every time we left the room. Because my child can EAT.
Set my expectations low. I’ve never made it to all the panels, readings, and other events I wanted to. With a baby, I set one or two priorities for the day and attended the rest as I could.
Avoided attempting more than two panels/readings/events in succession

Things I might have done better:

Planned to leave the baby in the room with someone I could trust rather than try to have her in the room with me when I was on a panel. Sacrifice the support of friends for the ability to focus on what I’m doing.
Communicated with others about what I/baby needed. This is an ongoing issue wherein I try too hard to fit to others’ schedules, rather than giving the greatest consideration to the baby’s schedule. Some people may (and have) accuse me of spoiling her, but when it makes the difference between being able to sit through a panel while she plays and maybe happy-babbles or having to leave because she’s screaming, I will continue to “spoil” her.
Brought my watch. I figured my phone would be sufficient for timekeeping, utterly forgetting her screen fascination and the rudeness of obviously checking the time. Watches also supply a handy distraction.
Planned her food-on-the-go better. Cut the fruit in the room (she won’t care if it browns) so it’s one less thing to juggle later. Snacks saved us as relatively low-mess and low-fuss.

Things I Learned (that have nothing to do with what I did or didn’t do):
Babies are amazing ice breakers and conversation-starters. I hadn’t talked to that many people I didn’t know since my first or second ReaderCon. It was glorious and helped make up for the events i had to miss.
Bringing someone else along to watch the baby, while an amazing thought and an option available to some, is not feasible for me. I’d be better off leaving her home, but that’s not an experiment I’m ready to try.

WisCon offers daycare and makes it almost laughably affordable! Woohoo! And I’m sure most con boards are tired of hearing that suggestion as a way of making cons more family-friendly and accessible to parents. Yes, it would be a huge expense and liability and I imagine individual state laws could theoretically make it all but impossible, but unless state law interferes, it seems generally a question of priority. (Note: this assumes a certain size of con with certain financial resources. The smaller the con, the more financially prohibitive and childcare is

expensive

.)

I know how budgets work and I know how fundraising works when a budget, even with finagling and recalculating, falls short. If that accessibility and inclusivity is a high enough priority, it will happen.
What would also be great? Especially in lieu of daycare? Children’s programming. Storytime, playtime, crafts and activities . . . There are all sorts of ways to tie into the themes and regular programming.
People are generally awesome. No one even gave me the look of, “Wtf are you doing with a baby here?” Though I’m sure her happy, not fussy nature helped. I had people offering to play with her and help keep her occupied, which helped me actually absorb more of the panel discussions. Which was wonderful.

I would love to see kids of all ages more visibly present at cons. The visibility alone would go a long way toward making cons more welcoming to parents, especially of young kids. I mean, we’re all fans. How great would it be to have the option of sharinge that with our kids?

Baby being awesome while I take in a panel.

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Happy July! Hello again, 2018 Goals

Like I said two weeks ago, I very much needed to revamp my 2018 goals if I was to have any hope of progress this year. While I’ve added some qualitative measures and deadlines, I believe I managed to leave things loose enough that I can actually hope to attain my goals and not feel suffocated simultaneously.

My issue at this point is holding myself accountable; it’s too easy for me to tape my goals to the wall and forget they’re there until check-in time comes around. I may print a second copy that I keep live updates on…but I haven’t decided yet.

I think I’ve struck a good balance with this:

Wish me luck!

PS. I added an accomplished goal because I’m extremely proud of myself and don’t want to forget the hurdle I jumped.

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Prepping for My August 2019 Challenge

The topic of summer vacation came up in conversation recently and the someone I was chatting with asked me why I was taking a week off work in August. I explained that I typically attend a reading and writing conference during the month, and while I’m not going this year I’m accustomed to having time off around then so I figured why not. This, of course, led to the “So why aren’t you going this year?” conversation.

As much as I thoroughly enjoy attending When Words Collide, this year would have marked my sixth successive attendance—and I feel not one bit more ahead than when I started going. As I mentioned in my goal update post last week, I haven’t made any headway on my manuscript, I haven’t written any short stories—let alone submitted the ones I’m sitting on—, and the only writing I’ve been doing involves my posts for Anxiety. Unfortunately, everything else has been neglected the past few months and I am not getting back into the swing of things as quickly as I would like.

The year before last I decided to go to WWC and focus exclusively on writing topics, ignoring all publishing and editing panels because I didn’t want to feel pressured or influenced by market talk. Last year I decided to attend only those panels with topics that seemed interesting to me, my goal was to chat with people and enjoy myself. This year I decided that the overlap in what I’ve been learning, my lack of writing progress, and the expense of attending (which is very minimal for a con, I will say) tipped the scales for me.

I would rather spend my vacation, this particular weekend included, writing. I need to regularly get words on the page and clean up the manuscript so that it is at least semi-presentable. I want to focus on this because I want to be able to sit down and attend the editing portions of the 2019 WWC instead of avoiding them. I want to challenge myself with a blue pencil or slush pile reading or pitch attempt. I need to get to that next stage of writing. Six years is simply too long to just coast along—plus I don’t know how six years has already passed!

While I’m a little sad I’m not participating this year, I’m ready to buckle down and prepare for next year. It’s a long way off, but it’s time I start prepping for my August 2019 challenge.

What kind of summer writing plans do you have?

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Goals Check In: 2018, Halfway

For a recap: you can find my original 2018 goals post here and my first quarter check-in here. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way . . .

2018 is half done! Which is not quite as mind-boggling as the fact that my daughter is now nine months old. I do not understand how time works. On the other hand, the faster time flies, the faster we’ll be able to vote this administration out of the White House *fingers crossed*. The US is on the wrong side of history right now and dear lord, we need to fix our mess.

Travel

Since I completed my only solid travel goal last quarter, apparently I felt the need to up my game. I am going to ReaderCon again this year! After thinking it would be out of the question, things happened to sort of fall into place to make it a thing. And I’ll even be (teeny tiny) part of programming for the first time ever. But I can’t give any details yet!

Theatre

Not only have I auditioned for not one but two shows, I was in one! Well, a staged reading, more accurately. But I had the chance to work with a new-to-me troupe, made some new theatre friends and new creative-world connections, and they seem to want me back.

I’m still reading plays (and have people sharing their plays with me, which is awesome and bizarre, because I’m just not used to that), but painfully slowly. And we have summer theatre watching in the cards – at least five that I know I’ll have the chance to check out!

As for my inner stage manager, she’s getting exasperated and maybe stepping on toes – not that anyone has told me yet – but getting things done. While bowing to the will of the tyrant director baby. She’s making some productive shape and sense of this summer, which is great because I no longer have the structure of the day job. That’s right . . .

I am unemployed!!!

For all the fear the lack of paycheck engenders, being able to focus entirely on my family and my creative life is amazing. Stressful in its own, different way, but amazing. I am deeply feeling the perfect storm of privileges that allow me to do this and I am grateful, while I am also deeply pissed that this is what our society requires when being our best selves means something other than the 9-5 and capitalism.

Social Media

I’m not doing so badly, but I want to do better. Currently, I hold steady at one or two posts a month on my personal blog. When a single post can easily take a week or two with the baby’s demands and my own processing power, maintaining this rate will be goal enough for me.

New Project/YouTube

More ideas and plans, but no actions. I need to break this goal up a bit to make it more approachable: learn the video editing software and make an effort to record myself as much as I can (whether I use or even keep the footage or not doesn’t matter so much as getting comfortable with talking to a camera). I want to launch the project this year, but with a couple month’s backlog so I can roll out a more or less consistent schedule.

Writing

The novel revision is DONE! I need to work on my query letter and synopsis, but I’m using a podcast story as an excuse not to tackle that right away. Ideally, by my next update, this damn thing will be out for submission and (temporarily) out of my hair.

In addition to the novel drama, I’m slowly chipping away at a play of my own, have short stories I want to revise, and am trying to figure out my next novel.

Submitting

I’ve still got nothing.

Sharing

This is a goal I only remember when I review for these check-in posts. I absolutely still want to do this, but as things currently stand, it won’t happen unless I’m updating my blog more on the side of once a week than once a month. So consider this goal officially retired until that point. I’ll bring it back next year, if I have to!

Creative Time

Sewing lessons have fizzled out again, but we’ll see how things go from here, now that I’m not working.

I never feel like I spend enough time being creative and producing creative work. The baby leaves me few spare moments and while I know I need to take time to sit and stare blankly and recover energy, I can’t stop the persistent, pain-in-the-ass voice that expects me to use each of those moments to create.

Since scheduling writing time only works as well as my Tiny Tyrant allows, I have no solid markers by which to measure this particular goal. But as long as I continue making progress at whatever rate I can, I say I’m meeting this one.

Baby

Another continual process. Now that I’m not working, I find it easier to take her pace into account and adjust more to compromise my plans and commitments with her exploration of the world.

So halfway through the year sees some goals retired, revamped, some even expanded. In some areas, I haven’t had movement, much less progress. But with six months ahead of me, I have hope of finding my equilibrium (such as it is) without the day job. We’ll see how the rest of the year turns out!

I’m getting things done. And wow, is this boat rocking.

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2018: Second Goal Update

The first six months of the year are behind us after tomorrow—where does the time go? Seriously, does anyone know because I keep blinking and the month is done.

First things first, I absolutely have to revamp my goals. I should have known with my first update that I needed to make them more concrete, but I guess I haven’t had the time before now so I won’t beat myself up. At least I’ve learned that life is not going to stop throwing distractions into my path. I try to ignore this fact and make plans for perfect moments and they are never happening. Ever. I think in all my adult wisdom I can finally accept that, which means I need to make the most of the pockets of time I’m sporadically given.

Because I need to change my goals I decided to take a different approach with my update today and share my scribbles with you instead of going on at length—enjoy!

As soon as I’ve had a moment to sit down and think about my goals at length I will write a follow up post. In the meantime, how is everyone feeling about their creative lives?

PS: Happy Canada Day and long weekend to our Canadian readers!

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