Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 5

Stranger than Fiction

My post isn’t specifically concerned with writing today–in an obvious way, I suppose. Last night I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, reading the news, and an article caught my eye: Scientists have completed the first cloning of a primate. Since Dolly the sheep they have successfully cloned numerous species of animals, but copying the genetic material of primates has proven much more difficult than initially imagined. This is a major milestone; this brings the cloning of humans well within the realm of possibility.

To top off out-of-the-norm topics in my world, I also got into a discussion today about the first human head transplant which is slated to be performed at the end of this year. Doctors, and I imagine scientists, have found a willing participant. According to my co-worker, who has been following this closely with her children, they’re certain it can be done because a cadaver head was surgically attached to a separate cadaver body and electrical impulses sent through the heart stimulated the correct parts of the brain.

Take into account the other strange and upsetting happenings occurring around the world (Trump, North Korea, Africa, Russia, #MeToo) and I’m left standing here scratching my head. I feel as though I’ve walked into a Jules Verne novel and no one told me.

I know a lot of what I’ve shared is old news but I still feel shocked by much of what I come across in the news. Well, not shocked so much as appalled. Occasionally pleasantly surprised or intrigued. It’s an odd feeling when the world seems stranger than fiction right now.

All of these topics I’ve brought up also involve complex systems of morals and ethics that are hotly debated all the time, and while I can’t say for certain what side of the fence I’m on in some circumstances, I think all of them make story more important than ever. I’m a big believer in science, especially medical science, and speaking ones truth. But even the history of transplants is fraught with ethical dilemmas—for instance, the doctor who broke ground with transplants, whose name I can’t seem to recall at the moment, did so by basically mashing animals together in the 1900s.

I guess my point today is to urge people to tell their stories, especially the ones others don’t want to hear and maybe the ones you don’t want to tell. It’s a weird world right now but we need some guiding principles and solid, moral examples. Silence is not a good response in our current moment. I may not be good at carrying the loud speaker, but I have words at my disposal. I’m willing to write and share them and hopefully set a good example.

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Inner Critic: Adventures in Research

The other day, I asked a question. Now, asking questions on social media isn’t always the wisest thing to do, but I did not know how to tackle this topic. So I made use of my many friends who might. It was a research question for the novel, on its umpteen millionth draft, so I was wholly unprepared for my inner critic to rear its loathsome head.

If writing were a video game, the inner critic would be your constant enemy. Sometimes you see it coming, but sometimes it sneaks up on you. And you never know if the encounter will be a standard fight or a full-on boss battle until you’re in the middle of it.

Anyway, in this draft of the novel, a character who was previously an old man is now gender fluid. So my question related to pronouns and representation and how one would broach the topic (or if you even should) in a Japanese setting.

Cue dialogue with the inner critic:

You’re a cisgendered American woman; what gives you the right to even write this? It’s more an issue of imperative: we live in a diverse, complex world. I do the world and my story an injustice by ignoring that complexity.
Your phrasing is awful. That’s a terrible way to phrase it. Terrible. Yeah, well, it’s the best I can manage within the character limit, if I’m ever going to ask this question.
This is your umpteen millionth draft; you shouldn’t need to ask any more questions or do any more research at this stage. There’s always room for questions and improvement. And if that’s truly the case, why didn’t you object to the research book I just read?
Congratulations! You’ve just aired your ignorance for the world to see. Everyone now officially thinks less of you. What did you do with those four years of college, anyway? Ignorance is only something to be ashamed of when you willfully perpetuate it. Is it an awkward topic for me to attempt? Yes, and I asked it in an awkward way because of that. But I could cause far more harm by not asking at all, so shut it, inner critic.

In case you didn’t know, there is no step in this process that annoying shit of a critic. Working out conversations like this helps me.

How do you handle yours?

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Community, I’m Not a Good Recluse

While I stand here typing, wearing my artist’s outfit of purposefully chosen head to toe black accompanied by an air of ennui, I can’t help but think back to what I used to imagine when I heard the word “writer.” As a child, my dream was to be that author holed up somewhere quiet and beautiful, spending my days writing the novels that would allow me to live such a life. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to be a reclusive writer in this day and age—especially when I’m not penning bestseller after bestseller. I’m not even sure that would do the trick anymore.

A large part of my desire to live a solitary life had to do with my social anxiety. I’ve learned to manage that much better; social situations no longer scare me. Still, the picture in my head occasionally fills me with longing.

I’ve realized in recent years that not having a network of writer friends and professionals makes branching out in the writing world much more difficult. In any professional world lacking contacts leaves you in a bit of a bind. It’s not that I don’t want to forge friendships and professional relationships, I simply don’t know where to start. Which is ridiculous. And, I’ll admit, anxiety inducing.

Last year marked my first full year of not being a member of any kind of writing organization. It was a weird feeling being disconnected from such an important aspect of my life. I can’t say it’s the reason my writing output was pitiful, but it’s an item to be added to the ever growing list. One of my 2017 goals was to find some kind of writing community. At no point did I get off my butt and do so. Nor did I take advantage of any opportunities that came my way.

This year I really want to make a concentrated effort to engage with my fellow writers. I always worry that I have nothing to offer in return for expertise given, but I have a feeling I’m selling myself short (as usual). I lack engagement in the writing world at this point, for a number of reasons—clawing my way back in is a must.

On Monday Melissa mentioned her need to form a community for accountability reasons. I need that as well. Desperately. Physical, virtual, I don’t care. I need to put feelers out and discuss writing, not just read about it.

Apparently the recluse life does not work for me. At least at this point. I never thought I would say it, but I am a person in need of a community of like-minded individuals. Who knew?

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Ink Links Roundup

In light of current events, I have to share how famous authors would reply to an unsolicited dick pic. Trust me: it’s hilarious. And way more cathartic than it should be.

In the interest of research, there is this gorgeous article about library archives and the treasures hidden there.

Elisa loves this write-up on the The Last Jedi since she was having issues watching rebellious soldiers painted as heroes. It’s tough not to fall to temptation and make a character stand out by going against everything their identity belies.

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Rejection is the Best Motivation

So I struggle with submitting stories. The why of that is complicated and many-faceted, and (at least on the surface) has little to do with rejection. I will attempt to unpack this.

I see this difficulty as a self-discipline issue, getting distracted with other, newer projects, or I don’t make good on threats to research places to submit my stories to. Issues of focus and follow-through. Is there an element of rejection avoidance? Highly likely.

The whole process of submission overwhelms me. From finding a target, to polishing a piece to be specifically marketable to that target, to formatting to manuscript-standard and praying the file conversion doesn’t screw with it too badly (one of these days, I’ll have to break down and buy Word again, if only because that’s industry standard), to the damned cover letter.

I loathe cover letters.

But most often, I simply stick on finding appropriate markets for my stories. So when I discovered a six-month workshop and mentorship that seemed tailor-made to my needs, I got super excited.

Unfortunately, the cost was far beyond my means and I didn’t get a scholarship. Not that I had a ton of confidence in being able to keep up with the workload. (Still working on that write/life balance thing with a baby.)

The funny thing about that scholarship rejection? It solidified my determination to get off my ass and do something about these hangups of mine.

I have a plan of attack! Bite the bullet and pay for a year of Duotrope and look for markets for my short stories (stories currently written or still only concepts in my head). Try to create a community for support and cheerleading – otherwise known as outside accountability. Still working out the kinks here and need to decide which social platform to use and how, so suggestions are welcome!

This whole process has really kicked me into gear on the novel revision. Finally! Five chapters in one week is a giant relief after not working on it for so long. At this rate, I might feasibly finish sometime in March, barring life curveballs or the belated discovery of any massive changes. *knock on wood*

Rejections are like challenges. They tell me, “No, you can’t do this thing.” And I say, “Want to bet?”

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Parallelism: Saving Space and Energy

I pride myself on being a learner; I love learning about new subjects and expanding my knowledgebase. The best way I learn is by reading, and I like to read about topics far and wide. This sometimes means that I land far outside my element. I am not a genius, so I can’t always read something and have full comprehension. Eventually the words on the page start to muddle and resemble a growing puddle in my head.

This is when having a human resource is handy, but more often than not I do not have one. That’s when parallels come in really handy for me.

Better teachers and writers excel at introducing parallels between old and new subjects in order to ensure their audience is following along. Helping people draw lines to ideas they already understand ensures they’re following what you’re saying.

Recently, I’ve been trying to gain a better understanding of European soccer leagues (specifically English football) because someone in my life is obsessed with it. While I have a great appreciation for soccer, my knowledgebase is pathetic. I understand the game, but throw in leagues and cups and its way over my head. I started my own research to try to save people (and I’ll admit myself) from explaining it to me aloud and realized that while I understand all the words being used I’m not fully understanding them all put together.

Then I had an epiphany: If I can get this person to correlate it to hockey, I’m set. Any parallels to the NHL, the regular season, and the Stanley Cup playoffs I can understand. This notion of parallel ideas brought me to writing because drawing parallels isn’t exclusive to the world of learning.

I read a book a few years ago about a fairy world based in London. It involved a tiny play on Queen Elizabeth I’s alter ego (thanks to Edmund Spencer) Gloriana, the Faerie Queene. Throughout, the author made ties between the fairy court and Queen Elizabeth’s court so that her readers could follow along without her going into finite detail about how the fairy court was organized. I learned a lot about the Tudor court during the Golden Age, and subsequently a great deal about the imagined world of fairies, however, the most important part was that it saved the author pages and pages of exposition.

When it comes to writing, drawing parallels saves space and mental energy. Every aspect of your world that you can explain in as few details as possible not only helps you as the writer, it helps your reader. I’m not saying that a world shouldn’t be explained, but everything that doesn’t have to be clarified with lots of exposition is beneficial to everyone involved.

This does mean that more often than not more than one parallel must be made because one reader may not make the same connection as the next. Of course, your general readership will help you make those decisions; still, you don’t want to alienate any potential new readers.

I believe drawing parallels that don’t become repetitive or redundant is a skill that comes with practice. After spending so much time in the drawing stages building your world it’s easy to fall to the temptation of explaining every little thing to your reader. You’re excited, you put in so much hard work, you want to share what you’ve accomplished, yet at the end of the day your reader doesn’t care. They want to know what your characters are up to. That’s it.

Just remember the iceberg: For every detail you share above the surface, there’s a big chunk of ice beneath that ensures that detail is solid. And if you can parallel one of those details to something your reader already understands, they can follow your characters that much faster.

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Tracking Tool: My Write Club Review

In November, one of the NaNo Facebook groups I belong to had a post that introduced me to a site still in beta called My Write Club. I tested it out with tracking my various writing goals for December, and now I’m here to report!

Note: no one asked me or approached me to make this review! I thought it sounded good, wanted to check it out, and now I’m passing along my thoughts and opinions in case you might want to add this to your toolbox.

What it does/How it works

It allows you to create your own status bars. Do you like NaNoWriMo’s progress bars? My Write Club lets you make your own. When you add a goal, you set your unit of measurement: words, chapters, scenes, and pages, among others. It will even let you customize it to something not on the list.

For example, I wanted to track number of times I blogged, so that bar counts by posts.

Then you set your target goal, description (this will appear as your project title), and deadline. And you’re in business.

You can even add friends. Friends receive emails when you update your progress. You can even comment on their goals or progress, which is great for cheering each other on.

When you’re done, you can archive the goal so you don’t end up with a super cluttered page.

Pros

It’s simple. Straightforward. It doesn’t have a whole lot of bells and whistles because tracking is its only purpose. That makes it highly approachable to people like me who find themselves easily overwhelmed with these things.
Progress bars are an excellent incentive for me. Something about the quantitative, visual element makes me feel more accomplished.
In addition to the status bar, it shows you a graph of your progress. Yet another visual incentive to write and input my progress regularly.
The ability to archive projects, and even reactivate them later on.
The friends element. The ability to cheer each other on is fantastic and motivates me to do more. My Write Club also allows you to participate in word sprints – join a public one or create your own. I haven’t checked this feature out yet, but I love that it exists.

Cons (more a wishlist of additions)

It might be too simple for some of us. A little customization for at least color and layout (though I’m sure it would be a headache and a half to code), and I’d love to be able to include text like a quote, excerpt, or summary for the projects.
I’d like to be able to choose a beginning date for a project so I can set them up in advance for tracking things like monthly goals or challenges. Currently, it starts tracking from the time you create the project, and I want my graphs to be cleaner than that.
Currently, it only gives you graphs and a status bar with percentage completed. I’d love to see it generate a few more stats, like a daily average and how much you need to write each day to reach your goal. Maybe include the ability to change the frequency so something like weekly or monthly to accommodate for the different counters that just don’t work so well with considered on a daily basis.
Right now, there is no ability to delete a project or to create any sort of order among the finished goals. I will overrun my archive in short order, which detracts from the whole point of an archive (for me, the ability to look back and feel a sense of accomplishment at all I’ve done), thanks to the unorganized number of projects.
You can’t customize how frequently you receive updates of your friends’ progress. Every time they update their projects, you get an email. With a lot of friends – or just one like  me who’s tracking five projects at once.

By and large, I like the site. It has been good for my motivation and productivity, which is always a win. But the number of things I’m tracking on there is not currently sustainable. I need to cut back and find a better balance.If this sounds like something your wrier brain would work well with, check it out! Give it a try and let me know what you think!

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Happy New Year! Hello, 2018 Goals

It is no big secret that I very much want to change how I outline, track, and determine how I’ve accomplished my annual goals. I spent much of December whining about all of that, so I’ll skip it here. Or do my best to not mention it (again).

I’m a bit tired of my traditional list approach when it comes to my goals. And while I feel rather stagnant without quantitative goals, they’re making me feel caged in lately. I need targets to get things done, to be accountable, but I also need some wiggle room.

I was inspired by Melissa’s breakdown of her goals, each has its own category and a goal within that category. While I don’t think I can break my own goals down to her level of detail since that is something I am trying to step away from this year, I did take her approach to heart.

I went simple, qualitative, and vague this year. I say vague because specific targets have not been drawn up. This tactic has me a bit nervous but I’m hoping to let my goals change organically in the next three months. I may re-evaluate my goals, re-specify them, or scrap my approach entirely. We will see.

In any case, here are my goals for 2018, separated into four categories, each with its own key word to help me focus:

 

 

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Ink Links Roundup

So sorry I’m late with this week’s links post! Baby brain caught up with me (as it does these days) and I lost track of where we are in the week. Thank you for all you patience with me these days!

Here is an excellent article on different approaches to character development that need to join my writing toolbox yesterday!

Elisa would like to share 25 reading goals/suggestions that might help you increase your reading for 2018!

http://rivetedlit.com/2017/12/28/25-readings-goals-we-set-for-2018/?cp_type=enpm&rmid=Riveted_Weekly_EMD&rrid=6512055

Do you and the New York Times have any 2017 reading favourites in common?

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/books/review/10-best-books-2017.html

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Goals, 2018 Edition: Rock This Boat

Happy New Year! That time when we reflect on the past year and make all sorts of resolutions. Throughout the year, we often end up dropping those goals at the wayside. I love setting and tracking goals here on Anxiety with the other Inkettes because it helps keep me focused and accountable.

2016 was a rough year for me, with deaths and stress and frustrations. By the time these trends began to change, it was too little too late to really salvage the year. Here’s my recap post, where I made a conscious choice to focus as much as possible on the positives.)So my 2017 theme was Better. I just needed 2017 to be better than 2016.

And it was. (Minus the White House shit show.)

2017 started off creative and stayed that way (despite not reaching a few of my productivity goals) including the most fundamental way possible: creating a life. And oh, what an amazing life it is.

For Christmas, my husband gave me a planner. The kind designed for those of us who keep looking at bullet journaling as something we would like to try but feel overwhelmed just considering it. The daily pages have a space to write an affirmation. I’ve taken to writing, “Get it done. Rock this boat.”

Where did it come from? I have no idea. It popped into my head and stuck. This is my mantra for 2018. To finish things. To challenge my comfort zone – shake things up and see what falls out.

Which leads me to . . .

My goals for 2018

Travel: do what I can. There area few cons I actively, desperately want to get to (Reader Con, When Words Collide, Sirens), but it’s too early to know whether or not finances allow it and how hard it will be on the little one. My only solid goal is for an overnight trip at some point with the little one to southern Maine.
Theatre: I want to audition for a paying gig. I want to attend classes and workshops and do shows to become a better actor. But the ability to do so depends on the baby. But I’ll at least reach out for more details about working with that theatre and auditioning. Read more plays. Find strategies for releasing my inner stage manager my daily life, because that woman gets shit done.
Social media: keep it up. Post at least once a month on my personal blog, be more on top of my posts here, occasionally take photos not of my daughter for Instagram.
New project: Youtube. Since it’s been more difficult than I anticipated getting writing workshops started up in person, I’m turning to Youtube. A filmed video won’t be the same as a workshop, but I have things to say and this is one way to get them out. (Also, I have long wanted to film story shorts, so this might help ease that into being, too.)
Writing: revise the novel one last time before sending it out into the world. Finish the short story I started in November.  Revise and polish the various short stories languishing in my computer files. Start a new novel. Maybe start a play.
Submitting (yes, this gets it’s own separate category this year): still keeping the bar low at two submissions, but it must not be that low when last year ended with none. But I also want to find or create a support system. This might include getting a subscription to Duotrope, which database I sometimes used way back when it was free, or making a cheerleading Facebook group. I’m in the process of applying for a scholarship that would allow me take a six month workshop/mentorship program aimed at the submission process.
Sharing: once a month, share the work of creators I love, whether through my blog or just linking on social media. Practice gratitude; I don’t say “thank you” enough for all the most important things. Actually reach out to people when I’m thinking of them and let them know.
Creative time: sustain creative hours throughout the year. (This fizzled in 2017 because I started to consistently fall asleep with pregnancy exhaustion.) Restart and continue those sewing lessons with my grandmother, since working part time makes it so much more feasible to set aside a day out of my week for it.
Baby: slow down, even if that means speeding up. I hate how I always feel like I’m rushing place to place. Whenever we leave the house, I tell her we’re going on an adventure, but I don’t yet know how to leave time for the journey and exploration. Take her to fairs and parades. Explore Acadia National Park (I got us a season pass for the first time ever for Christmas). Make crafty Christmas presents with her.

The hardest part of everything will be figuring out how to do it all with the little one. But she’s amazing so I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

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