Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 32

Kindness: Remembering to Practice Self-Care

Kindness often comes in the small things. Those small acts are so important, yet so easy to forget about when it comes to ourselves.

The three of us have each expounded on this topic, and we come back to it again and again. I can’t speak for Kate and Elisa, but I keep coming back to the subject because I keep forgetting. I work myself into a stress over not writing fast enough, not being where I want to be at this point in my life. Then, when I remember, I take a step back and breathe. The relief is indescribable.

But reaching that point is a constant struggle for me.

For a long time, I’ve made no secret of how frustrated I am at the speed at which I am currently writing. The current chapter has not helped matters by needing an entire rework. Lately, that frustration has reached critical levels.

What also doesn’t help matters? The general shit-show that is this year. My paternal grandmother’s memorial was this past weekend, for example. Between day job stress and life stress, I’ve had no kindness for myself. Depression and breakdowns run rampant.

A writer friend is coming to visit in a few weeks and the house desperately needs a cleaning. The prospect as a whole overwhelms me. I have to remember that it’s ok to break it up and only do a little at a time.

I’ve made creative dates: a hopefully weekly phone date with another writer friend (which may or may not have been named Wednesday Writing Bitch sessions), a photo shoot with a photographer friend, a lunch with a theatre friend. And I’ve volunteered to help with organizing the 24-hour play writing festival this fall, if for no other reason than to give an excuse to surround myself with amazing theatre people.

These are a few of the ways I’m being kind to myself. What about you? How have you shown yourself kindness lately?

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Anxiety Ink Book Club

Yet another idea that came out of our first AGM was the notion of a book club. In retrospect, why we hadn’t discussed it up to this point is beyond me because it so perfectly fits us. I mean, the main thread in all of our lives are books! In any case, I am super excited to announce on all of our behalves the launch of the Anxiety Ink Book Club!

Collectively, Kate, Melissa, and I each feels like we could be reading more, and we figured we probably weren’t the only ones who thought so. The creation of a non-mandatory centre of reading where we could meet up virtually, recommend great reads, and have lively discussions was the perfect solution.

Each month, one of us is going to pick a book to read, post a review, and command a discussion through our new Goodreads group. Selections will be placed on the to-read shelf at least a month in advance, so if you want to read something in time for the start of the discussion, you’ll have time to prepare.

Melissa has the honour of picking our inaugural read: Binti, by Nnedi Okorafor. It sounds AMAZING and I can’t wait to see what she has to say about it!

We do apologize for the tardiness of this announcement since it means a good two weeks of reading time has been eliminated for this first read. It won’t happen again, we promise!

Please, head on over to the Anxiety Ink Book Club on Goodreads and join our group! We hope to introduce you to a multitude of books you may not have thought to read otherwise, and we are thrilled to engage with you on a new level!

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Where Writers get their Ideas: Bookstore Edition

I’ve written before about Where Writers get their Ideas. But getting ideas in the bookstore? This type of idea generation is a whole new bakery of ideas to explore. Working at a bookstore, I am exposed to books almost all the time.

I go through catalogues of new-and-upcoming publications and am often struck by the urge to write my own work. It’s an extremely clearheaded moment where I am totally ready to dive into my world of words and just get lost. And, of course, I am at work, on the clock, getting asked questions, and the feeling flees like I hadn’t gripped the thread at all.

But I love the feeling.

Sometimes, it’s the covers. Seeing so many covers, I get an itch, wanting one of my own. Sometimes it’s one cover to a page. Other times, It’s FIFTEEN covers on a page and I lose myself to a preview less than an square inch, story-thinking.

Other times, it’s a title or a line here or there in the description that just sparks my imagination and I want to run with it. Like, last week, I saw a title with a blanked out cover: Life Uploaded: A Novel[image error]. I immediately began to think about consciousness being uploaded to the internet and subsequent experiences. I realized the book was by a teen vlogger and was left diappointed that I couldn’t read what I thought it was based on the evocative title alone…but also inspired to write it instead.

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My favourite are the times I read a title wrong. Like when I saw this book.

It’s a classic German short story collection…and I read it as “Ghosts, and Other Girlfriends” and promptly started to frame a supernatural romance story that also dabbled in critical queer theory.

Have you ever gone to bookstores to get your ideas? Did you end up with more ideas or just more books to read and an emptier wallet?

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10 Inexpensive Ways to Feed Writing That Aren’t Writing

I love talking about ways to feed writing. Nourishing creativity is hard because western culture so frequently devalues it – I always feel like I should be doing something else.

I push experiences as a way to feed creativity and writing. However, experiences often cost money that the majority of us don’t have. I won’t tell you how long I save for the trips that I do take. Budgeting is my friend.

Plant a garden. Actually take care of it. At least have someone around who will take care of it, because a dead garden is a depressing thing. I do not have a green thumb; the success of my garden is solely due to my neglect and my husband’s dedication. However, the reward of seeing flowers blossom and eating crisp, juicy pea pods fresh off the vine is worth it, even if you despise the work.
Take walks. It can be a route you’ve taken a hundred times before. Notice how the world changes day to day, minute to minute.
Sex. Writing advice often espouses exercise, but I’m going to go there and say that sex is a pretty amazing and creatively nourishing form of exercise.
Audition for community theatre. This may be way outside your comfort zone, but the challenge will only help you grow creatively. You usually just have to show up and read pieces of the script. Theatre folks are generally awesome people.
Watch foreign language films or tv shows for different tropes and modes of storytelling. You can find quite a lot free online. I’m addicted to Korean dramas, most of which I watch at Dramafever.
Invite a creative friend or two over for tea or coffee. Talk about what makes you most passionate.
Write letters. (Ok, so it’s writing, but not story-writing. The hangups and inner critics aren’t the same.) They’re an exercise in connecting with people through the written word. Letters will help you find your voice.
Visit a library (or book store, but library is cheaper). Bask in the rich history of storytelling. Know that you are a part of it.
Read. You are a sponge. Absorb all you can of craft.
Make a city out of popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners. Have googly eyes? Use those too. If a city is too much, a single structure is enough.

If you have any other ways to feed writing, please share in the comments!

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Tough to Tackle Reads: Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Yep, I’m starting my Tough to Tackle Reads segment with a bang! In May I decided it was finally time to tackle this behemoth, and my first, visceral response is: I LOVE THIS BOOK. Like, 10 out of 5 stars love this book.

Before I get into the whys and try to convince you that you too will love Gone with the Wind, here’s some background information in case you aren’t familiar with this American classic.

Gone with the Wind was published 80 years ago on June 30th, 1936, so it has had a heavy influence on pop culture. You may not realize it, but you likely know most of the major lines from this book, more likely than not due to the popularity of the film.

The Book

Margaret Mitchell’s epic novel of love and war not only won the Pulitzer Prize, it was made into one of the most popular and celebrated movies of all time.

Many novels have been written about the Civil War and its aftermath. None take us into the burning fields and cities of the American South as Gone with the Wind does, creating haunting scenes and thrilling portraits of characters so vivid that we remember their words and feel their fear and hunger for the rest of our lives. 

Widely considered The Great American Novel, Gone with the Wind explores the depth of human passions with an intensity as bold as its setting in the red hills of Georgia. This is the tale of Scarlett O’Hara, the spoiled, manipulative daughter of a wealthy plantation owner, who arrives at young womanhood just in time to see the Civil War forever change her way of life, and the flashy, contemptuous Rhett Butler, an enigma from his entrance. 

A sweeping story of tangled passion and courage, in the pages of Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell not only conveys a timeless story of survival under the harshest of circumstances, she brings to life the unforgettable characters that have captured readers for eighty years.*

The Author

Margaret Mitchell was born in Atlanta, Georgia, in November 1900. After a broken ankle immobilized her in 1926, Mitchell started writing a novel that would become Gone with the Wind. Published in 1936, Gone with the Wind made Mitchell an instant celebrity and earned her the Pulitzer Prize. The film version, also lauded far and wide, came out just three years later. More than 30 million copies of Mitchell’s Civil War masterpiece have been sold worldwide, and it has been translated into 27 languages. Mitchell was struck by a car and died in 1949, leaving behind Gone with the Wind as her only novel.**

Length

Gone with the Wind is a doozy, it averages roughly 1000 pages if you’ve got a paperback copy. It’s long, really long. I purchased an eBook not only because I didn’t have time to find a hard copy version I wanted, but because my eReader stays at a static weight (remember that if you plan to tackle classics!).

Do not let the page count scare you away! The book is lengthy but it doesn’t read that way.

My Difficulty Rating

2.5/5

I gave a half point for the length, other than that, this is not a difficult or alienating book to read as far as classics and prize winners go. Nor is it so simple that you’ll be bored by the language and structure.

Why You Should Read Gone with the Wind

Because Scarlett and Rhett are lauded as the American counterpart to Romeo and Juliet, I must start with the romance aspect of the book. The romance Mitchell depicts is far from a boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy marries girl story. And not just because unlike R&J, the story is told from the girl’s point of view. Rhett and Scarlett’s love story is as tumultuous as the war that goes on around them as they circle each other like fighters. Theirs is not a feel good romance, or juvenile, it’s as fascinating and tragic as they are themselves.

Unlikeable female characters are undervalued in today’s literature. And if ever there was an unlikeable female protagonist, Scarlett O’Hara easily vies for the title of Most Unlikeable Protagonist Ever.

She’s cruel, self-centred, and snotty; but what makes that balance out so well and compels you not only to read but to develop a grudging respect for her? Scarlett is also stubborn, cunning, and smart, she’s a realist, a survivor, she’s brave, she has a cutting tongue, and her sense of longing makes her very easy to identify with (if nothing else helps).

Strong female friendships are underdeveloped in a lot of popular media. It’s gotten to the point that we need a test for media to see if women even talk to each other about more things than men! Cough, the Bechdel test, cough. The relationship between Melanie and Scarlett is rich, complex, and somewhat baffling. Thrust together in a most bizarre fashion, the glue that holds them together only strengthens with time.

One of the best parts about this friendship is Scarlett’s complete obliviousness about how she feels about Mellie, despite what she feels for Mellie’s husband.

The excellent cast of female characters is one you’ll want to return to again and again. Gone with the Wind might have been published in 1936 and set during the American Civil War, but the women rule, and it’s obvious, despite the characters ironic attempts to place men in charge (Mitchell’s play on patriarchal dogma provides some of the best irony and humour the book has to offer). Not only do they rule, they’re varied and distinct. There’s no way you’ll mix any of them up.

This leads me to the very interesting gender study Mitchell creates. As I just said, for a book published in the 1930s and set in the 1860s, Gone with the Wind seems extraordinarily revolutionary where its feminist leanings are concerned. It’s really not –and I’ll tell you why it’s not before you bite my head off. When you factor in the timing of the suffragist movement, the Jazz Age, World War I, and the fact that the book hasn’t been influenced one iota by the 1950s revolting view on the American family, it all makes sense.

Now if you’re not a history nerd such as myself, I’ll give you a simplified lowdown here. From the time (white) women began fighting for and earning the right to vote for themselves, which meant proving they were just as important as men; through the Jazz Age where women started shucking off the narrow and restrictive Victorian views of womanhood; all the way to WWI (1914-1919), where women all over the world stepped into the roles traditionally assigned to men because the men had all gone off to war; something was brewing.

Basically, women everywhere were proving not only that they could do more, but that they wanted to do more. It turns out all those eccentric ladies across history who stood out because they refused to lay back and let the men in their lives think they were dumb fools that needed to be led with a gentle hand through life were actually far more representative of the woman population than the image society had approved for them.

In the 1950s, after WWII and more women taking on greater roles, patriarchal society wanted the traditional roles back. Men wanted to dominate the workforce again and have their wives back at home with the children. And oh yes am I generalizing here. Though Victorian views still permeate our world, the 1960s woman’s movement pushed back hard on this front. We should all be very grateful.

Our current view of male and female gender roles is heavily influenced by the 1950s dogma. If you read pieces from the early 1800s to the present, you can see the shifts –backward and forwards– in beliefs about gender roles. Decade by decade, country by country, it’s fascinating to watch because it’s constantly changing. The word “traditional” is enough to make you chortle when you see it.

Anyway, back to the book!

One of my favourite aspects of Gone with the Wind is how Mitchell has Scarlett go on about what the ideal woman should be, then has Scarlett do the exact opposite. It drives Scarlett mad that she isn’t her own ideal, but she just can’t fight herself.

Scarlett’s obsession with her looks and fashion in no way undermines the fact that she’s a better businessperson and mathematician than anyone else in Atlanta. Mitchell actually does this with many of the women: they go on at length describing perfect masculine traits when in reality they’re describing themselves.

Gone with the Wind provides a fascinating picture of history. For the non-Americans reading this, the Civil War holds an important place in the minds of all Americans. What Americans are taught about the Civil War, from a very early age, would likely have the rest of us scratching our heads. Americans know American history really well; it’s admirable.

Obviously, I’m Canadian. And though I did take a course on American history focusing on the Civil War and Reconstruction Era, my knowledge base on that time does not even compare to an American second grader’s knowledge. So, when the opportunity arises to learn more about such a defining moment in American history –heck, just history– I’m game.

I’ve stated repeatedly on Anxiety Ink that I’m a history nerd, I even mentioned it above, and while I like military history, I’m not so keen when a lot of battle description occurs. I’ve always been much more interested in the human factor, such as how people survived (the “good”, the “bad”, the civilians caught in the crossfire), before, during, and after the battles are over. Some battle info is fine, I’m not really affected by gore, but pages and pages on defensive tactics and movements and strikes puts me right to sleep.

Gone with the Wind is a picture of civilian life affected by the ravages of war. What makes it so much more compelling on that front is that it’s a picture of the losing side, and it shows the lead up to the war, wartime, and what happens to the non-winner once the battles are over. 

Lastly, the language is magnificent. Mitchell paints such an incredible image of Georgia that there is a part of me that longs to see it for myself. Her prose are just beautiful, there’s no other way to say it.

What I Had Trouble With

The blatant racism and slavery is unpalatable at times. Yes, this is very much a book set in plantation era Georgia –the Deep, Deep South. While the southerners’ views on race are highly nuanced shades of grey, they are racist. And some of the things they do and say are hard to swallow.

While I gasped a few times at the nonchalant attitudes of some characters, and their views on slavery, I feel like I’ve walked away from this book with a deeper understanding of North and South American race relations and how they’ve developed on either side of the Mason-Dixon Line into 2016.

Final Thoughts

Overall, Gone with the Wind is an intricate and enthralling read. There wasn’t one thing I found boring about this book –and there are usually some parts of classics where I feel like the story can get itself moving any time, if you know what I mean. The unfolding of the life of Scarlett O’Hara provided me hours of entertainment and I think it will for you too.

 

*I pulled synopsis information from a few sources and spliced them with my own thoughts since they were all somewhat dissatisfying. I pulled most of my information from Chapters-Indigo’s 75th anniversary edition and Goodreads 1999 Grand Central Publishing edition.

**This is the source of Mitchell’s biography. I urge you to read Mitchell’s full bio as she was an interesting woman!

***Finally, please note that this post contains affiliate links. If you click on the link and purchase Gone with the Wind  from Amazon I will get a small commission.

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Learning to Love Poetry

I am increasingly delving into the world of, and learning to love, poetry.

I have never considered myself any good at poetry. I don’t like writing to a set meter, minding my stressed sounds and subjugating them into a pattern that history has found pleasing.

Part of this dislike may have come from university. I did not have the best teacher for the poetry portion for my degree minor. So while I analyzed and broke apart poems, I didn’t have much left to enjoy in them.

After graduating, I wanted grow, and learn to love poetry for how diverse and dynamic the form was. I would go to a local bookstore and sit down in the poetry section. I would pull enticing titles off the shelf, leaf through to the middle, and read. I often wouldn’t even begin at the start of a poem. I just wanted to see if one stanza of one poem could talk to me.

If it didn’t talk to me–and a lot of them didn’t–I put it back and pulled out the next volume. But sometimes after the twentieth pull, I would find something. A tiny segment of word choice that would stand out to me. That dreamy instinctual quality of poetry would tug at me.

Sometimes, the words were relatable–but not very often. I wasn’t there to sink too deep into the poet’s words, make the meaning of the whole poem make sense. I was waiting for a poem where I could lean against the dreamy words and, like a bow string, it would shoot my imagination off into a different direction.

Yes, I admit it. I used a lot of poetry as prompt books. Sometimes the turn of phrase sent me into a target belonging to a story or novel I was already working on. Other times, the arrow was simply pointed to the sky, sending me in a far arc, perhaps to land in a body of water where I might find shore, I might now.

But I appreciated the journey.

Source

And now I am starting to make my own journeys. The first collection I have started to amass is based on a fiction venture. The dreamscapes and fragmented memories of the soldiers I have cast. What started as an experiment to explore their inner life quickly became a project of its own.

I know some conventions for writing poetry. And some forms. I also own an anthology of sonnets I’ve been trying to make my way through for the better part of six years. But I’m not sure that the structured, regimented route is for me and my characters. Until the time comes were I might need to utilize those forms, I will freeform each character.

Have you enjoyed reading or writing poetry? I’d love to hear how you started learning to love poetry in the comments.

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Revising: Things Fall Together

The way things fall together when revising isn’t something I can teach. The way it works for me is: it just happens. But if I could figure out how to do it intentionally? That would be my writing utopia.

Take one small change just because. I want to see how it works. If it doesn’t work, I’ll cut it.

Inner Circle by James Lee via Flickr

So I make the change. And it clicks into place perfectly because it’s meant to be there. A dozen little details suddenly become part of the pattern. They’d been missing that connection, and the new change was it.

I can’t keep every bit of a novel in my head – especially when I move so slowly through it – and I’m not one of those writers who keeps an encyclopedic binder full of notes.

For one, I don’t have the patience for that. For another, I have yet to write a story that monstrously complex.

The trick to consciously determining what changes to make and why lies in deepening your understanding of the craft of writing and storytelling. And to do that, you need to immerse yourself in stories of all kinds. Take classes and workshops with instructors you trust. Read books on writing (the good ones). Read other books – fiction and non-fiction, as much as you can hold. Surround yourself with writers. Find a writing group that both challenges and supports you.

And write. Finish what you write. At least a first draft. If you haven’t done that yet (it took me years until I finally finished stories), you will be amazed at how much it teaches you.

The more you learn, the better you’ll be. Ten years ago, I didn’t have the faintest clue about anything like story structure. What was it? How did it work?

Now I’m getting better at picking out where the structure is flopping and how to fix it, though most days I still feel clueless.

Maybe in another few decades, I’ll have figured out the secret to making all the story pieces fall into place. Or maybe it will remain a mystery.

And if you’ve figured it out, let me know in the comments. I’ll pay! Money, my first born . . . I’m sure we can work something out.

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Tough to Tackle Reads: An Introduction

Out of our very first AGM sprouted some excellent ideas and desires that Melissa, Kate, and I collectively have for Anxiety Ink. We touched on so many things, and some back and forth opened up the notion of monthly or quarterly reviews we could post associated with the reading and writing niches each of us feel comfortable with and/or revel in.

Mine was easily the most difficult to pin down –especially for me. Kate pitched the idea that I should write a book review on a classic piece of literature every month, and I immediately imagined my reading life going up in flames. I’m just not as fast a reader as I used to be and I don’t have the same blocks of time I once devoted to my reading list. I tell you, adulthood is lame!

Her idea did call to me, however, so I mulled it over and came up with an idea I am extremely excited about! I’ve decided that every quarter I’m going to review a seemingly (or perhaps not so seemingly) tough to tackle read! Hence: Tough to Tackle Reads.

Though my segment won’t focus exclusively on classic literature, I can see a fair bit of it making its way onto the blog. But there are many elements that can make a book tough to tackle aside from being placed in a cannon, such as language, length, and content.

The main goal of my reviews is to convince people that the books they might put off reading, or altogether avoid, for whatever reason are actually worth the time and energy put into them! I’m determined to provide a list that is just tantalizing enough to get you to at least start the book –and I’ll dare you to finish it.

Obviously, this means I’ll be rather reader focused, but if there is a writing aspect, or text, to chat up, I promise to do my best on that front.

One of my other goals here is to discuss books I’ve recently read, though older ones may get pulled from my have-read shelf. I may or may not re-read them, but I’ll always let you know.

I’m absurdly excited about my Tough to Tackle Reads segment! I hope you tune in next week for my very first review!

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Writer Making Zines

I’m starting on a creative endeavour I never thought I would try: making zines.

Really, though, it is the medium for a recovering perfectionist. I have talked about perfectionism a lot. Like here. And here. Because I face perfectionist tendencies a lot.

There is a lot of anxiety wrapped up in writing. Revising. Editing. Formatting. Proofing. Reformatting. Proofing again…

I’ve had trouble relaxing in the creativity in the first step: writing.

Definition of a zine

A zine, by urban dictionary definition (which is actually SFW appropriate. Odd, for them), is a cheaply-made, cheaply-priced publication, often in black and white, which is mass-produced via photocopier and bound with staples.

Most zines revolve around a music scene of some sort, but others are dedicated to artwork, poetry, cartoons, editorials and short stories. Because zines do not have any sort of corporate backing, they are very rugged, individualized, and much more charismatic than larger, more popular magazines whose content is often dictated by their advertisers. (still from urban dictionary right now)

Basically, it’s whatever I want it to be. The small format mean I can relax about the publishing of it. It’s smaller scale, limited release, and I control the distribution. There isn’t the expectation of “take over the world” scale (which, yeah, some of my projects have :D).

So I’m giving making zines a try. I’ve got a list of ideas started and drafts to make. Poetry, comics, short stories, flash fiction…a whole list of things to do. There may even be a zine collective in the works (hint: there is).

Want to learn more?

If you’re curious about making zines, I found this awesome video:

how to make a zine from nicki sabalu on Vimeo.

Would you make a zine? Have you ever had a little idea that you wanted to have in its own self-contained package?

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Question Your Assumptions

I promised I’d do a post on questioning your assumptions! Others have said it before, much better than I’m about to, but here goes…

Have you ever wondered how to avoid falling into Trope City? How to make characters leap from the page rather than fall flat, two-dimensional?

Question your assumptions. Challenge them.

Why is this character male? Or white? What happens if you change that?

My side characters and set dressing characters tend to come across as cardboard cutouts in early drafts. I put them there to serve a narrative role, and that is all they do. They are dull and boring, which makes their scenes similarly uninteresting. Then I remember to question.

So I make the blacksmith a woman. I make the wealthy and politically powerful man dark-skinned.

Wait: why did the wealthy and politically powerful character default to a man?

See? We constantly make assumptions. The walk-on characters get the brunt of it because most of us don’t plot them out in exacting detail. But it’s amazing how much they can influence the mood and tone, and the narrative as a whole.

And it’s not just characters! If you’re like me, the weather in your story is usually good. If it’s storming, it’s because things are going to hell in a hand basket. Challenge your setting – why here? Why now? What if it were here or then?

Question. Constantly question. Don’t assume – that way lies lazy writing. Do I keep every idea I come up with? Hell, no. Some of those are just terrible.

But sometimes, opening myself up to other options opens up the story in a way I hadn’t even considered possible. It becomes instantly richer and deeper. It’s really kind of amazing.

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