Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 29

Day Job Takeaways: A Boost in Confidence

We’ve been talking a lot about changes behind the scenes of Anxiety Ink. Even on my personal blog, E.V. Writes, I’m revamping things. Change stresses me out. Delving into the unknown is both exciting and anxiety inducing.

I’m tackling a lot of things I know nothing about. My only saving grace is that I am a fast learner and able to learn about a variety of topics. I know I can keep my head above water and figure out everything I need to know. It’s a bit difficult talking myself down and confirming that in moments of upset. At least with age I’m getting better at calming myself.

As far as business goes, as far as running my own business goes, I am a fish out of water. I need a lot of hand holding and there is no one to hold my hand, which is its own frustration. But a lot of things have jumped out at me lately and made me realize that not knowing is not the same as failure, and trying is more important than not.

I’m relying heavily on my day job experience as a confidence boost when it comes to running my writing business. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I’m in the world of finance. While that sounds underwhelming, let me place it in context for you.

I’m very right-brained, I excel in the arts and I’m very good at memorization. While I am logical and rational, I have struggled with math and calculations my entire life. That is my main area of weakness. I also struggle with human interaction but I doubt I can blame either side of my brain for that.

My point is, I’ve ended up in a job that relies on my areas of weakness: math and people. There have been perks since day one, like working close to home and having benefits, though I absolutely had my share of moments where I felt overwhelmed. My six month itch was hard to get through –I think everyone has a moment where they feel they want to quit their job about six months in? I do the same around the two year mark. Have you ever noticed you follow that pattern or is it just me?

Anyhow, I stuck it out, and the funny thing now is I’m good at my job. Really good. I’ll never be a natural salesperson or mathematician, but I’ve proven to myself that in the same playing field I can keep up with the naturals. It took me roughly 24 months to acquire the necessary knowledge base and hone my skills, but I did it.

Each year at my job we do our performance evaluations in October (the fiscal year ends October 31), which is when we basically get graded by our managers. Last year I received the highest grade, which means I really had/have to work my butt off this year to do the same. I think I have, we haven’t had our meeting yet. What I do know is that my sales abilities, my ability to talk up myself and my products, and stand up for myself have vastly improved this year. As have my abilities to juggle a lot in a smaller timeframe.

What I’ve learned at the day job is highly applicable to my writing business, and the skills I’ve acquired are invaluable. I still need to work on my confidence and figure out the general running of things, but I have evidence that I can excel once all the little bumps are figured out. Being a writer today, especially a newbie with thoughts of delving into the indie world, these skills are invaluable.

I still have a lot of learning to do. So much so that I’m a little overwhelmed, but I can do it. I’ve proven to myself that I can enter into a world green as a cucumber and still come out, if not on the top, damn close to it. I just have to put in the time and the effort.

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Women Writing Events: a Reaction

Okay, so, you’ve heard all about my undying love for Sirens. While I love Sirens, I’m finding more and more issues with women writing events.

This last week, I went to a local writing festival’s women writing event. The event hosted high calibre authors–and I did take away quotes, ideas, and motivation from those writers. However, some underlying themes displeased me with in the lecture.

Poor choice in moderator.

The subpar moderator was unprepared, repetitive, and careless with her language. Starting with that, the participating authors were left in a position of correcting her summaries of their answers instead of letting their answers exist for themselves.

It wasn’t intersectional.

The main issue I had with the event is that it wasn’t intersectional. The mood shifted when the moderator’s language dumbed down the conversation and changed it to a binary face-off. The panel could have been a celebration of women writing, the future of women writing, and how women writing can inspire and support other underrepresented communities.

The main reason why I am exploring this topic here on Anxiety Ink is that this perception is shifting to my reading as well. Where I would previously keep reading a book through until the end even if I wasn’t enthused by it…now, I stop. I don’t have the time to invest in things that won’t force me to grow as a person. And while these authors had books and opinions could grow me, the moderator’s uninformed notion of feminism sabotaged the event.

A solution? Not so much.

I don’t have a solution, and I won’t pretend to. Because the solution is all of us asking for more from our events. Reaching out to authors and letting them speak. Not forcing our own views onto another but instead listening and growing.

This weekend, I am at Sirens. A community of people where gender is acknowledged to not be a binary, sexuality exists on an individual basis, and women are a part of a complex solution, not facing a never-ending issue.

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Anxiety Kills

Anxiety kills my writing, but not writing causes anxiety. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle, and so damn hard to break from.

On Sunday – a normal day off – I drove by my workplace and immediately felt panic spike, and that’s not good. So, in retrospect, it’s not all that surprising that my productivity has tanked so badly over the last couple years.

The last few weeks have been even more unproductive because of my first attempt at stage managing a show. (Verdict so far: not too bad – actually a lot of fun – but damn, is it a lot of work.) My theatre obligations have given my slacker-writer-self an excuse to slack off even more.

I haven’t written anything in any of my stories for a week or two, while the weekly Writing Bitch Sessions have to wait until the show is over to resume. This fact is driving me nuts and destroying my few coping skills.

An acquaintance last week asked how the writing was going, and the truth made me realize that I’m currently treating writing as a hobby – and a not very important one, at that.

Clearly, something needs to change. Fast.

But I submitted a short story to an anthology! My first submission of the year. And Sunday night, I had a long, wonderful talk with an amazing writer-friend (we’ve applied for a residency to work on an urban fantasy collaboration). At least what energy I have outside of work is going to something creative, because otherwise the stress would be so much worse.

So how do you break the cycle of stress and anxiety? Please share! I can use all the help I can get.

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Holiday Gift Ideas: Early Edition

I don’t know about you, but I am one of those people that starts their gift shopping quite early, whether it’s for Christmas (since that’s what I and the people close to me celebrate) or birthdays. Mercifully, everyone’s birthdays are behind me by this point in the year, and you better believe I’ve started my Christmas shopping.

Still, gift shopping is hard. Things are constantly getting pricier. People’s tastes change. And you can’t always get people the same types of things –well, I don’t, since I do try to be thoughtful. How do you think outside the box all the time on your own?

My trick is to grab stuff all year that I think people will like and keep it hidden in my closet. Over the course of the past few months I’ve come across some pretty cool items online that I thought I’d share just in case people need some inspiration. They are writer and reader targeted.

Writers love writer related items -especially the quirky variety! And, more than likely, they like hot beverages. This mug from Etsy provides the best of both. 

For the readers in your life who own e-readers, you know deep inside they want a beautiful e-reader case! This one is specifically for Kobo Glo and Touch, but they make beautiful cases for a variety of technology.

I am in love with these pendants. Someone in my life is getting one, and I am so buying myself one as soon as I can decide on a book!

I’ve already given The School for Good and Evil trilogy as a birthday gift because I love the series. While it’s targeted towards middle grade, it’s far from boring and has elements adult readers can appreciate. It’s imaginative and girl-focused, it’s funny and touching, and it’s just a great take on fairy tales.

That’s all I’ve got for now! Don’t worry, I’ll do more holiday editions soon.

Please note this post contains affiliate links. If you click on them and decide to buy an item I’ve mentioned I will be given a small commission by the seller which I will be putting back into Anxiety Ink.

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Uprooted by Naomi Novik – Anxiety Ink Book Club

It’s my turn for the Anxiety Ink Book Club! And, if you’ve been following along with us on Goodreads, you can get the heads up a month in advance of the titles we plan to talk about.

[image error]Uprooted by Naomi Novik:

“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”

Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life.

Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood.

The next choosing is fast approaching, and Agnieszka is afraid. She knows—everyone knows—that the Dragon will take Kasia: beautiful, graceful, brave Kasia, all the things Agnieszka isn’t, and her dearest friend in the world. And there is no way to save her.

But Agnieszka fears the wrong things. For when the Dragon comes, it is not Kasia he will choose.

How did this book catch my attention?

When I attended Sirens in 2015, Uprooted came up in numerous discussions from a wide variety of people there. I have mentioned many times before how Sirens has a place in my heart, and, the reality is, all the wonderful people attending Sirens are what make it great. So when I hear a book mentioned on repeat, despite only coming out less than half a year before the conference, I know they are onto something.

Once onto my reading wishlist, Uprooted surged to the top of my TBR pile as it snagged the Nebula Award for Best Novel and the 2016 Locus Award for Best Fantasy Novel.

Reaction to Uprooted

This book is scrumptious; that’s the best word for it. Novik’s evocative prose conveyed extravagant apparel and delicious foods without slowing down the narrative–something I majorly need to work on in my own writing. Her execution left me salivating at times.

The magic was effortless. I didn’t feel lost in magical science technicalities that bog down a lot of modern writers. It really gives me a feeling to aim for in my fantasy-based works.

The Polish and Russian roots for the worldbuilding and magic made the narrative stunning against the backdrop of an infinite number of Western European, Latin-derivative fantasy stories.

The showstealer? The relationship between Kasia and Agnieszka. The trust between them is perfection. It is so refreshing to see a relationship between women in a narrative that isn’t competitive. To have both sides of the friendship demonstrate strength without rivalry or antagonism. They were not in contention for a love interest–there was a fierce and unapologetic love between them that bordered on queer (which made me so happy!). I do feel a bit queer-baited, but even the friendship between them is rewarding as a queer reader. Better romantic chemistry existed between Kasia and Agnieszka than Agnieszka and Sarkan.

That being said, the book was long. My reading brain is used to shorter novels with traditional genre structures. And my reaction to this really diverged. On one hand, it was a refreshing change not to be able to sit with a book that has a plug-and-play narrative. I liked not quite knowing what was going to happen next. The reading stress of holding the narrative’s strings in my hand, waiting for the plot points to be tied back in was refreshing (as much as it was anxiety-inducing!).

On the other hand, the events of this book stretched out just a tad too long. A few too many ‘final’ battles. It made it exhausting to want to keep chasing Agnieszka at the end.

This book reminds me of…

Movies: The Brother’s Grimm

Authors: Tamora Pierce and Robin McKinely

Interested in reading?

If you’re interested in reading Uprooted by Naomi Novik, here’s where you can find it (and support keeping this blog online at the same time using these links!):

Amazon.com

Amazon.ca

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Beginnings: Way More Complicated Than They Should Be

I’m currently flailing around trying to find the beginning of this short story. Beginnings are not a strength of mine, so they rarely start in the right place.

Because I’m not big on planning, I sometimes start stories with little more than a concept or character, which doesn’t help. The more I know about a story, the easier it is to get the opening right. If I’ve found the major beats, I have a better feel for where and when to break into the story. Over time, I’ve become better at this, so there’s less flailing, in general.

But I find short stories harder than novels. Because I’m weird like that.

Stories that begin with a lot of background and exposition won’t hold me unless the voice is highly compelling. But I start a lot of stories that way as I find their unique voices and slowly find my footing.

Most of it will come out in revision, if I don’t cut it entirely. I find a certain freedom in simply allowing myself to flail, since sometimes that is the only way I’ll find my beginning.

So I did that for this story. I don’t know if the current beginning – what I found after flailing – will stay because that will depend on how the story unfolds. For now, it’s not a bad start from which to build the rest.

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2016 Goals: Third Check-In, 75% there!

Last but not least, ok perhaps least when I get down to things below, I’m ready to dive into my third goal check-in! First though, I have to say I love the initial line of Melissa’s update: ‘In all my goals over the years, I’ve never added, “Learn to be productive without outside accountability.”’

This spoke volumes to me as I pointed at my computer screen repeating, “Yes.” This is something I too struggle with, something I’ve thought about a lot this year, something I’ve even come up with a plan for –a plan I have failed to execute because I keep letting it get pushed back.

And that phrase about sums up my check-in here: I keep letting it get pushed back. “It” being everything.

I had similar sentiments in my last update but didn’t do anything about them over the past three months. And man did those months fly. I will say I’ve gotten back on track with my blogging; I’m struggling a bit with my personal blog because I’m trying to reorganize it and the process is not going as smoothly as I had imagined.

I’m writing more but not putting words into my stories. I’m using NaNo as my no-holds-barred re-acquaintance with my writing projects in November. But I am writing more, I should focus on that positive.

My update is not nearly as impressive (intimidating?) as Kate’s, but here it is:

Write close to 3 000 words per week, half that for blog weeks –my writing prompt Mondays and Wednesdays haven’t seen me hit 3 000, but I’ve accumulated words!
Shop “Brew Disaster” around –I have not made the time for this, which is a shame.
Shop my literary stories around –see the comment above, again.
Read a minimum of 68 books over the year –I did the math on this literally last night. I need to read 38 books in 3 months. I’ll try. Who needs sleep anyway?
Introduce something new to Anxiety Ink –I’d say we have this in the bag this year.
Write a new short story –this one is still back-burnered, but I may turn to it if NaNo gets tough.
Learn how to meditate –I don’t know why I won’t do this!
Keep up the exercise to boost energy –I’m doing quite good with this and am seeing the results from my newly varied workouts!
Run 5 km without stopping –I pulled something else so I’m giving this up until 2017.
Cook more often –this is a time management issue for me.
Try something new –working up to this –still.
Be POSITIVE –for my own sanity (and tension filled shoulders) I need to work harder on this.
Participate in NaNoWriM0 2016 and exceed 2015’s word count –it’s coming and I’m nervous-excited. This year is going to be hard.
Finish writing RA2 –I’m counting on NaNo for this.
Turn RA1 into a readable manuscript –at this point, this has to be tabled to 2017.
Read a Shakespearean play –I picked a play, now I need to read the bloody thing…
Be greener –while this is a constant work in progress, I’m improving.
Set goals for myself at the day job and hit them –year end reviews are in October and I’m excited to have that discussion. I’m a little worried about next year for a lot of reasons.
Edit and complete my crow story –my poor writing, still. I have not made time for this.
Draw more –yet another neglected item.

Obviously I’m still struggling with balance. Over the past few weeks I’ve taken a good look at different aspects of my life and have taken steps to overhaul them. Obviously, change for me is hard and slow but I’m fed up with myself so things are changing asap.

An obstacle I’ve only recently realized involves my motivation. All of these goals feed into one big goal but that big goal is too abstract, too hazy. Thus my motivation has no drive -and no endpoint. I need to evaluate what I want and determine a timeframe or else stasis is going to be my perpetual reality.

I have three months before the New Year and I desperately want 2017 to be different than 2016. I have not liked 2016, I have not liked myself in 2016, though the reasons for that were largely out of my control, in part. 2017 is already going to start differently because I’m going on my first real vacation in four years. And if we’re talking about a purely relaxing vacation, we’re talking seven years. I’m due, and I think it’s going to improve my mental well-being more than I can say.

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GUEST POST: Queens & Courtesans, an Anthology Editor’s Perspective

Today we have a wonderful guest post by former Inkette Jessica Corra, anthology editor for Queens & Courtesans!

And over to Jessica Corra…

I’m so excited to share Queens & Courtesans with you today. Anthologies are a great way to sample new authors, but how do they happen?

I’d like to talk about the behind-the-scenes of putting together Q&C. Many people assume editors are fussy grammarians or craft geniuses, and they wouldn’t be wrong. But what editors really are is picky. Our concern for detail is what helps authors take their books to the next level in a lot of cases. And in the case of anthologies, it’s what makes them flow no matter how disparate the authors are.

Length of Tales

An obvious place to begin is word count. This can be a stumbling block for authors, but having a three-page story and a thirty-page story in the same anthology could be incongruous, no matter your theme. We asked our authors to stay between 3500 and 6500 words. (Writers use word count, not page count, by the way, but as an Anxiety Ink reader I suspect you know that.) That way there’s still a variety without any one story dominating through length, or others being lost.

Sequencing of Stories

Once the stories are edited and I know their final version word counts, I can put them in order, which is the absolute fun part. I’ll have started doing this beforehand, but depending on how edits go, changes might be made. For an anthology like this where stories center around a particular theme but aren’t all the same genre, I took a look at what genres I had: Q&C features two science fiction, one horror, and eight fantasy stories. Obviously we don’t want to put all the fantasy stories together and clump the rest, so that automatically meant certain authors wouldn’t be next to each other. Then I factored in word count too. The sci-fi stories were somewhat short, so having middle to longer length fantasies around them helps create an ebb and flow.

More than one of the fantasy stories use similar tropes, so those had to be separated too. Getting the idea? It’s like playing a game of wordy Tetris. How fun is that? Of course, depending on the effect you want to create on the reader, maybe you put stories with similar tropes together, to play off each other. I knew I had to put Ellie Zygmunt’s “The Wren and the Nightingale” first because of the way it uses the nature of story, I thought that would be a wonderful way to kick things off, to clue the reader in to pay attention to how these stories are told, not just the stories themselves. But that meant “The Queen’s Dove” wouldn’t be second, due to the bird theme.

Reader, I even used Excel. I made a spreadsheet with theme, genre, word count, and some other personal notes for myself to consider as I put these stories in order. As you can see, a lot more goes into creating anthologies than you might expect. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed editing!

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Queens & Courtesans – Creating an Anthology

What started as a misunderstood Facebook post blossomed into a full anthology. Queens & Courtesans, a Benefit Anthology for the Sirens Conference I love so much, comes out tomorrow. I still have trouble believing we went from joking about creating an anthology…to creating an anthology.

Learning Volunteer Nation

We have had more volunteers than I can recall. We had volunteers for editing (former Inkette Jessica Corra, who will be guest posting tomorrow!), writing, beta reading, illustrating, cover designing, proofreading, formatting, and wrangling. This project, at the quality it ended up being, couldn’t have happened without every single one of those bases covered.

The essence of this project was learning. We all were taking on roles where we had to learn. Jessica Corra hadn’t edited an anthology before. I hadn’t formatted print documents before. Many of our contributors did not have previously published stories. We all took on jobs to learn in a community that would enable us to grow with a support net.

Helping Hands

For myself, I ended up as co-creator, formatter, writer, and timeliner. Did I take on too much for this project? Sometimes it felt that way. But that was a symptom of a bigger problem for me. I take on a lot–at times, too much. When I get involved with something, I want to give it more of myself. It had happened with various University projects during my undergraduate degree. It had happened far too many times with the writing organizations I have been a part of.

This project, though, was different. I didn’t own this project and the outcome; we all did. While making the timeline gave me a sense of ownership over the project and its success (or potential failure), I knew going in that I could not be all things to all people for this project.

I asked for help–and I got it! Everyone involved stepped up to the plate.

This entire project took a village, and it was all to raise money for our town hall: Sirens.

Giving Thanks

It was a race to finish before the next Sirens (October 20-23), especially since the idea for the anthology only came into being in February.

Queens & Courtesans goes on sale tomorrow! So, on this publishing eve, I want to say thank you to everyone who helped make this anthology a reality. We all had such a vibrant vision and it came together so well. I feel honoured to have worked with everyone.

And, maybe, let’s do this again. After all, I still have more to learn.

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Creating Creativity

Creativity spawns creativity. I always – somehow – manage to forget that until it happens in a big way.

Over the weekend, I participated my theatre troupe’s annual 24-Hour Play Festival. Fifth anniversary edition! And we had about 50 people participate as writers, directors, and actors – the biggest year so far.

I didn’t write this year, but I really enjoyed acting in it. I had a wonderful team to work and a pretty great play to work with.

The overall quality of the shows improved noticeably from last year. Rather than a few stand-out performances, every show had something that set it apart and made it memorable. And most of the writers had little to no experience, which made the shows even more amazing.

The festival is a creative space. A safely creative space.

We crammed 50 of us into a grange hall, so some of us rehearsed in the auditorium, some in the dining hall, some in the stairwell, and some outside on the lawn. We gathered for the collaborative effort of creating and performing plays that hadn’t existed 24 hours ago.

Yeah, it was that awesome.

Because we had so many people focused on the same (or at least similar) goals, the creative energy was through the roof. I firmly believe that’s a big reason why we had so many amazing shows.

We will have video of the shows posted at some point, but for now here’s a link to the video of the play I wrote last year.

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