Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 18

Where Do Cultural Appropriation and Identity Politics Intersect?

Last weekend I was a good little student and started a report due for my current writing course. Step one involved finding a TED Talk to write about and coming up with our main idea. That was hard, because there are so many fabulous TED Talks, but I immediately went to the writers because I know I can explore that subject to exhaustion.

I don’t know what finally pushed me towards it, but I chose a Talk by Elif Shafak, who I hadn’t heard of before, called “The politics of fiction”. It’s a longer listen, but it is an excellent presentation.

If you don’t get the chance to listen, here’s the gist: Shafak is a Turkish writer raised by a westernized, educated, single-mother who worked as a diplomat and an old-fashioned, highly superstitious, witch-doctor grandmother in Ankara. Growing up abroad in posh schools, Shafak lived the negative side of diversity: her cosmopolitan classrooms turned each individual student into representatives of their cultures. When bad things happened in Turkey, she was tormented.

Throughout her life, Shafak was pigeonholed into a stereotypical Turkish identity that was not hers. When she started writing novels in English, critics said the same things to her: I liked your book, but I was looking for you in it. Throughout her career she has been placed on writing panels with other authors simply because they provided the diversity -their writing was in no way similar, the writers just differed culturally from the majority in attendance.

A poignant point she makes in her speech, one I actually do not agree with, is that she does not believe the language of fiction is the language of politics. She argues that fiction is stories and a means of exploring. She would love for creative writers to move beyond writing what they know.

Right after listening to her, and doing some basic research for my topic, the whole Write magazine and Hal Niedzviecki debacle occurred. I read an excellent CBC article on it and they published a scan of the editorial Niedzviecki wrote. In it, he says the exact same thing: go against the proscribed axiom and write what you don’t know.

Now, he has so obviously missed the mark on issues of cultural appropriation that it is painful to witness his self-destruction. That just goes to show you how isolated and out of touch insulated literary institutions can be. Cultural appropriation is real. It exists. And this white man got what he deserved in the fallout.

What I am so fascinated by here, is seeing the same argument from both sides –though presented in vastly different ways. Shafak doesn’t want her identity to limit her ability to be a creative writer. She wants to be able to explore the elements of fiction freely. Obviously, writing as the other for a western audience means she is pretty much absolved of any kind of appropriation. Niedzviecki doesn’t even realize he is a cog in an endlessly oppressive machine and it is not ok to steal from cultures and then belittle them.

As someone who writes diverse characters and has listened to many panels related to writing the other, I maintain that it is ok to write the other as long as you do it responsibly. What does that mean? For starters, do your research. Don’t rely on offensive tropes or what you believe embodies a person from a different background than yourself.

Next, you cannot write the experience of being the other when you are not the other. One of the most succinct tidbits I heard at an LGBTQ panel last year was, paraphrased here, “Write gay characters. But don’t, as a straight person, write the experience of being gay. Because you can’t do it right. No amount of research can let you understand the layers.”

I’ve written from the POV of native characters but I have never tackled their experience of being native. That would be idiotic of me. No amount of sympathy or understanding or fury will ever allow me to do that justice. Besides, native people should be allowed to write the stories of their own experiences. If these two items don’t jive for you and you are writing diverse characters, you are likely appropriating. Making mistakes is fine, that’s how people learn, but don’t get offended when someone from whatever background you’ve written corrects you or gets offended. Learn. Move on.

Getting back to my report –I do have a reason for bringing all of this up, aside from the fact that cultural appropriation and identity politics are important things to know if you’re a writer. I have questions I want to pose.

Looking at these two examples, and even the Lionel Shriver explosion last year, here’s what I want to know: Do you think that the author of a piece is able to remove themselves from it? Is the writer always going to be where cultural appropriation and identity politics intersect in fiction? Can readers ever really separate authors from their stories?

I know my answers to these questions and my research is helping but I would love to hear from the writing community we have here. Thanks in advance for you thoughts!

 

Here’s the Write scan if you want to read it:

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Weather Influencing Writing

I’m finding my inspiration, motivation, and dedication to writing going up lately and I am fairly certain it’s weather influencing writing that I’m doing.

We had a really tough winter in Calgary this year. Lots of -30C days (and colder nights) and far too much snow. Add on top of that a newborn and you just aren’t leaving the house as much, instead retreating to a cavern of pillows and Netflix to make it through the nights-of-little-sleep and days-of-crocodile-tears.

Source

I am slowly finding all my wits about me and am compiling the few minutes I have here and there into something I can use more effectively.

Seasonally Affected Writing?

I know that my depression is often impacted by the weather. I am at my most productive in spring and fall–summer is too hot for me usually.

When the weather finally started to break into spring (we are still getting the occasional snowfall and I’m still scraping my car windshield some mornings–when it isn’t ice from fain that has frozen!), I felt like a lot of my goals were coming back into focus.

I am ready to work on my personal writing, still aiming to query or publish books next year. I can get more things done on the comic in a day–even the administrative stuff that just murders me. I can do this, balancing my job, my family, and my clamouring-for-attention story ideas.

Does anyone else finds their productivity impacted by weather?

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Ink Links Roundup

Author Fred Van Lente has the best marketing advice Elisa has ever heard. He doesn’t provide a new concept, but he phrases an old one in a way she truly connects with.

“You need to create books people want to read, and, you know, that comes in the what-book-should-I-write stage and a lot of your battle’s already won or lost before the book actually comes out.”

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Superstition, tradition, and The Arabian Nights? What more can you ask for? All in this lovely article.

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This is one of the best articles on failure Elisa has read. The only flaw: a lack of female examples. So, when you feel like a failure as a writer, or just in general, remember how many times J.K. Rowling submitted HP before someone took a chance on her. And remember that Sherrilyn Kenyon was a certified failed writer before her Dark Hunters series took off.

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There is no denying that George R. R. Martin and Robin Hobb are among the masters of the craft. I might be in love with this one quote from Robin Hobb on writing: “It’s like chasing butterflies and trying not to crush them.”

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Impostor Syndrome is Evil and Universal

I saw an image floating around Facebook in the past week with some words from Neil Gaiman on Impostor Syndrome. He was attending where he didn’t feel like he measured up, despite his fame and success. Then in conversation with Neil Armstrong, he found out he wasn’t alone.

So what does it say about Impostor Syndrome that it affects even a rockstar writer and the first man to walk on the moon?

Mostly, that it’s all bullshit.

I’ve been struggling hard with this lately in my own life. I feel like I’m faking it as a writer because between burnout and stress I haven’t been writing. Auditioning at an open call for a professional theater felt like I had no right to be there because I had nothing to put down for training. High school and a single college class with a professor whose name I’ve long since forgotten don’t really count.

This weekend, I’ll be attending my ten-year college reunion. Five years ago at reunion, I felt self-conscious because I’d worked retail since graduation. (Not that anyone was judging me except myself!) Now I have a day job that sounds impressive but is not any of the things I care about. Even in those moments of extreme competence at work, I feel like I’m faking.

Most of the time, I feel like I’m not a real adult, so this impending motherhood thing? People wished me a happy mother’s day yesterday. It’s like I’ve led everyone on, I’m pretending to be what I’m not. Which is fine in fiction, less so in real life.

And while I know Impostor Syndrome is all bullshit, that doesn’t change how I feel.

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Happy Birthday to Me

Though I’m a little late, I’m upholding my Annual Birthday Post tradition. While I sit here typing, getting ready to celebrate my birthday with my friends, I’m reticent to reflect on my year. Last year’s birthday was a big one. This birthday nudges me closer to the big 3-0 and I feel woefully unprepared to start thinking of my future. I’m not afraid of the age, I’m more nervous of the changes that will inevitably happen. 30 feels like ADULTHOOD, and I do not feel ready. But I’m borrowing trouble, so I’m going to stop thinking in those terms.

Like I’ve said before, my birthday marks the time I like to analyze my personal growth over the past 12 months and see how I’ve challenged myself. What kinds of major accomplishments and setbacks did I face? What are my feelings about my current state of existence?

Accomplishments

In the grand scheme of personal growth, I shook myself hard out of my comfort zone this year. That in itself is a major accomplishment.

I did the usual writerly things: attended WWC 2016, learning about different aspects of my art than in previous years and worked consistently on Anxiety Ink and E.V. Writes. I finally started a new piece of fiction though my other projects have been largely ignored (again).

Something relatively new involved a life crisis. I faced it and enrolled in a professional writing course at the University of Calgary so that I can take my day career in a different, more fulfilling direction. While this has made my schedule that much more unmanageable some days, the fact that I am excelling, haven’t missed a day at the day job, and still hit all my deadlines means I am far better at balancing then I give myself credit for.

I managed to get some answers about the health issues that were plaguing me last year. While I don’t have a permanent solution at the moment, I have some good temporary ones and my health is better than it has been in quite a long time.

I’m also on track to completely pay-off one of my two student loans in November. I am focused on that like a laser.

Lastly, I spent 6 days lying in the Caribbean sand while the Mexican sun burned me raw –I need to find more and better vacation opportunities in my life.

Setbacks

The struggle at the day job has gotten worse in recent months. Finding a new job is a slow process, but I want to make the right move. Honestly, I find it exhausting to be there. But I show up every day and do my best. I don’t hate my job, I just need more. In my spare moments I’m doing homework, assigned reading, and blogging for the most part. My art has taken an enormous hit, but I have to see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope with better prospects and (ideally) less stress, my art will flourish.

Last year, I said I felt like I’m not growing as a writer. I have to admit I feel the same, but earning this certificate is bolstering my confidence. While it’s not focused on fiction in any way, all the skills I have apply. It’s nice to see I have good skills. Still, my fiction needs more attention than I give it. I have decent breaks between courses so that is when I will have to tackle my projects full force.

Feelings

This is always a tricky topic for me. I’m not particularly satisfied with myself personally or professionally at the moment. I’ve managed to find better equilibrium in my life but it’s come with sacrifices. I’m not sure how I feel about those right now.

I didn’t think I could have rougher times at the day job but this year proved me wrong. This has simply reinforced the realization I need a change.

As always, I am excruciatingly tough on myself. I have to remind myself of all the things I have accomplished more often than I beat myself down. I have really taken the “grow more” challenge to heart this year and I am making myself do things I never would have considered even two years ago. I have some big plans for myself in the next year and I just need to focus on those goals and maintaining forward momentum.

Time is still getting away from me faster than I want it to. My Hogwarts letter has yet to arrive so I guess I won’t have a magical solution any time soon.

My January goals are still being tackled like a champ. I have plans. I’m shaking things up. I’m growing. I’m moving forward. Perhaps my pace is not quite what I would like it to be, but at least I’m not going backwards.

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Formative Stories

Have you ever taken a look back over the formative stories in your life and how those influences your writing? Or your sense of self?

I have a theory. All those early books and stories you are exposed to, the ones you love build into you. Your childhood is formed by the stories you experience.

When I was a kid, there were stories I didn’t like and just shrugged off. But then there were stories I considered magical. Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C Wrede. The Tortall and Circle of Magic books by Tamora Pierce. The Nine Days Queen by Karleen Bradford. Various books by Patricia Briggs. A sampling of anime and manga like Sailor Moon and Magic Knight Rayearth. These stories became me.

When I read stories now, I find I can’t lose myself in them quite the same. I’ve learned too much, implemented too many academic strategies to really sink into the stories without having an opinion. The plot might be made of mesh or a character is too erratic, I can’t help but examine it with arcs and tools I’ve learned in my quest to become a better writer. In some of these stories, if I had read them when I was younger, I could have overlooked that if I was just lost in the magic of the story. The characters or creatures, the politics or the worldbuilding–something to carry me away.

I’m afraid to revisit a lot of the formative stories for me in case they aren’t as magical as I have held them in my memories. I don’t want that magic to disappear.

I’ve been wondering on what themes I keep bringing into my work–themes was always my worst subject in literature (seriously, I’m really bad with academic reading of work). But the reality is, I don’t want to look too closely. I find that if I over examine things, I lose what makes them innately magical, just as revisiting stories exposes some of the nit-picky flaws to me.

I listened to an author friend of mine get interviewed in a podcast (Glynn Stewart on the SFF Marketing Podcast). And he mentioned that readers often tell him that his works tend to explore a few themes. But he doesn’t worry about it when he’s writing because it would bog down his writing.

I had the pleasure of hearing Michael Chabon speak with creative writing grad students. “Never worry about responses,” he said (you know, roughly paraphrased because I didn’t have a tape recorder with me, just sloppy handwriting). “What you think will push buttons won’t. It’s often the trivial details you overlooked that can and will inflame people. Politics are up to the reader. Fiction should be open; the more open and interpretable the work speaks to its quality.”

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Ink Links Roundup

Here’s some food for thought from TOR.com:

Cory Doctorow’s upcoming novel Walkaway deals in small ideas. It takes dozens of incremental extensions to current technology and predicts their aggregate effect on the world. This more subtle, realistic approach to sci-fi can cover more ground than a single big idea.

Read more here!

Who wouldn’t want to read this article on the State of Feminism in Young Adult Fantasy: Viewing Femininity as a Strength, Not a Weakness?

Looking for a great Worldbuilding 101 with a focus on theory? Check out this article by Martin Rezny posted on Electric Literature!

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Layered Worlds; or, Things I Love About Worldbuilding

So for the last two weeks, I’ve immersed myself in the world of Kristen Britain’s Green Rider series. And it has once again reminded me of something I love in fantasy and scifi worlds: history. Layers.

I discovered the Green Rider series in sixth grade. It wasn’t a series at that point. Now, almost twenty years later, the sixth book just recently released.

You know what that means? Marathon re-read.

This re-read has probably occupied most of my waking hours. I still don’t quite know how I accomplished any prep work for the audition last weekend. (I finally bit the bullet and attended open auditions for a professional theatre – I’m even mostly happy with how I did! Because of course that’s what you do to celebrate week 17 of pregnancy . . . )

Point is: I love reading worlds with rich layers of history and culture. I see it more clearly now that I’m reading them all together. Folklore ties to real people – some of whom still live – and real events whose effects are still felt. Cultures and factions interact with the weight of history behind them.

But the sense of that history itself is what I love most. Ruins of ancient times, relics of peoples lost even to myth, all interconnected and still affecting the modern day of the story.

I aspire to one day craft a world like that. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the hell out of the one Kristen Britain created.

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Tough to Tackle Reads: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë

I want to start this post with an apology. I try to do my Tough to Tackle Reads segment quarterly and I fell extremely behind with this one. Basically, it came down to bad time management. That said, I’ll get started.

This time around, I chose another major Victorian novel. In case you haven’t guessed it, I love a good Victorian novel. I picked The Tenant of Wildfell Hall because Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre are two of my favourite books and I felt it was about time the third Brontë sister received some attention.

I adored this book. I love how ahead of its time and unapologetic it is. I love how it’s written, I love the depth of the characters, and I even enjoy the morality. I’m a reader who prefers a dark undertone to what she reads. As much as I love Pride and Prejudice, the Brontës’ fascination with the darker sides of human nature make their works that much more compelling to me.

The Book

Published in 1848, Anne Brontë’s novel hit the scene with a splash and a raising of Victorian eyebrows. According to the synopsis on the back cover, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is a novel that covers a lot of topics: one man’s physical and moral decline via alcohol-abuse, the slow breakdown of a marriage, a disquisition on the raising of children, and a harsh critique of the role of women in Victorian society.

This book hit close to home for its author. Many of the events within were inspired by Anne’s first-hand account of her brother’s slow decline into drink and his subsequent death a year before her own. Brontë’s novel has shocked and entertained readers for over a century, and its lessons are still relevant today.

The Author

As I’m sure you’ve figured out, Anne Brontë is one of those Brontës. The youngest of the family, Anne is the “lesser known” novelist and poetess member of the famous triumvirate. Her prose differ from Emily and Charlotte’s in that she writes in a sharp, ironic style, not laden with as much imagery and metaphor as her siblings –though don’t doubt she can write a beautiful turn of phrase when it’s called for. If you haven’t read any of the Brontë’s works, I would suggest starting with Anne. I think she’s more accessible.

Anne passed away in 1849, a year after The Tenant of Wildfell Hall hit the bookstores. She wrote only one other novel, Agnes Grey, published in 1845. Charlotte did her best to supress The Tenant of Wildfell Hall after Anne passed away but thankfully it maintained its popularity. By Victorian standards, the book was shocking –it depicts extramarital sex, drunkenness, drug experimentation– so it’s not too surprising that Charlotte would not like it to stand as her sister’s legacy.

However, to say that it’s a book only intended to offend the reader does Anne a disservice. Important lessons, harsh lessons, are imparted within its pages and it’s obvious that the writer felt a strong moral imperative to write about her experiences watching her brother’s decline. This need lead her to write a manifesto of women’s rights that the world needed in turn.

Length

I found the ending of this tale exceedingly long. However, that’s only because I thought it was going to end in a different way. I thought things were being dragged out. They weren’t My copy comes in at a 409 pages, which I don’t think is long for the period. It’s nothing like Jane Eyre, if that helps you. And it’s not dense like Wuthering Heights.

My Difficulty Rating

Since I have a background in reading Victorian novels, I would give this a 2/5. People who don’t read a lot of Victorian work might find it a bit difficult, but Anne Brontë writes quite clearly, so I would give it a 3/5 for the unfamiliar.

Why You Should Read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

Like I said, it’s ahead of its time. Helen, the heroine of the tale, initially stays with her abusive husband, Huntingdon, because she believes he carries some good inside of him and surely he will come to his senses. Once it becomes clear that he is much more debauched than she could have realized and saving his soul is far beyond her abilities, she forms a plan of escape. And succeeds. When she returns to his house she does so on her terms, and only her terms. Anne Brontë doesn’t simply disagree with the role of women in Victorian society, she thoroughly thumbs her nose at them.

Class boundaries, even thoughts on traditional marriage roles, take a back seat in this story. Anne, though she is not nearly the romantic her sisters were, believes in the power of love, and you can see it at work in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. However, a realism underscores her notions of love. Love for her son ultimately pushes Helen to leave Huntingdon. Love allows her to have a happy ending despite her dark history. But love is also what gets her stuck in Huntingdon’s clutches in the first place. Yet in the end love leads her to a happy ending, though this time it is a much more mature form.

Still, Helen’s relationship with Gilbert is revolutionary as far as Victorian society goes. Initially, Gilbert’s mother is horrified that he has obviously fallen for an older woman with a dubious past who supports herself with art. Only in the final pages do we see that Helen is the mistress of not one but two incredibly large and opulent estates. She’s very much the elite of society and Gilbert is merely an educated farmer.

Regardless, a meeting of minds and a moral kinship forge a friendship between them that blooms into a romantic relationship Helen does her best to ignore and destroy. Thankfully, she doesn’t succeed. And despite his surprise at the end, Gilbert doesn’t do anything stupid to sabotage it either.

Stories of betrayal will never grow old, though I find it very amusing that this story is described as one of betrayal. If Helen leaving her husband to set up house with the governess he hired to “tutor his son” is betrayal, I’m never going to stop rolling my eyes. I know it was a big deal then for women to stand up for themselves and decide they weren’t actually designed to be the emotional punching bags for their husbands, but come on. I know they were their husband’s property, but come on.

We need a new descriptor for this book. Unless we’re talking about Huntingdon’s continual betrayals of Helen. That I can get on board with.

There’s a comment in this biography of Anne’s that caught my eye: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall “is considered to be one of the first sustained feminist novels…and was an instant, phenomenal success; within six weeks it was sold out.” One, shame on Charlotte for trying to stifle this tale when people obviously needed to read it. Two, I wrote “manifesto of women’s rights” before I read that sentence and I’m glad to see my thoughts were corroborated.

Anne might have been ahead of her time with this story, but this was published well after Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792); John Stuart Mill’s The Subjection of Women (1869) was on its way to being created. I won’t get into every feminist text of the time, but women’s suffrage was a legitimate topic and women’s rights and roles in society were hotly debated.

So it is not surprising that this is a feminist book. An excellent one at that. I love a heroine with agency who not only fights for it but exercises it. Besides that, it’s an extraordinary concept in a Victorian piece for a woman to be her own provider. Helen works to support her and her son when they leave. Not only that, Helen’s agency is consistent throughout the narrative.

Helen chooses to marry Huntingdon, despite her aunt’s strong wishes against it. The fact that her aunt is right about him is neither here nor there, all young people are entitled to their folly. Helen consistently sticks up for herself to Huntingdon and his cronies. Helen chooses to leave him. She also makes the decision to go back. She also sets the tone for her relationship with Gilbert and is the one to affirm that relationship in the end. She always controls her own destiny.

The imagery within the novel is used strongly but subtly. The descriptors of Wildfell Hall reinforce the town’s beliefs about Helen and subvert reader expectations because a tradition in Victorian pieces, inherited from the Romantics, is that beauty equals good and ugly equals bad. Plus, the descriptions early on of Grassdale are dark and foreboding from Helen’s point of view. When Gilbert comes upon the grounds it was like he was describing Camelot. His reaction to Staningly was similar. Even I didn’t realize how well off Helen was, but both estates were initially described in her journals, and the wealth they obviously reflect didn’t mean that much to her.

Finally, one of the most romantic scenes and speeches in literature can be found in these pages. I don’t want to spoil it but I also really want to share it, so I’m giving absolutely no context and no page number:

“This rose is not so fragrant as a summer flower, but it has stood through hardships none of them could bear: the cold rain of winter has sufficed to nourish it, and its faint sun to warm it; the bleak winds have not blighted it. Look…it is still fresh and blooming as a flower can be, with cold snow even now on petals. –Will you have it?”

What I Had Trouble With

I truly struggled to get through the parts where Helen’s marriage was crumbling and her husband started showing his true colours. His incessant need for her attention drove me nuts, his belittling of her infuriated me, and her nursing him made me scowl. Truth be told, every scene with Arthur Huntingdon in it infuriated me because I recognized him for what he was from the get-go. I’m much more jaded than our heroine –she’s also a much better and more patient person than me.

There were nights where it took me hours to calm down after putting the book down. He riled me that much. Knowing that the majority of Victorian women, even present day women, have no legitimate way out of abusive relationships is enraging. No woman should have to be afraid of a man. Every woman should be able to pick her future and be allowed to walk away from her mistakes.

read on the wall by Mario Mancuso via Flickr

I’ve never been so glad to have a happy ending in a novel.

Final Thoughts

Unfortunately, this is still a timely novel. As women’s rights continue to be stomped on into 2017, it’s important to resurrect these old novels and realize our current rights were hard one and the importance of sustaining the fight.

Plus, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is just a damn good book.

 

*Information under The Author and The Book are an amalgamation of textual and biographical information found in my version of the Tenant of Wildfell Hall, published by Oxford World Classics (Oxford University Press, 2008) and this page on Goodreads about Anne Brontë.

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Passion for Writing

When I was in junior high (middle school to some of you), writing became my ultimate form of entertainment. I didn’t watch much TV and the internet wasn’t nearly as addictive as it is now (besides, I was SLOW on bleepy dial-up).

I used my mom’s old work laptop to boot up Microsoft Word and just wrote. I didn’t care about clichés. Or varying my sentences structure. Or grammar (mercifully it was something I was innately okay at so it wasn’t atrocious). I didn’t worry about keeping my chapters the same length. Mary Sues as characters didn’t matter to me.

I just wanted the story in my head to come out onto the page. I wanted to share it with my best friend. Every day, I would edit what I wrote the night before, and then draft the next portion on the lineless computer paper. Every evening, I curled up with the computer and put in my edits, typed that I scribbled between/during classes that day, and then just kept going, pantser style.

Addicted to writing, I loved the process, the work, and that big stack of papers as the end result. My life consisted solely of having a passion for writing.

I even submitted this first novel atrocity of 88,000 words to a publisher and garnered my first form rejection letter in grade 10.

Once I got to that point, I started to learn more about writing, craft, and marketing. And, from that point onward, my output fell. And fell. Just…fell. I started the horrible habit of comparing myself to others. I started to categorize pre-publication writing as being a failure–seriously bad mental move, but when one suffers from depression in teenage years, you’re kind of just lucky to make it out alive.

From that point on, I’ve had a horrific time drafting anything. Drafting is hard, tooth-pulling work. I look over my drafts after and I’m impressed when I feel some sort of resonance since the whole time I was writing, I felt like crap. I believe I have only finished two novels since that, and they are both drawer-worthy.

Since becoming a mom, I’ve learned a lot. You’ve seen, I’ve been writing some of those things down. Forgiveness is one of the main ones where I hit a point that I need to go easier on myself. And I need to reclaim my youthful passions with the inhibitions and non-restrictions I had before then.

No novel or story I write will ever be perfect. But I can do my best to imbue it with a passion and vibrancy. And I can forgive myself long enough to finish the damned thing.

So I’m trying to take a step back and remember the passion and heedlessness I had when writing initially. Lowering the bar for my initial drafts, I think back to when I could scribble up a tale without worrying about three act structure and commercial viability. I can revise a base when I have elements I love in it. I can’t revise nothing but a know of anxiety and a blank page.

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