Michelle Fegatofi's Blog, page 12

50% Off Book Promotion on Amazon Kindle

ANNOUNCING A WEEK LONG 50% OFF BOOK PROMOTION ON AMAZON KINDLE!

Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within by Michelle Fegatofi
(a BDSM Educational Book)

Amazon.com February 23 – March 1  $4.99...



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50% Off Book Promotion on Amazon Kindle

ANNOUNCING A WEEK LONG 50% OFF BOOK PROMOTION ON AMAZON KINDLE!

Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within by Michelle Fegatofi

Amazon.com February 23 – March 1  $4.99 (regular price $9.99) That’s a savings of 51%!

http://www.amazon.com/Unveiled-Secret...



Amazon.co.uk February 24 – March 2  £2.99 (regular price £6.43) That’s a savings of 53%!

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Take advantage of this special pricing while it lasts!

Please leave a review once you have read it to let others know what your thought of the book!

Dealing With Self Doubt as a Submissive

Doubting oneself is natural. We all have those days where we question everything. Am I smart enough? Am I too fat? Do my clothes look ok? Am I pretty? Do people like me? As a BDSM submissive, other questions on top of these can come in to play as well. Did I please my Dominant? Am I submissive enough? Am I worthy of being his? Is my body good enough?

 
While self doubt is natural and all humans do this sometimes, continuously doubting yourself and your abilities can be self destructive to yourself and to your relationship. Dominants want submissives that are proud of themselves and their positions. They don't want someone that is constantly doubting their abilities or their looks. If you are constantly thinking and worrying about these things, when do you have time to think about the wants and needs of your Dominant?


Constant or consistent self doubting will keep you timid and in a bad or depressed state. Your state of mind can affect the people around you, such as your Dominant, so you will most likely put him in a bad mood as well. Now when you see you made your Dominant unhappy, as a submissive, you will get even deeper into a depressive state because you will not have done what all submissives want to do: make your Dominant happy. Are you beginning to see the pattern?


Now I've helped you recognize a pattern, how can you break the cycle? There are many techniques and avenues that you can employ to become, or get back on track, to a more confident you. First, you have to believe in yourself. You have to. There are no shortcuts and no going around this. The first step, as with most everything in life, starts with you. I'm not going to say it is easy or that it won't be a bumpy road. But, once you learn to have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you will see the world open up for you.


What techniques can you use to start gaining confidence in your abilities? While you will find many different ways and advice on gaining confidence around the internet, here's a few simple tips to get you started:
Make a list of 10 things you do well. (cooking, cleaning, reading, languages, sewing, sex, etc...)Make copies of that list and put them in places you will have no choice but to read them at different times through out the day. Don't just read them. Believe them. Start an "I am Good" journal. Every night before you go to bed, write down at least one thing you did that day that made you proud. If you're having an extra bad day, write you are good because you woke up and got out of bed. Writing down things helps keep a record of our lives and progress and will help you to see your strengths.Believe the people closest to you when they tell you things. (Ex. When your Dominant praises you for tasks well done. They usually don't say things they don't mean.)Always continue to grow. Even in BDSM, there is always something more to learn. As a submissive, you should find and read different websites, books, etc. to grow your knowledge. There are an endless amount of diverse ways to practice D/s. What different kinds of techniques can you use to help yourself improve your body image? I have written a couple of other posts on this topic, but here's a recap:Look in yourself in a mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful!Dress in clothes that accentuate your body, not shapeless sacks that are meant to hide everything! Flaunt your curves!Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel.  Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.Avoid fashion magazines that endorse emaciated women as the norm or average.Throw the scale away!!!!!!!
 Hopefully with the above tips, you will start building a new and improved you, one without self doubt! Remember that we only get this go around in life, so decide if you want to live happily and the best life you can as a confident person, or one that is missing out on the simple beauty of being alive because you are eaten up by so much self doubt.

 It's your choice. It's your life. Don't waste it.   

Allow This Slave...

ALLOW THIS SLAVE...
by Michelle Fegatofi

the Patience to serve His every need
the Grace to make Him proud

the Strength to submit myself completely
the Wisdom to learn from His guidance

the...



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Allow This Slave...

A Master Decrees. A slave obeys.

A Master decrees and a slave obeys. We have all heard this saying in the BDSM community. It is one of the foundations of our lifestyle. But what exactly does it mean? What does it entail?

The perception among many newcomers to the Lifestyle, along with vanilla people, is that submissives/slaves are mindless people that have to do whatever the Dominant/Master says. They do not know or understand that only after mutual trust, respect, and limits are in place and understood, can that type of relationship begin to truly form.


In stricter M/s relationships, after a contract is signed, which normally includes limits and safe words, will a person become a slave and be trained to immediately obey whatever the Master says. In this type of environment or relationship, the slave is expected to obey every task/order without hesitating or questioning the motives behind the order. To clarify, questions are allowed in all BDSM relationships, but once the trust is built, this type of connection is much less tolerant of continuous questions. This kind of BDSM relationship is normally based in a training environment. The slave usually has little or no personal time at all. Their sole purpose is to learn how to serve a Dominant in body, mind and spirit.


In M/s relationships based on feelings, some of the above things still hold true. A slave will still be trained to please the Master and expected to obey without hesitating in most instances. If the slave does ask a question, she most likely won't punished. The Master will be less strict in some areas such as giving the slave personal time and allowing the slave more times to talk in an informal setting with him\her instead of being strictly based on high protocol all of the time. They still have rules in place that are expected to be followed as well as punishments when needed.


In still yet another type of M\s relationship, the Master is known as a Daddy Dom. This type of connection is normally a very informal and loose type of relationship. While they still have rules they want followed, they are far less rules and punishments are rarely given out unless something very wrong was done. The Dominants are usually love spoiling their slaves and the slaves are deeply devoted to making their Daddy Dom as happy as they can.

So, as you can see, the saying "A Master decrees. A slave obeys" is correct but there are many diverse ways it can be practiced and interpreted. If you are just starting to explore the Lifestyle, don't get locked into one way of thinking. Keep an open mind and remember that all relationships are different and they will change over time.

Body Image, The Media, Health and More

During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.

Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.


I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.


I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.


Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.


Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.


I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.


The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.


Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.


Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.


If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.


So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.

2014 BDSM New Year's Resolutions

I imagine that many of you have made New Year's resolutions about time, family and losing weight. But, what about your BDSM life? Are you where you want to be? Do you want to grow more? Do you have a partner already or are you looking for one? How much have you learned over this past year?


Here is a list of things I think should be worked on continuously, throughout the year. If you are new or just starting out, it would be a great idea to review them yourself and with your partner so you can use them as a guide and add your own items and ideas that fit your lifestyle.



Renew your commitment to keeping up your knowledge and skills in your chosen practice of BDSM. Renew your commitment to your Dominant or submissive.Meditate daily to help keep yourself focused.Renew your commitment to keep an open mind.Find new paths to explore. 
 Make a list of books and websites that continuously update their information with fresh articles.Look at the existing rules to see if any additions or changes need to be made.Reevaluate your relationship with your Dom/sub to ensure that both of you are getting what you need and expected out of the relationship.Take the values, rules, and lifestyle of BDSM and shape them to your own needs/likes/wants. Remember there is no fast and steady rule of right and wrong as long as everyone is happy in the relationship. If you believe there is, then you really need to re-evaluate your decision to practice BDSM.
  
My Padrone and I both wish all of you health, peace, happiness and love for this year and remember my email is always open if you ever have a question or comment.

Best Wishes and Happy New Year!

Marco and Michelle Fegatofi
 

Submission and Internal Conflicts

What do we do when we know we are submissive, yet we sometimes feel rebellious inside? From one side, you think to yourself that this feeling isn't normal. As a submissive, you should feel happy to serve and perform any task or command your Dominant gives you. Right? Wrong.

First, you have to realize that even if you identify yourself as a slave, you are still a human being first. You still have the feelings, morals, likes and dislikes you had before you agreed to submit to someone. Just because you agreed to submit does not mean you became a mindless puppet of that Dominant. Most Dominants want a person with a mind of their own that chooses to submit to them of their own free will. They don't want a doormat. When you choose to submit, hopefully you did so with the knowledge of what would be expected of you. If you are brand new, your potential Dominant should set down with you and explain what he is looking for and made sure that both of your outlooks, wants and needs would be met if you decided to pursue a BDSM relationship.


Second, it's completely normal to feel reluctant sometimes to perform tasks you know are required of you. One day you might wake up in a bad mood and are grumpy all day. The key to those kind of days is to focus on how happy it makes you feel to make your Dominant proud and to see his smile. There will be things you dread doing, like certain types of house work or running daily errands. But, as a submissive/slave, it's your duty to make sure those things are done. Now realize, I'm talking about performing routine tasks while you are in good health. Not performing or completing tasks when you are not well, is something different. Your Dominant should be lenient and understanding if you are too sick or have some real reason for not performing as you normally do. But remember, don't claim sickness just because you want to be lazy. That would be very deceitful and Dominants don't want lazy slaves.


What do you do if there is a task that you regularly perform and do not like or have good reasons to be uncomfortable with? Ask your dominant for time to sit down with him and to speak freely. Make sure you have good reasons and have formulated a credible argument for changing or not continuing that task. You must remain respectful and don't get defensive or whiney while speaking to him. If you come across as whiney or just being a brat, your Dominant most likely will not make any changes.


If you work outside the home and have trouble switching back to a submissive mentality when you get back home, there are steps you can try to help make that transition. If you drive or travel alone, tame that time to recite a mantra, play relaxing music or develop a routine to help make the transition from working woman to submissive. Another way is to take 15 minutes out for yourself as soon as you get home. Don't greet or speak with anyone. Go directly to your room, change clothes, put on your collar, and meditate. This will help you relax from a hard day's work while putting you in a submissive mood.


Now it's time to move in a different direction. What does it mean if you constantly feel unrest and reluctance to perform even the most basic of your normal submissive tasks? The first thing you should ask yourself is if you really have the desire and need to be a submissive. The second question to ask yourself is if you trust your dominant and want to continue to submit to him? If you answer yes to both of these questions, then you have to do some very deep soul searching and ask what is making you reluctant to submit to him? What's changed?


If you answered No to either question, you should talk to your dominant about scaling back the D/s part of your relationship until you, or both of you, can figure out if a D/s relationship is right for you and if it's wise to continue down that path.


So remember, feeling rebellious or reluctant sometimes, while in a submissive mood, is normal. But if you feel that way often, I urge you to reevaluate your situation and submission.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or ideas that you think might help others, please leave them below!

A Year in Reflection - BDSM Blogger Style

This past year of blogging has brought many changes to not only my own self, but to our online community as well.

Through contact with literally thousands of people, I have guided, counseled, laughed, cried and helped in many different situations. I have seen some good changes, some bad changes, and a huge movement around the world by moralistic people to get our community confined to sites that either specialize in BDSM or porn.


The Readers

I think I have some of the most supportive readers out there. I have had many chats, discussions, and even debates about different views and ways to practice the Lifestyle. I have learned new techniques, new buzz words in the community, broadened my own view on some of the harsher sides of BDSM that I rarely talk about or practice, and many other things too numerous to get into further.


My fan base has become a mixture of men and women from all walks of life that have many different levels of experience. I love the new people that trust in my writings enough to email me a private question they are to scared to ask out in the open.

Some of the best feelings that I have gotten are from the wonderful feedback and updates from you guys after I have helped or advised you on a problem. I have had some that are so touching and grateful for my help that I literally could not hold back the tears of happiness.

The Separatists

This past year, I have seen some really bad changes within our online communities. It seems that there are groups of people that think it's better to divide the community into what they think of as the "true pages" and the "fakes". I have seen this on many different social sites, but FB is the worst. These types of groups are hunting down pages that either refuse to join in their separatist philosophy or that they just do not like.


I myself have been a victim of these groups and have refused to get involved and even acknowledge their existence for the most part as it just adds fuel to their fire, so to speak. They have tried many different attack approaches such as spreading rumors about me that are untrue and telling all of their new readers that I am a fake. If being in and around the lifestyle for over 21 years, being trained as a Gorean kajira for two years, and living in a 24/7 M/s relationship since August of 2011 makes me a fake, well I guess I need to revamp my kinkionary.

I have always said and will continue to say that we are better off together than separate, especially now that the moralists are after the large online companies to extremely restrict our activities and presence on the internet.

I hope that one day these separatist cliques will decide to rejoin the mainstream BDSM community so that we can show the world that we are united.

The Moralistic Movement

In May of this year, an online Twitter movement was started by right wing activists to get adult content removed from most social media sites like Facebook and Google. They first only said they wanted derogatory and rape images removed and banned from being posted on the sites. But soon, they moved into pictures that are a normal site to those of us that practice a BDSM lifestyle such as a woman getting spanked or in bondage.


In late May, the first wave of page removals started hitting FB. Along with many that were hit in that first round, one of my original pages was taken down. Since then, FB, Yahoo, Google, Twitter, Pinterest and many others have bowed to the pressure these moralistic people have put on them and changed their policies. They are getting so ridiculous in their pursuit that people's accounts are being shut down because someone reported them and stated that they were offended or didn't like something that the person said or posted.


While I agree that images portraying abused women and children should be very much policed and not allowed to be shown, I think there needs to be exceptions for women portrayed in bondage and other BDSM settings since these activities are consensual within our community.

In the Future

I have hope that we will unite together as a community and try to make our presence in the online communities more concrete. There will always be those that condemn us for our beliefs and practice, but at least we can try to present the real and beautiful picture that makes up our lifestyle.


I also hope that those groups that are dividing the online community will stop attacking others that do not subscribe to their way of thinking, being, or doing and try to either mend fences or just let everything coexist in harmony. It's sad when someone that supposedly practices an alternative lifestyle that teaches tolerance can be so intolerant.

Lastly, I hope to continue to bring all of you great info, a different perspective, and hopefully more knowledge about various subjects that is BDSM.