Michelle Fegatofi's Blog, page 20
May 1, 2013
The Gorean Lifestyle
Many of you have read about the Gorean Lifestyle while researching BDSM or reading my blog. I didn't realize that I had not done a more in depth post about it to explain what it is. I hope this helps you understand it more.
In 1967 John Norman (real name John Frederick Lange Jr.) released a book called Tarnsman of Gor, a book detailing life on Gor and its inhabitants. This turned into a series with 26 books in print today, called Chronicles of Gor. His books are carefully detailed that explain everything from Gorean food to Gorean rituals, and focus on adventures in Gor and the natural role of genders. Gorean philosophy believes that men have a natural drive to dominate women; women have a strong desire to submit to men and give up their rights. Women are either free or enslaved, but free women can be enslaved at any time.
The majority of Goreans who pursue a "lifestyle" approach often do not consider what they do to be BDSM. However, they are generally considered part of the "kinky" subculture. In that context, they reject the idea of isolated "scenes". Instead, their practices may be described as 24/7, dominance & submission, and/or Total Power Exchange relationships. BDSM concepts of servitude and slavery typically play a key role in Gorean dynamics.
Gor is comparatively more intense than other lifestyles, because Gor does not depend on scening. People who follow Gor do not consider it to be a role-play, or a scene, but in fact say that they are leading the lifestyle - which cannot be denied because there are after all twenty seven books that outline the life and times of the Gorean region.
There are Gorean role players, both online and in real life, who play a "role" of a Gorean, usually having to do with masters and slaves. What makes someone a role player is that this isn't really how they live their real life, and they differentiate between Gor and reality. They often refer to "Gor" or being "in Gor" as opposed to being in reality. It is like a part time thing or a hobby for these individuals.
There are many Goreans out there that don't just role-play the Gorean lifestyle, many of them not being role-players at all. In fact, they live the Gorean life on a 24/7 basis. They too call themselves Goreans and they too subscribe to the principles described in the books written by John Norman.
Most Goreans live a counter version of the BDSM Master/slave lifestyle that is filled with rules and protocols defined in the books of Gor. The books give them a rule set so to speak to define their lifestyle dynamic. A dynamic that any Gorean you talk to is likely to say, they'd practice it no other way.
Most of these households, groups and "camps" seem to focus mainly on the "Warrior" and Master/slave aspects of the books, and many have gone far beyond the bounds of legality or what most of us see as sanity or reason in terms of that they deem acceptable in their actions and dealings with others.
Philosophy of Gorean SlaveryGoreans believe that women have a natural desire to be slaves. Every woman has this desire.Women have a huge desire to please men. They strive for perfection. They want to be submissive. Women want to be controlled by men. A man's word is final.Gor strictly believes in the 'natural order'. There aren't any exceptions to this rule. Men always dominate, women always submit.All women 'beg the collar' (desire a master). Women slaves are collared once owned and beg to
be owned, according to Gorean philosophy.Masters consider their slaves property. They are to keep their property in top condition. If slaves don't meet their standards, they are disciplined. This involves punishment, including imprisonment and whippings.Although Gorean philosophy says that all women have rights, free women can be enslaved at any time. Types of Gorean Slaves White Silk Slaves: A woman slave who hasn't lost her virginity. This is indicated by tying a white ribbon to her collar.
Red Silk Slaves: A woman slave that has had sex. This is indicated by tying a red ribbon to her collar.
Slaves are separated into these categories:
Pleasure Slave: A slave trained in the arts of pleasure, including slave dance, slave positions (note: these are not sexual positions, but positions used in their culture), cooking, being pleasant, and sexual services. Passion Slave: A slave trained and used for sexual services only. Feast Slaves: A slave that serves food along with other personal services decide by their master. Serving Slaves: A slave usually owned by a woman master. They prepare warm baths, help remove clothing, comb hair, and complete most domestic chores. House Girls: Same as Serving Slaves, but they only complete domestic chores. They are owned
by Masters.
This does not include all categories. Gorean slaves typically wear a tunic and a collar. Followers of Gor believe Gorean slaves have rights of being a woman. They want to perform, act, and be a woman. Being a woman, according to Gorean philosophy, is pleasing a man in various ways.
Rights of a Gorean SlaveOnce you are a Gorean slave, you lose all human rights. Anything you did before enslavement is erased from your past. You are not to talk about it, since your identity is kajira, a slave.Slaves aren't seen as people. They are, according to Gorean followers, human animals.Masters make decisions for them. They lose rights to their name. Their master chooses their name, although slaves are not allowed to refer to themselves by name.Their master can discipline or destroy their property at any time. Gorean law fully supports this.A kajira's only goal in life is to bring pleasure and comfort to their master.There are different types of women slaves. Some slaves purely serve as sexual objects, while others are masterful at cooking.Slaves do not question anything. They do as they are told. Refusal to do anything results in discipline.Slaves must strive for perfection.Not only must slaves do their work well, but it must be done in a feminine, graceful way that expresses their sexuality.Gorean women retain the right to refuse slavery. If a master wants to enslave a woman and she refuses, however, she may be killed.As you can see, there are many differences in being a Gorean kajira and a BDSM submissive/slave. Which and how you choose to practice either Lifestyle is up to you.
In 1967 John Norman (real name John Frederick Lange Jr.) released a book called Tarnsman of Gor, a book detailing life on Gor and its inhabitants. This turned into a series with 26 books in print today, called Chronicles of Gor. His books are carefully detailed that explain everything from Gorean food to Gorean rituals, and focus on adventures in Gor and the natural role of genders. Gorean philosophy believes that men have a natural drive to dominate women; women have a strong desire to submit to men and give up their rights. Women are either free or enslaved, but free women can be enslaved at any time.
The majority of Goreans who pursue a "lifestyle" approach often do not consider what they do to be BDSM. However, they are generally considered part of the "kinky" subculture. In that context, they reject the idea of isolated "scenes". Instead, their practices may be described as 24/7, dominance & submission, and/or Total Power Exchange relationships. BDSM concepts of servitude and slavery typically play a key role in Gorean dynamics.
Gor is comparatively more intense than other lifestyles, because Gor does not depend on scening. People who follow Gor do not consider it to be a role-play, or a scene, but in fact say that they are leading the lifestyle - which cannot be denied because there are after all twenty seven books that outline the life and times of the Gorean region.
There are Gorean role players, both online and in real life, who play a "role" of a Gorean, usually having to do with masters and slaves. What makes someone a role player is that this isn't really how they live their real life, and they differentiate between Gor and reality. They often refer to "Gor" or being "in Gor" as opposed to being in reality. It is like a part time thing or a hobby for these individuals.
There are many Goreans out there that don't just role-play the Gorean lifestyle, many of them not being role-players at all. In fact, they live the Gorean life on a 24/7 basis. They too call themselves Goreans and they too subscribe to the principles described in the books written by John Norman.
Most Goreans live a counter version of the BDSM Master/slave lifestyle that is filled with rules and protocols defined in the books of Gor. The books give them a rule set so to speak to define their lifestyle dynamic. A dynamic that any Gorean you talk to is likely to say, they'd practice it no other way.
Most of these households, groups and "camps" seem to focus mainly on the "Warrior" and Master/slave aspects of the books, and many have gone far beyond the bounds of legality or what most of us see as sanity or reason in terms of that they deem acceptable in their actions and dealings with others.
Philosophy of Gorean SlaveryGoreans believe that women have a natural desire to be slaves. Every woman has this desire.Women have a huge desire to please men. They strive for perfection. They want to be submissive. Women want to be controlled by men. A man's word is final.Gor strictly believes in the 'natural order'. There aren't any exceptions to this rule. Men always dominate, women always submit.All women 'beg the collar' (desire a master). Women slaves are collared once owned and beg to
be owned, according to Gorean philosophy.Masters consider their slaves property. They are to keep their property in top condition. If slaves don't meet their standards, they are disciplined. This involves punishment, including imprisonment and whippings.Although Gorean philosophy says that all women have rights, free women can be enslaved at any time. Types of Gorean Slaves White Silk Slaves: A woman slave who hasn't lost her virginity. This is indicated by tying a white ribbon to her collar.
Red Silk Slaves: A woman slave that has had sex. This is indicated by tying a red ribbon to her collar.
Slaves are separated into these categories:Pleasure Slave: A slave trained in the arts of pleasure, including slave dance, slave positions (note: these are not sexual positions, but positions used in their culture), cooking, being pleasant, and sexual services. Passion Slave: A slave trained and used for sexual services only. Feast Slaves: A slave that serves food along with other personal services decide by their master. Serving Slaves: A slave usually owned by a woman master. They prepare warm baths, help remove clothing, comb hair, and complete most domestic chores. House Girls: Same as Serving Slaves, but they only complete domestic chores. They are owned
by Masters.
This does not include all categories. Gorean slaves typically wear a tunic and a collar. Followers of Gor believe Gorean slaves have rights of being a woman. They want to perform, act, and be a woman. Being a woman, according to Gorean philosophy, is pleasing a man in various ways.
Rights of a Gorean SlaveOnce you are a Gorean slave, you lose all human rights. Anything you did before enslavement is erased from your past. You are not to talk about it, since your identity is kajira, a slave.Slaves aren't seen as people. They are, according to Gorean followers, human animals.Masters make decisions for them. They lose rights to their name. Their master chooses their name, although slaves are not allowed to refer to themselves by name.Their master can discipline or destroy their property at any time. Gorean law fully supports this.A kajira's only goal in life is to bring pleasure and comfort to their master.There are different types of women slaves. Some slaves purely serve as sexual objects, while others are masterful at cooking.Slaves do not question anything. They do as they are told. Refusal to do anything results in discipline.Slaves must strive for perfection.Not only must slaves do their work well, but it must be done in a feminine, graceful way that expresses their sexuality.Gorean women retain the right to refuse slavery. If a master wants to enslave a woman and she refuses, however, she may be killed.As you can see, there are many differences in being a Gorean kajira and a BDSM submissive/slave. Which and how you choose to practice either Lifestyle is up to you.
April 20, 2013
S&M Toys on a Budget
When browsing BDSM pictures or adult toy shops, some of the costs are very high. Since the downturn in the world economy, many families don't have the extra money to buy floggers, vibrators, fancy paddles, or bondage equipment. Below are a couple of things most people have just around the house or that can be bought for cheap that can be used as improvised play equipment.
Some of the most basic items that you can find for a BDSM toy bag include many things you can find at your local dollar store. Some of the things I recommend are clothes pins, clothes line and/or rope, scarves, rubber bands, bag clips, hair brushes, plastic rods (from mini blinds or shower rods), mixing spoons/spatulas (both wooden and plastic), candles (paraffin is best for beginners but regular candles can do in a pinch), hangers (both plastic and wire), pantyhose, paper, and pencils.
Restraints
Hand, wrist, or ankle restraints can easily be done with cords, ribbons, tape measures, belts, soft ropes, pantyhose, ties, bandanas or scarves. You can use them to tie hands or feet together or use one end to tie a hand or foot to the corner of a bed. Always make sure that there is no tingling in fingers or toes and that the one restrained is comfortable. You do not want to cut off circulation with a too tight knot. Keep a very sharp pair of scissors handy in case you have to do a emergency cut!
Gags and Blindfolds
Ties and scarves can be used to blindfold or gag a submissive. They should be of a soft material so that they don't chafe. if you are more improvised ball gags, you can buy a small or medium plastic ball from the dollar store, drill a hole thru it and attach a scarf or rope to secure it around the submissives head.
ClampsWe have all seen the beautiful and in some cases, very creative nipple clamps that are available on the market today. But, if you are in a pinch, or don't have or want to spend the money, you can improvise and make your own.Clothes pins are great for nipple and clit clamps/torture. Chip clips can be used for nipples but are great to clamp the entire vagina lips together. Just like regular clamps, be careful with the amout of time you leave them attached. The longer you leave them, the more it will hurt when they are taken off.
PaddlesNow, there are a veritable unlimited number of items you can use that you have already, or can buy for cheap, to deliver that spanking. Here is what I can think of that just the average household would have: wooden or plastic spoons or spatulas, belts, flip flops, thin to medium sized tree branches, acrylic or thin wooden cutting boards with handles, and hair brushes.
Flogger
A Rubber Band Flogger is an easy project that can be done fairly quickly. It's a great toy for light flogging or for flogging sensitive areas, like genitals or nipples. All you need are some rubber bands, a needle and thread, an unsharpened pencil or dowel rod, and some tape (I like duct tape or electrician's tape). Tip: If you want a flogger to throw with more force, use a longer dowel rod. Cut the rubber bands in half, match up the ends, and run the needle and thread through. Once you have a chain of rubber bands long enough to wrap around the end of your pencil or dowel rod, tie them on with the ends of the thread. To make this secure, wrap the end of your pencil or dowel rod with tape, and voila -- happy flogging.
An Inner-tube Flogger is a slightly more advanced project for more serious back and ass flogging. Get yourself a bike tire inner tube (unused, preferably) and a suitable length of PVC pipe for
the handle. You can dress this flogger up however you want once you make it. Slide the inner tube through the PVC pipe to about halfway and then fold the inner tube back over the outside of the PVC pipe. Carefully cut the hanging end of the inner tube with a sharp knife or scissors into strips of about 1/2" to 1" wide. This part is optional, if you want to hang your flogger on the wall. Get your drill and carefully drill two holes at the hand-end of the PVC pipe. Insert your grommets or your D-ring.
Most people believe that in order to “do BDSM correctly” that they need to focus on having the latest and greatest implements and instrumentation. BDSM is more about creativity and freedom from doing and being the expected. Never be afraid to let your imagination run wild. Hallmark sign of a serious player: they can find a way to use anything in a room in a kinky way.
Some of the most basic items that you can find for a BDSM toy bag include many things you can find at your local dollar store. Some of the things I recommend are clothes pins, clothes line and/or rope, scarves, rubber bands, bag clips, hair brushes, plastic rods (from mini blinds or shower rods), mixing spoons/spatulas (both wooden and plastic), candles (paraffin is best for beginners but regular candles can do in a pinch), hangers (both plastic and wire), pantyhose, paper, and pencils.
RestraintsHand, wrist, or ankle restraints can easily be done with cords, ribbons, tape measures, belts, soft ropes, pantyhose, ties, bandanas or scarves. You can use them to tie hands or feet together or use one end to tie a hand or foot to the corner of a bed. Always make sure that there is no tingling in fingers or toes and that the one restrained is comfortable. You do not want to cut off circulation with a too tight knot. Keep a very sharp pair of scissors handy in case you have to do a emergency cut!
Gags and Blindfolds
Ties and scarves can be used to blindfold or gag a submissive. They should be of a soft material so that they don't chafe. if you are more improvised ball gags, you can buy a small or medium plastic ball from the dollar store, drill a hole thru it and attach a scarf or rope to secure it around the submissives head.
ClampsWe have all seen the beautiful and in some cases, very creative nipple clamps that are available on the market today. But, if you are in a pinch, or don't have or want to spend the money, you can improvise and make your own.Clothes pins are great for nipple and clit clamps/torture. Chip clips can be used for nipples but are great to clamp the entire vagina lips together. Just like regular clamps, be careful with the amout of time you leave them attached. The longer you leave them, the more it will hurt when they are taken off.
PaddlesNow, there are a veritable unlimited number of items you can use that you have already, or can buy for cheap, to deliver that spanking. Here is what I can think of that just the average household would have: wooden or plastic spoons or spatulas, belts, flip flops, thin to medium sized tree branches, acrylic or thin wooden cutting boards with handles, and hair brushes.
Flogger
A Rubber Band Flogger is an easy project that can be done fairly quickly. It's a great toy for light flogging or for flogging sensitive areas, like genitals or nipples. All you need are some rubber bands, a needle and thread, an unsharpened pencil or dowel rod, and some tape (I like duct tape or electrician's tape). Tip: If you want a flogger to throw with more force, use a longer dowel rod. Cut the rubber bands in half, match up the ends, and run the needle and thread through. Once you have a chain of rubber bands long enough to wrap around the end of your pencil or dowel rod, tie them on with the ends of the thread. To make this secure, wrap the end of your pencil or dowel rod with tape, and voila -- happy flogging.
An Inner-tube Flogger is a slightly more advanced project for more serious back and ass flogging. Get yourself a bike tire inner tube (unused, preferably) and a suitable length of PVC pipe forthe handle. You can dress this flogger up however you want once you make it. Slide the inner tube through the PVC pipe to about halfway and then fold the inner tube back over the outside of the PVC pipe. Carefully cut the hanging end of the inner tube with a sharp knife or scissors into strips of about 1/2" to 1" wide. This part is optional, if you want to hang your flogger on the wall. Get your drill and carefully drill two holes at the hand-end of the PVC pipe. Insert your grommets or your D-ring.
Most people believe that in order to “do BDSM correctly” that they need to focus on having the latest and greatest implements and instrumentation. BDSM is more about creativity and freedom from doing and being the expected. Never be afraid to let your imagination run wild. Hallmark sign of a serious player: they can find a way to use anything in a room in a kinky way.
April 18, 2013
Part 2 - BDSM and Body Image
After the huge response I received from my readers about BDSM and Body Image, I wanted to expand on that and give you some extra tips you can try to help yourself or your sub gain confidence and a better acceptance of their own bodies.
After 40 years of being female, I've come to the conclusion that a healthy, positive body image is hard to find, and neither caftans nor liposuction nor photo-shopping is the answer. Feeling good in your skin has nothing to do with whether you’re a size 2 or 22; it’s all about having a positive body image.
Having a poor body image means that you view your body in a negative light. You look at yourself and see only the negative. This often occurs when people with low self-esteem only see their physical flaws, most often when they look in the mirror.
If you are into the BDSM scene, most likely you are going to be naked any number of times. The first thing you have to remember is that your Dominant loves how you look. He has taken you as his submissive. He is proud of you and who you are. Take a moment to think about that. Really absorb it.
When using a mirror, look at your body in its entirety. Try not to look at your body as individual parts. Don’t use a magnifying mirror when you look at your face. Look in the mirror and observe your whole body. When you do this, you might like what you see. Be at peace with your self-image by giving the mirror a rest.
Stay off the scale.Daily fluctuations in water weight can tip the scale up to five pounds in either direction, so if you step on the scale every day, you might be tempted to micromanage yourself. If you need to monitor your weight to stay on track or maintain, set aside a weekly or bi-weekly time to step on the scale. And don’t weigh yourself the week before your period, because you’ll most likely put on two to five pounds of water weight then. If you think you can do without the scale altogether, toss it and just go by how your clothes fit and how you feel.
Throw away your ideas of “normal.”Serena Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose BMIs are 32 and 33, respectively) are both considered “obese” according to the accepted healthy range of 18.5-24.9. But neither one is anywhere near fat. Remember that everyone is built differently, with different heights, bone densities, and amounts of muscle (which weighs more than fat) on their bodies. Just because your friend is a size 4 to 6 doesn’t mean that’s the right place for you to be.
Notice that there are all types of bodies in all shapes, sizes and skin tones. What you see in the media is not a representation of the human race. Appreciate the differences you see around you and appreciate your own individual looks.
Heal your body image by taking note of how you talk to yourself about your body and change it if necessary. Instead of, “I’m so fat and ugly, I hate myself,” tell yourself, “I have beautiful eyes and I am a good friend. The package may not be perfect, but it does need to be loved.”
Take sexy pictures that show you in your most positive light. Set up a camera with a self timer or ask a friend or Dominant take pictures of you with your hair and makeup done and in lingerie or skimpy clothing that all help to accentuate your body. Pick a couple of the images and put them on your cell phone or your laptop, anywhere you can access them easily. Look at them at different times during the day to reassure yourself how beautiful you are in your own skin.
I hope these extra tips and insights help all of you no matter your gender or body type love yourself more. We are all beautiful in our own way. Always remember that.
Also remember, the more confident and sexy you as a submissive feel, the more free you will be to serve your Dominant because the huge weight of self consciousnesses won't be hanging around your neck.
After 40 years of being female, I've come to the conclusion that a healthy, positive body image is hard to find, and neither caftans nor liposuction nor photo-shopping is the answer. Feeling good in your skin has nothing to do with whether you’re a size 2 or 22; it’s all about having a positive body image.
Having a poor body image means that you view your body in a negative light. You look at yourself and see only the negative. This often occurs when people with low self-esteem only see their physical flaws, most often when they look in the mirror.
If you are into the BDSM scene, most likely you are going to be naked any number of times. The first thing you have to remember is that your Dominant loves how you look. He has taken you as his submissive. He is proud of you and who you are. Take a moment to think about that. Really absorb it.
When using a mirror, look at your body in its entirety. Try not to look at your body as individual parts. Don’t use a magnifying mirror when you look at your face. Look in the mirror and observe your whole body. When you do this, you might like what you see. Be at peace with your self-image by giving the mirror a rest.
Stay off the scale.Daily fluctuations in water weight can tip the scale up to five pounds in either direction, so if you step on the scale every day, you might be tempted to micromanage yourself. If you need to monitor your weight to stay on track or maintain, set aside a weekly or bi-weekly time to step on the scale. And don’t weigh yourself the week before your period, because you’ll most likely put on two to five pounds of water weight then. If you think you can do without the scale altogether, toss it and just go by how your clothes fit and how you feel.
Throw away your ideas of “normal.”Serena Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose BMIs are 32 and 33, respectively) are both considered “obese” according to the accepted healthy range of 18.5-24.9. But neither one is anywhere near fat. Remember that everyone is built differently, with different heights, bone densities, and amounts of muscle (which weighs more than fat) on their bodies. Just because your friend is a size 4 to 6 doesn’t mean that’s the right place for you to be.
Notice that there are all types of bodies in all shapes, sizes and skin tones. What you see in the media is not a representation of the human race. Appreciate the differences you see around you and appreciate your own individual looks.
Heal your body image by taking note of how you talk to yourself about your body and change it if necessary. Instead of, “I’m so fat and ugly, I hate myself,” tell yourself, “I have beautiful eyes and I am a good friend. The package may not be perfect, but it does need to be loved.”
Take sexy pictures that show you in your most positive light. Set up a camera with a self timer or ask a friend or Dominant take pictures of you with your hair and makeup done and in lingerie or skimpy clothing that all help to accentuate your body. Pick a couple of the images and put them on your cell phone or your laptop, anywhere you can access them easily. Look at them at different times during the day to reassure yourself how beautiful you are in your own skin.
I hope these extra tips and insights help all of you no matter your gender or body type love yourself more. We are all beautiful in our own way. Always remember that.
Also remember, the more confident and sexy you as a submissive feel, the more free you will be to serve your Dominant because the huge weight of self consciousnesses won't be hanging around your neck.
April 15, 2013
Symbolism in BDSM
BDSM is rife with ritual and symbolism. The triskele is probably the most common symbol or “logo” of the BDSM community. The BDSM emblem has no “obvious” symbolism because it was created to be enigmatic. To the vanilla observer who would be put off by BDSM, it is merely an attractive piece of jewelry. Thus, we can wear it freely as a friendly salute, nod, and wink to other BDSMers we should happen to pass on the sidewalks and in the hallways of our daily lives. To the insider, however, the Emblem is full of meaning.
The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.
It is this third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However “together” and “whole” individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone.
The resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol is not accidental. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M.
Since intense BDSM isn't happening 24 hours a day, it may be useful to use symbolism that will work as a reinforcer of the roles even when they aren't being lived out to the full extent. Examples might be the shaving of the submissive's pubic hair - as an indicator of her status towards both her Master but also her status compared to free people in general. Just like a child needs parental guidance, a slave needs guidance from her Master, thus the removal of the pubic hair works as an excellent symbol of a person with less freedom than the average adult person.
Various forms of symbolism are sometimes used to affirm the owner/slave relationship. These include the wearing the owner's collar, being registered in a slave register, adopting (sometimes legally changing to) a name chosen by the owner, or engaging in a public declaration or ritualized ceremony of some type.
Michelle Fegatofi's Slave Registration Number Certificate
The most widely known symbol is a collar. It’s a visible symbol of the commitment between a Dominant and his/her submissive or a Master/Mistress and his/her slave. Collars are available that can be locked around the neck, with the Dominant/Master holding the key, which emphasizes the sense of “ownership.” Other collars are more symbolic and can be worn in public: those who are in the know might recognize one, but the general population might only see such a piece as a pretty necklace, or bracelet, or ring. Whatever form they take, they are visible reminders of the bond between a Dominant and his/her submissive or slave.
My collar with the O ring attached
Same collar without O ring. My collar is worn 24/7.Another symbolism that many couples use are Words or more specifically, names for the submissive given to them by the Dominant and calling the Dominant by a specific title like Sir or Master. I didn't want to call my Master by Master for various reasons, so found out what Owner in Italian is and boom, Padrone was born. I have called my Master by Padrone ever since. He named me and calls me his Baby or Babyslave. I can count the amount of times on one hand I have heard him use my actual name, even when we are in public.
Words and names are very important and can be a constant reminder, just like a collar, that one is a submissive/slave or a Dominant. Be careful of what you choose to call each other in public situations because you might get a few funny looks or raised eyebrows if you chose the wrong one.
There are many other symbols used in the D/s community. These can be from handkerchiefs to signify your tastes and station in life to actions you take that have far greater meaning behind them. It is my hope that I have piqued an interest within you to continue to learn about symbolism and how it can pertain to your relationship. Keep researching and learning for the knowledge will bring greater depth to your relationship. It is said that scenes are only 1% of D/s.
The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.
It is this third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However “together” and “whole” individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone.
The resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol is not accidental. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M.
Since intense BDSM isn't happening 24 hours a day, it may be useful to use symbolism that will work as a reinforcer of the roles even when they aren't being lived out to the full extent. Examples might be the shaving of the submissive's pubic hair - as an indicator of her status towards both her Master but also her status compared to free people in general. Just like a child needs parental guidance, a slave needs guidance from her Master, thus the removal of the pubic hair works as an excellent symbol of a person with less freedom than the average adult person.
Various forms of symbolism are sometimes used to affirm the owner/slave relationship. These include the wearing the owner's collar, being registered in a slave register, adopting (sometimes legally changing to) a name chosen by the owner, or engaging in a public declaration or ritualized ceremony of some type.
Michelle Fegatofi's Slave Registration Number Certificate The most widely known symbol is a collar. It’s a visible symbol of the commitment between a Dominant and his/her submissive or a Master/Mistress and his/her slave. Collars are available that can be locked around the neck, with the Dominant/Master holding the key, which emphasizes the sense of “ownership.” Other collars are more symbolic and can be worn in public: those who are in the know might recognize one, but the general population might only see such a piece as a pretty necklace, or bracelet, or ring. Whatever form they take, they are visible reminders of the bond between a Dominant and his/her submissive or slave.
My collar with the O ring attached
Same collar without O ring. My collar is worn 24/7.Another symbolism that many couples use are Words or more specifically, names for the submissive given to them by the Dominant and calling the Dominant by a specific title like Sir or Master. I didn't want to call my Master by Master for various reasons, so found out what Owner in Italian is and boom, Padrone was born. I have called my Master by Padrone ever since. He named me and calls me his Baby or Babyslave. I can count the amount of times on one hand I have heard him use my actual name, even when we are in public.Words and names are very important and can be a constant reminder, just like a collar, that one is a submissive/slave or a Dominant. Be careful of what you choose to call each other in public situations because you might get a few funny looks or raised eyebrows if you chose the wrong one.
There are many other symbols used in the D/s community. These can be from handkerchiefs to signify your tastes and station in life to actions you take that have far greater meaning behind them. It is my hope that I have piqued an interest within you to continue to learn about symbolism and how it can pertain to your relationship. Keep researching and learning for the knowledge will bring greater depth to your relationship. It is said that scenes are only 1% of D/s.
April 11, 2013
BDSM - Thinking Outside the Box
I have been posting many different types of pictures lately on my FB page and some people do not think they are BDSM related. My thoughts apparently are very different and have a much broader range on what the large umbrella of BDSM can encompass. Let me try to explain what I mean.
At the core of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadomasochism. When I show pictures of kneeling submissives, women or men in bondage, or being disciplined, there are never any doubts that they are BDSM related.
Now, let's think outside that very narrow box to a broader range that BDSM can envelop. See, to me, it's not just about the core principles. I see BDSM encompassing how they thinks, how a person moves, what they wear, how they speak, how they might perceive the world, what they eat, how they act around people and so forth. My goal in showing different kinds of pictures is to hopefully broaden your knowledge, but also expand your mind to think of the endless possibilities.
Slave Clothing
Movement/Dance
Service/Eating
When you see curvy models in sexy poses or in lingerie, I am posting them for two reasons. The first being to help women with the same body types see they are beautiful and to hopefully boost their confidence. A more confident submissive is sexier than a little mouse of one. I also see the lingerie pics as doubling for possible sub/slave uniforms. Many submissives have rules or guidelines that they have to wear certain sexy clothing in certain situations.
When you go to play parties or to dungeons, no matter what part of the world they are in, they normally have strict dress codes for what both the Dominant and submissives have to wear. This can range from leather, lace, latex, or rubber. And in some cases, nothing but a collar and slave cuffs. It all depends on what the club allows.
I have heard arguments that fetishes are separate from the realm of BDSM. Well, in my mind they are not. They are a part of the huge, vast umbrella: a subsection if you will. Here are some examples. Female Dominants usually are pictured wearing some type of leather or latex outfits. It helps not only set the scene, but to also get them in the right frame of mind to perform that scene. If you saw them in sweats, you have to admit that you would totally not be interested or in the mind frame of BDSM play. Therefore, the choice of clothing in this case falls not only into fetish wear (because a lot of people have a fetish to see women dressed as such) but also in the category of BDSM wear because without that type of outfit, the Domme would not look the part of Domme.
Now you may be asking, what do the old pin-up drawings from the 50s & 60s that I post from time to time have to do with BDSM. The answer is mostly nothing. They are just sexy and I like them, along with a lot of other people.
Just because we are dedicated to BDSM education and knowledge does not mean I will not post things from time to time that are not exactly under that umbrella. It usually will be something that is sexy or fall under the fetish category.
So, now I have explained why I post what I post and see most of what I post as BDSM related, I hope I have opened your mind to thinking of BDSM in a broader sense versus just the core principles just as my mind was opened and my thinking is now outside the box.
At the core of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadomasochism. When I show pictures of kneeling submissives, women or men in bondage, or being disciplined, there are never any doubts that they are BDSM related.
Now, let's think outside that very narrow box to a broader range that BDSM can envelop. See, to me, it's not just about the core principles. I see BDSM encompassing how they thinks, how a person moves, what they wear, how they speak, how they might perceive the world, what they eat, how they act around people and so forth. My goal in showing different kinds of pictures is to hopefully broaden your knowledge, but also expand your mind to think of the endless possibilities.
Slave Clothing
Movement/Dance
Service/EatingWhen you see curvy models in sexy poses or in lingerie, I am posting them for two reasons. The first being to help women with the same body types see they are beautiful and to hopefully boost their confidence. A more confident submissive is sexier than a little mouse of one. I also see the lingerie pics as doubling for possible sub/slave uniforms. Many submissives have rules or guidelines that they have to wear certain sexy clothing in certain situations.
When you go to play parties or to dungeons, no matter what part of the world they are in, they normally have strict dress codes for what both the Dominant and submissives have to wear. This can range from leather, lace, latex, or rubber. And in some cases, nothing but a collar and slave cuffs. It all depends on what the club allows.
I have heard arguments that fetishes are separate from the realm of BDSM. Well, in my mind they are not. They are a part of the huge, vast umbrella: a subsection if you will. Here are some examples. Female Dominants usually are pictured wearing some type of leather or latex outfits. It helps not only set the scene, but to also get them in the right frame of mind to perform that scene. If you saw them in sweats, you have to admit that you would totally not be interested or in the mind frame of BDSM play. Therefore, the choice of clothing in this case falls not only into fetish wear (because a lot of people have a fetish to see women dressed as such) but also in the category of BDSM wear because without that type of outfit, the Domme would not look the part of Domme.
Now you may be asking, what do the old pin-up drawings from the 50s & 60s that I post from time to time have to do with BDSM. The answer is mostly nothing. They are just sexy and I like them, along with a lot of other people.
Just because we are dedicated to BDSM education and knowledge does not mean I will not post things from time to time that are not exactly under that umbrella. It usually will be something that is sexy or fall under the fetish category.
So, now I have explained why I post what I post and see most of what I post as BDSM related, I hope I have opened your mind to thinking of BDSM in a broader sense versus just the core principles just as my mind was opened and my thinking is now outside the box.
April 9, 2013
What Is a Submissive?
The text book definition of a submissive is a person that takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role; one who relinquishes control for a large percentage of his or her day-to-day life to a top, or who submits within a formal set of rules and rituals. A submissive/slave is usually aware first of the wants, needs and expectations of the Dominant figure around her and not concerned as much with her own wants, needs and expectations.
A submissive explores the new world of surrendering power to another. It is not surprising that people engaged in D/s often spend a lot of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission implemented may be quite extensive.
When trying to define roles, the word of slave enters into the picture. While some people insist that the word slave, like the word submissive, can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.
I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995. A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is obligatory upon her to obey.
At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say No. The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a command and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.
A submissive that is controlled in large tracts of her life, her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc., may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over. This is not counter to the definition I gave above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment. In short, a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a dominant command.
How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission? First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "Should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. Secondly, in consensual slavery, a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I’m not talking about a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as property, in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.
A slave commits to obey. A no becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. Thirdly, a slave cannot say No without completely rescinding the very basis of the Master/slave agreement. A No from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the Dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if she disobeys orders, has put herself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to her relationship to the military (the Owner) than if she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master/slave relationship.
Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command." Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.
If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or your own moral values, then he or she is not a true Dominant and you should really think if you want to continue that relationship.
Communication, Respect, Honor, Trust, Honesty, and Consistency need to play a predominant role in your daily life. As you continue your journey, you'll find these words are, or should be, entwined into everything you do or encounter. Without these words and adherence to what they represent, a true Dominant/submissive relationship will be doomed to an early failure. Four of these terms, Honor, Respect, Communication and Trust also form the basic building blocks or foundation of any Dominant/submissive (D/s) or Master/slave (M/s) relationship.
As a submissive or slave, you may not find yourself in control of many situations, but the one situation you are always in control of is how much you learn about this Lifestyle before venturing into it, and how much you continue to learn to improve yourself and your abilities to please your Master or Dominant. There are many avenues open to you to explore your submissiveness and to seek more knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Reading articles, books, and internet sites can often prepare you for many of the things you have not discovered, as well as lead you to different thoughts about the Lifestyle.
Remember, all Dominants will push your limits and push the boundaries, but never take you so far over the edge that it will scar you physically or mentally. True Dominants know how and when to push the limits of their sub/slave, but also know when the sub/slave needs a softer touch. That is one of the marks of a true and caring Dom.
The main thing is to remember what being a submissive is about. That it is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, a Dominant. It is allowing yourself to feel freedom by being taken in hand. It is about knowing, understanding, caring, and feeling things you cannot feel if you do not submit your entire self to that Dominant. It is essentially being allowed to fly, to blossom and grow, to know true freedom by being consensually enslaved.
April 5, 2013
My Book is Listed On Amazon Finally!
Finally after a long wait, I am now listed in paperback on Amazon.com and Amazon EU!
If you are new or want to gain a broader knowledge base, order your copy here: http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beg...
If you are new or want to gain a broader knowledge base, order your copy here: http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beg...
What Type of Submissive are You?
The following is an excerpt from the Submissive Guide I am currently working on:
There are many levels and versions of submission. One way to ensure a good relationship is to be up front in what you want during play time, personal service and sexual service. State what your desires and needs are and there will be a lot less mistakes. Dominants are not mind readers. Be clear on your limits. Some submissives only submit in sexual scenes and not in the rest of their lives, while others give over their entire life to a Dominant. Some subs only want to be servant subs with no sexual acts ever taking place.
The following list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissives don't fall neatly into one category. There are still further shades in between. I have listed what I term as the most common types of submissives.
The Conceptual Submissive:
This submissive is one that learns everything they know about submission from romance or erotica books and the internet. This submissive will normally only become an online sub or slave and try to administer advice to others with no real experience or concept of what BDSM is. They usually live a vanilla life outside of the cyber world. The Mental Submissive:
The mental submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This person is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is all mental but can also consist of physical. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish to or need to give. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs, they can become an empty vessel for the Dominant to mold in whatever image They wish. Love is not required, as this is a mental submission. The Romantic Submissive:
This type of submissive wishes to surrender everything, without becoming a slave. In comparison with the mental submissive, a romantic submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. They give all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve. The Bedroom Submissive:
This type of submissive is Vanilla in every facet of their life or even Dominant, but when the bedroom door shuts, the roles drop and they submit to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This submission is almost always sexual in nature. In the bedroom, the act of submission is complete. But, when the bedroom door is open, the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role. 
The Servant: This type of submissive is only interested in serving a Dominant. This submissive typically does not include sexual activities. They run errands, clean the home, run a Dominant's calendar or arrange meetings for the Dominant. This type of submissive satisfies their submissive needs by doing things for other people. This is a very special type of submissive.
The Sex Slave:
This submissive is in this Lifestyle for sex, with one person, many people, or in any way that can be imagined. This person rarely has any limits when it comes to sex and will allow a Dominant to use pain as a method of arousal and release, with little or no cautions. This submissive cannot imagine any punishment worse than being locked in a chastity device or not given permission to masturbate or have sexual release.
The Slave: Unlike a submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be completely controlled by a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. They can become a different person when a Master trains them to serve Him/Her in whatever way they prefer. When Master is happy, the slave is happy. They feel most complete when with a Master. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure.
The SAMs:
These are 'Smart Ass Masochists'. They deliberately misbehave all the time so the Dominant will punish them. These types of subs are frowned upon in the BDSM community. Most people feel these subs are too weak to honestly ask for what they want. At times, they can provoke real anger without thinking how their behavior can affect the Dominant. The Dominant may then lose control and do actual harm to the SAM. They feel great remorse in losing control and can lose confidence in their Dominant abilities. 
The Attention Seeker: These types of submissives are the ones that always do things to seek attention from other submissives and Dominants alike. They post status updates on web sites that try to make you feel sorry for them, post lots of pictures of themselves in various states of undress, not because they are proud of their bodies but from the need to receive good comments to make validate their efforts, and are generally very whiney. These kinds of submissives are mostly found in cyberspace and are generally frowned on by real life BDSM practitioners. 
The Alpha Submissive: This person believes they are the ultimate, uber submissive. They think no one can come close to their knowledge, level of submissiveness, or training in protocol. They believe they are a step above all other subs and slaves. These people are generally not real submissives. They tend to read books and articles about the Lifestyle, may even submit to a Dom, but generally have no experience and don’t know what to do with book knowledge in real situations. They also do not have the need to submit internally and only want to do it for the experience.Now, these are the different types of subs/slaves that I use to categorize. Don't forget that you may not fall into just one area, but several. You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.
April 2, 2013
March 31, 2013
BDSM and Body Image
Body image. It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
Developing a Healthy Body Image
Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
Think of the three A's Attention: Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue). Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide. Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
Developing a Healthy Body Image
Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
Think of the three A's Attention: Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue). Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide. Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
