Shea Zellweger's Blog

My 10 Favorite Tom Swiftys

1.) "I don't want to write this post," I said listlessly.

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Scenes from Political Strategy Meetings

This week, I gained access to transcripts from the 5 remaining presidential campaigns during their strategy sessions. Here is what I uncovered.

Camp Clinton
I'm doing poorly among white people, but really well among African Americans.

Do you think you could get away with saying something subtly racist? 
No, people would probably notice that. 
If only there were some loose canon we could send as a proxy for you. Someone who has a history of doing this kind of thing and getting away with i...

On Vacation

Hi All,

You may have guessed this when no new post showed up on Friday, but I'm not going to be posting 2 days ago. I also won't have anything 5 days from now, or 12 for that matter. I'm taking a vacation as I transition from one job to another, and not really investing much time in creative writing while I'm gone. Keep an eye out for a new series to kick off in April!

Dusk Part 6

At sundown that evening Rillian strode out into the night, ready to begin her new life free of  fledgling responsibilities. She looked up and down the road, looking for something to catch her fancy. Instead of something fun, she saw… Traci? 
“How on earth did you survive?” She asked. 
“I told you, vampires aren’t hurt by sunlight. I walked down to the bookstore, found the book, and walked back here. It was super easy!” 
Rillian frowned. Something didn’t seem right h...

Dusk Part 5

“Rillian Andrews, it is the finding of this tribunal that you have been repeatedly guilty of dereliction of duty as it regards your responsibility to those whom you have turned. As punishment for this failure, you will no longer be granted the privilege of having fledglings in your care. Your current pair will be evaluated by this tribunal and, if your evaluation of them is correct, they will be destroyed.  It is further determined that you may not have any involvement in the turnin...

Dusk Part 4

9 Months Later Turning a human into a vampire is a lot like having a baby. It seems like an enjoyable prospect at first, but as time goes on you find yourself dealing with about forty weeks of pain, frustration, and hunger with little reward waiting at the end of the agony except more agony. When your little one is finally ready to come out and meet the world, you spend the next few years hovering over them trying to make sure nothing bad happens. Unlike with babies, however, the li...

Dusk Part 3

The collective bout of whining which followed was precisely the reason she was not looking forward to this task. Young vampires being told to wait for something are nearly indistinguishable from children being told to eat their vegetables before they can have dessert. Until they bite you. Then the difference is obvious.  Rillian became aware of that very difference as five mouths clamped down on various parts of her body. 
“YEOW! I am not food! Your test is food, thoug...

Dusk Part 2

The nest was in an abandoned warehouse in Southie. It could sometimes take an hour to drive there. Rillian wasn’t driving, though; she was running. She got there in less than fifteen minutes but didn’t go inside just yet. As soon as she brought the talkative girl inside she would have to feed the young ones. Once the person feeding the young ones entered their barracks the door would be locked for the day. Rillian didn’t look forward to her rotation in the barracks an...

Dusk Part 1

The wind tore at Rillian’s eyes as she stalked her prey through Brookline.  She knew she only had until the unsuspecting teenager exited the alley and she was running at full speed to make sure that didn’t happen. It was Rillian’s turn to provide food for the young ones tonight. If she went home empty-handed, the nest would be unbearable, and tonight was the Summer Solstice. That would mean fifteen hours locked up in a dark room with hungry vampires who’d not yet learned to control...

C'est Ne Pas Une Post

We're between stories at the moment, and I don't have my usual writing period this week, so you will not be getting your weekly dose of m'fiction. I assure you, however, the new tale which I am beginning next Friday will be worth the wait. It will be an episodic story of great social, moral, theological, historical, philosophical, scientific, biological, and mathematical importance. Or, at the very least, it will incite a few chuckles, and last several months. Until then, dear readers!