Adam Thomas's Blog, page 39
August 19, 2013
a wild and crazy (and talented) guy
So, I embellished a bit on the old Steve Martin – SNL catch phrase. It’s him that this post is about, so I really didn’t think it was a big deal. To leave the word talented out would be … wrong. Besides, he just fathered a child at like, what, age 65. So I’m thinkin’ he is still very wild. He has to be crazy for doing that at 65 but … . Back to the talented part.
I was watching Conan O’Brien last week and Steve Martin was the headliner with Edie Brickell . I was never really an early Steve Martin fan. I even had to check to make sure that catch phrase was worded correctly and that it was him who coined it. Not until the late eighties when he wrote the screenplay to Roxanne did I discover how diversely talented he actually was. After that he did a few more screenplays, even penned a novella.
Anyway, he and the host did their witty banter routine and started talking about his latest album. Yes, he’s musical, too. The Jerk! That was a joke, by the way – remember a title to one of his movies. Then I remembered he toured a few years back, mixing some bluegrass music into a comedy type routine. I heard that was amazing.
Now, he is all music, strummin’ his banjo with Edie Brickell singin’ along. Once again – The Jerk! She sounds wonderful, of course. The bluegrass, banjo twang was a tad twangy at first, but it grew on me. I included the title track to the album below. But Friend of Mine is truly my favorite track.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aAy6YPCe-4
By the way, Roxanne and L. A Story were both creative, fun movies.
Correction – the link is for the entire album. As you can see, my copy/paste skills have improved. Maybe not?!
August 13, 2013
But We Just Got Here
Well, it’ August. And, I’m panicking. Those who know me take my panicking in stride, of course. But, it’s August. I should be panicking. Actually, I think everyone is. I’m just admitting the fact.
Summer is almost over. I’m still this awful pasty white color, the family vacation plans were bust, and the weather really has sucked. The low tonight is like 47 degrees. It’s August!
I blame retail. Not for the weather, that is, but for everything else. I need to blame someone or something. Since I’m not a woman, I can’t blame the man – that would be me. There’s no way I’m blaming myself. So, I blame retail. Retail can never be in the moment. It’s always looking forward, accelerating time. The instant a holiday is over, the Clearance items are marked and the aisle is set for the next calendar ‘event’. What’s worse – we expect this ritual. Prime example – Just days after the Fourth of July a customer actually asked me where the school supply items were located. Before we know it, Christmas in July will just merge with the regular Christmas season.
On the flip-side, it is only the second week of August. Living in a tourist haven, that is a major bonus. All of the vacationers have to vacate. For them, the school year begins soon. We here in Traverse don’t start until after Labor Day. Translation - we get our town back. Not totally, though. We still have those snowbirds. They don’t leave for what seems like an eternity. Or until they get their fuckin’ flu shot.
There are a few new freckles on your shoulders
The hammock swings lower and touches the grass
The apples are ripe and the corn is past
Everyone says summer goes by so fast.
And we just got here
So, we enjoy what we can while we can, I guess.
Put our faces in place for September’s dance
If your willing, I’m willing to take one more chance
… we just got here
from We Just Got Here by Carly Simon
August 6, 2013
“I’m Alright. No one’s worried about … the chipmunk?”
The builder in our subdivision attempted to be ‘creative’ with large boulders, grouping them on various properties. Whether these boulders were meant to be ornamental, picturesque or just land markers, I’m really not certain. Moreover, the majority are situated along side of the utility boxes. The three on my property are just big rocks that I have to mow around. Since I can’t move the damn things, I decided to modify their appearance. So, I built a flower garden around everything. I even incorporated an Arbor Day pine tree sapling one of the kids brought home from school that had actually matured. It looks great. An added bonus - everything survived the winter.
Even the chipmunk!
Yes, that’s where this IS going. Damn chipmunks. I almost twisted my ankle on a new hole mowing the lawn. Something needed to be done.
I tried chewing a big wad of Juicy Fruit gum and throwing it down the hole, hoping the rodent might choke and die some horrible death. Nothing!
I tried those stupid poison pellets. I think I empty the entire jar into the holes. Nothing!
The Bill Murray – explosive plan wasn’t approved by the condo board. (see clip below). Besides, that was a gopher. This is a chipmunk.
My neighbor had quite a few one year and caught each one. When I inquired how, she said she stuck the hose down the hole and just waited for it to emerge. Then she clubbed the thing on the head with a bat. I’m kidding, okay. She was humane about it. Grumble, grumble. The varmint was easily detained, then relocated.
Personally the clubbing with a bat works well for me. But, believe it or not, I am also humane. Now I had a strategy. So, I just waited for the opportune time.
It was early evening. My daughter was helping me water the landscape and clean up the floral debris around the yard. As I made my way to the ‘boulder’ garden, the chipmunk ran past and scurried into a hole. I mumbled a few choice words quietly – my daughter was within earshot. Grabbing the hose and a container, I shoved the hose in the hole. Within seconds the blasted thing was inside the container, scrabbling for its life. I cherished the moment, wallowing in my success. My daughter on the other hand was gathering grass clippings for her new pet. Insert more choice words mumbled quietly here. Before anything else could go wrong, I secured the holding cell, drove off, and released the pesky critter in the open lot behind alternative high school. Poetic Justice on my part for the location choice.
Though, if I had only been a bit more patient. The neighbor cat has stepped-up and contributed to the … chipmunk body count. I’m thinkin’ Alvin is rethinking the disadvantages of relocation right now.
Still, Bill Murray had the right idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYm0c7gYyU
Damn condo association by laws.
July 30, 2013
My Favorite Posts
Well, here it is. My walk down memory lane; favorite post picks from the last year. Once again, thanks to all who have followed.
The posts are in chronological order. It was easier that way.
11-30-2012 Fine, thanks. How are … you?
I’m still fine. Though, lately I’m thinkin’ I want more. That mantra excerpt on 10-25-2012 is looking pretty good right now.
12-07-2012 Horrorscope? Not really.
Still no magic or succulence in this voice. As for that ‘active control of my unfolding adventures’… . Maybe next year.
01-07-2013 Normal two-parter
That is my favorite quote from the book. That definition; now there’s a work in progress.
02-21-2013 You Light Up ‘My Life’
Talking book always gets me psyched. I was going to give this post an honorable mention, but Stand by Rascal Flatts is such a great song. Besides, messing up the whole chronological order thing would bother me.
04-27-2013 HWWMR
Walter Mitty rocks. He just had to be included.
05-27-2013 The Cake Test
What kind of cake was that again?
06-10-2013 Mars, Venus and the root of communication evils
That was a well written post that makes me proud. Besides, ‘Men respond like this’.
Well, there you have it. When I first created the blog, I was advised to block comments. Nothing personal, but comments complicate things. Or so I’ve been told. Who needs that shit anyway? Things get complicated enough often without trying. However, there are times like this when I would actually like to know what a reader’s poll might produce.
Maybe next year?!
PS – I still want to clothesline Bonnie (10-15-2012). With flu season right around the corner, those CVS ads are certain to resurface.
July 20, 2013
“Someone should blog about that.”
Consider the following interactions with customers. And the post title proposed by a friend/co-worker that knows I blog.
- An elderly man handed the word Alleviate that he clipped from a magazine ad – think old fashioned ransom notes where all the words are cut out from magazines - to me, wondering if we had the product in stock. I asked the manager on duty. She stated, “that’s not a product it is a word; a part of a sentence.”
- When I asked for an ID for a Pseudoephedrine purchase, the customer stated she had a Drivers License from every state and for me to pick one.
- A man slides a piece of masking tape toward me, asks me to identify the microscopic bugs he collected from his body attached to the tape, then wonders what he can take to get rid of the bugs. Or, better yet, if smoke bombing his house would help.
Of course there’s more. There always is when you work retail. David Letterman had his ‘Stupid Human Trick’ segment. Wal-Mart has that YouTube video of shoppers in their pajamas or whatever the hell it is. The list goes on. But to blog about it regularly … . No thanks.
With pharmacy, the majority of the interactions are funny, often hilarious, but only to the personnel involved. The customer really is serious and/or that fucking stupid. When the anecdote is told out of context, the humor falls flat. The statement – ‘you had to be there’ – always resounds.
A perfect example is my book My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir. Yes, that shit really happened. No, I didn’t get fired – yet. And No, I don’t have 4.4 million dollars. But the uber-bitch really did butt into a transaction with a patient and I seriously did lose it. It bothered me for two years before I formulated a way to conceptually present the situation in a readable fashion. Then it took another two years to write about it. That’s why I formatted the book as I did. Limiting the pharmacy scenes allowed for a more enjoyable end product. Or so I’ve been told.
As for this blog, it took a while to find it’s rhythm. There are numerous other pharmacy websites and blogs that ‘blog about that’, presenting everyday situations on a humor intended basis. Personally, I work that. I don’t want to read about it on my down time.
July 13, 2013
Memories – like the corners of my … blog?
Well, it’s official. I’ve been spouting words of Random Nonsense for a year now. Hope it hasn’t been too painful for those of you who have followed. For me, it’s been great; a cathartic way to rant AND write at the same time.
Some dates that marked the way -
July 3, July 6, or July 7, 2012 was when my book My Life As A Retail Pharmacist - A Fictionalized Memoir went live on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It was launched on July 3 but wasn’t available until July 6 or something like that. I really don’t care the exact date. I just want people to buy (read) the damn thing. Here’s the reminder if you haven’t done so already. Click that book cover icon in the upper right hand corner.
July 14, 2012 was the first post I actually kept. Since I didn’t have a theme or know what the hell I was doing, I was using the blog more like a website. I would alternate between the cover of the book and the one page synopsis. Every now and then I would throw a book excerpt in there to liven things up. What I found was that the excerpts created great blog topics. Imagine that!?
August 24, 2012 was my first random, burning question. YES, it’s fitting that the previous post was a question. NO, the questions haven’t gotten any more intelligent over the past year.
September 7, 2012 Random Nonsense was coined. It was then I decided on a theme, but to this day I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
Finally on January 11, 2013 I became New and Improved. Not really. I just switched processors. From what I’ve read, all the famous people use Tumblr. – Beyoncé, Ireland Baldwin and countless others. Apparently, I’m still in their data base as active because I received congratulations and a picture of a cupcake for my anniversary. But I’m still happy here. It’s more manageable for a non-computer geek like me. Though, I think I need another makeover soon. We’ll see where that goes. I’ve been trying to add a ‘Reviews’ tab for some time now and that hasn’t worked. And let’s not even bring up that cutting and pasting stars from the reviews. As for that cupcake … .
I’m working on a ‘best of’ post to accompany this, but that will take some time, of course. I remember what I’ve written. However going back and re-reading what I’ve written – that’s another story.
July 7, 2013
another question – random yet highly combustible
Haven’t had one of these in a while. I actually thought of this one late last summer, but better ideas came up. By the time I actually wanted to post it, the season was over. And, considering I just reread what I’ve written so far, maybe it should remain unposted. But, here it is anyway.
I was watching the movie Tangled a few nights back with my daughter. Personally, I love the movie. Though I am a sucker for the majority of those Disney flicks. I even saw this one in the theater IN 3D. I’m usually too cheap for 3D and the glasses really stress my eyes, but my daughter asked nicely. What is a dad to do?
There’s a climactic scene* when the evening sky is filled with floating lanterns, the cheesy love song is performed, and everything is right in animated land. Then, shit happens, the lanterns disappear and everything just falls apart. Yes, the main characters live happily ever after. It’s Disney AND animated – of course they do. But, real life isn’t Disney OR animated. Shit really happens. So, who cleans up the mess? I mean the lantern mess. What happens when the lanterns drift away and the oohs and aahs are done?
So, I did some investigating. Here’s what I found.
What is a Sky Lantern?
Sky Lanterns, also known as Wish Lanterns and Konming Lanterns, can be thought of as a miniature hot-air balloons that can launched in your back yard for a special event or occasion.
100% Biodegradable, 100% Flame-Resistant Paper, Fully Assembled, Non-Hazardous, Guaranteed to Fly
The lantern itself is made of lightweight biodegradable tissue paper on a bamboo frame with a small wax fuel cell suspended in the middle. Just light the wax fuel cell and the lantern fills with hot air, causing it to rise gently into the night sky.
Of course there was nothing on any of the websites defining the length of time the proposed biodegradability actually takes. In this world of eco-consciousness, it really does matter, doesn’t it? If it’s Flame -Resistant that means it’s not going to completely disintegrate, correct?
Hmmm… . Oh well. Leave it to me to burst THAT balloon or lantern in this case. Wait, these are guaranteed to fly.
Remember this blog IS Random Nonsense.
Still, I didn’t feel this was complete without the climactic scene included; cheesy love song and all.
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl4QPh0pmXE
June 28, 2013
Better than … KDP community comfort
5.0 out of 5 stars A surprisingly compelling tale, June 23, 2013
This review is from: My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir (Kindle Edition)
I think most people would be surprised to discover how interesting a story about a pharmacist suing his former employer for wrongful discharge could be. The characters in the story are very interesting, and the author’s pace and story line made the book a quick read. Kudos to “Adam Thomas”, whomever he really is!
Once again the stars didn’t paste. Hell, this time I couldn’t even copy them. As with the imaginary fireworks in the previous post – just pretend.
June 23, 2013
Something worse than REJECTION
When you do something creative, you open yourself up to absolutely, positively every type of criticism known. Such is the nature of the Beast. Through the years, I’ve accepted rejection and pushed on. Though sometimes it was harder than others, wallowing in self-pity is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Asking people to read a novel is quite an undertaking. Let me just say a thanks to all who have read or intend to read My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir . Listening to a new song, critiquing artwork, or visual entertainment is almost instantaneous. You form a immediate opinion. Reading takes time. So I wanted to make sure I expressed my gratitude. Hope it was time well spent for all.
So after you receive enough rejects to wallpaper your house, you self-publish. Pretend you hear lots of imaginary fireworks exploding. The dream becomes a reality. Then your first sale. It’s all good. I have Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) on my favorites and click on it to see the Reports of books sold, borrowed, and, yes, even REFUNDED. Since that word is in capital letter,s you can only imagine where this is going.
Yes, I experienced my first REFUND. Talk about the cluster fuck of self-pity. Wow! It sucks. When you receive a form rejection letter from an agent, publisher, or some other schmo you thought, hoped, and prayed might help you advance in some way, however small that may be, it’s hard. Sometimes, you actually READ the rejection and come to find out the letter doesn’t even correspond to the submitted piece. Then, you just light that fuckin’ piece of paper on fire and watch that baby burn, realizing the person who sent the reject was a complete moron. But, this. Did I say it sucks?!
In my dismay, I read the reasons KDP may allow refunds. And with a few frantic e-mails to ‘contact us with questions’ I was somewhat – but not much – comforted to learn that refunds are usually offered for clarity issues, wrongful purchases, and the dreaded ‘circumstances that are deemed necessary’ or something to that nature. Okay, I’ve worked retail long enough to know that means a pissed off, unhappy customer. So, I’m just banking on the fact that since the refund was within a close time frame to a purchase, I was the wrongful purchase or clarity issue. Don’t judge my coping technique, okay.
Then I went to the KDP Community. A bitch fest for all us self-published writers that are experiencing the same thing. Here, I was comforted. Especially when I read a New Thread Post from an author that ‘decided’ she liked refunds because “refunds were better than a 1 star review”.*
Those positive-thinking people are good for something, eh?
*she wasn’t able to get her star to paste either
June 19, 2013
comic relief
That last post was way too serious. So, I figured a little funny was in order. Besides, I’m out of town at a graduation party and I ain’t got nothin’ else.
Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw
