Adam Thomas's Blog, page 38

KPH

I lost my mentor and friend this past week.  I’ve known for a while her time was limited.  This was apparently her second bout with throat cancer.  And, when the word ‘Hospice’ is mentioned… .  Well, that is never good.  Hospice is wonderful, but needing Hospice is not.

I grew up with her son, swimming and diving our summers away at the local pool.  Everyone in the neighborhood spent their summers at Lawn Aqua.  It was wonderful.  The years passed – college, marriage, kids.  Then, my writing began.  I’m not certain how my friendship with KPH started.  I just remembered that she was an English teacher.  Somehow I asked her to read through something I had written.  She accepted.

Poof – we instantly connected.

She was encouraging, supportive, and, did I mention, SHE WAS AN ENGLISH TEACHER. Thank God for her red pen.  That really hot chick from  Revenge  would be envious at what KPH could do with red pen.  The ‘P’ in KPH was actually the word Penn.  Though I never knew whether Penn was a middle or maiden name.  Come to think about it, if I were a better writer less red pen would have been needed.  Oh, well!

KPH edited everything I have ever written.  Her eye was keen.  I valued her critique.  Since most of you have read something I’ve written, you all know the extent of my grammar and spelling skills.  Remember it took me six months to realize the word ‘essence’  was misspelled then another six months to correct it.  Need I say more.  I have corrected some bad habits, though.  However I still use way too many comas and definitely overuse the word though.

I could go on of course.  But, I won’t.  Instead I will end with a few lines from John Newton’s  Amazing  Grace.  Forgive me for being cliché but the words just … fit.

 

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,

I shall possess within the veil,

A life of joy and peace.

 

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the ANGRY immunization rant that is long overdure

I hate flu shots.  I hate all immunizations.  I hate the stupid smiles plastered on the happy faces of the stupid customers as they walk up to the wrong window of the pharmacy and say  – “I want a flu shot.” And, yes, as a pharmacist you can spot those fucking smiles the moment the customer walks into the fucking store.

I went to pharmacy school.  I am not a nurse and never wanted to be one.  These so called services that retail pharmacy chains offer now are almost a hypocrisy.  It’s a façade; corporate greed disguised as ‘customer services’. A few years back prescription profits started dwindling.  So in their infinite, fucking wisdom, the corporate idiots decided that immunizations were a gold mine.  Maybe they are, but those corporate idiots aren’t the ones giving the damn shots.  I am!

If you haven’t already figured it out, it was a very difficult immunization weekend.  People are so … stupid and careless when it comes to their immunizations and health care for that matter.  Just knowing the service is there and available is reason enough to get every immunization possible.  Even if it’s not necessary.  Why the fuck does someone who will never leave Traverse City need a Typhoid vaccine?

Considering the following ‘immunization anecdotes’.

THE HAPPY COUPLE – When asking a couple waiting for flu shots who wanted to go first.  The husband promptly pointed to his wife and blurted, “her! She’s going first.  And when you give her the shot,” he continued vehemently, motioning wildly with his hand.  “Stick her in the head and move the needle around slowly.  Make sure it hurts.”

And you all thought I was angry?!

THE TIME-MANAGEMENT CHALLENEGED FAMILY – It’s 4:30pm on Sunday.  A couple approach with their college-aged son and request flu shots.  After the appropriate paperwork was processed and the elderly father made really stupid comments about everything.  “Are you giving the shot?” he chided the technician.  “I hope it’s not your first time.  Because that would really be bad.”  Ha.Ha.Ha.  Fucking idiot.  Then the  threesome hovered around the check-out counter, hindering others from approaching.  When asked to step aside so the next customer could be assisted, the woman responded, “the ad says there’s no wait.  We are in a hurry.  We need to get our son to college.”

Let me get right on that  was my first response, of course.  Not!  The kid probably came home from school Friday.  Here’s the kicker – after all that bitchin’ the family shopped in the store AFTER I gave them their shots.

THE ‘I’M ALLERGIC TO FLU SHOTS BUT I STILL WANT ONE ANYWAY’ WOMAN – Yes, someone IS that stupid.  It does get better.  She proceeded to ask if we could administer her flu shot in incremental doses over the course of three weeks.  Only then does she not have a reaction.

Anyone?

Look, I write fiction and I couldn’t dream of half this shit.  It’s some good material; disturbing, but good.

 

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updates and understandings

First and foremost – my REVIEWS tab has been found and updated.  Thanks cousin Mike.  I decided to leave Dianne Bylo’s review on the home page.  It was my first review.  And, it’s awesome.  Why wouldn’t I?
I actually fixed the spelling of the word ‘essence’ in the Random Nonsense box on the right.  Though, my spell check on the edit post screen is not working.  So you know what that means – more misspelled words.  Oh, well.
My jaw is much better.  I went to the dentist and he actually adjusted my bite.  Felt really weird for a few days.  My mouth didn’t know what to do.  Couple that with the prescription from my doctor - I’m a man with a new jaw.
Still working on the whole sigh -v- diaphragmatic breath thing.  Sometimes a heavy sigh just says it best.  Furthermore, I would sound like a fuckin’ pansy if I ever corrected someone.  “That was NOT a sigh,” I would insist.  ”It was a diaphragmatic breath.” See what I mean?!
I decided to hold off on the KOBO link.  I wanted to wait until it could benefit the local bookstores.  Neither one is ‘connected’ as of yet.  Besides, few know KOBO.  I hope it takes off and follows through on it’s mission statement.  Though I just received an e-mail alert from KOBO.  I guess  there’s some ‘questionable content’ in e-published material being protested in the UK.  Who knows?!

Anyway, I just reread what I had written and realized I needed to include something fun.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddmXM-96-no

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Waiting to … diaphragmatically exhale

A new technician started working back in the pharmacy some time ago.  After the initial ‘newness’ wore off and she was more comfortable with our working relationship, she commented that I sighed a lot; often quite heavily.  Of course there was no suitable response.  She was correct.  Then after a few months later, she too began to sigh; often quite heavily, I might add.  When I called her on it, there really wasn’t a suitable response.  I was correct.

To maintain my pharmacy license, I need thirty hours of Continuing Education every two years.  Ten of those must be live.  Yes, that means I either have to sit in front of the computer listening to some boring ass lecture on who knows what and type a comment here or there just to prove my attendance OR I have to sit in a banquet hall at the local hotel listening to some boring ass lecture on who knows what.  Considering my computer skills and inability to tolerate online anything, I choose the latter.  And it always seems to be that the boring ass lecture is on the most perfectly beautiful day.

So, since the temperature was 74.3 in October, the sky was the most pristine blue possible, and the leaves where just beginning to change, I decided to attend one such event.  And, … I’m glad I did.  Yes, you read correctly.  It was a great seminar.  The topic was “Calming the Overactive Brain”.  Though some contend that I don’t have a brain at all, let alone an overactive one.  The subtopics were interesting – sleep disturbances, anxiety disorders, and how proper breathing technique – see where this is going – influences pretty much everything.

One particular interesting tidbit described DIAPHRAGMATIC BREATHS.   These are way cool.  It’s like a sigh without all the negative connotations.  The instructor took it even one step further.  Proposing the following exercise.

Inhale slowly for 3 seconds, hold for 1 second, then exhale deliberately for 4 seconds, saying three positive words.  Doing this randomly throughout the day should curb the ‘anxious response’ to a more manageable level.  He probably never worked retail.  Since I’m certain  he does deal with some really challenged individuals.  So, it  might work.

As I writer though, I realized there was a problem.  Consider the following sentences -

He sighed heavily.

He exhaled diaphragmatically.

See what I mean?

 

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allergies, aneurysms, and anxiety

We all have our neurotic health moments.  That being said, I will continue without embarrassment.  Though I’m certain when I edit this post before publishing, the delete button AND the ‘you are such a freak’ button are certain to utilized.

For the last few months, I’ve been experiencing jaw pain.  I guess I never realized the extent of the jaw pain until a masseuse stated how tight my jaw actually was.  Of course there was the sly comment, “is there something you’re not saying?” My response was a forced smile.  What I really wanted to say was, “shut the fuck up and continue the massage.”  But that would have been angry, thus defeating the whole purpose of the massage.

Fast forward to a few days ago.  Yes, my jaw was still tight; a petty  annoyance more than anything.  My wife came home from the store and proceeded to tell me about some dude that she hadn’t seen in awhile.  Apparently, this dude’s wife had jaw pain AND it turned out to be a brain aneurysm.  THE SIZE OF A DIME, NO LESS. *  So you can only imagine where that went and how it escalated.  Yes, I called my doctor, babbling on to the receptionist about how my wife convinced me that I had an aneurysm.  Other minor issues that would’ve never warranted a doctor’s appointment had happened intermittently.  I’m getting old, for Pete’s sake.  According to a snot-nosed – but nice guy – technician I used to work with, I am half-way to dead.  These things happen.  But when these ‘minor issues’ are combined WITH the jaw pain … it has to be a brain aneurysm, right?  And don’t even get me started about goggling health issues.

I was happy the appointment was the next day.  Otherwise, I would have cancelled. By the way, my doctor and his staff are awesome.  They have to be to deal with freaks like me.  But, let me remind you, I’m usually not this neurotic.

Upon arrival, I apologized and brought a cupcake for the receptionist and nurse.  I tormented them with my rambling – they deserved something.  At least I’m a nice freak, eh?

Well, the good news is I don’t have an aneurysm.  At one point in my conversation with the doctor we joked that everything here in Northern Michigan is a result of either allergies or anxiety. Mine, of course, is allergy mediated.  Why would anyone think anything else? Now is probably a good time to reference  an excerpt from my novel when it truly wasn’t an allergy attack.  I was delusional  then.

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir excerpt

 

*Just wanted to qualify -  I am not discounting what this man and his wife are going through by any means.  I am completely empathetic to their situation.

intend – to have a purpose or design

The fall television season is officially underway.  While I watch little prime-time shows, I’m interested in how one particular returning show will continue.  Revenge  follows a really hot chick hell bent on creating havoc in the lives of an aristocratic family that killed her father.  Season one was amazing, but then season two fell way short; borderline lame describes it best.  So I’m interested to see what happens this year.  The reason I reference the show is because each episode starts with a voice over.  The main character – the really hot chick – defines a word that ultimately describes what will happen in each episode.

So, that brings me to intend.  Or, better yet, my intentions for this post.

I am all about intention.  Tell me exactly what you want so I know what I’m up against. It’s really very simple.  Unfortunately as adults we complicate everything.

In day to day interactions, ’intentions’  I mean true intentions, are very rarely vocalized.  People usually skate around topics, hinting at what each would like to happen rather than being straight-forward with their intentions.  Then, when neither is satisfied, disappointment often results.

I usually don’t have this problem.  Everyone knows my intentions.  The funny thing is that I’m often taken as being too direct because I actually vocalized what I want.  But I gotta’ tell ya’, if someone says to me, ” I don’t care what we do,” I am going to make the decision.  All I gotta’ say is that the other party better not get upset because, ya’ know, there was an out.

There is probably more to say about this as there was with the 121 TCE post.  I feel incomplete with what I have presented.  I originally intended to include a humorous anecdote to compliment my words, but … .  I ain’t got nothin’.*

But I will finish with this. The other day at work someone challenged me to ‘harass’ a fellow co-worker.  Mind you this was all in fun.  Each attempt, though,  was thwarted by my lack of anything funny to say.  When I was prompted to what was taking so long, I  recited each gag-line to evidence my short-coming.

“Of course they don’t sound funny,” the provocateur stated.  “You sound half dead.  Say it in a happy voice.  It’s sure to make a difference.”

So, I did as requested.  To me it still wasn’t funny.  But it gave me this idea – read the post in a happy voice.  Maybe then will my intention be complete.

*a direct quote from an ex-co-worker.  And, yes, she talked to customers that way.

 

I’ve been KOBO’ed

About Kobo

Inspired by a “Read Freely” philosophy and a passion for innovation, Kobo is one of the world’s fastest-growing eReading services. Read Freely stems from Kobo’s belief that consumers should have the freedom to read any book, anytime, anyplace – and on any device. As a result, Kobo has attracted millions of readers from more than 190 countries and features one of the world’s largest eReading catalogues with over 3.5 million eBook, newspaper and magazine titles.

Founded in 2009, Kobo is owned by the Tokyo-based Rakuten, Japan’s largest eCommerce operator. Headquartered in Toronto our over 300 employees are proud of Kobo’s top-ranked eReading applications for the iPad, iPhone, Android, Windows and our own line of eReaders, including the award winning Kobo Touch and Kobo Vox.

As technology continues to push the envelope and break down geographic borders, Kobo believes that reading no longer has to be an isolated activity. We’re committed to making reading a more engaging social experience with such apps as Pulse and Reading Life, which let you share and celebrate every aspect of your reading life – from reviews and recommendations to trends and reading challenges.

So what does this really mean?

KOBO is some good shit, man.  A local book store is where I first heard of KOBO.  Yes, A LOCAL, INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE.  The owner explained that KOBO was designed to keep booksellers stay in business.  Or at least offer way to compete with evolving technology.  If a consumer purchases an e-book on the independent bookstores KOBO tab, a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the that business.  That’s way, cool.  Below I’ve included the link for my book.  Since there are several independents here in Traverse, I’ve included the KOBO link to remain impartial.

http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/my-life-as-a-retail-pharmacist-a-fictionalized-memoir

So, I’m thinkin’ I need another makeover to add the KOBO link in the book icon over there.  Considering my issue with copying/pasting those stars from the FIVE STAR REVIEWS I’ve received, I’ve decided to seek help.  More on that to come – Please be patient.  In the meantime, please KOBO nicely.

121 TCE

This is a  license plate number taken from a book I read a long time ago. The main character – a female – was being chased, followed or in some sort of peril and needed to remember the plate.  Considering her heightened state of anxiety, she decided an acronym would be the best recall method.  Totally Cease Expectation was chosen for the letters.  I have no idea what was used for 121, but that doesn’t matter.   By the way, she was on her way to a date.  So, I’m thinkin’ TCE was appropriate.

Or was it?

According to The Power of Positive Thinking  by Norman Vincent Peale – and every other positive thinking book out there -  you should always  Expect the Best and Get it – a chapter title.

So, what gives?

I’ll tell you – I have no clue.  Other than the fact that this is something I grapple with on a regular basis.  Basically, I consider myself a positive person. You know trying not to get too bogged down with the whole DG – daily grind.  And trying really, really hard to view that ’glass as half-full’. Often my co-workers and friends disagree.  Maybe it’s my mumbling obscenities and grumbling unpleasentries.  I don’t know.  But, ya’ know, life is  messy. Sometimes that fucking glass is half-empty.  Remember I work customer service.  That alone could suck the zip out of any do-da-day.

Instead, I’ve decided that I am a realist.  I truly believe that both viewpoints are applicable, depending on the circumstances, of course.

When other people are involved, I expect absolutely nothing.  How can you? That has ‘fail’ written all over it.  Even when the task at hand is seemingly uncomplicated, I’m often  left scratching my head, mumbling, “how the hell did that happen?” And that’s with totally ceasing any expectations whatsoever.

As for myself, I always expect the best.  Getting it … , now that can be a work in progress.  But I keep trying.  I will be a New York Times Best Selling author soon.  This book of mine will rock the publishing world. ( Hint - Click the book cover icon in the upper right to buy the book if you haven’t already.) I just need to be patient.

yet another FIVE STAR REVIEW

great book August 27, 2013

By louis
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

  Its A great book and I learned a lot about retail pharmacy. I finished the book in 4 days, very entertaining.

That was the goal – entertaining.  The ‘ great book’ works  for me, too!
 As for those stars … .

A Subaru commercial moment

Like most writers, I started with short stories.  Unlike most writers, that didn’t last too long.  I could never wrap my brain around a ‘shorter content’.  I always felt unfinished or it should be a part of something else.  One day, the idea for my first novel come to mind.  I knew how I wanted the story to begin and how I wanted it to end.  The rest, well let’s just say, I knew it would evolve.  And, it did.  By my thirteth birthday, I had a complete novel.  It was a present to myself.  Now, three novels and a complete screenplay later, the thought of short anything is not even comprehendable.

Recently something triggered the memory of a short stories I had written long ago.   It was about a father teaching his son to drive.  Oh, it was awful.  I tried so hard to parallel the ‘Rules of the Road’  to the ‘Road of Life’.  I failed miserably.  Blatantly obvious is the only way to describe my comparisons. Luckily the piece is either at the bottom of some drawer or  burned in a fit of desperation.

Now, the point of this back story -  my son is driving.

I’m certain those who have – been there, done that - remember the spectrum of emotion that accompanies such an event.  Although he was hesitant at first, the advantages of driving are becoming fast apparent.  Not as fast as his driving, though, but that’s another anxiety attack.

Last night my son was driving home and we stopped for gas.  I, of course, had to be the one to pump it.  I’m not ready to give up the credit card just yet.  I was also informed that the part about pumping gas is in segment 2 of  Driver’s training.  Funny, eh?

Across the way, a man was doing the same.  But what caught my eye was his adorable little girl sitting in the driver’s seat, pretending to drive.  The father didn’t realize the magnitude of the situation for me.  Hell, he probably wanted to be done faster, hoping that she didn’t hit some wrong button, activating something that no adult knew how to reverse.  I didn’t want to be done fast at all.  For one brief moment, I thought of doing the whole  – catching his attention, saying “before you know it … ,” then motion with my head to where my son was seated.

I didn’t.  I hate it when other’s do that to me.  Besides, this moment was all mine and I wanted to keep it that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qf8OGLqE1s