Liam Perrin's Blog, page 4
September 28, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 75
Her hair was a mess. She had soot on her cheek. Perspiration beaded on her nose.
He ignored it. “I’ll take a kabob,” he said.
“You mean-” She snatched one from the grill and brandished it, grinning madly. “A gorgon detector.”
He squinted. “I don’t think they work that way.”
“Of course they do. You hold it out-” She demonstrated. “And if the meat turns to stone, you’ve got a gorgon.”
“No I mean I think it’s got to have eyes if it wants to be turned to stone.”
She pursed her lips, then smiled t...
September 25, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 74
The woman was slumped over her laptop, unmoving.
“What’s the matter?” asked the curious man.
The thoughtful man replied, “I told her that everything she puts on social media will outlive her.”
“Oh,” said the curious man.
The thoughtful man grinned.
“Except it won’t,” said the curious man.
“Pardon?”
“The book says people are eternal. If that’s true then we’ll go on at least as long as whatever she puts online. Maybe longer.”
The woman considered the curious man.
The curious man smiled.
The tho...
September 21, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 73
She popped into his office. “How’s it going?”
“The board wants the revised strategic plan by end of day, but I just can’t make it work. It’s just…” He took a deep breath. “It’s impossible to maintain the element of surprise in a campaign of galactic conquest. I mean come on-”
He jazz-handed: “‘Surprise! Galactic conquest!'”
He rolled his eyes. “People are bound to see it coming. Eventually.”
She considered this for a moment. “You’d be surprised,” she said.
September 18, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 72
Captain Alistair Tullett was the first to circumnavigate the flat Earth, or so he claimed. When his patron asked how the crew had fared during the voyage, Tullett is reported to have replied, “They were on edge the whole time.”
The patron is reported to have missed the joke.
When the round-Earth theorists later exposed Tullett’s operation as a fraud, the disabused unamused patron sought to bring the conmen’s captain to justice, but Tullett was nowhere to be found. It was as if he had simply d...
September 14, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 71
He reached the summit. He crested the peak. He stood on top of the world.
Except the world is spheroid, so it was also the bottom.
He stood on the very bottom-top of the world and looked up-down.
He’d come so far. He’d conquered countless impasses.
But now that he’d arrived he realized he didn’t know where he was.
And he wasn’t certain he hadn’t been headed in the wrong direction all along.
September 11, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 70
She folded her napkin and smoothed it on her lap. “I still don’t know what you do,” she said.
He appeared from the kitchen, set two delightful plates, took a seat and said, “I’m an enginerr.”
She laughed. “You mean engineer?”
He shook his head. “Enginerr. I inject obvious design flaws for the managers to spot.” He shrugged. “It keeps them feeling productive and lets the rest of the team stay focused.”
She laughed nervously. “I’ve never heard of that.”
He smiled.
“Oh,” she said. “I have two sp...
September 7, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 69
“I apologize for my tardiness,” he said. “I was delayed.”
“Traffic?” she asked.
“No.”
“Family matter? I hope everything is alright.”
“No, no, nothing like that. It was a critical essay on some far-reaching ideas.”
“Aaaand this required your immediate attention.”
He nodded and took a seat. “It demanded to be read.”
She squinted. “I think we need to discuss the notion of urgency.”
“A favorite topic.”
“For example, a critical essay on far-reaching ideas sounds wonderful. Not urgent.”
“Heavens, n...
September 4, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 68
Turn the dial, push the button, pull the lever.
Turn the dial, push the button, pull the lever.
“Whatcha doin’?” she asked.
“I’m turning the dial, pushing the button, pulling the lever.”
She nodded encouragingly.
“The order is very-”
Turn the dial.
“Important. It’s the only way-”
Push the button.
“To keep it working.”
“That’s not technically true. I mean push the button, pull the lever, turn the dial would work too right?”
He looked at her.
“Or pull, turn, push. Just depends where you left of...
August 31, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 67
“It’s not a proper fairy tale,” she said. “It’s got to have seven sisters turned into swans or a baby stolen by goblins or plump children eaten by a witch.”
He gasped. “That’s horrible!”
“That’s the point. Something bad has to happen so you appreciate the good. You can’t very well turn people back into people if they haven’t first been turned into something else.”
“You’re saying a story where people are people the whole way through, and little babies stay put, and children don’t get eaten… Th...
August 28, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 66
Paralyzed by indecision, she phoned her dad.
“When your head and your heart want to take different career paths, it’s wise to consider worst-cases,” he said. “If you follow your head and fail, you’ll be poor and miserable. Follow your heart and fail, you’ll be poor, but you’ll be richer for it.
“It’s not rationality that blocks the way of the heart. It’s fear. The reason more people don’t follow their hearts is not because the world is teeming with rational people. The reason more people don’...
