Liam Perrin's Blog, page 2
December 14, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 95
It wasn’t supposed to happen.
You found the midnight market. You traded real money for fairy gold. You spent the gold before dawn because at dawn the gold, the market, and whatever you had purchased disappeared.
Except for the experience. The experience remained.
That’s how it was supposed to work.
That’s how it always worked.
But the sun was up. The market was gone. Her feather hat was gone. And here she stood holding a single sparkling coin.
Fairy gold.
“You have a choice,” said a voice.
Sh...
December 11, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 94
The rookie snickered.
“Something funny?” said the detective.
“These warrants are a joke right? Elijah (see Carmel), Moses (Egypt, prince, former), Jesus of Nazareth. I mean okay, Moses murdered a guy. Elijah, several hundred. But I thought the deal with Jesus was that he was totally innocent. Never broke any laws.”
The detective shrugged. “Broke the laws of physics.”
“But they’re dead. Or gone. We’re supposed to find these guys?”
“Our department is granted some… latitude in the pursuit of jus...
December 7, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 93
“Socializing is exhausting,” she said.
“Why is that?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t like to talk about myself. And I don’t have strong opinions about things.”
“You’re a listener.”
She conceded with a shrug. “People have a habit of talking at me at length.”
“About what?”
“Anything. Everything.”
“You must learn a lot of secrets.”
She stared thoughtfully at nothing in particular. “I learn more about the people themselves.”
“Like what?”
“They like to talk about themselves. And they have strong...
December 4, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 92
“I want to write,” she said, “but I don’t know where to start.”
“I like to start at the beginning,” said her grandmother.
“Thanks. That’s helpful. No, I mean how do I get them there – to the other world? All the best stories have some kind of doorway. A wardrobe or a telephone box. A white-gold ring, a magic book, a secret passage on a train platform. Everything I think of has been done.”
Her daughter climbed onto her grandmother’s lap. “Tell us a story,” she said.
The grandmother leaned her...
November 30, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 91
It had become easier for Marty to move around in the world recently. Everyone assumed he was just like all the others. Except for the hat. That silly pointed hat.
It wasn’t a hat of course. It was a horn. But it couldn’t be a horn, because horses don’t have horns. So it became (to them) the only thing it could be. There goes Marty, they’d say, the silly-hatted horse.
Marty was worried the little girl was on to him though. Her name was Occam, and she kept trying to take off his hat.
She was sm...
November 27, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 90
“Practice on me,” said his friend.
“I don’t-”
“Give it a try.” His friend adopted a feminine posture. “So, handsome, what do you do?”
“Um,” he said, disconcerted. “I’m a technical writer.” He sensed this wasn’t enough.
“On the macro level,” he added.
“Macro level.”
He nodded. “Things are more interesting subatomically.”
“Mm-hmm,” said his friend.
“Subatomically, writing is arranging charged particles on magnetic media in meaningful patterns. In truth,” he said triumphantly, “I am a quantum me...
November 23, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 89
He tried to comfort her. “A lot of ideas sound good. Like antipodal tunnels.”
Her face was blank. Like a panther’s. Right before it eats you.
“Tubes straight through the Earth. Jump in the hole. Fall faster and faster – cross the center – fall slower and slower until you reach the surface and step right out onto the other side.
“But, problems.” He counted on his fingers. “One, heat. Two, pressure. Three, the places you’d want to go – their antipode is somewhere in an ocean. Four, the terminal...
November 20, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 88
He examined the scene from behind his coffee mug. “What’s that?” he said.
She placed a model Volkswagen down next to a model gas pump. “I have to get gas today,” she said.
There were several dioramas set up around the room.
“Wouldn’t a to-do list be,” he searched for a gentle word, “quicker?”
She selected a female figure and placed it carefully next to the Volkswagen. “It makes going about these mundane tasks more satisfying knowing someone cares about them enough to spend time on them.”
“But...
November 16, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 87
His parents had taken him to a rally when he was small. He had been struck by the colorful buttons, foam hats, posters on sticks, and a slogan.
“No one can have peas until everyone has peas.”
Nothing adults said made much sense, so in that regard the remark was unremarkable. But people had cheered, and he didn’t much care for peas. This force, he decided, must be countered. Logically, if he disrupted anyone’s peas, he would disrupt everyone’s.
Decades later, the experience had buried itself i...
November 13, 2017
The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 86
A meaty hand gripped her shoulder. “Welcome,” said its owner.
She grimaced. “Thanks.”
“What’s your gig?”
She didn’t reply.
“Look, we’re all here for the same reason. You feel like you’re supposed to save the world. Buns over there-” He nodded at a man. “Heat vision. Check. Crime fighting skills? Zero. He’s a baker.
“Gills? Hates the ocean. Public pool lifeguard.
“Ropes? Bit by a radioactive spider. Got just the web slinging bit. Rock climbing instructor.
“No ninjas here. No billionaires. Just...
