C.H. Clepitt's Blog, page 8
May 27, 2020
Reasons to be Fearful – A Poem
Reasons to be fearful, one, two, three
Summer with a virus, nobody will hire us
Coz only fleas desire us. And lockdown
Donald in the White House, twittering his big mouth
Cummings is a pink louse. Let’s all frown
Boris he got so sick, but recovered, sad prick
Cummings is a limp dick. Left town
Health service crashing, Tories need a bashing
Parliament is trashing. Witch hunt
Social distance failure, Durham’s not Australia
If you wasn’t rich they’d jail yer. You cunt
Voters made a mistake, gave us all a headache
We needs a fucking break
Labour offers Starmer, is he gonna harm ya
Throw him a banana
Counting up the dead, existential dread
The straw in Johnson’s head
Reasons to be fearful, part three
May 22, 2020
Perfect Pride Pins!
When we received the below press release for Wedrevo’s new range of cute animal pride pins we were super excited. We knew the press release wouldn’t be enough for you colourful lot, so we pinned them down for an interview to find out more!
For this year’s Pride month, we decided to create a series of enamel pins that give a light touch and a fun twist to the current times. We hope to lift everyone’s spirits and encourage people to celebrate Pride while maintaining social distancing!
Our choice of animals is not random. We carefully picked animals who have exhibited homosexual and/or non-gender specific behaviour. These little cuties are all true members of the community. ️ We decided to give each of them their own story but kept their masks in the general pride colours to keep them inclusive and allow everyone to pick their favourite! Pins will arrive on cool backing cards with the animal’s name and profile. Packaging will be discreet.
This project is created by WEDREVO co-founders Arghierenia Kyrimi and Selene Bueno Capuano. WEDREVO is a website focusing on non-traditional weddings and everything related, catering to LGBTQ+, feminist, and alternative couples!
Kickstarter link:
1. TELL US THE ANIMAL’S STORIES!!!
Our animals are a group of international friends who met in Brighton, they were all really looking forward to this year’s Pride and got really upset when it got cancelled. Proudah the Zebra decided to cheer up her friends by making rainbow face masks for all of them. Proudah thought If they have to wear a mask to protect themselves and others from this pandemic, at least they can do it with pride!
Who’s who:
PAN-PAN the Koala
PAN-PAN is a pansexual Koala originally from Australia. PAN-PAN likes bamboo tea and baking cakes!
Bibee the Elephant
Bibee is a bisexual elephant originally from India. Bibee likes peanuts, papayas and shiatsu massages!
Queerie the Sheep
Queerie is a genderqueer sheep originally from Scotland. Queerie likes football and edible glitter on toast.
Gaylen the Penguin
Gaylen is a gay penguin originally from Antartica. Gaylen likes ice lollies, basketball and homemade sushi.
Enby the Dolphin
Enby is a non-binary dolphin originally from the Canary Islands. Enby likes beach parties and potato tortillas.
Transnart the Lion
Transnart is a trans Lion originally from Africa. Transnart loves veggies and word plays – just read the name backwards!
Polly the Monkey
Polly is a polysexual monkey originally from Indonesia. Polly likes magic tricks, tofu and board games.
Lesbey the Cat
Lesbey is a lesbian cat originally from Greece. Lesbey likes clams, moussaka and doing yoga.
Proudah the Zebra
Proudah is a PROUD zebra originally from South Africa. Proudah likes protecting the community by giving back kicks to those who threaten our rights!
2. How will you be celebrating pride at home?
London Pride was supposed to be in late June and the famous Brighton Pride early August. So since neither are happening we plan to Celebrate from the start of June all the way to the end of August in any way we can! Seems fair, no?
We are planning virtual house parties with friends and of course we will be available on our social media for anyone who needs the company! Other than that we will be busy promoting our pins, getting them ready and shipping them to all our wonderful backers!
They should arrive just in time for August and we will be encouraging people to upload photos of themselves wearing our pins on instagram and use #wedrevo so we can all come together through the power of social media! Additionally, we will be sharing all photos to our Instagram stories!!
Oh and we will probably spend every day covered in glitter. We love glitter.
3. Obviously you are pro pet couture, but what other accessories do you like?
If the animals are happy, safe and feeling fabulous we are all for pet couture! Bibee the Elephant for example loves trunk tucking and even before coronavirus you’d usually see Bibee wearing patterned scarves! (Especially designer ones… Bibee is a big diva). Then there’s Lesbey, Lesbey loves little kitty hats and pussy bows. Transnart loves mane accessories… Polly loves waistcoats… they all really do love dressing up!
4. What’s your favourite sandwich?
An LGBTQ, of course! Seriously! Lettuce, guac, beans, tomatoes and queso make for a delicious filling! Preferably on sourdough rye or wrapped in a corn tortilla.
5. If your business had a mission statement, what would it be?
The wedding industry is outdated and exclusionary, it no longer speaks to the younger generations. WEDREVO is here to change this with inclusive products, unique services and revolutionary planning tools.
Our shop is opening June 2020 with more features and products to be added later this year. Our blog is already live! To learn more about our mission, have a look at our article Heteronormativity is most people’s secret wedding planner and it’s time we expose it
February 26, 2020
Christina – Queen of Sweden
For week 2 of LGBT History Month I talked about Christina of Sweden.
Christina was the queen of Sweden between 1632 and 1654, when she abdicated.
After the death of her father when she was six years old, Christina ascended to the throne. She did not, however, rule Sweden until she was eighteen. Her mother had mental health issues and so she was cared for by an aunt, and after her death a number or governesses.
When she took power proper in 1644 Christina focused on making Sweden more cultured, encouraging philosophers to come to Sweden, including Descartes.
Christina showed little interest in marriage, and she dressed rode and fought like a man. Her ‘favourite’ friend, Ebba Sparre shared a bed with her, and they exchanged letters even when Christina left Sweden. This relationship was deemed so important that even in the 1933 biographical film of the queen; Queen Christina – Greta Garbo kisses Ebba, and though the relationship is cut short by Ebba’s marriage and Christina’s fictional romance with a man, the acknowledgment with the film says a lot. The 2015 film The Girl King focuses a lot more on this relationship, and even goes as far as to suggest that Ebba’s marriage was why Christina left Sweden.
It was, in fact her conversion to Catholicism that forced her abdication. Sweden had just fought a 30 year war defending Protestantism and the queen’s conversion would have seeded too much discord.
She continued her adventures across Europe, fighting for oppressed people and still championing the arts long after she abdicated the throne, and is one of only three women to be buried in the Vatican.
You can find out more about her in the sources I have listed below.
Sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christi...
February 5, 2020
LGBT History Month
February is LGBT History month, so every week in February I am using my various human forms to talk about a small part of LGBTQ+ history. I thought I would also collate what I’m writing here on Newsnibbles so those of you to whom I still remain a mystery could have access to some important history.
“What’s LGBT history?” You say. “Never heard of it.” Well, that’s the point of the month. To give a voice to voices that have previously been erased from history. It doesn’t mean it didn’t exist, it means the narrative has been distorted to erase certain groups of people and control the way society is viewed.
Feminists have spent the last fifty years or so “rediscovering” women from history who had been erased. I wrote my Masters’ dissertation on a playwright who was the most prolific of the Eighteenth Century, but no one had heard of her because she was erased from the Canon during the Victorian era.
Similarly, whilst you have probably heard of Florence Nightingale, you have probably not heard of Mary Seacole, who also supported soldiers during the Crimean war, bankrupting herself in the process. Mary Seacole was black.
This is why we have Women’s History Month in March and Black History month in October. Because history is not just white and male. It’s “herstory”, it’s “their story” and it’s time everyone’s stories were heard.
For the first week I’m going to talk about Alan Turing.
Until the 2014 film starring Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game) not many people will have heard of Alan Turring. Those who had heard of him may have first done so after he received a Royal Pardon in 2013. (i)
The pardon itself is problematic for a number of reasons, but mainly, as Ally Fogg lays out in his 2013 article for The 
Guardian a pardon implies forgiveness was required, and Turing did nothing wrong. (ii)
But I’ve jumped ahead, so let me take you back to the beginning.
Born in 1912, Alan Turing was soon identified at school as a genius. (1)
A lot of his work in computer theory and artificial intelligence (AI) preempted modern computer theory; his “Turing Machine”, developed between 1936-1938 is said to have “foreshadowed the digital computer” (2). His studies into AI and more significantly “The Turing Test” (previously known as ‘The Imitation Game’) has been said to have significantly influenced modern research on AI (3).
Turing is perhaps most famously known for his work on breaking the Enigma code during the Second World War, which is said to have reduced the war by 2 years, saving countless lives. (4).
In 1945 Turing received an OBE for his services to the country and went on to become the deputy director of the Computing Laboratory at Manchester University.
In 1952, after reporting a burglary in his home Turing was investigated for “Acts of Gross Indecency” (homosexual relationships remained illegal in the UK until 1967) and was convicted. In order to avoid prison time, Turing opted for “Chemical Castration – a hormone treatment that was supposed to suppress his sexual urges.” (5)
Two years later, in 1954 (after continued surveillance from police) Turing died of cyanide poisoning. The official coroner’s verdict was suicide, although this has been contested in recent years. (6)
References
(i) BBC Online “Royal pardon for codebreaker Alan Turing” 24th December 2013. Las accessed 5th February 2020
(ii) Fogg, Ally. “Alan Turing’s pardon is wrong | Ally Fogg | Opinion” The Guardian 24th December 2014. Last accessed 5th February 2020. (i) Royal pardon for codebreaker Alan Turing
Biography Youtube Channel. 2019 “Alan Turing | A Genius With A Complex Personal Life” Last accessed 5th Feb 2020
British Library online “Alan Turing” Last accessed 5th February 2020
British Library online “Alan Turing” Last accessed 5th February 2020
Smith, Chris. 2017 Cracking the Enigma code: How Turing’s Bombe turned the tide of WWII (last accessed 31/1/2020)
Peace, Roland. 2012 “Alan Turing: Inquest’s suicide verdict ‘not supportable’”
(last accessed 31/1/2020)
Peace, Roland. 2012 “Alan Turing: Inquest’s suicide verdict ‘not supportable’” (last accessed 31/1/2020)
January 23, 2020
CATS: A Review
I’ll admit to being a bit reticent about going to see CATS in the cinema. Honestly, I’d heard bad things, and having enjoyed the stage show so
much, I didn’t want to ruin that for myself. However, I thought it was truly excellent! I thoroughly enjoyed it and would definitely see it again.
To first of all address the general criticisms of the costumes, set etc, the costumes were how the cats are dressed for the stage performance. It was true to this. I liked the use of CGI to make their ears and tails move, I thought it was cute, and if people dressed like that in real life, I’d be more of a hugger…
Admitted, some of the set was out of proportion (or maybe the cats were, who knew), but if you can suspend your belief in reality and accept that cats are singing, dancing and using magic, you can accept that too. Get over it.
I liked the addition of a story to thread it all together a bit, I thought it was done well, all the singing was excellent and I even liked James Corden in this, so there we have it.
At one point I did wonder if Scimbleshanks was into bondage, and about the choice to put him in braces and a hat, but that’s probably my personal taste rather than any direct criticism.
The songs were excellently delivered by all and the dances were fun, overall I thought it was a great distraction. Haters are always gunna hate, but if you’re looking for a bit of fun I really enjoyed it, so why not give it a go?
I’ll go as far as giving it a solid 4 stars, in case this is the only positive review it receives and they want to quote me on the DVD box…
December 28, 2019
Beat the Post Christmas Blues with a Book!
It’s that void time between Christmas and New Year, when no-one really knows what day it is, or what’s going on, and not really sure what to do. But fear not, Newsnibbles is here to help you beat the boredom with some free or reduced books!
We asked some of our indie author friends if they were taking part in the Smashwords sale this year, and if they were, to share the links.
In the interests of full disclosure, we haven’t read them all, so are not recommending them, just sharing. So why not check out the sample, see if it tickles your fancy and pick up a bargain today?!
Free Titles
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75% Off
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50% Off
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The Smashwords sale ends January 1st, so don’t delay, snap them up today! Happy New Year, Nibblers.
December 24, 2019
7 Questions
Today’s 7 Questions are with Author and historian A. L. Lester.
A. L. Lester likes to read. Her favourite books are post-apocalyptic dystopian romances full of suspense, but a cornflake packet will do there’s nothing else available. The gender of the characters she likes to read (and write) is pretty irrelevant so long as they are strong, interesting people on a journey of some kind.
She has two and a half degrees, a BA in Archaeology and History; a MSc in Geographical Information Systems; and a few half-arsed courses as part of a Science and Science Fiction undergrad. In galaxies long ago and far away she has coded GIS, taught computing skills in the community, was a very expensive secretary and worked as an audio-visual technician. It came as a great surprise when health and safety got upset about pregnant people climbing ladders to do rigging; and so she gave all that up to breed poultry, bees, plants and children.
Now she has a chaotic family life and has become the person in the village who looks after the random animals people find in the road. She is interested in permaculture gardening and anything to do with books, reading, technology and history. She has stress-related seizures and lives in a small village in rural Somerset with Mr AL, two not-quite-teenage children and various animals and birds. She is seriously allergic to both rabbits and Minecraft and struggles to find time to write, but manages anyway, because it’s what keeps her going.
1. Tell us about your new book
Edie, a lady botanist, and Jones, a non-binary explorer, travel over the Himalayas in the 1780’s.
Jones is determined to find out what caused the unexpected death of her father whilst they were exploring ancient ruins in the Himalayas. She’s never been interested in the idea of the marriage bed, but along with a stack of books and coded journals he’s left her with the promise she’ll travel back to England for the first time since childhood and try being the lady she’s never been.
Edie and her brother are leaving soon on a journey to the Himalayas to document and collect plants for the new Kew Gardens when she befriends Miss Jones in London. She’s never left England before and is delighted to learn that the lady will be returning to the mountains she calls home at the same time they are planning their travels. When they meet again in Srinagar, Edie is surprised to find that here the Miss Jones of the London salons is ‘just Jones’ the explorer, clad in breeches and boots and unconcerned with the proprieties Edie has been brought up to respect.
A non-binary explorer and a determined botanist make the long journey over the high mountains passes to Little Tibet, collecting flowers and exploring ruins on the way. Will Jones discover the root of the mysterious deaths of her parents? Will she confide in Edie and allow her to help in the quest? It’s a trip fraught with dangers for both of them, not least those of the heart.
2. Are you a dog or a cat person?
We have one of each, but I definitely prefer the cat at the moment because he isn’t peeing on our bed.
3. Pet couture, yes or no?
No. Absolutely not. Why do you need any explanation for someone rejecting this abomination?
4. What’s your favourite sandwich?
Has to be toasted cheese-and-something. Gluten free for preference, which I accept isn’t ACTUALLY BREAD, but it’s the next best thing.
5. Who or what inspires you?
I’m not sure these days. Mostly the desire to have a nice fantasy life, maybe? I seem to like writing characters with emotional repression and subject them to lots of angst. Plus I think writing The Flowers of Time allowed me to work out some of my own gender/sexuality stuff.
I started off writing it with two side characters from a previous novel and it was going to be set in the 1920s. I read an article about plant collectors from Kew and other botanical gardens and it seemed really interesting. Plus my Mama is a professional horticulturalist who went to a Crazy Lady’s Horticultural College
in the 1950s and I grew up in a botanical sort of household.
When I began writing though, it turned out that the characters really didn’t sit in the 1920s so I changed the location and time to one I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT. This seemed a super idea the time, but it actually meant I spent ages diving down research rabbit holes and the whole thing took aeons to write.
6. If this book was an animal, what would it be?
Ferret. Twisty, pretty looking but with vicious teeth.
7. Where can we grab a copy of your new read?
I haven’t got a pre-order link for The Flowers of Time, but if you sign up for my Very Infrequent Newsletter (once a month, usually) it’ll keep you posted. https://www.subscribepage.com/allester
You can catch me on Twitter & Instagram as @CogentHippo and FB at https://www.facebook.com/ALLesterAuthor/. I interact most on Twitter.
October 15, 2019
The Duplicate Affair Chapter 2
If you haven’t read Chapter 1, you can by clicking here.
Chapter 2: Decisions
Georgia didn’t go home. She was rather concerned that this company, whatever it was had been able to find all of her details, and contact her from an app she had installed on her phone. She sat in a bar in the centre of town, staring at the screen. A notification from the app popped up.
BEAT YOUR HIGH SCORE! PLAY NOW! It said.
She swiped it away. Should she disable it? Uninstall it? Was it too late now? Was the damage already done? What if she already knew too much now? What would happen if she didn’t go back tomorrow? Would her phone explode and kill her? Don’t be silly. That wouldn’t happen, would it? Would it?
“You alright, love?” A man had joined her and she hadn’t noticed.
“What? Um… yes. Thank you.”
“In your own little world there, you was.”
“Yes, I was thinking.”
“Well, s’long as you’re alright,” he smiled pleasantly and stood up to leave, but the barman put his hand on his wrist.
“Without the lady’s handbag, if you don’t mind, mate?”
“Dunno what yer on about,” he returned.
“I didn’t have a handbag,” Georgia added. She never carried one. It’s what pockets were for.
The barman stabbed the man in the hand with something sharp, and he yelped and crumpled to the floor.
“What?” Georgia staggered backwards, and looked around. No one had even noticed what had just happened. They were all going about their business.
“Leave your phone, love,” the barman said. “And you can go.”
Georgia nodded, and continued to back away. Then she turned and bolted out of the bar and ran down the street, back in the direction she had come. She didn’t want to go home. What if they were waiting for her? She needed to go to the last place they would think to look for her? But where would that be? Her adrenaline had spiked too high to notice how breathless she was, and that she was running in blind panic back towards the office where she had had her interview.
“Woah, there!” Helen caught her as they nearly crashed. “Oh… it’s you. Do you often jog in a business suit?”
“Stay away!” Georgia shrieked, shoving her, hard and trying to run again.
“What’s happened?” Helen asked, matching her pace easily and not needing to catch her breath when she spoke.
“Leave me…” Georgia panicked, tripped on a paving stone, her ankle turned and she felt a wrench and a shooting pain. She squealed and clasped her ankle, clinging to it and panting. She couldn’t stand. Was this it?
“Relax,” Helen crouched calmly next to her. “Look at me. We’re going to focus on your breathing for a minute. Just look at me and breath. In. Out. That’s it. Breathe. Now, let me see your ankle. Just let go of it a minute. That’s right, I’m just going to feel it, see if there are any breaks.”
Georgia sighed and gave in, releasing the throbbing area and watching Helen as she examined it.
“I don’t think it’s broken,” Helen concluded. “You’ve probably done the ligaments, and that’s worse in someways. We’ll get you home, get it elevated and put some ice on it. Come on,” she helped her up. “Rest on me, my car’s not far, I’ll drop you home. Where do you live?”
“Don’t you know?”
“Ha! Why would I know?”
“The app…”
“What app?”
Helen gazed at her. “Tell me what happened,” she said finally.
“I was in a bar…” Georgia began. “This man was nice to me… but the barman stabbed him, and told me to leave my phone… and I’m sure it had something to do with the interview, and I don’t know where’s safe now!”
“I’m sure it did, too.” Helen agreed. “But not for the reasons you think. I’m going to get you back into the office, they’ll take care of you, then I’m going to get your phone. Tell me what the bar was called, please.”
If you would like to support me whilst I write this story, you can by buying me a coffee!
The Duplicate Affair
Written by C H Clepitt
Copyright Claire Evans 2019.
This is a work of fiction. All persons, places and events are products of the author’s imagination. Any similarities to persons, living or deceased, places of business or residence or actual events is purely coincidental.
October 11, 2019
Another Belter from Claire Buss
When friend of Newsnibbles and regular visitor Claire Buss asked us to host the press release for her latest book The Gaia Solution we were of course delighted. Speaking to one of our interns she said:
In this time of doom and gloom with dystopian novels full of bleakness, The Gaia Collection is different – offering you a glimpse of a potential future where there is still hope. If you enjoy stories with family and heart, of the good guys winning in the end and if you believe a little hope goes a long way, then you’ll love The Gaia Solution.
The Gaia Solution , book 3 of The Gaia Collection
AVAILABLE ON KINDLE PREORDER – mybook.to/gaiasolution
Releases 8 th November 2019 in paperback & ebook
The Blurb:
Kira, Jed and their friends have fled New Corporation and joined the Resistance, but their relief is short-lived as they discover how decimated the human race has become and learn of an environmental crisis that threatens to destroy their existence. Kira and Jed must travel up the mountain to the New Corporation stronghold, City 50, to bargain for sanctuary while Martha and Dina risk everything to return to City 42 and save those who are left. With the last of her reserves Gaia, the fading spirit of the Earth uses her remaining influence to guide Kira and her friends but ultimately, it’s up to humanity to make the right choice.
More about The Gaia Collection series
The Gaia Collection is Claire’s hopeful dystopian trilogy set 200 years in the future after much of the planet and the human race have been decimated during The Event, when the world went to war with high-energy radiation weapons. In The Gaia Effect, Kira and Jed Jenkins – a young couple who were recently allocated a child – together with their closest friends, discover Corporation have been deliberately lying to them and forcing them to remain sterile. With help from Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, the group of friends begin to fight back against Corporation eventually winning and taking over the governance of City 42.
In The Gaia Project, Corporation fight back under a new, more terrifying organization called New Corp and Kira, Jed and their friends end up fleeing for their lives trying to find a safe place to live. They travel to City 36 and City 9 in vain and must go further afield.
In the final book, The Gaia Solution, the main characters have ended up with the Resistance and not only do they have to deal with surviving against New Corp but an extinction environmental event is looming on the horizon and they’re running out of time to save what’s left of the human race.
Book Buy Links
The Gaia Effect – mybook.to/gaiaeffect
The Gaia Project – mybook.to/gaiaproject
The Gaia Solution – mybook.to/gaiasolution
What Readers Say
Praise for The Gaia Effect, winner of the 2017 Raven Award for best sci-fi/fantasy book
‘A story filled with emotion, angst & hope’
‘Brilliant post-apocalyptic science fantasy’
‘Wonderfully written, with a warm friendship at its heart’
‘A fantastic debut novel’
Praise for The Gaia Project
‘A fantastic read from start to end’
‘Great book, thought-provoking read’
‘Mums are the heroes of the story and it’s the relationships that make it all work’
About the Author
Claire Buss is a multi-genre author and poet based in the UK. She wanted to be Lois Lane when she grew up but work experience at her local paper was eye-opening. Instead, Claire went on to work in a variety of admin roles for over a decade but never felt quite at home. An avid reader, baker and Pinterest addict Claire won second place in the Barking and Dagenham Pen to Print writing competition in 2015 with her debut novel, The Gaia Effect, setting her writing career in motion. She continues to write passionately and is hopelessly addicted to cake.
Social Media Links
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/busswriter
FB Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/BussBookStop
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/grasshopper2407
Website: http://www.cbvisions.weebly.com
October 7, 2019
The Duplicate Affair
Georgia examined her cuticles critically. There was a loose bit of skin at the top of her index finger. She knew that if she tried to pull it off she would end up bleeding all over her interview suit and possibly her interviewer when they went to shake her hand, but it just looked so… messy. She contemplated chewing it off. A shadow falling over her interrupted her ruminations.
“You alright, there?” A woman’s voice made her look up. She was slim and athletic, wearing a business suit and a curious, slightly amused expression.
“Um, yes, thank you…” Georgia managed, though her mouth was incredibly dry. Interviews made her nervous.
“What time did they tell you to be here?” the woman asked. There was an abruptness to her tone that was off putting.
“Ten…” Georgia managed.
The woman turned and looked at the clock on the wall along the whitewashed corridor. It was ten twenty-five. “It’s a power game.” She pulled a packet of gum out of her pocket and offered it. “Chew, you’ll sound less nervous. Don’t show weakness, it’s what they want. Do you know why you’re here?”
“Admin,” Georgia took a square of gum and began to chew. She felt calmer as her mouth became more lubricated. She smiled. This did help. “I had a letter saying they’d found my C.V. online and wanted to interview me. It seemed odd, I hadn’t updated my C.V. on any job sites since graduation, but I searched, and I mean, it seems legit here…” she suddenly felt awkward. It was a proper building. She’d been met by a receptionist and shown to this seat in this corridor. This odd, abrupt woman clearly worked here. That was a stupid thing to say.
“What do you do at the moment?” the woman asked. She clearly didn’t think there was anything odd in what Georgia had just said.
“I’ve just been made redundant, actually,” Georgia admitted. “I was doing admin and social media management for a charity, but you know austerity, it hits the charities first…”
“How long after did you get the letter?”
“Within a week, actually,” Georgia admitted. These questions were making her incredibly suspicious. What the hell was this company, anyway. The website had said “Solutions based management” – she’d assumed content management, but now… “I’d wanted to take some time out, maybe just rest, but I thought it was best not to turn down…” she trailed off.
“Pay’s good, isn’t it?” The woman observed.
“Helen,” a short rotund man appeared from one of the doors along the corridor. The shirt of his business suit gaped at the gut, and the strain on the buttons every time he breathed was obvious. Georgia was glad she was wearing her glasses, or else a button leaping for freedom might have taken her eye out.
“Leonard,” the woman acknowledged equally curtly.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“Not at present. I’m waiting for Kris to come back to me on the eccles cake thing.”
“That was a hint.”
“I know, I chose to ignore it.”
“Right you are. Um…” he held out a sweaty hand to Georgina. “Leonard Porter, sorry to keep you waiting.”
“He’s not,” Helen smiled.
“That’s alright,” Georgia fought against the smirk that was trying to appear on her face as she took his clammy hand. “I’m Georgia, thank you for seeing me.”
“This way, please,” he indicated that she should walk in front of him through the open doorway of the room he’d come from.
“Don’t let them intimidate you,” Helen called after her. “If he didn’t want you, you wouldn’t be here.”
Leonard was visibly flustered when he shut the door to the interview room. Actually, it looked more like an interrogation room, a single, metal table in the middle, one chair on the side, and one at either end. There was a woman in her late fifties standing in the corner of the room. She had on an ill fitting suit and black horn rimmed glasses that made her look like a suspicious librarian. Georgia half expected to be shushed.
“Please, have a seat,” Leonard indicated the table and chairs.
Georgia chose the chair on the end. This seemed to pass the first test and Leonard and the woman nodded approvingly to one another before taking their respective seats.
“So, you know we’re interested in you,” he said, resting his podgy hands on the tabletop. “We wouldn’t have asked you here if we weren’t, so we’re going to tell you a little bit about what we do, then let you ask some questions, sound alright?”
Georgia nodded.
“So, as you probably know, we find out of the box solutions to problems. Our main contracts are government, but we do have freelance contracts too. Don’t worry, we’re very careful to ensure the two don’t overlap.” He laughed uncertainly. “The main reason we want you is analysis,” he continued. “You wouldn’t be in the field, you’d be analysing data and reporting to Moira,” he indicated the woman.
“But, I work with social media management,” Georgia began awkwardly. She didn’t even know if she wanted the job, or exactly what the job was…
“But you play FUXXLE.” Moira spoke for the first time.
“Yes…” Georgia blinked.
“We developed that app to help us search out potential candidates. Your problem solving abilities are off the charts. You almost cleared it. Our top people can’t even do that.”
“You developed…”
“Well, I can see this is all a bit much for you,” Leonard said cheerily. “Let’s call it a day on this one. Go home, have a think, and if you want to know more, come back here at 10am tomorrow, we’ll talk some more.” He held out his hand for her to shake.
“Um, OK?” Georgia shook his hand weakly.
“Thanks for coming in.”
“No problem…”
Moira shook her hand too. “I’ll show you to the front door.”
“Thanks.”
If you would like to support me whilst I write this story, you can by buying me a coffee!
The Duplicate Affair
Written by C H Clepitt
Copyright Claire Evans 2019.
This is a work of fiction. All persons, places and events are products of the author’s imagination. Any similarities to persons, living or deceased, places of business or residence or actual events is purely coincidental.
