C.H. Clepitt's Blog, page 17
May 1, 2018
Monday Mystery Mime
So, anyway. It’s that time of the week again, where our friends at Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime for your guessing pleasure. If you want to be in with a chance of having the mime of your choice performed, make sure you get your guess into the comments by Friday. That’s it.
Congratulations to last week’s winners: Bill Weber, Janet Martin, Ned Buravotich, Melissa Spors Hubbard, Paul Uhler, Michele Morrison, Sarah Venus and Abbey L Craig, who all won with bird taking first flight.
April 29, 2018
Badger’s Book Reviews
I loved this story so much. It felt like peering in on someone’s real
family. The characters are brilliantly drawn, and the tone of the narration carries a subtle humour throughout that makes fun of the characters the way best friends might make fun of one another. It could be easy to become frustrated with the characters, a lot of whom need a slap(!), but for the fondness the author clearly has for her characters, which makes you fond of them too.
What I think I liked most was the fact that they all had a history, which was layered as to make them all three dimensional, interesting people, and I finished the story wanting to know much more – maybe a story set earlier…?
For real characters, emotions and humour, as well as a happy ending, this gets 9/10 or 5/5.
The Goldfish Bowl by Tim Walker
This short story was free because I signed up to the author’s mailing list, and I’m glad I did. It was not at all what I expected, with really interesting twists and turns. The characters were more like stereotypes than fully rounded characters, which is perhaps to be expected in order to get the point across in a short story, but the plot was something quite different, and I enjoyed it for that.
I liked that I didn’t really know how it was going to pan out, and the twists, but again, probably due to the length, I didn’t really get to know the characters well enough to care about them. I also found myself wondering how an overweight middleaged man in a jogging suit could have teenage fans. Surely his fans would be middleaged business people who had aged with him, but, eh…
Anyway, for something a bit different, and not my usual read, this gets 6/10 or 3/5.
The Silver Feather by Joanne van Leerdam
A very dark and creepy read that had me on the edge of my seat. It 
was also short, and I read it in around 45 minutes. For such a short story the suspense was built really well, and a powerful level of emotion presented quickly and effectively. I did not see the ending coming at all, which I always enjoy.
My one criticism would be that the “monster” was a hag, which I feel is a bit cliched and overdone. Ugly doesn’t necessarily mean bad, and it’s a stereotype we shouldn’t be perpetuating. That said, the novel was horror, and horror has certain tropes, so I’m willing to let it slide!
For a creepy read that you can get through on your lunch break (if you dare) this gets 8/10 or 4/5.
The Blue Serpent & Other Tales by Claire Buss.
I like Claire Buss’s writing, as you may have guessed from my review of The Rose Thief, so when I was asked to review this compilation of flash fictions of course I jumped at the chance. Flash fictions are notoriously short, but Buss manages to create thought provoking and insightful stories that have you asking questions of your life.
I was amazed by how much I enjoyed this collection, some stories made me go eeek, some made me go eurgh, and some just hit a little bit too close to home, but none disappointed. If you like Black Mirror you’ll like this.
For flashes of genius, this gets 10/10 or 5/5.
April 28, 2018
Curtain Call Press Release
Curtain Call, by C H Clepitt
Blurb:
C H Clepitt has a knack for creating real, relatable characters, who face adversity with humour and humanity, and Curtain Call is no exception.
“Possibly the best thing I’ve read by C H Clepitt so far.” – Murray McLean
When an assistant to the director role turns into P.A. to her favourite film star, Jen can’t believe her luck. Eleanor Francis is charming, kind and funny, but she has a secret, and when tragedy strikes, things threaten to unravel at an uncontrollable pace. Despite being out of her depth Jen has to adapt to her new role quickly, to protect Eleanor, with whom she is rapidly falling in love.
This is a sweet, understated story that will have you laughing and crying in equal measure. If you’ve enjoyed C H Clepitt’s other books then this is not to be missed.
Release Date: 6th May 2018
Reviews:
“The story is very well written and flows nicely… I would love to read more about the two main characters in future books.” – Simon Leonard – Black Books Blog
“Love blossoms in an unexpected place in this emotional short story. A change of direction for Clepitt but delicately written and heartfelt.” – Claire Buss – Author of The Rose Thief and other novels.
“The story’s optimism that makes it such a joy to read and leaves one feeling there must be hope after all.” A.M. Leibowitz – Author of Keeping the Faith and other novels.
Preorder Link:
Kindle: relinks.me/B07CKFLYW6
Get in touch via chclepitt.com to order paper
A Word from the Author
This started as a short story, prompted by an anthology call by friend and colleague A.M. Leibowitz. I was at the maximum word limit, and felt the characters still had more to say, so, when it turned out my submission was 4 times longer than all of the other submissions, I withdrew it, expanded it and this novella was born. I am really proud of what I have achieved here, and think it might be some of my best writing to date. I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
April 23, 2018
Monday Mystery Mime
It’s that time of the week again, where our friends Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime for your guessing pleasure. Should you guess correctly, Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing.
Due to connectivity issues, we had to post last week’s mime on our Facebook page, so if you are interested in seeing that one and finding out who correctly guessed, then click here.
And we would like to give a particular shout out to Ted, who had a guess. It really is the taking part that counts, so have a go again this week and see how you get on.
The clue this week is “something that happens in spring”. Good luck, Nibblers.
April 20, 2018
Badgers are Angry!
You may have spotted in the news this week that Craignethan Castle in Scotland was forced to close off a part of its tunnels due to the presence of a ‘very angry badger’. You can read the full scoop in The Independent.
It seems that the badger became lost, and has taken up refuge in the tunnels of the 16th Century structure, and in reticent to emerge. According to the report, staff have been trying to coax it out with cat food and honey. Clearly this badger don’t give a… ahem…
The report goes on to state that “It did not elaborate on why the badger was angry”, but we here at Newsnibbles know that badgers are angry for a reason. Once more we reached out to our source in BAG (Badgers Against Guns) for a comment. They told us:
Whilst it would be inappropriate to comment on this particular badger’s emotional state, I can tell you that badgers are angry. Damn angry. Despite no scientific evidence, and a failure to reduce bovine TB thus far, the current government insists on pushing forward with this cruel and pointless cull. You’d be angry if farmers were given a license to shoot you, when they should be looking at vaccinating their cattle. It’s a very difficult time to be a badger.
Perhaps the situation in Scotland is the start of a badger rebellion. One thing’s for certain, unless the badgers are brought to the negotiating table, no caste is safe. Of course, here at Newsnibbles we will be following the story with interest, so make sure you stay up to date with our latest posts.
April 9, 2018
Monday Mystery Mime
It’s that time of the week again, where our friends at Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime for you to guess. Pop your answer in the comments before Friday, and if you’re right, or close enough, Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing.
Last week’s mime was an egg being cracked open. Mairi Sim was the closest as she guessed egg being beaten-the only person to guess an egg, so she gets the mime of her choosing performed. Well done.
This weeks clue is: something you can eat which possibly predates time…
April 8, 2018
The Grumpy Badger Guide to Book Covers
Foreword (by C H Clepitt).
Those of you who follow me across social media will know that recently one of my book covers was put up on a website and labeled “bad refrigerator art”. A lot of *coughs* well meaning people commented on what a shame it was that what looked like a good story was marred by such a bad cover. I am not particularly bothered by these *coughs*… er people, because they don’t ‘get’ what I’m trying to achieve with my covers, which is a consistent recognisable brand. You know my covers as soon as you see them, and anyone who is not a *coughs* ‘professional’ (read actual potential customers) thinks they are really fun, which they are.
However, some more well meaning folks suggested that if people don’t like my covers, I should change them, and as I always give in to peer pressure, I thought, what does sell? Answer, torsos. So, I have teamed up once more with fellow author A.M. Leibowitz to create new, improved covers and blurbs for not only our books, but some classics whose covers are quite frankly, below parr.
Now, let us begin:
I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse: Tyrone Torso Edition
Tyrone takes his shirt off at one point towards the end, the author is capitalising on this.
Step into a sexy post apocalyptic world, where danger leads to bisexuality and sexy kissings of multiple genders. There is also a badger and possibly zombies, but no-one kisses them.
New blurb:
The apocalypse, danger, badgers, but who can you trust? Follow our hapless heroine as she experiments her way through the apocalypse, with sexy, yet terrifying consequences!
To see how much better this is than the original, visit the book’s Amazon page.
Lower Education: Phin Torso Edition
A.M. Leibowitz and I have worked together on several projects, so they have accepted this constructive criticism of their current cover as clearly having too many clothes in it. Please keep in mind that if you don’t know the author, your negative thoughts are probably best kept to yourself…
Now, the main point when thinking about adding a torso to your cover is, does your book contain a man? You don’t want to deceive your reader. Fortunately, a quick look at the blurb tells me that there are a number of men in this story, so we’re golden. Next we have to draw our torso loving reading in with a good blurb. The current one is frankly, too wordy.
New blurb:
Phin is boring and he knows it. One last job, then he’ll get a life, maybe, but will this job lead to the man of his dreams? Read this steamy story to find out!
To see how much better this is than the original, visit the book’s Amazon page.
Pride and Prejudice: Darcy Torso Edition
Jane Austen knew it, that’s why she told Colin Firth to dive into that lake, then step… out….
There are so many men in this book, torso is surely the next logical step in its cover arc. It will open it up to a whole new generation of readers who have yet to see the BBC version…
New Blurb:
Lizzie is a modern girl in a world that’s failing to catch up. She must get married or die a spinster with a ‘tude. She has all but given up hope when not one, but two sexy beaus enter her life, but how will she choose between the down on his luck soldier and the proud, incredibly rich Lord of the Manor? Er… they managed to flesh this out for how many words?!
See how much better this is than others by visiting the book’s Amazon page…
The Book of Abisan: Torius Torso Edition
Torius gets changed at one point, revealing that he has a tattooed torso, and we think this is the money spinner for the entire book.
This book is mostly about kick ass women, fighting the patriarchy, but where you have patriarchy you have torsos, so don’t be disappointed. There is also a hairy soldier who takes his shirt off at one point, but no actual kissing in this one, maybe next time, folks.
New Blurb:
Enter a world where women are tough and men are super manly, occasionally hairy, and there’s swords, lots of swords. Not as much nudity as Game of Thrones, but as you can see from the cover, we have torsos…
See how much better this is than the original by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
Pink in the Mirror: Random Torso Edition
OK, so, this one is more tough. It’s lesbians, so torsos are more hard to come by. Still, there is a polite young man, and as most young men know, it’s only polite to remove one’s shirt when asked, so let’s go with that…
This seems to be mainly about girls and cars, so the torso is fairly tenuous, but we have a torso cover, so we still need to draw in our torso loving reader with a good blurb!
New blurb:
Girls, grease and cars, what more could a polite young man want? But when it turns out your girlfriend prefers girls, can your torso save the day? Spoiler… no.
See how much better this was than the original by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
Moby Dick: Torso Edition
They’re on a boat, right? They’re gunna get wet, so shirts will have to come off. Let’s breathe some life into the old sea dog.
So, sure, it’s about some bloke who goes nuts whilst hunting a whale, but who doesn’t love a whale hunt, made all the sexier by this torso on the cover? And check out the size of his harpoon! If you were on the fence about buying this one, the torso edition has sealed the deal.
New, improved blurb:
Size matters when it comes to Whales, and Ahab has a point to prove. The one that got away is the one that will make or break him. He’s on a mission, but will Moby Dick be his downfall?
See how much better this is than the original by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
Life Begins at 48: Tim Torso Edition
Tim never actually removes his clothes in this cozy romance series of shorts, but working under the assumption that he must wash occasionally before leaving the house, we’ve taken some creative license with these covers.
A series of 3 short stories about a woman who has to take care of her mother after a stroke, and meets a very nice vicar. The vicar is a man, and where there are men there are bound to be torsos…
New Blurb:
Getting sacked leads to love for Linda, who proves getting old doesn’t mean you can’t still get it on, in this sensual series of shorts.*
See how much of an improvement this is by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
*Disclaimer in tiny print: There is no actually sex in this story.
Anthem: Trevor Torso Edition
And we’re back to men and easy access torsos. We have definite MM one night stand going on here, so we could even have two torsos, but we don’t want to overdo things.
The main problem with the current blurb is that it’s just too angsty to draw in your average torso fan. No-one cares about personal demons or finding yourself, or they might, but they don’t think they do, and won’t buy a book based on that, so, we need to reblurb immediately.
New blurb:
Trevor thinks his steamy one night stand with a musician is just that, until a song gets written about the experience. Now Trevor needs to decide if he wants to fight for the man of his dreams, or share him with his girlfriend. From the co-author of “Can’t Help Lovin’ the Lizard” comes this latest sexy story.
See how much better this is than the original by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
Of Mice and Men: Torso Edition
If Steinbeck knew then, what we know now, he’d have put a torso on it too.
This book contains many men. And mice. Farm hands get hot, so they take their shirts off, thus, torsos. It’s not even tenuous here. So, we have two torsos, (Lenny and George, obvs), a bale of hay (because, farm) and a mouse. Not a dead mouse, because that’s just sad, and let’s face it, if people knew what actually happened they wouldn’t read this one.
New Blurb:
Drifters George and Lenny find work on a farm, where the men are men and the women are sexy and no-one at all is killed.*
See how much better this is than the original by visiting the book’s Amazon page.
*Disclaimer in really small print: Almost everyone is killed…
Do you need a torso edition?
Is your book a bit blah? Have sales been a bit slow? Submit it to us in the comments and we’ll sort it out with a sexy torso cover and new blurb. Seeing your sexy new torso cover on our blogs may increase your sales, you never know…
April 3, 2018
Monday Mystery Mime
It’s that time of the week again, where our friends at Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime for your guessing pleasure. Put your answers in the comments, and if you guess correctly before Friday, Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing.
And a huge well done to last week’s winners, Janet Martin and Paul Uhler. The answer was blade of grass being mown down by a lawn mower.
The clue for this week is “the holiday weekend.” Go on, have a go!
March 29, 2018
Join the Easter Egg Hunt – Win Books!
Do you like to read? Do you like FREE books? Come join the Sparkly Badgers Easter Egg Hunt on Facebook. All you have to do is stop over on the event page, we give you the first website, and off you go. Look for an egg on each website that links to the next one in line. Collect the letters and unscramble the anagram. Then tell us the answer to be entered in for a chance to win 15 eBooks from some eggtastic indie authors.
Be sure to follow all the authors on Twitter so you can keep up with all their latest news and adventures in writing:
Margena Holmes
Maria Riegger
Debbie McGowan
Nicole DragonBeck
AM Leibowitz
Joanne Van Leerdam
Terry Poole
Chloe Hammond
Lyra Shanti
Joyce Hertzoff
J Crawford Steel
Angelique Anderson
C H Clepitt
Please note, this post has been shamelessly stolen from Altered Instinct, so pop over and give them some love!
March 27, 2018
Monday Mystery Mime
It’s that time of the week again, where our friends at Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime. Post your guesses in the comments, go on, have a go.
And congratulations to last week’s winner: Hamish Dean, who all correctly guessed umbrella being turned upside down and inside out during strong winds and rain.
Can you guess what this one is?
