Leandra Medine's Blog, page 628

Get Campfire Hair Without the Campfire Hair-Smell

Somewhere between the black tie pony tail, an avocado toast hair mask and a recent tutorial on beach waves for people who aren’t oceans, I’ve become something of an expert on how to style that which grows from our heads.

And by expert, I mean: I see something that looks cool, stare at it long enough until the technicalities make sense and then try to replicate it as easily as possible, because if there’s one thing we do not have, it’s weirdly flexible arms. Or time.

Today’s quick tip is brought to you by Rosie Assoulin Resort. Look closely at the images of her models’ hair and you’ll notice single beads floating mid-tress. It’s equal parts tropical island local, Bo Derek, discreet hippie, and summer camp.

I like it because it’s simple. It’s the solution to wearing your hair down despite a weird pony tail crease (this will hide it) and per the most important part of summer, it’s incredibly unfussy. Allow me to demonstrate on my weird friend Leandra.

You’ll Need:

1. Floss or an equally stiff type of thread

2. A bead! (Note: the bead has to have a wide enough hold for your hair.)

3. Small, clear elastic bands.

Step 1:

Tie floss around the strands of hair that you’d like to go through the bead. (We are doing this because it turns out that sticking hair through a bead impossible.) To copy Rosie, we took a small piece from the front, and a small piece from the back to make a V shape on the side.

Step 2:

Pick up both ends of the floss and stick them through the bead. It is like putting in a teeny tiny baby tampon!

Step 3:

Pull the floss all the way though. You will feel resistance once hair meets bead, but keep pulling gently. Your hair will go, *POP!*, and then follow through.

Secure the bead with the elastic and repeat if you’re freaky.

Leave your hair down or pull it on up, but whatever you choose, be sure to start a camp fire, smack a marshmallow on a stick and sing Kumbaya off-key to your neighbor. If her bead matches, you’re bffs for life. If she doesn’t have one in, now you can teach her.

The student has become the master, and for once it’s on-purpose that you have something in your hair.

Oh wait. That’s marshmallow.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

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I Can Practice Law, but It’s Not Like I’m Getting Married, Right?

On April 27, 2015, at 4:57 PM, I, along with 3,996 others, received an email from the New York State Board of Law Examiners with information on how I fared on the February New York State Bar Exam.

“Dear Candidate,” it read, “The State Board of Law Examiners congratulates you on passing the New York State Bar Examination held on February 24-25, 2015.” The letter went on, but I immediately stopped reading after “congratulates” and cried into my parents’ arms. I passed the bar. I could be a real lawyer.

Throughout my many weeks of preparation, friends would say, “The bar exam is just a test,” but it’s not just a test. It’s a barrier in front of a job that thousands of people have spent years studying for, eradication of massive student debt, and lifelong goals. It requires isolation during months of studying and heroic stress management skills. And even after all of that preparation, 57% of exam takers failed this past February’s New York exam.

Despite the impact passing has on my career, I was tentative about celebrating my bar exam success because at my age — 27, weddings, bachelorette parties, and wedding showers still seem to be the events in women’s lives that merit the most celebration and schedule rearranging.

This suspicion was confirmed when a close friend told me she would not be able to make my bar exam celebration, a casual stop-by-when-you-can-happy-hour, because she had to “prepare” for another friend’s wedding shower the following day. Although completely unintentional on her part, much of my excitement to celebrate this next step in my life was extinguished. I passed the bar, but it’s not like I’m getting married, right?

A 2011 Catalyst Report titled “The Myth of the Ideal Worker: Does Doing All the Right Things Really Get Women Ahead?” found that the most effective strategy for woman to get ahead in the workplace was to make their achievements known, whether by ensuring their managers were aware of their accomplishments or asking for a deserved raise. The report found that this self-promotion was the only strategy associated with compensation growth for women.

But, how can women make their accomplishments known in the workplace when we’re told by those closest to us that the events we should celebrate loudly and proudly have nothing to do with our careers? It’s no wonder women downplay their career successes when the biggest parties thrown for women by women don’t center on the new promotion; they focus on the new ring or hyphenated last name.

This is not to say that engagements and weddings don’t deserve the adulation they currently receive, but they shouldn’t be the only events in a woman’s life that get special treatment. Women need to celebrate their friends’ career achievements with the same fervor and excitement that they celebrate their friends’ weddings and baby showers. We should rearrange our schedules to fit in our friend’s promotion party because the promotion is just as crucial as a marriage is to creating her happy, fulfilling life.

So buy that bottle of champagne for your friend’s engagement, yes, but if she gets placed into her first choice medical residency program, send flowers for that, too. She may have dated the guy she’s marrying for two years, but she’s been working on becoming a doctor for much, much longer.

Illustrations by Autumn Kimball

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“Core” is The New “Chic”

In 2014, at an unassuming intersection that was once defined by the separation of hardcore and softcore, a new progeny of “cores” was born. These cores fell under one unified umbrella that facilitated a conversation that was deeply influenced by fashion but on the brink of exhaustion.

Where women once relied on the matriarch of umbrella words like “chic” to describe, frankly, everything (as in, “that is everything; it’s everything-chic”), “core” provided new hope. And you know what they say about hope, right? If you could bottle and sell it, the drug industry would fold in 140 characters or less.

The movement was heralded by the mother hen of cores — “normcore” — a term largely popularized due to a story that was published in New York Magazine to depict “normal style” so unaware of itself that it seems like an assault to even commodify it with “style.” And under its establishment, offshoots began sprouting like chia seeds in health food shops scattered across New York City.

Imagine the scenario: you come across a girl looking a lot like one of the models Thom Browne sent down his Fall runway. Do you call it “all-black chic”? No. You go for #funeralcore. You add a hashtag, too, because it’s 2015 and that’s how we communicate.

You’re wearing a pair of light wash vintage Levi’s, right? And you think to yourself, self, I wish I had a straw top to pair this with. And! A matching hat. Lo and behold, both items become available and upon first glance at your reflection, you see an elevated agriculturist. Now you’re confronted with the issue of self-description. Do you identify yourself as farmer-chic or farmcore? Given the novelty tethered to the latter item, I’m putting my hay on #farmcore.

That the ancillary word is swooping in and superseding “chic” seems like quite a coup. Here, after all, we’ve spent the greater half of existence watching the humdrum of our lives become poised by “chic.” (What is an Altuzarra pencil skirt if not office-chic?) So, the question really might be: does core have staying power? Is the embryonic phenomenon better described as on the brink of phenomena actually on a brink, or is it simply falling victim to a similar ilk of celebrity death-match? Will chic come out on top the way it has historically, or will core, like Jay Z, demand that it watch its throne?

Personally, I think that’s up to us. All in favor of core, say, “Today I’m dressed [insert theme here]-core.” And those on the side of chic?

Not to be an asshole, but go home and eat an apple.

Shot by Krista Anna Lewis

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Tamu McPherson Makes the Case for a Week of Flat Shoes

One good way to tell Monday to go to hell: gather fruits and vegetables and say, “Go to hell!” Or at least that’s what Tamu McPherson, exceptional street style photographer and simultaneous bait recommends. Without saying it, she also suggests that a week worth living is one spent in flats — that a bomber is only as good as the skirt with which you wear it and perhaps most acutely, that in order to fall into your, let’s call it, “style groove,” you don’t have to favor pants over shorts, sneakers or sandals, separates over dresses — you can love them all and wear them all and still look so very distinctly, “you.”

Monday

Bringing in our weekly fruit and veggie delivery in an Equipment shirt, MIH Jeans, and Birkenstocks. This is my essential Monday look, when I lock myself in my office and tell Monday to go to hell!

Tuesday

Outside the Scala, on my way to a meeting. I’m a big fan of trousers with a twist — literally, in the case of these ones by J.W. Anderson. They are my go-to for days… I update the outfit with a tuxedo shirt when the sun goes down. But during the day I stick to a white tee, flats like Birkenstocks, Acne Studios sunnies, and a favorite Paula Cademartori bag.

Wednesday

Heading out for a work aperitivo. I love to mix-n-match prints, and this Sacai Luck jacket and Ellery skirt spoke to me as I browsed my closet before getting dressed. Birkenstock trainers keep the look sporty as I never know how late the evening will go. Usually our aperitivos transition to dinner and sometimes long walks home (with my designated party mate Viviana Volpicella who live in my neighborhood). I’m having a moment with my Hermès bag, an old treasure that I bring out every so often.

Thursday

On my way to CA&LOU dinner. I love Isa Arfen’s line and fell for this dress when I stopped by her presentation. I’m fully enjoying it paired with a Paula Cademartori mini-handbag, CA&LOU earrings and Tibi mules.

Friday

Meeting a friend for lunch in four of my favorite Spring/Summer 2015 pieces: Stella McCartney top, Zara ribbed trousers, Prada clogs, Hermès bag. Living in these pieces and clocking in some real outfit mileage!

Saturday

On my way to my son’s school play. He nailed his lines! So proud!

Acne Studios bomber jacket, COS t-shirt, Céline sunglasses and accordion skirt, Hermès bag and Birkenstock white trainers.

Follow Tamu on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest! Don’t forget to check out her website All the Pretty Birds too!

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How Does Kissing Work?

My first kiss was in the corner of my kindergarten classroom during cleanup. At five years old, I knew how to command a group of guys with a force I haven’t mastered since. On a good day, I had six or so devoted boyfriends trailing in the shadow of my basketball-sized scrunchie. I took off my shirt when I didn’t feel like wearing it and I loved to race the length of the Big Kids track.

It was after arts and crafts that Justin strode up and kissed me right on the mouth. He promptly turned on his heels and marched toward his cubby to gather his things to go home. He was wearing a navy turtleneck tucked into his sweatpants. Twelve years later, he would be a high school football god, 6’4″ with freckled brown skin and blue-green eyes.

Whenever I saw him swagger through our mint-colored hallways, I wondered if I was the only one who remembered; if maybe his first kiss was during a middle school dance and maybe a kiss in kindergarten isn’t real, and maybe the only reason I always say this was my first kiss is because I didn’t kiss someone again until I was sixteen.

Maybe my first kiss was with Doug as he walked me home in the violet dusk the summer of sophomore year. Maybe my first kiss was with Noah on the beer-soaked floor of a senior house as a freshman in college. Maybe my first kiss was with Chris on a soccer field in the warmth of early fall; maybe it was on Sidney’s bed when I tried to find his tongue with mine and couldn’t.

Maybe my first kiss was with Will. We fell into each other fast. Sitting next to him, I couldn’t remember how to hold my body. I moved like a marionette, arms stiff, eyes unblinking, for fear that any trace of normalcy might give away how badly I wanted to put my mouth on his mouth.

Before you ever kiss someone, you think: but how will it even work? And then you kiss someone and it’s easy and you come to understand that the pleasure receptors in the skin of your lips do most of the hard work. That nervousness, that excitement, is bundled up in your brain.

We consider the first kiss to be a rite of passage, but maybe it’s better described as a work in progress. I like to imagine every kiss that changes me — moves me closer toward someone else, or to myself — as a first kiss of sorts. The awkwardness is there; the hope is there. And every time, a little flash of that pre-first-kiss feeling: but how?

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MR Round Table: Free to Be You and Me

Courtney Act: My name is Courtney Act, and I am a singer. I am a male-bodied person, although sometimes I am a boy and sometimes I am a girl. I was just reading an article on Ruby Rose of Orange is the New Black — she was using the term “Gender-Fluid.” Then I saw Miley [Cyrus] tweeting that she was “Gender-Expansive.” I liked that term.

I’ve just been having fun this last year, really discovering the gray area and not needing to fit into a box. It’s been a really interesting year for me — I’m still the same person, but before I was really trying to agree with what people considered me: a boy who dresses in drag as a job.

I like living as both a boy and a girl. I could have been a police man if I wanted a uniform, but I chose to dress like Taylor Swift meets The Coven today. I love getting to dress up. It’s part of my gender expression. That must sound kind of confusing.

Amelia Diamond: Well, I think it is really confusing, which is why were are sitting down with you. There’s an Invisibilia podcast episode about how society prefers categories in order to understand the world. But like you said, there is a gray area. And I think it’s about finding the comfort in, or being okay with not quite understanding the gray area.

Courtney: Totally. If I was put it in a box, I am a boy who dresses as a girl. And that’s pretty much how I identify. In the past, I did drag as a performance. But, in the past year I became friends with Chaz Bono. He later said to me that [when we first met] he thought I was transphobic because of the way I was talking. As we spoke more, he sort of unfolded the puzzle and gave me these other ideas and concepts about gender and sexuality.

For most of my twenties I really was trying to be a man. I felt like I had to have this muscle-y body to be valued as a man in society. I struggled with that a lot — and I know it’s quite ironic, as I sit here like this. But I thought it was my masculinity that made me attractive to other guys. I had this imposition of what being a man was. But then, in talking through Chaz, I was able to let go of that. I had this real liberation.

I am still probably just as much a man as I am when I am dressed as Shane, but I now I feel a little bit more free about the whole thing. I don’t have to be a man, I can just be me.

Leandra Medine: When you are singing, you generally do so as Courtney?

Courtney: Yes.

Leandra: And do you think that speaks to anything? Is there a particular reason why you chose your female identity?

Courtney: I think I seem much more interesting when I dress up as a woman. I can have wigs and makeup and costumes and high heels, and I can have blue hair or pink hair. There really are no limitations in dressing up as a woman. Doing what I do, it goes beyond being a woman. One time, I had these giant mechanical wings.

And then growing up, I was always inspired by female performers like the Spice Girls, and Fran from The Nanny. I think it was how unashamed she was. She was this complete fish out of water, who didn’t care. She was just herself. As a male performer, there were very few other male acts who were dressing up in such a way. I guess Elton John, Scissor Sisters, even KISS to some extent, but there wasn’t that same visual freedom. But I think that really was a cultural thing, that men couldn’t be expressive as women are.

Leandra: Is your family supportive?

Courtney: Yes. They are very supportive. Which is probably why I have my attitude towards it.

When I came out as gay to them, and that I did drag — I did that together. We were at dinner, and I had texted that day. We’d actually tried to talk about it the night before, but that didn’t work, so I went home and sat and drank a bottle of wine and watched Touched by an Angel on TV. As an 18-year-old, I was very scared about the whole idea of coming out to my mom and dad. And besides that, it was the year 2000, which was fifteen years ago, so things were still a bit different. I remember texting Mum — and texting was very new at this point, so I think of myself as quite progressive — “I am gay.” Send.

And she said, “That’s nice, dear, see you at dinner.” And I was like, oh, is that it? You’re not going to disown me? There was none of that. And we got to dinner that night and talked about it.

It turns out that my dad lived with six drag queens back in the seventies. And I was like, “Okay, shush for now, this is MY coming out story!”

 

Leandra: Are people surprised when they meet you as Courtney, but then find out you are transgender?

Courtney: Well, I use the term gender-queer now. I don’t use the terms transgender. Because I live as a boy and I dress as Courtney. It’s funny, because I am learning new terms everyday. And generally, gender-queer does fall under the category of transgender, according to the GLAAD website, but I think transgender oddly has almost become polarized as well, where you are assigned one sex at birth and transition to become the opposite sex — there doesn’t seem to be a lot of gray area in that. You are what you are.

Chaz actually asked me to come and speak at a group that he facilitates for young trans kids to be the spokesperson for those who didn’t feel the need to transition. I am comfortable with my own biology, I guess. I don’t feel the need to buy hormones or alter any physical parts. I am quite happy as living as a boy, and sometimes dressing as a girl or a boy.

Leandra: What did you think of Caitlyn Jenner’s transition?

Courtney: I loved the Diane Sawyer interview, I thought it was really well-done and really inspiring. And to hear then-Bruce speak so confidently and without shame, that was really great and even unusual. The Vanity Fair cover was such a big and amazing thing. It’s her glamor shots of the moment — and she is completely entitled to those.

It did, though, turn the story into something less about the journey and more about her looks. Like, “Wow, doesn’t Caitlyn look good!” It still played into pop culture’s ideas about beauty standards and showed how much scrutiny women are under in terms of appearance and in terms of comparing themselves to other women. But I think she is a great person to be an activist. I think that only good will come of it.

I was in Sydney for Pride this year — it’s called Mardi Gras in Sydney, actually — and there were these two trans-women who did not fit into society’s ideal of beauty, they were clearly just people who wanted to live this way because it’s how they felt. They were transgender, but they didn’t necessarily “pass” as women. That term, “pass,” essentially means you are able to live unnoticed as a woman in society — and these women did not pass, but they were still so happy. Happy to be there, very comfortable. It was just really inspiring to speak to people who were comfortable to be nothing but themselves.

Caitlyn Jenner is a trailblazer. Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, Chaz Bono — when I listen to any of them speak, they connect with the audience on a human level and transcend the fact that they are different. We realize that our similarities are greater than our differences.

Leandra: It’s very important, in general, to look at the humanity behind all of this. I think about that a lot — even in terms of my own political point of view and connecting with people who maybe do not agree with it.

Can you think of any moments where you have felt discriminated against?

Amelia: You know, I have heard there is discrimination within the gay community itself. You hear that sometimes gay men can discriminate against lesbians…

Leandra: Well, it may be considered something similar to fashion. We are community of outsiders, we are the community of art school nerds and freaks, the outcasts. And we come into our micro-world, where everyone is like us, but we still do not want to let onto the fact that everyone is different, because we are finally inside and we have to act like the cool kids. When, fundamentally, we are all seeking acceptance.

Courtney: I think that is a universal theme. When you come out as gay, you don’t instantly lose of all of your other insecurities. In the Western world, we are all brought up with very similar ideas and values, and I think that unfortunately breeds a lot of insecurity in people.

One time, I was dressed as a boy, and I was coming down the escalator, and there was this cute guy — and at the time I would say to people, “I love you!” — and I said “I love you!” to him, and he was like, “Are you some kind of faggot?”

“Yes, I guess,” I said. And then he just started going off on me! I didn’t say this to him, but I wanted to: “It’s not like I put my penis is your bum.” I literally just said “I love you.”

Amelia: Which is the nicest thing to say to someone!

Courtney: This guy had such a reaction that he got angry and aggressive and felt he had to react in such a way. And I thought, What is happening inside his mind that is making him react like this?

That’s what I always think about in instances [like this], that it has less to do with what I am feeling about the situation, and more to do with what they are feeling and what they are going through. What is going on in their lives that they feel the need to act negatively?

Amelia: What do you say to people, or young kids, asking you, “How do I cope with feeling this way?” Some people are probably experiencing what you experienced that day in the airport all the time. Maybe even from their own family.

Courtney: For me, some of the biggest teachers were books. I also recommend to keep a gratitude journal. I learned about that from Oprah.

You have to acknowledge that the bad exists. You can’t live in a fairy world and think that like everything is okay, but you do have a choice on what you focus on. The gratitude journal has been a huge help, picking five things in my day that I’m grateful for, especially if it was a bad day. Realizing that there are always positive things to focus on

Leandra: What are the elements of being a man that you still really enjoy and identify with?

Courtney: I like having a male body, I like my penis, and I like having sex. If sexuality exists on a scale, with the Kinsey Scale from zero to six, I would probably put myself somewhere in the middle, on the gay side, but closer to the middle than a lot of gay men. And then if gender is on the same spectrum, I’d probably put myself closer to the middle as well. I don’t even know what things are necessarily male and what things are necessarily female anymore, but, I guess being a boy is much more comfortable than being a girl.

Leandra: Huh. How so?

Courtney: Well, just like flat shoes, shorts, loose underwear, no bras, no weaves, no makeup. There are so many things. And I mean, I think that doing what I do as Courtney, I’m also not just becoming a girl, I’m becoming society’s most ideal expression of femininity — I almost do it as a tongue and cheek thing to say, “This is what society’s ideals of beauty are, and look how manufactured and created it is, even though the objective is for it to look natural.”

Those ideas of male and female and what men and what women “should do” seems slightly absurd to me, because we weren’t born wearing dresses and pants. Gender, clearly, is something that society has invented. Yes, women have different bodies, men have different bodies, our brains might think differently, they are wired differently, but the actual idea of gender seems like somebody invented that.

Leandra: Gender is a construct.

Amelia: Does it feel like a backhanded compliment, or somehow rude, if someone says to you something like, “You’re so pretty as a girl.”

Courtney: “Oh my god, you’re prettier than I am, and I’m a real girl.”

Amelia: Yeah, does that feel fake to you?

Courtney: I understand it, and I get completely what they’re saying, but…a lot of comments are based on physical aesthetics. We talked about Caitlyn Jenner “looking like a woman,” and “passing,” and that becoming the objective. But for me, I get frustrated with the concept that people have to look any way at all, and that were constantly comparing and making that judgment.

Krista Lewis: Do you feel that people interact with you differently, in terms of their idea of how they should treat a specific gender?

Courtney: The most obvious one is straight men, because dressed like this, straight men flirt, sexually objectify, they treat you completely differently. As a boy, I feel intimidated quite often by those alpha-male type guys when I’m Shane. But when I’m Courtney, I could read the back of a milk carton and they’re putty in my hand. It’s fascinating to observe the power of a woman from a slightly outside point of view.

Amelia: You said that Chaz Bono said that you were using some wrong terms. It is very confusing. I would love to make a guide. For example, I didn’t know “transvestite” was a derogatory term. I probably only got that word from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Courtney: GLAAD has a great media guide. There’s two things: there’s gender, and there’s sexuality. Actually, there’s gender sexuality, and sex. Sex is what’s between your legs, gender is what’s between your ears, and then sexuality is who you’re sexually attracted to. There are different parts to those three categories, but your sex is what your biological gender is. That doesn’t just mean your external genitals. Men have testes, women have ovaries, the different chromosomes. Your gender is how you feel about it, and your gender expression is how you then present yourself to the world.

Transgender is a word that is about transition, people who are assigned one sex at birth and are transitioning to become another gender.

Transvestite is the older term, we now use the word “cross dresser.” It’s the updated version.

Amelia: And cross dresser versus drag queen?

Courtney: The words “cross dresser” and “drag queen” are similar, but different. Drag is often about performance. The sexuality of the person isn’t relevant, but usually drag queens are gay whereas cross dressers usually identify as straight.

We don’t use the word “tranny” anymore.

Leandra: You’re saying that you identify as genderqueer. But “queer” on it’s own is also kind of a no-no, isn’t it?

Courtney: No. Queer is a yes-yes.

Leandra: I think of jocks yelling at drama kids. Like, “Shut up, queer!” You know?

Courtney: Well, it used to be, but it’s one of those words that’s been reclaimed, I guess.

Leandra: We’re taking back the camel toe at Man Repeller.

Courtney: There you go.

Amelia: In the word-sense, and visually.

Courtney: My camel toe has an unfair advantage. And it could do with a pedicure, quite frankly. But queer now is a word that represents a modern movement about sexuality — people who don’t identify as heterosexual or homosexual. It’s almost like a political statement. And same for me with genderqueer. Its less of an actual thing for me and more of a statement.

Amelia: Genderqueer and queer mean two different things?

Courtney: Yeah, so genderqueer is about your gender and queer is about your sexuality. It’s confusing because they both have the word queer in them.

I didn’t grow up with the “get out of the bathroom, you queer” generation. I first learned about queer from a queer-identifying girl who explained to me that it had a lot more of a political influence and it was about not conforming to heteronormative ideals about sexuality.

The term queer could also be for a straight guy who finds himself attracted to another guy or a boy dressed as a girl, so it’s kind of an umbrella. It’s about not identifying with that heteronormative idea of sexuality.

Amelia: So, it’s more all-encompassing than bisexual.

Courtney: Yeah, because bisexual means you like to have sex with men and you like to have sex with women. Then there’s pansexual [pansexuality is “a sexual attraction, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity”], and polyamorous [polyamory is “the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved”], and there’s all these other terms and buzzwords

Leandra: Got it. All I have to say is you’ve got really beautiful eyes. Not for a guy, not for a girl, just for a person.

Listen to the Kaleidoscope EP here and the Ecstasy EP here. You can also see Courtney Act live in NYC on July 10th. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Don’t forget to check out her site too!

The post MR Round Table: Free to Be You and Me appeared first on Man Repeller.

8 Movies to See While Enjoying AC for Free

A summer truth: air conditioning always trumps sweating, regardless of your geotag. And as those of us with fans-only apartments know, there’s no better way to stay cool than making it a double-feature day (pack your snacks!) in the aggressively cold, thermostat-controlled confines of a movie theater.

Ah, but then comes the question of what to see. Here are 9 trailers to help you decide. If you bring the popcorn, I’ll pack the wine.

Dope, in theaters now 

This coming of age flick has your name written all over it if you’re a geek for 90s clothes, 90s music, Zoë Kravitz, Shameik Moore, and your summer celeboyfriend, ASAP Rocky.

Vibe: The Bling Ring, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Dazed and Confused.

The End of the Tour, in theaters July 31

If you’re a sucker for literature, then this biopic is what your dreams (and nightmares, depending on the representation of Jason Segel as David Foster Wallace) are made of.

Vibe: The Motorcycle Diaries, Adaptation, Capote, and Inside Llewyn Davis.

Madame Bovary, in theaters now

If there’s a movie worthy of $15 (which does not include the large soda and M&Ms) it’s this 1800s period drama in which Ezra Miller and Mia Wasikowska potentially get it on.

Vibe: Marie Antoinette, Anna Karenina, Onegin, and Atonement.

Paper Towns, in theaters July 24

I avoid teen dramas because they tend to reek of cheese — and not just mild parmigiano. We’re talking full throttle aged blue cheese stink bomb. But this one has Cara Delevingne in it! So at least watch for the brows.

Vibe: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Fault in Our Stars, She’s All That, and The Spectacular Now.

Trainwreck, in theaters July 17

Those close to me would say I’m as long-winded as they come. To them I say, HA, not this time, because when it comes to an Amy Schumer movie, it only takes three little words to get my point across: just see it.

Vibe: Bridesmaids, Frances Ha, Young Adult, and No Strings Attached.

The Diary of a Teenage Girl, in theaters August 7

Since San Francisco and the 1970s are all the rage, here’s a period dramedy about a girl’s affair with her mom’s boyfriend. Oh! And her mom is Kristen Wiig.

Vibe: Pleasantville, Almost Famous, Juno, and American Beauty.

Ricki and the Flash, in theaters August 7

Watch Meryl Streep in what is, perhaps, the role she was born to play: rock star.

Vibe: August: Osage County, It’s Complicated, The Kids Are Alright, and Something’s Gotta Give.

Regression, in theaters August 28

Satanic worship + paranormal happenings + a reunion between Emma Watson and some Hogwarts teacher + Ethan Hawke yields the over-excited sadist within me.

Vibe: The Paper Boy, Monster’s Ball, Antichrist, and North Country.

Now tell me what you’re planning to see.

Feature image via Buzzfeed

 

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The Ultimate Summer Survival Guide

People are really dramatic about the summer: It’s freezing in here with the stupid AC on! I’m dying of heat! I’m so dehydrated! My butt looks like a walrus stuck inside a can of tuna in this swimsuit!

And yet we look forward to it every year, like an Iron Man Competition for slightly more sane people. However, if we’re going to be hyperbolic about “surviving” the season so many of us declare to be our favorite, we might as well scoop up a handful of Girl Scout mentality and Be — with a capital B — Prepared.

BUT NOT IN THAT WAY. This isn’t about being “bikini body” ready or spray tanned or even well-dressed. (Just copy her.) This is about packing your Summer Essentials kit now so that when someone asks, “Are you ready to party?,” you can look them square in the eyes and laugh.

Because of course you are.

First, you’ll need to practice the basic tenet of Living Hands Free — Secret Pockets — so that at any given moment you can wave your hands in the air without sending your cell phone flying. I am partial to a Boobypack which, in what is perhaps the greatest rhyme of our time since the Notorious B.I.G. paired “Birthday” with “Thirs-tay,” is a fanny pack for your rack.

Next! You’ll need a proper beach towel to avoid the hypothermic horror of exiting the  water and being greeted by some sad, thin rag . You want fluffy. You want a sun-warmed terrycloth hug. Kind of like this one Leandra is holding, as stolen from her Summer Outfit post. Thanks, Leandra!

Note: a good beach towel makes for a great superhero cape.

NEXT!

You need ONE: pair of sandals,  denim shorts, a white tee, an anklet (get festive!), a sarong (which will act as a skirt, a turban, a top, or a flag upon which to declare your sand-fort a No Clothes Territory), a baseball hat (less likely to fly away than the straw variety;  less sad when you inevitably lose it regardless of wind), a swimsuit…

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…and, we’re down to the wire here: a pair of sunglasses. Preferably ones that don’t ruin your life.

That 80s moment was brought to you by Tens, which you can buy here, although these sunglasses aren’t too shabby either:

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Now grab a tote and shove inside it whatever you’re not wearing per the list above, plus a book. (I vote China Rich Girlfriend for the train.) Steal a pack of cards — you’ll learn as you go — throw in a handful of Flash Tats (fun for sharing) and a bottle of wine (if you need help, use our guide). I told you this was about preparing for the party that is summer. Which just officially began.

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And guess what, Cub Scout? You’ll survive.

Illustration by Zoë Flood-Tardino, Photograph by Martin Parr. “Shame of Thrones” video by the hilarious CHIX Productions.

 

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I Changed My Tinder Settings to Girls

I’m really bad at talking about my feelings. I hide from all the verbal recognition of my inner psyche ranging from dinner cuisine preferences to details of who I made out with while dressed in an alien costume at a fraternity mixer. One time, I went to therapy (because what self-respecting millennial doesn’t go to therapy?) but found it too invasive and immediately quit, declaring I was cured of all my hereditary anxiety. But despite being as stoic as a Viking, about two years ago, I found it increasingly hard to ignore a part of myself that was creeping up from the deep pit in which I’d had it buried.

I wasn’t so much afraid of saying it, but I was mortally terrified that I’d have to make some sort of grand gesture when I came out. That I’d have to provide some sort of proof (heads up, they don’t give you a membership card) and play out a dramatic coming-to-terms-with-reality with each person I told.

What’s more, I was scared that people would think I was a different person, as if the one they had always known was a figment. I wanted telling people to be the emotional equivalent of telling them I was trying out flares this season, but that bell bottoms or not, I was still me.

I have since come out of the walk-in closet I’d been inhabiting. I couldn’t have done it without the many late night nuanced talks, the unexpected email from a mentor saying she’d be there if I ever needed her, the dinners where no one batted an eye when I dropped into casual conversation that I was interested in girls, the New Year’s Eve when no one shattered a champagne flute when I announced “Guys, I changed my Tinder settings to ‘girls.'”

But before all of that, before I had the bravery to not care about what anyone else wanted from me and the confidence to just let it all out, I read something that flipped a switch for me. I never expected to read Jenna Lyons’ 2013 profile in the New York Times and find the words that made me feel understood. But there they were:

“It’s just as surprising to me as it probably is to everyone else. It certainly is strange to wake up, at 44, and look at the person next to you and think: ‘Oh! This wasn’t what I expected.’ But I don’t think love works that way, and I am O.K. with that.”

Somewhere between her acceptance of not needing to understand how love works and being okay with the direction your life will take gave me the inner calm and security that I had not been able to conjure up on my own. Jenna made me realize that life just is – you have to let it take you where it wants to go.

My 11th grade creative writing teacher told us that one day, we’d read something that would perfectly align with the thoughts in our own heads, and when we found it, we’d know we weren’t crazy — that we made sense. On a random Sunday in the midst of an otherwise normal January, I finally found the person who understood exactly what was going on between the coils of my brain.

I suppose I didn’t really need to worry about suddenly “not being myself” because I don’t think I had even really been myself before. I was convinced it was a phase, and even if it wasn’t, life would be easier if I ignored my instincts. Maybe I never liked to talk about my feelings because deep down, I knew that I was always kind of making them up; hiding who I actually was behind who I thought I should be.

I was petrified to break down the façade I had so deliberately crafted, but I can’t imagine anything more terrifying than one day looking back and not recognizing the life I lived.

I know I have yet to write out the words “I’m gay” until just now. Truthfully, it still scares me to confront reality so directly. But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am and never more happy to be that person.

A lot of people think that the fashion industry is full of vapid narcissists. I’ve found quite the contrary. It’s been the thing to truly grab me by the shoulders and shake me into consciousness. It doesn’t ask you to fit into a mold, it asks you to construct your own and join the party.

Photographed by Adam Katz Sinding for W Mag

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You’ve Got an Extended Deadline! And Crabs!

So…

I had this weird idea last week when we were thinking through new prompts to assign. One of the most trying components of getting into the summer groove is just that — getting into it. Releasing the heavy from your brain and allowing for the miracle whip to unleash the power of the sun like it is the new guard’s Kool-Aid. (What did I just say?)

So, while, sure, we have plenty of ideas that might call for a cathartic release circumscribing tales of abandonment and reckless behavior, the 4th of July is imminently upon us and we can’t think of anything beyond the beach other than what might stand in the way of our pursuit of said beach. So: why not offer this as a prompt:

Crabs.

Share a story about crabs. I don’t care what you share — if you ever eaten one (I, for one, have not, which could make for a story on my life as a kosher denizen in a city as gastronomically-charged as New York), where you had your best one, what happened one time when you stepped on one, whether your tango with crabs was actually of the sexually transmitted variety…I just want to hear something. Come on, give Amelia in Nantucket a tiff to write home about!

Because next week we’re going to be drunk on life and high on fireworks, this prompt has a longer-lead due date. You have TWO weeks to cogitate and hand it in. It’s due to write@manrepeller.com on Thursday, July 9th at 12 p.m. EST. You know the drill, keep it under 500 words and help us with our ab routine — as in, make us laugh! We love funnies. You are so funny.

See you at the finish line! Bring your chlamydia cream!

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