Leandra Medine's Blog, page 615

Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

I recently found myself deep in my middle school email account. Amidst and melodrama, I came across hundreds of digital letters between my best childhood guy friend and me. The emails span seven years, detailing our friendship from the day we met until the end of college, when our correspondence slowed to a stop as he moved in with his girlfriend and I moved across the country for work.

While zeroing in on the archaeology of our relationship, I noticed the absence of such a friendship in my current life. I fill my time with work, my boyfriend and girlfriends. I have male friends, but there’s no longer a non-boyfriend dude with whom I am answer-my-calls-or-die, no-secrets close.

This made me wonder: would someone like my childhood BFF even have a place in my adult life, or do you have to outgrow close relationships with people of the gender you’re attracted to in order to mature, like a rite of passage to becoming a real adult?

Clinical psychologist (and my married sister, so she knows what’s up) Dr. Kathleen Boykin McElhaney feels that this kind of relationship exists less in adulthood simply because friends aren’t your priority, and you don’t have as much time to go around.

“The focus of your life and how you spend your free time changes significantly as you get older,” she says, especially if you ultimately marry and have children. “If you are putting a lot of your time into friendships in general, it could easily threaten the quality of your home life.”

In other words, now that I have a job, a grown-up email address (no more ineedmorenaps@aol.com, even though I do) and a boyfriend, there are literally not enough hours for another close, time-consuming relationship. Adding a new one could jeopardize the time and energy I have to give to my other priorities.

However, Dr. Julia Sheehy, a clinical psychologist and adjunct assistant professor at Columbia and Barnard, is of a differing opinion. She feels that the ability to maintain relationships with the gender you’re attracted to does not vary with time, age, or your differing commitments, but with individual personalities.

“People who are impulsive or insecure are likely to have difficulty maintaining opposite-sex friendships (if attracted to the opposite sex) and tolerating their partners’ opposite-sex friendships,” says Sheehy. Meanwhile, the ability to maintain these relationships comes down to self-determination. “People who can enjoy feelings without acting on them, and who are secure in their attachments can more easily maintain opposite-sex friendships and encourage their partners to have them, too.”

Ultimately, what both Sheehy’s and McElhaney’s answers to my variation on “Can Men And Women Ever Really Be Friends?” show is how dated the question has become — it’s not a question of “can,” but one of choice. While I’m nostalgic for the time I spent with my old best guy friend, when I really think about it, it was neither socially-ingrained taboos nor repressed emotions that broke up our friendship. We both simply made choices that led us away from one another and towards the lives we live now.

There is no When Harry Met Sally rule that says you can’t stay friends with someone of the gender you’re attracted to — if you want to, you can. Hello 21st century! We live in a world that is slowly shedding itself of conventions and gender identity, where people have open marriages, live in separate apartments, or never get married at all. We choose the people whom we make time for, and we can choose how we decide to feel about them.

In fact, I think I’ll crack open that ineedmorenaps account and draft up an email to my long-lost best friend tonight. For old times’ sake.

Photographed by Can Dagarslani

The post Can Men and Women Really Be Friends? appeared first on Man Repeller.

Ask Isaac: Who Pays on a Date?

Hi friend,

First thing’s first: because there isn’t a good enough rule of thumb for this dilemma, reaching for your wallet to at least offer to pay half at the end of a date is the perfect course of action, especially considering that in general, many of the antiquated/old school dating protocols no longer apply.

Second: This is why getting coffee is the perfect option for a first date. It’s like, 7 bucks max, which means neither party is worried about a huge bill, you get to have a proper conversation and see what they’re like in the light of day.

Full disclosure: Most girls that I’ve been in relationships with have earned a lot more money than me, and I come from a family of very strong women, so if we’re talking heterosexual dates, a woman paying for her fair share isn’t in the least bit emasculating to me as a man. Some guys might feel otherwise, and if they do, then they’ll pick up the check and that’ll be that.

But I can tell you with 100% certainty that you Venmo-ing a dude for your share of the date is not why you never heard from him again. If a guy likes you, he will hit you up constantly until you agree to go on another date with him. If he doesn’t, you won’t hear from him again. It’s as simple as that.

I vote that everyone should always offer to pay, regardless of A/S/L. It’s 2015, the rules are dead and gone. But luckily for us, manners are still alive and kicking. It’s polite to offer, so offer!

Now to the readers: what do you think? More questions? Hit me up.

The post Ask Isaac: Who Pays on a Date? appeared first on Man Repeller.

Cool Beans! Leandra Made Fall Coats with Veda

Do you ever feel like looking into your closet and trying to figure out what to wear is kind of like trying to spread expired jam on a slice of stale toast? The idea seems great, you know you like the foods, but the quality just isn’t there. Once in a while, there arrives a reprieve so simple you almost can’t believe it’s real and suddenly, with the implementation of a garment, or an accessory, or even just a witty styling tactic, your closet becomes a fresh bouquet of baguette, orange marmalade notwithstanding. It’s sort of the like the fashion item equivalent of a wellness retreat, one that brings you back from the dead/your fashion burn out.

You hated your white shirts, they were looking so off with every single pair of jeans before you found that Western belt but now? Now you’re a g-dang French Vogue editor.

And that blue and white polka dress? A personal assault to humanity at large given its dated scoop neck and uncoordinated hemline. But then! The perfect slides. And just like that, you’re a sun-kissed Nordic queen, vacationing in Croatia.

I know you don’t want to talk about it yet and frankly, neither do I, but the reality of the circumstance that lays ahead is such that one day soon, there will be a breeze. And with that breeze will come goose bumps and with those goose bumps will come the cognitive decision to quell them. That decision will inform what you put over your body and I’m just here to say: I have a great idea.

We’ve collaborated with Veda, leather jacket extraordinaires, to bring you a couple new exclusive styles of jacket for fall that are, in my opinion, two silhouettes every woman should have in her closet at least once. First, there’s the trench coat and then, there’s the military jacket. The trench coats come in classic khaki, army green and navy blue. All of which are replete with a satin sash because you are a pageant queen and congratulations! You’ve just won Best Dressed According to The Standards of Myself. The army jackets come in navy and green (both are shown in the slideshow above) and will, if nothing else, prove that you’re practically a baker. And you know what they about bakers, right? No stale toast. Ever.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis;  shop the Veda x Man Repeller collection

The post Cool Beans! Leandra Made Fall Coats with Veda appeared first on Man Repeller.

You’re More Grown Up Than You Think

Mid-Cheerio consumption in my parents’ kitchen during a recent visit home, I noticed that my cereal bowl — the same one I’d always eaten from — looked like it shrank. Did it? Or had I just grown up? I certainly don’t remember doing that.

Here’s one of the weird things about getting older: we don’t notice we’re doing it. The world around us isn’t mutating, we are. But sometimes it feels like the only barometer of our progression as adults is what we’ve accomplished professionally, and if we’re not exactly where we thought we’d be at our current stage in life, we not only don’t feel “grown up,” we feel…immature.

Millennials entered the work force in an economy that diverted many of us away from the traditional corporate structure, which makes it unrealistic to compare our professional trajectories not just to those of our parents and older siblings, but to the aspirational “when I grow up” goals set by our former selves. We’re not just talking apples and oranges. We’re talking about trying to compare the entire produce section.

So don’t.

Your status as an adult rides on a whole lot more than your place on an HR reporting ladder.

You’ve gone from peeling your partially inebriated body out of bed on a Friday morning and barely making it through your 10:00 am lecture to only hitting snooze once every morning and getting yourself to work on time. Every. Single. Day. You’re no longer taking notes in class, you’re part of decisions in an office. And yes: you’re making a difference. No matter how “small.”

Recall that time last week when you did a nice thing for a pal without expecting anything in return, or when you phoned your grandmother just to say “hi.” Maybe you actually put your dad’s birthday card in the mail this year so that it arrives before his next one. We’re people who actually do these things now. That’s something.

We’ve learned how to be there for other people in a real way. We don’t just listen to our friends talk, we hear what they say. We ask them to listen when we need to talk, too– even if the conversation’s an uncomfortable one. And we take responsibility for our shitty actions instead of finding ways to justify them.

We can acknowledge our own strengths and achievements without having to be praised for them.

We may not go to the gym every day, but we know how to take care of ourselves. We eat vegetables. We pay rent!

We used to be these itty-bitty creatures both in mind and stature, attempting to navigate this great big world like an ant trying to use a giant spoon. Now look at us: we’re growing up.

So the next time you swap business cards at a young professionals event, don’t let yourself spiral when you run into that girl from your graduating class who’s already vice president at some firm with seven names. Remember, you took out the trash this morning instead of tossing your banana peel on top of the heap. You ate cereal from a bowl instead of straight out of the box. In celebration of that, I invite every single one of you to share a one of the mature things you’ve done today, no matter how minor.

You’re a grown up. I promise. It’s not the bowl. It’s you who has changed.

Eloise and Weenie by Hilary Knight; Cereal Bowl by Ray Young Chu.

The post You’re More Grown Up Than You Think appeared first on Man Repeller.

Shoesday Recommendation: The Loafers of Fall

This happens to me once a year towards the end of the summer like it is clockwork and I am a machine that understands time is our only true unit of measure. The balmy August afternoons become breezy evenings that foretell a reality I try very hard to deny but can only reconcile through the idea that with colder weather might come the need for new shoes. New loafers.

Sure, girls will still amble about in romantic white dresses, bra optional, for the next several weeks. I will likely follow suit. But I’m a realist, you see, so I think ahead, too. And down. To my feet. About what they want. Because they’re the things that get me places, right? And if they’re not happy, how in the good name of leaves falling in Washington Square Park will they know how to steer?

Which brings me back to that thing that happens every year around this time. Last year I satisfied the clock with a pair of burgundy lace up brogues. The year prior it was two-tone wing tips but for the season ahead, I’m thinking penny-less loafers. Why? Allow me to show, not tell.

1. September is a buffer month that bodes better for fashion than virtually any other. You can take with you what you loved about summer (high waist white jeans, a basket purse), discarding what you didn’t like and adding some new wins — like a cashmere cropped sweater or gold chain belt — to satisfy your readiness to endure something new. It’s too soon for boots and too late for sandals. Which means only one thing, right? Right.

2. If you’re thinking about suiting, don’t want to abandon your shorts just yet (you’ve done squats every Tuesday and Thursday!) and can’t stand the thought of living another day without at least one layer of glitter-spangled ready to wear, remember that like any good combo platter, it boils down to how you season it. In the case of the combo platter, it’s lemon basil dressing. In the case of the outfit, where the 70s meet the 80s, then fall into a vortex where rollerskating and career-juggling live harmoniously side by side, it’s green loafers. Don’t forget the socks.

And finally: You know what they say, right? If you can’t beat them, you confuse them. Take the turtleneck and the straw hat, wear a beach bag and cashmere socks. No one needs to “get it.” Except for you. And when you’re asked where you’re going look like that? Defer to your feet and continue forth.

In partnership with Cole Haan

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

The post Shoesday Recommendation: The Loafers of Fall appeared first on Man Repeller.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story: Victor and Athena Calderone

Leandra Medine: How did you meet?

Athena Calderone: We met in 1996, you [Victor] say it was at The Limelight or that you first saw me at The Limelight but I remember meeting at Tunnel. I bartended at Tunnel, The Limelight and Palladium when I was 18 or 19, and had first moved to NY. I guess I was pretty young and innocent but pretty rebellious at the same time. Like I had a shaved head, a septum ring and wore a wife beater.

Victor Calderone: Yeah, she had smokey eyes. That’s what caught my attention. I was like who the f is that?

LM: And in a dark space! So you went over to talk?

VC: I did.

LM: Were you deejaying at that time?

VC: I was before a partner and I split up and then I wasn’t sure what I was doing. But I had a friend who had a restaurant and I used to go hang out with him at the restaurant often. One day he said “I’m opening up another one. You’re not doing anything. Why don’t you come in and be a partner?”

AC: Yeah so that was his line, he wanted me to come bartend at his restaurant.

VC: We needed a bartender. So it was kind of honest the way I approached her. But I obviously was….

LM: You had an agenda!

AC: Honestly all I completely remember from that night was like, 10 dudes coming in at like 10 p.m. when the club was still kind of empty and ordering a bottle of champagne — and at this time, nobody bought bottles of champagne at nightclubs, there was no bottle service like there is now. So I felt obligated to talk to these “bros.”

VC: We had a mutual friend, though, who was a dancer, so after we had some small chat, I went over to her and was like, “ok you need to hook this up.”

AC: And she did. We exchanged numbers through Nicole and established this pretty hardcore phone friendship. I didn’t even know which one was Victor because there were like 10 dudes I was talking to that night. But we had this really easy comfortable conversation on the phone and I really didn’t need another bartending job — I was making crazy good money at those nightclubs, but it made me want to go to midtown to this restaurant to meet him properly. And then I went up there—like I said I didn’t even know which one was Victor—and they were doing construction and I didn’t know what to say like, “Oh, is Victor here?” Anyway we went upstairs in like a booth and started chatting and literally from that moment on we were inseparable best friends for like, two years—just together.

VC: Yeah, she was the first person I spoke to everyday.

LM: Why didn’t you go into a relationship initially?

AC: Um—I was either 18 or 19, I had just come out of my high school/college not-so-healthy relationship and I’d just come to Manhattan, so I wanted to have some, like fun wild days. Even though I’m not a fun and wild girl. But I mean he came to every one of my family holidays. My Italian Nonna, my mom, — every body loved Victor. And everyone was like “Athena what is wrong with you!?” And I was like “He’s my best friend!” And my mom would say that when I’d be at her house, she would see me on the phone with him and a part of myself came alive. Like a playful jovial kind of relaxed…a part of myself I didn’t even know existed came alive when I was with him. And everyone saw it except for me. I mean, I saw it, I felt it. I knew that once we would eventually get together—and I knew that would happen—it would be fast and furious.

VC: I wish she would have told me! It was 2 years!

LM: You were probably frustrated because it was like, here I am this grown man with a successful career behind me, launching a new career that will ostensibly be successful too. I’m ready to settle down, I really like this girl but she has a shaved head and just moved to NY.

VC: Totally.

AC: Basically.

VC: But we had these amazing days together.

AC: We discovered so much together. Restaurants…wine…

VC: And you know, I would take her home and she would get out of the car and would just walk into her house and I would sit there waiting for her to turn around.

AC: It broke my heart when once we were together, he was like, “I would just wait for you to turn around as you opened your door.”

VC: Just like look over your shoulder! Turn around once!

LM: You were very patient.

VC: I had those moments, where I was like, “OK, I’m torturing myself, I need to stop this.”

AC: We’d spend the night together and he’d get all quiet and contemplative and I’d say “Goodbye, I’m not gonna see you for a while am I?” and he’d say “no, I need a break.” So, two weeks would go by where we wouldn’t talk and then we would see one and other and it would pick up right where it left off.

VC: We had a lot of mutual friends who went to the same clubs so we would wind up sort of bumping into each other and then it would start all over again.

AC: But what changed—the thing that changed everything was this girl Milo. So as this was going on, Victor’s career was developing. And he started deejaying at all these nightclubs. One week I’d be next to him in the deejay booth and then the next week I’d show up to the club and Milo would be next to him in the deejay booth and I would just be like “who is this chick?” And I knew she liked him, I knew she was hanging around. And then Victor had this record release party. Let me backtrack — he had stopped working on music, as he mentioned, and was now really unhappy at the restaurant, so he sold his shares and the night he got his money back, we were supposed to hang out and he said “you know, I feel like I’ve neglected and walked past my recording studio, seeing it collect dust for two years. I’m gonna go produce a track tonight.”

And he produced a song called “Give it Up.” And it ended up going #1 on the Billboard dance charts. It was really exciting for him and as his best friend, I was really excited but we were going through one of those moments where we weren’t talking. And he had this big record release party at Palladium so I had my best friend call him and say, “I know you and Athena aren’t talking but she really wants to come support you, is it ok if she comes?” And he was like, “Of course!” so I went and I saw him and the second I saw him, it was right back to where it was and we were having fun, we were dancing, we were having the best time and then all of a sudden he disappeared and I couldn’t find him. And my best friend at the time, Rosie, was a lesbian and she had this crush on this girl Milo. So I just kept hearing everyone talk about Milo. And that night, Victor just disappeared and I had this girl’s name in my head and the next day I called him and a girl picks up the phone and it was Milo.

So I was like beside myself all of a sudden. All these like emotions were flooding.

I didn’t know what was going on. So Victor came over and at I was out at the market when he got there, so I was opening the door to my apartment and I heard Rosie—who was my best friend at the time—say “no way! I’m so fucking jealous!” just as I opened the door. I looked at him and I go, “Did you fuck Milo last night?”

VC: I was like, “Oh my god!”

So I said, “Kinda, yeah.” We were laughing about it.

LM: You laughed too?

AC: I laughed too but I was thinking: what is this feeling that I am feeling right now? And it wasn’t immediately that we got together at that point. It was like I would show up at the club, she would be next to him. And then the next week, she would show up at the club and I would be next to him. It was very confusing. I couldn’t quite figure out what I was feeling and I was really nervous to acknowledge how I was feeling because I knew how intense our friendship was and I was nervous to fuck that up because he was such an important part of my life.

LM: Was she the only girl you had had a relationship with during the course of those two years?

VC: No. There were others.

LM: But no one else bothered you?

AC: No…I guess not.

VC: Well Milo stuck around. She was in the same group of friends so she was just there.

AC: And she could really dance!

LM: So how long after that did you get together?

AC: Not very long. There was one night on our rooftop that I really started feeling an attraction—a strong attraction that was undeniable—and we ended up kissing that night. And then I think from there it was—

VC: It’s funny looking back, on the other end, Milo would say to me, “I never have a chance with you because of Athena.” She knew. She just knew how in love with her I was.

AC: We got together and it was as I knew it would be — full on, strong. It was such an exciting time in our—within a couple of months we were already talking about getting engaged and married. It was so obvious once we were together. I mean what everybody saw around us was just so apparent to ourselves. We slept in a twin bed in the basement of his mom’s house for a good year and a half or two, which was kind of amazing.

LM: Why were you sleeping at his mom’s house?

VC: Well, I own the lower portion of the house for myself but we were figuring out what we were gonna do next.

LM: How long have you been married now?

AC: It’ll be 16 years. Did I ever tell you how he proposed to me?

VC: During all this, my career as a deejay and producer really started to heat up.

AC: He started working with Madonna, producing all of her albums and dance mixes and—

VC: I developed a very big gay following and they lived for Athena.

AC: It was so much fun. So it was his birthday and they brought out a cake out on to the stage while he was playing and there were like, four thousand shirtless men singing happy birthday as he was deejaying and then he grabbed the mic—a drag queen pulled me out on to the stage—and he got down on one knee and over the microphone in front of four thousand gay men and proposed to me.

LM: What if she had said no!? You knew the gays were on her team!

AC: They all came to the wedding!

LM: What have you found to be the most challenging part of being in a relationship?

VC: Not being so reactive, I think.

AC: Not being reactive?

VC: Yeah, not being reactive to certain situations. Trying to hold that back.

AC: We’re really involved in each other’s lives. I—I’m sorry I’m not really answering your question—but I, throughout my 20s and 30s, was figuring out what I was and who I was and kind of meandering through a lot of different creative outlets—whether it was acting or singing or styling—I just kept trying different things on for size, and he has always been my biggest supporter. I’ve been embarrassed of my own creative ramblings and he has always supported that. Never been judgmental. I mean his career was just so successful, but I never felt threatened by Victor’s career at all.

I know a lot of women don’t like to be called like “So and so’s wife” –but it never really bothered me. I hadn’t yet found what “my thing” was, but I was really proud of the life we’d created.

VC: And you have been a really big part of my career—in the beginning, you really were. You helped me.

AC: We built things together.

LM: What I have found about being called someone else’s wife, is that as my relationship progresses I’m starting to identify more and more with my husband’s last name—as opposed to my own, because I love him so much and I want to assume the name that better reflects who my family is now. I get really warm feelings on the inside when I’m referred to as “Abie’s wife.” But I don’t think that’s a comment on the male/female compliancy tension so much as it is a function of my feeling really proud of a decision that I made.

AC: I’ve always been proud—I mean my family’s always been my gold. I struggled for a long time figuring out what my creative path was—like my relationship with him and the life we’ve built together and the choices we’ve made together have always been what I feel the most proud of—and then bringing a child into the world. We really make every decision together. And I’m not saying that things are perfect but–

VC: We’re a team.

LM: Would you say that that is probably the reason you’ve been able to maintain the spark for this long?

AC: I also think that we—you know there are different levels you get to in your relationship. I think that you have to keep that part fun and interesting. A couple of years ago we decided we wanted to learn about art, so we started going to art fairs together. Or we wanted to learn how to snowboard. I think you have to learn and do things together in order to grow together.

VC: And not have these separate lives.

AC: We do have a bit of separate lives! Right now especially!

LM: Why right now especially?

AC: Well because for a really long time I didn’t have a booming career and I feel like the past three years have shown a really big shift in me growing my own identity because of my launching my website, Eye Swoon. Through my 20s and 30s, I didn’t have a big social life, I wasn’t involved in fashion. I went to yoga and I had a baby on my hip. And we traveled around the world together—it was amazing—but I did want more and that more has happened in the past couple of years.

LM: What are your favorite things about each other?

AC: Definitely my favorite thing about Victor is how grounded he is. He has never been the type of person who says, “I wish” or “What if” or “If only.” He’s so accepting of what is laid in front of him, and never feels the need to be something else or want for something else. And for someone that was a little outside of myself and seeking something and not knowing what it was, that was really—he’s been my rock.

VC: For me, it’s how selfless she is—always thinking about other people. That’s her happiness. Looking after everyone else.

LM: I love to ask couples what their favorite character traits in each other are, because what I have found in my own relationship is this new understanding of the notion that opposites attract. I’ve come to notice what that means — which is that you admire the character traits in your partner that you don’t have, likely won’t have, but wish you did.

AC: Yeah 100%. I’ve said this before, but I practiced yoga for so long, I was trying to find some stillness and groundedness in myself that I naturally don’t have. And for a really long time when I first got into yoga I was such a pusher. I was so on him like, “You have to come to yoga!” I’m a sharer too, like I can’t even read a book without like being like, “Oh my god you have to read this!” that’s just who I am. And I would push yoga and it got to a point where he was just like “Yo, back the fuck off.” And then what I came to realize is that he has the zen grounded stuff that I was trying to get to through practicing it.

LM: Do you have any advice for someone looking for love?

AC: I hear so many people — even dear friends of mine — say, “He’s not really what I expected.” And I feel like I tried to fight for so long what was naturally this kinetic connection. Maybe people aren’t exactly who you think you’re supposed to, or meant to be with but I could have not listened to my intuition and my family’s intuition and could have kept pushing him away, so forget what you “expect.” People think they’re looking for something else and they don’t see what’s right in front of them.

LM: Yeah that’s great advice. And there’s an element of like needing to trust your gut a little more that gets lost.

AC: Trust your giggles. There was a giggle that came alive in me that didn’t exist before. I was never this kooky silly girl but with him, I was. And we still have that.

LM: I just have to ask one more question: where is Milo?

AC: Wait we have one more bit about Milo. Victor’s mom is Sicilian, doesn’t speak a word of English and called the cops on Milo when Vic told her that he and I were finally getting together. She wouldn’t leave the house so his Sicilian mama called the cops.

VC: It turned into such an ordeal—she lost it and was screaming and my mom heard her screaming and called the cops.

AC: Yeah, she was like “She’s never gonna be with you!”

LM: So I take it you don’t know where she is.

AC: Maybe she reads Man Repeller?

LM: We’ll find out.

VC: She was a game-changer. It was a game-changer. Totally. Any man going through what I was going through needs a Milo.

The post It’s Kind of a Funny Story: Victor and Athena Calderone appeared first on Man Repeller.

Nine Cool Things to Buy Because It’s Monday

We-he-hell!

Two can play at this game!

You may remember that a couple of weeks ago, Amelia took the digital shopping cart I had manually inserted into the backend of Man Repeller and essentially wrote her own narrative over it. There was a ukulele involved. I planned to explain precisely why I was recommending that you buy one but nooooooo, freckles mcgee had to take her big ass mouth and loud-ass finger tips and try to Da Vinci Code the shit out of my great, under-$100 recommendations.

But guess what now, people? I’ll tell you what. Karma has parked its white Escalade in my driveway and left the keys in the ignition. So here you have it — nine things Amelia left on the MR-back end before leaving for Nantucket with exactly zero context.

We’ll start with the green Marni-esque dress from ASOS, which I will definitely be getting, seemingly there to play mate to the following brown Marni sandals that I am sure Amelia wants to call her “fashion week shoes” but which will immediately put half of her whole life savings in the douche bag jar. Then there’s a single gold, triangular earring which I am sure she wants to have dangle off her nose. That will look so cool. You should try it too!

Well tie me down and hit me with a bag of fashion! Slide 4 seems to indicate a harkening back to all the old school stuff Amelia is always trying to honor with a vintage Dior jacket. At $600. Will she wear it with the jeans in slide 5? That (really cool) skirt in slide 6? Neither? Will she Donald Duck? Who is paying her enough money to buy these things?

Oh! And slide 7. See there’s a nice plaid skirt. It’s Cher Horowitz meets 2015, falls into a ditch, finds tortoise shell geriatric sandals and comes out with a cast. Lovesies!

But…oh…wait. She had me for a solid second but I’m back on the defense. Unicorn tears, handbag edition? Who, I ask, is evil enough to not just make a unicorn cry but to then store their tears? That’s f-ed up, man.

She’s fired.

All in favor sayyyyyy: Bye Felicia!

(But actually don’t.)

The post Nine Cool Things to Buy Because It’s Monday appeared first on Man Repeller.

Subject Title: Are Illustrators the New Fashion Bloggers?

On Wed, Aug 12, 2015 at 11:36 AM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Are illustrators the new bloggers?

On Aug 12, 2015, at 11:43 AM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

Why do you ask that? Because they have these seemingly idyllic, “kind of easy” non-corporate jobs that make you feel like, uh I can do that — or because they’re the new thing to talk about?

On Wed, Aug 12, 2015 at 10:00 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Well, a new one pops up and seems to make headline news on like, a weekly basis. For what it’s worth, though, that job does NOT seem easy. Maybe to you because you can draw but I can barely render a circle. You’re not wrong, though. There’s a sense of “I can do that too!” — and with so many popping up, a stick figure interpretation of Gumby isn’t really enough to get you followed, right? If that’s even the impetus. But it’s another textbook case of Darwinism stepping in, proving that if you can’t turn a brussel sprout into a dress, you might not survive.

On Aug 12, 2015, at 11:28 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I’ve thought about fashion illustration as something I might want to do long term, but it seemed dated, or like not a real-life job. Everything’s done on Photoshop and computers now. That old school world of fashion illustrating had its heyday, you know? Or so I thought. I never imagined it as a sustainable career. So it’s actually pretty exciting to see new illustrators bubbling to the surface. In no way do I think it’s easy or as idyllic as it sounds — what ever is?

BUT. It does seem like such a romantic job.

You’re right, though. A new one seems to pop up every week. Chicken/egg here, but do you think they’ve always been around and Instagram is just giving them an easier platform to share their work or is Instagram encouraging new illustrators?

Remember that cool pointy boob drawing Inès de La Fressange taught you how to do?

On Thu, Aug 13, 2015 at 5:55 AM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I think the line of questioning there is probably a little off. It’s more like: are these actually careers or are they pet projects — which is how illustrating could be compared to what blogging 1.0 looked like.

In 2012, the Internet was all: “egalité!” But fashion was like: “Who are these girls and why are they at fashion week?” I don’t think we knew why we were at fashion week, but we went with it, and did what we could to turn our websites into careers. Maybe in 2015, mobile is all: “Show me your pen! It’s the irreverent thing to do,” and Instagram is all: “Who do these pens belong to and how do the owners pay their rent/why am I struggling to pay mine?”

People who exercise don’t do it as a full time job, right? It’s a cathartic release, something they do for themselves. Does that make sense?

On Thu, Aug 13, 2015 at 6:53 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I think the difference is that the illustration world does NOT have old guard/new guard tension like fashion does.

It seems like an all-inclusive community as opposed to: damn these kids and their crazy web logs to showcase their work. If anything, the emerging illustrators (see: Donald Drawberton) are just paving the way for this to be a career once again.

I keep thinking back to that convo w. Cathy Horyn about the fashion illustrator Joe Eula. During his heyday, fashion illustrators (the big ones) were as celeb-y as the designers because they captured clothes in a way that photography could not.

Then modern photography killed the illustrat-star.

On Aug 13, 2015, at 6:58 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

And now maybe with Instagram killing “modern photography” and proposing a more crude version of it (to be fair I don’t actually think Instagram is killing photography, I think photographers who are too precious about their photos/putting them out in square format and whatever are hurting themselves), the illustrator gets to rise to the top again.

I really like your point about their place in fashion and also believe this is so much of an industry that operates on “feel” — and often these illustrators release a feeling in us that is energizing, that excites us…but are they replacing anything? As in, the big fear with new vs. old media was that the digital entities would cancel out the print ones — is there an element of that with the resuscitation of illustrators? What would they cancel out?

On Fri, Aug 14, 2015 at 8:54 AM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

Maybe they’re replacing selfies, or just the constant stream of “me, me, me” on Instagram…

When you display your art, you are saying, “Look what I did! This is who I am, this is what I think/feel/see.” But it’s easier to roll your eyes at a selfie, or an “outfit of the day,” because it seems self-indulgent or self-obsessed.

A drawing, however, is enjoyable, relatable, shareable and you can interact with it. It’s still kind of a selfie — it can feel just as vulnerable to share. But it breaks up the pattern.

Maybe this only makes sense in my head…

On Fri, Aug 14, 2015 at 10:24 AM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Wait a second. I think this presents the existential question of whether everything we lend our likeness to is kind of a selfie? All the stuff that we project, especially through the social media feeds we cultivate to create a full picture of who we are…that’s all based on mood, biases, interests, etc. Maybe we’ve been indulging in selfies (just not as the hyper-literal face-in-camera-now-show-me-the-filters) since long before Steve Jobs enabled the turn around function on our iPhone lenses. Maybe narcissism is just a fancy term we’ve been using to define a basic tenet — self involvement to survive — of being human.

On Fri, Aug 14, 2015 at 10:42 AM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

Case in point: Cave drawings.

Illustrated by Joseph Amar

The post Subject Title: Are Illustrators the New Fashion Bloggers? appeared first on Man Repeller.

NY Closets: Jewelry Designer Lizzie Fortunato

Good style is good style, but even for the most inherently on-point dressers — those lucky few who don’t have to think about it, who make paper bags look cool and can design multiple outfits around a single pair of shoes — there are off days. Or looks. No one can do ten straight outfits of consistently-killer dressing. It’s like the gym: sweat sessions five mornings in a row is a major feat; to go six or seven is superhuman.

Consider jewelry designer Lizzie Fortunato superwoman, then. She turned in (and out) ten consecutive outfits that make me want to: be a better person, put in more aesthetic effort, accessorize, comfort-ize and clean up for the sake of a green dress. But if you can’t beat ’em (I can’t), join ’em. So what else is there to say besides enjoy? Enjoy.

And tell us your favorite outfits below!

Look 1:

This is such a “me” outfit for a full day in the studio (where the heels come off, flat Ancient Greek Sandals go on) then dinner out after. I’m a blazer fiend and love any sort of baggy pant/culotte/excess fabric situation.

Dries Van Noten shirt; Jenni Kayne blazer; Shaina Mote culottes; Chloé shoes; Lizzie Fortunato “Cleopatra Necklace” and Lizzie Fortunato “Snakecharmer Safari Clutch”

Look 2:

In my kitchen about to head to work. I wear a version of this outfit to the office at least twice a week: neutral, neutral, neutral and so easy. I have the top in at least 4 different colors because it’s the best backdrop for necklaces.

Apiece Apart bi-level tank; vintage Diane von Furstenberg skirt, which I found at Assembly; Riudavets Sandals; Gigi Burris Hat; Lizzie Fortunato “Medina Necklace”

Look 3:

I slip on lightweight separates for dinner; even my “dress up” looks are loose and comfortable.

3.1 Phillip Lim shirt; 3.1 Phillip Lim trousers; Balenciaga shoes; Lizzie Fortunato “Reflection Earrings”; Lizzie Fortunato “Midnight Cuff”

Look 4:

I have an 8 a.m. breakfast with the Vogue accessories editor at Locanda Verde, then I’m going by the launch of my friend’s line at Men’s Fashion Week in the afternoon (Garrett Neff, we’ve known each other since we were about 8!), and dinner with my girlfriends who founded Of A Kind tonight. Solid basics that I can dress up with accessories get me through busy days.

Balenciaga top; Apiece Apart pants; Proenza Schouler Shoes; Illesteva clip-on sunglasses; Lizzie Fortunato “The Souk Earrings”; Lizzie Fortunato “Port of Call Clutch in Moroccan Fringe”

Look 5:

Another day with an early breakfast meeting (Kathryn, my twin sister & business partner, loves an 8 a.m.-er!) — this one’s at Dimes, just a few blocks from our LES studio. After: a full day in the office followed by dinner out with editor friends.

Embroidered SUNO shirt — I adore SUNO, who we collaborated with for a few runway shows; Hache Skirt; Chloé shoes; Illesteva sunglasses; Lizzie Fortunato “Black Tile Necklace”; Lizzie Fortunato “Safari Clutch in Bronze Daisy”

Look 6:

Summer Friday outfit: A day of designing in the studio (at work, I cover up my clothes with a Flint outdoors smock), before sneaking out to scope out the sale at The Line in SoHo and meet one of my oldest friends, Taylor Patterson, of Fox Fodder Farm, in our neighborhood for a drink.

J.W. Anderson dress (also available in a skirt and top version); vintage scarf (that belonged to my grandmother); suede sandals picked up by my sister in Sorrento, Italy; YSL bag; Illesteva clip-on sunglasses; Lizzie Fortunato “Arena Necklace” in silver

Look 7:

Friday night dinner with my boyfriend at Locanda Vini e Olii around the corner from our apartment. He works for Google and travels a lot so Friday night dates are sacred.

Sacai sweater / dress combo; Lizzie Fortunato “Port of Call Clutch”; Chloé shoes; Illesteva sunglasses

Look 8:

Saturday morning I grab breakfast at Bergen Bagels, walk to the Fort Green Flea and mosey around Clinton Hill with my boyfriend. He’s not a fan of this skirt and says I should be sitting in a lawn chair chain smoking Camel Lights, but I love it.

Zara cropped knit top; Objects Without Meaning Denim Skirt; Ann Mashburn belt; Maryam Nassir Zadeh Shoes; Warby Parker Sunglasses; Lizzie Fortunato “Aztec Fringe” Necklace; Lizzie Fortunato “Safari Clutch in Tropicana”

Look 9:

Such a wild card look for me, but I’m going out with friends in Brooklyn and can’t resist this vintage dress that I scored for about $15 at a No. 6 sample sale.

Vintage Dress; Lizzie Fortunato “Retro Flower Earrings”

Look 10:

Late afternoon date with my sister and her boyfriend at Sister’s in Clinton Hill. Love the big marble bar and a Sunday afternoon Aperol Spritz. Also feel like I look like my mom in this outfit, which makes me happy, because she always looks so classy and cool.

Apiece Apart button down; Apiece Apart long skirt; Jerome C. Rousseau sandals; Vintage bag; Illesteva clip-on sunglasses; Lizzie Fortunato “The Beldi Collar”

Follow Lizzie Fortunato on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. You can also shop her site here.

The post NY Closets: Jewelry Designer Lizzie Fortunato appeared first on Man Repeller.

Feelin’ Myself: A Therapy Sesh on Female Self-Respect

Throughout our sessions, a theme we keep coming back to is, to put it bluntly, a lack of self-respect. Whether or not you’re comfortable to admit this on your own terms — oh, you are? Good! I couldn’t tell because you keep wincing —- the unfair standards you inflict upon yourself are damaging your spirit.

Now that you live in Manhattan and encounter, in your own words, a “revoltingly high” number of could-be models, taking even minor fashion risks makes you feel like Shrek in culottes. I remember you saying that one of your favorite things about NYC is that nobody cares about passersby, but you’re not utilizing that freedom. Let’s challenge you to wear one outfit a week that is somewhat out of your comfort zone — an ensemble you’re curious to try but have been to fretful about whether you can “pull it off.” Do not think about how it would look on someone taller or thinner. Instead, take a moment to meditate on how good it feels to express yourself.

I know you love the Diane von Fürstenberg quote, “When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.” How about (and we can do this incrementally so your mood doesn’t suffer like it did when you tried to juice-cleanse) you foster a friendship with yourself instead of being your most vicious critic? I don’t think it will be easy, but I do think it will be worth it. For every negative notes you give yourself, counter with two positives.

The artists, iconoclasts and women of history were too busy exploring themselves — and doing so publicly — to let their own fears muzzle them. When your ambition and self-doubt are both fighting for attention, you’re letting self-doubt strong arm its way to the forefront. Which reminds me of another concern: nobody cares about your arms jiggling; they’re too busy looking at their own or their Instagrams.

You are perceptive enough to choose style icons who demonstrate more than just an innate penchant for clothes. Sure, she has the body, but even if Jane Birkin wasn’t lean and leggy, I’m confident she would still be a sartorial trailblazer. And if anyone can relate to Sophia Loren claiming, “Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti,” it’s you! Maybe if you let yourself eat it once in a while, you’d digest some of her joie de vivre.

I want to work on celebrating the steps you take to self-acceptance and self-expression, like submitting this essay. You’re brave enough to make the attempt to share your words with the world, and since you are your own best friend, I know you’ll have your own back. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?

Time is up, but before you go, I just need you to sign this waiver that admits I’m not a licensed therapist. I’m the voice of reason inside your head.

The post Feelin’ Myself: A Therapy Sesh on Female Self-Respect appeared first on Man Repeller.