Nine Cool Things to Buy Because It’s Monday

We-he-hell!

Two can play at this game!

You may remember that a couple of weeks ago, Amelia took the digital shopping cart I had manually inserted into the backend of Man Repeller and essentially wrote her own narrative over it. There was a ukulele involved. I planned to explain precisely why I was recommending that you buy one but nooooooo, freckles mcgee had to take her big ass mouth and loud-ass finger tips and try to Da Vinci Code the shit out of my great, under-$100 recommendations.

But guess what now, people? I’ll tell you what. Karma has parked its white Escalade in my driveway and left the keys in the ignition. So here you have it — nine things Amelia left on the MR-back end before leaving for Nantucket with exactly zero context.

We’ll start with the green Marni-esque dress from ASOS, which I will definitely be getting, seemingly there to play mate to the following brown Marni sandals that I am sure Amelia wants to call her “fashion week shoes” but which will immediately put half of her whole life savings in the douche bag jar. Then there’s a single gold, triangular earring which I am sure she wants to have dangle off her nose. That will look so cool. You should try it too!

Well tie me down and hit me with a bag of fashion! Slide 4 seems to indicate a harkening back to all the old school stuff Amelia is always trying to honor with a vintage Dior jacket. At $600. Will she wear it with the jeans in slide 5? That (really cool) skirt in slide 6? Neither? Will she Donald Duck? Who is paying her enough money to buy these things?

Oh! And slide 7. See there’s a nice plaid skirt. It’s Cher Horowitz meets 2015, falls into a ditch, finds tortoise shell geriatric sandals and comes out with a cast. Lovesies!

But…oh…wait. She had me for a solid second but I’m back on the defense. Unicorn tears, handbag edition? Who, I ask, is evil enough to not just make a unicorn cry but to then store their tears? That’s f-ed up, man.

She’s fired.

All in favor sayyyyyy: Bye Felicia!

(But actually don’t.)

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