Leandra Medine's Blog, page 612

Remember Award Shows Before Thought Pieces?

I did not watch the VMAs last night but my understanding is that Kanye West is going to run for president in 2020, Justin Bieber flew over a crowd looking like Jesus and then broke into a bout of tears, Nicki Minaj found herself embroiled in an altercation against the evening’s primarily-naked host, Miley Cyrus, and the two chose a very public, very literal platform to express their respective lament.

The contention has since culminated in at least a dozen thought pieces that littered my Twitter feed this morning (striking a similar argument about white privilege that defined the Minaj-Swift debacle of yesteryore) sprinkled over the “Kanye is a god,” or adversely, “Kanye is an idiot” rhetoric. What I have not seen are any objective reviews of the performances, any opinions on the winners or frankly, a critical look at the music industry independent of the drama that circumscribes it.

When I look back at the award ceremonies I do watch: The Golden Globes, The Emmys, The Oscars, it is rare that I should find myself as interested in the subject matter being honored (film, television, etc) as I am in the outfits, the implications of the outfits, the mannerisms of the celebrities, the general notion of Celebrity and so forth.

So when did it happen that the awards stopped being about the thing and became about our opinions? What were award shows like before they were defined by thought pieces — when they were still the bubblegum that anchors a cultural moment to its de facto period in time?

In an industry like entertainment that is so wildly contingent on “getting the inside scoop,” it makes perfect sense that such personal affairs would seep into the public consciousness; that you’d expect Justin Bieber, or Nicki Minaj to spark talking points for the next day’s news. But have we really entered an era where the separation of church and state — that is, the separation of that which deserves the megaphone treatment and that which commands it by pure function of our cultural obsession with tabloids — is so muddled that we can’t quite ascertain the difference between what we believe deserves 2500 words in a reputed journal and what doesn’t?

Should we have never allowed the 4th wall to break?

Or maybe more accurately: are we finally looking at award shows with socially-critical eyes? The eyes of jaded individuals who can believe what we’re seeing — because by now, we’ve seen it all — we just can’t believe that we’re still watching.

Photographs via The New York Times.

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NY Closets: Creatures of Comfort Founder Jade Lai

Deep breath in: it is time to start thinking about fall.

Exhale.

Ok! See? It’s not so bad. I even think I heard a “finally” from the back row. Luckily for all, Creatures of Comfort founder and creative director Jade Lai has the type of pre-transitional closet that’s appropriate for early September heat and the inevitable chill that comes with September’s end. That means: white despite dumb rules, monochromatic plaid, crisp shirts, preppy loafers, espadrilles, all green and a pair of perfect flared jeans.

Oh, you want a visual? A little autumnal inspiration, if you will? Glad you’re starting to warm up.

Day 1:

This is one of my t-shirt and jeans day. I’ve had since high school and am recently test-driving them again. Channeling 50% Lee Radziwill, 50% my late 90s raver days. (They might also be a little tight!)

Creatures of Comfort Shrunken Tee in black, Vintage Levi’s , Creatures of Comfort saddle bag and loafers

Day 2:

This is probably one of the hottest day this summer. I originally bought this dress because I needed something red to wear for Chinese New Year. The ruffly pockets makes me feel pretty and girly. The Vans are for contrast.

Comme des Garçons dress, Vans sneakers

Day 3:

I just got these Nike shoes so you might see me in them a lot. This outfit shows what some people could call the perks of being a designer. This dress will be in the SS16 collection, and we introduced these pants for Resort. How’s the big dress? Too big, or good-big?

Creatures of Comfort Big Tee dress, Creatures of Comfort Maison wide cropped pants, Nike Air Rifts

Day 4:

I like this photo because this is my first attempt of taking a picture from my apartment, and my cat is watching me. I promptly changed out of my shoes after the shot because it was pouring outside.

Christophe Lemaire corn color long belted tunic dress, Leather espadrilles from a Parisian cobbler

Day 5:

Just got my personal order for Fall 15. I’m very excited about this print and both pieces together as an outfit. People always think it’s a jumpsuit when I wear them at once, which I like.

​

Creatures of Comfort check tank and check pants (also available in a skirt), Creatures of Comfort

Day 6:

Another Creatures of Comfort outfit! This is what happens when it is free! This is pretty much also one of the hottest day this summer. I’m wearing lipstick to look good for you.

Creatures of Comfort tank, pants, and sandals

Day 7:

Here I am again! I’m continuing the jumpsuit theme. I wear a lot of espadrilles in the summer — I get them at this corner cobbler in the Marais every time I go to Paris. Black, navy, red and white are my go-tos.

Vintage jumpsuit, Linen espadrilles from a Parisian cobbler, Creatures of Comfort white saddle bag

​Day 8:

Preppy day. This usually consists of a crisp white shirt and something navy and wool, along with either a loafer or oxford. I try to dress more “normal” when I have a meeting or something.

Yohji Yamamoto white shirt, Comme des Garçons navy shorts, Céline loafers, Creatures of Comfort bucket bag

Day 9:

​Summer whites. I wear all white all year long, but more frequently in the summer. Here I have my Sunspel men’s tee. I have been looking for the perfect old man tee ever since I first saw them as a child in Hong Kong. The Sunspel one is the closet I have been able to find, perfect cotton and everything.

Men’s Sunspel white henley tee, Creatures of Comfort white pants, Nike Air Rifts, Straw clutch from a market in Peru

​Day 10:

No, it is not St. Patrick’s day — I just thought the greens looks good together. Testing out this top for the Spring 16 collection. Also note: I liked the Air Rifts so much, I got them in the white.

Creatures of Comfort top, Dries Van Noten wool crepe pants, Nike Air Rifts, Creatures of Comfort clutch

Follow Jade on Instagram. You can also follow Creatures of Comfort on Instagram and Twitter. Visit the Creatures of Comfort online shop here.

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The Chatroom: Stacy London

Welcome to this week’s episode of The Chatroom starring none other than former Vogue editor, television veteran (What Not to Wear), boob tape extraordinaire and over-achieving 20th century philosophy double major who has never watched an episode of Sex and the City*, Stacy London.

If you’ve already started watching, you’ll notice that the episode is slightly longer than our Chatroom segments tend to run but that is because she has so many thoughtful and insightful and charming and witty and…just watch it. It makes the transition into the final Monday before The Last Monday significantly smoother. If you’re looking for a digest, think: style as a reflection of the individual and her sense of honesty, food consumption issues and solutions, fashion as a case study in psychology and boob tape as a style hack to keep your layered necklaces from banging against each other.

Do also stay tuned because in addition to the launch of our inaugural podcast show, Oh Boy, which is hosted by our filmmaker, Jay Buim, and launched last week with an interview with me, we will be distributing longer form versions of The Chatroom in podcast formation. COOL, RIGHT?

* indicates: I know, WTF?

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Buddies with Benefits

TooCoolToBeTrue: Yo, already home?

SpiritAnimal123: Yeah, just arrived… u still in the train?

TooCoolToBeTrue: ofc, love spending time in my 2nd living room lol

SpiritAnimal123: lol

TooCoolToBeTrue: really enjoyed tonight

SpiritAnimal123: me too, thx for the visit

TooCoolToBeTrue: I genuinely believe that we can be friends now

SpiritAnimal123: Totally… I was just wondering…

SpiritAnimal123 has signed off.

SpiritAnimal123 has signed on

TooCoolToBeTrue: You still here?

SpiritAnimal123: yep

TooCoolToBeTrue: what were you wondering about?

SpiritAnimal123: Just if there is chewing gum with coconut flavor?

TooCoolToBeTrue: dunno, maybe in Asia

SpiritAnimal123: kool

TooCoolToBeTrue: they have diff flavors there I guess

SpiritAnimal123: why did you grab my ass 2night?

TooCoolToBeTrue: dunno

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed off.

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed on.

SpiritAnimal123: I liked it tho

TooCoolToBeTrue: I was thinking about grabbing it the whole evening. Then I just did it

SpiritAnimal123: K

TooCoolToBeTrue: Any plans for this week?

SpiritAnimal123: Nothing special, assignments and shit. U?

TooCoolToBeTrue: Absolutely nothing. Netflix will do I guess…

SpiritAnimal123: OITNB Season 3

TooCoolToBeTrue: totally…

SpiritAnimal123: trust no bitch

TooCoolToBeTrue: Just arrived home

SpiritAnimal123: Do friends grab each other’s butts?

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed off.

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed on.

SpiritAnimal123: nvm, was just wondering

TooCoolToBeTrue: well no, I dunno. You need to understand my situation

SpiritAnimal123: K

TooCoolToBeTrue: please?

SpiritAnimal123: I do, I always freakin do, even if I don’t want to

TooCoolToBeTrue: you know me. It’s the price I gotta pay

SpiritAnimal123: well.. I guess our

friendship doesn’t really work

TooCoolToBeTrue: nope not really

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed off.

SpiritAnimal123: I’m out

SpiritAnimal123 has signed off.

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed on.

TooCoolToBeTrue: KK

TooCoolToBeTrue has signed off.

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Five Thing$ You Didn’t Know You Needed

Our social media director keeps telling me to shut the fuck up about fall because according to the analytics that she combs through, nobody wants to read about it. And look, I get it, I totally understand. I don’t even really want to talk about it but I’m not going to lie to you, 1) because I’m not a liar but also because 2) I have a hard time with the whole shutting the fuck up portion of clause #1, I am vaguely — just vaguely — excited for the imminent new season.

This does not mean I am ready to bid summer farewell.

Hell nah.

Give me an ice cube and I will blissfully watch it melt through my finger cracks in under a minute.

It just means that I am human, and humans are conditioned to like new things. We thrive on change! Shiny! New! Things!

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So if you’re telling me that it needs to be September 1st in order to own a pink satin mini skirt then I’m going to cheerlead for Team Wake Me Up When September STARTS. The same goes for an 18k gold crab that looks like it is ready to hang off a tree branch but actually just wants to find an ear to accommodate its clinginess. Yes, sure, it is astronomically priced, but this is an episode if If the Internet Was My Closet, and as such, my credit card is linked to a bank account full of Monopoly money.

And how about those black and white pumps? They’re basically like, “Give us sheer ankle socks and that satin mini skirt you were just talking about and let us show you what it means to transition dress.” All I ever want is an article of cloth or fashion accessory to break the Hammurabi code that is transition dressing, can I get a heck yeah, here’s the wage to be paid to an ox owner or what!

Excuse my digression.

If my theory was right, and logos are back, and they reflect an ironic nod to the new guard of personal style evangelists, then who better to help me/you/us usher in the era than Bugs “carrots rule and so does pigmentation” Bunny?

The fact of the matter, however, is that we still have two weekends of unadulterated sun tan lotion and swan floats (RIP?) ahead of us, so in the event you have not yet purchased the Lisa Marie Fernandez terrycloth cape I have been subliminally imposing upon you since, like, April, just know it’s 60% off on The Outnet now.

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Thesis of The Month: Is Everything We Do a Selfie?

On Tue, Aug 25, 2015 at 1:24 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

After our conversation on illustrators as the new bloggers, I started thinking about the last question we touched upon but didn’t really answer: Is everything that we do essentially a selfie? That is, are selfies just hyper-literalized versions of a much deeper flame of narcissism that burns within all of us? Are we wired to act in favor of our best interest? Does that make us selfish? Is selfishness actually a bad thing or have the societal layers of judgement reframed the term to reflect a negative definition for a word that applies to all of us, might even be innate and that we shouldn’t have to apologize for? There’s a difference between selfish and destructive, right?

On Tue, Aug 25, 2015 at 2:52 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I want to respond with: Yes. Yes. Yes (Darwinism). Depends. Depends. Yes. But I’ll start with your main question. I do think that technically, if we do something (anything) to self-express (whether it’s writing, singing, dressing), it’s a selfie. But that doesn’t necessarily make it selfish.

Selfishness implies an inconsideration of others where there should be consideration. If I knowingly made a group decision that inconvenienced everyone but made my life easier (and didn’t care), that would be selfish.

But me posting a photo of my face on Instagram isn’t selfish. Me posting a photo of my face on my Instagram with the caption, “Happy birthday to my best friend!” (with no image of said friend) isn’t selfish either, it’s self-indulgent.

Self-indulgence = no need for apologies (although be prepared for eye rolls). Selfish = you might owe someone an “I fucked up” later on…

On Tue, Aug 25, 2015 at 8:37 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I consulted the handy dictionary (as in, not the dick-shun-ary) and according to it, you’re right, selfishness is, in fact, defined by a lack of consideration for other peeps. Yet for some reason, I feel like taking back the term. Making it RIGHT and dedicating the new definition of selfish to Kim Kardashian’s book. Or not.

Maybe you’re right and self-indulgence is the term, but according to the rules of the same dictionary, that precise indulgence connotes a sense of general disproval. Which, I think again opens up the floor to a couple of my initial questions: Have the societal layers of judgement reframed the way we think about behaving amongst others and with ourselves? That is, are we paying too much attention to what the dictionary says and not enough to what Gandhi told us to do: be the change we wish to see in the world? Does the definition of selfish need to feel so negative? Are we bad people for thinking about ourselves first and foremost? (Trick question because I think realistically speaking, we all do it to some extent; why do you give to those who need? Yes, because it helps them, and that’s tremendous, but you can’t deny a sense of self-satisfaction in making the selfless, “grown-up” decision.)

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 2:25 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I like your idea of taking back “Selfish,” especially when talking about millennials because I don’t want to be seen as selfish but also I don’t think we are selfish. I think we’re a generation that is focused on (and perhaps more aware of) the benefits of taking care of ourselves mentally/emotionally/physically (versus our grandparents who were of the “suck it up and walk in the snow” generation.)

I also don’t think it’s all so black and white. There are some people who are plain selfish and do nothing for the greater good. That doesn’t make them “bad people” (unless their selfish intents are violent and that’s a different convo), but it doesn’t really make them great humans, either.

A good human who can actually put forth what G$ asks (be the change) needs to be able to take care of herself first. A burnt out, pissed off, upset and hungry Amelia is probably not going to do anything to help anyone, or at least not do it well.

You know how you watch those safety videos on airplanes, and they tell you to help yourself first, then help the kid sitting next to you? The point, of course, is that if the adults don’t help themselves first, they are of zero use to the rest of the plane full of with kids in danger. (Though as a kid I was like, Dad, I swear to god, if you put that mask on your face before mine I will never forgive you.)

But let’s steer this back to the world of selfies. A musician writes a song because he’s upset that his girlfriend broke up with him. He does this to help himself feel better. (Maybe to piss off his ex-girlfriend, too.) That’s a selfie by our definition, right? A selfish-selfie, even.

But it’s a good song. A catchy song. It’s a Blink 182 song called “Dammit.” It’s the year 1997 and it’s a hit, and Blink fans everywhere turn it into their broken heart teen angst ANTHEM, and it gets them all hopped up and excited and empowered and like, “FUCK YEA I AM GOING TO BE OK!” And they go to concerts and feel like they aren’t alone.

So it’s not selfish anymore.

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 2:56 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

The impetus in the case of the Blink 182 song is the only thing that’s important. Just because the thing (in your example: the song) transpires to define a cultural moment that helps people through shit (like they are the minors and the band is the adult in your oxygen mask analogy) doesn’t change what its initial purpose was — healing the musician in question’s broken heart.

By the rules of your theory, Kim Kardashian’s book, Selfish, is not a nod to narcissism/selfishness either. Doesn’t it now make the rest of our selfie-taking brethren feel understood?

Just me? Ok.

On your note about being a generation that is focused on personal maintenance, you’re right — I think all of the points that you make are valid, but also that they accommodate my initial hypothesis, which was that everything we do is, to some extent, a selfie. It’s just that in our own lives, we’re not criticized nearly as much for the actions we take and decisions we make because they’re not literal reflections of our vanity on display for mass consumption, or as a means to garner mass consumption. So maybe my narrative is changing and my ultimate point is that we should stop criticizing those who marvel in selfies because –surprise! — we all, whether unwittingly or not, do it. All the time.

As in, through every breath.

Except in the case of Berlin, when our breath is taken away.

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 4:26 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

Did Kim Kardashian’s book actually make you feel understood as a selfie-taker, or was it such a dramatic display of self indulgence and vanity that it made you feel like no matter how many selfies you take and post for the rest of your life they will never feel as obnoxious as hers?

I totally agree wichu, though. We should stop throwing stones in this glass house because otherwise all of our screens will crack.

But it’s still so easy to get annoyed at such blatant displays of me, me, me. I think when it’s masked with something for the greater good (a song, a painting, a book, although Kim’s book, for me, does not count), it’s easier to swallow.

Is that then kind of deceitful? Masking it? The Devil’s Advocate might argue that at least Kim is transparent and real: this selfie is here for no reason other than to show you that my skin looks super good. Is using art (music, photography, writing, painting, fashion) as a selfie the same thing as writing a self-deprecating caption under a selfie to level-out narcissism? Is it a cop-out, or does it do something to help everyone else swallow your pill?

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 5:15 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Well, if you ask Donald Trump, I am sure he will agree that transparency is the best policy. But I think this conversation is getting too literal, too wrapped up in the actual mechanics of a selfie. My initial post was that the selfie is a metaphor for all of our actions, right? It is the extremely literal manifestation of everything that we say and do and think — because all of those things are motivated by a baseline necessity to survive. To look out for ourselves. So I’m really more curious about whether you agree that humanity is motivated by innocuous vanity?

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 5:34 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

If you want to get really heady about it, which you do, then yeah, humanity is motivated by vanity. Procreation is vain. It’s an animalistic survival instinct — keep our species alive through the creation of extensions of ourselves. (Those bugs that die immediately after insemination are arguably the least selfish of this category.)

This also means that kids are selfies.

But humanity is also motivated by love and art and beauty, which I keep coming back to. Music, meaningful relationships, food, paintings, literature — these are things to live for. They are forms of vanity if we stick to your thesis that “everything we produce is a selfie,” but not if you believe that vanity is negated when the product supports and fulfills the greater good.

The only example I can think of that motivates humanity (not all, but historically, a huge portion) that isn’t connected to vanity is religion.

Do you think we’re motivated by vanity? Maybe we need the word exclusively in here. Humanity is motivated by vanity, yes, but not exclusively.

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 5:46 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

You’re so much more romantic and hopeful about us (the People)! I appreciate your point of view. But even your citing all that arguably hedonistic creative and emotional stuff, which create value and make life worth living, theoretically supports the hypothesis. We want to live, we want to survive, and can only do that if we satisfy ourselves with these things that makes us feel good. (Our partners are selfies, we choose them; the artists we connect with are selfies because they stimulate us subjectively — there is no objectivity in art, and personally speaking, I eat food not to sustain myself but to let my tastebuds feel alive.)

But your point makes sense. Vanity may very well be counterbalanced by the very thing I’m talking about here: our motivation (the act of taking a selfie) to feel good (the product of the selfie). And when we feel good, we project much better versions and visions of ourselves, like you said earlier, and when we’re doing that, we’re more inclined/prone/willing/hungry to treat the rest of the world well. WHICH! I THINK! comes back to my first point that there’s nothing wrong with our vanity if at the end of the day, we’re a bunch of fucking daffodils picking up each other’s coffee tabs just because.

And on religion, I often come back to this thing David Foster Wallace once said: “Because here’s something else that’s weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship—be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles—is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. ”

On Wed, Aug 26, 2015 at 5:50 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

Not trying to follow DFW.

I will leave with a song, then open up the floor.

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MR Writers Club Prompt: The Wackiest News Bit You’ve Ever Written

NEW YORK, NY – A heretofore unidentified avocado described as calorically dense was found dead next to an empty seltzer bottle on the Upper West Side early Friday morning, sources say. Agricultural forensics specialist Pharms McFroot of Weehawken, NJ indicates the possibility that the death was self-inflicted. “I’ve never seen one cut like that,” McFroot said. “Half the pit was missing.”

Still, the police department is looking into whether any suspects, including plasticware, could be linked to the incident.

Those close to the victim declined to comment. “We’re plants. We don’t have mouths,” avocado’s distant cousin, a bay laurel, told Man Repeller.

At the time of publication, we could not reach any immediate members of the family but have reason to believe there was conflict brewing between the victim’s family and a small vineyard off the coast of Long Island that specializes in the manufacturing of rosé wine. Said a slice of Ezekiel toast who had at once known the avocado fairly well, “Ever since summer started and Instagram shifted its focus from him to the wine, he was never the same. He loved the attention and couldn’t stand not getting it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself.”

Avocado had immigrated from El Fuerte, Mexico to Manhattan, New York earlier this summer.

—

And now it’s your turn. In ~500 words (or, let’s say less), write the weirdest fucking news story you could think of. All submissions are due next Thursday (September 3rd) at 12 p.m. EST to write@manrepeller.com. 

Now please excuse me, okay? I have a funeral to attend. 

Photographed by Tim Walker for Vogue UK via Huffington Post.

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Ralph Lauren, Style Icon

1. Invest in a good quality knit — you won’t need to throw it away at the end of the season and in a city like New York, it will, no doubt, come in handy as many times as a bottle of water in the desert does.

1a. Eclipse the smart phone, the smart watch, the smart head and invest in a good quality smart shirt. According to PSFK, Ralph Lauren has just launched One not unlike the most recent roll-out from “PoloTech” – a new shirt that will measure the wearer’s vital activity in REAL TIME.

2. Dare to challenge the overarching conformities: if everyone is wearing skinny pants but you like them flared, you’re in the right. Wear them flared.

2a. Don’t smoke.

3. Consider the Canadian Tuxedo, then with the kind of reckless abandon you might find at 2 a.m. at a mini mart near a bar that serves exactly zero Sour Patch Kids, steal it, call it your own and laugh at the notion that it could have first belonged to anyone else. They say good artists copy and great ones steal but the best ones don’t even let you know there was any form of theft involved.

4. Don’t just wear a denim shirt with jeans — that’s easy and this is a tuxedo. Sport your finest sport. Jacket, that is.

5. Unless you’re not quite feeling like the metropolitan cowboy you have created, which is fine, because you’ve identified three prototypes for the identities you will call your own (American cowboy, American computer wiz, American [motor]cycler,) and in model two what worked for Steve Jobs also works for you. The black turtleneck will never disappoint you unless you disappoint it.

6. On said turtleneck: leave behind one qualm. Thou shalt not hesitate to pair your concealed neck with a pair of ivory pants, regardless of the time of year. If there are rules, they are only the ones you have put in place — no societal structure, especially one contingent on the Gregorian calendar, shall convince you otherwise.

7. Think thematically: one afternoon’s suit (double breasted, nothing less) may very well be another evening’s literal homage to the Old West.

7a. But don’t carry around a gun. Do, however, wear a bullet proof belt.

8. Don’t compromise you. If you never liked taffeta pants, you still don’t like taffeta pants, but everywhere you turn, lo and behold: taffeta pants, don’t give in. You have come this far, you have identified yourself, you have considered what it means to abide by rules that you have set and there is no reason to deviate. Unless, of course, those pants are actually silk faille.

8a. On the rules: If you feel like layering a white shirt under a blue plaid blouse to take a bow after a show that was full of indelible black tie garb, no matter the quality of importance among the people in said room, make like Nike — nay, give Nike a run for its slogan — and just do it.

9. There is no such thing as overdoing what you love: so what if you own fifteen pairs of jeans. Do you wear them all? Case closed.

10. Think about dyeing your hair white. Let this point bubble up from the depths of your internal dialogue at least three times a year.

10a. Retreat to a tropical locale every time your skin begins to feel vaguely pasty.

Everything I know about personal style, I learned from Ralph Lauren.

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Ask a French Girl About Wine

Our resident French Girl is back; staunch as ever in her love of brunch, as French as ever when it comes to romance, as confused as the rest of us when it comes to digital romance. In our most recent story with Laura, we spoke about summer and ended the conversation on the topic of wine. But you can’t be expected to have just one glass, right? Not with a friend this fun. So we poured another and let the questions continue…

Is there a right and wrong way to order wine?

The right way is to say, “Please,” and with a smile. The wrong way is to order wine before noon — it is way too early.

Do you actually try to “party” with wine, like get drunk off of it?

You enjoy wine. When it’s good, you can end up drinking enough that it gets you tipsy, although it is quite known that red puts you to sleep. I wouldn’t be able to party with red. I would be enjoying it too much and forget to dance.

Do you think rosé is lame?

Rosé is beautiful.

What about wine for a certain event or time of day? Lunch, dinner, party?

There is no such thing as a “lunch wine” or “night wine.” The food is what’s deciding for you. No matter if it’s day or night, when you eat a big steak, you’ll want a a strong red to keep it company. Do you have one SPF cream for the pool, and another for the beach? No, it depends on the sun. Same thing.

Do you follow wine rules? Like: red with steak, white with fish? 

I like my steak with red and a lighter meal with white, but it’s not so much about rules as it is about common sense because of their core acidity and flavors.

I’m at a restaurant, I don’t recognize any of these wines on the list. I’m embarrassed to ask, but want a glass. What do I do?

Ask yourself what you’re in the mood for when it comes to taste, then tell your waiter. Part of the beauty of wine is that there is always something to discover. Unlike chicken. How many different chickens have you eaten?

It is completely fine to not know anything on the wine list. It’s also not rude or “cheap” to get the house wine when you are in a restaurant.

Do you cringe when we mispronounce French/Italian wine labels in an attempt to sound French or Italian?

I believe in the saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans,” however, I never pretend I know how to grammatically and rapidly order an American non-fat cappuccino with soy milk in a size grande with foam. But mispronouncing the label of an Italian or French wine is not a big deal, as long as you get what you ordered.

Does anything besides my questions bug you about the way Americans order wine?

Nothing bothers me about the way Americans order wine. It would be like me annoying an Italian person when I ask for pasta al pomodoro. Haha! Maybe they are annoyed, actually.

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To Smile or Not To Smile: Feminism and RBF

A few weeks ago, Cara Delevingne’s Good Day Sacramento interview went viral after the actress responded less than favorably to the dull and condescending questions lobbed her way on the morning talk show. Delevingne’s tired expression acted as instant fodder for the peppy presenters, whose questions and comments went from, “Are you just exhausted?” to, “You do seem a bit irritated…take a little nap, get a Red Bull,” leaving Delevingne speechless before the tape cuts out.

Delevingne, according to popular culture, suffered from “RBF” or “Resting Bitch Face,” a topic which trend pieces jumped on after her uncomfortable interview. For the unfamiliar, Jessica Bennett, in her recent New York Times article on the subject, defines RBF as “a face that, when at ease, is perceived as angry, irritated or simply … expressionless.”

In her Times piece, Bennett describes this distinctly female obligation — men are rarely affected by RBF, as they are expected to look serious — listing actresses who have been criticized for looking bitchy and women who have altered their resting expressions for their careers. The latter list is particularly disturbing, and includes a small business owner who “Botoxed away” her frown line and now swears “people [are] warmer,” as well as a woman who was told to look happier by her boss so she, “began taking pictures of her face so she could try to look more cheerful.”

What’s even more alarming about these stories is that RBF is, in a way, a reversal of the perceived problem with women’s speech patterns that made headlines a few months ago. From those pieces on the female tendency to over-apologize or “up talk,” the take home message seemed to be that women should try to eliminate words such as “sorry” and “like” from their vocabularies in order to be perceived as direct and serious. Yet that perception is exactly what seems to be causing women with RBF trouble — their “serious” faces are too off-putting. They don’t look happy or peppy enough.

As a woman reading and writing responses to these trend pieces analyzing female appearance, it’s hard not to just mic-drop my coffee, scream, “Can I live?,” and walk away from the computer screen. It seems like everywhere we turn, women are being barraged with suggestions on how to — or how not to — present themselves.

This is in part due to this new era of popularized feminism that examines practices women take to be “normal” — their voices, smiling at people — and reveals the misogynistic or otherwise offensive origin behind the behavior.

This is a positive trend, as it’s important to question our conventions, but it’s hard to know how to act once you realize there’s a gender power structure tied in to everything from your tone of voice to your decision to smile at the mail guy. Should we change our natural habits to start from scratch and demonstrate the equality we strive for, or do we continue to act and look the ways that have become comfortable for us? And do we set women back if we continue to act the way we were before?

These are questions we have to answer for ourselves, of course, and to each her own — it is difficult to navigate personal preference within the larger sphere of social change. But while we figure it out, maybe we can try to cut back on directing women to behave or appear any certain way, and argue not for waves of behavioral change but instead for personal choice and autonomy. Perhaps it’s about time we focus on eliminating not RBF or the words “like” and “just” from our lives, but rather, the phrase “women should.”

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