Leandra Medine's Blog, page 52
January 20, 2020
7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Quitting Your Job
When I was 27 and working as a journalist at a news website in my hometown of Sydney, Australia, I was offered a promotion to the most senior role—and the highest salary—of my career. Instead, I turned it down and quit.
Somewhere, my high school career advisor banged her head against a wall.
I told my boss I was planning to take a grown-up gap year, and as I said it, it felt as if I were floating above myself, watching in disbelief. I’d worked so hard. Was I throwing it all away?
But five years later, my leap of faith has paid off. After six months backpacking around Central and South America, I moved to New York and started writing freelance. I’ve hit career highs I doubt I would have if I had stayed at my job in Australia, and work-wise, I’ve never been so fulfilled. It was all so easy, and I never once questioned my decision.
Ha! Obviously, I’m joking.
I mean, some of it’s true, but for at least the first year of being a full-time freelance writer in a new country, I was constantly anxious and plagued with doubt. I second-guessed my choice every time my credit card declined, every time a pitch went unanswered, every time an old colleague back home announced they’d moved up another rung on the corporate ladder. Some of that’s just part of making a big life change, but diving in blindly the way I did, and white-knuckling it through the freak outs and uncertainty, led to so much unnecessary stress.
As it turns out, there’s a smarter, more thoughtful way to quit your job—even if you don’t have another one lined up. And career coach Foram Sheth knows what it is. Sheth is the co-founder of Chicago-based career coaching company Ama La Vida, and below she shared the seven questions to ask yourself before you quit your job. Whether you’re considering a leap or just took it, asking yourself the following questions will help you plan your next move.
1. What would it take for me to be happy at my current job?
Before you quit, Sheth suggests you write down what would have to be different at work to make you want to stay. These changes might be impossible or outlandish, but getting them on paper can serve an important purpose. “If you don’t take a moment to reflect on what you need and want to avoid,” Sheth explains, “you might find yourself in the same circumstances, just at a different job.”
2. Am I running away from something or toward something?
Wanting to escape a shitty work situation is understandable, but Sheth says that if that’s your only motivation for leaving, you may find yourself in a difficult spot. “When we run from something instead of to something, we are just avoiding,” she says. “If we only avoid, we will always feel like something is missing.” She suggests you spend some time thinking about what you genuinely want to pursue before you make a move, otherwise you might leave only to run in circles.
3. What problems do I expect quitting my job to solve?
“It’s important to ask yourself if you’re unhappy in your job because of other things happening in your life, and not the work itself,” Sheth says. “You might be frustrated with something in your personal life that you haven’t yet been able to identify.” Set aside time to do some self-reflection, she says, perhaps by journaling or taking a long walk. It’s a little woo-woo, but the book The Artist’s Way or a self-discovery journal like this one can be an effective tool to cut through all the noise and get honest with yourself.
4. Can I defend my choice to leave, even if others disagree with it?
Talk it over with your significant other, parents, friends and/or your doorman if you want. But picture the decision like a set of concentric circles, with your beliefs at the center and the advice of others on the outside. Since others’ opinions may change, or be rooted in their own fears and insecurities, you need your own unwavering support. “Women especially tend to make decisions about themselves to please others,” Sheth says. “Ask yourself, ‘Am I doing this for me, or seeking the approval of someone else?’”
5. Can I financially afford to quit?
Only you can decide if you are financially stable enough to leave your job, but Sheth says considering a few different figures might help you feel more confident in your answer. “Ask yourself, ‘If I quit my job without a new one to go to, how can I budget for a six- or even 12-month safety net? What expenses can I cut temporarily knowing I can get them back once I have a new job?” she says. “At what point will I no longer be able to sustain myself? If that happens, how will I gain financial security?”
6. What’s my plan for day one after leaving?
It’s normal to experience anxiety for the first day (or week, or month) after leaving your job, but Sheth says the right preparation can help. This includes writing a list of the reasons you’re quitting to read in moments of doubt; compiling a document of positive feedback you’ve received, at work or in your personal life, for when you need a confidence boost; making a realistic daily routine that involves your preferred forms of self-care (yoga/meditation/breathing/exercise) to ground you while you job hunt or start out in self-employment; generally caring for your well-being by getting enough sleep and eating well; and seeking out some non-career related sources of self-esteem, like learning a new language or volunteering.
Sheth also advises doing a “pre-mortem.” Write down all the things that could go wrong and come up with an action plan for each scenario. There might not be a solution—the plan could be, “take a walk, wait two hours before sending a response.” But this process can quell the anxiety that things might go wrong (because even if they do, you’ll be ready).
7. Am I scared?
If your answer is yes, that’s okay. According to Sheth, being nervous about quitting is a good thing. “If you don’t feel nervous, you most likely haven’t thought it through properly. [Fear is] a normal response that makes you focus and consider consequences. It shows maturity.” But too much fear can also cloud your judgement. Sheth says it can help to imagine you’ve quit and visualize yourself 9 days, nine weeks, and nine months later.
“Sometimes we shy away from quitting a job because we worry we’ll regret it. But nine months later, it’s unlikely you’ll still be wishing you stayed. And if you do regret it, that’s okay. Rarely is a decision permanent or irreversible. It’s not uncommon for people to leave and then boomerang back to an organization, perhaps with some new skills and life experience. That’s why I always tell people to never burn their bridges.”
What other questions would you ask yourself in this situation?
Graphic by Maggie Hoyle
The post 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Quitting Your Job appeared first on Man Repeller.
You Look Moist: Pia Baroncini on Acne-Fighting Skincare and the Two Treatments That Are “Worth Every Penny”
Welcome to You Look Moist , a regular column wherein Man Repeller asks cool people with glowing visages how they achieved their supreme hydration (amongst other things). Today’s installment features Pia Baroncini–Creative Director of LPA, host of Pia’s Pod, and CMO of Ghiaia Cashmere.
How would you describe your skin?
First and foremost, it’s oily. I have adult acne which started at 25 when I was doing fashion PR at People’s Revolution, literally throwing fucking parties every day. I went to get a facial at some hippy dippy place and she tried to POP the underground pimples. I woke up the next day and they were infected–one on my cheek was so big I couldn’t see out of my goddamn eye. So I went to a dermatologist around the corner from my office (Tribeca Dermatology) because they took insurance. She shot up the eight infected giant pimples with cortisone, and so began my journey.
How would you describe your skincare approach in general?
It’s a percentage of my life. Do I refuse to leave the house when I have a breakout? No. But if I’m having one it means there is something going on with me internally that needs to get fixed.
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A post shared by Pia Baroncini (@piabaroncini) on May 29, 2019 at 8:43am PDT
Which skincare products are integral to your routine for achieving your ideal, glowing, well-moisturized complexion, and how/when do you use each of them?
I had a routine down that I was OBSESSED with until it stopped working. I’m the queen of listening to signs–for a couple months everyone around me kept mentioning IS Clinical. I reached out to them, described my skin, and two months later, my skin is the best it’s been in a long time. Here’s the routine:
Morning:
IS Clinical cleanser
Either Moon Juice Beauty Shroom Toner or Royal Fern Toner
IS Clinical Healing Serum
IS Clinical White Lightening
See All 5
Evening:
Koh Gen Do Micellar Water on a Face Halo reusable washcloth thingy
IS Clinical Cleanser
Goop Facial Scrub (two times a week)
Same toners as above (I always leave them on alone for 10 minutes before applying any other products)
IS Clinical Active Serum (GAME CHANGER)
IS Clinical Hydra-Cool Serum
Biologique Recherche Creme Dermopurifiante
Serum C micro-needled into my skin post toner and active serum (I only do this once a week, and I wait 10 minutes before using other serums/cream)
See All 6
Other tips:
Get a food sensitivity panel
Talk to a doc about your hormones
TAKE PROBIOTICS AND DRINK WATER
What about makeup products?
My go-to makeup products are: Clé de Peau concealer, Dior foundation, Chanel blush in rose bronze, Benefit mascara and eyebrow gel, and Dior bronzer and highlighter from the backstage kit.
See All 6
What’s the cheapest product you use regularly and love?
God dammit… Q-tips? Drinking water?
Is there anything you try to avoid, skincare- or makeup-wise?
Anything overly scented. Also, listen–everything for my skincare is pregnancy approved. I know I need to move to natural makeup, too, and it needs to happen ASAP. I’m just putting it off.
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A post shared by Pia Baroncini (@piabaroncini) on Aug 6, 2019 at 6:53pm PDT
Any next-level tips, tricks, or services that you swear by to help you look “lit from within”?
PRP with micro-needling is NUTS. Actually worth every penny. So is Forma if you wanna get snatched.
What’s your go-to product or trick for fixing a skin disaster?
An antibiotic in toner from, or a dermatologist along with a cortisone shot.
Do you do anything differently skincare-wise when you travel?
NEVER dude. Same rule applies to everything in life–CONSISTENCY, BABY. When I’m in cold weather I’ll add some In Fiore Canendula Oil to my face cream so I don’t get dry skin.
What’s something you wish your teenage self knew about taking care of your skin?
Stop eating like shit. Get off birth control.
Photos provided by Pia Baroncini.
The post You Look Moist: Pia Baroncini on Acne-Fighting Skincare and the Two Treatments That Are “Worth Every Penny” appeared first on Man Repeller.
Turns Out Dating in Your 70s Isn’t so Different From Dating in Your 20s
At a street festival in San Francisco, my BFF Ines and I ducked into a spot to listen to a blues band, snagging seats at the bar and ordering Camparis. A man who was just Ines’s type—tall and dapper in a hat and vest—strolled in and took a seat nearby. I gave Ines a wink and excused myself to the restroom, where I checked my phone for 20 minutes. When I emerged, Ines and the man were leaning toward each other, talking and laughing, just as I had predicted.
This wing-woman tale could easily have happened with someone my age, but it didn’t: At the time, Ines was 68 and I was 29. (Jazzfest guy was in his early 60s, leading Ines to exclaim, with delight, that she was a cradle robber.) When Ines and I met, I was new to San Francisco, single, and on OkCupid. She was also single, having been widowed several years before, and was open to meeting people but wasn’t proactively looking for anyone. “I have a great life on my own,” she said. “If someone can add to it, sure, but I don’t need anyone else to be happy.”
As Ines began dating Jazzfest guy, she ran into challenges, including trying to reconcile her planning with his spontaneity—by Saturday morning when he called to make a plan for that evening, she already had tickets to the opera. One time he forgot they had made plans for brunch and instead went golfing with his buddies. “By his age, he should know better!” Ines said.
‘Sadly, I don’t think dating gets less complicated,’ I told her.
I paused to reflect on my dating experiences; all the times I had wanted a different type of relationship than my new match did, and the times I had left a date flushed with excitement only to later delete his number after unreturned texts. “Sadly, I don’t think dating gets less complicated,” I told her.
Jazzfest guy decided he wanted to go steady and asked Ines to be his girlfriend, but Ines wanted companionship without ties. She liked having her place back to herself when he left in the morning. “It sounds like you need to DTR,” I told Ines. “DT what?” she asked. I explained what it meant to have the “define the relationship” talk.
As Ines and I compared our experiences in dating—Ines with Jazzfest guy and other suitors, and me with various OkCupid and Bumble dates—we realized how remarkably similar they were, despite our 40-year age difference. We had both been ghosted, encountered offers of polyamory, and had suitors “slide into our DMs” on social media. At both of our ages, we needed to be able to explain what we were looking for, define boundaries, gauge the other person’s interest, and determine compatibility. At both of our ages, we wanted help from each other to decrypt text messages and pick out date outfits.
‘Remember my email?’ Ines said. ‘I think you’ve found an easygoing relationship.’
Like many good friends, we have seen each other through the enthusiasm of new flames and the sorrow of heartbreak. After one bad breakup, I went over to Ines’ place and cried in her kitchen. She broke out the chocolate, poured me a glass of champagne, and let me cry. She encouraged me to take time to enjoy being by myself, and I did, having her as my model.
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Hugging our way into the new decade! #BFFs #intergenerational #boomer #millennials
A post shared by Inês and Amanda (@acrossages) on Jan 7, 2020 at 4:12pm PST
When I started dating again, she wrote me an email about her relationship philosophy. “I believe there are two types of relationships: one is easygoing and one is tumultuous,” she wrote. “The easygoing kind is more steady, one that requires work towards a common goal: a good life for US, not just you, not just me, US! The tumultuous type has the thrill of fights and make-ups, more competition, and plotting not for the good of us but for the good of you.” Ines explained that her late husband had been in the easygoing category.
When I met my next boyfriend, Derek, it was smoother than other dating experiences, less full of uncertainty. After our first date, he sent me an emoji with heart eyes. After our second date, he deleted Bumble off his phone. A month later, I brought him home for Thanksgiving. “Remember my email?” Ines said. “I think you’ve found an easygoing relationship.”
‘I love being old,’ Ines says. ‘You don’t remember the people who ghost you!’
One evening, several months into what was becoming a serious relationship, I texted Ines to tell her I missed her and felt bad we were not spending as much time together as we used to. “Darling, I always knew this would happen, and I’ve wanted it to happen for you,” she wrote. “You are young and looking for a life partner. I’ve been waiting for this. I am so happy for you.” Ines knew what was coming because she lived it herself before.
Ines and I want the best for each other in all things in life, including love. I keep an Excel spreadsheet of her suitors in my mind: “Has Jim texted?” I’ve asked. “Who’s Jim?” Ines replies. I remind her about the guy who asked for her number at Whole Foods. She cracks up. “I love being old,” Ines says. “You don’t remember the people who ghost you!”
Derek planned his proposal for my birthday party, at a salsa dancing spot on a lake. A week before, he texted a photo of the ring to Ines, who cried with joy. The photo of the proposal shows this: Derek down on one knee, me gasping with delight, and Ines directly in the background, cheering us on.
Amanda is a writer based in Oakland, CA. To see more of Amanda and Ines’ friendship, follow them at @acrossages.
Graphics by Coco Lashar
The post Turns Out Dating in Your 70s Isn’t so Different From Dating in Your 20s appeared first on Man Repeller.
January 17, 2020
Your 2020 Vice, According to the Zodiac
What is virtue without a little vice? We’ve just about reached that point in the month where our New Year’s Resolve is starting to fatigue and our less productive shadow selves (a.k.a. the real us) threaten to resume control of our bodies and force us to do horrible things like sleep under a mountain of laundry or zone out when someone introduces themselves. Things we’d hoped to leave behind with the last decade.
So, in the spirit of resisting black and white thinking (a New Year’s Resolution if I ever heard one) and embracing a little darkness, I’m celebrating all the nasty little vices we’ll be allowed to hang onto this year, according to astrological forces. These are the bad behaviors likeliest to emerge in 2020 per the stars, so we might as well succumb to them now, draft a few defensive talking points, and warn our friends. (They’ll be annoying in the new year, too.)
Aries: Being career-obsessed
You are climbing ladders in 2020, and people around you will know. From brunch to the movies to the laundromat, you are in full networking regalia, with a firm handshake and a crisp elevator pitch at the ready. As eye-roll-worthy as your friends may find this new upstart you, the truth is that your career is and will be hot this year. The next 12 months are prime “shoot your shot” season—if you want it, you’ll go after it. So by 2021, when you’ve nabbed a sweet promotion and entrée into new circles, you’ll have retroactively justified acting like a hotshot this year.
Taurus: Humblebragging
This year is a little bit of a victory lap for you, Taurus. You are or will soon be the recipient of some very good life news—Ph.D. completions, engagements, lottery winnings, etc. And in 2020, armed with excellent cause to celebrate, you may be a little prone to humblebragging. You’re the sign of understated luxury and class, so while you may have it all, you never like to broadcast it… outright. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be tooting your horn in a low-key (or so you think) way. But Taurus, you’re fooling absolutely no one—except maybe yourself—when it comes to your faux-sheepish presentation of your good life. So let your brags be as big as they can be. You can afford to compromise your pristine exterior and be a little gauche like the rest of us. It’s relatable.
Gemini: Talking to everyone except the person you have a problem with
As the communicator of the zodiac, you’re not naturally secretive, Gemini. In fact, it’s your transparency that often forms a foundation of trust—you may not always be nice, but you’re usually pretty obvious when you’ve got an issue with someone. But this year, you’re going to be a little more focused on boundaries and protecting yourself from unnecessary conflict—which sounds lovely and healthy, and we all support you. However, that means your shit-talking may end up taking a more circuitous path around the object of your anger to other, adjacent allies. But by the time they’ll get wind of it, you’ll be halfway over it, so tread carefully.
Cancer: Being a little much about your partner online
While there is officially nothing immoral about being the type of person who captions yet another Instagram with, “He’s all right, I guess…” with a bunch of heart-eye emojis, it’s not cringe-free content, either. The thing is, this year you’ll have good reasons to share some treacly, overly earnest posts about your most significant relationships. Whether you’re getting married, signing on a new collaborator, or just showing up for your friends in a big way, partnerships of every stripe are the headline for you this year. So even though you’re clogging up your friends’ feeds, eliciting mild to strong feelings of nausea, at least you’ll believe you have a perfectly good reason.
Leo: Thinking you can power through instead of resting
Well aren’t you the hero, Leo? The back of your throat feels a little scratchy, so you, what, go for a run anyway? Raise your hand to help your friend move or take on a new assignment at work just to prove a point? You’ve always believed you’re a little invincible, but this year will truly endow you with the good fortune and physical resistance needed to survive your reckless behavior. Doesn’t mean it’s not best practice to go home and load up on vitamin C as soon as you feel the chills—or to rest when you’ve been burning yourself out—but your unusually strong constitution in 2020 may enable you to believe you’re really as invincible as you’ve always believed.
Virgo: Closing Instagram only to open it right back up again
This probably isn’t your year to throw your phone in a river and live off the spoils of the land. While we’re all addicted to our screens, you’re really in the thick of it in 2020, opening apps and then closing them and opening them back up again. (Maybe it’s a metaphor, maybe it’s not.) This little dance is all the more compelling because it has ritualistic properties: you wake up, grab your phone, scroll the feed, fire off some takes, rinse and repeat. And you’re nothing if not a creature of habit, Virgo—whether those habits are helpful or harmful. But this one can function as a conduit for your prolific mind this year, as you will be feeling more expressive than ever. You may suffer the occasional thumb cramp (and the ongoing deterioration of attention span), but at least the content will be good!
Libra: Leaving without saying goodbye
Parting is more sweetness than sorrow when you never have to look at someone’s boo boo lip as they try to persuade you to stay out past 9 p.m. In 2020, your destiny is to Irish goodbye wherever you go, removing the most powerful threat to your iron resolve: peer pressure. Without the opinions of others influencing your judgment, you’ll have the space to go to bed early, wake up with the sun, peruse your morning newsletters, enjoy a fresh nectarine, and a jog around your neighborhood before strolling into work, glowing with endorphins and the relaxed shoulders of a live well lived. Mornings like that are well worth cutting an evening short.
Scorpio: Not texting back in a timely manner (or ever)
You’re not going to be better at texting this year. I would tell you to inform your friends, but you would never do that, at least not in a way that would be easily understood. In 2020, communication is going to be a key theme for you, and you’ll want to understand and be understood more than usual. But your tactics are rarely so straightforward—Scorpios would rather avert their gaze and create an unsettling chill in a room that connotes a certain displeasure rather than walk up to someone and give them grief to their face. Your instincts for subtlety (or obfuscation, depending on the generosity of the interpreter) are about self-protection—you’d prefer to limit access to information that can be used against you. But you’ll be caught in the tension between wanting to be seen and heard and… never ever wanting to be seen or heard. So we’ll expect to hear from you quarterly with a confusing emoji that somehow says it all.
Sagittarius: Retail therapy
You, Sagittarius, unmaterialistic creature of letters and philosophy and obscure baseball statistics, are going to indulge in one of the most off-brand habits in 2020: retail therapy. You will find a lot of satisfaction in the comforts of the physical world, and if you have to fork over some dough to get that rush, you’re more likely than ever to do so. (I recommend shopping second-hand for the planet’s sake.) But here’s the twist: This is a money-making year for you. If you’re looking for gainful employment, you will likely find it, and if you stay in the same job, you may be showered with raises, bonuses, or commissions. So the happy ending is that you’re picking up not only an expensive habit, but the means to pay for it.
Capricorn: Putting yourself first in your relationship
I’m not saying this won’t be the year you find love, Capricorn. It might even be the most glittery and romantic 12 months you’ve had in a while, whether you’re shacked up or looking or neither. But when it comes to prioritizing your needs, your mental health, and your sense of autonomy over softer, lovier-dovier concerns, you’re all in for yourself in 2020. That’s wonderful news for everyone except maybe your partner, who will need a thick skin, some serious instincts for independence, and clarity around what is merely annoying vs. a deal-breaker. But if your relationship can weather a year of you figuring out what you need, it’ll survive many more than that.
Aquarius: Flaking out on plans
You might argue this isn’t a vice, Aquarius, especially since you see most social commitments as loose at-will agreements based on the contingency that you’re exempt if you enter an indoor cat kind of mood. This year, you’re very much an indoor cat. You’re going to need a lot of alone time and a strong sense of personal space and freedom. You’re cocooning and transforming this year, and, more than any other sign, you have the highest potential to emerge a resplendent and glorious butterfly by December. And that means that, in 2020, your standing RSVP to any social engagement is a solid maybe.
Pisces: Outsourcing your self-esteem to others
Everyone likes a little attention, Pisces, but you might like it a little too much in 2020. The taste of external validation has addictive properties, we’re told, and you’re more likely than ever to succumb to its siren call and lean on compliments and the adoration of others to buoy your own self-image. But you can forgive yourself for these sins in advance, Pisces, because you’re going to be quite popular this year. Your magnetism was never in question, but you’ll find yourself invited everywhere and naturally making friends and connections at an exponential pace. So while it’s risky to put all your self-esteem eggs in the basket of other people’s affection, you can at least diversify by having many, many baskets.
Graphic by Maggie Hoyle
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3 Extremely Sincere Outfits Inspired by ‘Uncut Gems’
Adam Sandler has definitely always been kind of hot, right?
Remember that scene in Happy Gilmore when he berated a golf ball for five minutes while wearing blueberry colored pants and a massive Bruins jersey? Or his rendition of “Holiday” in The Wedding Singer? (That mullet! That iridescent red suit!). His sad man aesthetic in Punch Drunk Love also struck an especial chord with early-aughts me.
Sandler’s style definitely plays a role in his particular brand of schlub-dad sex appeal. He owns so many pairs of mid-calf-grazing basketball shorts it launched an investigation at BuzzFeed. Still, I was unprepared for the sartorial incursion that his character Howard Ratner puts forth in Uncut Gems, and I’m compelled to make the case that his Soprano’s-style leather shirt-jacket is 2020’s most unlikely aesthetic hero.
In trying to pinpoint why I was so taken with Ratner’s borderline offensive fashion choices, I keep coming back to the word “sincerity.” When he wears a Ferragamo logo belt in tandem with Ferragamo loafers, it’s not a ploy to keep up with the logo-mania that currently plagues us; it’s a palpably sincere attempt at dressing in a way he thinks will summon respect and, of course, sales.
If “palpably sincere” is the thread that holds Ratner’s clothes together, his going-out top is the final stitch. In one particularly resonant scene, Ratner meets his younger, hotter, smarter, girlfriend (played remarkably by Julia Fox) at 1Oak, wearing an ensemble that not even the signature red glow of the club could obscure. Ratner, in his pink button down and double pleat pants, resembles an actual salmon swimming upstream in a river of oversized hoodies and sweats. It’s a brilliant, albeit unintentional, reminder that it’s OK–even admirable–to try.
Encouraged by this open display of sartorial effort, I decided to dabble in a little sincerity of my own. Below, three extremely sincere Uncut Gems-inspired outfits, for your consideration.
My reflection mirrored a harsh reality back at me when I realized I had chosen an outfit that was a carbon copy of my father in 1985 (undone buttons and all). In truth, this is an outfit I might have worn BHR (Before Howard Ratner) save for the matching gold hardware on my belt and shoes. The Safdie brothers are known for their naturalistic style of filmmaking, and they spent years habituating to NYC’s Diamond District, where the majority of Uncut Gems takes place, noting and getting to know the men and women who worked there—how they walked, talked, and dressed. There were a lot of Ferragamo belts matched to Ferragamo shoes and Cartier glasses so minuscule they’d make even Bella Hadid blush. When searching for a leather jacket, look for one that says, “Yes, there is an unwrapped Werther’s Orig in the pocket.”
The most hectic scene in Uncut Gems arguably takes place inside (and then curbside) of notorious NYC club 1Oak. Howard wears a salmon-colored button down shirt with double pleated trousers, looking like the personification of what Liana Satenstein of Vogue perfectly dubbed, “schmuck style.” Watching the scene, you can’t help but feel a pang of pity for the guy who thought it was still cool to get dressed up for the club. The effort inspired me to layer two silk-printed button downs on top one another–paisley has always been a bit misunderstood, hasn’t it?
The bottom half of this outfit felt very Willy Loman meets Havana, and that seemed appropriate, because Howard Ratner is indeed a salesman with a lot of hubris and a little bit of swagger. Also—if I had to guess, he is most definitely the type of man who wears a white tank top underneath his clothes.
Pre-Uncut Gems, going sock-less in color block loafers would have offended me on a visceral level. Pairing them with wide-hemmed pants might have sent me over the edge. But in addition to challenging my credo, Howard Ratner has shaken a sense of ennui I had regarding my wardrobe. Once I gave myself permission to try harder (even if I looked like a schmuck in the process), I was able to dress in a way that felt more inherently me. So I thank Howie Ratner—and most importantly, stylist Miyako Bellizzi—for reviving a sense of style that is flamboyant but unpretentious, intentional but unenlightened, void of irony and without a single crewneck sweatshirt in sight. And I thank my closet’s preexisting DNA for being 89% patent leather, 11% questionable prints.
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Photos by Franey Miller; Movie Stills via A24.
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Trust Me, Try It: A Hot Bean Bag for Your Weary Feet
Following your dreams and falling in love are great, but have you ever had a glass of water when you were insanely thirsty? Or rubbed your feet after wearing uncomfortable shoes? Or had an orgasm and scratched a mosquito bite at the same time? (My 2020 goal.) Few things in life give me the sensation of genuine ecstasy, so when I discover a new one I feel like a fucking genius. Like I’m powerful enough to stop time long enough to think everything’s going to be okay. For a minute at least.
That’s how I felt when I discovered the unmitigated pleasure of going to bed with a hot bag of flax seeds on my feet.
It started with a microwaveable heating pad my mom gave me years ago for aches and pains. (It’s always moms.) I’d carted it around for years before unearthing it four months ago and realizing it’s the best object I own. I initially pulled it out for a spasm in my back, and soon Avi and I started using it for everything from sore muscles to period cramps, unaware that we had yet to discover its divine purpose in life: to warm my ice cold bedtime feet. It happened by accident—a mere slipping of the pad from uterus to leg, and then to an errant foot, at which point I immediately knew.
How can I explain how good it is to get in bed with blood-less, shivering leg stumps and place them upon (or around, or under) a hot, squishy object? It’s perfect. It’s a cold soda and a warm car and a first kiss all rolled into one. It’s the feeling of seeing a white light and wanting to move toward it with radical acceptance (I imagine).
It’s the best part of my evening by far, no offense to my boyfriend and pet. And it’s so simple! It was there all along! Eventually I upgraded from my mom’s pad with a strap to what is essentially a happiness beanbag filled with flax seeds. I found it on Amazon and it sounds like a rainstick and smells like a spa. Every night I microwave it for two minutes while I’m brushing my teeth, place it under my comforter right where my feet go, then climb in and scream about the virtue of warmth like I’ve just discovered it. It’s that arresting. And it’s $30. So join me, cold-footed freaks. It will make your winter.
Photos by Alexis Jesup of Colors Collective. Featuring Jaggar shoes, Sleeper pants, Darner socks.
The post Trust Me, Try It: A Hot Bean Bag for Your Weary Feet appeared first on Man Repeller.
January 16, 2020
How to Make Your Puffer the Best Part of Your Outfit
Historically, my puffer coats have always epitomized the necessity-laden bent of getting dressed in the winter: heavy on the utility, lacking in aesthetic personality. An enormous, puffy coat is also often the very thing that denies the remainder of my outfits their opportunity to express a modicum of personality, because it covers everything up! I am thus forced to waddle to and fro in a giant, unmemorable duvet with arms, looking like every other frozen human on the street.
But this winter, I vowed to show my puffer coat who’s boss. Instead of letting it wear me, I challenged myself to figure out how to do things the other way around. My ultimate goal? To prove to myself, and the world, that a puffer can be more than just a practical necessity; it can actually be a stylistic enhancement that works in tandem with the rest of an outfit.
I enlisted THE one and only Crystal Shawnté Anderson to assist in the experiment, and if I can brag for a quick second, I’m pretty pleased with our results. Scroll below for three ways to make a puffer coat look intentional, and meet us in the comments for further parsing.
The Five Day Work Week
The Ideal Canvas: A neutral puffer! Think of it as a base instead of a top layer that covers everything else up. It’s not an afterthought, it’s part of the main event, and thus should mesh with a wide array of colors and patterns.
Styling Ideas: Layer it under a vest, or belt it and pull it slightly open for a pop of color and texture.
I love that this puffer we’re both wearing is collarless. It really lends itself to layering with something hooded, or a collar over collar situation. I belted the coat to give it some shape (puffers can look like sacs sometimes, right?) and kept my shoes walkable because I am like to traverse the Williamsburg bridge. In this scenario I imagine myself taking the coat off once I get to the office and re-belting the vest I have underneath. Easy! Did I mention this coat is on sale for $36? Meanwhile, Crystal incorporated the jacket as a true layer to her outfit, wearing a furry vest over it. She paired her cozy coat with shoes from the new Rosetta Getty x ECCO collaboration, which apparently feel like clouds.
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Saturday Night Live
The Ideal Canvas: A puffer that functions as a statement piece while still keeping you warm. Look for something with an “it” factor–like a cool color, a distinct silhouette, details or features like slanted pockets, a drawstring waist, side zippers, or an asymmetric hem.
Styling Ideas: Scrunch up the sleeves and pair with long gloves, or turn it into a puffer crop top if your coat happens to have a slit like this one.
I tend to cancel plans or not make them at all in the winter because it feels impossible to look how I want to look (for me, a critical component of “going out”). But as soon as I began entertaining the possibilities of using a puffer coat as the basis of my Saturday night ensemble instead of the death of it, my preconceived notions were cracked wide open like a walnut. This particular puffer is perfect for the occasion because of all the interesting details, like the cinch-able waist and side slits. Paired with a long gloves, a colorful jacket underneath, festive heels, pearls, and my trusty Heattech tights, I was actually warm and pleased with my party outfit. Crystal said the same of her respective concoction, which involved unzipping the sides and tying the two front flaps around her waist. With a metallic pair of party shoes and an orange faux fur headband to contrast the purple jacket, she is my new winter style icon–a reality only reinforced by the fact that she made her fringed jeans herself.
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Sunday Strolling
The Ideal Canvas: A uniquely puffy puffer–one that feels like an endless bear hug!
Styling Ideas: Identify a winter style persona (i.e. “human marshmallow” or “après-ski bum”) and pursue it with a vengeance.
When I think of a stylish puffer coat I think of something Princess Diana might have worn while skiing–the ultimate example of looking elegant and sporty all at the same time, which is incidentally a great combination of adjectives for running errands on the weekend. I leaned into this persona with a fairisle sweater and a headband (again, thank you Princess Diana) to keep my ears toasty. The addition of stirrup leggings and comfortable lug sole boots made me feel like I should be in a cabin with hot chocolate. That’s how skiing works, right?
Speaking of hot chocolate, Crystal moonlighted as the human equivalent of a marshmallow with a puffer onesie under her peachy, puffy coat. I loved that she kept the outfit casual and thus practical with a pair of her favorite sneakers while still serving up a look that would turn heads.
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Any other puffer qualms you need tackled? Or other style conundrums we can help address in general? Feel free to share them in the comments below.
11 PHOTOS
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Photos by Franey Miller.
The post How to Make Your Puffer the Best Part of Your Outfit appeared first on Man Repeller.
Do Teens Still Party? We Asked Them
Many concerned adults would like to know: Are all teenagers going out like the beautiful and troubled youths in Euphoria? The HBO teen show depicts a world in which teens are constantly going out (in very elaborate makeup), drinking to excess, and doing hard drugs, and its popularity among young people has some older viewers concerned that life will imitate art. At the same time, the panic over screen time has some of the same grown-ups worrying that young people aren’t going out enough. So what’s the truth? Have they all retreated behind their computers and phones? Are they staying in to play The Sims and/or organize a walkout for climate change at their high school? Which! Is! It!
The best way to figure this out? Ask them, of course. So we inquired about whether teens are still partying in 2020, and if so, what partying looks like these days. What does it really mean to “go out” as a teen in 2020? What do they wear? Which fictional parties do they wish they could go to? And are Juuls on their way out or just getting started? Let’s get into it!
“Going out” means approximately one million things
“I’d say ‘going out’ means a bar or club, somewhere public. I don’t think I’d usually refer to a party at someone’s house as ‘going out’” —Sophia, 18, New York
“Anywhere with drinking, music, and more than 10 people” —Melia, 19, North Carolina
“From clubs to parking lots, going out means literally getting out of the house at night to have a good time with friends.” —Teresa, 19, Barcelona, Spain
“‘Going out’ usually means hanging at one of my friends’ houses (with just my group of friends) and then maybe going through the McDonald’s drive thru for McFlurries at the end of the night.” —Lyla, 17, Minnesota
“‘Going out’ translates to ‘dinner with a friend in town’ or ‘get high or drunk in an acquaintance’s basement’ or ‘go for a drive with a friend and music.’” —Peiper, 17, New Hampshire
“House parties! Since we have more space than a city like New York, we have parties mainly in backyards.” —Claire, 18, California
“Hang out with friends in somebody’s dorm room, try not to get busted by the RAs. Sometimes, we go dancing at the gay club.” —Sophia, 19, Massachusetts
Partying is not exclusively for the weekend
“I don’t go out on Fridays—Thursdays are much more popular. I go out on Saturdays just to spend time with people and not look like a total recluse.” —Meghan, 18, Tennessee
“[On weekends] I stay home finishing up some homework, and FaceTiming my best friend. I know it might not sound like a stereotypical teenage night, but it’s relaxing. I need to recharge after my weekly burnout.” —Sophie, 17, Pennsylvania
“When I was in high school, one weekend night would be a ‘going out’ night (party) while the other would usually be reserved for family time or ‘wholesome’ friend time (aka girls only, getting dinner or watching a movie). In college, I’ll typically go out on Fridays and Saturdays (and usually at least one other day between Tuesday and Thursday).” —Emma, 19, Pennsylvania
“Honestly [the weekend] starts with plans to go out, but ends with grabbing snacks at CVS and watching a movie in our pajamas.” —Peri, 19, Massachusetts
Yep, they drink
We asked the teens in our survey about how often their peer group’s partying involves drinking and drugs. 61% said always, 33% said sometimes, and 6% said never. Please be safe out there, guys.
Parties might be invite only, but often they’re open
Invite-only parties were slightly more common than open ones among the teens we talked to, at 50.2%.
They hope the future of their partying is fancier (which, same)
“I hope for cute intimate dinner parties/salons with my cool friends where people still dress up but there’s also food. (Going out now doesn’t really ever include food, which is truly unfortunate.)” —Sophia, 18, New York
“Drinks with my coworkers, double couple dates, and hopefully some extravagant charity functions.” —Brie, 18, North Carolina
“Probably fancy dinners and expensive cocktails afterwards. Hopefully going to the ballet and opera and the occasional hangout at my friends’ houses.” —Marco, 19, Milan, Italy
“I imagine I’ll still be “going out” to smaller parties and bars, but definitely not in the way I do now. Someone please intervene if I’m still going to frat parties at 29!” —Emma, 19, Pennsylvania
“Hopefully more often. I feel a lot of pressure in my school to always be working, so I can go to the best college. I think that once I get a stable job, I will finally being able to relax and enjoy ‘going out.’” —Sophie, 17, Pennsylvania
“Maybe more house parties/ dinner parties. Maybe going to more ‘opening’ parties and book releases à la Sex and the City.” —Ila, 19, Amsterdam
TV shows and movies with ideal parties
Booksmart
Gossip Girl
Euphoria
10 Things I Hate About You
Gilmore Girls (specifically Logan’s parties)
Mean Girls
Sex and the City
Pose
Russian Doll
The Great Gatsby (2013)
Girls
Mamma Mia!
Skins
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Lady Bird
Sex Education
Downton Abbey
Little Women
Project X
Clueless
Their going out playlists are full of throwbacks
“‘Let’s Go Crazy’ by Prince.” —Leïla, 19, Paris
“Fergie always.” —Camille, 19, New York
“Anything that has a lot of bass that I can thrash around to in my friend’s car.” —Eleanor, 17, Oregon
“Bar mitzvah bops 
The 3 Most Important Winter Staples Are All on Sale Right Now
Toward the end of 2019, probably starting around Thanksgiving, I noticed myself playing with the same rotation of garments every day: 1) a warm top–usually a knit of some sort–that I can decorate with jewelry or layer with blazers or jackets; 2) trousers on weekdays, jeans on Fridays, and cozy stretchy pants on the weekends; and 3) boots that work well with the hemline of my pants or make it easy for pants to be tucked into them. These three elements— knitwear, pants, and boots—are what I call the winter trifecta (starting now, anyways) and are the basis of my most reliable outfit template for cold weather.
If you have a shortage of these mainstay items and don’t want to pay full-price in the effort to acquire more, I’m about to rock your world—because we are currently in the midst of peak winter sale season. I first noticed how great the sales are right now when Maggie and I started chatting about Mango’s current offerings. (In particular, these pants, which are the sort of pants you can wear every single day with a different top.) I then turned my attention to Shopbop’s truly incredible sale section, specifically this fringed knit which would look great both with a collared shirt under it and, alternatively, with several gold necklaces. Suddenly I found myself cruising around the sale pages of Net-a-Porter, The OUTNET (both up to 80% off), and then Need Supply (which, full disclosure, always has a fantastic sale section). A few things I was previously eyeing are on extreme markdown, like these tall black boots, which are half off. Once I realized that SSENSE is running a 70% off sale (which ends tonight!), I knew I was morally obligated to aggregate all of this information for the good of the internet. Scroll down for a curation of the best winter staples that are on sale at the moment.
Sweaters That Feel Like a Hug
My favorite winter purchase thus far is a fringed sweater very similar to this $65 one. I can already tell that it will last me for multiple seasons, perpetually on-trend and cozy for years to come. Speaking of (what else?) sweaters, I love this color block turtleneck one, ideally worn French-tucked into a pair of wool trousers. I’m also eyeing this oversized swiggled gem from Rachel Comey, which I would wear with leggings in après-ski form. Speaking of après-ski–check out this Jason Wu fair-isle guy for just over 100 dollars! I also can’t stop thinking about this long cardigan, belted as a dress or over some cozy knit pants. I’ll channel Leandra with a collar under this floral embroidered knit that is 75% off. Over at Net-a-Porter with up to 80% off, I found this colorful Missoni v-neck and this mohair striped number for 100 bucks. If these are all too crazy for you, what about this cozy striped knit or this $62 grey knitwear staple? And run don’t walk to this MSGM silver lurex contender and this delicious beige Isabel Marant turtleneck, both of which are on heavy sale at SSENSE–but only until end of day today!
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Boots You’ll Be So Glad You Waited to Buy
Ah, my favorite category on earth: shoes! Specifically boots! And they’re all on sale!!!! I own these and delight in how easily they dress up a pair of joggers/sweatpants/leggings/any number of home clothes. Eva Chen has posted these to her stories multiple times, and I always love the way they look. They’re now 60% off! These beloved Ganni western bad boys? Also now on sale. Or maybe you prefer these classic ones for $120? Or a classic tall black boot that I would wear with a mini skirt or shorts suit when it gets a tad bit warmer? Since I know so many of you love a good cow print, these heeled guys are $69 and worth a peek. Keeping with the animal print theme, these and these snake print ones are too good to resist. Then there’s Stella McCartney coming in hot with these weatherproof ones. I am a big fan of these and these, too. It looks like I could climb a mountain in both of them, however I’ll probably just climb Bleecker street. Last but not least, I bought these cold weather boots five years ago when I first started at Man Repeller and still wear them to this (very brisk) day. Highly recommend.
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Pants to Get You Through The First Snow Storm and Then Some
I just impulsively bought these Toteme pants from SSENSE for $100 (I repeat: their sale only goes until end of day!) because as I cannot resist an excellent discounted trouser, and I know I will wear these a ton. Potential outfit ideas include: with a shrunken cardigan, with a ribbed tank and blazer, and with a turtleneck and nothing else à la Steve Jobs. I also own these and love these, which are now 70% off. If you’re in the market for jeans, these high-rise ones from GRLFRND and these from Eve Denim both fit REALLY, really well and are 50% and 70% off, respectively. These classic dark wash ones from FRAME are $98 and give off the perfect dressed-up vibe. You could wear them with a fancy blouse and heels and look like a million bucks, if I do say so myself. And for you risk-takers out there, take a gander at this red pair by L.F. Markey that I have in a different color but now want in red to wear with a red top and moonlight as the tomato I was always meant to be. OMG and how cool are these with the massive belt with one size L left???! They’re $50!!!! On another note, these front zip trousers would look great with a high pair of boots and a tonal sweater. Layer with pearls for good measure. Oh and Mango’s having a 70% off sale, and these $30 pants I mentioned already are high on my list (and come in several colors). Also stretchy and versatile are these grey kick-flare ones for $35! Channel my friend and co-worker Crystal Anderson with these skinny PVC lilac pants or these statement zipper glossed ones. While not cheap (but still highly discounted) I would also gladly crown these, these or these my perfect cold weather trouser. Speaking of wintry plaid (unless that was just me talking to myself?), these are also great and $38. And finally, I’d wear these or these ribbed ones for cozying around on the weekend with my puffer coat.
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Let me know what you’re eyeing, what you getting, and what you’re looking for in the comments below. We’re in this together!
Feature photos by Tory Rust.
The post The 3 Most Important Winter Staples Are All on Sale Right Now appeared first on Man Repeller.
January 15, 2020
Ask MR: Are We=Our Stuff?
Hello and welcome to our advice column, Ask MR, where we answer your burning questions, hoping we’ll become the ointment to your life rash. Ask us a question by sending one of us a DM, emailing write@manrepeller.com with the subject line “ASK MR A QUESTION,” or simply leaving one in the comments.
Are we=our stuff?
This must be the shortest Ask MR question we’ve ever received, and while I’m not sure I know the answer of whether we’re defined by our stuff, I’ve decided to attack it like I’m Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind and manrepeller.com is my library window, minus the implication that I’m a genius. It is Consumption Month.
When I lived in San Francisco, one of my favorite vintage stores was this massive warehouse jam-packed with old furniture and homewares called STUFF. I never bought anything there, but I’d stop in on my way to and from places to poke around. I loved how chaotic and self-aware it was—it did not purport to sell antiques or treasures or curiosities… it just sold STUFF. And that’s exactly what it was. A hodgepodge of things that no one probably needed until they did.
What is “stuff”? As much as I usually appreciate a precise word, there’s something satisfyingly vague about it. You can love the stuff or hate the stuff. You can do stuff in an alley behind a bar. You can think that’s the good stuff. You can end almost any sentence with and that kind of stuff. You can drop off your ex-girlfriend’s stuff or move abroad and leave everything behind because it’s just STUFF.
My stuff revolves around me like false confidence; it’s more impactful from afar.
In that sense, per your question, I guess we both are our stuff and aren’t. Because just like stuff, who we are changes depending on the context. To a random person on the A train, I’m probably the sum of the stuff I’m wearing, whether it provides an accurate reading or not. To people on Instagram, I’m as interesting or boring as the stuff I post, but also the voice of my captions and the style of my photos, which means I’m only kind of my stuff. To my loved ones, my material possessions function more like additional information than a definition. My stuff revolves around me like false confidence; it’s more impactful from afar.
But it seems like your question is responding to the human habit of defining ourselves by what we buy, which is a pressing issue right now. Not only because our attachment to material goods and businesses’ willingness to exploit it (and anything) for cash is destroying the planet, but also because our modes of communication have become increasingly reliant on aesthetics. When the internet is our primary means of connection, when we’re forced to perform ourselves online so that others can understand us quickly and in the ways we’d like, it makes sense that we’d become hyper-focused on what our stuff says about us. And who we could be if it changed.
I’d still rather be a compelling person with no stuff than a boring person with compelling stuff.
Who would you be if you had different stuff? When you accumulate more stuff, or pare it down, do you change? For me, those shifts temporarily transform how I feel, which is important, but I’m not sure I myself am any different. I’m just me, with better taste, a cooler couch, or less junk. As I get older and smarter about the stuff I want, I’m getting better at communicating who I am to other people without talking. And better at understanding how the things around me impact my environment. But neither of those really inform who I am at my core. I’d still rather be a compelling person with no stuff than a boring person with compelling stuff.
We are nuanced and mercurial creatures, with desires and fears so deep and huge we can’t always express them. That’s when stuff can help. It can tell a story about our inner worlds that’s tangible and simple. It can help us draw conclusions about each other without sitting down for an hour and spilling our guts. Ideally, our stuff is informed by our values, too. It can reassure us of who we are, or bring us together because she likes that thing, too. That’s not nothing. It’s the power of non-verbal expression.
But not everyone has the time, interest, and resources to do that kind of work, and that’s why stuff can be a perilous conduit for our instinct to judge. Because when we’re feeling seen and known on a deeper level by the people around us and by ourselves, or feel that way about others, I think stuff has a way of disappearing into the background, of becoming something we poke around in on our way to and from something, but never the destination itself.
In the end, the math isn’t simple, but it’s clear enough. Our stuff is additive, occasionally helpful and comforting, but it isn’t everything. It’s a medium with limits. It’s a response to who we are, not who we are. And when we equate those two things, or invert them, I think we risk losing sight of the fact that our stuff is often the least interesting thing about us.
Photos by Cody Guilfoyle. Prop styling by Sara Schipani. Art Direction by Sabrina Santiago and Lorenza Centi.
The post Ask MR: Are We=Our Stuff? appeared first on Man Repeller.
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