Leandra Medine's Blog, page 19

*Exactly* How to Write a Letter Politicians Can’t Ignore

No one is born having already written a letter to their representative, by which I mean there’s a first time for everything, and one of those everythings may be telling your legislator where you stand on an issue or policy. Below, we’ve synthesized the prevailing advice from experts and expert organizations (like legislative aides and the ACLU) into a short and sweet guide for writing a really effective letter to your rep. It all starts here, by looking up who represents you by zip code. Time to put those stamps to good use.

The post *Exactly* How to Write a Letter Politicians Can’t Ignore appeared first on Man Repeller.

I Tried 3 Hyped-Up Beauty Products That Claim to Work While You Snooze

They say nothing great happens overnight, but I’m here to tell you that this is simply untrue. In fact, there’s a whole beauty product category that takes the concept of “sleeping beauty” quite literally—polishing, softening, smoothing, and plump-ifying your face, your hair, and sometimes your bod while you sleep. I spent a week sleeping with a few of the most hyped-up overnight beauty products, to determine which ones are the equivalent of Christmas morning and which ones are just that—hype.

The Creamy Face Mask That’s Like Fancy Chip Dip for Your Face

The product: Glow Recipe Avocado Melt Retinol Sleeping Face Mask, $49 

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This evolved sleeping mask exfoliates, hydrates, and “anti-ages,” with PHA (a gentle chemical exfoliant), retinol, and, obviously, avocado. Retinol products are always a bit of a Minesweeper situation for me—I think I’m fine using them multiple times a week, and then my skin suddenly gets upset and rashy after one too many applications.

The application: This rich, creamy formula sinks into your skin invisibly—no green face to speak of.

How I went to bed: Nicely buttered-up, but no obvious-looking or -feeling goop on my face.

How I woke up: My face felt nice and soft, not “plumped” per se, but certainly more velvety. I think this is the type of thing you have to do more than once a week to reap noticeable benefits, but for the purpose of a one-time trial, it’s definitely promising.

You should get this if: You suffer from dryness combined with breakouts.

The Shower Caps That Are the Beauty Product Equivalent of Every   Makeover Montage Ever

The product: Briogeo Don’t Despair, Repair! Deep Conditioning Hair Cap System Kit, $36

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A recovering bleach-head, my natural hair texture is thick, coarse, and always dry on the ends. I also have two face-framing flaps that are still fully bleached, so those are dry and porous as well. With four packs to a box, this hair treatment comes with a packet of conditioner and a reusable shower cap, which is lined with an essence-like hair treatment. And while it doesn’t technically tell you to sleep with it in, you totally can, and many people do. 

The application: This takes a bit of planning if you’re particular about when you wash your hair. I’m a night-showerer so it was pretty convenient for me—I just washed my hair like usual, but instead of conditioning, I towel-dried and then smeared this in my hair, smooshing it all into the shower cap. Sexy.

How I went to bed: It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but I had slight anxiety that the shower cap would slide off my head, then I’d be buttering up my silk pillowcases all night. (Easy fix: I put a towel over the pillow.) 

How I woke up: With the shower cap still fully on my head. (Phew.) Rinsing this off, my hair felt incredibly silky. Air-drying (the true test) yielded a calmed-down head of hair, which was super-soft instead of bristly and slightly wiry. You know how freshly washed hair looks a bit like a cat puffing up? None of that! I tend to wash my hair two or three times a week, and I’d definitely keep this in my regular rotation. 

You should get this if: Your hair is damaged beyond repair, and you don’t have the time or patience to wait around all day to do a treatment.

The Overnight Lip Mask That’s Your Tireless Defender Against Inflamed, Itchy, Dry Lips

The Product: Bite Beauty Agave+ Nighttime Lip Therapy, $24

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My lips get SO thirsty come bedtime, so my nightstand is a repository for lip treatments, should I need them. This one stands out as it’s got stamina, and I mean that in the most earnest, non-entendre-way possible. 

The application: It’s a lip balm, so that’s pretty self-explanatory. Since it’s in a pot, the brand decided to include an adorably teeny spatula… which I ditched pretty early on, since using the spatula to smear it on my lips wasn’t too different than smashing my digit in there and smearing it on (it’s not like I’m sharing it, what?). Keeping a spatula in a pot of lip balm feels too chaotic for me. 

How I went to bed: My apartment tends to make my lips uncomfortably itchy and dry. However, I lately fell victim to a rash from some lip product that has betrayed me, so things have been especially dire.

How I woke up: The lip balm itself either absorbed fully or dissipated throughout the night. What I did notice in the morning was…nothing—no itchiness, no parched, tight feeling that usually has me reaching for any kind of grease to soothe my inflamed lips. Wow. Huh. This is what peace feels like.

You should get this if: You, too, suffer from compromised lip issues. This is a decadent, effective treatment — and it’s vegan and cruelty-free, if that’s your thing. (Lots of the good balms have lanolin, which isn’t technically vegan, even if it is cruelty-free). Yes, it is $22 (I know), but it’s also generously portioned and majorly soothing and moisturizing. 

Sleeping yourself beautiful is a great “lazy girl” hack for waking up feeling like you did something gorgeous and productive all night. But like many beauty tasks, it can be tedious as well—especially if you tend to zone out doing your nighttime routine and autopilot through it, completely forgetting to use your special night products! (I do this often because I’m easily distracted.) 

I do really enjoy waking up looking a bit more zhushed than usual, but as an indulgent side-sleeper, these overnight face masks can be a bit tricky. I’ll definitely keep all three of these items in my rotation. I don’t think I could do those hand or feet masks where you have to wear plastic bags over them—so claustrophobic! Overnight beauty is a brilliant idea, but I have my limits. 

What do you do or use to sleep your way beautiful?

The post I Tried 3 Hyped-Up Beauty Products That Claim to Work While You Snooze appeared first on Man Repeller.

The MR Writers Club Is Back & We Are Very Excited About It

Remember the Man Repeller Writers Club? Remember how much you loved it? Remember how much WE loved it? (Take our word for it: We did. We do.)

We’ve taken some time to think about how we can make it a bigger, better experience for everyone involved, and today it’s getting a relaunch. The New and Improved MR Writer’s Club goes like this:

Each month, Man Repeller will offer up a writing prompt and give you a deadline to submit your writing. (This part is basically the same as before.)
Here’s where it starts getting better: The MR team will dedicate one day every month to reading, discussing, and responding to all of the submissions! We’re calling it MR Writers Club Day (maybe not the most inventive name, but at least there will be pizza).
Rather than simply selecting and publishing just one winner every month, we’ll invite a group of writers who submitted awesome pieces to workshop their essays with each other and the MR team via Zoom.
Last but not least: We’ll publish one winner on the site, and everyone else will be invited to a private Writers Club FB group where they can share their finished pieces (if they so desire) and continue to network and chat with other writerly community members.

Why the changes? We want to be able to spend more time investing in emerging writers and we want to be able to connect those emerging writers to each other. Our hope is that this will be a more fulfilling process for a lot more people.

Still with us? Excellent. Here’s our next prompt:

Lately, we’ve been meditating on the word “togetherness.” Tell us a story about something that made you feel like a piece of something larger than yourself, or a moment that instilled a sense of unity in you. We’re down to hear about this experience at any time in your life, but we’d be particularly interested to hear about occurrences of this feeling during the era of social distancing.

Please send your submissions (of 600 words or fewer) to writersclub@manrepeller.com by Monday, July 6 at 9:30am EST. 

The post The MR Writers Club Is Back & We Are Very Excited About It appeared first on Man Repeller.

How to Do Anything: Destress From Too Much Time at Your Desk

Spending too much time in one position—whatever the reason may be—takes a physical toll, but it can chip away at your mental state, too. So we asked pilates instructor Nwando Emejulu to share small but impactful stretches that alleviate stress. They’re mostly intended to counteract the effects of sitting for long periods, but would also be a beneficial means of physical and mental relief for those who have been marching in protests. Nwando is taking it from here!

Stretch Your Traps

Hold one side of your head with the opposite hand, and then gently pull down—the sensation should feel like someone is pushing your shoulder away in an oppositional stretch. Hold for 30 seconds, then do the next side.

Stretch Your Neck

Put both hands behind the back of your neck and apply as much pressure with your hands as you can, but keep it nice and gentle. Maintain this pressure for 30 seconds, and breathe deeply—the more you breathe, the more your muscles will relax. 

Stretch Your Shoulders

Extend one arm across your chest and hook the other under it to hold and stretch, for 30 seconds or until you feel a release in your shoulder and upper back. Then do the same on the other side.

Stretch Your Chest 

Stand up, clasp your hands behind you, and open your chest. Keep your knees really soft here, and pretend that someone is stretching your collarbone as wide as possible. Then lean forward, bringing your chest as close as possible to your thighs, with your arms lifted behind you, toward the ceiling. This is very intense for the shoulders, so be gentle, but it will give you amazing posture if you do it regularly. 

Stretch Your Hip Flexors and Hamstrings

Hip flexors also get really tight from sitting a lot. Do a runner’s lunge with one knee down and the other foot forward. Keep your spine tall, and elongate your hips while simultaneously stretching your quads. Then straighten your front leg, bringing the chest forward to stretch your hamstring—which gets tight from sitting, too. Breathe in! Hold for 30 seconds, then switch legs. 

Stretch Your Lower Back

“Happy Baby” pose is great for stretching the lower back. First, lay on the ground. Bending your knees toward your shoulders, place your hands on top of the arches of your feet. The more you’re able to press down your knees and butt, the better you’ll be able to relieve tension in your lower back and hips in a safe and protected way.

The post How to Do Anything: Destress From Too Much Time at Your Desk appeared first on Man Repeller.

KHIRY’s Jameel Mohammed on Making Afrofuturist Jewelry on His Own Terms

Many Black business owners have endured a profound series of shocks over the past three months, and charting a path forward right now will require all entrepreneurs summon an immense amount of fortitude.

This story is the first in a series of profiles that will feature Man Repeller contributors and creative collaborators who are more than up to the task—we reached out to them to hear about how they view their roles as entrepreneurs right now, and who they love to work with and follow for inspiration. We’ll be publishing these as an ongoing series. First up today is Jameel Mohammed, an artist, designer, and founder of luxury jewelry brand KHIRY.

Jameel Mohammed, Artist + Designer, Founder of KHIRY

In September 2017, Jameel Mohammed was a 21-year-old poli sci major—and likely the only senior in his department at the University of Pennsylvania to schedule his fall classes around the debut of his jewelry line at New York Fashion Week. KHIRY’s launch was the culmination of years of focused effort—including a summer internship at the erstwhile Barneys (offered after he asked Barneys VIP Daniella Vitale for advice during Penn Fashion Week) and a successful $25,000 Kickstarter he organized during his junior year. Now, only a few years later, KHIRY’s Afrofuturist hoops can be seen on the earlobes of Solange Knowles and Ayesha Curry. KHIRY’s signature pieces, like the Khartoum ring and Mask pendant, have become the recognizable icons of the brand, drawing from African cattle horns and west African masks, respectively.

While Mohammed’s college major may seem unrelated to running a luxury jewelry label at first glance, it’s clear that his political training plays a role in his creative outlook: “As a black artist and designer, it’s important to me to own my own business—as a means of both unhampered self-expression and of advocating for issues that affect the black community at large,” Mohammed says. “It offers me a semblance of self-determination, a space away from the arbitrary and often unjust rules of the world. It simultaneously challenges me to identify my values, while giving me the opportunity to live by them.”

I. MWR Collection, II. Tackussanu Senegal, III. Mateo, IV. Life Liveth in Me

Want more? Dive into MR Market Strategist Elizabeth Tamkin’s database of more than 500 Black-owned brands, along with some of her personal shopping recommendations. If you have a suggestion that you think should be added, please share it in the comments.

The post KHIRY’s Jameel Mohammed on Making Afrofuturist Jewelry on His Own Terms appeared first on Man Repeller.

What 17 People Are Reading Right Now in New York City

Photographer Jasmine Clarke headed to four New York City bookstores to find out what everybody’s reading right now.

Cafe con Libros

A feminist bookstore in Brooklyn founded by Kalima DeSuze. Books, coffee, and pastries are all currently available for pickup from Café c on Libros.

Whitney Kuo, 28

Which book did you pick up, and what’s it about?

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde. She’s a black feminist queer author.

Did someone recommend it to you?

I think it’s on the ongoing, queer black feminist book list, so I had it on hand. I actually let my ex borrow it a year ago. I wanted to re-read it, so I asked her for it. She doesn’t want to see me, so she ordered it to Café con Libros because it’s in my neighborhood.

Do you usually shop here for books?

I just moved here, so I haven’t been before, but I’m really happy to be here.

What’s the last book you read, and what’s it about?

The last book I read was… Why is this so hard? Oh, I just finished Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. It’s another book about a lesbian coming of age, because I’m obsessed.

And what have the last few months been like for you?

During COVID?

Yeah.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve been thriving; my life is good. I spent a lot of this time journaling, reading, actually watching TV, and going through all that. It’s been a lot of me time which was really good. People think I’m joking. They’re like, “How are you doing?” Because everyone wants to complain. I’m like, “I’m fucking thriving.”

Last question, are you picking anything else up while you’re out?

I was trying to pick up Minor Feelings, but that’s  sold out. I may stop on a bench and read.

Prama Verma, 26

So, what book did you pick today?

Hood Feminism.

What’s it about?

It’s about feminism, but from an intersectional lens, written by a Black woman.

How’d you hear about it?

It’s been on my radar for a while. I heard the store was opening again, and I was just, like, “I think it’s time to finally pick it up and read it.”

What’s the last book you read?

Until We Reckon. It’s written by the executive director of a restorative justice nonprofit in Brooklyn. And it’s just about restorative justice versus the prisons and stuff.

What have the past few months been like for you?

I can’t complain too much. I work for a nonprofit, and I’ve been able to work from home, so that’s been really lucky. I have a roommate, so I’m not completely isolated, but it’s been a little tough to not be able to get out and see people.

Aaron Banes, 24

Which book did you pick today?

Fairest by Meredith Talusan.

How did you hear about it?

The Strand Bookstore did an interview with the author and another Filipino writer, so I watched a Zoom call about it.

Do you always get your books here?

No, this is my first time. I didn’t know about it before quarantine. I was sad that it’s been closed, but here I am, on the first day.

What’s the last book that you read?

I’m still reading a book right now called Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James. It was described to me as a gay, African Game of Thrones. The main character is a tracker and he just, like, tells stories about his life and growing up, but there’s also magic. There’s a leopard that is actually also a human-were-leopard. It’s a fantasy book.

Is that the genre you usually like?

I’ve been trying to get back into it because real life is too scary right now.

I know. I feel like a lot of people are buying fantasy books. Escape is in. What have the past few months been like for you?

They’ve been okay. I’m not working right now. I’ve been really getting into tarot.

How’s that going?

It’s going really good. I have an Instagram if anyone wants to follow it.

Oh, shout it out. What is it?

It’s @misterwitchboy.

Are you picking anything else up on this outing?

I found all of these ants on my windowsill….

Oh no.

So I have to go find Raid, and I need body soap.

Mmm… Spring things!

Ashley Ahn, 26

What book did you pick today, and what’s it about?

I picked up Dominicana by Angie Cruz. I actually don’t really know too much about it, but I’m a teacher, and I teach a majority Latinx population, so I’m always trying to find books that incorporate my students’ narratives.

How did you hear about this book?

I heard about Café con Libros from a friend, so I went on their website, and I was just perusing through books and decided to put it in my cart.

Cool. What school do you teach at?

Sunset Park High School.

What’s the last book you read, and what’s it about?

The last book I read is Minor Feelings. It’s about how Asian-Americans kind of fit into the racial narrative of the United States and how oftentimes Asian people are erased from that narrative. And how by understanding our histories, we can be better allies and just speak up more, I think, in the current situation, and the situation going forward.

You would recommend it?

I would totally recommend it, because I feel like there are very few books talking about that sort of narrative.

What have the last few months been like for you?

It’s been rough, transitioning into online teaching.

Are you doing Zoom teaching?

Yeah. I’m grateful that I have high school students, so it’s a little bit easier to get them onto the computer and have those conversations. But I know it’s really hard to just continue those relationships over the computer. So it’s had its ups and downs.

Books Are Magic

Located in Brooklyn’s Cobble Hill, Books Are Magic is owned by novelist Emma Straub and her husband . They’re currently open for appointment-only pickups.

Arianna Cameron, 25

What book did you pick up today?

My Year of Rest and Relaxation. I believe it’s about a woman who’s depressed and addicted to Xanax and sees a therapist. The modern woman, I guess.

How’d you hear about it?

Through a friend who works in publishing.

What’s the last book you read?

Just Kids by Patti Smith—her biography.

Did you like it?

I loved it.

Are you picking anything else up on your outing today?

I wanted to buy White Fragility, but it’s out of stock right now.

Natasha Guarda, 17

What book did you pick up today?

Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift. I’m reading it for a book club.

What was the last book you read?

I’m in the middle of reading War and Peace, another classic. But the last fiction book I read was The Girls, which is about a cult in the ’60s.

Did you like it?

Yeah.

How have the last few months been for you?

I’ve been reading a lot more.

Rebecca Strassberg, 28

What book did you pick today?

I picked Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby. It’s a collection of her essays. I was just looking for something to immerse myself in.

What’s the last book you read?

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid, which I highly recommend. I actually started reading it before the state of the world erupted. It’s a book about this Black babysitter who gets herself tangled up in this—I’m trying to put it into just a few words, but it’s really a story about race and class and people’s intentions. I recommended it to quite a few people. I found it to be an escape but also just very important reading right now.

So escapism, but with a twist.

Yeah. It was very cool.

How have the past few months been for you?

A little isolating; I live alone. I’m also in the media, so just working non-stop. Obviously I’m just super thankful to have a job. The community has been really great though—there’s a great Facebook group that I’m part of, Boerum Hill at Large. We reach out to people. But yeah, it’s getting hard.

Last question: Are you picking anything else up on your outing today?

I bought some plants at The Sill. Basically, there’s nowhere to be outside that I feel is far enough away from people, so I bought a little camping chair, and I just sit outside and read.

Joshua K.

So, what book did you pick?

I got Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor. It’s from a British publisher I like a lot. It had good reviews on LitHub, so I picked it up from there.

What’s the last book you read?

Oh my God. I just finished one. Give me a sec. Why am I struggling?

Sure. No problem. Take your time.

I read East of Eden a little while ago. I’m reading a book by Judith Butler on nonviolence—the philosophy of nonviolence. She’s the feminist philosopher from University of California, Berkeley. It seemed, like, on-the-nose-ish, but I have a bunch of books that I’ve ordered—MLK Jr. Speeches, The Color of Law—and they were saying that racial justice books are back ordered by hundreds of copies.

Oh, that’s interesting.

I’m waiting for a month or two to get White Fragility, but I read East of Eden and then this nonviolence book.

Would you recommend East of Eden then?

Yeah. It’s top five for me. Really, really good book.

Can you explain what it’s about?

It’s a multi-generational tale. I sound like a narrator here. It’s about a family that starts off on the East Coast and migrates to California in the post-Civil War era. And it’s about the dissolution of a marriage, and then the man’s relationship with his two sons—and free will and the ability to make decisions about the people we want to be, and not being constrained by our family and our history. And still having a chance to become good, even if we’ve been bad for a long time.

What have the past few months been like for you?

The first couple of months were extremely isolating. I had tried to do a book a week—that was my goal for the year—and I was ahead of pace. Then, despite having all the free time in the world, I couldn’t focus on anything for the first month.

The past two weeks have had a bit of a different tone—it feels like you can’t really do enough. I’m just trying to focus on doing what I can—whether it’s reading or donating or marching or whatever. It’s not a good thing, but it’s nice to feel more of a sense of community. I think it sucks to live in New York and be stuck indoors all day.

I feel like there’s a common sense of purpose right now. It’s been a dark couple of weeks, but it makes me feel proud to live here. I’m not from here originally.

Where are you from?

Toronto. I moved here five years ago. And I feel like I’m becoming a New Yorker through all this. I’m proud to live here.

Are you picking anything else up?

I asked about the Ibram X. Kendi book How to Be an Antiracist. I’m trying to send stuff back to my parents in Canada as well. My dad watched 13th last week. He was, like, “Oh my God”—he kind of had this awakening. And then I left The New Jim Crow at my house for him back home. I’m trying to pick out things that are going to be easy for them to read and digest.

Brooke Wright, 34

What book did you pick up today?

I picked up Slavery by Another Name and White Fragility.

Could you tell me a little bit about them?

I don’t know a whole lot about them—that’s why I’m going to read them. For me, Slavery by Another Name seems most interesting just because it’s more about the systemic issue, whereas I don’t really know a whole lot about what White Fragility is about, I’m not going to lie. I get that it was a good one to read so I was like, “Okay, let’s do that.” There are so many books right now that are being really advocated for and I was like, “Let’s go with those two for the beginning.”

Do you shop at Books Are Magic a lot?

Yeah. It’s my local bookshop.

What’s the last book you read?

Let’s see. I’m really bad at finishing books. I’m normally reading five at a time. The last book that I almost finished—it’s still kind of not done—is a book called Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy. It’s a history book about four women—two on either side of the Civil War. Two are for abolition, two for are slavery.

How have the past few months been for you?

They were stressful at first, just not knowing what was going on. I had been traveling abroad with many people from many different countries, prior to coming back for Fashion Week. I was definitely pretty scared for the first month or so. I’ve been fortunate that I’ve been able to work from home.

Sisters Uptown

Located in Washington Heights, Sisters Uptown is a family-owned and -operated bookstore.

Landon Michael, 35

So what book did you pick up and what’s it about?

I actually picked up James Baldwin’s Another Country. I originally came for White Fragility, but they’re sold out until the end of the month. So I picked up James Baldwin because he’s one of my favorite authors. I started with Giovanni’s Room, which is one of my favorites. It hits home for me. So, I wanted to continue with this as well.

How’d you hear about this bookstore?

Instagram, actually. I think someone posted about the conscious reading list, and I was like, Ah, yes. Perfect.

What’s the last book you read?

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

What’s that about?

Literally the subtle art of not giving a fuck. It just helps you build that confidence that you need to be able to move through your career paths and your spiritual journeys and things like that.

Would you recommend it?

It changed my life. So yeah. Absolutely.

Do you live in the neighborhood?

I live in East Harlem—like 120th and Madison.

What have the last few months been like for you?

You know, surprisingly a lot of my friends, or a lot of people, are saying this is the end of the world, but I really appreciate this time, because it’s given us a moment to sit back and be able to sit with ourselves. We don’t usually get that time. We’re always rushing around, whether it’s school or your career; you’re always on the go. But now you actually get time to just sit with yourself and reflect, and then be able to move forward. The one thing that I continue to repeat to myself is that I’m going to be stronger after this than I was when I went into it. You know? That’s the one thing that I push to everybody that I speak to. Get something positive out of it. It’s really just about self-care right now, honestly.

Milton Lyles, 31

What books did you buy today?

Blueprint for Black Power, and then another Amos Wilson book on Garveyism, Afrikan-Centered Consciousness Versus the New World Order.

How’d you hear about those books?

I saw the Blueprint for Black Power after I was doing a play one day with New Heritage Theater Group over in Harlem, and then I wanted to get it, but I didn’t have the funds at the time. It’s been on my mind.

What’s the last book you read?

Wounds of Passion by bell hooks. It’s the last one I read to completion. Then I’m working on The Black Jacobins right now. It’s about the Haitian revolution. Then I just bounce around between books.

How have the last few months been for you?

Exhausting. Yeah. Exhausting.

Sam Winslow, 20

What book did you pick today?

I picked up Ta-Nehisi Coates’s We Were Eight Years in Power. I suppose it’s about Obama-era politics and that kind of interplay on the Black community. It’s something I’ve had on my reading list, on the back-burner for a while, but with recent shit that’s been going on, I thought, now is absolutely the time to pick this up.

How’d you hear about it?

I read Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates a couple of years ago for a school assignment. That one really stuck with me, so then I just did a little Googling about him and came across this book.

How’d you hear about this place?

I just Googled local, Black-owned bookstores in New York City that are open right now. I live all the way downtown in Greenwich Village—I needed exercise, so I hopped on a bike.

What’s the last book you read?

Shit. The last book I read and completed was a book by Ben Horowitz, who’s a venture investor a16z. It’s called What You Do Is Who You Are. Essentially, it’s about leadership, by your actions speaking louder than your words, and how, if you’re a leader or a person in a position of power, it’s not enough just to say that, “Oh, at our company we respect people” or “Our purpose is charitable giving.” It’s, like, put your money where your mouth is. Speak up—and not only speak up, but actually take action. Of course his background is working at a very successful tech company and then starting a venture firm, but he pulls in examples from all over history. I just thought that was really powerful.

Are you picking up anything else on this outing?

I picked up some coconut water.

That’s it, unless there’s anything else you want to say.

No, not really. I’m just excited for another summer in the city. I love Manhattan, I love the people in it.

McNally Jackson

McNally Jackson is currently offering curb-side pickup at two of its four New York locations—on Fulton street in Brooklyn and on Prince street in Manhattan.

Sandy Blanc, 40

What book did you pick up today?

The Water Dancer from Ta-Nehisi Coates. I’ve read some of his other books in the past, and I saw him speak years ago at Albertine.

What’s the last book you read?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah. Now, I’m reading Purple Hibiscus. She’s a fantastic writer.

Are you picking anything else up today?

Food.

Robin Amos Kahn

So, what book were you going to pick up today?

Robin DiAngelo’s book about white fragility—but they’re sold out.

Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot actually. How’d you hear about it?

Probably on Instagram, or Twitter, or something like that. I think it’s one of the easier ones to start with. I have Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad, but I wanted to read this one first and then read that one.

What’s the last book you read?

I just finished reading a book, An Interrupted Life and Letters from Westerbork by Etty Hillesum. She was a young Jewish woman who was living in Amsterdam, during World War II at the same time Anne Frank and her family were in hiding. She ended up going to a concentration camp outside of Amsterdam, and then eventually died at Auschwitz. It’s a beautiful book.

How have the last few months been for you?

I mean, what can you say? There’s very little work, so I don’t really have any income. But, on the other hand—knock wood—I’ve been healthy, my family has been okay. But the reality is that it’s been horrible and sad and really disturbing. And then Amy Cooper, then George Floyd, and then all of this is…. It’s not shocking by any means, but just like, Whoa, it’s time.

Are you picking up anything else on this outing today?

No, I just needed to get out. I was on a Zoom call and I was like, I can’t stand Zoom, I have to go for a walk.

Newton, 32

What did you pick up today?

I got the The Paris Review—the spring edition.

What’s the last book you read and what was it about?

I think the last book I read was Giovanni’s Room, the James Baldwin book. It’s about a character living in France who is kind of unearthing their homosexuality in the ‘50s. It was amazing.

Are you picking anything else up on your outing today?

No. Just these. I’m getting one copy for myself and one for my friend for his birthday.

Chiara Cortez, 32

So, what book did you pick up today and what’s it about?

It’s called Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, Early Motherhood—and Trusting Yourself and Your Body. The author is Erica Chidi Cohen. She’s the founder of this incredible fertility center out in the West Coast. She’s been a doula for years, and I’ve been following her online.

Oh, cool.

I’m not trying to have children yet, I just want to become more knowledgeable. She’s an amazing woman.

Do you usually shop for books here?

Yes. I’m so happy that they’re open. I love this book store. I live in the neighborhood, so I shop here all the time. I’ve just been waiting for them to reopen.

What’s the last book you read?

The last book I read is called The Witch Elm. It’s crime fiction. It was really good.

What have the last few months been like for you?

That’s a hard question. Honestly, all things considered, I’m very privileged and very lucky to have been able to continue my work, partly. I work for myself, and I have fewer clients than I used to, but I can still work. I have my apartment. I have my partner and we’ve had everything we need. Because my hours were cut in half, I’ve been volunteering at The Bowery Mission, just down the street three times a week. That has really helped structure my time. So, I can’t complain, honestly. People have had it much harder than I have.

Anthony Martignetti, 41

What book did you pick up today?

Civilization and Its Discontents by Sigmund Freud.

What’s it about?

Well… civilization and its discontents. I am probably one of its malcontents, but it’s for a talking group that is hosted by Sarah McNally—the owner of this store and a professor at NYU—who’s a great friend of mine. Since we’re not able to do them in the basement, it’s going to be a talking group on the ideas espoused by Freud 100 years ago.

So, do you usually shop for books here then?

Only here.

Nice. What’s the last book you read?

The last book I read… Well, I went back and reread some Hemingway. I read To Have and Have Not because I thought that was quite apropos. Right now with the societal fear that’s being held up to us as the haves and have nots.

Can you tell me a little bit what that book is about?

It’s set during the Great Depression and it deals with one central character who’s a boat runner; and is running people, fisherman, and guns back and forth between Cuba and Key West. It deals with the poor society and Key West, the wealthy people that are also there, and a bit of the beginnings of revolutionary thought in Cuba.

Would you recommend it then?

Highly, but I’m not the only one. It’s Hemingway, so…

How have the last few months been for you?

I’m in the restaurant business—I own restaurants—and it’s been quite hellish for me and my team. 165 of my employees are out of work. I’ve permanently shut down three of the five restaurants I own.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be sorry for me. I’m not worried about buying books, taking online courses. I have some savings. Most of my employees, one of whom I just had tacos with, does not.

Are you picking anything else up?

I tried to pick up a book by Merlin Sheldrake that I just read a great review of, but they have to order it from their online division because they haven’t received new books and it’s a new book. It’s called Entangled Life and it’s about mushrooms basically. And how we can learn a lot from them.

For those not able to shop in New York City right now, we recommend Bookshop.org.

The Reading List

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Just Kids by Patti Smith

White Fragility by Robin Diangelo

Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

The Girls by Emma Cline

Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

The Force of Nonviolence: The Ethical in the Political by Judith Butler

Speeches of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

The New Jim Crow  by Michelle Alexander

Slavery by Another Name by Douglas A Blackmon

Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy by Karen Abbott

Fairest by Meredith Talusan

Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James

Dominicana by Angie Cruz

Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall

Until We Reckon by Danielle Sered

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

Another Country by James Baldwin

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

Blueprint for Black Power by Amos N. Wilson

Afrikan-Centered Consciousness Versus the New World Order by Amos N. Wilson

Wounds of Passion by bell hooks

The Black Jacobins by C L R James

We Were Eight Years in Power by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

What You Do Is Who You Are by Ben Horowitz

The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad

An Interrupted Life and Letters from Westerbork by Etty Hillesum

The Paris Review

Nurture: A Modern Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, Early Motherhood—and Trusting Yourself and Your Body by Erica Chidi Cohen

The Witch Elm by Tana French

Civilization and Its Discontents by Sigmund Freud

To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway

Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake

The post What 17 People Are Reading Right Now in New York City appeared first on Man Repeller.

March, Give Money, Give Time: A Continually Updated List of Resources for Supporting the Black Lives Matter Movement

Below, you’ll find a collection of resources to help develop your involvement and work in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement, whether it be by marching, contacting legislators, donating money, signing petitions, or contributing your skills and time. As the movement evolves, so will this list—please keep checking back for more ways to contribute.

Donate to bail funds

Bail funds ensure that protesters don’t languish in jail unnecessarily—a burdensome ordeal under any circumstances, and a life-threatening one during a pandemic.

ActBlue will split your donation between 38 community bail funds. The Bail Project provides bail relief in 22 cities, including New York, Chicago, and Houston. The Emergency Relief Fund works within New York City to keep trans people out of jail, where they face acute and heightened risk of violence.

Donating to COVID Bail Out NYC will help post bail for medically vulnerable people held in New York City jails and provide comprehensive post-release support, such as shelter and food, for these individuals.

If you prefer to donate locally, consider these organizations:

Atlanta Solidarity Fund
Chicago Community Bond Fund
Columbus (OH) Freedom Fund
Florida Justice Center
Los Angeles: People’s City Council Freedom Fund
Louisville Community Bail Fund
Minnesota Funds (multiple)
New York City: Free Them All for Public Health
New York City: The Liberty Fund
New York City: Good Call
Philadelphia Bail Fund
Richmond (VA) Community Bail Fund

For more local bail funds, this spreadsheet is updated on an ongoing basis.

Defund and rethink policing

While bail funds protect protesters from immediate harm, other organizations are working to redesign policing from the ground up. Supporting these groups means ending the militarization of the police, building in community oversight, and eliminating for-profit policing techniques like quota-driven ticketing and civil forfeiture.

The NAACP is the premier civil rights organization in the U.S. and has made criminal justice reform one of its key endeavors.

Communities United for Police Reform is dedicated to eliminating discriminatory and abusive

policing in New York City.

The Movement For Black Lives aims to mobilize million people in service of racial justice — on the streets and at the ballot box.

Looking for education on criminal justice reform? The Marshall Project is a non-profit news organization focused on police accountability, policing tactics, and prisoners’ rights.

Here is a remarkably thorough and evolving spreadsheet of resources for dismantling systemic racism, helmed by @patiasfantasyworld. The sheets include: daily updates, bail funds and support, a George Floyd resource compilation with petition links, an anti-racism packet by Jasmine Mitchell, mental health resources for black people, trans resources and other info by @skypewilliams, white to white conversation topics, addressing racism in the workplace, proactive brands and publications, black businesses and organizations to directly support, literature on black history, privilege, policing and surveillance, and black artists to support.

Ally.wiki clearly outlines ways to take action as an ally, through signing petitions, donating to organizations, protesting, educating oneself and contacting officials.

Showing Up for Racial Justice is a national network of groups and individuals working to undermine white supremacy and working toward racial justice, moving white people to act as part of multi-racial majority via community organizing, mobilizing, and education.

Mental health resources

Many black Americans are experiencing tremendous trauma. These groups are working to provide those without support with the mental health resources they need.

Black Girls Smile hosts a directory of help/crisis hotlines, resources for finding a mental health professional, and more.

Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective provides access to the Black Virtual Therapist Network.

Donating to the Loveland Foundation makes it possible for black women and girls across the country to receive therapy support.

This doc compiles mental health resources for trans and queer youth, a tool for how to find affordable therapy, and much more.

RECLAIM increases access to mental health support so that queer and trans youth ages 12-26 may reclaim their lives from oppression in all its forms.

Organizations you can continue to support

By setting up a recurring contribution with ActBlue, your donation will be split among the following groups (you can also choose to allocate specific amounts to individual groups):

Black Lives Matter Global Network
Reclaim the Block
National Bail Out
Black Visions Collective
NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund
The National Police Accountability Project
Color of Change Education Fund
Unicorn Riot
Campaign Zero
Advancement Project
The Marshall Project
Equal Justice Initiative 

Black Women’s Blueprint takes action to secure social, political and economic equality for all black women, with emphasis on services providing reproductive educations and resources, and sexual assault crisis counseling.

Kips Bay Boys and Girls Club, which provides young people with educational and developmental programs, with particular emphasis on enhancing and enriching the quality of life for those between the ages of 6-18 who come from disadvantaged or disenfranchised backgrounds.

The Chicago Freedom School nurtures leadership, liberatory education and youth activism in young people (ages 14-21) across the city of Chicago.

Fair Fight promotes voter protection and educates voters on elections and their voting rights. The organization has mounted significant programs to combat voter suppression in Georgia and nationally.

Write your local, state, and federal legislators

Write your mayor, city council members, county freeholders, state representatives, governor, senators, and representatives. Follow the ACLU’s guidelines for maximum effectiveness.

Graphic by Lorenza Centi.

The post March, Give Money, Give Time: A Continually Updated List of Resources for Supporting the Black Lives Matter Movement appeared first on Man Repeller.

What Is Astrology for Right Now? Revolution.

You are here, sentient, an unlikely consciousness in a universe of unimaginably large and distant bodies. You did not choose to be here and you did not choose the circumstances that condition your life, but nonetheless, no matter who you are, you must find a way to make it mean something. How will you do it? How will you, with your unique strengths, sorrows, privileges, traumas, resources, and passions, live a meaningful life?

This question is the beating heart of astrology. However, in the horoscopes I’ve written for you here at Man Repeller over the last two years, this beating heart has been covered over with the superficial tissue of jokes, bits, and cute product recs. Month after month I’ve offered you horoscopes that are heavy on joke-recommendations to bathe in milk and pop yoni eggs into your orifices, while light on serious engagement with the world we live in. I am writing to you today, trying to make a different choice.

Here are some things that I, a non-black person, want to say to the other non-black persons who might be reading this. Right now, we must use every tool at our disposal to demand that those in power confront and answer for the racist violence that has been perpetrated on Black people in America by the state and the people who uphold the white supremacist institutions that constitute the state. The truth is that the genocidal institution of slavery functioned as a vehicle for the expansion of American capitalism and the continued brutalization, incarceration, and disenfranchisement of Black people in this country is the direct result of a system that continues to profit off of the destruction of Black lives. I shouldn’t have to say this.

Black people have been saying it, always. We, you, all of us, must fight for a national reckoning with this truth. To people who have the privilege of looking away from this truth, I am speaking directly to you: this is not the time to look up at the stars, seeking permission to tune out. If astrology has a place in our lives right now, it is as a tool to look inward and immediately identify our unique capacities to be useful to the movement.

I have formed a relationship with many of you during my time writing for MR and I have never appreciated the significance of those relationships as much as I do right now. I want to introduce myself to all of you in a way that I haven’t before on this platform. I am a 26-year-old, brown queer femme living in Alabama, raised by my mother and her mother who immigrated to this country from the Philippines and organized for the rights of the tenants of the i-Hotel, a landmark anti-gentrification, anti-racist movement in San Francisco. I was raised in the tradition of resistance and community-based action. I have worked in community organizing and I am currently a student and a freelance writer who writes these horoscopes to survive month to month and help support my family. I was raised and continue to live mostly below the poverty line. I am a very private person and this is extremely uncomfortable for me to share, but I believe it is necessary to be transparent about where I come from and where I stand.

This personal history, this body, this is the position that I am speaking to you from, and however imperfect this platform is, this is the platform I have available to reach all of you. If I don’t use this opportunity to drive home the point that the reflection and self-awareness astrology affords must aid in the mobilization of our individual talents and opportunities to bring about the destruction of white supremacy, then I have failed you, and we have failed each other.

I hope that everything I’ve said so far is old news to you. I hope that you already feel empowered to act. If you are a white person, if you are a wealthy person, I hope you have gathered the full force of your privilege and access to resources and that you have enlisted your networks and connections to stand alongside you as you do everything in your power to dismantle the white supremacy that benefits you and your family. I hope that you didn’t need a call to action found in Man Repeller’s Astrology section. But if you are feeling stuck or overwhelmed by the magnitude of this moment, I hear you, I feel you, I have love for you, and I believe you have a place in this too. More importantly, I want to help you find your way forward.

Instead of horoscopes this month, I want to help you direct the impulse for reflection and self-awareness, the same impulse that led you to astrology in the first place, toward action. The following exercise is an adaptation of a journaling technique I learned in the course of my work as a community organizer and meditation teacher. The goal of the exercise is to untangle the emotional and mental blocks that keep us feeling helpless and otherwise absolve us from our duty to resist and dismantle the systems that benefit us at the expense of Black lives.

I share this not from a place of expertise, but from a desire to provide you with a method that has been helpful to me and others I have worked with. I hope this exercise will be useful to you as you chart a sustainable path forward, support the work that is being and has already been done, and locate resources to educate yourself, without putting more demands on Black people to explain to us, over and over again, how we can be useful.

You’ll need a pen, paper, and a quiet space.

Start Where You Are: Strategies for Identifying, Organizing, and Mobilizing Your Personal Resources

This method uses embodied grounding techniques and journaling to release judgement around inaction and to develop a manageable plan based on your own personal resources to sustainably engage in the movement for justice.

1. Grounding

We can’t move forward until we have a firm grasp of where we’re starting.

Begin by sitting comfortably. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths, making your exhale a deep sigh. Then, begin the 4-7-8 breathing technique to calm your nervous system and quiet your mind. It goes like this:

Inhale softly through your nose while counting to four. Hold your breath in without tensing your muscles while counting to seven. Exhale through your mouth, making a wooshing sound, while counting to eight.

Repeat the full cycle at least five times.

Then, let your breathing return to normal with your eyes still closed and ask yourself: How do I feel mentally? How do I feel physically? How do I feel emotionally?

Without straining, let the words for your experience right now rise to the surface.

Write down those feelings and acknowledge without judgement what you’re feeling right now. Next, we’re going to train our attention on developing a full picture of what tools we have to move forward.

2. Getting Honest

Journal for five minutes without stopping in response to the question: What is keeping me from getting involved?

Try to write faster than you can censor yourself. Just keep your pen moving. It may seem obvious or embarrassing at first. That is part of the exercise. If you get stuck, keep asking, why? Why do I believe this? Why do I feel this way? Just keep going.

Now, you have a portrait of your inertia. You can look frankly at the beliefs and feelings that keep you from committing to a course of action. For many who feel stuck, it comes down to some form of I don’t know what to do or I’m afraid I’ll do the wrong thing. It’s important to confront our own limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in order to dismantle them. There is no barrier to action that can’t be overcome with honest reflection and strategy.

3. What Do You Have to Offer?

Now, you’re going to create a full catalogue of your strengths, passion, networks, resources, and abilities. Push yourself to think outside of the box about all the things you have to offer right now.

Write for five minutes, trying to write as quickly as you can.

After you’ve completed that list, go back and add specifics.

If you have time on your hands, how many hours a week can you realistically offer to support the movement? If you have financial resources, how much can you realistically plan to redistribute? If you are tech savvy, what specific skills can you offer? If you are a highly organized person, write down the specific programs or skills you use to keep things in order.

Can you add to your list of networks? Consider:

Alumni organizations

Schools

Professional organizations

Co-workers

Family

Friends

Religious groups

Social media following

4. Take One Step Forward

Look at your portrait of inertia next to your catalogue of resources. Side by side, you will see that your resources are greater than the sum of your inertia. Look at your resources and see if there are any obvious connections between what you have and what is needed.

This is an excellent list of ways you can contribute.

This is a list of resources on the Black Lives Matter website. The list includes the “Trayvon Taught Me Toolkit: For Black and Non-Black POC Organizers” as well as the “#TalkAboutTrayvon: A Toolkit for White People”

There are SO many more. Again, I am not the authority on this. Actively seek out the information by Black organizers and platforms that center Black life, about how you can contribute to the movement.

Once you’ve identified a way to leverage your skills, make one step forward today. Maybe you can make a donation, maybe you can send an email to someone who can make a bigger donation. Tap into your networks, ask for favors, spend your money, and spend your social capital. Look for access points that go beyond what is most immediately obvious to you.

In addition, no matter what resources you have, you can educate yourself, your friends, and your family. Do not read alone. Organize a reading group among people in your network.

This is an anti-racist reading list compiled by Layla F Saad

This is a list of anti-racist resources and books for all ages

This is an online library of free texts from Black women across the diaspora collected and made available by Bilphena Yahwon, a Baltimore-based writer and abolitionist.

Please add contributions to this list in the comments section so we can share with each other and amplify more of the work that is already underway by Black activists and organizers to educate and mobilize.

5. Commit

This movement does not end when the TV cameras stop filming it, it doesn’t end on election day. The struggle ends in liberation, in reparations, in the abolition of the carceral state, in the redistribution of resources, and in a public reckoning of the atrocity of slavery and its legacy.

After you have sent the email, gone to the protest, donated to the bail fund, whatever it is you did today, take a moment to reflect on how it felt. There may be feelings of inadequacy, or maybe self-congratulation. Whatever it is, take note without judgement. It is important to have a record of this process so that you can refer back to the experience if (when) you get discouraged.

Then, commit to another action on your list.

Write down the steps you need to take to accomplish that action. Remember to break each step into a small, manageable chunk. Finally, give yourself a deadline for each of those steps. In this way, you can hold yourself accountable to continued contribution. If you are in this, then you are in this until we see justice for Black people, or you were never really in it at all.

The post What Is Astrology for Right Now? Revolution. appeared first on Man Repeller.

I Owe You Better: A Commitment to the Future

I have let you and the members of the Man Repeller team down and I am sorry.

The letter I published on Monday provided an insufficient explanation for how I plan to change the way Man Repeller operates, but I did not adequately address the way that it already has operated. I did not yet have a true understanding of the pain that has been caused, which has held me and therefore this company back from living up to its promised expectation to help women to feel less alone and more understood. To celebrate your you-ness.

The first thing I want to address is what we’re doing in the immediate term. Yesterday, we started the process of hiring a diversity and inclusion specialist to help me audit and transform this place from the inside out.

But I also need to learn from and engage with our past. I’m in the process of listening to current and former employees about their experiences. We will make sure that anyone who chooses to participate in communication sets the terms of their engagement.

That’s just one part of it, though, and I know it won’t work if I myself don’t make an unwavering commitment to amplifying Black and POC voices as part of our mission. To encouraging that your stories be told, faces be seen, and hearts feel welcome because I am committed to harboring space and safety for you-as-you-are to feel accepted here.

And this — acceptance — is what, I am realizing, is at the center of this. I have been the recipient of sobering feedback from you, from friends, from the members of my team — many of whom have received personal criticism for which I claim responsibility. The ways in which they have risen, using their platforms to contribute their skills, their dollars, their bandwidth, and hearts have been a humbling reminder of the lengths I must travel before I can ever call myself a leader.

You are leaders — for giving your valuable time to comment. For fighting for what you believe. I have a deep appreciation for the investment in our improvement that has been expressed and as a 31-year-old woman at the beginning of a process I should have started a very long time ago, I am humbled by the depth of wisdom on display in the private and public conversations that we have had. These interactions have been the primary source of the hope I have that we have a chance to get this right.

And doing that — getting this right is a crucial step in a long process. I owe you better. And I hope that this is the beginning of my chance to offer meaningful repair.

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As a New Mother in Quarantine, My Fears Have Taken a Sharp Turn

As New York City approached its peak of the pandemic, my sister and I decided to pay $51 for a coveted gallon of “germicidal” bleach. I spent evenings, while my then-four-month-old daughter slept, meticulously mopping our floors. The smell made our eyes water. Splashes of bleach corroded our doorknob. A drop left a perfectly circular white spot on the sofa. Still, it felt good to wash away our fears.

Now, as cases of COVID-19 have dipped and the city is poised to reopen, I wonder when it will be safe to go back outside. I’ve tried to recall a time when it did feel safe, but I’m not sure there has been one in recent history. Of course, life seemed safer before the pandemic—I was never afraid of my own hands. But the apocalyptic scenes on television are familiar, so I know, instinctually, that it couldn’t have been real.

There have been many blissful moments being self-quarantined with my sister and daughter.

We’ve baked box brownies and binged on Netflix movies. We recorded my baby’s laughter as she was tickled and her bewildered expression as she had her first taste of pear puree. One morning, the three of us lay bellies-down on my bed with my window open as wide as it would go, looking out onto the alley and naming the outside smells as they wafted in: garlicky food cooking, garbage, intoxicatingly clean laundry.

There have also been realizations that have been sobering.

During quarantine, new motherhood evolved from worrying if she’d ever sleep through the night, to worrying that, somehow, being locked in our apartment would scar my daughter. I’ve worried, too, that her watching me unlock the door beneath an N-95 mask and a hood will be context for her future nightmares. Pulling on a hood and covering my face is both parts comforting and frightening. I am protected from illness but, historically, less safe in the world if I cover my head.

When I was a little girl, my own mother taught me to hug myself when I was distressed and alone. There have been several times during this pandemic when I have gone into our narrow bathroom, wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed silently. Each time, I came out with a smile on my face, because I’ve learned, through Google searches and personal experience, how important it is for children to grow up feeling safe and securely attached.

My sister called me into our living room to watch as the video of George Floyd played on the news and goosepimples prickled on my arms as he cried for his mother. There is a specific kind of vulnerability in asking your mother to “come and fix it.” And there is an equally specific emotion in knowing as a mother that you must fix it, even though you don’t know how.

Long before I became a mother, I believed that I would fix things through conversation, knowing each other better, speaking about injustice. But Derek Chauvin and George Floyd may have worked together for years and Derek heard George begging for breath, for his mother. He heard George begging him to stop and Derek still killed him.

I don’t know how I can tell my daughter to trust a national culture like this one. The words we use to describe the world inside our apartment are “good” and “safe,” “kind ” and “sweet,” and I know once we step outside again, they will feel false. But how can I raise my child to see outside as it really is—“bad,” perhaps, “unsafe,” and mean—without growing her into an adult who is consumed by bitterness?

The truth is that home isn’t nearly as good or safe or hopeful or changeable as I thought it would be.

And maybe I will tell her that some day.

But if I do, I will also tell her that no matter how bad it gets, no matter how bigoted or unsafe her world is, I will wrap my arms around her and barricade her against anything she is afraid of. I will always fix it, even if I don’t know how.

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

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