Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 140

“It was a slip. The first thing I thought about was an...

“It was a slip. The first thing I thought about was an abortion. I was only fifteen at the time. But after getting my ear chewed off, and all of the bitching, and all of the scolding, I decided to take responsibility. My daughter is three now. I’ve had to give up so much. I can’t go to university. I can’t go out, or go on trips. Now my life is nothing but a routine. I’m a slave to paying rent. I work seven days a week at a casino for minimum wage. I have to support my grandmother and sisters. My mother left the house in December to live with a man. I never talk about any of this. I keep to myself because nobody cares. Even if I’m happy—nobody cares. I only worry about my daughter’s happiness. I only think about her future. I have hope for her. But not for me.”

(Medellín, Colombia)

“There was a lot of sickness in my house. My wife has heart...

“There was a lot of sickness in my house. My wife has heart problems and is connected to oxygen. I was drinking a lot. Everyone kept to themselves and stayed in their rooms. But one day I had a prophecy in the church that I would have a very big happiness. The prophecy said that someone was going to come and fill all the voids of my home. A few weeks later my daughter was pregnant. And here he is! He’s consumed my entire life. I get to watch him every afternoon. I want him to see me as the happy grandpa who never says ‘no.’ I don’t even drink anymore. He’s brought our entire family together. Recently my wife told me: ‘I can tell you are so happy. Your eyes are always sparkling now.’”

(Medellín, Colombia)

“I’m a single father. I’ve had my son since he was two. His...

“I’m a single father. I’ve had my son since he was two. His mother and I used to consume a lot of drugs, but I did a full stop when he was born. He saved my life in a lot of ways. But his mother never got her life together. She’ll show up sporadically but then disappear for months at a time. I try to fill in the holes with as much love as possible, but I know it bothers him. He’s just not at an age where he can fully express his feelings. I try to protect him from all the volatility of my own life. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday. And I’m sitting here wondering how I’m going to explain it to him. I actually waited a long time before introducing them because I didn’t want her to be another absence in his life. But now it didn’t work out. And I’ve got to figure out how to break that down for him.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

“I want to be an archeologist. That’s a person who explores...

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“I want to be an archeologist. That’s a person who explores the desert and looks for dinosaur eggs and Egyptians. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’m already watching Jurassic Park and collecting dinosaur stickers. And once I found a piece of coral in the shape of a heart.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

“I met him at the company where we worked. We went out...

“I met him at the company where we worked. We went out dancing. He was kind to me. Things started changing after we got married. I’d rush home from work so I could cook for the whole family. But if the food wasn’t ready on time, he’d get upset. One day his mistress came to the door to tell me about their affair. I was pregnant at the time. He came back from work and found her in the house, and he hit me so hard that he broke my face. I still have the scars. The abuse got worse and worse. I stayed for a long time. At first I thought marriages were supposed to be like that. And by the time I learned otherwise, he wouldn’t let me go. He’d lock me in the house. He’d threaten me by putting a gun to our son’s head. When I finally got a restraining order, I was in such bad shape that I checked into a mental institution. Now I’m alone and it’s the happiest time of my life. I’m able to work. I can eat whatever I want. I can go out whenever I want. Even sitting here and smoking a cigarette is a joy for me.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

“I’ve been sitting here for four hours thinking about what I...

“I’ve been sitting here for four hours thinking about what I should do. I don’t want to go home. I fucked up again. I’ve been a drug addict my whole life. But I was clean for three months. I got a job at a call center. I was doing well. Then as soon as I got my paycheck, I went out drinking with some coworkers. Just a normal thing. But then I tried a little coke, went on a binge, and lost my job. Same story as always. And now I don’t want to go home. I live with my mother. She’s never lost faith in me. My brother was killed in the army so I’m her only son. She doesn’t deserve this. She was so happy that I had a job. She’d convinced herself that things were finally going to be OK. And I’ve got to go home and tell her what happened. And I don’t want to do it. She’s not even going to be mad. She’ll just be so hurt. Then she’ll ask me if I’ve eaten.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

“I was the best student in my high school. I put so much...

“I was the best student in my high school. I put so much pressure on myself. I never failed a class. But I got sick during 10th grade and I started to fall behind. That’s when the panic attacks began. One day the teacher handed me my grade report, and I couldn’t breathe. My heart was beating very fast. I felt disconnected. I saw people trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear them. Eventually I passed out and woke up in the infirmary. The attacks were almost daily after that. Last year I started college. And I can’t be the best student here no matter how hard I try. Everyone is so talented. My panic attacks got so bad that I had to cancel my first semester. But now I’m working on acknowledging my anxiety. I used to try to hide it. I would log off social media. I wouldn’t answer calls. I thought that if nobody knew, it didn’t exist. But the more I talk about my problem, the more I realize that other people experience similar things. So I’m trying to express it more. I had a great teacher who told me: ‘Instead of letting anxiety keep you from doing your art, let it be the thing that motivates your art.’”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

“I do yoga at the senior center. But it’s not advanced enough...

“I do yoga at the senior center. But it’s not advanced enough for me. I can do the cat, the dog, the bridge, the snake… all of it. My class is filled with younger people in their sixties and seventies. They are always complaining: ‘My hip! My diabetes!’ But you’ll never hear a word out of me.”

(Medellín, Colombia)

“We’re doing great now. But this time last year we found a...

“We’re doing great now. But this time last year we found a tumor on her spine and lungs. She seemed like a perfectly healthy child– just like now. But one day she had a very bad episode of pneumonia. And the doctors told us it was cancer. But Carolina was so brave the entire time. She made us so proud. She wasn’t afraid of the doctors. She stuck out her arm when it was time for treatment. She was even brave during the surgery. It was over before Carolina even realized—wasn’t it? But those were the longest four hours of Mommy’s life.”

(Montevideo, Uruguay)

“I didn’t find out that I liked teaching until I was 45 years...

“I didn’t find out that I liked teaching until I was 45 years old. I was working as a graphic designer, and I volunteered to teach a group of kids from a poor region. It was part of a special program aimed at teenagers who’d dropped out of school. At first I was scared. Many of them had behavior problems. Some of them were addicted to drugs. One of them even brought a knife to class. But I discovered that I could really connect with them. Sometimes I could even reach kids that refused to talk to psychologists. I learned that I could transform someone’s life just by listening. The program only lasted six months, but it gave me such sense of satisfaction. I’ve been training for the last two years to become a real teacher. My test results just arrived and I got assigned to the school I wanted. I’m going to teach Portuguese to elementary school students.”

(Montevideo, Uruguay)