Lynn Kellan's Blog, page 3

Say yes.

I bought some beautiful yarn a few weeks ago. When the sales clerk asked if I’d like her to wind the skein into a ball, I said no. She’d been super nice to me and I didn’t want to impose on her. Besides, how hard is it to wind a skein into a ball? Heck, I could recruit my husband to help. He could sit on the couch with me and hold the skein while I unwound it like they do in the movies. I pictured us talking about our feelings and laughing, because yarn does that.

No, it doesn’t.

First of all, the second you jostle the skein, it becomes a knot that requires three NASA engineers to unwind. I didn’t have any rocket scientists at my disposal, so I spent 5 HOURS untangling this yarn. That’s not a typo, by the way. Five hours. I laughed, I cried, I cursed myself for not accepting the sales clerk’s help.

Moral of the story: Say Yes When Someone Offers To Help.

Love,

Lynn

Why I’m mad at my husband.

This is why I’m angry at my husband. He eats like this most of the time, and looks like a GOD. When he refuses to eat a single vegetable, I punish him by forcing him to use the dishes he used in graduate school…because that green color around the edge SO DOESN’T match our kitchen, and that really, really bothers me so I can only assume it bothers him, too. Right?

Riiiiiiight.

Don’t mind me. I’m just eating some lettuce and cursing my metabolism. But at least I’m using a plate that looks pretty spectacular, if I don’t say so myself.

Love,

Lynn

Fences can’t stop everything.

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I was in a hurry, rushing from one street to another with my head down and my thoughts jumbled. I was thinking about all of the things that were wrong with my manuscript. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to fix the plot holes. I had no idea how to take the story to the next level…and then I walked straight into these flowers. They were learning through the fence, doing anything they could to reach the sun. The image really struck me, so I took a picture to remind myself that most problems have solutions. There’s always a space to squeeze through.

Here’s to finding a way to reach for the sun!

Love,

Lynn

A sign of things to come

Leaves clog like cholesterol. They’re evil. They’re more slippery than a bad idea. They’re more persistent than a pimple on prom day. They’re worse than hearing someone say, “We need to talk.” Leaves multiply like fleas and poke like tiny little needles and for the next three months, I’ll rake them away only to see another layer of crispy leaves flop onto my driveway.

Do you like autumn as much as I do?

 

 

Little pieces of her

A bobby pin isn’t supposed to make me emotional, but it did. My eyes stung and my throat felt thick. I didn’t expect to see that bobby pin on the table as I walked by, but there it was. Forgotten. My daughter had taken it out of her hair while she watched TV. I know, because I saw her hair flick forward when set the bobby pin aside. During the day, she keeps all of that hair off her face so she can see…but at night, her hair becomes an Emmy-worthy comedy show. Sometimes the long bangs hang in front, transforming her into Cousin It. In the next moment, everything is swept to the left and just a nose and one eye sticks out. A few minutes later, some of the strands stick up at odd angles. That style makes her look like an adorable Martian.

She’s back on Mars, now. Classes start tomorrow, so she moved into her college dorm a few days ago. This is her second year, so no big deal, right? We’ve done this before. I was doing okay until I found that darned bobby pin. It’s a little piece of her. An unexpected reminder that she’s gone for a while, and I can’t seem to stop my throat from aching or my eyes from watering. I haven’t gone into her room since she left, but I walk by every time I go upstairs. Honestly, the entire house feels solemn. Without her, there’s less laughter…but that’s okay. She’s becoming something new, something bigger, something brighter.

In the meantime, that bobby pin is mine. I’m holding on to that little piece of her because she has every piece of me.

 

 

 

That weird feeling

Ever check into a hotel room and things feel…odd? That happened to me this summer when I visited my favorite vacation spot. It took a while to figure out what was wrong. Can you see the weirdness?

A few weeks later, I checked back into the same hotel but landed in a different room. Guess what I saw again?

If the upside-down picture of a tree appeared in TWO of my rooms, I can only assume someone meant to hang the picture that way. But why????? Well, I had to know, so I googled “upside down tree” and saw a ton of upside-down Christmas trees, which wasn’t any help. I asked a bunch of people, and they had no clue. Someone thought the upside-down tree might relate to some sort of Druid ritual, which confused me even more. The hotel is nowhere near any Druid landmarks.

I know this mystery of an upside-down tree picture isn’t something I should spend too much time thinking about, but I couldn’t stop wondering why it kept appearing in my hotel rooms. It was driving me mad! I finally called the hotel and asked the nice woman who answered. She said that quite a few people have wondered why there’s a picture of an upside down tree in their hotel room, and the answer is: the artist who created the image was trying to represent a reflection of a tree in water. That reflection looks upside down to whoever is staring across the water at the tree.

Ah-ha!!! Now it finally makes sense. Kinda. I can rest easy, now.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you have a question that’s bugging you, go ahead and call long-distance to reach the check-in desk of your favorite hotel. You’ll feel silly asking the question to a total stranger, but you’ll get an answer.

 

Looking for a new book to read? Here’s a good place to find one.

I’ve got a new reason for you to love this time of year (as if sunshine and swimming and vacation aren’t enough to love, right?). Every summer, the Romance Writers of America publishes a list of the winners of The RITA Award, which is the highest award for excellence in published romance fiction.

Up to 2,000 novels are entered in the competition. The winners are announced at a black tie awards ceremony at the Romance Writers of America annual conference, which happens in July. I’ve never had the honor of being a finalist in this contest, but lemme tell you this is really big stuff. If an author is a RITA winner, she’s incredibly talented.

Here are some of this year’s winners:

I can’t wait to grab these books, settle into a comfy chair on my deck, and read. Don’t see your favorite category in the above photos? Check out the full list of RITA winners here.

We’ve got a few more weeks to cuddle up with a great book. Let’s do this!

Love,

Lynn

Strange animal encounters

I saw him right after I parked. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was handsome, with just enough gray to look weathered and wise. I drooled at him until he caught me looking.

He didn’t seem to like the attention. The encounter taught me a valuable lesson: I should focus on someone who wants to interact with me, like my husband. I decided to text him while we were in bed, because that’s the healthy thing to do.

 

Earlier in the day, my husband encountered a cat perched on top of his car. In his infinite wisdom, he decided to share the story with me. His storytelling was short and to the point, but failed to lull me to sleep.

Moral of the story: don’t text in bed.

Love,

 

 

Grab your fork

Last week, I threw caution to the wind and didn’t poke my potatoes before I baked them in the oven. And then this happened:

I’m afraid a potato WAS hurt for the purposes of this blog. Fortunately, I was able to clean up the problem right away.

If only I could clean up some other problems so easily. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do because these problems belong to someone I love. I’ve made suggestions, I’ve done as much research as I can, but I can’t change the situation.

I don’t know what to do. I do know that if I think about these problems, I worry. If I worry, I’m not productive. But worrying seems to be the only thing I can do to help, you know? That’s the lure of worry. It makes you think you’re doing something worthwhile, but you’re not. You’re cluttering your mind with negative thoughts, making things up that aren’t real.

If I keep worrying, my thoughts will end up like that exploded potato in my oven. Instead, I’ve decided to keep my phone volume on “high” so I don’t miss any important texts or phone calls. I make To-Do lists of the things I need to accomplish every day, and I make sure to get those things done. I spend time outside, because that’s a good way to keep myself calm. I share my worries with close friends who I can count on to offer encouragement. Most of all, I pray. Hard. My prayers haven’t been answered right away, but I always feel better after I ask for God’s help.

I know you must have worries and problems, too. That’s part of life, right? So I promise to post funny things in the coming weeks, because humor is the fork we potatoes need.

Love,

Lynn “Spud” Kellan

 

What does a romance author do, anyway?

What, exactly, does a romance author do?

WRITE

Not just one book, but as many as you can. Make sure your stories are entertaining, well-paced. Create heroes and heroines who have goals, motivations, and conflicts. Be sure each protagonist has a compelling character arc; how do they change at the end of the book? Join a critique group, attempt to improve your craft. Ask readers/authors to read and critique your work. Incorporate suggestions when you edit your manuscript. While you write one book, plan future books. Research. Plot. Learn what makes a book great. Keep drafts organized. Learn about new developments in the publishing world. Join Romance Writers of America. Join the local Romance Writers of America chapter, go to meetings, connect with other authors. Exercise to combat all of those hours spent at a desk. Learn about the craft of writing romance. Finish what you write. Enter contests. Judge contests. Try not to get carpool tunnel syndrome. Maintain good posture. Find ways to write even when your creative tank is empty. Delete massive amount of spam. Read. Keep track of income, expenses, and gobs of passwords. Back up your work three different ways. Support fellow authors. Go to conferences to learn, make connections.

PUBLISH THE BOOK

Decide whether you want to work with a publisher or self-publish. If a publishing house is your preference, submit to agents and editors. In some cases, you’ll wait 18 months before you eventually hear from agents and editors. If you sign a contract with a publishing house, meet all deadlines. Keep track of the books you’ve published with each publishing house. Endeavor to win back the rights to your work when your contracts expire.

If you self-publish, you’ll have a lot more control over your content. More time is required, too. Hire developmental, content, and line editors. Design book cover. Format book. Upload book. Price book. Hope some readers leave honest reviews of your book. Copywrite self-published books. Devote a ton of time to implementing these steps and somehow find time to write the next book.

REACH OUT TO READERS

As an author of fiction, you’re in the business of entertainment. Attempt to make most of your social media entertaining. Respond to emails in a timely fashion. Respond to comments on social media platforms. Consider doing signings, attending reader events.

MARKETING

Figure out your brand. Develop a “look” that is consistent with your brand. Have a presence on a number of social media sites. Post often, but not too often. Talk about your work, but not all the time. Create a newsletter and publish it (in my case, quarterly). Create a website and blog. Update website and blog. Create new content for blog (weekly). Create new content for all the social media platforms you use. Promote new books. Promote the other books you’ve written. Learn how to use various social media platforms and figure out which ones work for you. Write compelling blurbs, tagline, and keywords. Create ads for your books on various platforms.

*Repeat all of the above for every pseudonym you use*

IS THIS ALL WORTH IT?

Yes, because every once in a while you’ll get a review like this one:

If you’ve ever read a good book, please consider leaving a review. It’ll make the author’s day. In fact, there’s a very good chance that three years after you leave that review, the author will scroll back to the screenshot she took of your review so she can read what you said whenever she needs to be reminded that someone liked her work. Believe me, that happens more than you know.

Love,

Lynn Kellan