Allison Knight's Blog, page 10
March 12, 2014
The Journey
Okay, I missed yesterday. Reason - exhaustion. My granddaughter who lives only a few miles away came Sunday night to visit and meet Matt and see her cousin. She brought the baby and her husband. It was great. WE talked and laughed and I talked too much, stayed up too late and after the family left, on Monday, I was okay. Tuesday it caught up. I couldn't put two thoughts together coherently. Now, I think I'm together again.
Today I have the store to do and the second edits. I'll still be taking it easy for the rest of the week. Tomorrow I see the radiologist. Still not sure why I'm seeing him, but the doctor wants me to, so I will.
Now it's off to the store. The kids ate us out of house and home and of course, I loved it!
Allison
Today I have the store to do and the second edits. I'll still be taking it easy for the rest of the week. Tomorrow I see the radiologist. Still not sure why I'm seeing him, but the doctor wants me to, so I will.
Now it's off to the store. The kids ate us out of house and home and of course, I loved it!
Allison
March 10, 2014
The Journey
The kids came and now they are gone. All my granddaughters are special, but this one and the one who lives close by seem to have a special link to me. No, they are not my favorites, I don't have favorites, all my girls are wonderful, but I guess I'm closest to these two for some reason. They are both totally different in personality, in their upbringing, even the course they've chosen in life, but there is some kind of bond there.
I hated to see her leave. I know, and she knows, unless something every unusual happens, she won't see me again, nor will I get to see her. Oh, we'll communicate, I know that for sure, but I won't be able to physically wrap my arms around her and tell her how proud I am of her. My third granddaughter is close, so the goodbye won't be for some time yet, I hope. One at a time is about all I can take. Saying goodbye is not easy, necessary, but not easy.
I remember saying goodbye to my father. We both knew it would be the last time, and I know how it hurt me. Mom told me how it hurt Dad, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I have that special memory and will treasure it forever. The same with this memory as I hope she will treasure it.
I also learned today that one of my mentors, a writer I really liked, one who was a real inspiration, has passed on. It's been a rough day. I need a bit of time to regroup. Until tomorrow...
Allison
I hated to see her leave. I know, and she knows, unless something every unusual happens, she won't see me again, nor will I get to see her. Oh, we'll communicate, I know that for sure, but I won't be able to physically wrap my arms around her and tell her how proud I am of her. My third granddaughter is close, so the goodbye won't be for some time yet, I hope. One at a time is about all I can take. Saying goodbye is not easy, necessary, but not easy.
I remember saying goodbye to my father. We both knew it would be the last time, and I know how it hurt me. Mom told me how it hurt Dad, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I have that special memory and will treasure it forever. The same with this memory as I hope she will treasure it.
I also learned today that one of my mentors, a writer I really liked, one who was a real inspiration, has passed on. It's been a rough day. I need a bit of time to regroup. Until tomorrow...
Allison
March 7, 2014
The Journey
As I said yesterday, the kids are coming, granddaughter and her about to be husband???. They will be staying in the room I use for my office. About once every other year, someone comes to stay and the only spare space, if my oldest son is also here, is my office. Not that I mind. It doesn't happen often.
However, that means I won't be able to get to my computer. At the moment the laptop is so messed up, it's next to worthless. I can check e-mail and that's about all. Oldest son said he would take a look. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he can fix whatever is wrong. Otherwise, it will have to go back to the maker as defective.
Strange, it says I have a 64 bit, but windows shows up as 32 bit. Something isn't right.
In the meantime, this will be the last blog until Monday. If the weather is better, and pray it is, I maybe be able to breath better. Right now, it's hard. I need a dry day with high pressure. That helps.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I can't entertain like I used to and I keep forgetting.
Allison
However, that means I won't be able to get to my computer. At the moment the laptop is so messed up, it's next to worthless. I can check e-mail and that's about all. Oldest son said he would take a look. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he can fix whatever is wrong. Otherwise, it will have to go back to the maker as defective.
Strange, it says I have a 64 bit, but windows shows up as 32 bit. Something isn't right.
In the meantime, this will be the last blog until Monday. If the weather is better, and pray it is, I maybe be able to breath better. Right now, it's hard. I need a dry day with high pressure. That helps.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I can't entertain like I used to and I keep forgetting.
Allison
March 6, 2014
The Journey
Big day to edit. One of my granddaughters and her intended (yeh, an old-fashioned word) arrive tomorrow for a visit. She has been in the army for the last eight years. She's just been discharged and I think they are planning to be married soon. I'll get all the details tomorrow, or Saturday. They'll only be here for three days and since they are way out west, Washington state, I probably wouldn't get to see them again, so I'm looking forward to it, even though they are going to have to do most of the cooking. I just do have the 'wind' to fix a big meal for people any more.
Grandkids are great. This one is an artist. I hope she continues to learn, because (and I don't know much about art) I think she's good. My father was quite an artist. He sang and oh, could he draw. My love of music is from him. And I do love music, the classical kind. He was quite a fan of Mozart, as am I. It's one of the reasons I named my Welsh historical romances the song series. Welsh people, at least quite a few of them, seem to have an ability to sing. The characters in the song series who are Welsh share that talent.
So, on with the book. Shame the character in the last book does not sing. But he has charm, this rogue I'm writing.
Back to the book.
Allison
Grandkids are great. This one is an artist. I hope she continues to learn, because (and I don't know much about art) I think she's good. My father was quite an artist. He sang and oh, could he draw. My love of music is from him. And I do love music, the classical kind. He was quite a fan of Mozart, as am I. It's one of the reasons I named my Welsh historical romances the song series. Welsh people, at least quite a few of them, seem to have an ability to sing. The characters in the song series who are Welsh share that talent.
So, on with the book. Shame the character in the last book does not sing. But he has charm, this rogue I'm writing.
Back to the book.
Allison
March 5, 2014
The Journey
Talked at some length today with my hospice nurse. After I explained what I had learned in my research, she admitted she was surprised at how fast the other doctor wanted to act. As I went over the details of all that I'd learned not only about radiation but also about COPD, she agreed with most of what I had found.
I also told her I could find very little information about what happens during Stage four of COPD. Oh, there is a tremendous amount of information for those people who have just been diagnosed with the disease, but very little about the final days of someone with one of those part of it. She told me what I wanted to know. Of course, no one knows what kind of time is involved. I could be around for weeks, months, a year or two. Not likely, but it's possible.
I don't get to make that decision. I have to smile as I think of all the people flocking to the movies to see "Son of God". I guess a lot of people are searching for answers. Funny, I have mine, have had for a long time now. I remember something my mother told me years ago. She said she joined the Church because it seemed to have to best road to heaven. My mother was a wise woman. That's why this blog is called the journey. I'm on the road to heaven, taking the final trip of my life. And I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it.
Allison
I also told her I could find very little information about what happens during Stage four of COPD. Oh, there is a tremendous amount of information for those people who have just been diagnosed with the disease, but very little about the final days of someone with one of those part of it. She told me what I wanted to know. Of course, no one knows what kind of time is involved. I could be around for weeks, months, a year or two. Not likely, but it's possible.
I don't get to make that decision. I have to smile as I think of all the people flocking to the movies to see "Son of God". I guess a lot of people are searching for answers. Funny, I have mine, have had for a long time now. I remember something my mother told me years ago. She said she joined the Church because it seemed to have to best road to heaven. My mother was a wise woman. That's why this blog is called the journey. I'm on the road to heaven, taking the final trip of my life. And I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it.
Allison
March 4, 2014
The Journey
Today was a good day. Confusion dismissed. I have done some online research, got a few questions answered to my satisfaction. First and foremost, I'm considering quality of life. can do, how much, what limits my lungs put on me, all are important. Also to be considered are family. Raising expectations is never a good thing. And from the research, I can't expect much.
Also to be consider is the amount of strain and stress additional travel and treatment will place on me, and also on my family. So, for those of you who read this blog and said a quick prayer for me, my thanks. Someone far above cleared my thoughts.
I also ask, if you give this blog a gander, (Midwest term) I have a good writing friend who had cancer and it has reappeared. It's a treatable kind she says, but she will need a lot of prayers as well. Please remember her also.
Now back to those edits. Half way through!
Allison
Also to be consider is the amount of strain and stress additional travel and treatment will place on me, and also on my family. So, for those of you who read this blog and said a quick prayer for me, my thanks. Someone far above cleared my thoughts.
I also ask, if you give this blog a gander, (Midwest term) I have a good writing friend who had cancer and it has reappeared. It's a treatable kind she says, but she will need a lot of prayers as well. Please remember her also.
Now back to those edits. Half way through!
Allison
March 3, 2014
The Journey
I had a lengthy discussion with my hospice nurse this am. She understands my confusion. Doctors I trust, with whom I've worked tell me one thing and a new doctor wants to tell me something else. We compromised.
I'll keep the appointment with the radiologist and the other doctor they want me to see, but my first questions will have to do with the COPD in the left lung. A rotten lung can be replaced now for some people, but I don't fit the criteria. I've had two heart bypasses and have a lung disease which may have resulted from a childhood bacteria. Two strikes. The third is they can't put me on a machine to do a replacement even if I were a candidate. So replacement is out. COPD is not curable. Not unless there is some magic out there that's just been found.
I know I can't get better. I'm okay with that. In fact I'm managing. But if the one doesn't get me the other one will, so I have to put my faith in the Almighty and let Him decide when He wants me. I'll see the doctors and talk to them. There may be a magic pill I don't know about. After all, I don't know everything, but what I do know can kinda tell you which way I'm leaning.
The appointments are not for two more weeks. I should be able to have all the edits done by then and back to the new book. Crossing fingers and forgetting about doctors for awhile.
Allison
I'll keep the appointment with the radiologist and the other doctor they want me to see, but my first questions will have to do with the COPD in the left lung. A rotten lung can be replaced now for some people, but I don't fit the criteria. I've had two heart bypasses and have a lung disease which may have resulted from a childhood bacteria. Two strikes. The third is they can't put me on a machine to do a replacement even if I were a candidate. So replacement is out. COPD is not curable. Not unless there is some magic out there that's just been found.
I know I can't get better. I'm okay with that. In fact I'm managing. But if the one doesn't get me the other one will, so I have to put my faith in the Almighty and let Him decide when He wants me. I'll see the doctors and talk to them. There may be a magic pill I don't know about. After all, I don't know everything, but what I do know can kinda tell you which way I'm leaning.
The appointments are not for two more weeks. I should be able to have all the edits done by then and back to the new book. Crossing fingers and forgetting about doctors for awhile.
Allison
March 2, 2014
The Journey
I have to wonder if the oncologist has any idea what stress he'd added by changing everything, bing, bang, boom! I got to thinking about the supplies I'll have to research. There are at least four different things I'll require. The last time I went through this trying to satisfy the insurance company, I spent the better part of four days getting things arranged and then met with at least two snags that had to be ironed out.
My DH and I decided we have to talk to the hospice nurse and see if she can get it straightened out. The problem is a simply one. If you decide to have any kind of treatment (which I will say I haven't decided yet, based one what my original pulmonologist told me along with my heart doctor) you are dropped from the hospice program. (This is why I didn't want to change doctors, because they can never seem to agree and I had accepted what my own doctors told me.) That puts me back into Home Health Care, which is a whole different part of the insurance program. Hospice is covered by medicare. Home Health Care is my own insurance. Given what's going on with insurance these days in the US, I think most people can understand my frustration.
I'm slowly working my way through the edits, but this is a lousy time to have to do both, work on insurance and try to do a decent job editing a book.
I really need the prayers now, before I totally lose my cool.
Allison
My DH and I decided we have to talk to the hospice nurse and see if she can get it straightened out. The problem is a simply one. If you decide to have any kind of treatment (which I will say I haven't decided yet, based one what my original pulmonologist told me along with my heart doctor) you are dropped from the hospice program. (This is why I didn't want to change doctors, because they can never seem to agree and I had accepted what my own doctors told me.) That puts me back into Home Health Care, which is a whole different part of the insurance program. Hospice is covered by medicare. Home Health Care is my own insurance. Given what's going on with insurance these days in the US, I think most people can understand my frustration.
I'm slowly working my way through the edits, but this is a lousy time to have to do both, work on insurance and try to do a decent job editing a book.
I really need the prayers now, before I totally lose my cool.
Allison
March 1, 2014
The Journey
Now I'm totally confused. I'm out of Hospice because I'm supposed to talk to a doctor who does radiology. Because he might decide I can handle it, I'm out of hospice. That means Home Health Care, and all the drugs and the oxygen suppliers have to be changed. On top of that, I don't know whether he'll say no and I'll have to go back on hospice and everything will change again
I don't need this. No wonder the band is back today, big time.
Allison
I don't need this. No wonder the band is back today, big time.
Allison
February 28, 2014
The Journey
Doctors' Report:
Yesterday I missed posting because I spent four hours with the doctors. I saw first the Oncologist and then the heart doctor. The oncologist was positive and so was the heart doctor, but... The oncologist wants me to see a radiologist doctor and the heart doctor says the band is probably because of all the meds I'm swallowing. His suggestion - another pill. Okay, I'll meet the new doctor, and I'll try another pill. But both doctors seemed please so I figure I'm not at death's door anytime soon.
That of course means I have time to write more books. Of course the flu knocked the socks off me. My hospice nurse think, because it hit so fast it was the fast flu, if there is such a thing, but it took me three days to get over it. Now I'm complaining and I said I wouldn't.
I'm here, I've recovered, I don't feel too bad, and I'm ready to work on edits. Gotta get 'em done. I have this other book that is bugging me....
Allison
Yesterday I missed posting because I spent four hours with the doctors. I saw first the Oncologist and then the heart doctor. The oncologist was positive and so was the heart doctor, but... The oncologist wants me to see a radiologist doctor and the heart doctor says the band is probably because of all the meds I'm swallowing. His suggestion - another pill. Okay, I'll meet the new doctor, and I'll try another pill. But both doctors seemed please so I figure I'm not at death's door anytime soon.
That of course means I have time to write more books. Of course the flu knocked the socks off me. My hospice nurse think, because it hit so fast it was the fast flu, if there is such a thing, but it took me three days to get over it. Now I'm complaining and I said I wouldn't.
I'm here, I've recovered, I don't feel too bad, and I'm ready to work on edits. Gotta get 'em done. I have this other book that is bugging me....
Allison
