Alan Fadling's Blog, page 54

The Loving Embrace of God

Many years ago, on a typical summer day, Alan arrived home from work. As was his habit, he came to me for a welcome-home hug.

Our oldest son, then just three years old, came running up to us yelling, “Wait! I want to be in your love!”

He then proceeded to squeeze between us as we embraced, creating a hug sandwich with him as the filling. I will never forget that moment…or that phrase: I want to be in your love.

Over the years I have grown tired of my own inner dialogue—whether I am doing the right things, being the right things, saying the right things, accomplishing the right things. And not simply in regard to my outer work life but also my inner spiritual life. I have worn myself out with shoulds and ought-tos.

I think this is highlighted by the reality of decision fatigue. There are just so many options in our lives. For example, I was recently shopping for toothpaste and found myself perturbed that I had to decide between whitening formula, cavity protection, sensitive teeth, deep action, or repair and protect. Too many options. I just want to brush my teeth!

What my heart truly seeks is peace. What it truly seeks is love. My simple, sighing prayer is, “I just want to be in Your love.”

Might that be your prayer too?

Reflection  

Underneath the clamor of your own mind and the droning on of decisions awaiting you down every grocery aisle—what is your simple prayer?
How does your heart long for God’s love?

Focusing On Our Fallenness

I tend to have a scrupulous soul. I find it easy to slide into self-accusation, even self-condemnation. I’ve joked that I’m a recovering perfectionist. Sometimes my recovery isn’t going so well.

 

Are my shortcomings and offenses real? Of course. But are mercy and grace real? Even more so. I was reflecting recently on a practice that has come to have much more meaning for me as an Anglican priest than it did when I was a Baptist pastor. I’m talking about the practice of confession.

 

Confession is learning to tell the truth about myself. It’s learning to view my life in the light of God’s presence. What is the truth of my situation right now? What is reality? How might I fully face that reality and move forward choosing life rather than death, fullness rather than emptiness, joy rather than excitement, love rather than self-seeking.

 

There is a truth I face in confession. I have fallen short. I have crossed the line. I have failed in faithfulness. But this is never the final or ultimate truth any more than Genesis 3 is a greater truth than Genesis 1-2. Creation is good but fallen. A focus on fallenness fails to recover our real origin. Original beauty precedes original sin.

 

But I have a tendency to focus first on my own fallenness. I’m scrupulous to a fault. And that scrupulosity has a way of keeping me bogged down in my faults rather than leading me into true repentance—and therefore into transformation.

 

Does my heavenly Father want me to wallow in my failures? Did the prodigal father want his returning prodigal son to wallow in the failures he brought back with him? The father didn’t even let the son finish his prepared speech. The father initiated love toward him. The father threw a party.

 

I hear in the back of my mind, “But would the father have thrown a party a second time if the prodigal son ran away and again returned? How about a third or fourth time? Or countless times after that?” I can’t imagine a human father who would do that.

 

On the other hand, didn’t the Lord do this over and over with his people, Israel? Didn’t he keep inviting them back in love and grace?

 

The Father wants good for me more than I want good for myself. That is actually a greater truth than “I keep fumbling and falling.” The Father’s love is measurelessly greater than my selfishness. The Father’s encouragement is exponentially greater than my discouragement. The Father’s wisdom is infinitely greater than my foolishness.

 

There is never a moment when the Father isn’t celebrating his children’s true repentance. False repentance grieves him, even angers him, because he knows how empty a counterfeit it is. My false repentance fools only myself. And this grieves God, who wants the good of true repentance for me.

 

God isn’t inviting me to focus on my fallenness. He’s inviting me to acknowledge it in the presence of his love, which is greater than all of it. And that’s very good news.

 

For Reflection

How do you tend to respond when you become aware of your own shortcomings or line-crossings? Do you hide? Do you get busy to put it out of your mind? Are you hard on yourself?
Why not take a moment to have an honest conversation with God about how you deal with your failures or wrongdoings. See if you can’t gain a sense of God’s gracious, gentle, forgiving presence in it all.

Podcast 170: Musings on Beauty and Courage (Gem with Morgan Harper Nichols)

I have long believed the practice of gratitude and looking back in discernment is crucial for a well-lived life. In Morgan Harper Nichols’ new book, "How Far You Have Come", we are invited to notice and give thanks for our growth along the journey of life. With her unique style, and deep, soulful heart, Morgan guides us yet again with her stories, poems and art. 

 

I’m honored to call Morgan a friend. We met, by chance, at a workshop a couple of years ago and had an immediate connection. I was struck by her genuine, sweet and humble spirit. So much wisdom and care tucked into such a young woman. In this conversation, prior to engaging her book, we took time to talk about her being newly diagnosed with autism, as well as her experience with the racial tensions over the last year. I am so thankful that she is willing to share so vulnerably. Morgan is truly gifted and I am so glad she is with us again today to talk about her new book. 

 

Morgan is a popular Instagram poet and artist. She has created her life’s work around the stories of others. In addition to “How Far You Have Come” she is the author of "All Along You Were Blooming", a book of poems and art she created in response to the personal stories submitted by her friends and followers. Morgan is often on the road creating, teaching, and performing, in hopes of spreading her unique inspirational message and inviting others into her creative process. 

 

Connect with and be inspired by Morgan on social:
Instagram @morganharpernichols
Facebook @morganharpernichols
Twitter @morganhnichols

You can get a free chapter of Morgan's book, "How Far You Have Come", by signing up on our website. If you’ve downloaded free podcast bonuses before, you can access this one and all previous resources by signing on to your Unhurried Living library. Enjoy!

A Meaningful Prayer

 

I came from a faith tradition that highly valued spontaneous prayers and devalued liturgical prayers. If a prayer arose from one’s own heart and mind, that meant it was real. Praying someone else’s words didn’t seem as genuine.

 

This preference for extemporaneous prayers is based on the assumption that anything spontaneously arising from my present mindset is actually real. Except sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes what I thought was heartfelt spontaneity was really a kind of autopilot prayer that I could hardly remember when I finished.

 

I’ve discovered that the value of liturgical prayer, or of writing out my prayers instead of offering them impromptu, is the intention with which I pray them. As I pray the words, do I affirm their truth? Do I intend to offer my thanks, my praise, my requests, my concerns to God through the vehicle of these written prayers?

 

I’ve learned that it is possible to pray spontaneously with little actual intention. The liturgy of time-tested and historical prayers can be replaced by the liturgy of habitual words and phrases: “Lord Jesus, I just come and pray, Father God, that you would just bless us, Father God, and help us as we serve you. Amen.” Granted, that could be a perfectly fruitful prayer if it is spoken from the heart and not from empty habit.

 

There are times when I will overhear a spontaneous prayer and sincerely wonder what the person praying actually intends. They are clearly saying words that they mean to be directed to God as prayer, but the words themselves sound like something they’ve likely repeated out of habit. It can become a kind of meaningless spontaneity.

 

It has helped me, when I am praying spontaneously (which I do plenty) to take a second or two to be silent before I speak. This is especially helpful in any public prayer.

 

I let my heart and mind become attentive to the reality of God with me. I remember that I am not informing God of anything he does not already know as if he were ignorant. I am not trying to interest God in my concerns as if he were indifferent. I am not counseling God about the best course of action in addressing my concerns as if God had no good ideas.

 

Instead, I pray with an awareness of God’s loving knowledge of my life, relationships, and situations. I pray knowing that God is already involved and is, in fact, at work in whatever concerns me. I pray remembering that God is not somewhere far off, as though the heavens were in another sector of the universe, but that the kingdom of the heavens is closer to me than the earthly space in which I find myself.

 

I can pray with few words because so often my many words are an unnecessary attempt to inform God, recruit God, even force God’s hand to action. I can pray simply because God was already aware and engaged before I spoke. These are the things that liturgical prayers have helped me remember. At their best, they have captured this wisdom in time-tested language.

 

I also love that liturgical prayer is there for me at times when my capacity for spontaneous prayer is zero. In my young seasons of faith, I seemed to have limitless energy for self-expression in prayer. But over the years there have been many seasons when I’ve had almost nothing to say in prayer. That isn’t an expression of disinterest or apathy on my part; rather, it’s an acknowledgment of how much I don’t know about what I pray about.

 

Whether spontaneous or liturgical, we must aim for prayer rooted in a soul that is awake and alert to God. From my more recent experience, I can say that liturgy often has a way of honoring this mystery.

 

For Reflection

Think about your own recent experience of prayer. Has it been more of a spontaneous practice?
How does this way of praying continue to be meaningful to you? How have automatic (and maybe even mindless) ways of speaking to God crept in?
Has your practice drawn on traditions and liturgies of prayer already in place? How has this repetition been a meaningful, stable practice? In what ways has such prayer become more empty rote?
Talk to God about how you talk with God. See what comes in that conversation.

 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Podcast 169: Lead Like It Matters to God (Alan with Rich Stearns)

Leadership matters to God. The way leaders lead matters perhaps more to God.  We who would serve the people of God as leaders are invited to do so in the way of Jesus—the Spirit of Jesus. We often say that you do not need a position of leadership to be a person of influence.  

 

Today, I’m pleased to have as my guest Rich Stearns, President Emeritus of World Vision and author of the new book Lead Like It Matters to God. We’ll talk about some of the core values that have guided his leadership over the decades. I’m glad you’ve joined us for today’s episode of the Unhurried Living podcast. 

 

You can download a free chapter of Richard's book, Lead Like it Matters to God. Enjoy.

Be a Blessing

“Gem. Yes, that’s my name. G-E-M. It’s not a nickname. It’s not short for anything. My dad took one look at me when I was born and said, ‘What a Gem!’”

 

Over the course of my life, I’ve had this conversation more times than I can count. People’s usual response is something like, “Aww, how sweet!”

 

Growing up, I never fully appreciated my name or its meaning. I just knew that, when used with my maiden name of Wheat, it could be easily twisted into a nickname that reduced me to the size of a grain: Wheat Germ. The nucleus of a wheat kernel. Prepubescent boys couldn’t resist calling me this on a degrading daily basis in elementary school.

 

In the years that followed, and especially in my current season of life, my name is one of my most valued “possessions.” My name is the greatest blessing bestowed upon me by my dad. I couldn’t be more grateful. With the simple utterance of the words, “What a Gem!” my dad showed exactly what he thought of me.

 

Dallas Willard has said that a “blessing is the projection of good into the life of another. It isn’t merely words. It is the actual putting forth of your will for the good of another person. It always involves God. Only God is capable of bringing good to another. We naturally say, ‘God bless you,’ and that’s right. You bless someone when you will their good by invoking God on their behalf. This is the nature of blessing. God wants us to receive blessing from Him and extend it to others.”*

 

Blessing is the projection of good into the life of another.

 

We are living at a time when rampant contempt and disregard for humanity fill our daily newsfeeds. This is not limited to North America or Western culture; it’s occurring worldwide. We don’t even hear all of the terrible things that are happening, but what we do hear is now beyond unbearable.

 

Like so many others who are speaking out about this problem, I don’t have easy answers. So, from my heart, I am asking that we continue to become people of blessing.

 

We can be present in our own very real lives. Day by day. Moment by moment. We can bridle our own tongue, monitor our own anger, and guard our own heart. And we can will the good of another—one person at a time.

 

As Mother Teresa said, “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.”

 

Reflection

 Remember and savor one way God has blessed you.
Out of gratitude for that blessing, what might it look like for you to put forth your will for the good of another person today?

 

God is present. He loves you. Let that overflow, and be a blessing.

 

 

*Dallas Willard, Living in Christ’s Presence (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2014), page 164.

 

Photo by J W on Unsplash

Podcast 168: Two Spiritual Directors Respond to Questions (Gem with Stacey Green)

Today my friend and spiritual director, Stacey Green, is with me and we will be responding to some spiritual direction and formation questions that we received via social media. We’re going to interact on these themes and hopefully offer some guidance and encouragement along the way. 

Stacey Green is a trained spiritual director, a Southern CA native, and a graduate of Pepperdine University. She is passionate about offering soul care to women in all stages of life, particularly those serving in leadership positions. Stacey is knowledgeable in the Enneagram, having studied it in depth for nearly 15 years. She loves the beach, hiking, yoga, reading, gardening and is a culinary epicure.

Humility and Influence

Years ago, when I was beginning my training in spiritual direction, I had the opportunity to spend a month in community with a group of Benedictine monks and nuns. There were many insights God gave me through their friendship, but one particular lesson was something they embodied more than taught: humility.

 

They were a humble community. They didn’t draw attention to their humility or promote it—which seems like an obvious thing to say, except I’ve seen humility put on display in some circles where I’ve traveled. One of the early chapters of the Rule of Benedict offers twelve steps of humility that monks will take in their journey. Humility is the fertile soil of the monastic life.

 

One of the monks recommended a book by a Benedictine abbot. There I read these words: “To be humble is to be realistic about what one can or cannot achieve by personal effort. It is opposed, not to self-esteem, but to the illusion of personal autonomy.”*

 

Humility does not call our value into question; rather, it questions our illusion of autonomy. Humility opposes pride. It isn’t having an “I suck” attitude. It’s acknowledging that I’m dependent on Someone greater than myself.

 

Humility focuses our attention on treasuring God rather than devaluing ourselves. Humility grows in the direction of un-self-consciousness, and that can’t be achieved directly. It is a fruit of learning to fix our gaze on God moment by moment.

 

Too often it seems that our vision of leadership in North American contexts presumes the presence of pride. Humility seems somehow antithetical to influence. And yet Jesus is gentle and humble in heart, and I cannot think of anyone in all of human history who has exerted greater influence than he has.

 

Humbling yourself does not mean thinking little of yourself. It means not focusing on yourself but instead letting yourself be captivated  by the majestic and beautiful presence of God with us. If you humble yourself in this way, you’ll find that you are indeed lifted up by God’s gracious hand. Humility becomes a gift that fills us with gratitude.

 

For Reflection:

In what ways does humility sound inviting to you? In what ways do you resist the idea of humbling yourself?
What would it look like to follow Jesus’s way of being gentle and humble in heart but at the same time profoundly free and confident? This might make for a good prayer conversation starter.

 

*Demetrius Dumm, Cherish Christ Above All: The Bible in the Rule of Benedict (Latrobe, PA: Saint Vincent Archabbey Publications, 2002), p. 32.

 

Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

Podcast 167: Nine Questions for Spiritual Leaders (Alan with Tim Morey)

We’ve often said on this podcast that who you are as a leader makes all the difference in the fruitfulness of what you do as a leader. Two people can do the exact same bit of work with very different outcomes. Even little bits of work done with great love can bear more fruit than huge gatherings or impressive performances. For the Christian leader, the trajectory of our lives is in the direction of living and leading more and more in the spirit—in the way—of Jesus. 

Today, I’m talking with a fellow leader and friend, Tim Morey, about his recently released book titled Planting a Church Without Losing Your Soul. Maybe you’re a church planter. If so, this episode is going to be a bullseye for you.  

But even if you aren’t leading or participating in a church plant, you’re going gain a great deal of insight into how we become the sorts of women and men who can engage in the work of God more fruitfully and powerfully. Of that I’m confident. 

Tim Morey was born in San Diego where he embraced Christ at an early age, left the church as a teen, and was re-captured by the love of Jesus during college. Prior to planting Life Covenant Church, he served in college ministries in San Diego and Los Angeles. Tim and his wife, Samantha, are proud parents of two daughters, Abigail and Hannah. 

In addition to the book we’re talking about today, Tim is author of Embodying Our Faith: Becoming a Living, Sharing, Practicing Church and a contributor to two other titles on church planting. He serves on the national church planting team for the Evangelical Covenant Church and as an adjunct professor at Fuller Seminary.

 

Check out his book "Planting a Church without Losing Your Soul" by reading a free chapter in our podcast resource section.

Connect with Tim on social media:
Facebook @tim.morey

Truth in Advertising

I shop therefore I am. (fabric)

Remodeling is happiness. (design company)

The 5 basic necessities of life: movies, TV, video, music & books. (magazine)

Give your day a little lift. (candy)

Acquire a taste for the ultimate compliment. (appliances)

Wear it and be happy. (fragrance)

What is comfort? (shoes)

 

Each of these slogans is a direct quote from an advertising hook in a magazine. What follows in parentheses tells you the product being marketed.

 

In this list, you are promised everything from your basic needs being met, to comfort, happiness (twice), an upturn in your day, the ultimate compliment, and even existence itself. And all of it will come to you, of course, after you purchase the item being advertised.

 

It is the advertisers’ job to make you want their products. So they dig down deep into your true needs and try to grab you there. Of course I want to be happy. Of course I want to be uplifted. Of course I want to be admired. Of course I want to be comfortable.

 

According to a recent USC article, “In the 1970′s, people were exposed to about 500 ads per day. At present, people see roughly 5,000 ads per day. There are 5.3 trillion display ads shown online every year. On average, children see 20,000 thirty-second commercials each year. Adults see an average of 2 million of those on a yearly basis.”

 

And it’s not just advertising that sends us messages. From an early age we all receive messages from parents, friends, teachers, and more. We are constantly responding or reacting to messages from outside ourselves.

 

Our personality is formed, in part, by which of these messages we decide to take in and which ones we decide to push away or hide.

 

The ultimate reality is that we are loved by God just as we are, just as he made us (our true self). However, as we grow up we begin to construct a false self. We compensate for a world that is not the way we thought it would be, and over time we begin to believe the false self is who we really are. But we grow tired under the weight of that mask.

 

Brennan Manning calls our false self the imposter. “While the imposter draws his identity from past achievements and the adulation of others, the true self claims identity in its belovedness. We encounter God in the ordinariness of life: not in the search for spiritual highs and extraordinary, mystical experiences but in our simple presence in life” (Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child).

 

It is good to learn to recognize the thoughts and messages we encounter throughout our day that cause us to lose sight of our true nature as beloved children of God.

 

What messages have you been paying attention to lately? What are you letting in? Is it really true?

 

The actual truth is what enlivens the true self. Truth that is a Person. Truth that is eternal. Truth that bears good fruit and that won’t wear out or go out of style like the items in the advertisements.

 

Let’s look at the ads one more time. But this time let’s shine the light of scripture onto them:

 

I shop therefore I am.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

 

Remodeling is happiness.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:16-17)

 

The basic necessities of life

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”; and, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

 

Give your day a little lift.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (1 Peter 5:6)

 

Acquire a taste for the ultimate compliment.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:13-15)

 

Wear it and be happy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. (Psalm 28:7)

 

What is comfort?

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:23-26)

 

I encourage you not to use these verses as battering rams to beat these advertisements into submission. Rather, in the work of the soul, we notice and then we let ourselves sink into the grace that is always available to us. The manner in which we wield the truth matters.

 

We grow at the pace of grace, and we change at the pace of transformation.

 

Embrace your true self and continue to throw off the ways of the false self. That may be the greatest advertisement this world has ever seen for the grace-filled and kingdom-focused life.

 

Reflection

Which of these verses speaks to you? Offer it as a prayer and carry it with you today.

 

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash