Phil Taylor's Blog: The Phil Factor, page 177
May 8, 2013
Meet the Author: Gregory G. Allen
Two weeks ago when I was at a work meeting I received a Twitter notification on my phone that @GregoryGAllen had tweeted about buying my novel White Picket Prisons for his Kindle. Sounds like a pretty benign story right? To me it was a mind blowing occurrence. While I was getting my original novel re-edited Ihadn’tbeen out haranguing all of you to buy it. I was in fact letting my novel simmer in the background until the new version was in the e-bookstores. Then, out of the blue, someone I’ve...
May 5, 2013
Tuesdays with Tanski
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch…what were you thinking? How could it not occur to you to tryMondays with Morrie? People love alliteration. Has my blog titleThe Phil Factor not taught you anything?
In high school I was on the indoor track team. I know, sexy right? I was good, but not great. I was a skinny, shy teenage boy lacking confidence in my abilities. I didn’t think or believe that I could be great and that thinking limited me. I ran as fast as was comfortable most of the time. Comfortable gets you g...
April 27, 2013
Jerks on a Plane
Oh it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol~Johnny in the 1980 movie Airplane!
Travel is always good fodder for a blog post and my trip this week was no different. Here are some things I learned waiting in the security line:
1)If you’re over 75 you don’t have to take off your shoes or jacket. Apparently TSA believes that there is a mandatory retirement age for terrorists.
2)TSA also believes that only medical professionals...
March 17, 2013
Moving to ThePhilFactor.com
Hi Everyone, it's been a great two years or so here at Posterous, but with Posterous closing it's doors and my writing expanding I've found it necessary to move. You can find me at www.thephilfactor.com.
As always you can also find my novel White Picket Prisons on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and in the ITunes bookstore.
I'd hate to lose any of my regular peeps, so please follow me on Facebook as well!
March 11, 2013
The Next Big Thing
The Next Big Thing is a blog meme making the rounds among indie authors. A meme is kind of like a chain letter. If I break the chain by not posting this bad things will happen to me. The idea is to pique interest in your next work (the next big thing) and to expose readers to other indie authors. For this assignment I was tagged by Natalia Cherjovsky whose collection of captivating short stories, Humanity Revisited, was published to Amazon about 7 weeks ago.
What is the working title of the book? It is currently titled The Ghost Runner but since another writer published a book by that exact same name towards the end of last year I’ll have to come up with another title. Let me know if you have any ideas. No, seriously, let me know.
Where did the idea for the book come from? My son is a baseball player and when they don’t have enough players for two full teams in a pick-up game or scrimmage they employ ghost runners as imaginary runners when someone who is already on base has to bat. That’s all I’m going to tell you.
What genre does your book fall under? General fiction/suspense
What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition? That’s a tough one because the main characters are all about 12 years old. Who I would really like to cast is the actors from the movie Stand by Me, but only if they were still that age. This would have been a great story for both Corey’s, Feldman and Haim, to have been cast in as young actors.
What is the one sentence synopsis of your book? The Golden Boys return, or become, in this humorous prequel that takes the reader back to the terrifying and magical summer that forged the lifelong bond between them.
How long did it take you to draft the first manuscript? I’m still working on it. Are you implying that people actually write more than one draft of a manuscript?
What else about your book might pique the readers’ interest? For readers that follow my Facebook page I’ve had contests where the readers give me ideas for the name of places and other things in the story, so several readers will get to see their funny ideas worked into the story. For those that read White Picket Prisons they might be surprised to know that there may be a little romance for Chuck and a whole other Golden Boy they’ve never heard of. There’s also a fair bit of humor worked into the story as well.
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency? At this point I’m planning on self-publishing, but if anyone knows an agent or agency who might be interested I’m willing to listen to offers. Let’s just say that I’m looking for Stephen King kind of money. I probably won’t find it, but it can’t hurt to look.
My tagged writer to do this for next Wednesday is the talented Rene Folsom. Check out her whole catalogue of paranormal romance novels.
March 9, 2013
Daylight Stupid Time
When I'm elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I'm going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don't know if other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 100 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn't someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay abouts can't be bothered to set their alarm clocks we're all stuck changing time?
I don't know if anyone else noticed, but about 6 or 7 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end. First off, why isn't it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 100 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don't get me.
Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don't we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I'd like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I'd like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of...well...I guess I can't think of a bigger collection. Why doesn't Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?
B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anthying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn't muck about with time.
In an effort to help you, and show off my newfound ability to use hyperlinks, I'm providng this video of tips to help you adjust to the time change. If you need this information you're an idiot, no offense meant of course. Apparently the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks. So where's the problem? That sounds like natural selection at work!
I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don't work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I'll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I'm elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change.
If you'd like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook Like or Share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend.
March 2, 2013
Bad Blogs on Broadway
When Al Gore invented the internet he had no idea most of it would be wasted by bloggers. Allowing just anyone to blog without a screening process is like letting 'The People of Walmart' walk around with a p.a. system all the time. Just because you can say something doesn't mean you should. It's gotten so bad that even Fox News has a blog.
Bloggers have no idea what the rest of us think of them. In conversation if you ask someone what they do and they respond with, "I'm a school teacher and a blogger," how do you react? Most of us roll our eyes and sigh, hopefully not too noticeably because we don't want to upset the "blogger." You know how volatile they can be. They might run off and write a scathing post about us that would be read by all of their friend. The one thing that we don't do when someone tells us they're a blogger is to say, "What's your blog about?" In fact I'm fairly certain that last sentence was the first time in history that those words have actually been assembled into a sentence.
I imagine that at internet headquarters the people in charge are getting pissed. I picture a bunch a poindexter brainiacs in a room looking at a white board with a pie chart titled "Internet" that shows the internet contains 10% legitimate websites, 40% pornography/dating sites, and 50% blogs. Next to that would be another pie chart titled "Blogs with redeeming social value." That chart is just a big empty circle.
Blogging is so 2005 isn't it? There was a time when it was kind of cool to have a blog. Ok, maybe there wasn't, but now that virtually every person in the public eye has a website masquerading as a "blog" that you can comment on it is so not cool. You know what is cool is the Harlem Shake. Nope, definitely not. As soon as someone in my demographic knows what something is, like blogging or the Harlem Shake, then that thing has lost whatever cache it might have had. Seriously, I just nailed down Gangnam Style and now I have to learn the Harlem Shake? I think the definitive way to tell if some pop culture trend is past it's cool peak is that if someone with a blog describes it as cool.
What is hot now is Vlogging. Video Blogging! Instead of writing words you read, all of us arrogant dolts who think you want to know our thoughts are now on Youtube in front of our webcam telling you what we think. I know, that's pretty hot right? I guess Tosh.0 has to get his material somewhere.
I just wrote a sarcastic blog about blogging. Does that make me an ironic hipster? I'm not sure, but if I just said ironic hipster then it is definitely not cool to be one. I'll make a deal with you. If at least 10 of you go back to your Facebook page and click the "Share" link under this I promise I won't ever do a Vlog. This is a birthday present to my big brother Steve whose birthday was yesterday and he asked me to write a sarcastic blog about bloggers.
February 23, 2013
The Everyday Oscars
Well, it's happened again. I was passed over. Not a single Oscar nomination. The whole process is completely biased against people like me. Ok, I know that there aren't really other people like me, but that does not excuse the Hollywood establishments prejudice against me. The Oscars have been handed out longer than I've been alive, but not once have I been awarded a gold, phallic statuette. Just because I'm not some kiss-ass Hollywood insider who's made a movie in the past year they completely overlook my accomplishments!
It is because of this snub that I refuse to attend the awards ceremony. I do have Oscar-worthy acting talent. So do many of you. Just because our skills don't appear on the big screen doesn't mean our talents should go unappreciated! To recognize the acting achievements of everyone like me, I hereby introduce The First Annual Everyday Oscar Awards! I imagine the awards ceremony will go something like this:
MC Phil: The Everyday Oscar for Best Performance in The Workplace goes to...(fumbling with envelope)..Mark Genzler for his role in "The Overdue Report!"; (video clip begins to roll on the monitor) Mark: "Yes Mr. Whalen, I knew that report was due this morning. I was about to forward it to you when I got the call that my grandmother, the woman who raised me after my parents died, was in a car accident." Mr. Whalen: "Is that a Hooters napkin sticking out of your pocket?" Mark: "Yes it is sir. The hospital needed two quarts of my blood for the transfusion. They said I should drink lots fluids for the rest of the day. I got a little woozy driving back to the office and I had to pull over."
MC Phil:That always brings a tear to my eye. Next up, the Everyday Oscar for Best Relationship Saving Performance goes to...Susan Reynolds for her fantastic performance in "Whose Boxers Are These?" (video clip begins to roll) Boyfriend: "Heather, I just found these boxer shorts under your side of the bed! They're not mine! Whose are they?!!?" Susan: Awww! You ruined the surprise! I bought them for you, but I got so turned on at the thought of you in them, that I put them on myself and wore them around for a day. Would you like to see me in them?" Boyfriend:"Are these your skid marks?" Susan: "Umm...yeah?"
If you'd like to nomonate me for an Oscar, Everyday or otherwise, please click the Facebook Like or share button, subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and you can follow me on Facebook here; Facebook.com/AuthorPhilTaylor
February 16, 2013
We're All Gonna Die!
"We're all gonna die!" It seemed very funny to shout that during a fire drill my freshman year at Cicero High School. It was still funny to my friend John Martin and I after we realized our only consequence would be a stern talking to by the principal. Yes, when confronted I dragged my friend into it. He dared me to, I said.
What happened was that in the midst of 2000 students being evacuated from our high school I turned to my friend John and said, Do you dare me to yell "We're all gonna die?" Of course John took me up on my offer and unwittingly became my accomplice when I caught heat from the man. At the time I was young and foolish with no concept of my own mortality. I thought death was something to be laughed at.
I no longer think death is funny. I generally still do not believe in my own mortality, but I'm starting to hedge my bets in this regard. Just because it happens to other people doesn't mean it will happen to me. As my mother always said, "If your friend jumped off a bridge does that mean you have to?" Much to my mother's eternal satisfaction I am answering NO. If you want to die, go ahead and do it, but I refuse to be a follower.
My problem is that yesterday a meteor or meteors filled the sky over Russia and actually hurt some people. Also some scientists with a telescope larger than a third world country notified us that an asteroid would be buzzing our planet today close enough to knock some branches off of the trees in my back yard. I may not believe that I'm going to die, but I'm not completely unrealistic. I will admit than an asteroid, in most cases, is larger than me and if it hit me in the head I would have a hard time surviving that. Yes, I know I have a large head, but not large enough that it has it's own gravitational pull.
Who I'm really angry at is the scientists. Damn them and their ever inquisitive minds! Why did they have to tell me this? Did anyone here really want to know that getting hit by an asteroid the size of Rhode Island is a possibility? In this case ignorance is bliss. Why couldn't the scientists just leave well enough alone? My entire life I've been at the top of the food chain and that has been a pretty secure feeling. Now this. Now I have to spend the rest of my life staring up at the sky looking for asteroids.
In general I figure that if a really big one hit the Earth I'd be fine as long as it didn't hit me directly in the head. Maybe all this is why the scientists developed the male birth control pill. They just figured that if we're all gonna die then we might as well start getting jiggy with it. Yes, that's right, I said jiggy. I'm bringin' jiggy back. In fact, that's probably the new science geek pick up line. "Hey baby, you know we might get hit by an asteroid any minute, so why don't you just go ahead and get jiggy with me? Obviously I'm cool enough to say jiggy, but the scientists aren't.
When I'm elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I'm going to pass a law stating that if the scientists see an asteroid headed our way, unless they have some way to make the entire planet duck out of the way they should just shut the hell up.
If you enjoy my nonsense and want to make sure you don't miss an episode until the big one hits, you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and follow me on Facebook by clicking the Like button at www.Facebook.com/AuthorPhilTaylor. If you're a Cicero High School alum click the Facebook Share button below so we can continue to reminisce together about our high school highjinks and so that this eventually gets back to John, who is probably still mad that I sold him out.
February 11, 2013
When I'm elected Pope, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first...
The Pope is retiring! You know what that means right? There's a job opening. I'd better brush up my resume and see how many Cardinals I know on LinkedIn. It won't be easy, but I think that I can at least score an interview. I interview well, but just because I'm not a glad handing Cardinal in the Catholic church I may not even get a whiff of consideration for the job. That is totally not fair.
If I am ever elected Pope the first thing I'm going to do is revise that hat. It's got to be a total pain in the ass to get through doorways wearing a 3 foot hat that's shaped like a post hole digger. And how in the world does that guy sleep at night wearing that thing? His bed must be 9 feet long! Yes, he does wear it to sleep in. How else do you explain the fact that every time you see him he's in a big, white bathrobe. He didn't really mean to have a Christmas Midnight Mass for a million people. He was just rolling out of the rack and heading out to his balcony to have a smoke. Once he got out there and saw the million people and tv cameras he just ran with it. You gotta respect that.
I think a nice papal baseball cap worn backwards would be cool. It could have a big "V" on the front for Vatican. When I'm Pope I'll also have one of those big foam No. 1 fingers for waving from the balcony to the millions of people who wait outside all the time. You know there is no way that the guy standing 800 rows back from the Vatican can see that little Miss America wave that the Pope does.
One reason I want to become Pope is because of the Popemobile. Fourth coolest vehicle in existence behind the Batmobile, the Mystery Machine, and the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile. If I'm elected Pope I guarantee that ride becomes Numero Uno. I'll add some bitchin' flame decals on the side to signify how I'm totally defeating Satan with my badass ride. Then I'd add some 20" mag rims, make that bad boy a low rider with a hydraulic kit, wire in a killer sound system and doors that open like a DeLorean. Tell me that sled wouldn't have worshipers!
I've got a goatee. If I were Pope I'd keep that. A Pope with a goatee would be cool. Especially if it was me.
I know I usually only post on weekends, but I was so excited about this Pope thing I had to put this right up. Don't worry, if I'm elected Pope I'll still keep blogging. A Pope with a goatee and a blog. How cool would that be? Also as Pope-to-be I decree that the 11th commandment shall be that if you laughed even a little at this please hit the Facebook like or share button.
