Sanjo Jendayi's Blog, page 5
April 6, 2015
“Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?” Blog Series Part 4
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.”
-Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message Bible)
Most times we have to go back to the beginning in order to move forward. I truly believe that all that was wrong with me as an adult was deep-rooted in my past. I had to first admit that something was not right with my present belief system and how I processed situations, circumstances and crisis. I realized that there was a large part of me that was still hurting, grieving, blaming and chasing. Chasing something; anything to fill the hole in my soul that seemed insatiable. Somewhere, somehow my life was being choked out by weeds. Sometimes, you have to dig up the root and start over to get a good crop.
I remember being a little girl who loved to play dress up. I would go into my mommy’s room and put my tiny feet in her shoes, put on her jewelry and a little lipstick and dance around the room. One day my mom caught me and after laughing, she said, “chile, don’t you rush to get old.” I replied that it was fun and I was just pretending. Now I am all grown up and realizing that most of us are little girls masquerading in the body of a full grown woman and there is nothing fun about pretending. If we are to be completely honest with ourselves, we will find that somewhere along the way, we became a “Little Girl Lost”.
I believe God made women exactly as He wanted us to be…loving, caring, emotional, nurturing, forgiving, intelligent, sensual, strong, resourceful, encouraging, etc…the problem, is finding the balance of it all. We have endured painful, traumatic experiences that we have allowed to shift the balance of all that God created us to be and we carry hurts, pains and disappointments from childhood into our adult life.
What does that look like, you may ask? Imagine the hump back of Notre Dame…with your face. Every time we experience something negative in our life, we pile it on top of that invisible hump in our back, weighing us down until we feel we can’t move without pain. I think Erykah Badu was onto something when she sung:
“
Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you”
I had to sit down and really reflect on my life including my most recent loss and disappointments. I mentally unpacked all of my emotional bags and determined in my heart that I was going to go back through the muck and mire, all of the pain, let-downs, bitterness, self-doubt, self-loathing, tumble weeds of wounds, people who teased me; abandoned me; talked about me, raped me and beat me to rescue the little girl who was lost in all of my life’s experiences.
I sat down and remembered my innocence…went back to my earliest memory of pure innocence, trust and zest for life. Talked to a counselor or two and began my trek back in time to save myself.
For me, that innocence was at its purest when I was 8 years old. I had loved to read since about 3 and I found myself always reading aloud to myself, my brothers, my mother and anyone who would listen. My teachers took notice of this and would often call on me to read to my class and perform the task of Mistress of Ceremonies at our school assemblies in Plummer Elementary School. One day, Mrs. Gatewood, my 3rd grade teacher recommended that I, a little black girl from the projects introduce DC’s newest Mayor, Marion Barry at his Inauguration Luncheon. Boy was I excited. I had to go up against a few other hopefuls but I was chosen! She and my mom helped me write my speech and I practiced and practiced and practiced some more because I wanted to be great. The day finally came and my mom and I set out to the event. That day I stepped up on that stage, confidently placed my speech on that podium, looked out into the audience and opened my mouth. My words rushed back to memory and I never once looked at that paper as my speech flowed through my voice box, floated past my tonsils, bid adieu to my tongue, glided between my lips and landed into my audience’s ears. It was so natural for me and I remember as I stood there about to close, hearing a small still voice whispering, “This is what you were born to do”. I was shaken out of my moment by the thunderous applause of the standing audience. God’s purpose had been implanted in me and at that very moment, I was impregnated with possibility.
At that time, I was innocent enough to believe I could do anything. My teachers told me I could, my principal, Mr. Brawner told me I could, my mom told me I could and my grandma told me I could. I believed that God wanted me to speak for Him. I believed that people were good and that being a kid was the best thing ever.
Filed under: Life
���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?��� Blog Series Part 4
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
���Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God���you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration���what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.���
-Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message Bible)
��
Most times we have to go back to the beginning in order to move forward.�� I truly believe that all that was wrong with me as an adult was deep-rooted in my past. I had to first admit that something was not right with my present belief system and how I processed situations, circumstances and crisis.�� I realized that there was a large part of me that was still hurting, grieving, blaming and chasing.�� Chasing something; anything to fill the hole in my soul that seemed insatiable. Somewhere, somehow my life was being choked out by weeds. Sometimes, you have to dig up the root and start over to get a good crop.
I remember being a little girl who loved to play dress up. I would go into my mommy���s room and put my tiny feet in her shoes, put on her jewelry and a little lipstick and dance around the room. One day my mom caught me and after laughing, she said, ���chile, don���t you rush to get old.��� I replied that it was fun and I was just pretending. Now I am all grown up and realizing that most of us are little girls masquerading in the body of a full grown woman and there is nothing fun about pretending. If we are to be completely honest with ourselves, we will find that somewhere along the way, we became a ���Little Girl Lost���.
I believe God made women exactly as He wanted us to be���loving, caring, emotional, nurturing, forgiving, intelligent, sensual, strong, resourceful, encouraging, etc���the problem, is finding the balance of it all. We have endured painful, traumatic experiences that we have allowed to shift the balance of all that God created us to be and we carry hurts, pains and disappointments from childhood into our adult life.
What does that look like, you may ask? Imagine the hump back of Notre Dame���with your face. Every time we experience something negative in our life, we pile it on top of that invisible hump in our back, weighing us down until we feel we can���t move without pain. I think Erykah Badu was onto something when she sung:
���
Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you���
I had to sit down and really reflect on my life including my most recent loss and disappointments. I mentally unpacked all of my emotional bags and determined in my heart that I was going to go back through the muck and mire, all of the pain, let-downs, bitterness, self-doubt, self-loathing, tumble weeds of wounds, people who teased me; abandoned me; talked about me, raped me and beat me to rescue the little girl who was lost in all of my life���s experiences.
I sat down and remembered my innocence���went back to my earliest memory of pure innocence, trust and zest for life. Talked to a counselor or two and began my trek back in time to save myself.
For me, that innocence was at its purest when I was 8 years old. I had loved to read since about 3 and I found myself always reading aloud to myself, my brothers, my mother and anyone who would listen. My teachers took notice of this and would often call on me to read to my class and perform the task of Mistress of Ceremonies at our school assemblies in Plummer Elementary School. One day, Mrs. Gatewood, my 3rd grade teacher recommended that I, a little black girl from the projects introduce DC���s newest Mayor, Marion Barry at his Inauguration Luncheon. Boy was I excited. I had to go up against a few other hopefuls but I was chosen! She and my mom helped me write my speech and I practiced and practiced and practiced some more because I wanted to be great. The day finally came and my mom and I set out to the event. That day I stepped up on that stage, confidently placed my speech on that podium, looked out into the audience and opened my mouth. My words rushed back to memory and I never once looked at that paper as my speech flowed through my voice box, floated past my tonsils, bid adieu to my tongue, glided between my lips and landed into my audience���s ears. It was so natural for me and I remember as I stood there about to close, hearing a small still voice whispering, ���This is what you were born to do���. I was shaken out of my moment by the thunderous applause of the standing audience. God���s purpose had been implanted in me and at that very moment, I was impregnated with possibility.
At that time, I was innocent enough to believe I could do anything. My teachers told me I could, my principal, Mr. Brawner told me I could, my mom told me I could and my grandma told me I could. I believed that God wanted me to speak for Him. I believed that people were good and that being a kid was the best thing ever.
Filed under: Life
April 1, 2015
“Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?” Blog Series Part 5
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
One week not long after the inauguration, I had this dream for seven nights straight always picking up where it left off the night before. I was being chased by someone, I didn’t know who because I couldn’t see his face but he had a knife and he chased me around my house, throughout my neighborhood, through every room of my church and on the seventh night I fell to the ground, he fell on top of me with his knife raised…and…and… I woke up. Never to dream that dream again. I later dreamed another dream consistently that I was falling off this very tall building and I would lose my breath as I was falling, however I never saw myself hit the ground. At the time, I was totally clueless as to what these dreams meant.
I was about 9 on the brink of 10 when my brother and I went to his father’s house one day and he and his friends were 
drinking and smoking pot. My brother and I were curious so we snuck one of his cigarettes and got caught smoking it. His father decided to teach us a lesson and allowed us to drink as many pony beers as we wanted and smoke from his marijuana bong. Needless to say we were sick as dogs and we never told our mother about that weekend. We also vowed that we would never do that again.
My mom was a single mother and she was struggling to raise my two brothers and me. I remember times when even with her best efforts, the lights were out or times when we had no food whatsoever but she would always pull a rabbit out of her hat to provide for her children. I remember one particular time when our electricity was turned off and we had to put all of our bologna, bread, mayonnaise, juice, etc. in the window to stay cold so we could have something to eat. Despite all of that, my mom would always bounce back and give to others. She would make meals out of some flour and a few can goods. I remember thinking my mom was some great inventor, magician or something because she always seemed to make a way out of no way. I didn’t realize until later how much of herself she sacrificed for us.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was crossing the street one day and I was hit (grazed) by a metro bus which subsequently caused me to have black-out spells for years (totally embarrassing in the middle of class). I was on Dilantin for most of my childhood. My grandmother and other family members began coming down on my mom a lot because of my seizures. My mom would have to drop everything on many occasions and come up to the school or meet the ambulance at the hospital. It began to take a toll on her and one day in the heat of anger she told me she didn’t like me. I never really knew my dad, just heard stories about him so when my mom told me this, I didn’t know what to think or how to react. I remember hearing one story about my dad being in a car accident that rendered him sterile so I was the only child he could have.
One day out of what seemed like the clear blue sky my mom told me my dad was coming over and I came home from school for the first time to come face to face with my father. He didn’t really pay much attention to me; he wanted to talk to my mother. When he left, I cried for hours, partly because he didn’t seem to want me at all and because after he left, my only picture of me and Mayor Marion Barry from the Inauguration Luncheon seemed to be missing. All I had left was a copy that my mom had managed to get from one of my classmates mom. This angered me and I really felt so unwanted and unloved.
At 12 years old, I entered the 7th grade and my Home Economics teacher, the late Mrs. Margaret Collins also saw something in me as she watched a group of us raging hormone teenagers sit at the table talking. I remember thinking, “why am I in this class? I don’t want to learn how to sew or cook, just let me read a book and I will be happy”. Well, let’s just say God heard my thoughts because Mrs. Collins told me about Future Homemakers of America (FHA), an organization comprised of students that encouraged their peers to focus on education, careers and family. I didn’t know much about this organization but when she asked me to join, I said yes. After a few months in her class and under Mrs. Collins guidance I ran for Regional President of FHA and won.
Filed under: Uncategorized
���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?��� Blog Series Part 5
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
One week not long after the inauguration, I had this dream for seven nights straight always picking up where it left off the night before. I was being chased by someone, I didn���t know who because I couldn���t see his face but he had a knife and he chased me around my house, throughout my neighborhood, through every room of my church and on the seventh night I fell to the ground, he fell on top of me with his knife raised���and���and��� I woke up. Never to dream that dream again. I later dreamed another dream consistently that I was falling off this very tall building and I would lose my breath as I was falling, however I never saw myself hit the ground. At the time, I was totally clueless as to what these dreams meant.
I was about 9 on the brink of 10 when my brother and I went to his father���s house one day and he and his friends were drinking and smoking pot. My brother and I were curious so we snuck one of his cigarettes and got caught smoking it. His father decided to teach us a lesson and allowed us to drink as many pony beers as we wanted and smoke from his marijuana bong. Needless to say we were sick as dogs and we never told our mother about that weekend. We also vowed that we would never do that again.
My mom was a single mother and she was struggling to raise my two brothers and me. I remember times when even with her best efforts, the lights were out or times when we had no food whatsoever but she would always pull a rabbit out of her hat to provide for her children. I remember one particular time when our electricity was turned off and we had to put all of our bologna, bread, mayonnaise, juice, etc. in the window to stay cold so we could have something to eat. Despite all of that, my mom would always bounce back and give to others. She would make meals out of some flour and a few can goods. I remember thinking my mom was some great inventor, magician or something because she always seemed to make a way out of no way. I didn���t realize until later how much of herself she sacrificed for us.
By the time I was 10 years old, I was crossing the street one day and I was hit (grazed) by a metro bus which subsequently caused me to have black-out spells for years (totally embarrassing in the middle of class). I was on Dilantin for most of my childhood. My grandmother and other family members began coming down on my mom a lot because of my seizures. My mom would have to drop everything on many occasions and come up to the school or meet the ambulance at the hospital. It began to take a toll on her and one day in the heat of anger she told me she didn’t like me. I never really knew my dad, just heard stories about him so when my mom told me this, I didn’t know what to think or how to react. I remember hearing one story about my dad being in a car accident that rendered him sterile so I was the only child he could have.
One day out of what seemed like the clear blue sky my mom told me my dad was coming over and I came home from school for the first time to come face to face with my father. He didn���t really pay much attention to me; he wanted to talk to my mother. When he left, I cried for hours, partly because he didn���t seem to want me at all and because after he left, my only picture of me and Mayor Marion Barry from the Inauguration Luncheon seemed to be missing. All I had left was a copy that my mom had managed to get from one of my classmates mom. This angered me and I really felt so unwanted and unloved.
At 12 years old, I entered the 7th grade and my Home Economics teacher, the late Mrs. Margaret Collins also saw something in me as she watched a group of us raging hormone teenagers sit at the table talking. I remember thinking, ���why am I in this class? I don���t want to learn how to sew or cook, just let me read a book and I will be happy���. Well, let���s just say God heard my thoughts because Mrs. Collins told me about Future Homemakers of America (FHA), an organization comprised of students that encouraged their peers to focus on education, careers and family. I didn���t know much about this organization but when she asked me to join, I said yes. ��After a few months in her class and under Mrs. Collins guidance I ran for Regional President of FHA and won.
Filed under: Uncategorized
March 22, 2015
“Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?” Blog Series Part 3
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
Life Changing Encounter
I remember that day I first got a glimpse of you
You were so confident and sure
The total opposite of the little girl fearful and insecure
As I reflect and dissect the past
I remember being a little afraid of the possibilities that you represented
Because I lived in a world of limitations
So imagine my hesitation…when I met you
Growth was staring me right in my face, but was I ready?
Could I dream the dream?
Envision the vision?
Then live it?
Could I finally sever the ties to this long relationship with fear?
Could I leave doubt in the dust and trust?
Am I ready to love unconditionally…INWARDLY?
To allow what will be to just be?
I felt my life changing as I starting rearranging my thoughts
My knees began to get weak and butterflies fluttered in my stomach
It was the beginning of love and it felt so good
As I come out of meditation I see there are no limitations
To the possibilities that lie in me
I opened my eyes and felt a new me rise
And life couldn’t get any clearer
As I look in the mirror
And see me smiling in my special way
It was destined for us to meet this way
So I could throw self-hate away
And love all of me…Sanjo Jendayi
Wholeheartedly, unashamedly and unconditionally
Projecting onto others positively
I’m so pleased I met the me that God intended for me to be!
Filed under: Uncategorized
���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?��� Blog Series Part 3
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
Life Changing Encounter
I remember that day I first got a glimpse of you
You were so confident and sure
The total opposite of the little girl fearful and insecure
As I reflect and dissect the past
I remember being a little afraid of the possibilities that you represented
Because I lived in a world of limitations
So imagine my hesitation���when I met you
Growth was staring me right in my face, but was I ready?
Could I dream the dream?
Envision the vision?
Then live it?
Could I finally sever the ties to this long relationship with fear?
Could I leave doubt in the dust and trust?
Am I ready to love unconditionally���INWARDLY?
To allow what will be to just be?
I felt my life changing as I starting rearranging my thoughts
My knees began to get weak and butterflies fluttered in my stomach
It was the beginning of love and it felt so good
As I come out of meditation I see there are no limitations
To the possibilities that lie in me
I opened my eyes and felt a new me rise
And life couldn���t get any clearer
As I look in the mirror
And see me smiling in my special way
It was destined for us to meet this way
So I could throw self-hate away
And love all of me���Sanjo Jendayi
Wholeheartedly, unashamedly and unconditionally
Projecting onto others positively
I���m so pleased I met the me that God intended for me to be!
Filed under: Uncategorized
“Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?” Blog Series Part 2
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
I didn’t have time to promote or have a book release party for either of the books because my health took a dramatic turn for the worst. If you read Girl, Get Empty you will remember I wrote that book while in the hospital. Upon leaving the hospital I was feeling better than ever but it didn’t last long.
Suddenly everything began to change and fall in a domino effect and at first, I tried to stop it to know avail. I lost my job, my home, my car, and my credit. I had to file for disability and move in with my daughter. About seven months passed with absolutely no income while I awaited a disability decision. I became totally dependent on friends and family for my everyday living needs. It felt so strange to be sitting on boxes of books (money) yet not have any money to take care of myself. Believe me it wasn’t for lack of trying! Honey, even while sick I tried to think of and implement every marketing strategy I could think of, read about or was suggested to me but NOTHING would work! Talk about being empty! I was empty of those material things and I was struggling to stay filled with the promises that God had given me. I was struggling to believe the visions that God had allowed me to see so vividly. I began to doubt that I had heard Him clearly when He told me to release the books. I would question God saying stuff like; “Really God? I did what you told me. I’m not understanding.” Yet something inside of me refused to give up. That little voice inside kept telling me, “you heard correct.” What I know is this, God had only given me the pieces I could handle…If he had told me that I would get sicker, I would lose everything, be totally dependent on Him through others, and have to rent rooms; oh yeah I would have said; “I’ll pass Lord!”
See He knows me and He knew I would have opted for the door I already had keys to without question.
During this time, God revealed a bit to me about my own deep rooted self-esteem issues that needed to be uprooted and purged. In my purging I wrote an E-book, Showing MySelf Esteem and gave it away for free in hopes of helping others to attack a key root to a multitude of problems.
In the last two years, I learned so much more about myself and discovered an inner gift of upcycling furniture (I find it to be peaceful & relaxing). This gift has partnered me with a family member and Artist, Delvia Wilder who already had a business idea to sell her custom greeting cards through ArtSoulistic Creations. I loved her work so much; I just wanted to help her administratively to get her business off of the ground. We put our heads together and began formulating the business and even though we haven’t fully launched it yet, it has evolved into home décor, redesigned furniture, one-of-a-kind pillows and much more. At this point my contribution to the business is the furniture, ideas and administrative support.
As I write this blog…I have been officially declared disabled. I have rented a room from two different friends before moving into my own studio apartment living very scarcely off of a fixed income but I am re-writing my story. This journey is chock full of beautiful lessons, life keys and letting go. I have screamed on more than one occasion, “Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill Fulfilled?” Hence, the title of this blog series. I know I am not the only one who has felt or feels this way. Initially I wanted to be refilled but God has been showing me to be careful what I ask for knowing that I will receive it. See, to be refilled simply means to be filled again. Oh, but to be fulfilled means to make full; to meet the requirements of; to measure up to (satisfy); to convert into reality and last but not least, to develop the full potentialities of! Yessssss! I AM being fulfilled!
By the time you and I finish this blog series, our past will no longer control our future. We will be able to look back over our past and pull the resources from it. We will no longer be counted out but we will be on the move and we will not only say with power and authority, “MOVE MOUNTAIN MOVE” but we will watch it move!
I am coming to the realization through many trials and tribulations that I have the power to move mountains. Me, little ole me possess a Power so great that it can no longer be contained! God is showing me that if I just TRUST THE PROCESS, I can truly do anything through GOD and so can you!
Are you a victim or a survivor? After you finish this blog series you will be able to answer, NEITHER to this question. Your answer will confidently be: I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!
Oftentimes after sharing my story I am asked, “How did you make it through all of that? How come you don’t look like what you’ve been through?” Well, you are reading the answer via this blog series as a direct result of me re-writing my story as I am living it. This blog series is therapeutic healing for me…its part confession, part diary, and ALL conversations with the God/Dess in me. I ask that you follow this blog series and stick with me on this journey as I share the keys I am learning to fulfillment:
Rescue the “Little Girl Lost”
Take Responsibility
Declare Enough is Enough
Tap Into Your Inner Power
Move the Mountain
Re-Write Your Story
L.I.V.E. (Live In Victory Everyday)
Everyone has a story to tell and although not everyone is called to share their story with the world, we are all called to share it with at least one person in an effort to help someone else transition from victim through survivor to being more than a conqueror. We tell our story in so many ways…through song, poetry, art, writing, dancing, loving, walking, exercising, teaching, preaching, and evangelizing. I’m sure you get the picture…I will sum it all up by concluding that we tell our story simply by LIVING!
God has called us to spread the Gospel and guess what? That gospel is your very story. Stop keeping it to yourself. What good is it doing you? If anything, it is keeping you captive to your past. The beauty of what I am going to share with you is that you can share your story as you are re-writing it! Let God guide you on whom to share it, how to share it, but by all means, set yourself free and L.I.V.E. I can guarantee you a few things will begin to happen:
You will become more than a conqueror living out your purpose
You will attract others who are doing the same
You will help someone else to that same freedom and that’s a gift that keeps on giving.
We all benefit from purpose-driven, purpose-living people. I challenge you, no I dare you to read my story, experience your life changing encounter and join me in becoming More Than Conquerors! It’s not just a lifestyle, it’s a mindset!
Filed under: Life, Spiritual
���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?��� Blog Series Part 2
*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*
I didn’t have time to promote or have a book release party for either of the books because my health took a dramatic turn for the worst. If you read Girl, Get Empty you will remember I wrote that book while in the hospital. Upon leaving the hospital I was feeling better than ever but it didn’t last long.
Suddenly everything began to change and fall in a domino effect and at first, I tried to stop it to know avail. I lost my job, my home, my car, and my credit. I had to file for disability and move in with my daughter. About seven months passed with absolutely no income while I awaited a disability decision. I became totally dependent on friends and family for my everyday living needs. It felt so strange to be sitting on boxes of books (money) yet not have any money to take care of myself. Believe me it wasn���t for lack of trying! Honey, even while sick I tried to think of and implement every marketing strategy I could think of, read about or was suggested to me but NOTHING would work! Talk about being empty! I was empty of those material things and I was struggling to stay filled with the promises that God had given me. I was struggling to believe the visions that God had allowed me to see so vividly. I began to doubt that I had heard Him clearly when He told me to release the books. I would question God saying stuff like; ���Really God? I did what you told me. I���m not understanding.��� Yet something inside of me refused to give up. That little voice inside kept telling me, ���you heard correct.��� What I know is this, God had only given me the pieces I could handle���If he had told me that I would get sicker, I would lose everything, be totally dependent on Him through others, and have to rent rooms; oh yeah I would have said; ���I���ll pass Lord!���
See He knows me and He knew I would have opted for the door I already had keys to without question.
During this time, God revealed a bit to me about my own deep rooted self-esteem issues that needed to be uprooted and purged. In my purging I wrote an E-book, Showing MySelf Esteem and gave it away for free in hopes of helping others to attack a key root to a multitude of problems.
In the last two years, I learned so much more about myself and discovered an inner gift of upcycling furniture (I find it to be peaceful & relaxing). This gift has partnered me with a family member and Artist, Delvia Wilder who already had a business idea to sell her custom greeting cards through ArtSoulistic Creations. I loved her work so much; I just wanted to help her administratively to get her business off of the ground. We put our heads together and began formulating the business and even though we haven���t fully launched it yet, it has evolved into home d��cor, redesigned furniture, one-of-a-kind pillows and much more. ��At this point my contribution to the business is the furniture, ideas and administrative support.
As I write this blog���I have been officially declared disabled. I have rented a room from two different friends before moving into my own studio apartment living very scarcely off of a fixed income but I am re-writing my story. This journey is chock full of beautiful lessons, life keys and letting go. I have screamed on more than one occasion, ���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill Fulfilled?��� Hence, the title of this blog series. I know I am not the only one who has felt or feels this way. ��Initially I wanted to be refilled but God has been showing me to be careful what I ask for knowing that I will receive it. See, to be refilled simply means to be filled again. Oh, but to be fulfilled means to make full; to meet the requirements of; to measure up to (satisfy); to convert into reality and last but not least, to develop the full potentialities of! Yessssss! I AM being fulfilled!
By the time you and I finish this blog series, our past will no longer control our future. We will be able to look back over our past and pull the resources from it. ��We will no longer be counted out but we will be on the move and we will not only say with power and authority, ���MOVE MOUNTAIN MOVE��� but we will watch it move!
I am coming to the realization through many trials and tribulations that I have the power to move mountains. Me, little ole me possess a Power so great that it can no longer be contained! God is showing me that if I just TRUST THE PROCESS, I can truly do anything through GOD and so can you!
Are you a victim or a survivor? After you finish this blog series you will be able to answer, NEITHER to this question.�� Your answer will confidently be: I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!
Oftentimes after sharing my story I am asked, ���How did you make it through all of that? How come you don���t look like what you���ve been through?����� Well, you are reading the answer via this blog series as a direct result of me re-writing my story as I am living it.�� This blog series is therapeutic healing for me���its part confession, part diary, and ALL conversations with the God/Dess in me. I ask that you follow this blog series and stick with me on this journey as I share the keys I am learning to fulfillment:
Rescue the ���Little Girl Lost���
Take Responsibility
Declare Enough is Enough
Tap Into Your Inner Power
Move the Mountain
Re-Write Your Story
L.I.V.E. (Live In Victory Everyday)
Everyone has a story to tell and although not everyone is called to share their story with the world, we are all called to share it with at least one person in an effort to help someone else transition from victim through survivor to being more than a conqueror. We tell our story in so many ways…through song, poetry, art, writing, dancing, loving, walking, exercising, teaching, preaching, and evangelizing. I���m sure you get the picture���I will sum it all up by concluding that we tell our story simply by LIVING!
God has called us to spread the Gospel and guess what? That gospel is your very story. Stop keeping it to yourself. What good is it doing you? If anything, it is keeping you captive to your past. The beauty of what I am going to share with you is that you can share your story as you are re-writing it! Let God guide you on whom to share it, how to share it, but by all means, set yourself free and L.I.V.E.�� I can guarantee you a few things will begin to happen:
You will become more than a conqueror living out your purpose
You will attract others who are doing the same
You will help someone else to that same freedom and that���s a gift that keeps on giving.
We all benefit from purpose-driven, purpose-living people. I challenge you, no I dare you to read my story, experience your life changing encounter and join me in becoming More Than Conquerors! It���s not just a lifestyle, it���s a mindset!
Filed under: Life, Spiritual
March 16, 2015
“Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?” Blog Series Part 1
Have you ever thought or even uttered the phrase, “If it ain’t one thing it’s another?”Feel like every time you take one step forward, you’re knocked 2 steps back?
Does something always seem to happen that stops you from living your dreams?
Have people counted you out? More importantly, have you counted yourself out?
Have you been raped, molested, physically or verbally abused?
Have you lost a family member to murder, drunk driving or a deadly illness?
Are you battling a debilitating disease? Are you caring for someone who is sick or elderly?
Did your husband decide that he doesn’t want to be married anymore?
Maybe, you’re dealing with another type of tragedy and you are simply tired….
By now you’re probably nodding your head emphatically and/or screaming YESSSS! Well, honey I was living these thoughts too and after writing and releasing Girl, Get Empty, I identified that I was viewing my past negatively and allowing it to ruin my future when I was already over that part! I began the process of getting empty in order for God to fill me. In Girl, Get Empty I spoke about emptying being a continuous process of purging and releasing. Well, soon after releasing that book, I released my first children’s book; NyAshia’s Freedom Ride which I had put off for 10yrs. I prayed over these books, I prayed for God’s direction and I KNOW I heard Him clearly in my direction. I KNOW I saw the visions in living color and I felt them as if they were happening. So I hit the ground running, emptying myself of dreams deferred and purging myself of negative thoughts, things and even some people that were holding me back. I had no idea that a greater emptying was about to take place.
This was the intro to my follow-up book to Girl, Get Empty however, after overcoming some major obstacles I heard the God in me whisper, “Give it away” and I know that may sound strange to some of you because I just said I am living on a fixed income but I am going to follow my instructions. This will be the beginning of a Blog Series entitled, “Lord, I’m On “E”…Can I Get a Refill Fulfilled?” Please subscribe and take this journey with me! There will be a new blog entry EVERY MONDAY to give you a little Monday Motivation!
Filed under: Uncategorized
���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill…Fulfilled?��� Blog Series Part 1
Have you ever thought or even uttered the phrase, ���If it ain���t one thing it���s another?���Feel like every time you take one step forward, you���re knocked 2 steps back?
Does something always seem to happen that stops you from living your dreams?
Have people counted you out? More importantly, have you counted yourself out?
Have you been raped, molested, physically or verbally abused?
Have you lost a family member to murder, drunk driving or a deadly illness?
Are you battling a debilitating disease? Are you caring for someone who is sick or elderly?
Did your husband decide that he doesn���t want to be married anymore?
Maybe, you���re dealing with another type of tragedy and you are simply tired….
By now you���re probably nodding your head emphatically and/or screaming YESSSS! Well, honey I was living these thoughts too and after writing and releasing Girl, Get Empty, I identified that I was viewing my past negatively and allowing it to ruin my future when I was already over that part! I began the process of getting empty in order for God to fill me. In Girl, Get Empty I spoke about emptying being a continuous process of purging and releasing. Well, soon after releasing that book, I released my first children���s book; NyAshia���s Freedom Ride which I had put off for 10yrs. ��I prayed over these books, I prayed for God���s direction and I KNOW I heard Him clearly in my direction. I KNOW I saw the visions in living color and I felt them as if they were happening. So I hit the ground running, emptying myself of dreams deferred and purging myself of negative thoughts, things and even some people that were holding me back. I had no idea that a greater emptying was about to take place.
This was the intro to my follow-up book to Girl, Get Empty however, after overcoming some major obstacles I heard the God in me whisper, ���Give it away��� and I know that may sound strange to some of you because I just said I am living on a fixed income but I am going to follow my instructions. This will be the beginning of a Blog Series entitled, ���Lord, I���m On ���E������Can I Get a Refill Fulfilled?��� Please subscribe and take this journey with me! There will be a new blog entry EVERY MONDAY to give you a little Monday Motivation!
Filed under: Uncategorized
