Jen Mann's Blog, page 26

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Elf on the Shelf?

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!  Did the naughty Leprechaun visit in the night and leave cornstarch footprints or did you did you decide it was better to get up early so you could hit the local Irish pub at dawn for kegs and eggs (remember those days)?

Guess what?  I did not make a Leprechaun Trap.  Surprising, I know.  I decided to reserve my craftiness since I've been warned that I will actually have to make one in a few years as a school project!!  Are you...

Linda, Linda, Linda

Am I the only one who doesn't think this kid is cute?



This video has been making the rounds lately. The three-year-old boy in the video is usually described as "precocious" and a "tough negotiator." I don't see it. I see a little boy who wants what a lot of little kids want: a cupcake for dinner, and instead of being told why he can't have a cupcake for dinner, his mom (Linda) video tapes him on a tear to explain to her why he should get one. He interrupts her, he calls her by her first...

Interview with Nikki From Moms Who Drink and Swear

Today I'm interviewing Nikki from Moms Who Drink and Swear. Nikki is one of the funniest, craziest, silliest, and kindest people I know. She wrote an essay for the new anthology I Just Want to Be Alone. It's called "BJs, Ball Punches, and Mayonnaise." It's one you won't want to read with anything in your mouth, because you will spit it out.
I'm not a journalist by trade (shocking, I know), so I realized that interviewing someone is really hard. I decided to avoid all of the usual author...

The Man Who Called 911 About His Cat

It is indeed a sad day for humanity when a grown man must call 911 in regards to his cat. No, his cat wasn't stuck in a tree. His cat - a 22 pound Himalayan - had trapped the man, his girlfriend, his baby, and his dog in the bedroom and was behaving in a threatening manner.

Let me start from the beginning. The man and woman have a baby together. The baby yanked the cat's tail. Now, I don't know much about cats, but I do know they have nine lives, they always land on their feet, they hate...

Oil Pulling

Oil Pulling. I just threw up writing that. Do you know what oil pulling is? No? Brace yourself. So, you scoop a spoonful of coconut oil in your mouth and then you "swish" for 20 minutes if you can make it that long. Only the hardiest of the pullers can make it that long, because you're basically pulling a solid oil that starts to liquefy in the warmth of your mouth and mix with saliva through your teeth while you do things like check your email or watch the news.

Swish me. All the cool kids...

Rachel Canning

Have you heard about Rachel Canning yet? She's the spoiled suburban honor roll cheerleader who is trying to sue her parents for refusing to pay for her college tuition. Waaaah. I can just hear her whining, "But daaaaddddddy, I neeeeeed you to pay."

But Daddy doesn't want to pay, because when Rachel turned eighteen, she moved out of her parent's house and into her best friend's house.

Her parents say she decided that she didn't like their rules. Especially the one about some boyfriend they...

People Who Complain They're Busy, But They're Busy With Stupid Stuff

Does that title make sense?  I doubt it.  Let's see if I can explain.

OK, so you know those people who complain about how busy they are - but it's not with work or anything really "important"?  It's more like, "Oh gawd, I'm sooooo busy, because Eustace and Duncan and Dorset have Tae Kwon Do on Mondays, baseball practice on Tuesdays, violin and cello on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, soccer all day on Saturdays, baseball for the OTHER team they play for Wednesdays, and Kumon...

Sh*t Kids Say

I was reading the comments on my minivan confession and someone had the wonderful idea to keep track of shit kids say.  I believe the quote was "Between kids and old people, they say the funniest stuff."  I couldn't agree more!!  I bleeped the title so you can share easily with your Facebook and Twitter friends and not offend them too much.

So today I started making a list of things my own kids (Gomer and Adolpha) say.  Of course, they weren't their normal...

I Don't Think This is Funny

Have you seen this video making the rounds on Facebook?




It's a five-minute video of kids slipping and falling on a patch of ice by their school during pick up time. The video was filmed by a dad who was sitting in his car waiting for his daughter. You can hear him laughing his ass off in the background and predicting just who will "drill it" as he likes to say. At some point in the video, his daughter joins him in the car and they both have some father daughter bonding moments filming her...

I Just Want to Be Alone

I have big news, everyone! Remember last year when I put out the anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone? Have you read it yet? Yes? Great. Thank you. Did you leave a review yet? Because those things are ridiculously helpful to me and the Kick Ass Bloggers. Have you never read it? Why not? What are you waiting for? Are you new here and you've never heard of it? Well, first of all, welcome and second of all, you're going to want that book, so here's where you can get it. Plus, it's on sale, because...