Jen Mann's Blog, page 23

Gwyneth Paltrow is Hurting and It's All My Fault

You guys, I feel really bad today. Apparently, people like me (and you -- I'm not alone here) hurt Gwyneth Paltrow with our mean remarks about her. They're "dehumanizing" and make her feel just like a soldier who has gone through a terrible and bloody war.

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, read this and then you'll be up to speed.

Wow. Right?

I had no idea Gwyneth took the comments of strangers on the internet to such deep levels inside of her.


I had no idea that when I called...

Dog Pedicures

OK, so I already hate the trend right now where everyone paints shit on their nails.  Who needs stupid owls or polka dots?  When did this happen?  What's wrong with pink or a simple French manicure? Why did it have to get so fucking complicated?  Why do we feel the need to bling everything? They're fucking nails.  They help you pick your nose and dig shit out small crevices.  There is no need to make them works of art.
The human nail obsession has been driving me...

RT Booklovers Convention 2014

Last week the Hubs and I attended the RT Booklovers Convention in New Orleans. I found this conference last summer when it was in Kansas City. I was able to attend one day and I sat in on several panels that all impressed me. The one that made the biggest impact on me was a group of YA authors that included Veronica Roth, Kami Garcia, and Melissa Marr. I was so impressed because they were so supportive of one other. I was also thrilled, because they were incredibly generous with their writing...

The Verruckt

As you know, I live in Kansas and we don't usually have much to brag about. We've got Dorothy and Toto and that's about it. However, over the last year or so we've been all aflutter about the fact that Schlitterbahn is building the world's tallest waterslide here: the Verruckt.

Photo: MidwestIinfoGuide

It isn't close to my house, but I have seen it a few times. Over the last year I've watched the structure go higher and higher up in the sky. We'd drive by and my kids would ooh and ahh and beg...

My New Cover is Here!!!

You guys! I am grinning from ear to ear like an idiot, because today I get to share something really special with you: the cover for my BRAND NEW BOOK!!!



That's right, mark your calendars, folks, because People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges is coming!

I am so excited for and proud of this book! I've been working on it with my editor at Random House for a year now! It feels like forever, but it's finally here. Yaaaaaaay....

F*ck Yeah!

Look what I saw on the news this morning! The British did a research project about swearing. The guy in charge got the genius idea when he witnessed his wife cussing up a storm during labor and wondered if maybe it was a release and helped her endure more pain. Ya think? He didn't need to waste so much time and energy researching that. A simple phone call to me could have told him what he needed to know: I curse because I have the feels (because I'm surrounded by idiots and...

Idiots on Message Boards

OK, so I get a lot of traffic from smart people on message boards.  People who post things like:  "Funniest blog evah - check it out biotches" or "This is hilarious - MUST read."

I see these message boards pop up in my stats and of course I have to trot over there and see who thinks I'm hysterical.  Mixed in with the lovers is the occasional bitchy individual who has to say something like, "Not very funny IMO." or "She's so whiny and she swears too much.  VERY conceited."...

How Best to Control Your Kids

Guest post from the Hubs AKA "The Law" about his "Forceful" parenting style.

Lots of parents wonder why my kids are so well behaved and get 100's on their spelling tests.  Well, I thought I share my secrets to raising great kids.  I have seen those other asshat parents all over the media about how to control their kids.  Tiger mom, Wolf dad and the new entry Pistol Packing Papa.  They go to such extremes to control their kids.  In reality, it is not so hard to...

Gomer's Happy Mother's Day Post

Gomer  has decided he'd like to guest post today.  Here is an (unedited) "vertical poem" he wrote for me for Mother's Day:



My Mom is very sweet.

Offten you are nice.

Tulips smell good but you smell better.

Happy Mother's Day.

Either I am good or bad you still love me.

Rainbows are pretty but you are more prettier.



Someday I will blackmail him with this.

Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there.

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Nothing is NOT Acceptable

Last week I was trying to think of a Mother's Day present for my mom. I'm 41 years old now and a macaroni necklace just doesn't have the same impact it used to 35 years ago. I felt like every gift I was thinking of was a crappy gift, so I asked my readers on Facebook to tell me the worst Mother's Day gift they ever received just to make sure those weren't the ones I was considering. I got the usual responses of Dustbusters, brooms, step stools, tools, and irons. However, as I scrolled through...