David McMullen-Sullivan's Blog, page 9
December 6, 2018
Clean, Clear Sentences
It's easy as a writer to be verbose. While surfing through the web site nybookeditors.com about line editors, I came across a helpful example of why it's important to write simple, clear sentences.
Original passage:
She reluctantly handed over her purse, and nervously waited to have it placed back in to her hands. She felt a rush of relief as the Security Guard finished his search after 30 seconds and handed it back to her.
Cleaner Version:
She was reluctant to hand over her purse, and felt a rush of relief as the security guard finished his search and placed it back into her hands thirty seconds later.
Original passage:
She reluctantly handed over her purse, and nervously waited to have it placed back in to her hands. She felt a rush of relief as the Security Guard finished his search after 30 seconds and handed it back to her.
Cleaner Version:
She was reluctant to hand over her purse, and felt a rush of relief as the security guard finished his search and placed it back into her hands thirty seconds later.
November 24, 2018
Show Don't Tell
"Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."
― Anton Chekhov
― Anton Chekhov
November 21, 2018
Wrecking the Sequel
Most sequels aren't as good as the original movie that spawned them. But, how come? I have wondered about this disparity many times before, and I think Ralph Breaks the Internet can give us some clues as to why.
The original movie always gets to start off with a blank slate. That's a decidedly unfair advantage that sequels have to deal with.
Case in point. In Wreck-It Ralph our two protagonists (Ralph and Vanellope) are not yet friends. Their relationship starts out with a lot of conflict which adds interest to the plot. In the sequel, that conflict is already resolved because they are, at that point, bosom buddies.
The first film also had a better inciting incident, and also came with a villain who is kind at first but is revealed to be a devilish fiend after some mysteries of his origins are exposed.
Ralph Breaks the Internet doesn't have an antagonist at all because insecurities don't make for a good villain, just compulsive hand washing.
There's nothing in the second movie that has you wanting to "turn the page" as you would a good book. There are no mysteries or questions, nothing to really have you wondering what's going to happen next. Indeed, there are no stakes in this movie. If they fail at their endeavor, nothing terribly bad will happen. Vanellope will just have to bunk with Ralph and watch soap operas all day long until he gets off work.
This sequel isn't bad. It just isn't as great as its predecessor, but that's the case for a lot of sequels. So, Ralph Breaks the Internet is in good company at least.
The original movie always gets to start off with a blank slate. That's a decidedly unfair advantage that sequels have to deal with.
Case in point. In Wreck-It Ralph our two protagonists (Ralph and Vanellope) are not yet friends. Their relationship starts out with a lot of conflict which adds interest to the plot. In the sequel, that conflict is already resolved because they are, at that point, bosom buddies.
The first film also had a better inciting incident, and also came with a villain who is kind at first but is revealed to be a devilish fiend after some mysteries of his origins are exposed.
Ralph Breaks the Internet doesn't have an antagonist at all because insecurities don't make for a good villain, just compulsive hand washing.
There's nothing in the second movie that has you wanting to "turn the page" as you would a good book. There are no mysteries or questions, nothing to really have you wondering what's going to happen next. Indeed, there are no stakes in this movie. If they fail at their endeavor, nothing terribly bad will happen. Vanellope will just have to bunk with Ralph and watch soap operas all day long until he gets off work.
This sequel isn't bad. It just isn't as great as its predecessor, but that's the case for a lot of sequels. So, Ralph Breaks the Internet is in good company at least.
November 16, 2018
The Horror of Romance
I have a lot of eclectic interests. So, I'm assuming I'm going to be an eclectic author. Just recently, I finished the last book in my YA horror series, but I'm not out to be a horror writer (which is why I'm going to jump genres).
Now, if you're like me, your creative juices run the gambit. That's why I've chosen my next book to be an 18th century romance novel. Don't get me wrong, there's murder, the promiscuity of innocence and a bad ass woman who beats up a lot of guys, but the central story surrounds an unorthodox love, one so strong you'd think these people were super glued together in a chemical accident.
I'm out to be as accurate as I can to the times; therefore, I'm trying to get a feel for the lexicon, reading books written from the era. This research, I hope, will enable me to write a narrative like:
The fondness of their attachment grew out the happiness that the other's society bestowed.
At the same time, I'll need to weave into the story how a mysterious serial killer is terrorizing the town. Something to the effect of:
His eyes were wild with madness as his long fingers closed around her fragile, bird-like neck. She looked up into them as he bared down on her with his strength. The evil in those orbs moistened with tears, a salivation at the sight of her soft, pink skin turning a muddy hue of blue. She went limp, and the young, innocent chameleon collapsed to the floor.
So, that's all well and good, but given that my first series was geared for young adults, I'm beginning to think (for various reasons) that I should write this book under a pseudonym. My writing may cross the tracks, but I don't think many of my readers will.
The project is just getting started for me, but chapter one is already done. And, on the upside, I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore. So it should be fun.
Now, if you're like me, your creative juices run the gambit. That's why I've chosen my next book to be an 18th century romance novel. Don't get me wrong, there's murder, the promiscuity of innocence and a bad ass woman who beats up a lot of guys, but the central story surrounds an unorthodox love, one so strong you'd think these people were super glued together in a chemical accident.
I'm out to be as accurate as I can to the times; therefore, I'm trying to get a feel for the lexicon, reading books written from the era. This research, I hope, will enable me to write a narrative like:
The fondness of their attachment grew out the happiness that the other's society bestowed.
At the same time, I'll need to weave into the story how a mysterious serial killer is terrorizing the town. Something to the effect of:
His eyes were wild with madness as his long fingers closed around her fragile, bird-like neck. She looked up into them as he bared down on her with his strength. The evil in those orbs moistened with tears, a salivation at the sight of her soft, pink skin turning a muddy hue of blue. She went limp, and the young, innocent chameleon collapsed to the floor.
So, that's all well and good, but given that my first series was geared for young adults, I'm beginning to think (for various reasons) that I should write this book under a pseudonym. My writing may cross the tracks, but I don't think many of my readers will.
The project is just getting started for me, but chapter one is already done. And, on the upside, I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore. So it should be fun.
November 10, 2018
Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Nachos
When the movie Kill Bill came out, I was sitting in the theater watching it with my spouse. The film has a part in it where Uma Thurman is slaughtering the Crazy 88 in the House of the Blue Leaves. My God. The scene is a total blood bath, and at that point, I turned to my husband and whispered in his ear: "This is a delightful film."
I was loving it!
The new Netflix's series Insatiable has had me saying the same thing.
The series is about a young, high school girl, Patty Bladell. She's a teenager who has been bullied, by classmates, all her life for being overweight. Everyone in school calls her Fatty Patty.
But the planets align for our little Fatty Patty. After getting punched in the face, she has her mouth wired shut and looses a lot of weight. Now Patty is skinny, hot and ready for revenge on the whole school.
How will she get her retribution? How else, beauty pageants.
When Patty meets the man who will be her coach, Bob Armstrong, things really take off. This dark comedy-drama is viciously hilarious and well worth a binge session.
Come for the cattiness, stay for the revenge. It might be empty calories, but they taste so good.
I was loving it!
The new Netflix's series Insatiable has had me saying the same thing.
The series is about a young, high school girl, Patty Bladell. She's a teenager who has been bullied, by classmates, all her life for being overweight. Everyone in school calls her Fatty Patty.
But the planets align for our little Fatty Patty. After getting punched in the face, she has her mouth wired shut and looses a lot of weight. Now Patty is skinny, hot and ready for revenge on the whole school.
How will she get her retribution? How else, beauty pageants.
When Patty meets the man who will be her coach, Bob Armstrong, things really take off. This dark comedy-drama is viciously hilarious and well worth a binge session.
Come for the cattiness, stay for the revenge. It might be empty calories, but they taste so good.
November 4, 2018
A Gringo's Mexican Holiday
I'm a white guy, but not your average one (if I do say so myself). I love languages and can, besides my mother tongue, converse in Spanish and Italian. I also love other cultures. That's the main reason I love to travel so much. Plus, in my opinion, if you live your whole life in your own comfort zone, you'll come to the end of it with regrets. A life unchallenged is a life not fully lived.
Now, it's boring to read someone going on about themselves. Frankly, I just wrote the above paragraph, and I'm already bored. But, I just give you this preamble so you'll understand what I'm about to say next.
Last year, my spouse and I saw the movie Coco. I even blogged about it at the time. The movie celebrates a Mexican holiday called Dia de los Muertos. I always thought that it was the equivalent of Mexico's Halloween. Boy was I wrong.
The holiday is a celebration of one's ancestors, a remembrance of all the family that has come before us. Those that celebrate it put up ofrendas which are colorful altars that hold pictures of deceased family members, their favorite food in life, flowers and sugar skulls.
If you've seen Coco you know what an amazing holiday this is. We certainly thought so when we saw the movie, and I came out of the theater saying that I'd love to celebrate it too. So, this year we did.
For the first time in my life I put up my own ofrenda. I had my grandparents around me, and I took time to remember the time I spent with them in life. It was wonderful.
Sadly, American culture doesn't tend to honor our ancestors. We live in a society obsessed with youth and vitality. That's kind of shallow and misguided. Remembering where you came from is to reconnect with your roots. It plunges you back into the wellspring from which you sprang. I encourage everyone to take the spirit of Dia de los Muertos to heart and take time to look back (and blow kisses to your loved ones who are watching you from Heaven).
Now, it's boring to read someone going on about themselves. Frankly, I just wrote the above paragraph, and I'm already bored. But, I just give you this preamble so you'll understand what I'm about to say next.
Last year, my spouse and I saw the movie Coco. I even blogged about it at the time. The movie celebrates a Mexican holiday called Dia de los Muertos. I always thought that it was the equivalent of Mexico's Halloween. Boy was I wrong.
The holiday is a celebration of one's ancestors, a remembrance of all the family that has come before us. Those that celebrate it put up ofrendas which are colorful altars that hold pictures of deceased family members, their favorite food in life, flowers and sugar skulls.
If you've seen Coco you know what an amazing holiday this is. We certainly thought so when we saw the movie, and I came out of the theater saying that I'd love to celebrate it too. So, this year we did.
For the first time in my life I put up my own ofrenda. I had my grandparents around me, and I took time to remember the time I spent with them in life. It was wonderful.
Sadly, American culture doesn't tend to honor our ancestors. We live in a society obsessed with youth and vitality. That's kind of shallow and misguided. Remembering where you came from is to reconnect with your roots. It plunges you back into the wellspring from which you sprang. I encourage everyone to take the spirit of Dia de los Muertos to heart and take time to look back (and blow kisses to your loved ones who are watching you from Heaven).
November 1, 2018
The Comedy of Disgusting
Sometimes, things that are gross are also very funny. This particular formula is the cornerstone of the Netflix's movie The Package.
The film follows five teenagers as they go on a camping trip that goes so wrong that a fireside chat with Bigfoot would have been a better outcome.
I won't spoil it by saying what the "wrong" thing entails, but it sets up a domino effect that is revolting and hilarious all at the same time.
You're sure to watch some of the scenes through your fingers and be begging the writers not to go there (but they do).
If you have a strong stomach and love gross humor, this movie is for you. If you don't, click passed it as quickly as you can. Don't even watch the trailer, or you'll quickly realize what "the package" is that makes this movie so hysterically funny.
The film follows five teenagers as they go on a camping trip that goes so wrong that a fireside chat with Bigfoot would have been a better outcome.
I won't spoil it by saying what the "wrong" thing entails, but it sets up a domino effect that is revolting and hilarious all at the same time.
You're sure to watch some of the scenes through your fingers and be begging the writers not to go there (but they do).
If you have a strong stomach and love gross humor, this movie is for you. If you don't, click passed it as quickly as you can. Don't even watch the trailer, or you'll quickly realize what "the package" is that makes this movie so hysterically funny.
October 21, 2018
The Importance of Proportions
If you're a bad baker, perhaps you've discovered the difference between a tablespoon and a teaspoon (especially when it comes to measuring out baking soda).
Talk about a cake bomb.
My point is that measurements are important. Of course, I'll bet you already knew that.
Now take this concept into drawing people. In the case of this art, proportions are the key thing here. We are symmetrical beings, so - unless you're a cyclops - you've got two of most things. That's why proportions are so important.
I am not gifted with this talent, but, I've been thinking of story boarding some of my books and setting them to narration. So, I sat down to draw out my characters. My protagonists came out looking like Nosferatu, which wasn't the look I was going for. I've been practicing with only minor improvement, but what helped me to hone a modicum of proficiency was that I finally got how important proportions are.
So, if you draw with the skill of a 3 year old like I do, and you'd like to be better, take some time to watch a YouTube video on proportions. It'll really up your game.
Talk about a cake bomb.
My point is that measurements are important. Of course, I'll bet you already knew that.
Now take this concept into drawing people. In the case of this art, proportions are the key thing here. We are symmetrical beings, so - unless you're a cyclops - you've got two of most things. That's why proportions are so important.
I am not gifted with this talent, but, I've been thinking of story boarding some of my books and setting them to narration. So, I sat down to draw out my characters. My protagonists came out looking like Nosferatu, which wasn't the look I was going for. I've been practicing with only minor improvement, but what helped me to hone a modicum of proficiency was that I finally got how important proportions are.
So, if you draw with the skill of a 3 year old like I do, and you'd like to be better, take some time to watch a YouTube video on proportions. It'll really up your game.
October 14, 2018
What Did Adam Ruin for You?
truTV's Adam Ruins Everything is a show involving myth-busting. The show's host, Adam Conover, goes around disproving commonly excepted ideas (and making you feel like an idiot in the process).
I find the show enjoyable and am more than happy to have my misconceptions wiped out because I actually like facts. But, I've come to realize that everyone who watches the show probably has at least one thing Adam has ruined for them. For me it's salmon.
See. Come to find out, there's a HUGE fish scam going on in the restaurants across this country. The fish you think you're getting might not be what's served up to you on that bed of rice pilaf, but that's the least of my seafood problem Adam has caused for me.
Salmon is one of my favorite fish. I used to order it all the time - until Adam. Look on any restaurant menu and you'll see "Atlantic Salmon", which doesn't even exist. It's not a real thing. Turns out that "Atlantic Salmon" is a fancy name for farm raised salmon. This farmed raised version has grey colored meat because they feed it disgusting stuff. If you were to see this fish on your plate, you'd throw up. Trust me on this. So, the producers dye the meat pink. Viola! Problem solved and consumer fooled.
So, now I can't order salmon anymore because most salmon on the menu is this Clariol Nice 'N Easy kind.
I used to eat in blissful ignorance. But Adam had to go and ruin it for me. He really does ruin everything. Thanks Adam!
And by the way Adam, you're off my Christmas card list. So there!
I find the show enjoyable and am more than happy to have my misconceptions wiped out because I actually like facts. But, I've come to realize that everyone who watches the show probably has at least one thing Adam has ruined for them. For me it's salmon.
See. Come to find out, there's a HUGE fish scam going on in the restaurants across this country. The fish you think you're getting might not be what's served up to you on that bed of rice pilaf, but that's the least of my seafood problem Adam has caused for me.
Salmon is one of my favorite fish. I used to order it all the time - until Adam. Look on any restaurant menu and you'll see "Atlantic Salmon", which doesn't even exist. It's not a real thing. Turns out that "Atlantic Salmon" is a fancy name for farm raised salmon. This farmed raised version has grey colored meat because they feed it disgusting stuff. If you were to see this fish on your plate, you'd throw up. Trust me on this. So, the producers dye the meat pink. Viola! Problem solved and consumer fooled.
So, now I can't order salmon anymore because most salmon on the menu is this Clariol Nice 'N Easy kind.
I used to eat in blissful ignorance. But Adam had to go and ruin it for me. He really does ruin everything. Thanks Adam!
And by the way Adam, you're off my Christmas card list. So there!
October 10, 2018
Word Confusion
There are a lot of word pairs that people get confused on. I know I do. The other day, I saw the word “attain” used when the writer obviously meant to use “obtain”.
In the pursuit of proper English, here are the definitions of both words:
Obtain - to get, acquire, or secure (something)
Attain - to achieve, accomplish, or succeed in reaching a goal
So, just keep this in mind. You can’t acquire a goal and put it in your pocket, and you also can’t achieve your keys off the kitchen counter. See. Easy.
In the pursuit of proper English, here are the definitions of both words:
Obtain - to get, acquire, or secure (something)
Attain - to achieve, accomplish, or succeed in reaching a goal
So, just keep this in mind. You can’t acquire a goal and put it in your pocket, and you also can’t achieve your keys off the kitchen counter. See. Easy.
