David McMullen-Sullivan's Blog, page 12
May 13, 2018
Cannabilism Comedy
It's tough being a zombie in southern California. What with urban sprawl and being a good neighbor, where do the undead find time to eat people?
In Netflix's Santa Clarita Diet, these are some of the many hurtles that Drew Barrymore's character, Sheila Hammond, has to sprint passed while finding her next meal. Which isn't easy considering her special dietary needs. It's not like she can do McDonald's drive-thru.
Sheila is married to Joel (Timothy Olyphant), and it's a good thing too. Murdering people is exhausting. It helps to have a kind and caring spouse to help hold the victim down as you rip out their throat. Sweet, sweet Joel.
Their daughter Abby (Liv Hewson) might have been on track for a normal life, but that's blown out of the water when the series opens, and her mother turns up dead (and − strangely − not dead).
The therapy bill is gonna be so huge. The Hammonds may have to take out a second mortgage on their home so the therapist can get therapy.
But, they really are striving to be a normal family. Indeed, Joel and Sheila stress over this a lot. Each time they make a kill, they have to go through a laundry list of their better traits because, after all, they're really good people.
Now, murdering the city's residents kind of gets noticed by the police after a while, and that tends to complicate things for the Hammond family. The show's plot runs an obstacle course with the law, Abby's school and nosy neighbors. But, we laugh all the way to the kill room.
One of the things I love about this series isn't just the deadpan comedy (which is hilarious), it's the fact that nothing goes the way you think it will. The writers painstakingly keep the episodes unpredictable, and the extra effort pays off like a loose slot machine in Vegas. Santa Clarita Diet is a must watch TV show.
The cast is great. The comedic delivery is spot-on, especially by Abby's friend Eric, played by Skyler Gisondo.
Seasons 1 and 2 are out there now. But try to view them slowly. Resist the urge to binge watch because you'll be hooked - and season 3 won't be around until 2019 (which is just killing me).
In Netflix's Santa Clarita Diet, these are some of the many hurtles that Drew Barrymore's character, Sheila Hammond, has to sprint passed while finding her next meal. Which isn't easy considering her special dietary needs. It's not like she can do McDonald's drive-thru.
Sheila is married to Joel (Timothy Olyphant), and it's a good thing too. Murdering people is exhausting. It helps to have a kind and caring spouse to help hold the victim down as you rip out their throat. Sweet, sweet Joel.
Their daughter Abby (Liv Hewson) might have been on track for a normal life, but that's blown out of the water when the series opens, and her mother turns up dead (and − strangely − not dead).
The therapy bill is gonna be so huge. The Hammonds may have to take out a second mortgage on their home so the therapist can get therapy.
But, they really are striving to be a normal family. Indeed, Joel and Sheila stress over this a lot. Each time they make a kill, they have to go through a laundry list of their better traits because, after all, they're really good people.
Now, murdering the city's residents kind of gets noticed by the police after a while, and that tends to complicate things for the Hammond family. The show's plot runs an obstacle course with the law, Abby's school and nosy neighbors. But, we laugh all the way to the kill room.
One of the things I love about this series isn't just the deadpan comedy (which is hilarious), it's the fact that nothing goes the way you think it will. The writers painstakingly keep the episodes unpredictable, and the extra effort pays off like a loose slot machine in Vegas. Santa Clarita Diet is a must watch TV show.
The cast is great. The comedic delivery is spot-on, especially by Abby's friend Eric, played by Skyler Gisondo.
Seasons 1 and 2 are out there now. But try to view them slowly. Resist the urge to binge watch because you'll be hooked - and season 3 won't be around until 2019 (which is just killing me).
May 11, 2018
The Kids are Alright
If you're faint of heart, stop reading this blog post and switch immediately to watching kitty cat videos.
If you're not, and you have a teenage daughter, I want to tell you something you may not be aware of.
Someday, she's going to have sex.
This fact seems to be the central point to the movie Blockers. It's not something the parents of the film's three teenage girls are happy about. They would prefer their daughters be like Barbie down there.
All this frankness is ironic coming from me. I'm, admittedly, something of a prude in these matters. Kids should wait until they have the emotional maturity for the act. Heaven knows they mature physically way too fast. Their psyches can't keep up, and they're left unequipped for the rejection, betrayal and sexual politics that being an adult helps you handle. And some times, not even then.
But my problem with this movie isn't that teenage girls want to have sex. Of course they do. No, my problem is the parents.
When did they get so damn annoying?
Helicopter parents are bad enough, but trying to control every aspect of your child's life is practically pathological.
These parents, Lisa, Mitchell and Hunter (played by Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz) freak out when they discover that their daughters all plan to lose their virginity at prom.
(Here's where the teenage boys spike the bunch bowl and hoop and holler about getting this party started - but in this case, it's the girls)
With the premise established, the trio goes on a quest to block - well, you know what they're trying to block. The comedy is very funny at times, but sporadic at best.
In between the laughs, you just want to choke these three. They are whiny, suffocating and spend way too much time worried about the girls' hymenal integrity.
Somebody needed to call child protective services at the 60 minute mark.
The premise of this movie is weak, and perhaps that's its major flaw. It's only worth a few laughs. So, just know what you're getting into before you go see it.
If you're not, and you have a teenage daughter, I want to tell you something you may not be aware of.
Someday, she's going to have sex.
This fact seems to be the central point to the movie Blockers. It's not something the parents of the film's three teenage girls are happy about. They would prefer their daughters be like Barbie down there.
All this frankness is ironic coming from me. I'm, admittedly, something of a prude in these matters. Kids should wait until they have the emotional maturity for the act. Heaven knows they mature physically way too fast. Their psyches can't keep up, and they're left unequipped for the rejection, betrayal and sexual politics that being an adult helps you handle. And some times, not even then.
But my problem with this movie isn't that teenage girls want to have sex. Of course they do. No, my problem is the parents.
When did they get so damn annoying?
Helicopter parents are bad enough, but trying to control every aspect of your child's life is practically pathological.
These parents, Lisa, Mitchell and Hunter (played by Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz) freak out when they discover that their daughters all plan to lose their virginity at prom.
(Here's where the teenage boys spike the bunch bowl and hoop and holler about getting this party started - but in this case, it's the girls)
With the premise established, the trio goes on a quest to block - well, you know what they're trying to block. The comedy is very funny at times, but sporadic at best.
In between the laughs, you just want to choke these three. They are whiny, suffocating and spend way too much time worried about the girls' hymenal integrity.
Somebody needed to call child protective services at the 60 minute mark.
The premise of this movie is weak, and perhaps that's its major flaw. It's only worth a few laughs. So, just know what you're getting into before you go see it.
May 8, 2018
Rock Trivia
Question: What famous British singer/songwriter was born Farrokh Bulsara in Stone Town, Tanzania and moved to Middlesex, England as a teenager?
Answer: Freddy Mercury
Answer: Freddy Mercury
May 5, 2018
Death by Selfie
A man in India this week decided to take a selfie with a wounded bear. Naturally, the animal mauled him to death.
Disturbing, I know. But equally disturbing is the fact that people, for some reason, don't seem to appreciate that if you give nature some space, it won't try to kill you.
I hadn't realized how many people die taking selfie nowadays. In 2015, as a recent example, more people died from taking selfies than from shark attacks.
Truthfully, there needs to be a kind of Darwin Award for this type of thing.
A few potential award winners:
A 21-year-old man was drinking with friends and took a selfie to post on Facebook. He posed with a gun pointed at his face. The man accidentally shot himself, and he was declared dead at the scene.
Two Russian soldiers in the Urals region west of Siberia were posing for a selfie with a live grenade. The handheld explosive detonated unexpectedly and went off in their faces.
A hiker was struck by lightning while trekking through a national park in Wales. The fatal bolt was suspected to have hit the extended metal rod of a selfie stick and electrocuted the young man.
A Polish couple climbed over the safety barrier and fell to their deaths while taking a selfie on a cliff in Cabo da Roca, Portugal. Once they took a step backwards to angle their shot, they tumbled off of the edge and into the perilous Atlantic Ocean below.
Well, at least they got a killer shot.
Disturbing, I know. But equally disturbing is the fact that people, for some reason, don't seem to appreciate that if you give nature some space, it won't try to kill you.
I hadn't realized how many people die taking selfie nowadays. In 2015, as a recent example, more people died from taking selfies than from shark attacks.
Truthfully, there needs to be a kind of Darwin Award for this type of thing.
A few potential award winners:
A 21-year-old man was drinking with friends and took a selfie to post on Facebook. He posed with a gun pointed at his face. The man accidentally shot himself, and he was declared dead at the scene.
Two Russian soldiers in the Urals region west of Siberia were posing for a selfie with a live grenade. The handheld explosive detonated unexpectedly and went off in their faces.
A hiker was struck by lightning while trekking through a national park in Wales. The fatal bolt was suspected to have hit the extended metal rod of a selfie stick and electrocuted the young man.
A Polish couple climbed over the safety barrier and fell to their deaths while taking a selfie on a cliff in Cabo da Roca, Portugal. Once they took a step backwards to angle their shot, they tumbled off of the edge and into the perilous Atlantic Ocean below.
Well, at least they got a killer shot.
April 29, 2018
Cheese Nation
I may lose my American citizenship with the following admission: I hate cheese.
For those of you who love the stuff, let me enlighten you on what it means to be someone like me.
First off, there's no way you're ever going to be able to order a hamburger without hearing these six words: Do you want cheese with that?
I have grown up with it. I think I've heard it said more in my lifetime than the Star Spangled Banner or the Lord's Prayer. It's so ubiquitous in fast food restaurants that I have literally stressed the word "only" in my order.
It goes something like this:
Me: I'd like a regular hamburger with mayonnaise, ketchup and lettuce only. Nothing else.
Cashier: Do you want cheese with that?
You laugh, but I am NOT kidding.
Indeed, I doubt most of you could walk down any aisle in the grocery store without finding some semblance of a cheese product.
Don't believe me? Go down the soda and potato chip aisle, and Blammo! What do you see? Cheese coke. Ok. Maybe not cheese coke, but I'm sure they're coming out with it this year. All they need to do is add caramel coloring to cheese wiz.
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to walk down the household goods aisle and find cheese-scented laundry detergent.
Do you like pizza? Well, now you can smell like it ALL the time. By God, your date is gonna know where you're taking her to dinner before you do.
Now, I'm not really here to bash cheese. Heck, I hate the stuff, but that doesn't mean I avoid Wisconsin. No, I'm just asking if I could order a Big Mac − one day − and not have to fake lactose intolerance just to get my order right.
Is that too much to ask?
For those of you who love the stuff, let me enlighten you on what it means to be someone like me.
First off, there's no way you're ever going to be able to order a hamburger without hearing these six words: Do you want cheese with that?
I have grown up with it. I think I've heard it said more in my lifetime than the Star Spangled Banner or the Lord's Prayer. It's so ubiquitous in fast food restaurants that I have literally stressed the word "only" in my order.
It goes something like this:
Me: I'd like a regular hamburger with mayonnaise, ketchup and lettuce only. Nothing else.
Cashier: Do you want cheese with that?
You laugh, but I am NOT kidding.
Indeed, I doubt most of you could walk down any aisle in the grocery store without finding some semblance of a cheese product.
Don't believe me? Go down the soda and potato chip aisle, and Blammo! What do you see? Cheese coke. Ok. Maybe not cheese coke, but I'm sure they're coming out with it this year. All they need to do is add caramel coloring to cheese wiz.
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to walk down the household goods aisle and find cheese-scented laundry detergent.
Do you like pizza? Well, now you can smell like it ALL the time. By God, your date is gonna know where you're taking her to dinner before you do.
Now, I'm not really here to bash cheese. Heck, I hate the stuff, but that doesn't mean I avoid Wisconsin. No, I'm just asking if I could order a Big Mac − one day − and not have to fake lactose intolerance just to get my order right.
Is that too much to ask?
April 16, 2018
Lost in Space: the Reboot
I may be jumping the gun on this, but after seeing the first episode of Lost in Space, I’m thinking I want to be rescued from this series.
I grew up watching reruns of the original show, and although its later seasons got very campy, the space drama rose to the ranks of classic TV for its time. Netflix’s reboot of the modern version of the Swiss Family Robinson isn’t even on the radar.
No wonder they’re lost.
I appreciate the attempt; however, this mimic is lacking some essential ingredients of its ground-breaking predecessor. For starters, the Robinsons were a tight-knit clan. They had to be to survive everything the galaxy threw at them. Netflix’s doppelgangers are dysfunctional from the get-go. In the first five minutes, the family is about to die, and the eldest daughter gives her father shade, refusing to take his hand. But, good to know teenagers are moody no matter what solar system they're in.
And don’t get me started on Will Robinson.
In the original version, Will was smart and courageous. Who didn’t love him. He was everything a radioactive Bog monster could want in a son-in-law. But the new Will is average and neurotic. He goes around obsessed with not being good enough.
Billy Mummy would have slapped him.
All of this I could overlook if it weren’t for the episode’s structure and pacing. It’s never a good idea to throw the protagonists into mortal danger when we don’t care for them yet or even understand what their goals are. I wasn’t even emotionally involved yet, and there the showrunners were dangling an icy grave for Judy in my face. Really, if she had died, that would have made for a more interesting pilot episode. Then they could have put her brain in the robot so the rest of the season she can tell her brother to do his homework thru a voice box.
Reboots are tricky. I can’t think of many that have really matched the success of what they sought to imitate. Maybe, don’t change the recipe too much. It makes fans angry and takes away from the fun.
I grew up watching reruns of the original show, and although its later seasons got very campy, the space drama rose to the ranks of classic TV for its time. Netflix’s reboot of the modern version of the Swiss Family Robinson isn’t even on the radar.
No wonder they’re lost.
I appreciate the attempt; however, this mimic is lacking some essential ingredients of its ground-breaking predecessor. For starters, the Robinsons were a tight-knit clan. They had to be to survive everything the galaxy threw at them. Netflix’s doppelgangers are dysfunctional from the get-go. In the first five minutes, the family is about to die, and the eldest daughter gives her father shade, refusing to take his hand. But, good to know teenagers are moody no matter what solar system they're in.
And don’t get me started on Will Robinson.
In the original version, Will was smart and courageous. Who didn’t love him. He was everything a radioactive Bog monster could want in a son-in-law. But the new Will is average and neurotic. He goes around obsessed with not being good enough.
Billy Mummy would have slapped him.
All of this I could overlook if it weren’t for the episode’s structure and pacing. It’s never a good idea to throw the protagonists into mortal danger when we don’t care for them yet or even understand what their goals are. I wasn’t even emotionally involved yet, and there the showrunners were dangling an icy grave for Judy in my face. Really, if she had died, that would have made for a more interesting pilot episode. Then they could have put her brain in the robot so the rest of the season she can tell her brother to do his homework thru a voice box.
Reboots are tricky. I can’t think of many that have really matched the success of what they sought to imitate. Maybe, don’t change the recipe too much. It makes fans angry and takes away from the fun.
April 10, 2018
The Look of a Man
"He looks like Teddy Roosevelt went fishing, but don't tell him I told you that."
― Man at Home Depot (directing me to his co-worker)
― Man at Home Depot (directing me to his co-worker)
The Wisdom of Aristotle
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
― Aristotle
― Aristotle
April 2, 2018
Making the Write Choice
Many people who think about dipping their toes into writing ask themselves one of two questions: should I be a writer? and am I good enough?.
If you've ever posed one of these queries to yourself, the answer is the same for each. No.
That sounds rough, so let me explain why my answer is the right one.
The reason the answer is 'no' is because you had to ask. If you want to be a writer, you should do it because you have to. For you, there's no other choice. You have to write just like you have to breath. You don't do it for fame or fortune. You do it because there surges within you a ceaseless drive to put words to paper and tell a story.
For those who don't hedge this way, the answer to these two questions is different.
Should you be a writer? Yes. But let's be clear. Writing may never be your fulltime job, but you are writing. So, don't stop.
Are you good enough to be a writer? No one should care, and neither should you. If you're moved to write then the writing itself is its own reward. Being read is pure Heaven, and if you one day do get published - priceless.
To all you writers out there, stop doubting yourself. Dive into your craft. Read, write, learn. Heck, attend some classes at a community college. But never doubt that you are meant to be doing exactly what you are.
Feel worthy. Feel good enough, and let people know - you're a writer.
If you've ever posed one of these queries to yourself, the answer is the same for each. No.
That sounds rough, so let me explain why my answer is the right one.
The reason the answer is 'no' is because you had to ask. If you want to be a writer, you should do it because you have to. For you, there's no other choice. You have to write just like you have to breath. You don't do it for fame or fortune. You do it because there surges within you a ceaseless drive to put words to paper and tell a story.
For those who don't hedge this way, the answer to these two questions is different.
Should you be a writer? Yes. But let's be clear. Writing may never be your fulltime job, but you are writing. So, don't stop.
Are you good enough to be a writer? No one should care, and neither should you. If you're moved to write then the writing itself is its own reward. Being read is pure Heaven, and if you one day do get published - priceless.
To all you writers out there, stop doubting yourself. Dive into your craft. Read, write, learn. Heck, attend some classes at a community college. But never doubt that you are meant to be doing exactly what you are.
Feel worthy. Feel good enough, and let people know - you're a writer.
March 16, 2018
Love Simon, Actually
The latter teenage years are a pivotably point in a young life that is full of discovery. One of those key experiences is falling in love. Prior to this point, an adolescent might have experienced “puppy love”, but now their heart is taking on deeper depths. For the first time, they are beginning to love, and be loved, with the kind of seriousness that goes beyond enamoration.
Is it any wonder that this time period is when most people experience their first serious relationship.
But not everybody gets to have that coming-of-age experience. For people in a sexual minority, such an amazing human milestone isn’t even an option for them. Although this is less and less true, the fact is that it is only recently that a young man or woman in high school could openly express their affection for another of their gender (much less date).
I’m grateful that that partition is beginning to come down. It stood as an impenetrable, intimidating barrier during my high school years. Falling in love, out in the open, wasn’t even an option for me. So, it is nice to see that Love, Simon has taken a few blows at Love's version of the Berlin Wall.
The film stars Nick Robinson as Simon Spier, a gay, closeted young man who – just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – wants the fairy tale. He sees all his other classmates falling in love, but not him. His desire to have that special person in his life is ignited when he reads an anonymous gay confession on the school’s blog.
As Shakespeare wrote: the course of true love never did run smooth, and for Simon, it’s even more rocky. But in the struggle, he finds himself. He discovers what it means to be fully human, and along the way becomes a better man.
The story has a refreshing vein of honesty and lovableness in its one hour and forty-nine minute runtime. It’s an entertaining film that will give every moviegoer a tearful, warm fuzzy.
The triumph of love really celebrates all our loves. Have yours heralded by going to see this film, and enjoy a cuddle with the one you love there in the dark.
Is it any wonder that this time period is when most people experience their first serious relationship.
But not everybody gets to have that coming-of-age experience. For people in a sexual minority, such an amazing human milestone isn’t even an option for them. Although this is less and less true, the fact is that it is only recently that a young man or woman in high school could openly express their affection for another of their gender (much less date).
I’m grateful that that partition is beginning to come down. It stood as an impenetrable, intimidating barrier during my high school years. Falling in love, out in the open, wasn’t even an option for me. So, it is nice to see that Love, Simon has taken a few blows at Love's version of the Berlin Wall.
The film stars Nick Robinson as Simon Spier, a gay, closeted young man who – just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – wants the fairy tale. He sees all his other classmates falling in love, but not him. His desire to have that special person in his life is ignited when he reads an anonymous gay confession on the school’s blog.
As Shakespeare wrote: the course of true love never did run smooth, and for Simon, it’s even more rocky. But in the struggle, he finds himself. He discovers what it means to be fully human, and along the way becomes a better man.
The story has a refreshing vein of honesty and lovableness in its one hour and forty-nine minute runtime. It’s an entertaining film that will give every moviegoer a tearful, warm fuzzy.
The triumph of love really celebrates all our loves. Have yours heralded by going to see this film, and enjoy a cuddle with the one you love there in the dark.
