Steven Colborne's Blog, page 15

Always Be Thankful

I’m sure you’ve encountered the expression, ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’. In today’s article, I will briefly discuss the sentiment behind this expression with reference to the subject of gratitude.

It seems to be part of the human condition that we so often long for our circumstances to be different. This is why we are continually looking for new clothes, new homes, new experiences.

The funny thing is, we rarely ever find contentment in our changed circumstances when they do change; we immediately begin craving ‘otherness’ again.

It’s interesting that while one person may feel enormous gratitude if they have fresh water to drink, another will not feel content with a three course meal.

I think it’s wise to be thankful to God for the blessings of each day, whatever they are. The chances are that the things you take for granted would be considered luxury by someone in a different part of the world.

Have you had enough to eat today? What a huge blessing! Do you have clean clothes to wear? Another huge blessing! How about shelter, a shower, a toilet? You are abundantly blessed.

What inspired this article is my current spell in psychiatric hospital. It’s easy to look on the downside. But when I reflect on the abundance in my life, even in these circumstances, I realise there is so much to be thankful for.

The simple process of stopping to think about how blessed you are and offering up a prayer of thanks will do wonders to counteract circumstance envy, instead settling you into quiet enjoyment of the present moment. The God who individually crafts every raindrop for us is waiting for your prayer.

The Dream

A small, wooden bench, overlooking the common.

A cup of coffee from Caffè Nero.

The freedom of living in the community.

The satisfaction of having done my best.

The love of my saviour.

The hope of my dreams and ambitions.

The assurance that all I went through was not in vain.

The perfect timing of the One True God.

The joy of knowing dreams come true.

The end of Winter and the beginning of Spring.

The expectation of the sunrise.

The dawning of a new era.

Greetings, friends, and glory to God! I’m no poet, but I wanted to share the above vision which gives me hope when I’m feeling frustrated on the ward.

There’s a ‘sanctuary’ in the hospital which I visited today and it felt rather like being in church, which was nice. It’s been too long since I praised God in the congregation.

I hope you all had a blessed weekend and may your week ahead be abundant in joy and peace. Thanks again for your support.

A Change of Perspective

Friends, hello and glory to God! Yesterday, I posted about feeling suicidal. There has been a dark energy on the ward in recent days. Thank you so much for your prayer support – truly, God hears every prayer.

As you can probably tell, I’m feeling more upbeat today. Not much has changed, except I did some meditation today, read the Bible, and organised my room. My perspective has shifted somewhat.

The main reason why I ended up in hospital is because I was driven to homelessness due to a very challenging accommodation situation. If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know all about it.

Even if I were to be discharged next week, I fear returning to the same flat would present just as many problems as I’m experiencing in hospital. So my focus has shifted to trying to be content in hospital (or wherever I am) and making the most of every day.

I hope you will forgive me if I share another prayer request. There are a couple of people of the ward who have threatened me with physical violence and so the last few days I’ve barely left my room. I have made a daily schedule that I would love to implement while I’m on the ward (involving Bible reading, meditation, exercise, and much more). Please can you pray that the ward would be a peaceful and safe place so I can have a productive time here and make a positive difference in the lives of others? That I will continue to pursue my calling and serve God faithfully, even while here?

This time in hospital has been a real experience. I prayed for God to perfect my character and He has subsequently put me through the refining fire. But thanks to your prayers, today I feel optimistic.

Just a reminder that my book Discovering the Qur’an is still free as an eBook over on https://TealightBooks.com. Well worth a read!

May God’s grace, peace, and mercy be a covering over the lives of everyone reading this post. Amen.

Free eBook: Discovering the Qur’an

Greetings, friends. Do you have an understanding of the contents of the Qur’an? As the Qur’an is believed by Muslims to be a divine revelation, should you not be acquainted with its teachings?

To help you to answer the above questions, I have made my short book Discovering the Qur’an available for free as an eBook from my digital bookstore. Here’s how you can get your copy:

1) Visit https://TealightBooks.com

2) Locate Discovering the Qur’an (priced as free) and go through the checkout process

3) You will be sent a link by BookFunnel which allows you to download your eBook in your choice of digital formats

4) You can then read your eBook on your smartphone, computer, tablet, or eReader

5) BookFunnel’s customer support is available for you should you have any technical issues

My hope is that you will enjoy reading my ‘primer’ for the Qur’an and will feel inclined to read the Qur’an itself. You will discover (God willing) that it is a truly wonderful Scripture.

God bless you and sincere wishes for a peaceful weekend.

That link again: https://TealightBooks.com

Suicidal

This will be a stream of consciousness post and I haven’t edited it at all, so please forgive any errors. And I should give a trigger warning.

A new day in the hospital. The word hospital is a lie, for this is not a place of healing. No one has ever been healed from taking the poisonous medication they force upon us, using physical brutality to inject us if we don’t comply.

Why do they force medication upon us? To subdue and zombify. They want us to be passively compliant, otherwise they will ratchet up and intensify the torture.

Perhaps our crime is that we think differently, outside the box. Why this should be punished I do not know, but this is the world we live in. Pharmaceutical companies profiting from the doctors’ prescriptions which only cause physical damage, never healing.

Tonight I am suicidal. I have been staying in my room for a few days because of threats of violence, and abuse, from other patients. It’s not surprising there is aggression on the ward, when you strip away the liberty of 20 adult males and lock them in corridors together, will they not get angry? If you force them to take tablets and injections that destroy their bodies, will they not get angry?

There are blessings every day, of course. We are given delicious food and drink, though I’m worried that those who produce and prepare it are not treated with love and compassion. I have a cup of tea in front of me, but should I really be drinking something that was cultivated is slavish conditions? Brits love their tea, but should we really be proud of this if it enslaves people?

Sometimes I think how I long to be discharged after three months in this place. But the evil in my accommodation drove me to homelessness, which is why I ended up in hospital. If I return to my flat, I will probably suffer there (more violence, intimidation, bullying). And the housing system in London is so messed up that I have virtually no hope of stable accommodation anywhere.

All of these groanings must be tempered by my faith in God. God can always do the extraordinary. But I wonder whether the world is so corrupt that God’s judgement is coming. He drowned humanity in the days of Noah, and humanity is perhaps more corrupt now than in those days. What will God do?

Maybe I should repent and then end my life, although I worry killing myself would not please God. Besides, the staff make it as difficult as possible to commit suicide. It’s crazy, a long spell in hospital has driven me to feel suicidal, yet I cannot act on this, even if I wanted to. What an atrocious mess of corruption the mental health system is.

Some members of staff are friendly and kind, some are unkind. I don’t judge them; God will judge us all.

I may just stay in my bed until I either starve to death or something happens. Hunger is painful but doesn’t compare to the pain of the anger and frustration I feel because I’m locked in here, week after week.

How does the consultant sleep at night? I asked her and she said she sleeps very well. What, even though your career is built on a lie? We don’t have ‘brain disorders’, it’s God that causes our thoughts, not the tissue inside our heads. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot, doctor? I fear you are in danger of hell for the way you treat us.

I’m not even feeling especially depressed or angry tonight. I would just like to see the back of this evil world. Seeing as I don’t have anything sharp with which to cut myself, I suppose I will just lie in bed and soak in the frustration.

My God, I have prayed for discharge for weeks, but it was not Your will. I trust that You are good. Whatever happens, help me to never doubt Your goodness as You are abounding in steadfast love and mercy, especially towards those who fear and love You.

Maybe tomorrow will bring a fresh perspective. All things are possible with God. Perhaps there is a way that the world can be saved from all this corruption and evil. I only hope God acts soon, because I am languishing here, and He is truly my only hope.

May God be blessed forever. Amen.

Prayer Request

Dear ones, things are pretty dire on the ward. Someone just tried to kick my door down and the same person (I think) tried to prevent me from closing my door earlier. These attacks are absolutely unnecessary and unprovoked.

There’s a dark atmosphere on the ward. I think this must be Satan stirring up discord. The dark energy is leading people to crave nicotine and I think this is behind some of the anger, though aggression is never justified.

I saw the consultant yesterday and very little was discussed, so I don’t know what her views are as regards discharge. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and I won’t be here a moment longer than He wills. Nevertheless, please pray earnestly for peace on the ward and my swift discharge.

I am having to spend a lot of time in my room as the communal areas are unsafe at present. The Holy Spirit is prompting me concerning what I should do and when. Please pray for the staff as well.

You are welcome to post any prayer requests in the comments, I will be happy to pray for you and other readers may also see your comment and pray.

Thank you!

Objectivity in Religion

I am overjoyed that a Christian friend has taken an interest in my book Discovering the Qur’an (thank you, Susan!). The book was written largely for this purpose – to encourage others, especially those from a Christian background, to read the Qur’an.

In today’s article, I wanted to write a little about different perspectives, especially theological perspectives, and how I make sense of them philosophically.

I believe understanding is a work of God in our minds and bodies. As we read or hear something, God works in us to give us a certain understanding. Depending on the will of God, teaching that we are exposed to will resonate with us either as truth or falsehood.

As a point of philosophy, words do not contain meaning intrinsically. The experience of understanding is rather embodied thought and feeling impressions. You can examine this experience for yourself as you read this article.

My main argument is that different theological perspectives can resonate in us as truth, even if they contradict one another. So when I read the Qur’an it might appeal to me as truth, and the same could apply when I read the New Testament.

I believe it’s a sign of spiritual maturity to be able to understand why a particular teaching appeals to someone as truth, and at the same time to hold onto one’s own beliefs. When we understand that truth has this subjective element, faith in a particular religion becomes more about choice.

Things are complicated somewhat by the idea of objective truth. For example, the crucifixion of Jesus must have either happened as a historical event, as Christians believe, or not, as Muslims believe. I either have two arms and two legs, or I don’t. These are arguably matters of objective truth.

A problem arises when we try to apply the reality of objective truth to matters of religion, because (to continue my example) there is no video recording of Jesus on the cross. How, then, can we be sure he was crucified?

The obvious answer is that this is where faith comes into play. The trouble with this argument, however, is that once we make faith a determiner of truth, we can believe absolutely anything. Faith becomes entirely subjective.

I believe the only way to clear things up is to appeal to objectivity. This could be as simple as praying to God to reveal what is objectively true (He may or may not do so). Or we might engage in interfaith dialogue with the aim of deepening our understanding of historical evidence so we can be deeply convinced about truth assertions.

God has created the idea of evidence, but should it be applied to religion? I see no reason why not.

A further complication is that faith is often considered virtuous. So we read in the Bible that Abraham believed God, and that this belief was reckoned to him as righteousness. But the point to make here is that this was not a display of blind faith from Abraham, but rather obedience to the voice of God, which I suppose was an objective reality to Abraham – he fully believed he heard from God and so he responded.

In conclusion, God has created in human beings the desire for certainty. That’s why theological debates get so heated. Different opposing perspectives can resonate in us as truth, and while this makes religion a subjective matter, there are also objective realities than should inform our faith. Deepening our understanding of these objective realities by seeking sound evidence could bring us closer to objective truth and therefore strengthen our faith in a particular religious worldview.

I’m sorry this post has so many imperfections. I’m typing on a smartphone and I’m far from perfect myself. If the article made you think the subject matter through, that’s wonderful. Please feel free to comment below with anything you’d like to add.

Click here to visit my eBook store.

Opening Up

I shared some thoughts several months ago around the subject of hearing the voice of God. The voice I heard, and still hear, tells me I am God of Earth. The voice is not audible, but it’s distinct from the voice I hear when I’m in regular contemplative thought. It is quite distinctly and undeniably the voice of God.

It’s an especially difficult subject to write about because I have been held in a psychiatric hospital for the last three months, mainly because I hate lying and so told the consultant and the nurses that God talks to me. I explained that this is not particularly unusual – my Christian friends often mention the Holy Spirit talking to them and the Bible is full of instances of God talking to people. Nevertheless, the consultant insists I am deluded.

Matters are somewhat complicated by the fact that when God talks to me, He sometimes lies. For example, on a few occasions during this admission God has said, “You’re being discharged today, I promise”, but then I haven’t been discharged. Although I find this difficult, God has also said to me that He would only ever break a promise to me in order to give me something better, and this makes sense – though He was lying, His promises brought me hope, which is a great mercy.

Several people have asked me how I know it’s the voice of God I hear, rather than the Devil, for example. My answer is that I find it hard to believe it could be the Devil – I say the Lord’s Prayer every morning when I wake up, I read the Bible and the Qur’an throughout the day, and I prostrate myself in prayer throughout the day. I pray in Jesus’ name. Would I really be doing these things if the Devil is controlling my thoughts? In any case, the voice I hear is always loving, I don’t think this would be the case if it were demonic.

The voice that speaks to me tells me things about my future; that I will be establishing a multi-faith church and putting on debates between Christians and Muslims. These are not merely selfish ambitions, I have said to God I am more than happy to be a street sweeper – all I want is to be in right relationship with Him and to be held in His blessing and favour, escaping the fires of hell and being admitted into paradise on the Day of Judgement. I take the warnings about hell in the Bible and the Qur’an very seriously, because God has the power to subject people to agonising torment, and this is warned about sternly in the aforementioned sacred Scriptures.

Returning to the subject of being God of Earth, I have of course questioned this repeatedly and wholeheartedly, although I sometimes feel guilty doing so because when Abraham heard instructions from God he believed God and it was reckoned to him as righteousness. This leads me to believe I should have the faith of Abraham and trust what God says to me, even when I feel He could be lying.

Someone reading this may argue that the Bible says it’s impossible for God to lie and therefore if I think God is lying to me I must be deluded, but I dispute the idea that the God who created the universe is unable to lie. It seems obvious to me that He can do anything within the realms of possibility and therefore of course He can lie. Why would He lie? Either to give something better or for other reasons He has no obligation to explain or justify – He is God and does whatever He will.

Something I’ve been struggling with recently is that God says to me that I have the power to give people cancer and/or send them to hell. I pray for mercy for all sentient beings regularly, so I don’t think this is vindictiveness. God also says that cancer or hell are always His decision and that I will not be held responsible. I want to emphasise that I only desire a world of peace, equality, and freedom from corruption and suffering, but if anyone thinks I’m being vindictive they should read the Qur’an and they will see the severity of God’s promised punishment for those who don’t repent and do good deeds. God isn’t vindictive, He is just.

I have explained in other posts, now deleted, my understanding of the way in which I am God of Earth. I am not a god besides God, and I have none of the attributes of God; I am a human puppet just like you and everyone else. The only difference is that God inhabits my body at certain times to carry out certain plans; He could just as easily do this with anyone else’s body.

Why would God choose me? He says He loves me dearly and that I have suffered more than any other human being in history, and that suffering is the thing He values most. He says my ‘promotion’ to God of Earth is partly a reward for my suffering and partly unmerited favour. As I don’t believe in free will, I don’t think Steven has done anything in particular to earn the role, it’s God’s subjective decision. The role He has for me is to bring peace and justice to Earth and to usher in a new era of interplanetary relations. I will apparently live for a very long time (in human terms).

As I sit here in my hospital pyjamas I don’t know what to believe, but what I do know is that God is in control of everything that happens, and that the only way to know the will of God for certain is to see what transpires in reality. I have questioned this ‘calling’ so much, even repented about it as I would hate to be guilty of blasphemy or idolatry, but I don’t know what more I can do – I’m compliant with medication, I pray for the truth and only the truth…

All I’m doing in writing this post is sharing my honest thoughts and feelings. May God have mercy on my soul and keep me and everyone reading this grounded in Truth, whatever that is. I’m now going to pray earnestly about whether or not I should publish this post. So if you’re reading it, you know what God said…

More on Generosity

Friends, good morning! It’s Mother’s Day here in the UK so a huge thank you to any of my readers who are mothers

Just a few further thoughts on generosity:

– Being intentional is good. In moments of solitude we can think and pray about good deeds we might do and make plans

– Generosity takes many forms. Sometimes just your presence as a follower of Christ is enough to make a difference

– Quality time with others (thank you for this one, Dinos!). We can be intentional about taking time out for others and enjoy uplifting and relaxing activities with them

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments about what constitutes true generosity.

Generosity

Friends, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be truly kind, giving, and selfless. I worry a lot that my motivations might be selfish, so I will be reflecting on that and trying to make sense of it in this post.

My main worry is that I cannot do anything without my own happiness being the motivation. Even if I am devoted to being generous and helping others, it is so I will feel better and reap eternal rewards.

I don’t think I’m alone in these motivations behind being generous. I think the same is true of many if not all people of faith.

I remember Paul the Apostle wrote something about how our present sufferings will not compare to the glory that will be revealed in us, so I think Paul was focused on the rewards he and others would get for doing good. Was he selfish, then?

Say I were to try to put others first in every moment. Immediately, conflict would arise because it’s impossible to be perfectly giving to everyone equally. For example, if I ring my father to ask him what I can do for him and then my sister calls my phone wishing to speak with me, I have to make a decision to put one or the other first, don’t I?

How about if I’m walking down the street and there are five people begging. How can I be generous to all of them equally? It seems we must all make decisions about how, when, and why to be generous, and in making these decisions, some people will inevitably feel let down. Am I correct?

I was having a conversation with a lovely guy on the ward, who said to me when he prays he asks God if he can suffer in the place of his family members. I was deeply touched by this, and wondered whether I could ever be so loving and giving.

But then I thought about it and thought of Jesus, and I said to my friend that he doesn’t need to take on the suffering of his family members because Jesus suffered for all humankind. This thought process helped me to realise what a truly amazing saviour Jesus is.

Life is almost never black and white. But what I plan to do is attempt to be a generous person, putting others first and keeping the golden rule in mind, but also thanking Jesus for my salvation and asking God for forgiveness in Jesus’ name when my conscience tells me that I have been selfish.

I can have the hope of forgiveness and a life free from guilt and shame because Jesus suffered in my place. Thanks be to God.

I’m sure there is much more that could be said on this subject. Feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts.