Barbara Bloom's Blog, page 12

Letting Go: Tough Love Learning to Say No Part Three

Yesterday was an interesting day.  My phone rang and it was a nurse from the behavior hospital where one of my daughter’s is currently is a patient.   She was placed in this facility after a problem with the law.  I prefer to call a mental hospital a behavior facility.  It’s just my personal preference.  She has been in the facility since April 2012.  Yes for years she has always had behavior problems and as the years went by they continued to worsen by the actions she chose.  A life style of unknown drugs and illegal activities has given her a huge set back in life and to make things worse she is five months pregnant.  I just found out two weeks ago.  The father of the child is unknown  Do I feel sorry for her?  My answer is no.  The reason I do not feel sorry for her is because as parent’s we teach our children there are consequences for our actions and choices which also come with responsibilities. 

I have taught my daughter that the bad choice’s she makes in life trickle down and touch herself and others just like water dripping out of a leaking pipe, finding every crack and crevice it can weave its way into, in turn it destroys everything in its path.  A wrong choice one person makes can destroy everything around them and even their own future.  Whether it is her brain cells affected, the legal system being involved due to a crime or her own family members, the drip of the choice she makes affects others.  It affects the innocent children in her family tree because she is too harmful to herself and others to play a positive role in the family.  Practicing tough love I haven’t been to visit her in the behavior facility as my inner self tells me it is not safe for me.  Also I currently have young children to take care of and they would not be permitted in a behavior hospital anyway.  

My daughter only wants to manipulate me into letting her move back home because she is pregnant.  She has stolen my heart, my property and years of my life.  For many years we have had to live under dead bolts while protecting our home and belongings from her shown actions.  We still have to live this way every time she visits. I have given her many chances and I cannot go back to living this way.  This is an example of tough love, learning to say no and breaking the barrier when someone else or a situation has control over you.  I have two children ages three and five to protect from their own family members.  In turn I have a choice to make which affects everyone’s life.  It is hard because I love my daughter but I do not condone her actions and her life style.  I have to let go and put the situation in God’s hands.

I have a family conference planned for over the phone this coming Thursday with the hospital.  The hospital personnel and her doctor agrees that it is best that she should not come back home.   I have told my youngest daughter of four as I speak to her on a phone call that she needs to ask a million questions while she is so close to social workers and if she does not understand what they are saying to ask them again and again.  The only questions she asks me is, what have I bought for the baby and could I go shopping at the thrift stores for her baby.  Her answer to feeding the baby is she will breastfeed.  Keep in mind while reading this that she does not even have a place to live after discharge from the hospital and she does not have a job to support a baby and/or a boyfriend to count on.  It is a sad situation but the fact is only she can fix the issues at hand.  She is in charge of her own life even with the problems she has.  I cannot solve her problems she is almost twenty years old.  I can only listen.  It is not my job to collect phone number for her anymore she an adult.  She needs to step up to the plate and stand on her own two feet or she will never learn how to move forward.

On a positive note:  The nurse in charge explained to me I was lucky.  I asked why?  She answered because you know you are being manipulated and most people in your situation have not come to that conclusion.

The problem:  An unborn child and a grandmother with a big heart who know’s the children are the innocent victims of their own mothers choice’s.

Only time will tell what happens next.  Stay positive and learn to say no.  Write the world no on a piece of paper and put it on your refrigerator.  Make it simple while you are learning and live one day at a time.

I am posting the link to my original story about tough love below:

 
http://www.myshoesmystory.com/2012/07/practicing-tough-love-a-mothers-survival.html

Your Shoes My Shoes: We All Love Shoes!: Barbara Bloom: Amazon.com: Kindle Store

Your Shoes My Shoes: We All Love Shoes!: Barbara Bloom: Amazon.com: Kindle Store.

A fun rhyming children’s book all about shoes.  Your Shoes, My Shoes we all love shoes.

Paperback version available