Emily Cook's Blog, page 46

Jumping in

Ten minute free-write (because I only have ten minutes today.)

My topic: Jumping in.

Tuesday and Wednesday I spoke at 2 local MOPS groups on the topic of Weak and Loved.

I've done it many times before, but public speaking still causes me quite a bit of anxiety.  I got up before the kids on both days (I almost never do this!) just so I could have time to think and pray before the kids were up.  My hope was that I would be less stressed, distracted, and snappy when they were up and we went through the getting-ready list.  I won't say this is the secret to perfection, but it did help.

When I get ready to speak, I think back to my days as a swimmer in high school.  The 200 IM was the most exhausting, rewarding, terrifying event I swam. As I get ready to speak, I feel the same nervous knot in the pit of my stomach. Approaching the microphone is like approaching the starting block. It happens in slow motion and is a bit surreal.

Then GO.
and there is no other choice, so you GO.
photo creditAnd the rest is a blur. Much flailing and all-out effort, focus, and more flailing, and finally, it's over.

And it feels good to be done.  The high fives (or, in the case of MOPS, thank yous, and perhaps hugs, and stories shared) after the event are a nice bonus, but the real joy is in being done.

Before my talks each time I prayed God uphold me, let me be a blessing to those who listen, and help them embrace the freedom of being weak and loved.

I don't get tired of saying it, really.
I am a child of God: weak and loved.

I'm sinful, He is my righteousness.
I'm at the end of my strength, but He lives for me.
I'm a beggar, but He is the Giver.
I am weak, He loves.

I love to write it, and this week I got to say it, too. And I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

It was a wonderful experience to go out of my home and say this to a bunch of strangers. But now, I am home again, and this weak and loved child/mother must focus more on the mothering part of things.

And I want to jump in to that, too. I want to give it the flailing, focused effort that I gave at MOPS this morning, even though it's not public, and even though it's not going to help sell any books.

But here at home, there is more relief than I expected.  The pace is slower. It's not 45 minutes of all out effort. Instead, here, wrestling matches are followed by naps, and horrific diaper changes are followed by blessed moments of uninterrupted happy-play. And after mealtime-- the exhausting, patience-testing, full body effort of serving a family of eight a meal-- there is recovery time in the storybooks, or the bath, or the family movie.

The pace is slower.
God is good.

Here, God meets me and fills my hands with good things.
Here, He supplies mommy with patience of forgiveness or both.
Here, I am tended-to, even as I tend.

Speaking of which, that was longer than ten minutes, and nap time is over.

God uphold me, and help me love these babies better, even when they are awake.

A public speaking prayer

chicken danceGod help me to be scared enough that I am mindful of what I say and lean on You through it, 

but not so scared that I get a nervous tick, 
or fall over, 

or start doing the chicken dance when I forget what I was going to say next.

To be Perfectly Honest: A book review

To Be Perfectly Honest: One Man's Year of Almost Living Truthfully Could Change Your Life. No Lie. by Phil Callaway
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This book made me smile, think, cry, pray, and laugh. And yes, all these things go together, and we can do each one in its season, because of the grace which we are given in Jesus. This book underlines and amplifies this truth.


"I am a Christian because of God's grace. I find it in no other faith system. The Christian gospel is rather simply. I love the way Tim Keller puts it: 'I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me.' The result is that I neither swagger nor snivel; I live with thanksgiving, overwhelmed and overjoyed by grace." p 161

And indeed he does live this life in grace, yet he lives it in the real world. Join Phil as he journeys through a year of honesty, as he wrestles with Pac-man addiction, witnesses to a after-rapture pet care salesman and a crook, faces financial struggles and family struggles, and loses his mother.

Phil Callaway's book was an enjoyable read. It was hilarious, thought-provoking and inspirational.

I highly recommend it. 

View all my reviews on Goodreads

A New Era

My 4th grade daughter got an iPod for Christmas from her grandma (with our approval.)

She was completely shocked, and of course, she loves it. We have the parental controls locked down tight, but she doesn't mind at all.  In fact, she used it to create a new game this weekend:
Modern Hide-N-SeekMaterials required to play: 2 devices with Face Time capabilityTo play:Hider hides, then alerts seeker via Face Time that she is ready.The video message may or may not give a clue as to her whereabouts.It may also be a means for the hider to taunt the seeker while she remains unfound.However, hiders should be aware that this is the most common cause of hiding spot revelation among today's youth. 


Though they vanished over Christmas break, we are re-instituting our technology rules around here this week. I'm also considering a separate iPod contract with my older daughter. 
Any suggestions as to what it should include, parents?

Journal love.

My 'tween daughter and I still enjoy our Mother-Daughter journal.  We pass it back and forth sporadically, and it has been a good way for us to keep the lines of communication open.
When I started one with her, I also started one with Aggie.Aggie loves making pictures for people and expressing her love that way.  So that's pretty much what we do in this pre-'tween version of the journal.
And it's wonderful.Here's a glimpse:

"I love that you always look after me,always take care of me,always love me.Since you have taken good care of me , you deserve a gift.LOVE!"
Oh babe, I don't deserve it, but I welcome it with my whole heart!You are grace to me, Aggie!

How I used their love of things gross to teach them a healthy habit

Healthy habit for the month of January: Drink more water (read post #1 here.)
"Hey kids, water is extremely good for our bodies, and we need to drink more of it."
(Do your own reading to learn how much. I know there are conflicting reports, but in this house, any of the daily recommendations seem like a HUGE jump for us, even when you factor in the milk.)
Roughly 8 cups a day.
That's per child, not per FAMILY, kids.
We focused on the following:

Benefits of drinking water

Healthy heart
Healthy skin
Healthy joints
Healthy blood flow
Eliminates toxins
Helps the body fight infection
Mental clarity
Boosts energy
Helps the body absorb nutrients and oxygen

(I didn't mention weight loss. No need to focus here with the children, though this is a benefit that I would welcome.)

Signs of dehydration

Irritability
Headache
Low energy
Illness
Poor concentration
Constipation

I printed out water-related coloring pages for them, and I added the details as they colored.
Now, we have a wall full of drinking inspiration:





The gross advantage

Of course, the boys loved talking about constipation.  So, I thought I'd take advantage of their youthful love of all things gross, and go a step further.

"How do we know if we are getting enough water?  Any guesses kids? Your body gives you an easy clue!"
(blank stares)
"It's something you can check many times a day... when you go to the bathroom! Any guesses?"
(curious heads shaking, smirks, wide eyes)

"Pay attention to the color of your urine."

(What? Really? Ba hahaha!)
They could hardly believe their mother was talking about such things at the table.
And not only did I talk about it. I drew them a picture.



"Mommy, are you sure the smiley face isn't supposed to be on the OTHER side?" said a disappointed child, post-evacuation.
"Yes, honey, I'm sure. Your body is telling you that you need more water."

They are sighing a little bit about this new habit, but I continue to remind them that it could be worse. We could be eliminating sugar, or eating 3 veggies a day.

(Insert mom's evil laugh here, and then imagine six children submissively drinking their water.)

This is possible: One habit a month.

My sister-in-law and I share an interest in whole foods, and healthy living, and sneaking vegetables into certain foods.
We also share an interest in sugar, and how crazy it is that we can't seem to eat just a little without turning into monsters.
Why is it so hard to take care of a body?
We commiserated this, and about food related mommy-guilt.
I sit down to lunch with children, me with my nice plate of salmon and brown rice, or my salad, and the children, with their macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. Why? Because healthy stuff is expensive, and they probably won't like it, and I don't feel like picking the battle (until I have won it in my own head, first.)
I have heard myself saying, "No, you may not be done with breakfast until you finish your Fruit Loops!" and then, I saw the circles of artificially colored, chemically filled sugar staring back and me, and the situation seemed so ridiculous. Why make them finish that? I sigh. "Nevermind. Go play."
Is it just me?
It's hard to take care of a body, and VERY hard to take care of little bodies at the same time.
Maybe this will be the year we finally go all out. 
We'll abstain from sugar for a whole month, and we will discover that we like the taste of naturally-sweetened food. I'll figure out how to afford organic food for eight people, and I'll buy our own chickens and cow, and start making home made laundry soap, and plant a huge garden, and I'll clean everything with vinegar, and we will all drink delicious kale smoothies by the side of the pool. 
Nah. [image error] more likely.
I don't actually say this out loud, but I have been operating under an assumption when it comes to living healthy: 
If you can't do it right, don't even bother.
Perfectionism.It can paralyze a person. It can make a person give up.
And eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants, as much as she wants, and workout never, or only if she feels like it.  And this is nice, for awhile..for a long while, especially if you share your calories with another child for 9 consecutive years.  
But it's catching up with me.

And I'm asking the question, in public even, because I am more than half serious this time:
Could I, by changing one habit a month,  help myself and my family become healthier in 2013?
Well, that's how I got my house in order. Thanks to flylady, her baby steps, one habit a month, and constant reminders to ditch the all-or- nothing, crash-and-burn mindset.
I want a better relationship with food. I want to learn more about healthy living, so that I can think about it less, and just live. I want to take advantage of the abundance of this place, and learn to use it for my own good, and the good of my family.
If I make myself write about healthy living, I will make myself think about it, and learn about it.If I learn about it, and teach my children what I learn, maybe things will stick.

So I'm making myself write.  And think. And I'm inviting you to read.  And I'm hoping we will end up smarter and healthier, but I don't want any of us to turn into the girl at the party who brings her own special food and makes everyone feel guilty while they eat their nachos, got it?
I am starting with the easiest habit I could think of.
Drink more water.

This is my reminder:Water before coffee.

Learn with me! How much?Why?What if I don't want to?Click here to learn.


Do you have food-related mommy guilt?
Why do you think it is so hard to take care of our bodies?

Will you take this baby step with me?Come back Thursday to see how I introduced this idea to my children.(mild gag warning)

New Years Eve

New years eve.

Waffle cone tree.
I am worn out, in a good way, from a weekend with family.  I just woke up from a delicious nap, and my brain is slowly starting to clear. I want to start thinking about the next influx of company, the next round of Christmas, that starts in two days.

Because of the way our break falls, we have one more week with no school, and for us, it is to be filled with snow, and family from out of state, and more Christmas.

I like stretching out the good things like this.

I know it's a bit of a fad, but I can't help it. I am also beginning to think of good plans to implement in the New Year.

My plans are rough, but actually much more detailed than this. I will resist laying them all out here. They will change, I know. They are too ambitious, or wrongly directed, or simply not practical. But in what ways? I cannot see that yet, because I can't see the things I cannot control that are coming to me in 2013.


With the help of God, I will do what is in front of me.
And maybe, I can guess where to start:

Care (and be cared-for, or caring is impossible.)


Health
I want to learn to care for my body better. I want a better relationship with food.  I want to want health more than I want junk. I want to make better use of the abundance we have in this country, to feed myself and my family the things that are good for our bodies.

I want to obsess about food less, and I am coming to realize that in order to do that, first, I need to learn more.

I write about the things I care about. I'm going to make myself write about these things, in hopes of helping myself continue to care. (and maybe blessing you, too. Or confusing you. Or giving you something to laugh at. Time will tell.)

Intellectual  Health
I have a wonderful long list of books that I hope to read this year (and I'll tell you about the ones I love.)

Family
I look at the little ones in my home, and I prayerfully consider what my mommy-job will require of me.  How can I best care for my family?

I can anticipate a few things:

I will continue to grow up with my tween, by connecting with her, and by being stretched in my understanding of femininity.
I will read a few books on sensory disorders (any recommendations?) and chart new territories with my young one who is wonderfully, differently made.
I will embrace chaos, I will fight chaos, I will enjoy my kids, and I will lose my temper more than once.

His Word will be woven into our days. The breath of His Spirit will be our life.

Life interrupts.
As I wrote this post, I got a text from my husband. A parishioner is having open-heart surgery today, and he has been at the hospital with her family since early this morning. He just sent me a message:

Things are going horribly wrong here.

That is all I know. He has not answered his phone.


Life interrupts.

God interrupts.
Death interrupts.
Who am I to resolve and plan?

Care.
The love of Christ in me will compel me to drop my plans, my resolutions, and to simply do what is in front of me.
Care for my husband, my family, my church family.
Be cared-for by God and others.
Be loved, love and serve and pray, with all my weakness, and with all my might because it is His love that works in me.

Of all the things I wrote above, there is only one that is certain:


His Word will be woven into our days. The breath of His Spirit will be our life.

God's blessings in 2013. 

Here.

I live though the holidays at a different pace.
I'm embracing chaos, or fighting it, depending on the moment.
The children sleep in, and I sleep in even longer, and we wake to a world covered in snow.  Out here in the country, this much snow means no traveling anywhere for any reason, and so we accept our God-given boundary, and we let the snow rule our day.

If I'm honest, I'll tell you I miss "my" nap time quiet.  I do. I miss the hours of nobody talking to me, when I can give attention both to the lists, and to the things on my mind that need to be wrestled through, prayed through, sorted through while I sit at my keyboard.
My house and my mind are more cluttered than usual.But, everybody is here.Life falls down heavy like snow on my branches.And I'm not going to shake it off just yet.

The school is quiet.
This place is not.But it's beautiful, too.

They are here.I'm trying to be here, too.


I think they appreciate it. 

Christmas crazy

My kids are all home for Christmas break, and do you know what? It is CRAZY. I mean full to the brim, how-n-the-world-can-anyone-be-expected-to-handle-this crazy.
I love them dearly, but holy chaos.
Today I said to them, "We really need to get this house together, kids! Look at all the chaos you've created in here!"And one of them said, teasingly, "No mommy, YOU made this chaos!"
And of course, there is some truth to that. It was my womb that brought forth this explosion of rosy cheeked, snow-dripping life.

Christmas break brings out my crazy, too.Like the way I am so tired of a thing, and yet I want more of it, and can't bear to see it end.
For instance, the baby stage.
On the one hand, it's the little ones that are driving me the most crazy. I'd really like to curl up with a chapter book with the big kids, but the little ones insist on throwing things in the toilet whenever I turn my head. I'd really like to have a huge snowball fight with the big kids, but the little ones keep falling over in the snow and losing their boots.
Could it be? Am I actually growing out of the baby stage?
I want to be done with the sweaty wrestling match putting on boots and snowsuits just to go outside in the snow for a few minutes. I want the littlest ones to grow up already.
Did I just say that?
And yet, just as passionately, I don't want them to grow!I drag my feet, OH how I drag my feet!
I linger in the rocking chair.I crawl into bed with my baby (who insists he is NOT a baby) while he's still sleeping because that is the only time he will snuggle me.I hold other people's tiny babies, and I smile like an old woman, and I can't help but say, "Enjoy them while you can! They grow up too fast!"I imagine a dark-skinned baby who needs a mommy, magically transported into my arms.I research adoption, with a mixture of compassion and selfish aching.I watch all six of them in the Christmas program, and I am a little sad, because for the first time, there is no baby to wrangle in the pew with me.
I don't want to move on.and yet, I do.
And my wants? Really, they don't matter so much as I think they do.
I could attempt to sort out my emotions, and I could try to clean them up, and mold them into what I think they should be, what I imagine they would be if there were no sin mixed in with them.  But even my imagination is clouded. I don't think I will bother.
Instead, I'm going to ask a simple question:
What is true here?
What is true?
I have been blessed beyond measure. My house is bursting with it.Things change, and change seems too slow and too quick all at the same time.Frustration and grief and anticipation is to be expected.And yes, my sin is mixed in with all these things. (Why does this always surprise me?)And yet, by grace, my sin is swallowed up in Christ.He has given me His righteousness, and His hand is upon me.
His grip is my peace.
And so, I end where end so often.Weak and Loved,leaning on Christ for that which I need for this day,and entrusting to Him my tomorrow.


[image error] Peter, far left. He is not a baby.------------------Does Christmas bring up mixed feelings for you?Do you feel the ache of the never-agains?