Emily Cook's Blog, page 48

Sitting in sadness

My son came home with tears in his eyes today.

He had a note from his teacher. It was a "bad note," because he did something "really really naughty today. "(He and his friends made a mess with soap "explosions" in the bathroom.)
He was repentant, and terrified, he could hardly talk for the crying.

He sniffed, squeezed me again, and said, "I never thought I'd be a kid that had to go talk to the principal."
And all this time, his mother was acting quite odd. She wasn't mad. She just hugged him back, quietly and firmly.
She sat under him on the couch for as long as he needed, rubbing his back, and comforting him.
She lectured him a little, but her heart wasn't really in it. She was tender, affectionate. Her arms welcomed her little sinner, and she was happy to sit with him in sadness for as long as he needed.

She wasn't thinking of the note.
All she could think was, "my son came home from school today."

My heart and my thoughts are with those in Connecticut.

photo creditDid you know there was a similar tragedy in China today, too? Read about it here.

Today, I am not this mother.
But like her, I live in this sad place.

How long, Lord?

Have mercy.
Tend to us.
Tend to them, those whose hearts break.

Jesus hold us close.
Without you, there is no hope.

Advent: Busyness, guilt, and the prying open of eyes

It's still advent.
Still a time of preparing and waiting. 

And shopping and baking and cleaning and ornaments and gingerbread houses and wishing for snow and playing in mud instead and cleaning the floors and getting the cat neutered and praying for the sick and publishing a book and wrapping presents and making memories.

I'm trying not to let myself get buried under the gift lists and the baking and the cleaning. But it's hard, isn't it? It is so hard not to let those things take over. 

You know what else is hard? Wrestling with guilt while doing all these things. All the messages everywhere about the real reason for the season, about focusing on what is important, about spending time with family and not rushing through Christmas- they are good messages, but part of me says, come on already!  Things have to get done!  If I just sit around and read my Bible all day, whose going to do the work?!

I'm busy this month, like every month, but more so, and what makes this month different? All the things I am hearing about how wrong it is to be so busy!  Enough already! Leave poor Martha alone!

All right. My rant is over. 
Now I'll try to make peace between these tensions in my head.
Perhaps if I do that, it will ooze over into my life as well.

In this house, the preparing and the waiting look like this.

Pastor Daddy is very busy and we don't see him much. Mom is getting ready for the Christmas party and trying not to throw a hissy-fit when the little boys spend every waking moment deliberately sabotaging every one of mom's efforts to check one single thing off her list. 

They're watching  more TV than normal, despite my newly instituted technology plan. (I reserve the right to break my own rules for the sake of my sanity.)

And yet, Daddy starts our morning off right, with devotions around the breakfast table. Later, mom takes in a few more bites of God's word, in between hurried sips of coffee.

I wanted us to wallow in God's word. to rest in it this month. And I thought that would look more like, well, rest, but instead it looks like work and play and mess and exhaustion.


God with us. HERE.And yet, God's Word flows in and out of our days. He has hedged me in behind and before, and has put His hand upon me, and it is there even when I am mopping the floors.  Boys wrestle on my lap, and we read Elmo's Christmas, and then one more book, and there is Jesus, and grace.  I change a diaper, and a joking boy reminds me to tease and play even then, and there is grace. Always, there is grace.

I can't throw the lists away, because my calling is here in the work and the busy preparations. But I can quiet the lists, if just for a moment. I can treat myself to a time-out, and I can be still and know that He is God.

I fight, not for the grace, as if it His grace is such a fickle thing that it goes away when I am not thinking about it. No, His grace in Christ is there, all around me, and is more solid than the walls of this house.

I fight for a chance to get my bearings. 
I fight to a chance to allow His word to penetrate my ears, correct my vision, and turn my heart back towards Him.
To confess the losses of temper, the selfish heart, the grumbling; to repent and return to my Father who welcomes me.
To feel the solidness of His love around me. 

I fight to keep my eyes open to His grace.

2 of my favorite ways to pry my eyes open 


Make a gratitude list
If you haven't already, I encourage you to begin a list of "Gifts we already have" with your children. We are approaching 300, and every time we sit down with our list, we come away with a changed perspective.  


We counted the big things, like Jesus and forgiveness and the promises of God.
We've listed crazy things like chairs and toothbrushes. We write down funny things, like the nonsensical joke Aggie told, and the way Peter sticks out his tongue when he concentrates.

Grace. All grace.


Read something wonderful
Like God's Word, or the Treasury of Daily Prayer.

Read something wonderful, like this poem, Goodnight Advent, written in the spirit of Goodnight Moon.
This made me wanted to gather all my children under blankets and read it to them.
So I did.

Read it, please.
What a delightful way to wallow in the Story of God's work in the world.
(Then the kids wanted to illustrate it, so they are. I hope to revisit this one every year.)


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Do you struggle with busy-guilt this time of year?How do you fight it?
PS. Read Goodnight AdventI'm serious.

Explode.

More from Katie Davis:

“One of the questions that surprised me most was this: “Mommy, if Jesus comes to live inside my heart, will I explode?”“No!” I proclaimed as the children and I headed to the Nile River for a few of them to be baptized that day.


Then I thought about the question a bit more.

“Yes, if Jesus comes to live in your heart, you will explode.” That is exactly what we should do if Jesus comes to live inside our hearts. We will explode with love, with compassion, with hurt for those who are hurting, and with joy for those who rejoice. We will explode with a desire to be more, to be better, to be close to the One who made us.” 
― Katie J. Davis,  Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

I don't like my child, part 2

Do you ever struggle to like your child?  
I addressed this struggle in a post last month. You can read it here: Help, I don't like my child!

Elizabeth had something to add, and I think it is worth highlighting:

"It never hurts to ASK GOD to give you that "LIKE" for your child. My son is only five and a half, so I have a feeling I will be praying that prayer a few more times in the years ahead. But already, I can count at least two specific seasons where my heart echoed this Mother's. And I was especially burdened over it because, for crying out loud, I had longed for this boy for EIGHT PLUS YEARS!? How could I now not be liking him? How ungrateful WAS I? 

I took this to my group of praying friends and asked them to ask God to give me an AFFECTION and appreciation, a "like" if you will, for my boy. And I can tell you, in no time at all, God was quite pleased to answer those prayers with a hearty YES. So much so that I have not been living in a long SEASON of liking my son. That's not to say we don't have our difficult moments (HA!) but the overriding tone between us is one of deep affection and enjoyment of one another."

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" ~Matthew 7:7-11

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Elizabeth, I agree with this.
This is something that can be hard to ask God for, because first it requires admitting it to myself, and then to God, that I am struggling with something that seems so wrong to struggle with!
Often I will pray, God help me see this child as you see him (or her). Not just the hard things that I am seeing so obviously, but also, the wonder that child is as God's creation.
Give me more love, and help me really see my children!
And He does answer these prayers!
Mothers, what would you say to a mom who is struggling with liking their child?

An ache, a crazy prayer, and the joy of giving

One upon a time, a young girl prayed,
“Break my heart for what breaks yours.”
And she ended up in Africa.  She has an amazing story to tell, and I encourage you to read it.
One of Katie's kids, nursed back to health.
read more hereIt is not a calm story, or a safe story, or a tame story. It is a story of the love of Christ poured out on to others in Uganda.  It is a story of being unsettled and uprooted.  It is a story of love.
Love is not stable. it is not calm and placid.  It is not predictable.  Love suffers, love upsets the normal order of things. Love is passion--love is dancing with those who dance, and aching with those who ache. Love gets hurt. Love gets wounded.
Love is vulnerable. Love often looks like weakness.
Yet it is so much more dynamic and beautiful and alive than a life of soma, a life of worldly, selfish happiness. 
Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours.
I read Katie's story this summer, and it refuses to leave me. Reading her words led to more reading, and learning, and aching for those in this world who have so little.
And I look around here, at our abundance, the blessings that fill our home and our house so full that they spill over, get in our way, and even drive me crazy. 
Jesus, can I do something?  I know I can't fix it all, but can you use me to help, even just a little?
I thought about my vocation, and how there seems to be nothing left over of me for anything outside this house.  How can a person with nothing left give something?
Then, I thought about our home, and how well we are provided for by my husband and those who love us.  Then, I thought about my hobby- the writing I do in this place, and I thought about my husband who encourages me to write, yet refuses to kill the joy of it by pressuring me to turn this hobby into a career.
Words. I can give my words.I can donate the profits from my new book.
And like a little girl asking her dad for permission to buy a puppy, I asked my husband what he thought of that idea. He thought it was wonderful.
I get to give. 

It may not be much, but it is something.(I chose Project 24 in Kenya. Click here to find out why)
Maybe I can help just one.
Photo from childrenwithnoone.org

Perhaps you'd like to join me?Read more about Project 24 here.


Tend to Me: Devotions for MothersNow Available on Amazon

Tend to Me: Now Available

It is not the quantity of children, but it is the blessed weight of any number of children, that makes us what we are: mothers. We find that lost mitten, practice phonics in the car, and come up with creative ways to discipline.  We hide in the shower, we collapse when the kids go to bed, and we forget to take our vitamins even though we give them to the kids. We have bad days, when we raise our voices and we cringe when we hear the word “mommy.” We have good days, when our hands willingly bake cookies and shape souls.

Our jobs are never done, and what did get done could have done better. Our hearts are too small, our bodies are too tired, to love these little people as they deserve to be loved.
The grace of God in Christ allows us to be honest about our vocation; to look to Him for what we lack, to take refuge under his grace when we feel the weight of our sin.
Mothers, let us draw strength from each other, and look to Jesus for mercy, hope, and wisdom for this impossible, wonderful vocation of motherhood.
Jesus, Good Shepherd, Tend to us.


A collection of the most popular  devotional articles by Emily Cookincluding discussion questions and Bible study helps.Permission granted to reproduce the contents of this book for any non-profit use
with due credit given to the author.
Contact the author with questions.


Buy it now on Amazon.



All proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to
Project 24
a mercy project for orphans in Kenya

Click here to learn more about Project 24
.

Rejoice!

drawing by Lorraine

Chaos management: Technology

I tucked one son in, and said, “Have a good rest, honey.”
“You have a good nap, too.” He said.“Oh, I’m not sleeping today,” I said, and he looked concerned.“Well mommy, if you… maybe… maybe take some rest so maybe after naptime you won’t be so… loud.”
Ouch.He was right—it had been quite the lecture. Again, there were hugs and apologies and prayer. Rest in peace, son, and may God help us to stay at peace even when you are awake.

What brought on the fit-throwing this time?Technology.
Honestly, I feel a vague sense of guilt when my kids are watching TV or playing video games.   That doesn’t mean it never happens, of course. Generally, we do things together until my nerves are shot, and then I “give in” to some screen time so that I have a minute to recover myself. 
But there is no system in this house. And I think we need a system.
Last weekend, I said, “I’ll let you guys have some technology time, but you need to take turns and be kind to one another.”  No rules, just a plea to play, get along, and leave me out of it, please.
Well, it was too much for them. Turns out, the system they fell into was something like this: the one who pesters persistently or whines the loudest gets the most play time. The bigger ones get more play time than the little ones.   Disagreements are to be worked out with snarky comments, and unresolved issues get settled by mom in the kitchen.
Until, of course, mom has had ENOUGH.And she makes everyone turn everything off, and stomps around, and seriously considers banning children from electronics forever.
We all exchanged apologies at lunch, and then we discussed technology.
Is it a want or a need?  Will you actually suffer harm if you do not have technology time?A want, they reluctantly admitted.
What is good about it?It is fun, and it keeps us out of your hair. (sigh, um, yes it does.)And of course, it can be educational, mom.
What’s not working in this house?We are fighting about it too much.
“So kids,” I said,” I see two ways to solve this problem. We could come up with a better system of rules to help us limit and manage our technology time, or we could simply get rid of technology time all together.”
They voted for the rules. I said we will try rules, but they already know the backup plan.

It started with technology tickets. I've seen many cute and fun ways to do these on pinterest (like this one,) but for me, if it's going to get done, it needs to be simple.  So here's my version for the not-so-crafty mom:

technology sticks

Technology can be a means of God-given relief, for them and for me.  And yet, young sinners need some boundaries, just like mom does.

Here's what I came up with (and thanks to all of you who contributed to the discussion on facebook!)

You'll notice there is not a firm number of hours here. I reserve the right to tinker with this system, and to declare a family movie night that is for all of us, including those who have used all their sticks already.

So far, there has been less arguing, more peace, more reading, and more cleaning in this home. I like that :)

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God, thank you for the gift of technology!  Guide us as we learn to use it for good in this home and outside these walls.  Amen.


How do you manage technology time in your home?
--------------Tend to Me, Devotions for Mothers, coming soon!
Also, check out this post for some great Advent ideas, including the "Gifts we already have" gratitude journal, and the giving catalog.

Advent Plans

I always get overly excited for advent. I make BIG plans, and I put them all in our little advent calendar tree. And then, next year when I get the tree out? I laugh because half of the little doors still have stuff in them.  I know life is going to happen. I know we are going to be down with illness or chaos. And still, I plan.
This year, I have been prayerfully considering what and how to plan. I'm trying hard to keep it simple so that we can stay focused on what is important. And so, it's is now December 5, and I have my plans finalized.  And you know what else? I'm giving myself permission to ignore any other great ideas that come my way from here on out. Yes there are other fun things we could do. But, enough. It is enough.
(And I hope you will say that about these ideas, if they are more than you need. You can ignore them! Or, you can always pin them for next year!)


What is needful?Simply, Jesus.I want us to soak up His grace and His Word. I want us to wallow in it.
Our plans(As I said above, don't let these ideas distract you! If you already have a full list of great plans, you have permission to ignore these, or pin it away until next year.)
First, we receiveDaddy leads nightly devotions.  This time of year, devotions include more singing and even candles. The kids (and I) just love that.  The change in the lighting makes for a (slightly) more serious mood.

The Story Bible- Recommended
We are also trying to memorize Luke 2 as a family. (Click here for a free downloadable copywork book to use with your kids!)

We give thanksI loved this idea.  We are started a journal of "gifts we already have," and we are thanking God for them. I wonder how many we can list?  Our first attempt stopped at 157!
I'm not a fancy, scrapbooking type girl, so our journal isn't exactly pretty. It's an old notebook from college, plus a sticker, and a Christmas card, and a ribbon I found in one of our Christmas boxes. This is as fancy as I get.

It is enough.


We've done a gratitude journal before, and I love how it helps all of us change our perspective, and see God's hand of mercy in the things around us- from the blessings of family and friends, to hot water, and technology, and milk for breakfast.

Feel free to use this label if you like.

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Finally, we give stuff.
We are making our lists, for family and friends and teachers and so forth.
It is a joy to give to our loved ones, and  those close to home.  
We keep givingThe children have been putting money in a special jar to give away to those in need. They receive an allowance, and additional money for extra jobs. We tell them to give part to our local church. Then they have the choice of saving, spending, or putting some in our giving jar.


The giving jarConfession: I have offered them a small incentive for writing in the gratitude journal. For every 25 gifts they list, I donate a quarter to their giving jar.

They write, and again and again they see it, and we see it:
We are blessed.

Inspired by Ann, I'm working on compiling and assembling our own giving catalog so that they can choose how to give their money from a host of good things.  Gifts for the least of these

. (Childrenwithnoone.org)
The joy in it
Having counted our blessings, wallowed in His grace, we can hear His joyful invitation to us:
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:40)

Is all this giving sucking the fun out of the joy of Christmas for these little kids?  No, on the contrary. Their eagerness and delight spills over into my heart, and all good things in this house are increasing.


We don't have to, but we get towe get togive gifts to God for Christmas,as we see Him in our loved ones,and in the least of these.


Now, don't forget to read the post that inspired this one: The Grateful Christmas Project. It's beautiful.

Advent Ache

There has long been an ache in me for those in impoverished countries, but I have done my best to fight it. 
Those thoughts seem like they could lead to scary places, and I just feel more comfortable keeping that box shut.
I mean, if I open it, God might make me do something about it.He might ask me to give something.He might make me uncomfortable with what I have.He might ask me to given even more. He might ask me to give too much.He might ask for everything.
And everyone knows, I already have enough to do, and the things I have to do right now, I don’t even do them that well—God knows I require a heaping mound of grace each day, each week, to soothe myself after I have failed to love those around me, again.  I am spread thin already, just loving and serving the people in my own home, and doing church stuff, and managing our abundance.
I can’t handle another thing.Besides, I can’t fix it. I can’t really do anything substantial to ease the suffering of people thousands of miles away. 
photo from childrenwithnoone.orgSo what’s the point of looking beyond my home, or beyond  my country, and aching for the things that go on there? Can’t I just hide from the headlines, from the mission work, and keep on gasping my way through the work in front of me, just  doing what I do in my tiny corner of the world?
But, God said no. I am not allowed to hide, he said.I must pray.
And praying?That led to thinking. And reading. And learning.And I feel my heart getting achingly bigger.

Do you feel this ache?What do you do with it?
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Coming Soon: Tend to Me: Devotions for Mothersby Emily Cook
Read more here