Pam Laricchia's Blog, page 29
July 25, 2018
EU134: How Unschooling Grows with Virginia Warren
Virginia Warren’s two daughters have never been to school. We have great fun diving into their journey to unschooling, her biggest stumbling block along the way, her perspective as a gamer mom, what’s surprised her most so far, what her favourite thing about unschooling is right now, and lots more!
Questions for Virginia
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
What was your biggest stumbling block on the road to understanding unschooling?
A mutual friend recently described you as a “gamer mom.” I really enjoy watching my kids play video games, but my personal skills top out at Animal Crossing and Phoenix Wright. I’d love to hear about your experience and perspective on video games.
What has surprised you most so far about how unschooling has unfolded in your lives?
What’s your favourite thing about your unschooling lifestyle right now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Livre para Aprender: Cinco Ideias para uma Vida Unschooling Feliz, the Portuguese translation of Free to Learn, is now available in both ebook and print editions!
Sandra Dodd’s website
Virginia is a fan of Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards, and Unconditional Parenting
You can find her on Facebook in the groups Radical Unschooling Info and Unschooling Q and A
Episode Transcript
July 18, 2018
EU133: The Twists and Turns of Unschooling with Bea Mantovani
Béa Mantovani is an unschooling mom with two children. I’ve known Béa online in unschooling circles for quite a few years—she’s even translated some of my blog posts into French. We have a really interesting conversation as we dive into the twists and turns of their unschooling lives, including how she found unschooling, her biggest deschooling challenge, navigating learning to read, how technology weaves into their days, the ups and downs of extended travel, being trilingual and exploring languages with children, and much more!
Questions for Béa
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
What did you find to be the most challenging area of deschooling in that first year or so?
One of the common questions people have as they learn about unschooling is, “But how will they learn how to read?” I’d love to hear your perspective on the process of children learning to read—both philosophically, and how it’s playing out in your unschooling lives.
Another area that a lot of people find challenging is technology. Computers, the internet, cell phones, and other electronic devices are new to our culture and change can be scary. I’d love to hear about your experience around this topic.
We’re friends online and I see you that you guys travel pretty often. And, I know that you’re at least bilingual because you’ve translated some of my blog posts into French. I definitely wanted to ask you about both these topics! But then, when we were in touch before the call, you mentioned how those topics go together. Now, I’m extra curious. I can imagine a few ways they might be connected, but I’d love to hear how travel and languages weave into your unschooling lives. What are the joys and the challenges?
What’s your favourite thing about your unschooling lifestyle right now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Sandra Dodd’s website
Sai Paint Tool, a computer drawing tool
Béa’s family blog, One Moment at a Time
Béa’s French unschooling translations blog, Apprendre en liberté
And she’s on Facebook
Episode Transcript
July 11, 2018
EU132: Deschooling Two Cultures with Iris Chen
Iris Chen is a Chinese American unschooling mom who was born in the US, grew up in the US and Canada, and now lives with her husband and two boys in China. She’s been unschooling for about a year and began sharing her experiences on her blog at untigering.com. I’ve really enjoyed reading her posts, and I was excited when she agreed to come on the podcast. We dive into why her and husband decided to move to China, her family’s move to unschooling, unschooling in China, deschooling expectations around achievement, feeling like an outsider in both Chinese and American societies and lots more!
Questions for Iris
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
I love how you describe your blog, untigering.com, on your about page: “Untigering is a blog about my adventures of trying to be parent in the tension of my Chineseness and Americanness. It’s about me moving away from being a typical tiger mom, but still wanting to hold on to my cultural heritage. It’s about figuring out what I believe about identity, family, and success as an outsider to both societies.” Let’s start with your shifting definition of success. You and your husband were well on your way to fulfilling the “American Dream” when you guys did a complete 180. How did that come about?
And then you had children. How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
I’m really curious about unschooling in China. Can you share a bit about your experience and the pros and cons you see?
You have a great blog post about the value of letting go of expectations, especially ones around achievement. When a child dives into an interest it’s so easy for us to start envisioning that as their lifelong passion and career, like we need to rationalize to ourselves that it’s okay to let them have at it. Maybe we try to convince ourselves we’re just being supportive, but it can quickly backfire, can’t it?
I’d love to talk some more about your experience with the tension of feeling like an outsider in both Chinese and American societies. Can you share your thoughts around the process of weaving together your cultural heritage with what you’re discovering makes sense to you about children, learning, parenting, and family? What does that look like for you?
You recently published a blog post titled, ‘Unschooling as an Asian American is an Act of Resistance.’ I thought it was a great piece and was hoping you’d share your thoughts about it here.
What is your favourite thing about unschooling right now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Iris’s blog, untigering.com
Scott Noelle’s podcast episode
The Alliance for Self-Directed Education
Peter Gray’s article, Kids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning
Iris’s blog post, Pros and Cons of Unschooling in China
Iris’s blog post, 3 Unschooling Expectations and Why We Shouldn’t Have Them
Idzie Desmarais’s blog post, In Praise of The Unexceptional: Because Unschooling Doesn’t Have to Be Impressive
Iris recently went to see the play Soft Power
Iris’s blog post, Unschooling as an Asian American is an Act of Resistance
Iris’s Facebook page, Untigering: Adventures of a deconstructing Tiger Mother and Facebook group, Untigering Parents
Iris on Twitter, @untigeringmom
Episode Transcript
July 4, 2018
EU131: Deschooling with Maria Randolph
Maria Randolph’s unschooled daughter is now twenty, which gives her a great perspective to look back on her own deschooling, It was a fascinating journey! We talk about what she found to be one of the most challenging areas to deschool, regret and how it can get in the way, her journey through the question, “But how will they learn math?” and lots more!
Questions for Maria
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
What was the most challenging area of deschooling for you? And how did you work your way through it?
Sometimes it can take us a while to work through our issues before unschooling really begins to flow in our lives. And that can leave us dealing with feelings of regret. Was that your experience? And if so, how did you move through that?
As people are deschooling, it’s pretty common for them to be asking lots of questions, often phrased as, “But how will they …?”—fill in the blank with their current pressing concern. I thought we’d tackle a couple of them today. Let’s start with, “But how will they learn algebra?”
Another common one is, “But how will they learn to work in a group?”
With your official unschooling years behind you, looking back, what has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Maria is an admin for the Facebook group, Unschooling Q & A
Episode Transcript
June 27, 2018
EU130: Dismantling Shame with Ronnie Maier
Ronnie Maier has two daughters now in their twenties, who unschooled after leaving school in the early grades—plus a niece who has stayed with them part-time over the years. In a fun twist, Ronnie was the working parent while her husband Frank was the at-home unschooling parent. Ronnie has shared her family’s unschooling experience for many years, both on her blog and speaking at the Life is Good unschooling conference. I really appreciated her joining me on the podcast to deep dive into the challenges of shame.
Questions for Ronnie
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
Your children are older now, can you share a glimpse with us of what they’re up to?
Now let’s dive into our topic: dismantling shame. Shame is very popular tool of control, especially in the conventional parenting toolbox. Let’s talk for a moment about why we even want to do the hard work of removing it from our lives. How does the shame that we experienced as kids get in the way of unschooling? How can it hurt our relationships with our kids?
As we talk about so often on the podcast, when we find ourselves facing a challenge, the first step is often to dig into the roots of the issue. Can you share with us some of the roots of shame? Where do our feelings of shame come from?
The next step that can be helpful as we work to dismantle shame in our lives is to begin to recognize the kinds of situations that trigger feelings of shame for us, right now. It helps to know when shame might be clouding our vision, doesn’t it? Do you have examples or tips you can share with us about this step?
Now that we’ve identified the roots of our shame, and are starting to recognize situations that trigger our shame, what are some tools we can use to help us begin to heal from shame?
Looking back, what has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Ronnie’s spoken numerous times at the Life is Good unschooling conference
Byron Katie’s exercise, called “the work”
Christine Kane talks about becoming an imperfectionist
Unschooling moms Laura Endres and Colleen Paeff are embarking on a project called Second Best Self on Instagram.
We talked about the work of Brene Brown and Amanda Palmer
Ronnie’s Blog of the Zombie Princess
Episode Transcript
June 20, 2018
EU129: Starting Unschooling as a Teen with Noah Tetzner
Noah Tetzner is seventeen, left school last fall, and it was not long before he was passionately unschooling. We talk about his transition from school to unschooling, what excites him about unschooling, the podcast he’s now had time to start, his advice for new unschooling parents and lots more.
Questions for Noah
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
You were homeschooled before going to private school for grades 9 to 11, and you left school last fall. What led up to that choice? What kind of conversations did you have with your parents about it?
What were you envisioning for yourself when you left school? Had you heard of unschooling at that point?
What were your first weeks and months like? How did you find the transition from school to being in control of your days?
Nowadays, you’re passionate about unschooling. What excites you the most about it?
You host a podcast as well! Can you share the story of how that came about?
And lastly, what piece of advice would you like to share with unschooling parents who are just starting out on this journey?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Clark Aldrich’s book, Unschooling Rules: 55 Ways to Unlearn What We Know About Schools and Rediscover Education
Noah’s podcast website, The History of Vikings
And you can follow him on Twitter
Episode Transcript
June 13, 2018
EU128: Reluctant Spouse to Unschooling Advocate with Zach & Heather Lake
Zach and Heather Lake join me this week to talk about Zach’s journey from reluctant spouse to unschooling advocate. Heather has been on the podcast before taking about her deschooling journey, and after the episode she mentioned that her husband has had quite the journey as well. It occurred to me that it would be interesting to have them on together to talk about his journey from both their perspectives. We talk about how Zach learned about unschooling, how Heather shared information with him, which ways he found most helpful, Zach’s most memorable a-ha moment, how unschooling feels right now for both them, and lots more.
Questions for Zach and Heather
Can you give us a quick re-introduction to you and your family?
Homeschooling was initially Gavin’s idea, right? What were each of your initial reactions to the idea?
Heather, how did you go about learning about homeschooling and unschooling?
Zach, how were you learning about homeschooling and unschooling? Was it mostly through Heather?
Heather, as you shared unschooling information with Zach, which seemed to be the most helpful ways to go about it?
Zach, was that your experience as well? What were some of the most useful ways you learned more about unschooling? Reading? Conversations? Observing your children in action? Was there anything that got in the way?
Zach, can you share your biggest a-ha moment? That moment when a valuable piece of the unschooling puzzle fell into place and your understanding took a big leap?
How does unschooling feel for each of you now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Heather’s previous podcast episode, EU101: Deschooling with Heather Lake
Heather’s Facebook page, Learning at the Lake House
And if you’re unschooling in Omaha, check out Heather’s Facebook group, Omaha Unschoolers
Episode Transcript
June 6, 2018
EU127: The Magic of Unschooling with Ann Rousseau
Ann Rousseau and her partner Tim have been unschooling their three boys for about seven years. Ann and I have a fascinating conversation, digging into how her family came to unschooling, moving through fear and discomfort, the many ways curiosity drives their days, her documentary about her experience of alopecia, and lots more.
Questions for Ann
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
As we’re deschooling, and beyond, one thing that can be especially hard is sitting with discomfort and fear to learn what we need to move through it—that seemingly gaping chasm between knowing what we don’t want to do and figuring out what we do want to do instead. Change is hard. What have you found helpful during those times?
You have three boys, and Kelly Callahan, who was on the podcast a few months ago, describes your home as “unschooling magic.” I’d love to hear about how you approach your days with an eye to cultivating a thriving unschooling atmosphere.
What has surprised you most so far about how unschooling has unfolded in your lives?
You’ve created a film with Nicolle Littrell called Mop Cap: An Alopecia Story, about your experience of alopecia and self-acceptance. I watched the trailers on the website and was especially struck by your words: “I don’t think bald people must be publicly bald to prove a point. But for those of us who are called to do so, it is a kind of LOVE activism. Loving yourself is an act of beauty and it’s contagious.” They connected deeply with me and how it feels to go about living our unschooling lives out and about in public. I’d love to hear how you see your alopecia and unschooling journeys weaving together.
Right now, what’s your favourite thing about your unschooling lifestyle?
Links to things mentioned in the show
podcast episode about David Howe’s book, Attachment across the Lifecourse
Sandra Dodd’s Big Book of Unschooling
Ann’s website: annhedleyrousseau.com
The website for Ann’s documentary, Mop Cap : An Alopecia Story
Episode Transcript
May 30, 2018
EU126: Q&A Round Table
This month, Anna Brown and I treat you to an extra long Q&A episode as we finish up the remaining questions! We dive into questions around the challenge of deschooling while holding tight to your fears, engaging with the unschooling community before having kids of your own, the decision to unschool, the transformational impact of shifting our mindset from balance to flow, the ideas of talent and practice, homeschooling regulations, deschooling around weight and physical activity, and the back and forth of being in the moment vs planning ahead with three little ones.
Listener Questions
Anna’s Question (from the UK)
Hello! My name is Anna and I have 2 children, a boy aged 7 and a girl aged 6. We live in the UK. I am a primary teacher and my husband is a teacher, as were both my parents! I have read a lot about unschooling and REALLY enjoy your podcasts, and my husband and I really see the positive points of unschooling and feel drawn to trying it out, but it feels extremely challenging. We started our home schooling journey a year ago. My son did not do well academically at school, although he enjoyed some of it, and this is the reason we took them both out. He gets extremely focused on one thing (we think he may be ASD) and does not tend to be interested in anything else, for months and even years. Can an ASD child self-regulate? He spends most of his time sitting reading History books, is an introvert and also wants to watch a lot of TV which I am uncomfortable with. He often does not want to go outside at all.
My daughter however, is an extrovert (as am I) and loves activities and going out. They have always had a difficult relationship (only 13 months age difference) and this is getting worse. Son sits and reads and hardly plays with her any more and I think she misses playing with him. She was upset a couple of nights ago saying she misses school, more precisely playing with groups of friends and doing “proper learning” (her words), and she misses doing learning “like school.” She has asked if we can do handwriting and maths worksheets together. I tried this yesterday but when presented with the worksheets she doesn’t want to do them!
We live in a small house with a tiny garden and haven’t found many other home schooling families we are all keen on. I myself am feeling quite lonely and confused and am struggling to find joy in this journey. I can’t help thinking it would be easier with a dog, a big garden, etc but money is very tight on one income.
I am trying so hard but sometimes find myself getting so angry, for example I tried letting them watch as much tv as they wanted the other day, and they watch it ALL day. I wandered around feeling at a loose end and did what you recommend, sitting with them etc but it was just so boring! Then when tv had to go off for dinner my son had a tantrum. We were all left definitely NOT feeling joy. They ask for TV when they wake up, I tried that early in the year but it led to my son getting up super early and him grumpy and tired for the rest of the day, so now the first thing I say every morning is NO! I am not doing very well at this am I!! Please help, I have some much personal deschooling to do but it is so hard I feel I can barely do it and with 2 children who are so different and the associated guilt and feeling sorry for my daughter is very hard! Despite all this I am very sure it is ultimately the right path.
Thanks so much.
Loretta’s Question (from Philadelphia, US)
Hello! I have been an alternative educator of sorts my whole life. Either on the road or with my friend’s children, I always have people using me as a resource for finding interesting opportunities for their lives. Naturally unschooling was attractive to me for that reason.
As someone who doesn’t have children yet, but plans to adopt and/or have children in the future, how can I integrate myself into the unschooling culture now? I have always been a researcher and planner, and through my work I find that this type of schooling would fit best for my life and the skills I would like to pass on to my (future) children. As a child myself, I went to public school during the day and was homeschooled at night, so I can see both sides of the coin.
However, there are amazing new opportunities like world schooling and deschooling. I am almost obsessed with the idea of traveling with kids, especially teenagers. I want to explore and learn, but would it be weird for me to show up at these conferences or even sending you questions as a person without children yet? I’m not sure and don’t want to seem weird or out of place I guess. Otherwise thank you for being a great resource so far.
Talya’s Question (from Montreal, Canada)
What do you do when you know that unschooling is the best path for your child but you don’t feel like you have the emotional, financial or time resources to truly follow what is calling? I am an artist – a poet and theatre performer and creator and highly passionate about what I do. I have no desire to be a SAHM. I also have a teaching degree and went to an alternative arts school and am happy to follow intuitive, child-led, natural learning. But I can’t find the balance at this point.
My son is incredibly self-directed, knows exactly what he loves to do, but also has SPD (a sensory processing disorder) making all group settings and classes difficult for him (to say the least). He is highly intelligent, but when he tries to even take a music lesson (begs for violin lessons and has since age 3) he finds it terrifying and wants to flee. I feel like I am never enough to support him. And I feel like I am failing him. I want to walk this path alongside him, but quite simply feel I can’t. It seems to me like a full-time job to support a child this curious, alert, high needs and in some ways, special needs, and I am worried I will not be able to find a balance and make us both happy. He is 5.5.
Rachel’s Question (from Louisiana, US)
I am writing because I struggle with feeling like I am not present enough for my children. We have been unschooling for a couple years. I was a stay at home parent when they were both little. Then when my youngest child was 19 months I went back to work. I was exhausted physically and emotionally due to many, many years of sleep deprivation. Going back to work was a breeze compared to staying at home! However, being away from my kids all day made me realize that I missed that lifestyle (and them!) and I knew that I definitely wanted to homeschool/unschool with them for the long haul. Work seemed meaningless compared to the joy of being with them.
So, I decided to quit my job again and figure out a way to nourish myself enough that I could happily and energetically unschool with them. They are 4 and 7 years old now. I can see that things are becoming less demanding of my energy as my kids get older. They don’t wake up as much anymore, so that is a huge help. However I keep trying to find balance and focus. It would be much easier for me to find balance and stay present if I didn’t have this burning desire to cultivate my own passions. I am an artist and I also keep trying to work on writing some children’s books. Oftentimes I wonder how other homeschooling and unschooling moms or dads make sure to balance their own needs and desires with that or their children’s.
I don’t seem to be able to start working on something while my children are awake. I can’t find focus enough to break away and do my own projects. I will start doing all these mindless things like organize a room or clean something, when I really want to be painting or writing. I have played around with waking up early to paint. When I do that I can easily focus with the house so quiet and so little distractions. It can only be 3 minutes of creativity for me, but it sets the day up to be beautiful and present. I am so content and present with my children when I first have that time to myself. And I try to wake up early more to give myself that time, but then I am tired or someone woke me up at night and I just couldn’t find the energy to wake early again. So, basically I am feeling stuck because I found this great solution, however I can’t seem to realistically put it into practice. I need so much sleep to be happy and healthy. I have never been the type of person who can go with less than 8 hours of sleep.
Also, it’s not that my children require me to entertain them during the day. They have always been able to get deeply engaged in play. I think the problem is with me! But I can’t seem to figure out a solution. Thoughts? I get a lot of inspiration and guidance from your books and blog. I’d love to know how you were able to be present for your kids and devote time to your passion of writing as well.
Sincerely, Rachel
LATER, SHE WROTE IN AGAIN:
I wanted to send in an update. A few weeks ago I sent in a question for your podcast. A few days after, I listened to one of your older podcasts as I often do. It was a q&a podcast, and the person was asking how to balance her two kids needs. Well, one of your co-hosts responded how she does not think about balance, but thinks about flow. I have started doing this and it has transformed me!! I am feeling so much better about our days and am really better able to see things more clearly. Thank you so much for all that you do for unschoolers!
However if you have anything to add about finding success with nurturing your own creative pursuits while nurturing your kids, I would be all ears.
Sincerely, Rachel
Maddy’s Question (from TaiWan)
I am Maddy from TaiWan. My son has been a unschooler for 10 years. He is 16 now. I’ve been brought up in a very conservative education system and I didn’t like it, that’s the reason when my son asked me to unschool him at home when he was a first grader. I was afraid but I knew I had to do something to help him. We started from homeschooling and then to unschooling. He is interested in computer games and music. He’s got the talent in music. The problem I am encountered right now is that he knows that he has the talent in music and he likes his classical guitar teacher very much but he only practices the music spontaneously. When we talk about this and he said he knows that he has time-controlling problem, but he hasn’t found the way of controlling it yet. And he went back to his computer again. I know he has learnt a lot more than we can imagine through reddit, games, youtube…etc.
My question is: Most of the school students or those children who learns the discipline to practice for a certain amount of time. Even though they are not happy to do so most of the time, once they form the habit to do it, they will eventually experience the abundant fruits and have the chance to be the master of this field. That also brings them confident, isn’t it? But somehow when I do the research of the unschoolers’s when it comes to the achievement, of course they can live happily if they are satisfy with their life. I guess I am just thinking too much for their adulthood future cause we’re living in an eastern society. ><
Thank you very much for your time.
Dee’s Question (from Tennessee, US)
I just started homeschooling , and also just moved (TN) so we had to submit what we were going to school. But that isn’t working so, how do I start unschooling without getting in trouble?
Anonymous Question
I am firmly supportive of my kids and their choice of activities, I play with them, we are a radical unschooling family who has few if any issues with kids having agency over their choices.
One struggle that still remains even though we’ve deschooled so many over the years is how to create an environment that supports regular physical activity in all of our kids. Our daughter does an exervise class weekly and is quite active, one of her brothers is not as active but will get outside to do things periodically, but specifically we have a child who seems to be becoming more interested in eating foods that fuel him well, yet still tends toward high carb options more often than not and it’s made him overweight and a Dr would say obese. I have prepped foods he likes (cut peppers, broccoli, cut lettuce, fruits of choice) and he will eat those readily, but more often than not, he asks me to make calorie dense foods like Macaroni Salad, and Goulash, Chicken Picatta, Meatloaf/mashed potatoes, and Potato Salad. When these foods are made and in the house, he will eat them through in 1 or 2 days — that means 2 pounds of pasta in two days!!
He also loves Ramen, but has it only 1 time a week because we’ve discussed that it shouldn’t be a daily food. He only drinks sugar soda when we go to a restaurant these days and he recognizes the sugar content of soda. I am also asked to go out and get chicken fingers or tuna clubs, Chipotle burritos (of which he’ll eat twoO) or rice and refried beans. When he is eating, his hunger cues tend to be slow to signal as he can eat large quantities of food at a sitting (4 bowls of goulash, 2 chipotle burritos, etc.) Although he does mention to me when he is not hungry at times (outside of eating a meal). Over the years I’ve observed him having a sensory relationship to food and he has tended to food jag often – where he’ll be eating all of one thing and then be off it for months, then on to something else.
Snacking late at night is also an issue. He often has crackers and apple sauce and cereal, various bars, and chips in various stages of being eaten next to his bed – as he watches videos before falling asleep. My husband thinks that his odd sleep/wake schedule affects his circadian rhythms and really thinks we need to actively step in to help him control his behaviors. I know that I need to be better about providing healthier options and make them more readily available – but seriously the volume of food is large and it is hard to stock up for long and with the jags, I can stock up and essentially throw away all that food because he’s moved on.
FWIW, we live in the Northeast so winter tends to have us indoors more often than not. We also live just outside Boston in a neighborhood with few other children, so there is little daily incentive to jump outside for activites. The child of which I speak does not like to be over hot, so he only likes going outside in Spring and fall when it’s cool.
What we have done to make physical activity choices easy and accessible: trampoline, swings, offers of walks uptown in good weather, outdoor play stuff = zip line, swingset, local parks (although less interested in these now), park days (not so interesting), jump ropes, C2 Rower, med balls, weights, standing desks, ergo seats. We have yard games, bows and arrows, basketball hoop, fire pit, and I’ve started buying yard gems like cornhole and ladder ball, stuff like that.
I guess I’m looking to hear from parents who have had kids who when given freedom of choice have ended up heavier than just (a little fat here and there) and who may be concerned about the potential for diabetes. I am fearful to bring him into a pediatrician because of the potential to make him overly self-conscious of his body. I’m sure that they would suggest imposing a nutritional plan (diet) on him and I am not sure that aligns with RU (at least i have to understand how to present this idea in an RU way)
He is open to exercise, he is open to suggestions on food – but I don’t think he knows how to change his behavior and I sit in inaction because I dont’ want to create a worse issue by making him have issues around food, yet seeing the bad that comes from not having guidance here — overweight and incapable of sustaining walking or any physical activity for long out of fatigue or pain.
I would welcome any ideas as to how to approach this. I have place one of my favorite pictures of this son from when he was 3 yrs old and smiling on my computer backdrop so I could shift my energy when I see him to seeing that wonderful smiling kiddo full of vim and vigor… that has helped immensely in my interactions with him, but I still have no idea how to tackle this in a way that supports him vs. controls his choices seems to run a fine line.
Thanks
Jane’s Question (from Johannesburg, South Africa)
From the start of our parenting journey, my husband and I have both been committed to instinctive, attachment parenting. Just before my daughter turned 1, we came across the philosophy of unschooling, which led us to investigate and start applying radical unschooling principles to our everyday lives. My daughter is now 2 and her little brother is 7 months old. We also share our days with our housekeeper’s son, who was born only 2 days after my daughter, so it’s almost like having toddler twins running around!
I listen to the old episodes of the podcast every day and I have found such amazing value from your perspective, especially with the Q&A episodes where you all give different opinions. The running theme of connection really resonates with me, and I see it playing out daily – whenever I experience conflict or frustration with the children, it is when I have allowed our connection to slip for a moment. I KNOW that the secret to connection (and joy in general) is mindfulness and being present to the moment at hand.
What I’m struggling with – and what I’d love to get your input on – is how to balance mindful presence with the necessary planning and preparation that is part of daily life with three little ones. I try to join them in their flow, and I’ve made a mind-map of sorts to help me figure out things we can do together, e.g. I can hang laundry when the toddlers want to jump on the trampoline. The obstacle I’m facing is that I need to think a few steps ahead (when to work in diaper changes/prep snacks before they get hangry/get the baby into a quiet space when he’s ready to nap/etc.) so that I can put things in place to help them do the next thing they’re interested in (prepare art supplies/keep an eye on them when they want to roam outside/etc.).
This constant thinking ahead makes it difficult for me to stay in the moment and connected to their perspective, because it seems like there’s always another thing that needs to be done (specifically for the kids, I’ve let go of my personal hobbies like sewing and such for now). The preparation is also often wasted – by the time I manage to facilitate what they want to do, their interest has been grabbed by something else. Any advice?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Join Pam, Anne, and Anna at the Childhood Redefined Unschooling Summit
Pam’s blog series on deschooling
Podcast episode 120 with Erin Human
Check out Blake Boles
Pam’s blog post, What is Behind a Typical Unschooling Day?
Pam’s first book, Free to Learn, and her latest book, The Unschooling Journey
Podcast episode 110 with Alan Marshall
Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com
Episode Transcript
May 23, 2018
EU125: Challenges on the Unschooling Journey
This week on the podcast, we have the first compilation episode! I gathered clips from fourteen different episodes where I asked some version of this question: “What has been one of the more challenging aspects for you on your unschooling journey?”
I think it’s fascinating to hear them side by side, but I’d love to know what you think. Please let me know in the comments whether you enjoyed it and if you would like to see some more compilation episodes on the podcast in the future.
Audio Snippets Taken from These Episodes …
[TIME: 6:07] EU009: Ten Questions with Amy Childs
[TIME: 8:53] EU018: Ten Questions with Jennifer McGrail
[TIME: 14:22] EU022: Ten Questions with Lainie Liberti
[TIME: 20:26] EU027: Ten Questions with Teresa Graham Brett
[TIME: 23:56] EU036: Deschooling with Lauren Seaver
[TIME: 25:09] EU041: Unschooling Dads & Board Games with Jamie Maltman
[TIME: 36:39] EU079: Unschooling Dads with Dan Cadzow
[TIME: 38:35] EU088: Deschooling – A Year Later, with Jennie Gomes
[TIME: 42:47] EU089: Ten Questions with Jan Hunt
[TIME: 46:00] EU101: Deschooling with Heather Lake
[TIME: 53:38] EU102: The Value of Relationships with Rachel Rainbolt
[TIME: 58:32] EU105: Unschooling Dads with Nick Hess
[TIME: 1:01:47] EU106: Unschooling Connections with Kelly Callahan
[TIME: 1:05:23] EU111: Ten Questions with Jan Fortune
Episode Transcript
{ Episode image puzzle photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash }
