Pam Laricchia's Blog, page 26
February 20, 2019
EU164: Q&A with Anna and Pam
This week Anna Brown joins me to answer some questions from listeners. We talk about finding friends, letting go of worry and fear of the future, the teen years, and more. I think you’ll find some helpful nuggets no matter where you are on your unschooling journey.
Question 1
We are an Italian family. Here in Italy unschooling is almost unknown and very few families practice it. Last year my older son (now 11) did his first unschooling year. It was successful. He found out his passion for wood handcrafts and enjoyed free time.
Last September our second child (6) was ready for 1st grade. We were going to unschooling both of them and I (the father) was the one taking the daily responsibility of this family choice. I felt overwhelmed to have to handle not one but twp children of different ages at the same time. Having to work, and when they asked for children to play with, we decided to move and live where there was a solution for them. The older one, is now attending two days per week a private educational project founded and managed by some parents (me included).
My question: how can you handle two or more children unschooling? So much is required!
Question 2
I’d love to hear more about unschooling teenagers. My daughter is 13 and has ASD with PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so unschooling works best for her. I love the unschooling philosophy but often have wobbles because I wonder if she is learning enough or rather, deeply enough!
I’m impressed by how much she does learn by herself but wonder if she will get enough depth on certain subjects she’s not so keen on. For example, she learns a bit of basic maths through things like baking and shopping, but how will she learn at a more advanced level? Or does it even matter?
Question 3
We are 1 month into deschooling our 15yr old son. And, I feel I’m being chased by an emotional roller coaster ~ demanding I get on board. Our once physically active son is delving deep into fortnite gaming—and into the wee hours of the night. My husband and I cannot differentiate between this as an addiction or a new passion and we are unraveling.
Our son, has always been a MONO-focused fella regarding his interests but, in the past, those were all outdoor activities that my husband and I admired. Now, today, I recognize we are deeply lacking faith and trust and that we have projected this emotion more than I’d like to admit. We’ve been living a middle of the road semi alternative lifestyle between early elementary where my son first felt and said: I’m not smart. From that point we dove into 3rd and 4th grade homeschooling and then at our son’s request, entered back into four years of public school until now.
It’s hard to have faith when your child’s uninterested in what we view as worthy. The fact that he ONLY wants to game right now—and stays up till 4am if we let him—makes us want to jump off a cliff. We are certainly in need of finding some like minds in this journey and only wish there were people in our own community to lean on. Any resources you can turn us on to would be deeply appreciated.
Truly, we want to have faith and patience in the journey toward committing to unschooling but find that we are impatient and feel we accept the journey intellectually but feel spiritually challenged by it.We can’t help but want to manage his gaming, bedtime and eating habits but feel that every time we open our mouths with desire to direct him we are defeating the purpose of allowing the momentum toward him finding his own motivation and self care.
Question 4
There are two aspects that are starting to worry me a bit nevertheless and I appreciate this opportunity to ask specific questions.
I have two children, my son is 5 and my daughter 3 years old. My son is very shy and quiet around new people and larger groups. He loves being with friends and family and is very social amongst them, and also needs a lot of time at home to read, draw or play with Lego. There are no other kids his age in our neighborhood and friends don’t live nearby, we only manage to see them about once a week. So far, he seems to be happy the way things are but I do notice that after meeting friends he is even more content and balanced.
So, I have started wondering whether school might be an opportunity for him to make friends because he might benefit to be around the same people every day and thus building trust and getting to know them. He is not the type of person to chat up other kids at the playground and he is not interested in attending any sports club or other structured/weekly activities. Also, our friends with kids around that age are getting busier now that their kids are all starting in school (which is “compulsory” from 6 years on).
We have been attending meet ups at a park with our local unschooling community, but he does not enjoy these meetings very much and has not made friends there, either. I am wondering how he will be able to develop friendships without this continuous contact with the same group of people. (Basically, all of this applies to my daughter, too. I see that her personality is a little different, though, and her getting a bit older I can imagine her attending clubs/courses and finding friends there.)
This leads me into my second question: Apart from the “friends topic” I am so confident that unschooling is the right choice for us! I am loving to observe the kids explore their interests and games their own way. It is so fascinating. I would love to continue like that.
However, we live in Europe, Austria and the legal situation here does not completely allow for unschooling. Children who do not attend school need to take exams once a year from the age of six, based on the Austrian curriculum. In these exams they will have to prove that their base of knowledge is equal to that of schooled children. So, even if my children will be able to determine what to do and learn themselves for the most part of the year, come spring, I will have to make sure that the curriculum is covered. If they don’t pass the exam they will have to attend school the following school year, according to law.
Do you have any suggestions on how to keep the unschooling spirit alive in the face of this legal requirement? I am worried I will be feeling stressed and adding pressure on them and lose the great relationship we have now. It is such a joy seeing them develop their interests and exploring their questions together without having to follow any curriculum.
I am looking very much forward to hearing your ideas and opinions on these two areas. Thank you so much.
Question 5
My son is 16 and my daughter is 14, and we have been living the unschooling life since they were born (and even before that, now that I think about it). Can’t even imagine living any other way. : )
The teen years have thrown me for a bit of a loop. The emotional / developmental stuff I can handle (most days). But my faith in our unschooling life regarding ‘schooly’ things got a bit wobbly. Both kids have dyslexia in varying degrees, which affects their writing, spelling, and math skills (reading is fine). They tend to avoid anything to do with these skills, and I find myself panicking about it and doing crazy things like insisting that they go to a math tutor a couple of years ago. Yikes! Eight months of torture for all.
In spite of all of the challenges, my daughter feels that she must get her high school diploma, which she’ll start working on through our home learning program starting next fall. She loves to sew and wants to design formal wear, and for some reason feels that her “real life” can’t start until she gets that diploma.
My son is not remotely interested in schooly things; he has a lot of anxiety around academics (even before the math tutor fiasco) and basically becoming an adult. He spends his time gaming, researching gaming, reading sci-fi, watching movies, and thinking about a fantastic story that he would like to turn into a film one day. Getting his high school diploma doesn’t appeal to him at all.
So, one has anxiety about getting that piece of paper, the other about not getting it. How did this happen?! I wasn’t pushing high school, just worrying about basic skills. And I guess that they’ve picked up on that worry and may be feeling that I don’t have faith in them, which was not my intention at all.
They are both such creative and wonderful people, and I know in my heart that they can create the lives that they want for themselves, even with all of the challenges that they have. They have our love and support and lots of time to figure things out. I do miss the days when I was able to enjoy the day to day wonderfullness of living and creating our lives together without worries about their future and ‘what ifs’ keeping me up at night. I’ve had my ups and downs with feeling this way, and I’m doing my work around this. For the most part, I’m back to following my children’s leads and remaining curious and excited about this incredible journey that we’re on as a family and as individuals.
Links to things mentioned in the show
Homeschooling and unschooling in Italy
Jane McGonigal’s TED Talk: Gaming can make a better world
Everything Bad is Good For You by Steven Johnson
Podcast episodes mentioned
EU119: Gaming and Growing Up Unschooling with Xander MacSwan
EU159: Growing Up Unschooling with Max VerNooy
EU055: Living Unschooling with James and Taylor Davis
EU136: Our Unschooling Journey with Jessica Hughes
Episode Transcript
February 13, 2019
EU163: Growing Up Unschooling with Adrian Peace-Williams
Adrian Peace-Williams joins me this week! A companion conversation to last week’s episode with her mom, Adrian and I have a wonderful conversation, diving into her childhood unschooling, her choice to go to high school, her years of traveling the world after high school, where she is now in her journey, and lots more. Her understanding of who she is and what she needs is inspirational!
Questions for Adrian
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
What were some of your interests growing up and how did you pursue them?
Over the years, was there a time you found your unschooling lifestyle challenging? How did you move through that?
I know that you enjoy travelling. What is it that you love about it and can you tell us some of the trips you’ve been on?
You’re in college (university?) now and home for the holidays. What are you studying and how did you find the transition to school?
What do you appreciate most about living an unschooling lifestyle growing up?
What are your plans for the next year or two?
As a grown unschooler, what piece of advice would you like to share with unschooling parents who are just starting out on this journey?
Episode Transcript
February 6, 2019
EU162: Ten Questions with Alex Peace
Alex Peace has been one of my unschooling inspirations for many years! She has three adult children and I’m so excited that she agreed to come on the podcast to talk about her family’s unschooling experiences. We dive into what she found to be the most challenging aspect of deschooling, building trust, stretching comfort zones, how her relationships with her kids have changed now that they’re adults, and lots more.
Ten Questions for Alex
1. Can you share with us a bit about you and your family? What are your kids up to nowadays?
2. How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
3. What did you find to be the most challenging aspect of deschooling?
4. What was your husband’s journey to unschooling look like? Was this a new idea to him?
5. When it comes to unschooling, trust plays a really big role. How did you develop that deep level of trust with your children?
6. Was there a time one of your kids’ interests really stretched your comfort zone? How did you move through that?
7. What surprised you most about how unschooling unfolded in your lives?
8. As your children got older and needed less of your hands-on involvement every day, you began developing a career as an editor. In fact, you’ve edited all my books and it’s been a wonderful experience! How did that interest develop and how did you weave that work into your unschooling days?
9. Now that your children are all young adults, in what ways are your relationships the same and in what ways are they different?
10. Looking back, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?
Episode Transcript
January 30, 2019
EU161: What is Unschooling?
This week, please enjoy the audiobook edition of my intro book, What is Unschooling? Written and read by me, Pam Laricchia.
Here’s the description:
Life in the real world is much bigger and more exciting than a school can contain within its four walls. If you’re ready to embrace life and eager to share its wonder with your children, unschooling might be for you!
In What is Unschooling? we explore some of the common questions people have when they first hear about unschooling:
How will my child learn?
How do I know they’re learning?
Will unschooling work for my child?
What is deschooling?
How do I get started?
By the end of the book, you’ll have a much better idea of whether unschooling can work for your family.
You can pick up the ebook edition free directly from me or from your favourite online ebook retailer.
Links to other things mentioned in the show
What would YOU would find more helpful right now? I put together a quick form and I’d love if you could take a minute to let me know how I can better meet your needs as you navigate your unschooling journey. {I’ll leave the form up until Feb 11, 2019}
January 23, 2019
EU160: Ten Questions with Kirsten Fredericks
Kirsten Fredericks and her husband Carl have three boys—now young adults—who pretty much grew up unschooling. We have a wonderful conversation as we touch on how she found unschooling, the most challenging aspect of deschooling, supporting our children’s passions, moving from control to trust, what has surprised her most about how their unschooling lives have unfolded, and lots more.
Questions for Kirsten
1. Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
2. What did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
3. What did you find to be the most challenging aspect of deschooling?
4. What did your husband’s journey to unschooling look like?
5. I’ve known you for many years and love how you dive in to fully support your children’s diverse interests and passions. My impression is that some parents think that if a child is passionate about something, they need to take care of all aspects of it themselves from the get go or else they aren’t really as passionate about it as they say. That hasn’t been my experience, and I’d love to hear your perspective on it.
6. What has surprised you about how unschooling has unfolded in your lives?
7. Can you talk about your journey from control to trust in your relationships with your children?
8. What have you come to value most about your unschooling lifestyle over the years?
9. As our children get older, we hear the conventional societal message loud and clear that “kids need to move out of the house to prove they aren’t failures at life.” Yet, you have older children who are living in the family home. Me too! And they definitely aren’t “failing at life” by any stretch of the imagination. I’d love to hear your thoughts around that.
10. Looking back, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?
Episode Transcript
January 16, 2019
EU159: Growing Up Unschooling with Max VerNooy
Max VerNooy grew up unschooling. I’ve known Max’s family for many years, online and through unschooling gatherings, and I’m so happy he agreed to chat with me about his experience growing up unschooling. We talk about the ebb and flow of his interests through the years, his time mentoring at an unschooling summer camp, and how, looking back, the journey of following his passions led him to the fulfilling career he has now.
Questions for Max
Can you share with us a bit about your family?
As you were growing up unschooling, what were some of your interests, and how did you pursue them?
What was it that caught your interest with karate, and how did that interest grow over the years?
Diving into any passion like that helps us learn so much about ourselves, was that what you found?
You’re working full-time as a karate instructor right now. I’d just like to hear a little bit more about how you decided that you wanted to go forward with that as you were going in and out of karate as an interest.
What drew you to being a mentor at the East Tennessee Unschooled Summer Camp? What excites you about doing that?
As a grown unschooler, what piece of advice would you like to share with unschooling parents who are just starting out on this journey?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Natasha’s blog post, Technology: Trust Over Fear, and her podcast episode
ETUSC, East Tennessee Unschooled Summer Camp, hosted by Laura Bowman (for unschooling teens)
Max is on Facebook
Episode Transcript
January 9, 2019
EU158: Unschooling Book Clubs with Tracy and Erika
Tracy Talavera and Erika Ellis are unschooling moms who also host an unschooling book club! We dive into the flow of a typical meeting, going about choosing books, figuring out membership, what they’ve personally gotten out of being part of the book club, and lots more.
Questions for Tracy and Erika
Can you each share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
Can you give us an overview of your book club and an idea of the flow of a typical meeting?
You mentioned having an ice-breaker at the beginning of your meetings. I love that and would like to dive into that a bit more. What has your experience been with that aspect of your meeting? And can you share some ice-breaker examples that might help get the brainstorming juices flowing for people who might want to incorporate that with their group?
How do you choose a book? And how long does it usually take to cover a book? Like, do you usually do a book a month, do you go chapter by chapter etc—how does that flow?
Can you talk about the ins and outs of having the membership open vs being invite only? I’m thinking that, even if you start out open, as the club grows and the number of people participating in the group starts to bump up against the length of time you have for your meeting, you may end up considering shifting.
What have you personally gotten out of being part of the book club?
What’s something you love about the flow of your unschooling lives right now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
My new page for book clubs
Sandra Dodd’s website
Joyce Fetteroll’s website
The Facebook groups Tracy and Erika mentioned: UnschoolingMom2Mom, Unschooling Q&A, Radical Unschooling Info, South Miami Unschoolers
Episode Transcript
January 2, 2019
EU157: Unschooling Intentions with Sue Patterson
Sue Patterson, a long-time unschooling mom with three now-adult children, joins me to talk about unschooling intentions. I love the energy of a new year, but I’m not so keen on making resolutions. For lasting change, I need something meatier. I’ve found that when I think about the kinds of changes I’d like to see in my life through the lens of intention, it encourages me to remember my WHY. What, in the bigger picture, I am trying to move toward. This connects me with the person I want to become. It changes ME; not just my behaviour.
I hope you enjoy our conversation!
Discussion Points for Sue
What kinds of intentions might be helpful for someone who’s recently started learning about unschooling, but hasn’t yet taken the plunge? Maybe their kids aren’t school age yet, or they’re contemplating taking their kids out of school.
How about some intentions that might be particularly helpful for those parents in their first year of unschooling? They are deep into deschooling and there are challenges that often come with shifting their parenting style from control to connection.
What about unschooling parents with a few years experience? Sometimes things can be going pretty smoothly for a while and we think, “We’re done. We’ve got this unschooling thing down.” But then things change, don’t they? Always. As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. If unschooling parents find themselves here, what kinds of intentions might be helpful as they start the new year?
What kinds of fresh intentions might be helpful when you’re unschooling with teens?
Often in unschooling families there’s one adult who does the bulk of the parenting and unschooling while their partner focuses on earning a family income. We don’t want to forget about them! What kinds of new year’s intentions might help them on their unschooling journey?
What are a couple of your intentions for 2019?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Sue’s ealier podcast episodes, EU146: Common First Questions About Unschooling with Sue Patterson and EU003: Unschooling Teens with Sue Patterson
Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The Relationship Approach by Mira Kirshenbaum and Charles Foster
Sue’s UnschoolingMom2Mom website, Facebook page, Facebook group, and Instagram
Episode Transcript
December 26, 2018
EU156: Surprises on the Unschooling Journey
It’s time for another compilation episode! Let’s dive into how twelve unschooling parents answer the question, “What has surprised you most so far about how unschooling has unfolded in your lives?”
I hope you enjoy hearing what these unschooling parents had to share!
Audio Snippets Taken from These Episodes …
EU036: Deschooling with Lauren Seaver
EU051: Deschooling with Luminara King
EU067: Deschooling with Anna Black
EU093: Unschooling Dads with Robert Gottlieb
EU101: Deschooling with Heather Lake
EU105: Unschooling Dads with Nick Hess
EU110: Unschooling Dads & Music with Alan Marshall
EU127: The Magic of Unschooling with Ann Rousseau
EU134: How Unschooling Grows with Virginia Warren
EU149: Deschooling with Tatiana Plechenko
EU150: Stories of an Unschooling Family with Sue Elvis
EU154: Unschooling Dads and Documentaries with Jeremy Stuart
Episode Transcript
December 19, 2018
EU155: Let ‘Em Go Barefoot with Missy Willis
Missy Willis is an unschooling mom of two children and host of the website, Let ‘Em Go Barefoot, where she shares her personal experiences, thoughts, and research around unschooling. We dive into her journey from getting her master’s in Special Ed to unschooling, what she means by the phrase “ego-schooling,” how jumping in to help our children may actually get in their way, her favourite things about their unschooling days right now, and lots more.
Questions for Missy
Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?
How did you discover unschooling and what did your family’s move to unschooling look like?
With your master’s in Special Education and having worked in special ed classrooms, what did you find the most challenging aspect of the deschooling process to be?
You have a great blog post titled, ‘You Might Be Ego-schooling If …’ That was a new phrase for me, ego-schooling, but you described what you meant so well. Can you explain?
So, we’ve worked through the need control our children because we were defining ourselves by their actions. But there are still more layers to peel back, aren’t there. For example, we see our children trying to do something and we want to jump in and help them. It’s not about us any more; we really want to help them. But that can get in their way too, can’t it?
Your website is letemgobarefoot.com. I’d love to hear the story behind the name!
What’s your favourite thing about the flow of your unschooling days right now?
Links to things mentioned in the show
Missy’s blog post, “You might be ego-schooling if…”
Missy’s website and blog Let ‘Em Go Barefoot
Episode Transcript
