Joshua Wright's Blog, page 12
March 27, 2015
This Critical Bloodborne Review Has 17k Comments and Counting
And I think I agree with him. Go read it here. Basically, Dan Stapleton is claiming Bloodborne isn’t fun. He gets the design choices, and the reasons for them, but he simply doesn’t enjoy them. I might be with Dan on this one. I’m still stuck in Central Yarnham because I’m too stubborn to skip killing everyone. And then I end up dying. I’m also bad at remembering to go collect my previously lost BoodBucks. Anyhow, I’m going to give it some time this weekend, we’ll see how it goes.
March 26, 2015
Hey Video Game Industry, Can We Agree On A Run Button, Already?
Ok Bloodborne, I get that you want to kill me. And then kill me again. Over and over. But could you at least give me the option to see what’s about to kill me as I’m running away from the beasties, you know, like every other good video game?
The way I see it, there are four obvious ways to implement the “run” function using a six-axis type of controller:
Options 1: L3 (my personal favorite). Need to take off in a mad dash? Mash your thumb down on the same button that you are already pressing to get the hell out of danger. Many games use this option (Borderlands and Destiny comes to mind). It works. It’s always worked. It’s never stopped working.
Pros: It works, you don’t have to think about it.
Cons: ZERO. THERE ARE ZERO CONS TO THIS OPTION.
Option 2: L or R Trigger. There have a been a few games that will use this (I believe Madden did). That said, I don’t think I’ve seen this option in third-person or first person, I’d probably still prefer it over the next options, just because I can still look around as I run; an action, by the way, that I can do in real life. You know, when J starts chasing me after I steal his gold, I can glance over my shoulder and continue to run.
Pros: Can still look around.
Cons: Trigger should be saved for a more important action.
Option 3: No run ability. There seem to be some game developers out there who believe running should simply occur from the maximum push of the L joystick. This is not my favorite. Anytime I play a game like this I find myself wishing I could run, even though, I sort of am. It’s kinda like Nigel’s amp going up to eleven, if you get my drift.
Pros: It’s easy, I guess.
Cons: There’s no way to freak out and take off sprinting when you’re about to die.
Option 4: Use one of the right-thumb buttons. And this brings us back to Bloodborne, which uses the O button to run around. This is so, so, stunningly stupid that it makes me wonder if the game devs did this just to piss us off. If I recall correctly, the Batman series uses this same convention, as does inFamous (and, I admit, those are great games). This bugged the shit out of me in Batman, for the same reasons as Bloodborne. In inFamous, however, I was OK with it because the action was more of a sprint than a run, and sprinting is blazingly fast in that game–you don’t need to look behind you once you take off, in fact, you’re moving so fast you almost have to look in front of yourself. Anyhow, my point here is that it’s a dumb design decision. And just because J makes questionable decisions, like rating my new book at four stars instead of five, that doesn’t mean we all have to make questionable decisions. Instead, I can decide to implement run using L3, like every other smart game developer person ever.
Pros: None. There are absolutely no pros to using a right-thumb button to implement run.
Cons: Impossible to look around while running. Takes away an important right thumb button that could be used for something else, like auto-rating Josh’s book at five stars.
So there you have it. Screw you, Bloodborne.
March 18, 2015
Bored?
I got you covered. Watch this video of some Japanese dude playing Bloodborne:
In case you were wondering, yes, it’s all Bloodborne coverage all the time until the 24th.
You Can Buy A Copy Of Bloodborne
With your own blood. That’s just… awesome.
March 12, 2015
Bugrit! Bugrit! Millenium Hand And Shrimp!
There will be no more of Corp. C.W. St. J. Nobbs’ petty theivery
nor Havelock Lord Vetinari’s benvolent tyranny (well, except if you’re a street mime, in which case it’s straight to the scorpion pit with you)
No more of C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s sausages will be sold (now half price, and that’s cutting me own throat)
No more shall Granny Weatherwax practice headology to get her way
No more retrophrenology will be performed (which is based on the following logic: if the lumps on your skull can tell you about your personality, then modifying those lumps, with, say, a blunt intrument will modify your personality. Right?)
No more games of Cripple Mr. Onion will be played.
No more evil do’ers will be caught by Sam Vimes.
No more of Nanny Ogg’s off color jokes.
No more accidental prevention of apocoli (apocolypses?) by Rincewind while he is trying to run away.
No more clacks will be sent.
No more of Foul Ol’ Ron’s indeciperable gibberish
Nor his infamous pre-arriving stench
Nor his talking mouth dog’s collection of fleas
No more of Moist Von Lipwig’s cons
No more of Tiffany Aching’s perspicacity. Actually – I lie. His last, unpublished book is supposed to be a T.A. book.
No more will the time monks siphon time from those who have no need of it to direct it where it will do the most good.
No one will ever again forget rule No 1.
No more Ephebian Philosophers
No more will the Djelbi pyramid store time
No more of the phrophet Brutha’s simple ways
No more of his god, the great god Om (presently in the embarrased condition of being trapped as a turtle)
No more rats will be caught by Wee Mad Arthur
No more games of Thud will be played
No longer will the Death of Rats usher his furry flock into the afterlife
No more will the Things from the dungeon dimensions seek entry
No more banannas will be eaten by the Librarian
No more Unseen University
No more victims of Anhk-Morpork’s deadly district, the Shades.
No more drinks will be quaffed at the Mended Drum.
Twoflower will never again go on vacation.
No more customers for Mrs. Palms’ ladies of negotiable affection (AKA the “Seamstress’s Guild”)
No more licenced theivery
The glass clock of Bad Schushein will never be rebuilt
No more will the luggage terrorize
No more quasi-latin phrases, EG “Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.”
No more Igors rendering helpful services
In short, no more Discworld, for Terry Pratchett has died.
I have, I think, probably read more words written by Terry Pratchett than by any other author. Certainly if you count them each time I have read them. The man had the unique ability to satirize not just the genre he was writing in (Fantasy novels,) but also the world at the same time. And somehow, while doing so, wrote some of the best fantasy available. He’s also well know for how he could turn a phrase. Here’s a selection of my favorites:
“It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you’re attempting can’t be done. A person ignorant of the possibility of failure can be a halfbrick in the path of the bicycle of history.”
“The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.”
” The current Patrician … He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overwhelming majority of citizens. †
† The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit.”
“Rincewind stared into the frothy remnants of his last beer, and then, with extreme care in case the top of his head fell off, leaned down and poured some into a saucer for the Luggage. It was lurking under the table, which was a relief. It usually embarrassed him in bars by sidling up to drinkers and terrorizing them into feeding it crisps.”
” No one is more worried by the actual physical manifestation of a god than his priests; it’s like having the auditors in unexpectedly.”
“Ptraci didn’t just derail the train of thought, she ripped up the rails, burned the stations and melted the bridges for scrap.”
“The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.”
“There was a thoughtful pause in the conversation as the assembled Brethren mentally divided the universe into the deserving and the undeserving, and put themselves on the appropriate side.”
“‘I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people,’ said the man [Vetinari]. ‘You are wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.’
”
“Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.”
“Interestingly enough, the gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that’s where they think they deserve to go. Which they won’t do if they don’t know about it. This explains why it is important to shoot missionaries on sight.”
“You can’t go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it’s just a cage.”
“Many feel they are called to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, ‘It’s indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you want to be a ploughman like your father?'”
“The Ephebians believed that every man should have the vote †. Every five years someone was elected to be Tyrant, provided he could prove that he was honest, intelligent, sensible, and trustworthy. Immediately after he was elected, of course, it was obvious to everyone that he was a criminal madman and totally out of touch with the view of ordinary philosopher in the streets looking for a towel. And then five years later they elected another one just like him, and really it was amazing how intelligent people kept on making the same mistakes.
†Provided that he wasn’t poor, foreign, nor disqualified by reason of being mad, frivolous, or a woman”
“That’s why it’s always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it’s all Is Truth Beauty and Is Beauty Truth, and Does A Falling Tree in the Forest Make A Sound if There’s No one There to Hear It, and then just when you think they’re going to start dribbling one of ‘em says, Incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy’s ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles.”
“Fear is a strange soil. Mainly it grows obedience like corn, which grows in rows and makes weeding easy. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.”
“Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”
“In the Second Scroll of Wen the Eternally Surprised a story is written concerning one day when the apprentice Clodpool, in a rebellious mood, approached Wen and spake thusly:
“Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?”
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: “A fish!”
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.”
“Then you have The Story of the Emperor Who Had No Clothes.
But if you knew a bit more, it would be The Story of the Boy Who Got a Well-Deserved Thrashing from His Dad for Being Rude to Royalty, and Was Locked Up.”
“Sometimes Tiffany thought she was just a method of moving boots around.”
“Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.”
“You had to admire the way perfectly innocent words were mugged, ravished, stripped of all true meaning and decency, and then sent to walk the gutter for Reacher Gilt, although “synergistically” had probably been a whore from the start”
“When I’m old I shall wear midnight, she’d decided. But for now she’d had enough of darkness.”
March 10, 2015
Final Fantasy XIV News — Heavensward
Lots of news in the world of Eorzea lately. J and I stopped playing FFXIV late last summer, and since then, the game has jumped from roughly two million subscribers to four million. So, apparently J and I can no longer refer to FFXIV as a niche MMO. the game has also continued to release all kinds of new content including some kind of card game, which will certainly raise the nerd-cred of the game, as if it needed any raising.
The FFXIV team also recently announced a new–huge–expansion coming in June of this year called Heavensward. Heavensward will bring new storylines to the game, and new jobs. Playable area will be 1.5x the size of the (already quite large) current playable area. Oh, and your chocobo can fly. Did I mention this? Let me repeat: you can mount and fly on a chocobo up to the floating city in the sky. Check out the article, lots of good nerd-nuggets in there.
Anyhow, all of this news, coupled with the fact that I read somewhere that FFXIV supports remote play on the Vita well (which is something I find myself using more and more), may have caused me to restart my account. I say may have when I really mean did. Even though I have approximately five minutes a week to play a stupid Japanese MMORPG. But dammit, I’m going to spend those five minutes chatting with Momodi in the Quicksand and dreaming of leveling to the point where I can have a flying chocobo.
Did I mention chocobos can get airborn? Sigh…
March 6, 2015
Japanese Anime Cuddle Pillow
So, this isn’t creepy at all:
Yeesh. More details on Anime News Network. Details such as Makuake’s response of “What if I start loving you even more than I already do?” when you rub her special parts. Yick. I need to go bathe in Purell now.
March 4, 2015
Paul Allen Locates Wreck Of The WWII Japanese Ship Musashi
Which, along with it’s sister ship, the Yamato, was the largest and most technologically advanced battleship in the Pacific. See here. And yes, the Yamato is the vessel from “Space Battleship Yamato,” the 70’s anime. So what is Paul Allen really up to? He says he “intend[s] to work with the Japanese government to ensure the site is treated respectfully and in accordance with Japanese traditions.” So… he’s going to turn it into a space faring vessel and battle aliens with it? Because that would be the traditional Japanese thing to do under the circumstances.
