Ryan Holiday's Blog, page 38

Sloppy and Obnoxious

Listen to them with their chatter of far off places. Look at them with their luxury cars and expensive clothes. Always talking, talking, talking.

They’d like you to think they’ve got it all worked out, wouldn’t they? Just don’t look past the self-absorption, banality, and their deliberate little place at the center of attention.

Instead, think about what they are so often not: respectful or interesting. When Seneca writes that “slavery resides beneath marble and gold,” he leaves out the other attribute: stupidity. It makes you soft and sloppy and obnoxious. Don’t even get started whether they’re happy (actually do the math on the numbers these guys are throwing around)

We like to say with smug satisfaction “nobody lies on their deathbed and says, ‘I wish I’d worked more.’ Well, nobody really says “I’m SO glad I spent all that time skiing” either. Those things don’t matter either–they aren’t happiness or meaning. And in fact, they may be more dangerous because they feel like they do.

When we are young or inexperienced, we envy these people–or at least a part of us does. We unconsciously think we are supposed to be like them. The idea is to own a Rolex right? And be able to talk about what Abu-Dhabi is like, of course.

Or is it? What if the idea is to actually like yourself and the work you do enough that you don’t feel the subconscious desire to flitter around all the time. What if you don’t talk about yourself or (talk that much period) because you’re thinking about important things? What if the idea is to feel better in simple dress, to have no problem with a coach seat even if you could afford otherwise. The more I think about it, yeah, that’s the idea. That you may suffer less the less insufferable you are.

Announcing My First Book: “Trust Me I’m Lying” and the Preorder Campaign

Well, the time is finally here. I can announce my first book: Trust Me, I’m Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator (website)

I’ve never spoken about what I do for a living on my site, but the book reveals all that. I am a media manipulator for billion dollar brands to #1 New York Times bestselling authors. For the first time, I expose all the secrets of my profession, analyze why it exists and ultimately, what it means for the world in which we live. It’s a book deeply rooted in history and research, along with my first-person experiences. I didn’t want this to be some toothless, condescending book of media criticism. I name names in it, and I show where the bodies are buried—because I put many of them there. Ultimately, it’s not just a book about marketing but about strategy, culture and media.

Its release will be incredibly controversial, as you can see from the early coverage. GalleyCat reported my advance was as high as $500,000. Gawker predicted it would “easily be both the best and the worst book of the year.” Edward Jay Epstein was kind enough to say it should be “required reading for every thinker in America.” Trust me, there will me more of this praise (and hatred) to come.

My offer to you:

After more than 3 years of research and a year of writing and editing, I can safely say this is the best work I have done thus far in my life. I hope to share that with you—and any success that might come along with it. Because you have been loyal readers of this blog for so long and helped me with many of ideas I’ve developed, I wanted to do more than just ask you to buy a copy. I want to make it more than worth your while. I also want to hit the New York Times Bestseller list (which requires preorders since they all count for the first weeks sales). Getting on the bestseller list is my dream and since I’ve never liked preordering books myself, I wanted to go way over the top to motivate you to make that happen.

If you preorder 1 copy of the book before July 19th, I’ll send you:

1 Supplementary ebook (the 9 Tactics of a Media Manipulator), which you’ll get a month before the rest of the public.

1 private/confidential case study explaining my million-plus impression media stunt involving Tucker Max.

If you preorder 3 copies (to give away to two friends), I’ll send you:

1 Supplementary ebook (the 9 Tactics of Manipulating Blogs), which you’ll get a before the rest of the public.

1 private/confidential case study explaining my million-plus impression media stunt involving Tucker Max.

1 private/confidential case study explaining how I dominated the news cycle for nearly a week with my plan to name a Planned Parenthood Clinic after Tucker.

1 private/confidential copy of the Marketing Reading List (required books and articles) that I pour over with each hire I train.

Against the advice of many, I’ve decided to do another offer, one that requires more pre-orders but I think offers quite a bit of value:

If you preorder 9 copies of the book (to give to friends/co-workers) before July 1st:

On top of all of the above, I will do a private 30 minute one-on-one call (Skype or Google Hangout) with you. In this call, we can talk about whatever you want, be it books or strategy or marketing. I’ve done a handful of these already with subscribers to my reading list and so far I’ve helped craft successful book proposals, developed full marketing campaigns, gone over business plans and chatted about philosophy. My usual rate for a call or mastermind like this is minimum $500-$1,000, often times much more. So there it is, more than $1000 copies for the price of less than ten books on Amazon.

Preorder 1 Copy, Get 2 ebook casestudies/ebooks

Preorder 3 copies, Get 4 casestudies/ebooks

Preorder 9 copies, Get 4 casestudies/ebooks + a private 30 minute call with me

To get these prizes, all you have to do is email ryholiday@gmail.com with the subject line PreOrder #1, #2 or #3 (depending on which one you choose) and a screenshot of your Amazon or B&N or other receipt. The case studies and reading list will all be sent out within a week. My assistant will email you to schedule our call together.

You can buy the book anywhere, including through the following links:

Amazon

iBooks

Barnes and Noble

Indiebound

800CEORead

BooksAMillion

Living Like a Boss

I know many people who call themselves authors, but they’ve never sold a book. I have, and now I know that it wasn’t that hard. The book took three months. Or maybe they have sold a book, and three years later they’re still writing it even though the topic isn’t a difficult one. Not that they’re Robert Caro struggling with an epic, they enjoy living the life of a writer more than writing, or you know, doing things. I know PhD students years deep into grad school and no closer to graduating. I know people talk about entrepreneurship but they aren’t one. They’re just regular guys. Same goes for “experts” “marketers” and “thinkers.” Mostly posers or dilettantes.

I don’t mean people who try to be cool or anything like that, but people who give themselves credit for accomplishments that haven’t happened yet. It’s not that they aren’t working on their book or start-up or whatever. They are. They just can’t close the deal. They aren’t in control of their own lives.

You know who doesn’t go around calling themselves “The Boss?” Bosses. Why? Because real authority is implicit, not explicit. The same goes for superlatives and occupation titles. You leave those for the people who follow you, who buy your work, who write about you, who introduce you. These meaningless words mean something to some people because it helps them definer their relationship to the world. That’s the wrong way to do it. You, the writer, don’t relate to the world as a writer—you relate to the world as you. The world relates to you and your writing. For [writer], plug in entrepreneur, expert, student, athlete or whatever. The leader is the leader because he leads.

Live a life of standards, not descriptors. Wake up each morning and live like a boss.

This isn’t just a power tactic, though it is a good one. It is a life tactic. It’s how you prevent yourself from becoming a clueless asshole (or a delusional never-been). From thinking that things that don’t matter, matter. It’s so easy on the internet to present an idealized version of yourself, and in the process, forget which is the real and which is the fake. It’s easier to cede control than have control. Don’t fake it until you make it. Shut up until you make it. And then when you make it, you’ll be so used to being that way that you still won’t feel all that inclined to talk about it.

The False Bravado of “Philosophy”

One of Ambrose Bierce’s best stories about the Civil War is “Parker Adderson, Philosopher.” In it, a Union spy is caught behind Confederate lines at night. He is taken to the Confederate general who questions him. In their interview, the soldier shows his wit and disdain for death (and fear), which intriques the general. The conversation is marked by one theme, the condemned soldier outsmarting the general’s compassionate but stern regard for the seriousness of the sentence he is obligated to hand down.

“Good God man! do you mean to go to your death with nothing but jokes upon your lips? Do you know that this is a serious matter?

“How can I know that? I have never been dead in all my life. I have heard that death is a serious matter, but never from any of those who have experienced it.”

The general quietly listens, considers the man’s points but still finds them terrifying.

“Death is horrible!”

“It was horrible to our savage ancestors because they had not enough intelligence to dissociate the idea of consciousness from the idea of the physical forms in which it is manifested–as even a lower order of intelligence, that of the monkey, for example, may be unable to imagine a house without inhabitants and seeing a ruined hut fancies a suffering occupent.”

Just then the stormy weather outside abates, and the general orders that the sentence be imposed that night, by firing squad, rather than waiting for the gallows to be built in the morning. The solider, unprepared for this turn of events, breaks down. “But General, I beg–I implore you, I am to hang!…Spies are hanged; I have rights under military law!” It’s no use. So he struggles, grabs an unguarded knife, and mortally wounds the general before being led away.

At the end the soldier meets his death whimpering before the firing squad, begging to be spared. The general, dying a few hours later, dies solemnly, saying only “I suppose this must be death.”

I like this story because of the twist. As you read it, you mark down the wise words of the soldier–finding them perfect reminders about the smallness of life and an example for how to think about death. The words may as well have come from Cato or Socrates. Parker Adderson truly is, as the title states, a philosopher.

Only like most “philosophers” he soon let’s us down when it comes to practice. He may not have been a coward in the face of grave threats–and that’s admirable and rare–but when those threats become realities his edifice crumbled. At the same time, the General, who was honest with the solider about not wanting to die and urged him to make things right before his sentence was imposed, was, when he himself faced with the same sentence, clearheaded and calm.

Behind laconic wit lies one of two things: compensatory horseshit or profound confidence and bravery. It is important to know which. Remember, all the preparation and philosophy and clever sayings in the world are no guarantee strength under duress. In fact, it may foreshadow the opposite. Why? Because they lead us to think it will not be so hard. That armed with logic or facts, we will not be afraid and regress. And this is true for things a lot less terrifying than death. (We feel proud and smart telling kids “it get’s better,” but how do you handle bullies in your adult life? Your heart races, you get flustered, you feel like quitting your job and running away.)

It’s important to remember that the Spartans, (the Lacedaemonians who the laconic style is named after) hated philosophers. They hated how easily they could say one thing and do another. To them, quips weren’t quips. They meant something. It was the expression of years of training, tradition and obligation. They were efficient, not condescending. Words were never a substitute for action. It was never about making a rhetorical point. For every Spartan whose rejoinder was passed down through history, there were a thousand more who simply performed, making even less of a show than the general in the story.

We must keep that in mind as we do our reading and make our way. That the real show is never the words–no matter how impressive or true or clever they are–and it’s no shame to be mocked and laughed at by those who are skilled at wordplay, so long as you best them when it comes time to face your own test.

More Writing from Me

I was going to keep this writing separate but the posts have turned out to be pretty good so I decided to linking to them here. I’m writing for Forbes now and you can subscribe to my posts via RSS here or you can just follow it on Twitter for links. Initially, writing on Forbes it was a bit of an experiment but it seems to have stuck and I have enjoyed doing it.

H.L Mencken & Jack London: How to Pitch Editors, Agents and Book Publishers

9 Timeless Leadership Lessons from Cyrus the Great

Why Wouldn’t Planned Parenthood Take $500,000? (this controversy was awesome and got picked up everywhere)

The Marketer’s Dirty Secret: Exploiting Perception vs Reality

What the Failed $1M Netflix Prize Says About Business Advice

It’s a different kind of writing for me but still good practice and I write there more often. The weightier material is all going to stay on this site and I’ll be posting on Forbes just the stuff that I couldn’t make work for this format. It’s also not a bad seque into my book, which is a mix of both. Stay tuned for that announcement next month.

Anyway, read them or don’t. Either way, stay tuned for regularly scheduled programming.

The Benefit of the Doubt

Some weirdo says something to you in the grocery store and you smile and nod your head, “Yup!” Just to avoid a scene right? You have a meeting with a sales rep and indulge the friendly but pointless chitchat even though you hate it. But a friend mispronounces a word and we leap to correct them. Your girlfriend tells a boring story and you’ve got to say something about it, you’ve got to get short with her. What kind of bullshit is this? We give the benefit of courtesy to everybody but the people who earned it.

Think of how much patience we have for total strangers and acquaintances. But what a short fuse we have for the actual people in our life. In the course of our everyday lives, our priorities are so very backwards. We do our best to impress people we’ll never see again and take for granted people we see all the time. We’re respectful in our business lives, casual and careless in our personal. We punish closeness with criticism, reward unfamiliarity with politeness.

On some days, deep down, I think we’d rather just be an asshole to everyone. But we can’t, so on those days we take it out all the harder on the people we can. When kids are misbehaving, it’s the one within reach that the parent slaps. Just because you can call someone out (or hold them accountable) doesn’t mean you should. The fact that you can certainly shouldn’t count against the person. As though being your friend or co-worker costs them your patience.

Not that I’m saying to flip the ratio and be less tolerant to people outside your circle than those inside it. Instead, see if you can give everyone the graciousness of meeting them fresh each time. Ask yourself: how would I treat this person if we weren’t so familiar? If it’s more generously, do that. Don’t use history against people, don’t slap just because you can. Sure, be friendly to everyone but bend over backwards—because they’ve earned it—for the people who put up with your shit on a daily basis.

How Do You Make Life-Changing Decisions?

First, you get rid of the notion that anything about your life is really at stake. Whatever happens, you’ll be fine. You’re not deciding whether to do opt for chemo or not.

That is to say: calm down. We, the young and ambitious, deal almost exclusively with rich white people problems. We’re not going to starve if we make the wrong decision.* There is very little we can’t undo.

Of course, that doesn’t make life-changing decision any less intimidating or take away the fact that the adults in our lives did next to nothing in the way of preparing us. I think that’s why since I dropped out of school (and wrote about it as it was happening) people have been coming to me as though I have some special insight on making these kinds of calls. Since I did it then and have done it several times since, they think I know the secret. I don’t, but I do have some tricks.

When I get these emails I almost always ignore the specific details and respond with few simple questions. Stuff like: “What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen?” “What would you miss out on if you did it?” “Are you fighting for a piece of a shrinking dying industry or are you getting something whose value will hold up over time?” I never tell them what to do. I just pose questions.

These are no rhetorical questions, though I am sure they seem that way to someone just looking for advice. I intend for the person to answer them. Think about like a math equation for a second. It seems like a jumble of symbols and unknowns at first, but when you stop, breathe and break it down, the process basically takes care of itself. Isolate the variables, solve for them and all that is left is your answer.

Answer the questions and the right choice becomes clear.

This strategy gives you the single most important tactic when you’re trying to make life-changing decisions:

Get information, not advice. See most people—no matter how wise or successful—give horrible advice. They’ll send you astray. So don’t ask for advice. Ask them for information that you can translate into advice.

Isolate the various issues that will influence your decision and ask then people about that. By zeroing in on specifics rather than the big picture, you avoid the trap of their (distorted) picture. Simplify your decision into [If this] then [x] or [If that] then [y]. Then use the smart people in your life to help solve for the variables.

It’s the difference between asking: “What should I do?” and “Do you know anyone who ran into problems taking some time off from school?” To me, this difference was the world. I asked the latter question to someone when I was dropping out and their answer was brilliant. ‘Problems?’ he said, ‘I got really sick when I was in college and had to spend a year in the hospital. Do you think that matters at all to anyone 20 years later?’

So try it: What is the worst thing that can happen? Well, it could cost me some money. Ok, well money is replaceable so that’s a stupid reason not to do something with so much potential upside. Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity? Yes. Really, never again? I don’t know… Then you haven’t thought about this enough. And so and so on.

After that, this is what else is important:

-Think about where you want to go, back out your decisions from there. Let’s say you want to be a politician way down the line. Well, what does the biography of a politician look like? Probably some military service, success in the private sector, multiple degrees, clean private life, good connections, rich benefactors, a public profile, one or two key (untouchable) stances, sense of style, etc. Ok, now when you make decisions all you have to do is ask yourself: Does this help me check off any of those boxes? If it doesn’t, it’s probably not the right thing to do.

-Remember to consider opportunity costs.

-”Enter Action With Boldness” and sometimes, you may have “Act Before You Are Ready”

-It doesn’t matter how much other people ‘get’ you, they’ll never fully understand your aspirations so don’t go around expecting them to. It’s too hard for them to see past their own experiences. Prepare to be misunderstood, both when you ask for advice and when you finally take action.

-Scared about making the wrong choice? You won’t ever know if you did. Cognitive dissonance won’t let you.

-Strategy is a matter of options. Generally, the aim is to act in a way that leaves as many possible options open as possible (remember, opportunity costs). Keep this in mind as you make your decision. What gives me the most options? What gives me the most freedom and creates the most opportunities? Do not discount the things you do not yet know are important.

-Books. Books. Books. People have been doing [whatever it is you're deciding about] for a while now. They’ve been moving West, leaving school, investing their savings, getting dumped or filing for divorce, starting businesses, quitting their jobs, fighting, dying and fucking for thousands of years. This is all written down, often in the first person. Read it. Stop pretending you’re breaking new ground.

Finally, don’t feel guilty for asking for help. There is NOT A CHANCE that the successful people you know today didn’t rely on the successful people they knew in order to get where they are. That’s the cycle. It’s why I respond to these emails and do my best to walk people through it however I can. So if you don’t have anyone else to ask, you can also come to me as a last resort. You know where to find me.

 *When I made the decision to leave my life behind and write my book, I asked Tucker: “Is there anything I should be worried about when I’m doing this?” His answer: “Nothing about any of this should worry you. It’s all upside.”

You Won. Now What?

To readers of PaleoHacks, Lifehacker, Get Rich Slowly, 37 Signals, StevePavilina, Quantified Self:

YOU WON!

You’ve found the perfect…

[diet, productivity system, way to save money, workflow, source of inspiration, regimen]

You’ve done it. We all agree. Now what?

Remember, it’s bad strategy to go past the mark you aimed for. When we look at our health, our money, our productivity or anything else that takes our time and energy, the metric that matters is ROI. Nature has given us a wonderful guide to help with that: the law of diminishing returns. Yet, you stuck with it long past then.

You spent so many hours slaving over improvements at the margins. So many pedantic debates on the internet—because you had to be right. How much time did you spend trying to be a better person? A better father? A better friend? You know definitively whether legumes are good for you or not, but whether you are good or not remains less clear.

What should you focus on instead? Start with the things that matter: Philosophy. Empathy. Goodness. And from there, proceed to basically just about everything else. You know, stuff that matters.

 

Return to Philosophy

I have written this post before, but it remains a common theme. The busier we get, the more we work, and learn and read, the further we drift. We get in a rhythm. We’re making money, being creative, we’re stimulated and busy. It seems like everything is going well. But we drift further and further from Philosophy.

So we must catch ourselves and return to it. Pick up Meditations, Seneca, Plutarch, Hadot, our notecards of quotes and reminders or, anything from the shelf of “Life” books. Stop and evaluate. Read something that challenges, instead of informs.

No matter how much learning or work or thinking we do, none of it matters unless it happens against the backstop of exhortative analysis. The kind rooted in the deep study of the mind and emotion, and demands that we hold ourselves to certain standards. We must turn to the practical, to the spiritual exercises of great men and actively use them. It’s the only way we’ll get anything out of the rest of our efforts. It’s simple: stop learning (or “working”) for a second and refine.

Put aside all the momentum and the moment. Tap the brakes. Return to philosophy.