Edward Lorn's Blog, page 43
December 22, 2015
WINNER: BEST RE-READ OF 2015!
This was probably the easiest choice for me to make concerning my Best of 2015 List. I’ve not released the final A Decade with King post, because I’ve decided to include King’s final Hodges novel, End of Watch, and his latest short story collection, Bazaar of Bad Dreams. End of Watch doesn’t release until June, so you can expect my final post in that series then.
From time to time, Stephen King’s IT gets bumped from the number one spot of my Favorite Books of All Time list, but it always reclaims that spot after a re-read. I completed my 7th readthrough this year, and intend to read it again in the coming year. I’ve reviewed it several different ways but have never managed to capture how this book makes me feel. It remains the only novel that utterly sweeps me into another time and place, and words simply do not do it justice.
Here’s my latest review of the book.
In summation: There’s a rather famous quote from Alan Rickman that goes like this:
” When I’m 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I’ll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, ‘After all this time?’ And I will say, ‘Always.’ “
That is how I feel about IT.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1310765/winner-best-re-read-of-2015
December 21, 2015
WINNER: WORST BOOK OF THE YEAR 2015!
Over the next ten days, I will be posting about the best and the worst novels, novellas, and short stories I read this year. Do note that not all of these books were released in 2015, some of them were released years, even decades ago, and I finally got around to them this year.
We’re going to start out on a sour note and get the worst book of the year out of the way. This was a tie between Dean Koontz’s Saint Odd and Ernest Cline’s Armada. In the end I had to give Worst Book of 2015 to Armada because I actually expected to like the book. I dig pop culture references and nerd humor. Somehow, I allowed this godawful book to change that. Now, every time I read a pop culture reference I roll my eyes, and all my excitement for the new Star Wars movie has died. The nerd in me cries itself to sleep every night. That’s how badly this fuck stain of a cash grab affected me.
Here’s the link to my original review.
Let’s all have a moment of silence for the damage this book has done to nerd culture. Ohm-men.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1310470/winner-worst-book-of-the-year-2015
December 20, 2015
The Elephant Vanishes Review
Review: 
This is my third Haruki Murakami read and by far my least favorite. After Norwegian Wood and After Dark, I felt this author could do no wrong. Those two novels were vastly different from each other – one a simplistic-yet-moving coming-of-age story and the other a mindtrip into the streets and characters of nocturnal Japan – and I was hoping some of that mastery of story would show up in each one of these tales. I was sorely mistaken.
My rating is based solely on the fact that I only liked 7 out of 17 stories. The ones I like are as follows:
The Second Bakery Attack (5 stars)
Sleep (4 stars)
Barn Burning (4 stars)
The Little Green Monster (5 stars)
TV People (5 stars)
The Dancing Dwarf (4 stars)
The Elephant Vanishes (5 stars)
The seven stories listed above are great distractions, but not worth the price of admission (Basically, I paid an illogical $11.99 on Amazon for seven stories). Had the book consisted of only those seven stories at half the price, I would have been pleased with my purchase. Tacking on the other ten titles felt like padding so that the publisher could charge for a novel-length outing.
The other stories get between 1 and 2 stars each and are not worth noting whatsoever, as they were completely unremarkable. Suffice to say they were all either mind-numbingly boring or horribly repetitive. A man meets a woman and his viewpoint of the world changes. That’s fine two or three times in one collection, but ten times is too much for my tastes.
In summation: Some authors are good novelists, some are good short story writers, and a few are both. Murakami joins Neil Gaiman on my list of authors who should stick to novel writing. I highly recommend the two novels I listed in this review, but I cannot recommend this collection.
Final Judgment: Like watching your crush take a shit.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1309865/the-elephant-vanishes-review
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Thank you so much for a fantastic year. Below, you will find two images. Click on each cover to get your gifts. For those of you outside of the U.S., scroll to the end of this post for your links.
From my house to yours,
Merry Christmas!
E.
INTERNATIONAL LINKS
“The Naughty List”:
“Deck the Halls”:
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1309537/merry-christmas
December 19, 2015
Help, please?
Hello everybody. You guys were extremely helpful when I asked for international author recommendations, so I figured I’d ask for your help with something else. If you have a moment, I’d like your help with an ongoing project of mine. In an attempt to broaden my horizons, I’ve been reading many firsts in series and new-to-me authors. My favorite genres are dark literary fiction and literary horror, but I enjoy thrillers and action novels as well. Please no horror for horror’s sake. I’ve had my fill of the Edward Lee’s of the writing world and numerous Laymon clones. I tend to stay away from paranormal suspense and urban fantasy, but I’ve been known to dabble in both. Loved the first two Sandman Slim books. I cannot stand romance of any kind. I told you all that not because I’m filling out an application for a reader-targeted dating site, but because I want to narrow down my search criteria.
I’m looking for bestselling authors I have not read before. Below, I have a list of authors I’ve tried or plan to try over the next year. I’ve marked the ones that I didn’t enjoy or have burned out on. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comment section.
Oh, and to be clear about romance, I’m talking about romance as the main storyline. You know, bodice-rippers and straight-laced love stories. If the thriller/horror/lit fic your posting has a romantic subplot, I’m cool with that. But please, don’t let romance be the only thing going on. I don’t care for erotica either.
Any and all help is greatly appreciated.
J.K. Rowling (Liked two out of seven Potter books, but I’ll be reading her Strike series)
Dean Koontz (His last ten books were horrible, and I’ve read everything else)
Stephen King (Read everything he’s written aside from his latest collection)
Robert Ludlum
James Patterson (Hate is not a strong enough word)
John Grisham
Dan Brown
Michael Crichton
Clive Cussler (This guy is just as bad as Patterson)
Ken Follett
Jim Butcher
Paulo Coelho
David Baldacci
Robin Cook
Mary Higgins Clark
Patricia Cromwell
Tom Clancy
Tami Hoag
Kathy Reichs
Brandon Sanderson
Janet Evanovich
John Sanford
Jeffery Deaver
Michael Connelly
Nelson DeMille
Greg Iles
Seth Grahame-Smith
Dennis Lehane
Jo Nesbø
Chuck Palahniuk
Sue Grafton
Robert R. McCammon
Peter Straub
Clive Barker (Amazingly talented writer, but I can rarely finish his books)
Thanks in advance!
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1309314/help-please
December 18, 2015
Pre-Release Request
Beginning December 20, 2016, both this book and its brand new sequel, “Deck the Halls”, will be free on Amazon.com. These stories are only available one week out of the year. To make sure this year’s gifting goes as planned, I will be uploading both books to Amazon after midnight tonight.
“The Naughty List” and “Deck the Halls” are intended as gifts. So, if you happen upon them for sale, please do not purchase them. Wait until they’re free. I know there are some of you who plan to buy them to support me, but I’d prefer if you didn’t. I’d much rather you buy someone else a book. Or a pair bookends from the dollar store. Or a cheeseburger. Or, you know, whatever else you can get for two bucks.
Thank you,
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1308776/pre-release-request
December 17, 2015
Unholy Night Review
Review:
I enjoyed the hell out of this buddy read with Kells. Gotta admit, though, I did not expect that I would like this book as much as I did. I’m not one for mashups, so I’ve successfully skirted much of Seth Grahame-Smith’s catalogue. You’ll likely see me tackle that Abraham Lincoln vamp book, but only because I found it for a quarter. Found this one for a quarter, too, but had I paid ten bucks for the ebook version ofUnholy Night, I don’t think I’d be a bit disappointed. Well worth the price of admission, this one.
I’m a gorehound. I like blood and guts and I cannot lie. There were some extremely unique kills in this book, and one torture scene that made my tummy flop. I also like being disgusted. Everything involving King Herod made my skin crawl. Dude was a truly horrible villain. One I absolutely loved to hate. The guy was not opposed to killing children (the younger the better), forcing his leprous cock on unwilling females (the younger the better), or partaking in a bit of necrophilia from time to time. Yeah, you read all that right. Herod is a sick fucker on many different levels. I couldn’t have asked for a more vile bad guy. Herod was a terrific counterpoint to our broken hero, Balthazar.
Okay, I’ve already said I didn’t expect to like this one, but I surely did not expect for this book to tug at my heartstrings. The flashback wherein Abdi dies crushed my soul. Damn affecting piece of writing. The author’s use of “Bal-faza” actually brought tears to my eyes. I love being surprised into emotional reactions.
Now for the handful of things I could have done without.
#1. The love interest. Didn’t give a single fuck about Sela. Could have done without Sela. Wished Sela would’ve died. Call me a heartless bastard if you want, but I don’t see the purpose of her.
#2. Everything in this book is wrapped up nicely with a pretty little bow. Right down to the revenge at the end and the fates of Gaspar and Melchyor.
#3. Everyone getting knocked out or blacking out in lieu of transitions. There were over five instances of someone getting knocked out so that the author wouldn’t have to explain how they got from Point A to Point B. That device is lazy storytelling 101. Every author does it, myself included, but to have it happen more than three times in a 300 page book is amateur hour at its most basic.
Those three things brought an otherwise five-star book down to four stars for me.
In summation: I’m glad I read this. This little book has everything I love seeing in my fiction. If you like vile villains and plenty of gore, you should dig this book.
Final Judgment: “Chrestian” fiction at its most bloody.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1307583/unholy-night-review
December 16, 2015
Beautiful You Review
I’m gonna go ahead and say what everyone else is thinking.
Chuck Palahniuk is the M. Night Shamalamadingdong of literature. And this book, ladies and gentlemen, is his Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Beautiful You is a godawful, unfunny joke of a book. I understand Chuck was going after the Fifty Shade andTwilight books with guns blazin’, but this assassination mission was an utter failure. In fact, it pains me to say this, but … Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey (what little I read of them) were better overall experiences.
As of this book, the ratio of Palahniuk books I love versus the ones I downright fucking hate is 50/50. Where the fuck did Chuck store his witty sense of humor? Who stole his relevant social commentary and on-point dialogue? How did he become such a parody of his former self? I refuse to believe this is the same guy I once idolized. This cannot be the same author who wrote Invisible Monsters and Choke.
Sex toys bringing on the end of the world could have been fucking amazing in this author’s hands, but Chuck didn’t give two shits about his plot, characters, and dialogue. Instead, we’re given a book even worse than Pygmy.
I cannot believe I just wrote those words…
I hovered between two and three stars until the scenes in the cave. Everything involving the Baba reminded me of a Mad TV skit written by a prepubescent boy with only the vaguest idea of what sex and humor are. It’s been a long time since I read prose and dialogue this bad. I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if I had finished the book and closed it to find someone had replaced my Chuck Palahniuk book with a novel written by the stars of Duck Dynasty.
In summation: I’m one or two more failures away from giving up on Palahniuk. He’s lost much of what I loved about his writing. Subtle, witty social commentary has been replaced by sex jokes for troglodytes. Stay the fuck away from this one.
Final Judgment: Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1304659/beautiful-you-review
December 14, 2015
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