Monica Alexander's Blog, page 4
June 1, 2014
"Paper Airplanes" Chapter One
In light of it being June, and the veritable start of summer, I figured I'd share the first chapter of Paper Airplanes, the book I published in February. The majority of the story (after the first few chapters) takes place in the summer, so hopefully it'll get you in a summer reading mood. If you haven't read it yet, give it a chance. I hope you like it :)
Chapter One
Cassie
“Come on, Cass,” my best friend Marley yelled back at me.
I raced through the snow to catch up to her, practically falling over from the amount of Captain Morgan I’d consumed. It was Friday, I’d finished class earlier in the day, and Marley and I had been celebrating the start of the weekend for several hours. In front of me I heard Aiden, Marley’s boyfriend, laughing as he tripped over something in the street – possibly his own feet – and I watched his younger brother Reese elbow him, which only made him laugh harder.
I heard more laughter behind me as Will Stephens burst out of the fraternity house and yelled, “Kiss my ass, Maxwell!” to one of the brothers still inside.
He caught up to me quickly since my ballet flats were slipping and sliding over the snow covered ground that was only growing whiter from the falling flakes. Will’s arm looped around my waist, and I squealed as he lifted me off the ground and started to run with me like a football.
“Will, put me down!” I shrieked, which made Marley turn around and grin at me.
“How you ever landed the hottest guy in Alpha Phi Beta, I’ll never know,” she yelled at me, hands on her hips, a wide smile on her face.
I just laughed. It was all I could do. But I agreed with her. Will was the hottest guy in the best frat at Coleman College. I knew just how lucky I was every time I looked at him.
“Hey,” Aiden said, elbowing his girlfriend in the ribs. “I thought I was the hottest guy in APB. That’s what you told me.”
Marley laughed and turned to him. “Sorry, but Will’s hotter,” she said, as she planted her hands on her knees and gasped for breath.
“Dude, that burns,” Reese chimed in, and Aiden turned to him. Reese grinned, taunting him.
“Fuck you, pledge. Go get me another drink,” Aiden snapped playfully at him.
Reese laughed. “My pledge hazing ended last semester after initiation, fucker. Get your own drink.”
Will slowly skidded to a stop when we reached our friends, and he set me down, spun me around and smiled at me. “The hottest guy in the frat, huh?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not?” I said nonchalantly. It wasn’t like it was a surprise that I thought Will was hot. Everyone thought that. I wasn’t in the minority.
A smirk crept up on his face, the dimples on either side of his smile popping. “Good thing I’m with the hottest girl on campus then.”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. Will Stephens had a way of getting under my skin in a really good way. He was hot and sexy with light brown hair that he wore on the long side. And he was tall and muscular with really sexy legs that mesmerized me when I watched him play indoor intramural soccer. I’d wanted him for a year and a half, ever since Bid Day when I’d been running across campus with Marley after we found out we’d gotten into Gamma Pi.
The frat guys had all lined up on the route that the sorority girls would take to their respective houses, and of course I’d looked over because when hundreds of hot guys are right there, you turn and look. I saw Will looking all tan and beautiful, and then I’d promptly tripped and ran into the poor girl in front of me who’d gone flying into the girl next to her, and we’d all landed in a heap on the ground. My face turned bright red. I’d literally never been so mortified in my life.
I could have slunk away in shame, but instead I looked up and made eye contact with Will who was smirking at me as if he found my gracelessness adorable. I smiled, and he winked at me, forever cementing the most adorable meet-cute I’d ever experienced.
Then, before I knew what was happening, Marley was yelling ‘Sorry!’ to the girls I’d taken out, yanking me to my feet, and we were running toward the Gamma Pi house once more, leaving behind just about the cutest guy I’d ever laid eyes on. But I felt him staring, his eyes burning into the back of my head as I raced away with my best friend’s hand in
mine.
I thought about Will – before I’d even known that was his name – all night as I met my new sisters and celebrated my first day as a Gamma Pi. I was dying to know who he was and what house he was in. I’d never met a guy who took my breath away like he did, without even saying a word.
So of course I did what any girl would do. I dragged Marley around to every frat party on campus over the next few weekends until we ended up at APB. I experienced a joyfully giddy feeling of relief when I spotted Will across the room, drinking a beer and laughing with a brunette who was coyly leaning into him. I was so excited that I’d finally found him, knowing we were destined to be together. But as fate would have it, I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him that night, since he disappeared upstairs with the girl before I could work up the nerve to introduce myself.
Fate was a bitch, but I wasn’t going to let her take me down. I vowed the next time I saw Will – which was going to be the next weekend since Marley and I were definitely going back to APB – I was going to talk to him. I wasn’t going to let my fear of embarrassing myself further, or getting spectacularly tongue-tied, get in my way. I was going to be cool and confident and flirt with him.
Paper AirplanesPaper AirplanesI’d never been afraid of guys. I’d grown up being friends with the jocks at my high school, so hot, arrogant, beautiful boys had never rattled me. But for some reason, Will Stephens made my mouth dry and my hands sweaty and my brain empty of witty things to say. In my eyes he was perfect. And because of this, my vow ran empty, and I completely chickened out time and again when the opportunity to introduce myself came up.
Weekend after weekend I’d watch him flirt with girl after girl until he started to only flirt with one. Isabella Thomas was beautiful in such an effortless way. She was a volleyball player, so she was tall and lean and strong. She wore hardly any make-up, because she didn’t need it. And I couldn’t even hate her, because she was funny and nice and so incredibly genuine that everyone loved her.
I wanted to hate her, because she’d stolen the guy I’d been crushing on for months, but I couldn’t do it. You couldn’t hate Isabella Thomas. And I really couldn’t hate her after one night in March when she’d held my hair back for me when I’d been puking in the bushes outside the APB house. In truth I sort of owed her a debt of gratitude.
Marley and I had started hanging out there regularly since she had started dating Aiden Keller. I found the fact that she was dating a brother a great excuse for me to not look like a stalker. I was there because of Marley – or at least that’s what everyone thought. Secretly I was keeping a watchful eye on Will, waiting for the day he’d be single again. But it didn’t seem like that was going to happen anytime soon, and since there was always beer flowing at those parties, and I liked to drink, I imbibed – a lot.
Hence the reason I got sick. I’d gone a little nuts celebrating the start of Spring Break, and Isabella just happened to be there. She couldn’t have been nicer to me, holding my hair back, and then giving me a piece of gum and a bottle of water as I sat on the porch and waited for the world to stop violently spinning long enough for me to walk back to my dorm. Since Marley was lost somewhere with Aiden, I was just going to walk home alone before Isabella asked her hot boyfriend, Will Stephens, to drive me home.
Awesome.
After seven months of crushing on the hottest guy I’d ever seen, I finally met him after I’d vomited in his bushes, was drunk as shit and had raccoon eyes from my make-up running. It was not a shining moment for me.
After Will drove me home, Isabella walked me to my dorm and made sure I got up to my room safely. I really couldn’t hate her after that. I wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there, but that wasn’t really an option either.
A few weeks later I was brave enough to show my face at APB again, hoping no one would remember that I was the girl who couldn’t hold her liquor. And thankfully, because a lot of girls had puked before and after me in those same bushes, no one really remembered – except for Will. It would be fitting that he would be the only person to remember my least triumphant moment ever.
In fact the next time I saw him, he sauntered up to me – because once someone drives your drunk ass home, you’re obviously now friends – and he took my beer right out of my hands before he gave me one of his heartbreaker, panty-dropping smiles.
“Are you planning to repeat what happened a few weeks ago?” he asked me.
My face turned bright red. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. “I sincerely hope not,” I said honestly.
He nodded. “How much have you had?”
“That’s my second.”
He handed my beer back to me. “Okay, I think you’re alright, but if you find your vision getting blurred or if there are suddenly two of me, it’s time to stop.”
I wished there were two of him. Then I could have one and Isabella could keep the other.
“You can rest assured that I’m not doing that again,” I told him honestly, because spending a full Sunday in bed with the worst hangover in the history of the world hadn’t been fun. I was proceeding with caution from there on out.
Will shrugged. “It’s college. It happens.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so we just stood there and stared at each other for a few moments as the awkward silence started to swirl around us.
“Thank you for driving me home,” I finally said, for lack of anything more insightful. “I really appreciated it.”
He smiled. “I’ve been there. I figured it was the least I could do.” Then he clinked his red Solo cup against mine. “And no one’s going to fault you for living it up. Like I said, this is college. You’re supposed to have fun,” he said. Then he winked at me and walked away.
Will was one of the most laid back people I’d ever met in my life. Not that he was lazy, but he had this way of looking at life differently. He never let things get too heavy. I saw this over and over again as we became friends. Nothing fazed him – or that’s at least what he wanted people to think. If you didn’t know Will, you’d think he never let anything get to him, but I knew him well enough to know when he was putting up a major façade.
It happened from time to time when shit hit the proverbial fan, but no time was more memorable than the day after Isabella had broken up with him. I could tell he was torn up about it, but he’d never have admitted it outright.
It was November, and after Aiden told me what had happened, I went searching for Will to make sure he was okay. Aiden told me he was fine, that Will wasn’t upset, but I knew better. We were good friends by that point, so I knew how he felt about Isabella. For some reason, I was the only person who Will ever opened up to. We’d had long talks about Isabella. I knew he loved her, so I knew how he must have been feeling. She’d broken his heart.
I found him on the rooftop deck in the thirty degree weather drinking a SoCo and Seven, his drink of choice. When I walked outside, he turned to me with a glazed look in his eyes.
“Hey Witter,” he said nonchalantly, calling me by my last name like he always had.
“Hey Will,” I said, pulling my coat around me as I sat in the rocking chair next to his. Why the guys had dragged rocking chairs up on the roof was beyond me, but they’d been there since I’d started hanging out at APB. “How are you?”
He shrugged as if he was fine. “I’m single.”
“That’s not an emotion,” I told him, and he just grinned at me before taking a long sip of his drink.
“Tis how I feel in this moment in time,” he said with just a touch of moroseness in his voice, but his statement was more factual. “Single. I was single for a long time, and then I met her, and I didn’t want to be single anymore. I still don’t want to be single.”
That was sad. I felt bad for him.
“What happened?”
I was curious to know because I’d just seen the two of them the weekend before, and they’d seemed happy. Had she cheated on him?
He shrugged. “She’s graduating in December and moving to Texas. She doesn’t want to do long distance.”
“Long distance is hard,” I agreed, not sure if I could do it.
“I love her,” he said, showing me just how vulnerable he really was in the moment.
“I know you do.”
He turned to look at me then. “Do you think she loves me?”
I nodded. “Yeah, Will. I think she does.”
I knew she did.
“But she doesn’t want to be with me. She wants to grow up, work a fancy job and be an adult,” he said as if it was the worst idea in the world.
“We all have to grow up sometime,” I told him, and he just shrugged.
“I’d rather stay young and immature. It suits me better,” he said honestly, and I laughed around a shiver as my body convulsed from the cold.
“There will be other girls,” I told him, as I nudged his shoulder, knowing it was true. A thousand girls would have given their right arm to be with Will Stephens, including me.
“That is true,” he said, angling his drink toward me in acknowledgement. “You’re so right.”
“I know I am,” I said, hugging myself tighter.
The wind was whipping around the roof making it almost unbearable to sit up there. I was afraid Will was going to get hypothermia if he stayed up there much longer without a jacket on.
“Why don’t we go inside?” I suggested.
“Nah. I’m good,” he said, rocking back and forth slowly, his gaze fixed on a middle-distance in the dark night.
“Okay, well, I think I’m going to head in.”
He nodded. “You do that.”
“Do you want me to bring you your coat?” I asked him as I got up from the rocking chair.
“No thanks.”
“Okay, well, come find me when you come back in. We’ll do shots or something.”
He nodded but didn’t look back at me. “It’s a plan.”
As I headed back inside, he called out to me.
“Hey Witter?”
I turned to look at him. “Yeah?”
“Thanks,” he said and shot me a small smile.
“You’re welcome,” I said, nodding in acknowledgement.
I could have said a million other things in that moment. I could have told him that he could come to me if he needed to talk, if he needed a friend. I could have told him that Isabella was an idiot and he deserved better. I could have told him that break-ups suck and it would get better, but I knew I couldn’t do that with Will. He didn’t want to talk about dark things. He wanted to pretend that everything was fine and his heartbreak could be cured by turning the other cheek and drinking a strong drink. I had to admit, it was a pretty awesome outlook to have. Why waste time on things that made you sad when you could push them down and away? Why dwell?
If only it were that easy.
And after that night, Will seemed to be in a better place. I knew he was still hurting because I’d catch glimpses of the darkness that would flash across his face at odd moments, but he never wanted to talk about how he was feeling. He just acted like everything was great, and because I knew that’s what he needed, I did the same.
Right before we all left to go to our respective hometowns for Christmas break, Marley and I went over to the APB house so she could see Aiden. I ran into Will who convinced me to come up to his room to hang out while Marley and Aiden had ‘quality time’ together. We both knew what that meant and how long they’d take. It wasn’t the first time I’d hung out with Will while I waited for Marley.
But instead of the platonic TV watching we usually engaged in, Will kissed me that night as we watched Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and drank Coors Light. It was the last thing I’d expected since I’d hung out with him too many times to count without him ever making a move. We kissed for a long time, and for as experienced as I knew him to be, I expected him to urge me to take things further, but he didn’t. He just kissed me, seemingly content to do that all night.
And before we said goodnight, because I wasn’t about to ruin things by spending the night so early on in what I hoped was going to be a relationship, Will walked me downstairs and out to where my car was parked. Marley had decided to stay the night with Aiden, so I was going back to our apartment alone. Will kissed me and told me he’d call me over break.
I looked up at him then, needing to ask, because I couldn’t go home for three weeks without knowing. “What is this?”
He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me before adjusting the beanie I was wearing. The temperature was close to freezing, and snow was expected to fall overnight.
“At the moment or in the larger sense of the word?” he asked.
I shot him a knowing look. “The larger sense, obviously. You’ve never kissed me before.”
He looked amused by my question. “Do we need to define what we’re doing?”
It was such a typical Will response.
I shrugged. “I guess not, but I think I need to know that I’m not a rebound for you.”
He sighed, his breath visible in the cold night air as his hands slid up and cupped my upper arms. “I like you, Cassie. I’ve always liked you, but if you want me to tell you I’m completely over Isabella, I can’t do that. I want to be. I want to move on and let go of her, and I was sort of hoping you’d be the girl who’d help me do that. But I’ll understand if you’re not cool with my baggage.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a guy be so honest with me. I hadn’t expected that from Will. “What does that mean?”
I needed to hear that he wasn’t just looking for something physical. I couldn’t do that. I was already emotionally invested in him. I wouldn’t do just sex.
He dropped his hands then and pulled something out of his pocket. Then he put it in my hand and folded my fingers into a fist around it. I looked down at his hand clenched around mine for a few seconds before I looked up and met his bright-eyed gaze. His brown eyes sparkled as he watched me.
“Open it,” he said instead of answering my question.
I did, slowly unfolding my fingers to reveal a single charm in the shape of a triangle on a chain. There were some variations to the triangle, some folds, making it look like a paper airplane. I looked up at him in question.
“Is it a paper airplane?”
He nodded once. “It’s supposed to be symbolic of being separated from someone you care about. I figured you could wear it over break and think about me.” His eyes shifted away from me for a few seconds before shifting back to meet my gaze. “Give me a chance, Cassie.”
“So this isn’t just a hook up?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want it to be,” he said, and then he kissed me.
I knew right then and there that given the chance, I was going to fall hard for Will Stephens. No one had ever given me such a thoughtful and meaningful gift. And he’d bought it before that night, almost as if he’d known we were going to get together. And that meant more to me than the gift itself.
Everything changed after that night. Suddenly I was Will Stephens’ girlfriend, a spot I’d coveted for a year and a half. I finally had the boy I’d been dreaming about for far too long. Of course it was different on the inside looking out than I’d imagined it to be. Will was broken. Isabella had done a serious number on him, but like he told me he wanted to, he tried to move forward. I could see that, and it meant everything to me.
In some ways it was good that we were separated at the start of our relationship because it gave us time to settle in to knowing each other in a different way. We talked a lot over break, almost every day, and when I got back to school things were good. We’d been together for just five weeks the night we’d gone racing out of the frat house in the snow, and even though Will wasn’t perfect, I already had really strong feelings for him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with him. Hell, I was practically already there.
“I always get the hottest guys, haven’t you realized that yet?” I yelled to my best friend who burst out laughing as Will looked down at me and smiled.
I reached up and straightened the gray beanie I was wearing over my blond hair, trying to block out some of the cold night air. I’d straightened my curly hair earlier in the day, but it had started to annoy me, so I’d pulled it back into a bun at the nape of my neck and shoved my favorite beanie on my head. Just a few pieces of escaped hair were blowing against my face in the cold wind. Will brushed one off of my cheek.
“And I always get the hottest girls,” he said, planting a kiss on my ice cold lips.
His mouth was warm as his tongue snaked its way into my mouth, claiming me and causing me to forget that it was below freezing and snowing outside, and I wasn’t wearing shoes conducive to either. I didn’t care. When Will kissed me, everything else faded away.
“You live a charmed life, my friend,” Marley said from behind me, and she was right.
My life so far had been perfect. I wouldn’t have changed one thing about it. I had a hot new boyfriend, amazing friends, and I was loving my collegiate experience. I couldn’t have been happier.
“Okay, seriously, what are we doing out here? It’s fucking freezing,” Reese complained, as we started walking toward the dining hall.
Will took my hand in his as we walked. “It’s cold,” I said, huddling against him.
He chuckled as he pulled me closer, his lips landing on my temple. “I’ll keep you warm.”
I smiled, feeling so lucky in that moment.
“Yeah, why are we out here?” Marley complained, trailing along behind Aiden.
“We’re starving and we need snacks, obviously,” Aiden chimed in as he shoved his brother and pulled his girlfriend into his arms. “I’m hungry, and the dining hall is the closest option we have.”
“And we already have drinks,” Will said, pulling a flask from his pocket. He took a swig and handed it to me. He winked. “Live it up while you’re young, right?”
“Right,” I told him, because I knew he needed to hear it.
Will was a senior, and he was dreading graduating at the end of the summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to stretch out school for another few years, and I couldn’t blame him. I was only a sophomore, but I knew how crazy it could be in the real world. We had it good with our charmed life in our little, safe bubble.
Or at least we thought we did.
That evening, in the freezing January cold, drunk with my friends and living life to its fullest, I thought we were untouchable. Little did I know that just a few minutes later, everything was going to come crashing down around us.
“I want ice cream,” Reese called out when we entered the packed dining hall, heading for the back.
“Get me some too,” Aiden called after him, heading toward the hot food line with Marley trailing behind him saying something about wanting mac and cheese.
“What do you want, Witter?” Will asked me.
I smiled at him. “Definitely not ice cream. I want French fries and gravy.”
He smiled back at me, and leaned over to kiss my temple.
It was then that I heard a blood-curling scream that made my heart stop beating for several seconds. It was cut off by the loudest sound I’d ever heard, several loud bangs in quick succession, and before I knew it, I was on the floor, and Will was on top of me.
I heard shouting and screaming and crying, but I was disoriented. Something wet was soaking through my jacket and dripping down the side of my face, the side of my head was on fire all of a sudden, and Will’s weight was crushing me. I couldn’t move.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
More screams. People were crying and running and chairs were scraping. Someone nearby was shouting for everyone to shut the fuck up. His voice was followed by two more bangs. Then the room fell eerily silent. Something told me I needed to get out of there. I needed to run. Something bad was happening, but my brain couldn’t engage what it was.
“Will,” I groaned, but he didn’t seem hear me. I tried to push him off of me, but I couldn’t. I felt like my head was going to split open. It was burning and aching at the same time, and a wave of nausea was rolling through me. “Will.”
“Shut up,” someone hissed to my right, and I turned my head even though it hurt to do it.
I came face to face with a pair of bright blue eyes and a panicked expression. The guy was lying on the floor, part of his body obstructed from my view by the legs of a chair and a backpack. He had a smear of blood on his face, the black baseball cap he was wearing was askew, his chest was rising and falling rapidly, and when I looked down, I could see he was holding his side. A puddle of blood was beneath him.
My eyes got wide as I saw the blood and heard another blast go off. Another scream followed it. I started to open my mouth to scream for help, to scream out of fear, to scream just because I was terrified and disoriented, but the blue eyes staring right into mine widened in fear, making me freeze. I closed my mouth, and he nodded infinitesimally.
I started to push Will off of me, not sure why he wasn’t moving. I needed to get up. I needed to get out of there. I needed to run. Didn’t he realize that? Why wasn’t he moving?
“Stop,” the boy with the blue eyes hissed, and there was so much fear in his voice that I did what he said.
I didn’t understand why he was telling me to stop, but I listened. I froze, stayed where I was, trapped beneath Will. I couldn’t move. My head ached. It felt like it was literally split open. I figured I must have smacked it against the floor when Will had fallen on top of me. Why had he fallen? Why wasn’t he getting up? Why wasn’t he moving?
I heard another bang. It sounded like a car backfiring, and I jumped inside my skin. I saw tears fill the blue eyes that I couldn’t stop looking at, because at that moment, they were grounding me at a time when I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew enough to be afraid. The look in those eyes told me to be afraid. And in that second, I realized what the loud bangs were.
Panic flooded me as I registered the voice of a guy shouting, barking orders, making demands. Blood flooded my ears, distorting my hearing. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but something told me I didn’t want to know. Nearby I could hear someone crying, but another loud bang silenced those cries, and I fought to not think about what had just happened less than ten feet from me.
My eyes darted to the left but I couldn’t see anything.
“Look at me,” I heard from the boy with the blue eyes, and I shifted my gaze back to him, grateful for something to focus on other than the terror surrounding me.
“Are you okay?” I asked him as softly as I could.
“No.” He shook his head infinitesimally where it rested on the floor, and then he swallowed hard as if it was difficult for him.
“Are you scared?”
I saw more tears fill his eyes, spill over and splash to the floor as he nodded. “Stay with me,” he pleaded, his voice so raspy and strained.
“I will,” I promised, even though it was getting increasingly difficult to keep my mind focused. I was drifting, but I would do everything I could not to let him go.
He nodded, his gaze never leaving mine.
A few seconds later, panic registered on his face, putting me on high alert. Then I heard footsteps coming closer, boots thumping on the tile floor, and the boy looked at me once more with such desperation before he closed his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes, the only things that had been keeping me grounded, were suddenly shut off to me.
Then he mumbled, “Play dead,” through barely opened lips.
I did exactly what he said. I lay there as still and as limp as I could. I closed my eyes, and I started to silently pray. The footsteps were slow, deliberate, and they vibrated through the tile floor around me. I held my breath, kept as still as possible and tried to do exactly what the boy had told me. It wasn’t hard, I was starting to drift, to lose consciousness. I fought to stay alert so I could hear what was going on, but I was fighting a losing battle.
The footsteps stopped. I could feel the presence of those boots near my head. I stayed still. I didn’t move. I played dead.
Then I heard Marley. She was softly calling out to Aiden. I didn’t know where she was, where Aiden was or if he was dead or alive. But I knew her voice so well that I could tell it was her, and in that moment, I wanted to scream at her to shut up, but I didn’t dare move. I didn’t say a word.
Then the voice from before, now right above me, shouted, “Shut the fuck up. I will kill you.”
Marley started to cry. Then she was begging for her life, and I wanted to cry too. I wanted to scream at him to leave her alone, but I forced myself to stay quiet.
“Fucking cunt,” the voice above me muttered, and then he stalked away from me, his footsteps receding.
He kept telling Marley to shut up. Then I heard Aiden’s voice. And then there was another gunshot. Marley screamed, and I started to shake as I knew what had happened. My breath started coming in shallow bursts, tears threatened to spill from my closed eyes, but I was afraid to move, afraid the guy with the gun would come back, that he would know I wasn’t dead, and then he would kill me too. My head was on fire, and I couldn’t see anything, but I knew exactly what was happening. I could picture it clearly in my mind’s eye.
I couldn’t hear movement from next to me. I had no idea if the boy with the blue eyes was dead or alive. He’d been bleeding so badly. I didn’t know where my other friends were, if they were okay. All I knew was that I’d never been so scared in my life, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Then slowly, as if the world was fading away, I started to lose consciousness. Just as I blacked out, I heard what I thought was another gunshot, and all I could think was, Please don’t let it be Marley.
Chapter One
Cassie
“Come on, Cass,” my best friend Marley yelled back at me.
I raced through the snow to catch up to her, practically falling over from the amount of Captain Morgan I’d consumed. It was Friday, I’d finished class earlier in the day, and Marley and I had been celebrating the start of the weekend for several hours. In front of me I heard Aiden, Marley’s boyfriend, laughing as he tripped over something in the street – possibly his own feet – and I watched his younger brother Reese elbow him, which only made him laugh harder.
I heard more laughter behind me as Will Stephens burst out of the fraternity house and yelled, “Kiss my ass, Maxwell!” to one of the brothers still inside.
He caught up to me quickly since my ballet flats were slipping and sliding over the snow covered ground that was only growing whiter from the falling flakes. Will’s arm looped around my waist, and I squealed as he lifted me off the ground and started to run with me like a football.
“Will, put me down!” I shrieked, which made Marley turn around and grin at me.
“How you ever landed the hottest guy in Alpha Phi Beta, I’ll never know,” she yelled at me, hands on her hips, a wide smile on her face.
I just laughed. It was all I could do. But I agreed with her. Will was the hottest guy in the best frat at Coleman College. I knew just how lucky I was every time I looked at him.
“Hey,” Aiden said, elbowing his girlfriend in the ribs. “I thought I was the hottest guy in APB. That’s what you told me.”
Marley laughed and turned to him. “Sorry, but Will’s hotter,” she said, as she planted her hands on her knees and gasped for breath.
“Dude, that burns,” Reese chimed in, and Aiden turned to him. Reese grinned, taunting him.
“Fuck you, pledge. Go get me another drink,” Aiden snapped playfully at him.
Reese laughed. “My pledge hazing ended last semester after initiation, fucker. Get your own drink.”
Will slowly skidded to a stop when we reached our friends, and he set me down, spun me around and smiled at me. “The hottest guy in the frat, huh?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not?” I said nonchalantly. It wasn’t like it was a surprise that I thought Will was hot. Everyone thought that. I wasn’t in the minority.
A smirk crept up on his face, the dimples on either side of his smile popping. “Good thing I’m with the hottest girl on campus then.”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. Will Stephens had a way of getting under my skin in a really good way. He was hot and sexy with light brown hair that he wore on the long side. And he was tall and muscular with really sexy legs that mesmerized me when I watched him play indoor intramural soccer. I’d wanted him for a year and a half, ever since Bid Day when I’d been running across campus with Marley after we found out we’d gotten into Gamma Pi.
The frat guys had all lined up on the route that the sorority girls would take to their respective houses, and of course I’d looked over because when hundreds of hot guys are right there, you turn and look. I saw Will looking all tan and beautiful, and then I’d promptly tripped and ran into the poor girl in front of me who’d gone flying into the girl next to her, and we’d all landed in a heap on the ground. My face turned bright red. I’d literally never been so mortified in my life.
I could have slunk away in shame, but instead I looked up and made eye contact with Will who was smirking at me as if he found my gracelessness adorable. I smiled, and he winked at me, forever cementing the most adorable meet-cute I’d ever experienced.
Then, before I knew what was happening, Marley was yelling ‘Sorry!’ to the girls I’d taken out, yanking me to my feet, and we were running toward the Gamma Pi house once more, leaving behind just about the cutest guy I’d ever laid eyes on. But I felt him staring, his eyes burning into the back of my head as I raced away with my best friend’s hand in
mine.
I thought about Will – before I’d even known that was his name – all night as I met my new sisters and celebrated my first day as a Gamma Pi. I was dying to know who he was and what house he was in. I’d never met a guy who took my breath away like he did, without even saying a word.
So of course I did what any girl would do. I dragged Marley around to every frat party on campus over the next few weekends until we ended up at APB. I experienced a joyfully giddy feeling of relief when I spotted Will across the room, drinking a beer and laughing with a brunette who was coyly leaning into him. I was so excited that I’d finally found him, knowing we were destined to be together. But as fate would have it, I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him that night, since he disappeared upstairs with the girl before I could work up the nerve to introduce myself.
Fate was a bitch, but I wasn’t going to let her take me down. I vowed the next time I saw Will – which was going to be the next weekend since Marley and I were definitely going back to APB – I was going to talk to him. I wasn’t going to let my fear of embarrassing myself further, or getting spectacularly tongue-tied, get in my way. I was going to be cool and confident and flirt with him.
Paper AirplanesPaper AirplanesI’d never been afraid of guys. I’d grown up being friends with the jocks at my high school, so hot, arrogant, beautiful boys had never rattled me. But for some reason, Will Stephens made my mouth dry and my hands sweaty and my brain empty of witty things to say. In my eyes he was perfect. And because of this, my vow ran empty, and I completely chickened out time and again when the opportunity to introduce myself came up.
Weekend after weekend I’d watch him flirt with girl after girl until he started to only flirt with one. Isabella Thomas was beautiful in such an effortless way. She was a volleyball player, so she was tall and lean and strong. She wore hardly any make-up, because she didn’t need it. And I couldn’t even hate her, because she was funny and nice and so incredibly genuine that everyone loved her.
I wanted to hate her, because she’d stolen the guy I’d been crushing on for months, but I couldn’t do it. You couldn’t hate Isabella Thomas. And I really couldn’t hate her after one night in March when she’d held my hair back for me when I’d been puking in the bushes outside the APB house. In truth I sort of owed her a debt of gratitude.
Marley and I had started hanging out there regularly since she had started dating Aiden Keller. I found the fact that she was dating a brother a great excuse for me to not look like a stalker. I was there because of Marley – or at least that’s what everyone thought. Secretly I was keeping a watchful eye on Will, waiting for the day he’d be single again. But it didn’t seem like that was going to happen anytime soon, and since there was always beer flowing at those parties, and I liked to drink, I imbibed – a lot.
Hence the reason I got sick. I’d gone a little nuts celebrating the start of Spring Break, and Isabella just happened to be there. She couldn’t have been nicer to me, holding my hair back, and then giving me a piece of gum and a bottle of water as I sat on the porch and waited for the world to stop violently spinning long enough for me to walk back to my dorm. Since Marley was lost somewhere with Aiden, I was just going to walk home alone before Isabella asked her hot boyfriend, Will Stephens, to drive me home.
Awesome.
After seven months of crushing on the hottest guy I’d ever seen, I finally met him after I’d vomited in his bushes, was drunk as shit and had raccoon eyes from my make-up running. It was not a shining moment for me.
After Will drove me home, Isabella walked me to my dorm and made sure I got up to my room safely. I really couldn’t hate her after that. I wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there, but that wasn’t really an option either.
A few weeks later I was brave enough to show my face at APB again, hoping no one would remember that I was the girl who couldn’t hold her liquor. And thankfully, because a lot of girls had puked before and after me in those same bushes, no one really remembered – except for Will. It would be fitting that he would be the only person to remember my least triumphant moment ever.
In fact the next time I saw him, he sauntered up to me – because once someone drives your drunk ass home, you’re obviously now friends – and he took my beer right out of my hands before he gave me one of his heartbreaker, panty-dropping smiles.
“Are you planning to repeat what happened a few weeks ago?” he asked me.
My face turned bright red. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. “I sincerely hope not,” I said honestly.
He nodded. “How much have you had?”
“That’s my second.”
He handed my beer back to me. “Okay, I think you’re alright, but if you find your vision getting blurred or if there are suddenly two of me, it’s time to stop.”
I wished there were two of him. Then I could have one and Isabella could keep the other.
“You can rest assured that I’m not doing that again,” I told him honestly, because spending a full Sunday in bed with the worst hangover in the history of the world hadn’t been fun. I was proceeding with caution from there on out.
Will shrugged. “It’s college. It happens.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so we just stood there and stared at each other for a few moments as the awkward silence started to swirl around us.
“Thank you for driving me home,” I finally said, for lack of anything more insightful. “I really appreciated it.”
He smiled. “I’ve been there. I figured it was the least I could do.” Then he clinked his red Solo cup against mine. “And no one’s going to fault you for living it up. Like I said, this is college. You’re supposed to have fun,” he said. Then he winked at me and walked away.
Will was one of the most laid back people I’d ever met in my life. Not that he was lazy, but he had this way of looking at life differently. He never let things get too heavy. I saw this over and over again as we became friends. Nothing fazed him – or that’s at least what he wanted people to think. If you didn’t know Will, you’d think he never let anything get to him, but I knew him well enough to know when he was putting up a major façade.
It happened from time to time when shit hit the proverbial fan, but no time was more memorable than the day after Isabella had broken up with him. I could tell he was torn up about it, but he’d never have admitted it outright.
It was November, and after Aiden told me what had happened, I went searching for Will to make sure he was okay. Aiden told me he was fine, that Will wasn’t upset, but I knew better. We were good friends by that point, so I knew how he felt about Isabella. For some reason, I was the only person who Will ever opened up to. We’d had long talks about Isabella. I knew he loved her, so I knew how he must have been feeling. She’d broken his heart.
I found him on the rooftop deck in the thirty degree weather drinking a SoCo and Seven, his drink of choice. When I walked outside, he turned to me with a glazed look in his eyes.
“Hey Witter,” he said nonchalantly, calling me by my last name like he always had.
“Hey Will,” I said, pulling my coat around me as I sat in the rocking chair next to his. Why the guys had dragged rocking chairs up on the roof was beyond me, but they’d been there since I’d started hanging out at APB. “How are you?”
He shrugged as if he was fine. “I’m single.”
“That’s not an emotion,” I told him, and he just grinned at me before taking a long sip of his drink.
“Tis how I feel in this moment in time,” he said with just a touch of moroseness in his voice, but his statement was more factual. “Single. I was single for a long time, and then I met her, and I didn’t want to be single anymore. I still don’t want to be single.”
That was sad. I felt bad for him.
“What happened?”
I was curious to know because I’d just seen the two of them the weekend before, and they’d seemed happy. Had she cheated on him?
He shrugged. “She’s graduating in December and moving to Texas. She doesn’t want to do long distance.”
“Long distance is hard,” I agreed, not sure if I could do it.
“I love her,” he said, showing me just how vulnerable he really was in the moment.
“I know you do.”
He turned to look at me then. “Do you think she loves me?”
I nodded. “Yeah, Will. I think she does.”
I knew she did.
“But she doesn’t want to be with me. She wants to grow up, work a fancy job and be an adult,” he said as if it was the worst idea in the world.
“We all have to grow up sometime,” I told him, and he just shrugged.
“I’d rather stay young and immature. It suits me better,” he said honestly, and I laughed around a shiver as my body convulsed from the cold.
“There will be other girls,” I told him, as I nudged his shoulder, knowing it was true. A thousand girls would have given their right arm to be with Will Stephens, including me.
“That is true,” he said, angling his drink toward me in acknowledgement. “You’re so right.”
“I know I am,” I said, hugging myself tighter.
The wind was whipping around the roof making it almost unbearable to sit up there. I was afraid Will was going to get hypothermia if he stayed up there much longer without a jacket on.
“Why don’t we go inside?” I suggested.
“Nah. I’m good,” he said, rocking back and forth slowly, his gaze fixed on a middle-distance in the dark night.
“Okay, well, I think I’m going to head in.”
He nodded. “You do that.”
“Do you want me to bring you your coat?” I asked him as I got up from the rocking chair.
“No thanks.”
“Okay, well, come find me when you come back in. We’ll do shots or something.”
He nodded but didn’t look back at me. “It’s a plan.”
As I headed back inside, he called out to me.
“Hey Witter?”
I turned to look at him. “Yeah?”
“Thanks,” he said and shot me a small smile.
“You’re welcome,” I said, nodding in acknowledgement.
I could have said a million other things in that moment. I could have told him that he could come to me if he needed to talk, if he needed a friend. I could have told him that Isabella was an idiot and he deserved better. I could have told him that break-ups suck and it would get better, but I knew I couldn’t do that with Will. He didn’t want to talk about dark things. He wanted to pretend that everything was fine and his heartbreak could be cured by turning the other cheek and drinking a strong drink. I had to admit, it was a pretty awesome outlook to have. Why waste time on things that made you sad when you could push them down and away? Why dwell?
If only it were that easy.
And after that night, Will seemed to be in a better place. I knew he was still hurting because I’d catch glimpses of the darkness that would flash across his face at odd moments, but he never wanted to talk about how he was feeling. He just acted like everything was great, and because I knew that’s what he needed, I did the same.
Right before we all left to go to our respective hometowns for Christmas break, Marley and I went over to the APB house so she could see Aiden. I ran into Will who convinced me to come up to his room to hang out while Marley and Aiden had ‘quality time’ together. We both knew what that meant and how long they’d take. It wasn’t the first time I’d hung out with Will while I waited for Marley.
But instead of the platonic TV watching we usually engaged in, Will kissed me that night as we watched Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and drank Coors Light. It was the last thing I’d expected since I’d hung out with him too many times to count without him ever making a move. We kissed for a long time, and for as experienced as I knew him to be, I expected him to urge me to take things further, but he didn’t. He just kissed me, seemingly content to do that all night.
And before we said goodnight, because I wasn’t about to ruin things by spending the night so early on in what I hoped was going to be a relationship, Will walked me downstairs and out to where my car was parked. Marley had decided to stay the night with Aiden, so I was going back to our apartment alone. Will kissed me and told me he’d call me over break.
I looked up at him then, needing to ask, because I couldn’t go home for three weeks without knowing. “What is this?”
He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me before adjusting the beanie I was wearing. The temperature was close to freezing, and snow was expected to fall overnight.
“At the moment or in the larger sense of the word?” he asked.
I shot him a knowing look. “The larger sense, obviously. You’ve never kissed me before.”
He looked amused by my question. “Do we need to define what we’re doing?”
It was such a typical Will response.
I shrugged. “I guess not, but I think I need to know that I’m not a rebound for you.”
He sighed, his breath visible in the cold night air as his hands slid up and cupped my upper arms. “I like you, Cassie. I’ve always liked you, but if you want me to tell you I’m completely over Isabella, I can’t do that. I want to be. I want to move on and let go of her, and I was sort of hoping you’d be the girl who’d help me do that. But I’ll understand if you’re not cool with my baggage.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a guy be so honest with me. I hadn’t expected that from Will. “What does that mean?”
I needed to hear that he wasn’t just looking for something physical. I couldn’t do that. I was already emotionally invested in him. I wouldn’t do just sex.
He dropped his hands then and pulled something out of his pocket. Then he put it in my hand and folded my fingers into a fist around it. I looked down at his hand clenched around mine for a few seconds before I looked up and met his bright-eyed gaze. His brown eyes sparkled as he watched me.
“Open it,” he said instead of answering my question.
I did, slowly unfolding my fingers to reveal a single charm in the shape of a triangle on a chain. There were some variations to the triangle, some folds, making it look like a paper airplane. I looked up at him in question.
“Is it a paper airplane?”
He nodded once. “It’s supposed to be symbolic of being separated from someone you care about. I figured you could wear it over break and think about me.” His eyes shifted away from me for a few seconds before shifting back to meet my gaze. “Give me a chance, Cassie.”
“So this isn’t just a hook up?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want it to be,” he said, and then he kissed me.
I knew right then and there that given the chance, I was going to fall hard for Will Stephens. No one had ever given me such a thoughtful and meaningful gift. And he’d bought it before that night, almost as if he’d known we were going to get together. And that meant more to me than the gift itself.
Everything changed after that night. Suddenly I was Will Stephens’ girlfriend, a spot I’d coveted for a year and a half. I finally had the boy I’d been dreaming about for far too long. Of course it was different on the inside looking out than I’d imagined it to be. Will was broken. Isabella had done a serious number on him, but like he told me he wanted to, he tried to move forward. I could see that, and it meant everything to me.
In some ways it was good that we were separated at the start of our relationship because it gave us time to settle in to knowing each other in a different way. We talked a lot over break, almost every day, and when I got back to school things were good. We’d been together for just five weeks the night we’d gone racing out of the frat house in the snow, and even though Will wasn’t perfect, I already had really strong feelings for him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with him. Hell, I was practically already there.
“I always get the hottest guys, haven’t you realized that yet?” I yelled to my best friend who burst out laughing as Will looked down at me and smiled.
I reached up and straightened the gray beanie I was wearing over my blond hair, trying to block out some of the cold night air. I’d straightened my curly hair earlier in the day, but it had started to annoy me, so I’d pulled it back into a bun at the nape of my neck and shoved my favorite beanie on my head. Just a few pieces of escaped hair were blowing against my face in the cold wind. Will brushed one off of my cheek.
“And I always get the hottest girls,” he said, planting a kiss on my ice cold lips.
His mouth was warm as his tongue snaked its way into my mouth, claiming me and causing me to forget that it was below freezing and snowing outside, and I wasn’t wearing shoes conducive to either. I didn’t care. When Will kissed me, everything else faded away.
“You live a charmed life, my friend,” Marley said from behind me, and she was right.
My life so far had been perfect. I wouldn’t have changed one thing about it. I had a hot new boyfriend, amazing friends, and I was loving my collegiate experience. I couldn’t have been happier.
“Okay, seriously, what are we doing out here? It’s fucking freezing,” Reese complained, as we started walking toward the dining hall.
Will took my hand in his as we walked. “It’s cold,” I said, huddling against him.
He chuckled as he pulled me closer, his lips landing on my temple. “I’ll keep you warm.”
I smiled, feeling so lucky in that moment.
“Yeah, why are we out here?” Marley complained, trailing along behind Aiden.
“We’re starving and we need snacks, obviously,” Aiden chimed in as he shoved his brother and pulled his girlfriend into his arms. “I’m hungry, and the dining hall is the closest option we have.”
“And we already have drinks,” Will said, pulling a flask from his pocket. He took a swig and handed it to me. He winked. “Live it up while you’re young, right?”
“Right,” I told him, because I knew he needed to hear it.
Will was a senior, and he was dreading graduating at the end of the summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to stretch out school for another few years, and I couldn’t blame him. I was only a sophomore, but I knew how crazy it could be in the real world. We had it good with our charmed life in our little, safe bubble.
Or at least we thought we did.
That evening, in the freezing January cold, drunk with my friends and living life to its fullest, I thought we were untouchable. Little did I know that just a few minutes later, everything was going to come crashing down around us.
“I want ice cream,” Reese called out when we entered the packed dining hall, heading for the back.
“Get me some too,” Aiden called after him, heading toward the hot food line with Marley trailing behind him saying something about wanting mac and cheese.
“What do you want, Witter?” Will asked me.
I smiled at him. “Definitely not ice cream. I want French fries and gravy.”
He smiled back at me, and leaned over to kiss my temple.
It was then that I heard a blood-curling scream that made my heart stop beating for several seconds. It was cut off by the loudest sound I’d ever heard, several loud bangs in quick succession, and before I knew it, I was on the floor, and Will was on top of me.
I heard shouting and screaming and crying, but I was disoriented. Something wet was soaking through my jacket and dripping down the side of my face, the side of my head was on fire all of a sudden, and Will’s weight was crushing me. I couldn’t move.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
More screams. People were crying and running and chairs were scraping. Someone nearby was shouting for everyone to shut the fuck up. His voice was followed by two more bangs. Then the room fell eerily silent. Something told me I needed to get out of there. I needed to run. Something bad was happening, but my brain couldn’t engage what it was.
“Will,” I groaned, but he didn’t seem hear me. I tried to push him off of me, but I couldn’t. I felt like my head was going to split open. It was burning and aching at the same time, and a wave of nausea was rolling through me. “Will.”
“Shut up,” someone hissed to my right, and I turned my head even though it hurt to do it.
I came face to face with a pair of bright blue eyes and a panicked expression. The guy was lying on the floor, part of his body obstructed from my view by the legs of a chair and a backpack. He had a smear of blood on his face, the black baseball cap he was wearing was askew, his chest was rising and falling rapidly, and when I looked down, I could see he was holding his side. A puddle of blood was beneath him.
My eyes got wide as I saw the blood and heard another blast go off. Another scream followed it. I started to open my mouth to scream for help, to scream out of fear, to scream just because I was terrified and disoriented, but the blue eyes staring right into mine widened in fear, making me freeze. I closed my mouth, and he nodded infinitesimally.
I started to push Will off of me, not sure why he wasn’t moving. I needed to get up. I needed to get out of there. I needed to run. Didn’t he realize that? Why wasn’t he moving?
“Stop,” the boy with the blue eyes hissed, and there was so much fear in his voice that I did what he said.
I didn’t understand why he was telling me to stop, but I listened. I froze, stayed where I was, trapped beneath Will. I couldn’t move. My head ached. It felt like it was literally split open. I figured I must have smacked it against the floor when Will had fallen on top of me. Why had he fallen? Why wasn’t he getting up? Why wasn’t he moving?
I heard another bang. It sounded like a car backfiring, and I jumped inside my skin. I saw tears fill the blue eyes that I couldn’t stop looking at, because at that moment, they were grounding me at a time when I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew enough to be afraid. The look in those eyes told me to be afraid. And in that second, I realized what the loud bangs were.
Panic flooded me as I registered the voice of a guy shouting, barking orders, making demands. Blood flooded my ears, distorting my hearing. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but something told me I didn’t want to know. Nearby I could hear someone crying, but another loud bang silenced those cries, and I fought to not think about what had just happened less than ten feet from me.
My eyes darted to the left but I couldn’t see anything.
“Look at me,” I heard from the boy with the blue eyes, and I shifted my gaze back to him, grateful for something to focus on other than the terror surrounding me.
“Are you okay?” I asked him as softly as I could.
“No.” He shook his head infinitesimally where it rested on the floor, and then he swallowed hard as if it was difficult for him.
“Are you scared?”
I saw more tears fill his eyes, spill over and splash to the floor as he nodded. “Stay with me,” he pleaded, his voice so raspy and strained.
“I will,” I promised, even though it was getting increasingly difficult to keep my mind focused. I was drifting, but I would do everything I could not to let him go.
He nodded, his gaze never leaving mine.
A few seconds later, panic registered on his face, putting me on high alert. Then I heard footsteps coming closer, boots thumping on the tile floor, and the boy looked at me once more with such desperation before he closed his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes, the only things that had been keeping me grounded, were suddenly shut off to me.
Then he mumbled, “Play dead,” through barely opened lips.
I did exactly what he said. I lay there as still and as limp as I could. I closed my eyes, and I started to silently pray. The footsteps were slow, deliberate, and they vibrated through the tile floor around me. I held my breath, kept as still as possible and tried to do exactly what the boy had told me. It wasn’t hard, I was starting to drift, to lose consciousness. I fought to stay alert so I could hear what was going on, but I was fighting a losing battle.
The footsteps stopped. I could feel the presence of those boots near my head. I stayed still. I didn’t move. I played dead.
Then I heard Marley. She was softly calling out to Aiden. I didn’t know where she was, where Aiden was or if he was dead or alive. But I knew her voice so well that I could tell it was her, and in that moment, I wanted to scream at her to shut up, but I didn’t dare move. I didn’t say a word.
Then the voice from before, now right above me, shouted, “Shut the fuck up. I will kill you.”
Marley started to cry. Then she was begging for her life, and I wanted to cry too. I wanted to scream at him to leave her alone, but I forced myself to stay quiet.
“Fucking cunt,” the voice above me muttered, and then he stalked away from me, his footsteps receding.
He kept telling Marley to shut up. Then I heard Aiden’s voice. And then there was another gunshot. Marley screamed, and I started to shake as I knew what had happened. My breath started coming in shallow bursts, tears threatened to spill from my closed eyes, but I was afraid to move, afraid the guy with the gun would come back, that he would know I wasn’t dead, and then he would kill me too. My head was on fire, and I couldn’t see anything, but I knew exactly what was happening. I could picture it clearly in my mind’s eye.
I couldn’t hear movement from next to me. I had no idea if the boy with the blue eyes was dead or alive. He’d been bleeding so badly. I didn’t know where my other friends were, if they were okay. All I knew was that I’d never been so scared in my life, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Then slowly, as if the world was fading away, I started to lose consciousness. Just as I blacked out, I heard what I thought was another gunshot, and all I could think was, Please don’t let it be Marley.
May 29, 2014
Influences
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the people who’ve influenced my writing. As I’ve said many times before, a lot of my current inspiration comes from the music I listen to, and I could go on about the songs that have triggered an idea for a particular book, but when I really think about who shaped the way I write today and the stories I want to tell, there are some specific people that come to mind. And they’re the authors that I fell in love with years ago. I figured I’d share a little about the books they wrote that became my favorites and ultimately shaped what I would write years later.
As a kid, I loved to read, but probably very similar to a lot of people, once I hit college, reading for pleasure no longer became a luxury I could afford – at least from a time standpoint. I was busy with classes and forced to read things that definitely weren’t as inspiring as what I would have picked off of a shelf at the bookstore. Work and my sorority and clubs and boys and all those other things that compete for your time when you’re in college also took a front seat, and I didn’t read hardly as much as I used to.
Then in 2001, I was living in Boston, and a nor’easter was scheduled to hit the city overnight. My office was going to be closed the next day, and in fact, we were closing early so everyone could get home before the storm hit. I was living on my own for the first time in years, so I couldn’t go stay with relatives. And with the city basically shut down for a day and a half, I figured I’d better be prepared to hunker down.
So as I was leaving my office building in the Prudential Center, all set to stop by Star Market and stock up on food, I walked by a Barnes and Noble. I figured a book might be good since the cable could possibly go out, and the last thing I wanted was to be bored. On one of the first tables, there was a new genre called “Chick-Lit” that I’d never heard of before. The book covers were bright pinks and blues and greens and yellows and oranges, and they had fun, girly covers. I was immediately drawn in to these veritable shiny objects – I still suffer from that syndrome today. But it was there that picked up The Cigarette Girl by Carol Wolper. It seemed fun and the lead female promised to be a feisty, strong woman – a very cool role model to a girl in her early twenties who was still trying to figure out who she was.
I probably read the entire book the next day. It had a very similar vibe to Sex and the City, and I was obsessed with that show back then. I fell in love with the idea of a girl who was independent and went after what she wanted, especially in love, and the book ended with a happy ending tied with a pink bow. I knew then that I was hooked, and I can remember wanting to go back to this Barnes and Noble once the city was open again, so I could find more literary gold. Because let’s face it, I’m not deep when it comes to what I like to read. I like stories that have twists and turns but ultimately end with the characters in love. I don’t want to be depressed when I read. I want to be happy, and this genre delivered on that exact feeling.
I went back to that Barnes and Noble on a regular basis and worked my way through so many novels that I probably couldn’t remember all of them if I tried –a lot were from the publisher Red Dress Ink – remember them? They put out some awesome Chick-Lit. But it was from that one story (not a Red Dress Ink novel) that my obsession with reading was revitalized.
So here are some of my favorites authors from way back when that I still love to read today. Check them out if you’ve never read these books before. Hopefully you’ll find something you love too.
Emily Giffin
Baby Proof
Something Borrowed
Something Blue
Lauren Weisberger
Everyone Worth Knowing
Last Night at Chateau Marmont
Sophie Kinsella
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Can You Keep a Secret?
Megan Crane
English as a Second Language
Frenemies
Melissa Senate
See Jane Date
The Solomon Sisters Wise Up
Sarah Mlynowski
Milkrun
Monkey Business
Wendy Markham
The Slightly Single Series
Kim Gruenenfelder
A Total Waste of Make-up
Misery Loves Cabernet
Liza Palmer
Seeing Me Naked
Sarah Dessen
Just Listen
This Lullaby
Lock and Key
What Happened to Goodbye
As a kid, I loved to read, but probably very similar to a lot of people, once I hit college, reading for pleasure no longer became a luxury I could afford – at least from a time standpoint. I was busy with classes and forced to read things that definitely weren’t as inspiring as what I would have picked off of a shelf at the bookstore. Work and my sorority and clubs and boys and all those other things that compete for your time when you’re in college also took a front seat, and I didn’t read hardly as much as I used to.
Then in 2001, I was living in Boston, and a nor’easter was scheduled to hit the city overnight. My office was going to be closed the next day, and in fact, we were closing early so everyone could get home before the storm hit. I was living on my own for the first time in years, so I couldn’t go stay with relatives. And with the city basically shut down for a day and a half, I figured I’d better be prepared to hunker down.
So as I was leaving my office building in the Prudential Center, all set to stop by Star Market and stock up on food, I walked by a Barnes and Noble. I figured a book might be good since the cable could possibly go out, and the last thing I wanted was to be bored. On one of the first tables, there was a new genre called “Chick-Lit” that I’d never heard of before. The book covers were bright pinks and blues and greens and yellows and oranges, and they had fun, girly covers. I was immediately drawn in to these veritable shiny objects – I still suffer from that syndrome today. But it was there that picked up The Cigarette Girl by Carol Wolper. It seemed fun and the lead female promised to be a feisty, strong woman – a very cool role model to a girl in her early twenties who was still trying to figure out who she was.
I probably read the entire book the next day. It had a very similar vibe to Sex and the City, and I was obsessed with that show back then. I fell in love with the idea of a girl who was independent and went after what she wanted, especially in love, and the book ended with a happy ending tied with a pink bow. I knew then that I was hooked, and I can remember wanting to go back to this Barnes and Noble once the city was open again, so I could find more literary gold. Because let’s face it, I’m not deep when it comes to what I like to read. I like stories that have twists and turns but ultimately end with the characters in love. I don’t want to be depressed when I read. I want to be happy, and this genre delivered on that exact feeling.
I went back to that Barnes and Noble on a regular basis and worked my way through so many novels that I probably couldn’t remember all of them if I tried –a lot were from the publisher Red Dress Ink – remember them? They put out some awesome Chick-Lit. But it was from that one story (not a Red Dress Ink novel) that my obsession with reading was revitalized.
So here are some of my favorites authors from way back when that I still love to read today. Check them out if you’ve never read these books before. Hopefully you’ll find something you love too.
Emily Giffin
Baby Proof
Something Borrowed
Something Blue
Lauren Weisberger
Everyone Worth Knowing
Last Night at Chateau Marmont
Sophie Kinsella
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Can You Keep a Secret?
Megan Crane
English as a Second Language
Frenemies
Melissa Senate
See Jane Date
The Solomon Sisters Wise Up
Sarah Mlynowski
Milkrun
Monkey Business
Wendy Markham
The Slightly Single Series
Kim Gruenenfelder
A Total Waste of Make-up
Misery Loves Cabernet
Liza Palmer
Seeing Me Naked
Sarah Dessen
Just Listen
This Lullaby
Lock and Key
What Happened to Goodbye
May 9, 2014
So, here's what happened . . .
After I published Paper Airplanes, I started writing this new book. And I loved the story, but what I soon realized was that the characters in this book had a fairly extensive backstory. So I started putting in flashback scenes, but then I realized that there were so many of them, and they made the book uber confusing, which is seriously not good from a reader standpoint. So I made the call to put the book on hold and essentially write the full backstory first. It's almost three hundred pages today, and I'm not finished editing/enhancing, so it'll be worthy of a full book by the time it's done.
So, the moral of this story is, it's probably best that I took this step. The book is called Dancing With Monsters, and it's about facing down the things in life that scare you most, made easier when you have someone by your side to hold your hand. I love it so far, and I love the sequel to it even more!
My plan is to get the first book out by June 16th and then get the sequel out soon after. I know readers hate to wait for follow-up books, but in this case, it had to be done, or one book would have been over six hundred pages. I just couldn't do that to you guys.
So check it out! Here's the GR link:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
So, the moral of this story is, it's probably best that I took this step. The book is called Dancing With Monsters, and it's about facing down the things in life that scare you most, made easier when you have someone by your side to hold your hand. I love it so far, and I love the sequel to it even more!
My plan is to get the first book out by June 16th and then get the sequel out soon after. I know readers hate to wait for follow-up books, but in this case, it had to be done, or one book would have been over six hundred pages. I just couldn't do that to you guys.
So check it out! Here's the GR link:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
February 19, 2014
Books to Movies - Good or Bad?
As a reader, I have to say I absolutely love when my favorite books are made into movies, and it seems that here lately, it’s been happening a lot. Definite points scored for the outweighing merits of the literary world. But seriously, what better than to see your favorite characters and the scenes that stuck with you brought to life on the big screen.
Of course, truth be told, after the first Twilight movie, I sort of lost my faith that books could ever be turned into movies worthy of the original telling of the story. But, the fatal mistake I made was usually re-reading a book right before I saw the movie. Well, no wonder I was disappointed – except for Twilight, because I take serious issue when directors so grossly change pertinent parts of the story and add scenes don’t enhance it in the least. At least the producers got smart after a while, and the last few films much closer resembled the books. But I digress . . .
Everyone always says, “The movie wasn’t as good as the book.” Well, yeah, when has the movie EVER been better than the book? It’s never going to be, so stop setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. With this thought process in mind, I started a new pattern and a new mantra, or I knew I would find myself supremely disappointed any time I went to see an adapted book. As a standing rule, if I can help it, I try to read the book way before the movie comes out, and I don’t re-read it. That way I don’t always remember the infinite details that were enhanced to make the storyline more exciting or the things that were left out so the movie isn’t a five hour epic, and I can actually enjoy it for what it is – a great compliment to a book a loved. It’s not a full-proof plan, but it’s worked so far. And outside of The Host, which was one of my favorite books and one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen, I’ve had good luck with this practice.
Here are some of the more recent movies I’d recommend since they did alright taking what I saw in my head onto the big screen. None of these were perfect, but most things rarely are.
Vampire Academy - I loved Rose and Dmitri’s storyline from the start, and always wanted to see this movie adapted. The trailer made me hedge, because it looked kind of cheesy, but in all honesty, the movie was great. It was spot on with the storyline for the most part, the actors played the parts exactly as they had in the book, and there was pop culture humor interjected throughout the dialogue, which is always a plus for me.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones - This movie was one of my favorite adaptations since it took a seemingly complex storyline with a lot of moving pieces and brought it to life. Again, the characters were exactly like I’d imagined, and although there were a few liberties taken with the plot, I didn’t think they hurt the story. My only complaint was that you didn’t get to feel the chemistry between Jace and Clary as much as in the book. They definitely could have done more with that huge piece of the larger story.
The Hunger Games & Catching Fire - Lesson learned from the Twilight franchise, apparently, as this series couldn’t have been more spot on. The details were exactly how I’d pictured them, and the story flowed so well.
A few years ago when all of these supernatural themed teen books came out, I read them alongside everyone else, but I got away from the genre and don’t read it as much anymore. But I think there are a lot of great series’ out there that I’m hoping will be made into movies down the road. Like I said, it’s always great to see the characters you loved in real time – as long as it’s done right.
Of course, truth be told, after the first Twilight movie, I sort of lost my faith that books could ever be turned into movies worthy of the original telling of the story. But, the fatal mistake I made was usually re-reading a book right before I saw the movie. Well, no wonder I was disappointed – except for Twilight, because I take serious issue when directors so grossly change pertinent parts of the story and add scenes don’t enhance it in the least. At least the producers got smart after a while, and the last few films much closer resembled the books. But I digress . . .
Everyone always says, “The movie wasn’t as good as the book.” Well, yeah, when has the movie EVER been better than the book? It’s never going to be, so stop setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. With this thought process in mind, I started a new pattern and a new mantra, or I knew I would find myself supremely disappointed any time I went to see an adapted book. As a standing rule, if I can help it, I try to read the book way before the movie comes out, and I don’t re-read it. That way I don’t always remember the infinite details that were enhanced to make the storyline more exciting or the things that were left out so the movie isn’t a five hour epic, and I can actually enjoy it for what it is – a great compliment to a book a loved. It’s not a full-proof plan, but it’s worked so far. And outside of The Host, which was one of my favorite books and one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen, I’ve had good luck with this practice.
Here are some of the more recent movies I’d recommend since they did alright taking what I saw in my head onto the big screen. None of these were perfect, but most things rarely are.
Vampire Academy - I loved Rose and Dmitri’s storyline from the start, and always wanted to see this movie adapted. The trailer made me hedge, because it looked kind of cheesy, but in all honesty, the movie was great. It was spot on with the storyline for the most part, the actors played the parts exactly as they had in the book, and there was pop culture humor interjected throughout the dialogue, which is always a plus for me.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones - This movie was one of my favorite adaptations since it took a seemingly complex storyline with a lot of moving pieces and brought it to life. Again, the characters were exactly like I’d imagined, and although there were a few liberties taken with the plot, I didn’t think they hurt the story. My only complaint was that you didn’t get to feel the chemistry between Jace and Clary as much as in the book. They definitely could have done more with that huge piece of the larger story.
The Hunger Games & Catching Fire - Lesson learned from the Twilight franchise, apparently, as this series couldn’t have been more spot on. The details were exactly how I’d pictured them, and the story flowed so well.
A few years ago when all of these supernatural themed teen books came out, I read them alongside everyone else, but I got away from the genre and don’t read it as much anymore. But I think there are a lot of great series’ out there that I’m hoping will be made into movies down the road. Like I said, it’s always great to see the characters you loved in real time – as long as it’s done right.
February 9, 2014
"Paper Airplanes" Playlist
Hi everyone! I'm super-excited that in just a week, Paper Airplanes will be available on Amazon.com & Smashwords.com; later this month it'll be available on all other eReaders. This book has been kind of a long time coming for a few reasons, and I couldn't have been happier with the way it turned out. I hope you love it too :)
As in the tradition of all my books, here is the playlist I put together to accompany the story. Enjoy :)
Here’s to Never Growing Up – Avril Lavigne
Historia Calamitatum – Rise Against
Innocence Maintained – Jewel
The Monster – Eminem (feat. Rihanna)
Wake Me Up – Avicii
Heaven Nor Hell – Volbeat
Out of the Dark – Matt Hires
White Fences – Needtobreathe
Afraid – The Neighbourhood:
Is There Anyone Out There – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Where We Gonna Go From Here – Mat Kearney
I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
In the Blood – Better Than Ezra
Everchanging (Acoustic) – Rise Against
Glycerine – Bush
Fireworks – Madina Lake
Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
Lanterns – Rise Against
Black Balloon – The Goo Goo Dolls
Even Robots Need Blankets – Mayday Parade
Silenced By the Night – Keane
Figure 8 – Ellie Goulding
Slow It Down – The Goo Goo Dolls
Absolutely Still – Better Than Ezra
End Transmission – AFI
Queen of Hearts – We the Kings
Art of War – We the Kings
Here I Am Alive – Yellowcard
Not Broken – The Goo Goo Dolls
Through the Dark – One Direction
Mouth – Bush
We Are Young – Keane
Luck – American Authors
Something Great – One Direction
I Lived – OneRepublic
As in the tradition of all my books, here is the playlist I put together to accompany the story. Enjoy :)
Here’s to Never Growing Up – Avril Lavigne
Historia Calamitatum – Rise Against
Innocence Maintained – Jewel
The Monster – Eminem (feat. Rihanna)
Wake Me Up – Avicii
Heaven Nor Hell – Volbeat
Out of the Dark – Matt Hires
White Fences – Needtobreathe
Afraid – The Neighbourhood:
Is There Anyone Out There – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Where We Gonna Go From Here – Mat Kearney
I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
In the Blood – Better Than Ezra
Everchanging (Acoustic) – Rise Against
Glycerine – Bush
Fireworks – Madina Lake
Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
Lanterns – Rise Against
Black Balloon – The Goo Goo Dolls
Even Robots Need Blankets – Mayday Parade
Silenced By the Night – Keane
Figure 8 – Ellie Goulding
Slow It Down – The Goo Goo Dolls
Absolutely Still – Better Than Ezra
End Transmission – AFI
Queen of Hearts – We the Kings
Art of War – We the Kings
Here I Am Alive – Yellowcard
Not Broken – The Goo Goo Dolls
Through the Dark – One Direction
Mouth – Bush
We Are Young – Keane
Luck – American Authors
Something Great – One Direction
I Lived – OneRepublic
January 5, 2014
Whoo-hoo! I created a Facebook Author Page
Pretty excited that I finally created a Facebook Author Page today! Check me out and follow if you'd like, www.facebook.com/monicaalexanderauthor
December 31, 2013
The Best of 2013 (In My Humble Opinion)
2013 ended up being a crazy year when it was all said and done. I made a (somewhat joking) New Year’s Resolution at the start of the year that I wanted to write five books. It was a lofty goal, because writing isn’t my main gig, and my real life job became super-demanding around May. But apparently whirlwind craziness suits me because I ended up publishing six books this year. I know, insane, right! But I kept getting ideas, and the books came really easily. All in all in was an awesome year that was made even better by some really great books that kept me going along the way.
So to end 2013, I figured I’d share my top ten books of the year. Some were published this year and others weren’t, but I read them and loved them in 2013, so I’m going to include them. I will say that this was the year I discovered and fell in love with m/m romance and two of the best authors who write in that genre, M.J. O’Shea and Piper Vaughn, so my list is heavy with those books. I find the genre to be completely fascinating and endearing, and these authors write it so well. But there were so many other awesome New Adult and Contemporary Romance books that I loved, as well, so of the 87 books I read this year, here are my favorites:
10.One Week Girlfriend (Drew & Fable #1) – Monica Murphy: What an original story of two unlikely people who ended up having more in common than they ever thought they would. I loved the love story of Drew and Fable, and although the second book in this series didn’t live up to the first, this one was great.
9.Rock the Heart (Black Falcon #1) – Michelle A. Valentine: The first book in this series was the best, no doubt. The writing was fresh, and the storyline, although completely predictable, was cute. I loved Noel and Lanie, and since I’m a complete sucker for rock star romances, this book totally won me over.
8.Unintended – M.J. O’Shea: As far as I’m concerned, M.J. O’Shea is the best writer of m/m romance that I’ve come across. She has this innate ability to create characters that you are completely endeared to. I discovered her when I read her Rock Bay series, which is fantastic in its own right, but then I read everything else I could by her. She’ll definitely appear again on this list. I loved the simplicity of the romance between Alex and Taylor in Unintended. I loved how the book swapped back and forth to present day and back when they first met, so you really got a good glimpse of how their relationship started and evolved. It was so good.
7.Second Chances –T.A. Webb: This book was the first m/m romance I read, and it was so unexpected in so many ways. I don’t cry often when I read, but I couldn’t help it while reading this book. The main character Mark goes through so much in the ten years that the book spans, and you’re right there with him through betrayal, love, loss, and finding the person he’s mean to be with. It wasn’t like anything I’d read before, and I think that’s why I appreciated it so much.
6.Touch Me (One Night With Sole Regret #4) – Olivia Cunning: If you’ve read anything by Olivia Cunning, you know how great she is at writing about rock stars who completely get inside your head and your heart. Trey Mills did that for me in the Sinners series, and Owen Mitchell is that guy for me in the Sole Regret series. You can’t not love him for all his faults and the fact that he has a huge heart underneath it all. This was his story, and not only did I love learning more about him, but I liked Caitlin, the girl he fell for. She was tough and smart and a great match for him. I’m excited to read the next book that continues their story.
5.Wait for You (Wait for You #1) – J. Lynn: This was a fantastic story of overcoming your past to be happy in the future. Avery and Cam were completely relatable to me since I think I was friends with people just like them in college. It was the epitome of what a New Adult book should be about with humor, quick-witted banter and romance that feels real and somewhat raw. I loved it.
4.The Luckiest (Lucky Moon #2) – Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea: This book was the best in this series about the rock band, Luck. Nick, the guitarist in the band, is a hot mess at the start of this story, mixed up in major drugs and alcohol. He meets Luka in rehab. Nick is somewhat bi and he’s never been in love, and Luka is gay and a hopeless romantic. They are the most unlikely people to fall in love, but they do, and although their relationship is tumultuous, you can’t help but love both of them for who they are and how much they want to make things work. They are definitely one of my favorite literary couples.
3.The Locker Room – Amy Lane: Talk about an emotional rollercoaster, but this was one of the best, genuine love stories I’ve ever read. I loved the social politics that played into this story since both Xander and Chris were professional basketball players and a relationship between them was a major no-no. So although they’d been in love since they were kids, society didn’t allow them to truly be together until much later in life after a lot of pain and suffering and sacrifice. The whole book was incredible.
2.Shattered Glass (Shattered Glass #1) – Dani Alexander: I’m not sure I’ve ever laughed so much as I did when I read this book. It was freaking hilarious. Dani Alexander’s writing is so unique and fresh that it makes you want the book to never end. I loved the original take on love and the cop drama that was woven throughout the story. I don’t typically read action/adventure, but I’d read anything by this author.
And my #1, favorite book of 2013:
1.Catch My Breath – M.J. O’Shea: This book was crazy good in so many ways. Let me just say that before reading it I had no clue who One Direction was or who Larry Stylinson was, but I read that M.J. used the web gossip surrounding the supposed relationship between One Direction band members Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson as the inspiration for this book. So I read it, and I completely fell in love with the characters and the storyline. You couldn’t help but love Danny and Elliot, but the emotion their relationship invoked was incredible. They were in love but couldn’t be together because management of their boy band wouldn’t allow it. It was a great story. So about halfway through the book, I decided to Google “Larry Stylinson” to see what it was all about. It was incredible how much of what was on the web and the speculation surrounding Harry and Louis paralleled what was in this book – from the Tweets between the two characters to rumors that stemmed from photos of the boys to things that were said in interviews. It was incredible, and I got sucked in to the phenomenon. Whether it’s true or not, the whole Larry Stylinson speculation and all the attention it still gets today fascinated me. And somewhere along the way, I became a huge fan of 1D. It’s completely insane, especially for a girl who loves alt. rock like nothing else. There was no way I could be a fan of a boy band, but I am. And I have M.J. to thank for not only introducing me to my favorite book of 2013 but for also getting me hooked on one of my favorite bands. But regardless of your feelings toward One Direction – most people either love or hate them – this was a fantastic book with an even better love story threaded throughout.
So that’s it, and let me say that I read a ton of other really great books in 2013, but I couldn’t include them all. To see what I read and what I thought, you can check out my “Read” list on my author page.
Were there any books that I missed this year? I’d love to hear your recommendations. I feel sometimes that my “To Read” list is incredibly overwhelming, and it’s easy to overlook amazing books that I’ve wanted to read forever. I also might be missing some books that haven’t been added to that list. What did you love in 2013?
Here’s hoping you have a Happy New Year and your 2014 is simply amazing!
Monica
So to end 2013, I figured I’d share my top ten books of the year. Some were published this year and others weren’t, but I read them and loved them in 2013, so I’m going to include them. I will say that this was the year I discovered and fell in love with m/m romance and two of the best authors who write in that genre, M.J. O’Shea and Piper Vaughn, so my list is heavy with those books. I find the genre to be completely fascinating and endearing, and these authors write it so well. But there were so many other awesome New Adult and Contemporary Romance books that I loved, as well, so of the 87 books I read this year, here are my favorites:
10.One Week Girlfriend (Drew & Fable #1) – Monica Murphy: What an original story of two unlikely people who ended up having more in common than they ever thought they would. I loved the love story of Drew and Fable, and although the second book in this series didn’t live up to the first, this one was great.
9.Rock the Heart (Black Falcon #1) – Michelle A. Valentine: The first book in this series was the best, no doubt. The writing was fresh, and the storyline, although completely predictable, was cute. I loved Noel and Lanie, and since I’m a complete sucker for rock star romances, this book totally won me over.
8.Unintended – M.J. O’Shea: As far as I’m concerned, M.J. O’Shea is the best writer of m/m romance that I’ve come across. She has this innate ability to create characters that you are completely endeared to. I discovered her when I read her Rock Bay series, which is fantastic in its own right, but then I read everything else I could by her. She’ll definitely appear again on this list. I loved the simplicity of the romance between Alex and Taylor in Unintended. I loved how the book swapped back and forth to present day and back when they first met, so you really got a good glimpse of how their relationship started and evolved. It was so good.
7.Second Chances –T.A. Webb: This book was the first m/m romance I read, and it was so unexpected in so many ways. I don’t cry often when I read, but I couldn’t help it while reading this book. The main character Mark goes through so much in the ten years that the book spans, and you’re right there with him through betrayal, love, loss, and finding the person he’s mean to be with. It wasn’t like anything I’d read before, and I think that’s why I appreciated it so much.
6.Touch Me (One Night With Sole Regret #4) – Olivia Cunning: If you’ve read anything by Olivia Cunning, you know how great she is at writing about rock stars who completely get inside your head and your heart. Trey Mills did that for me in the Sinners series, and Owen Mitchell is that guy for me in the Sole Regret series. You can’t not love him for all his faults and the fact that he has a huge heart underneath it all. This was his story, and not only did I love learning more about him, but I liked Caitlin, the girl he fell for. She was tough and smart and a great match for him. I’m excited to read the next book that continues their story.
5.Wait for You (Wait for You #1) – J. Lynn: This was a fantastic story of overcoming your past to be happy in the future. Avery and Cam were completely relatable to me since I think I was friends with people just like them in college. It was the epitome of what a New Adult book should be about with humor, quick-witted banter and romance that feels real and somewhat raw. I loved it.
4.The Luckiest (Lucky Moon #2) – Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea: This book was the best in this series about the rock band, Luck. Nick, the guitarist in the band, is a hot mess at the start of this story, mixed up in major drugs and alcohol. He meets Luka in rehab. Nick is somewhat bi and he’s never been in love, and Luka is gay and a hopeless romantic. They are the most unlikely people to fall in love, but they do, and although their relationship is tumultuous, you can’t help but love both of them for who they are and how much they want to make things work. They are definitely one of my favorite literary couples.
3.The Locker Room – Amy Lane: Talk about an emotional rollercoaster, but this was one of the best, genuine love stories I’ve ever read. I loved the social politics that played into this story since both Xander and Chris were professional basketball players and a relationship between them was a major no-no. So although they’d been in love since they were kids, society didn’t allow them to truly be together until much later in life after a lot of pain and suffering and sacrifice. The whole book was incredible.
2.Shattered Glass (Shattered Glass #1) – Dani Alexander: I’m not sure I’ve ever laughed so much as I did when I read this book. It was freaking hilarious. Dani Alexander’s writing is so unique and fresh that it makes you want the book to never end. I loved the original take on love and the cop drama that was woven throughout the story. I don’t typically read action/adventure, but I’d read anything by this author.
And my #1, favorite book of 2013:
1.Catch My Breath – M.J. O’Shea: This book was crazy good in so many ways. Let me just say that before reading it I had no clue who One Direction was or who Larry Stylinson was, but I read that M.J. used the web gossip surrounding the supposed relationship between One Direction band members Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson as the inspiration for this book. So I read it, and I completely fell in love with the characters and the storyline. You couldn’t help but love Danny and Elliot, but the emotion their relationship invoked was incredible. They were in love but couldn’t be together because management of their boy band wouldn’t allow it. It was a great story. So about halfway through the book, I decided to Google “Larry Stylinson” to see what it was all about. It was incredible how much of what was on the web and the speculation surrounding Harry and Louis paralleled what was in this book – from the Tweets between the two characters to rumors that stemmed from photos of the boys to things that were said in interviews. It was incredible, and I got sucked in to the phenomenon. Whether it’s true or not, the whole Larry Stylinson speculation and all the attention it still gets today fascinated me. And somewhere along the way, I became a huge fan of 1D. It’s completely insane, especially for a girl who loves alt. rock like nothing else. There was no way I could be a fan of a boy band, but I am. And I have M.J. to thank for not only introducing me to my favorite book of 2013 but for also getting me hooked on one of my favorite bands. But regardless of your feelings toward One Direction – most people either love or hate them – this was a fantastic book with an even better love story threaded throughout.
So that’s it, and let me say that I read a ton of other really great books in 2013, but I couldn’t include them all. To see what I read and what I thought, you can check out my “Read” list on my author page.
Were there any books that I missed this year? I’d love to hear your recommendations. I feel sometimes that my “To Read” list is incredibly overwhelming, and it’s easy to overlook amazing books that I’ve wanted to read forever. I also might be missing some books that haven’t been added to that list. What did you love in 2013?
Here’s hoping you have a Happy New Year and your 2014 is simply amazing!
Monica
December 12, 2013
"Love is Madness" Playlist
"Pretty girls come from the ugliest places, you come from the worst of them all." - Matt Hires, Restless Heart
This was the line that pretty much inspired the entire backstory of Love is Madness. And from there, the playlist and the book kind of wrote themselves.
I knew I wanted to write Brandon's story, but because of what he went through and who he was as a result, I knew the girl he fell for has to evenly match him. So I figured what better person that someone equally as broken and scarred. Enter Lindsay Hollenbeck.
In this book, Brandon and Lindsay start off as major non-believers in love, but of course, as most stories in this genre go, that changes. But not without a lot of ups and downs and missteps along the way.
It was amazing to me how many songs fit so well with the theme of this story. There's a lot of pain and angst in music, and at some points it was hard to narrow down just which songs fit the best. I love the way the playlist turned out, and I hope you enjoy it too.
Love is Madness will be out on Monday, December 16th.
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
Little Bad Girl – David Guetta (feat. Taio Cruz & Ludacris)
Dark Horse – Katy Perry
Wildest Moments – Jessie Ware
Unbelievers – Vampire Weekend
Kinks Shirt – Matt Nathanson
Down Together – The Refreshments
Restless Heart – Matt Hires
Save My Heart – Jason Reeves
TKO – Justin Timberlake
Into the Dark – James Blunt
Rebel Beat – Goo Goo Dolls
Feel Again – OneRepublic
Somebody to Shove – Soul Asylum
No, Never – Jimmy Eat World
Drive All Night – Needtobreathe
This is Gospel – Panic! At the Disco
Story of My Life – One Direction
Nicotine – Panic! At the Disco
Holy Ground – Taylor Swift
Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
Burning Bridges – OneRepublic
Car Crash – Matt Nathanson
Clarity – Zedd
All That You Are – Goo Goo Dolls
Kiss Me Slowly – Parachute
The Moment – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Close to Love – Mat Kearney
Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
Heaven Knows – Five for Fighting
This was the line that pretty much inspired the entire backstory of Love is Madness. And from there, the playlist and the book kind of wrote themselves.
I knew I wanted to write Brandon's story, but because of what he went through and who he was as a result, I knew the girl he fell for has to evenly match him. So I figured what better person that someone equally as broken and scarred. Enter Lindsay Hollenbeck.
In this book, Brandon and Lindsay start off as major non-believers in love, but of course, as most stories in this genre go, that changes. But not without a lot of ups and downs and missteps along the way.
It was amazing to me how many songs fit so well with the theme of this story. There's a lot of pain and angst in music, and at some points it was hard to narrow down just which songs fit the best. I love the way the playlist turned out, and I hope you enjoy it too.
Love is Madness will be out on Monday, December 16th.
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
Little Bad Girl – David Guetta (feat. Taio Cruz & Ludacris)
Dark Horse – Katy Perry
Wildest Moments – Jessie Ware
Unbelievers – Vampire Weekend
Kinks Shirt – Matt Nathanson
Down Together – The Refreshments
Restless Heart – Matt Hires
Save My Heart – Jason Reeves
TKO – Justin Timberlake
Into the Dark – James Blunt
Rebel Beat – Goo Goo Dolls
Feel Again – OneRepublic
Somebody to Shove – Soul Asylum
No, Never – Jimmy Eat World
Drive All Night – Needtobreathe
This is Gospel – Panic! At the Disco
Story of My Life – One Direction
Nicotine – Panic! At the Disco
Holy Ground – Taylor Swift
Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
Burning Bridges – OneRepublic
Car Crash – Matt Nathanson
Clarity – Zedd
All That You Are – Goo Goo Dolls
Kiss Me Slowly – Parachute
The Moment – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Close to Love – Mat Kearney
Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
Heaven Knows – Five for Fighting
December 6, 2013
Music - Best of 2013
Not since 2009 have I been so excited about the music that came out in a given year. But 2013 was packed with amazing music from some of my favorite artists and some newer artists that I fell in love with over the past few months. A lot of this music has made its way into my books and on the playlists that accompany them, but I figured since we’re about to close out the year, I’d list out a few of my favorites. Check them out, because it’s been a hell of a year for awesome songs!
One of the coolest things that happened this year was that three of my favorite bands from the 90s (I still have an obsession with the alt. rock I listened to in high school) put out albums. Toad the Wet Sprocket hadn’t produced anything in 14 years, but this October, with their album New Constellation, they debuted some ridiculously beautiful songs. The Goo Goo Dolls, who I’ve followed for years, put out Magnetic in June, and Jimmy Eat World, who most people only think of their hit from a decade ago, The Middle, have an arsenal of amazing songs they’ve written since then, and they put out Damage in June, which is incredible. I’ve been listening to all three of these albums on repeat for months.
But newer artists prevailed, as well. Here are some of the songs that consumed my iPod in 2013:
Slow Down – Goo Goo Dolls
The Moment – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Through the Dark – One Direction (very Mumford & Sons-ish)
Wake Me Up – Avicii
Heaven Knows – Five for Fighting
Damage – Jimmy Eat World
Chocolate – The 1975 (Thank you Harry Styles for Tweeting about these guys – amazing)
Kinks Shirt – Matt Nathanson (one of the best concerts of the year, and the story behind this song is hilarious)
Brave – Sara Bareilles (oddly similar in sound and theme to Roar by Katy Perry, but Sara's song was out first)
Best Song Ever – One Direction (try listening to this song and not smiling - so fun)
Restless Heart – Matt Hires (a nod to a local guy from Tampa who's a beautiful singer/songwriter)
Sweater Weather – The Neighbouhood (these guys are fantastic live)
I Lived – OneRepublic (best concert of the year)
Unbelievers – Vampire Weekend
Lanterns – Rise Against
Here's hoping 2014 will bring just as much amazing music into the fold.
One of the coolest things that happened this year was that three of my favorite bands from the 90s (I still have an obsession with the alt. rock I listened to in high school) put out albums. Toad the Wet Sprocket hadn’t produced anything in 14 years, but this October, with their album New Constellation, they debuted some ridiculously beautiful songs. The Goo Goo Dolls, who I’ve followed for years, put out Magnetic in June, and Jimmy Eat World, who most people only think of their hit from a decade ago, The Middle, have an arsenal of amazing songs they’ve written since then, and they put out Damage in June, which is incredible. I’ve been listening to all three of these albums on repeat for months.
But newer artists prevailed, as well. Here are some of the songs that consumed my iPod in 2013:
Slow Down – Goo Goo Dolls
The Moment – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Through the Dark – One Direction (very Mumford & Sons-ish)
Wake Me Up – Avicii
Heaven Knows – Five for Fighting
Damage – Jimmy Eat World
Chocolate – The 1975 (Thank you Harry Styles for Tweeting about these guys – amazing)
Kinks Shirt – Matt Nathanson (one of the best concerts of the year, and the story behind this song is hilarious)
Brave – Sara Bareilles (oddly similar in sound and theme to Roar by Katy Perry, but Sara's song was out first)
Best Song Ever – One Direction (try listening to this song and not smiling - so fun)
Restless Heart – Matt Hires (a nod to a local guy from Tampa who's a beautiful singer/songwriter)
Sweater Weather – The Neighbouhood (these guys are fantastic live)
I Lived – OneRepublic (best concert of the year)
Unbelievers – Vampire Weekend
Lanterns – Rise Against
Here's hoping 2014 will bring just as much amazing music into the fold.
November 29, 2013
“So don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose . . .”
This line from Terrible Things by Mayday Parade is a running theme throughout Love is Madness. Lindsay and Brandon have both been scarred by love and loss, and the last thing either of them is looking for is love. In their eyes there’s too much to lose by falling in love with someone, and at the end of the day, it’s just not worth the heartache. But sometimes the risk outweighs the reward, and you just have to be strong enough to take a chance on someone who might change your life for the better.
Love is Madness will be available on December 16th.
Terrible Things by Mayday Parade is a crazy beautiful, albeit tragic, song off of their latest album, Monsters in the Closet. Check it out. It’s pretty amazing.
Love is Madness
Love is Madness will be available on December 16th.
Terrible Things by Mayday Parade is a crazy beautiful, albeit tragic, song off of their latest album, Monsters in the Closet. Check it out. It’s pretty amazing.
Love is Madness
