Kush Srivastava's Blog, page 48

The Tussel: Wife Vs Mother

Yesterday, I talked about the institution of marriage and how one can make the girl feel at home and make her as comfortable as possible. Certainly it is more challenging for girls to come and adjust in a new family, but have you ever thought as to how a guy's life would change after he gets married.

On one hand, there is his mom who is very possessive about him and who doesn't want to share him with anyone. On the other hand there is his wife who believes that he is all hers and that his mother should take a backseat now. The guy's situation becomes like a man sitting in the middle of a see-saw tilting towards the mother at times and tilting towards the wife at other times.

The questions that haunt him all the time are: Is there any way he can manage both the parties? Is there any way he can bring the mother and wife into reconcilitation? Is it possible to develop a bonhomie between them? Why is it that everytime he comes back from office he is confronted with problems and issues for which he doesn't seem to have any solution? Whose fault is it and who needs to change: mother or wife? Or should mother and wife accept each other as it is? Is it possible for two women to understand each other's opinion?

All the above remains unanswered in most cases and what follows is an environment full of tension and anxiety. The girls out there who have just got married and who are about to get married, majority of them, would want to think that the mothers should let go their sons. The mothers would want to believe that the girls need to adjust to the rules/traditions/customs of their families and rahter than thinking that they have got married to the sons should think that they have become a part of a family now.

Who is right and who is wrong? The old school/previous generation would want to go with the "part of the family" argument, whereas the new school/generation would want to go with the "let go" argument.

How wonderful it would be for a guy who wishes to see both his mother and his wife happy if both the parties took few steps towards each other, that it if the mother would let go his son to some extent and the wife would try to become a part of a family rather than just thinking about her husband and herself.

So, all the wives and mothers out there, don't be so rigid. Everytime you are about to do something, think about the guy as to how he would feel, whether he would feel happy seeing what you did. And I promise you all, you will know what to do.

Source for Image: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-07-23/man-woman/29793589_1_mother-new-woman-wife

The Institution: Marriage

The burning question in most of my friends' life who have managed to stay single till date is when would they like to get married. The family seems to be after them all the time and the aunties in their society seems to be questioning their integrity as a man .

Some of my friends are scared of getting into this institution by an arranged mechanism as they fear the discovery of an individual after marriage. But whether it is love or arranged or love-cum-arranged, or whatever, the foundation of any relationship is trust and understanding which results in a feeling of compromise and sacrifice for the other person.

For guys, it's relatively easier compared to girls, who need to leave their homes and have to adopt in a completely new environment with new people around with different kind of expectations altogether. The routine seems to change or for that matter, life seems constrained by the various traditions of the house to which the girl happens to go.

It is very important that the family members help the girl to get acquainted with her environment and people around her and make her comfortable so that she starts to feel at home from where she can be on her own and from where she can start to manage her relationships and activities on her own.

I feel that what girls can do for a family, a guy can never do, be it the way the girls take care, be it the way the girls spread love and affection, be it the way they manage both home and work.

I suppose someone up there is very intelligent for what he gave girls he didn't give guys and vice-versa, so that they could come together and form this wonderful unison, which in our society has been given the name of marriage.

Source for Image: http://www.emilnet.org/marriage-counseling-maryland-will-assist-you-and-your-marriage-with-a-better-way/

Deliberation: What to do?

It's amazing how thinking can change in just a span of 24 hours. How one can be affected by the gritty nature of our daily lives. How one can be caught up in a perplexing environment trying to find his/her way out.

Yesterday, I was talking about maintaining a positive frame of mind. And today is one of those days where a decision made can change the entire way I want to lead my life. Today is a big day in my life. A "Yes" would open a whole new set of opportunities for me and a "No" would leave with what I am today and might close the doors forever as far as these opportunities are concerned. The obvious question on mind right now is what should I be doing?

The logical thing to do is to deliberate over the pros and cons of the decision. That is exactly what I did and guess what! The pros and cons nullified each other and now I am back to sqaure one: What should I be doing?

I am sure there might be many instances in one's life when one has to go through such perplexing questions with no real obvious answers. Then, how should one deal with it? What is the way out of such situations? Should one leave the situation unattended? Should one ignore the situation altogether? Or should one make a decision and chose a path which he/she finds the most satisfying and rewarding without really worrying about the other side of the coin? Is this decision making in any way related to the personality of a person-whether he/she is risk-taking/risk-averse?

All the above are extremely difficult to answer and different things can work for different people depending on their personality types and their frame of mind in handling different situations. So is their a universal solution to a problem and does that solution work for every person encountering a similar situation?

In my opinion, there is nothing like a universal solution. What works for one might not work for the other. Everyone has to figure out what they want from life and in the end where they would want to see themselves, say 10-15 years down the line.

Sometimes I wonder how simple life would be if one knew what one wants to be in the future, of course sometimes what one wants to be is not always possible because of other extraneous factors.

Source for Image: http://blog.bufferapp.com/tweet-cafe-what-is-the-future-of-twitter-discussed-with-tweetsmarter

You=A product of All Decisions made in Life

What one is, nothing but a product of all decisions made during one's lifetime. Well some might want to put it as a summation of all decisions, but at the end of the day, product is nothing but a summation indeed.

At every stage of life, one needs to make decisions and make choices from a number of alternatives that might be available at that point of time. For every decision made, there is an anxiety component attached due to the alternatives that were not chosen and this leads to questions like "What IF?", which in tends leads to anxiety and tension.

There will always be something that one will have to give up in order to attain something else. As they say: "You lose some, you gain some". By thinking about what one has lost might lead to negative thoughts and by thinking about what you have achieved might make one happy and instill positive thoughts. Its upto the individual to decide which way one would want to think.

After all, our brain is a goal-striving mechanism. If one gives it positive inputs, it will come out with positive outputs, while on the other hand if one gives negative inputs, you will what will happen. So, the best way to lead life is to give positive inputs to the brain without worrying about what one has left behind.

To give an example, let me chose myself this time around and not my friends . If I start to think, as to why I left the lucrative career behind me in Paris after doing an MBA and why I came back to India, it would give me sleepless nights considering the fact that I am still trying to achieve what I want to.

But on second thoughts, is life all about wondering what I have lost or is life all about enjoying what I might accomplish in the future. Well, the latter of the two makes more sense and hence in my case, I always try to look at the brighter side of things without worrying too much about what I might have lost.

It's not thought I am not perturbed by negative thougts, they do threaten my decision making skills and at times my integrity, especially when I meet failures in life, especially when important people in my life question my understanding, especially when society questions me with the famous line, which I am sure lot of people might have encountered during their life times: "What are you doing these days?". But in the end, what keeps me going on is a self belief that I will make it one day and on top of that a belief in the Almighty.

After all, he must have inscribed something good for me .

Source for Image: http://www.diabetic-dieting.com/positive-thinking.html

Crimes Against Women

Its funny how messages come pouring in as soon as a girl logs on to gtalk or for that matter any other social networking sites. This was experienced first hand by me as I sat next to one of my dear friends deo. The moment she logged on, her desktop was filled with messages from approx. 30 guys who would go to any extent to woo this girl.

Is it because there are more guys in our country than girls, or is it because guys have become too desperate and aggressive. May be that could be one of the reasons why crimes like eve-teasing and sexual assault are increasing in our country. For sure, this doesnt augur well for our society and needs to be checked.

How and what can be done needs to deliberated over. But one thing that the government can start right now is to give exemplary punishement to those involved in such crimes. At the same time, citizens can play a vital role. It is nearly impossible for police to watch every nook and corner in our country. Thus, social-policing, in which the people themselves can play a part by informing the police the moment they witness any crime, needs to be adopted and practiced.

On the part of women, they can try to learn Martial Arts which will not only help them protect themselves and others but would instill confidence. This can well be introduced at the school level.

The need of the hour is to stand up against such crimes and need to become proactive in order to ensure that such crimes get eliminated from our society.

Source for Image: http://www.futurecrimes.com/article/from-crowdsourcing-to-crime-sourcing-the-rise-of-distributed-criminality/

Decision Making in Life

This morning I had to make a decision between consuming cornflakes or Quaker Oats for breakfast. Not a big deal, when it comes to affecting our lives in a big way, but life is much more complicated than the above, every decision in life has many more consequences than a simple choice amongst the two food items.

At every stage of life one encounters a situation with many possibilities or solutions. Every time one opts for one in preference to the other, one has to go through the agony and stress arising from rejecting the other. Just the way it is, and one needs to believe that he/she has made the right decision for himself/herself.

But is it as easy as it sounds. Not really! I realized this while having a conversation with one of my friends who is not able to move on in life. She has been in love with a guy for the past couple of years, but the guyhas not given her any concrete answers on whether he would want the relationship to move to the next level. With her parents contemplating her marriage, she is in a jinx, and doesn't know whether to get over the guy or to move on. Her heart is all in favor of waiting for the guy, but what about the brain. You guessed it right, the brain is all for moving on, after all how long can she wait for the guy to respond.

Now that is stress for her. What should she do? The "practical" guys and girls out there would want her to move on, and the emotional lot would certianly want her to, may be, wait for a couple of months more.

At the end of the day, its all about being happy. The best way to avoid the stress is to not think about what could have been, rather relish what is and what is about to follow because of what is right now, thanks to your decision.

Source for the Image: http://bizzbangbuzz.blogspot.com/2010/03/five-modes-of-decision-making.html

Novel Reviews: Three Cheers to Life

"the picturisation of our IITK days made me nostalgic. your fights with lover boy (i suppose your 68) were delightful and a learning experience. it is only our friends who we can take for granted and still know that they will always be there for us. and the chhota packet (pepsi) was the point in the story that made me laugh my lungs out.

but hey it was very disappointing and saddening when SIMRAN died in the middle of the story. that was when my eyes ran wet. but still carried on reading it. and then when Sam left Susan and came down to bangkok, i felt a little frustrated. however when it was the time for keti and sam launching a cold war, i realised that sam is a real career conscious guy, who is too innocent. and then i could relate why he left behind susan. right decision sam!



in the end as they say, life comes a full circle, it was ishika who rescues him at the end. i hope they get married soon. my best wishes

good work…Sam Keep it up."          ————– Poojan Rana (IRS Officer)

"It was a really good read. And like you had described it – very easy to read in one go. It did feel like a first person account, so obviously autobiographical. (How much is it anyway?) I liked the fact that it was it shows the development of the central character through believable events and anecdotes although sometimes the narrative was too quick to jump to the next incident/episode. Guess there are no clear breaks in life (from the past) and we carry our memories and experiences into the next drama.

Liked the romantic and optimistic side of the central character/author And overall it was a coming-of-age story of a young man which is always interesting, amusing and fresh. Well done Kush."    ———— Vineeta Dwivedi (Manager, BBC)

"The story is fast paced and captivating. As Sam embarks upon a journey to find love, peace and riches, the reader is transported along to witness his struggle, surrender and transcendence at the crossroads of life. He looses a lot to discover so much as Deed and Destiny contend to dictate his future. Love is flowing, his troubles never-ending and our Sam ever-evolving.

A warm reminiscence of IIT days for those who know the author and MT and a brisk peep into IIT culture for those on the other side.Congratulations on the Good Work! Thanks for sharing Sam with us whose story resonates so much with ours." ——– Vishwas Singh (Entrepreneur)

"simple yet lovable story…keeps the urge alive in d reader to knw as to what happens next…" ——- Aishvarya Srivastava (Engineering Student)

"~ Nicely written .. All the best for the long way ahead .. ! )" ——– Prateek Srivastava (Manager, MNC)

 

"I was scared to pick up a book because of my busy schedule. Kush Srivastava's Three Cheers to Life is an amazingly easy read. Surprisingly i could read it in less than 2 hours and now can recommend it to anyone who is not an avid reader.

The story relates very well to all of us who are trying to balance love and personal life amidst fast paced global career. An extremely emotional presentation interspersed with bizarre cross-cultural trivia left me always wanting for more. However, at times i felt main character presented as a blackbox and wished I could know his thought process and emotions at such delicate moments.

Also although the narrative was engaging with interesting anecdotes, the author could have put more effort in developing the overall plot. Overall I can say it is an ideal reading for teenagers and for recent graduates as well." ——– Ashwin Jain (Entrepreneur)

Vulture Funds

If you are wondering what exactly is a vulture fund then its quite natural to do so, as that was my first reaction to the term. Well, these funds are used to buy some debt from the poor countries in distress like Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), in turn providing some funds to the respective countries. Now, why they are called Vulture Funds is because, later on, these donors try to redeem their money charging high amounts of interests and by doing so, they kill the very purpose of donating.

The redemption of these funds, when these countries reach certain level of stability, results in the outflow of the currency from those countries leaving the country wanting for more money, in turn creating a vicious circle from which the country can never escape and in turn unable move on to a development path.

And there are no intelligent guesses here on who are the ones who are running these funds. Its none other than our "very dear" American friends who leave no stone unturned when it comes to making money via the capitalistic path that they have always preferred over the socialist path. This includes people like Peter Grossman, running a similar fund, which buys debt and then charges/sues for around 10-100 times the money given.

I can't help but wonder when these Americans would give away their exploitative mentalities and when the materialism and capitalism would stop ruling one's mind. I guess the whole perception of being successful needs to change.

Source for the Image: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-15745003

Should Indian Media be Regulated?

Media is considered to be the fourth pillar of a democracy. It ensures that citizens of a country get to know as to what's happening in their own country, at the same time it helps in developing opinions amongst the people. It has an enormous reach and can be made to influence people in different ways. Thus, it is extremely important that the media remains independent at the same time applying some kind of a self-regulation.

Recently, one of our own Supreme Court Judge, Katju was seen becoming really critical of the state of Journalism in our country. He cited that only around 10% of our media is what we can call "intellectual" and is involved in covering important social issues, rest is involved in cheap and publicity-gaining Journalism which altogether destroys the purpose of the field. Thus, he wants that the various media houses be brought under the Press Council of India (PCI), so that the content and the coverage can be regulated to make it more meaningful.

The question, which remains is, would regulation hamper the independence of Journalism which is absolutely essential for free and fair reporting. The logical thing to do would be to regulate the same at the same time ensuring that the regulation doesn't become too interfering. This would entail good for the future of Indian Media and fair and free reporting.

Source for the Image: http://ec.europa.eu/culture/media/index_en.htm

Are Guys Scared of Getting Married?

Over the past couple of days, I have received a couple of wedding invitations from some of my friends who are really happy to be a part of the institution. There is another lot who wouldn't even want to dream about the dreaded thing. This makes me wonder whether guys are really scared of getting married and if so then what might be the reason for the same?

The obvious question is how does marriage change lives? Are guys scared of commitment or they are scared because they will have to act more responsibly? Are they scared of being answerable to someone or they are scared because of the perceived loss of freedom and independence?

Well, you all might have heard such reasons given by those who don't want to get married. But what about girls? Why marriage seems to be the most important thing in their lives, considering that they are the ones who have to leave their houses and make considerable adjustments in an altogether alien environment? What motivates them? What is it that they possess and the guys don't?

Of course, there is a marked difference in the way a guy and a girl would think about the institution and this might also be a reflection of the social roles imposed by our society on every member.

Yesterday my mom asked me a very simple question: "When do you want to get married? Or do you?"

I kept mum. Do I have an answer or I just want to ignore "the" question? Whatever it might be, "the" question of life would continue to haunt me till I do the dreaded.

Source for the Image: http://www.theculturewatch.com/marriage-a-new-conservative-issue