Garret Kramer's Blog, page 5

The Requirement

There’s but one requirement.

In order to serve, help, or support your fellow human beings; in order to teach, coach, parent, or lead; there’s merely one thing that you’re required to know. It’s not at all complicated. It doesn’t take practice or years of study. Actually, right now, the requirement is closer to you than close can be. Deep down, you already understand it.

The requirement is this: You must know who you are.

Not your name, ancestry, thoughts, moods, body, or mind. Not your beliefs, values, or ethics. Not your failures, achievements, possessions, profession, marital status, offspring, or wealth. Not your personal why, purpose, race, nationality, or religion. You must know who you truly are. Because if you don’t know who you truly are, you cannot guide those who have forgotten who they truly are back to who they truly are. It’s that simple.

Who you are is: Infinite. Eternal. Durable. Impersonal. Tensionless. Complete. Unchangeable.

Who you are has the capacity to assume the form of nearly eight billion separate selves, plus all objects and creatures, and yet always remain whole.

Who you are has the breadth to allow all of life, all of space, all of time, to play out within it, on it, as it, and yet remain pristine, pure, unscathed, and Here and Now.

Who you are is returned to between thoughts, in the deepest of sleeps, and right upon death.

Who you are has several names—Consciousness, Awareness, God, Peace, Love, and the true Self—none of them perfect since who you are is before the intellect that conjures these names.

Who you are echoes in the mind as happiness, meditation, choice, and freedom. Explaining the human inclination to resist, cope, try to control, and seek.

Who you are is at the very heart of all experience; what remains when everything insecure or temporary is lost.

Who you are seems unreal, yet is real.

Who you are is nothing, yet something.

In fact, all human interactions, whether friend or foe, whether intimate or platonic, are simply who you are interacting with who you are in an innocent attempt to travel home to who you are.

Who are you?

You are the One Being that you and all seemingly separate selves share.

And, as mentioned above, in order to help, serve, support, teach, coach, parent, or lead—that’s all you’re required to know.

Thank you for reading,

Garret

Has It Happened to You?

It may not have happened yet, but it will. At some point in your life, you’ll question whether happiness can be found in objective experience. That is, can the acquisition of trophies, titles, money, relationships, or any object actually bring you the happiness or fulfillment you seek?

Not only that, but at some point in your life, it’ll no longer make sense to try to distract yourself away from unhappiness. Substances, activities, states of mind, rituals, and strategies for that purpose will be revealed as the waste of energy they essentially are. You’ll realize that these mechanisms are merely layers upon layers, further shrouding the happiness or fulfillment you seek.

For most, and rather regrettably, this realization occurs extremely late in life. Have you ever heard of someone close to death yearning for more possessions? I’m sure not. At that stage of the game, the realization has set in. In fact, those near death almost always regret the culturally conditioned and life-long chase for security through the acquisition of objects. At that point it’s become obvious that answers can’t be found in the objective or material world.

Now, if you’re wondering where answers—happiness and fulfillment—can be found, please don’t. Simply cease connecting your well-being to objects, relationships, or status. Cease connecting your resilience to anything that changes, appears, disappears, or comes and goes. Cease connecting your security to anything that, by nature, is insecure. Cease connecting who you truly are to why you truly are not.

And when that happens? Well, what remains is exactly where happiness and fulfillment are found. What remains is none other than You. And, as you now understand, there’s never a path from You to You.

Inward and up,

Garret

In the Hands of Consciousness

Here’s a short and simple post—regarding cause and effect—that, hopefully, will serve as a comforting reminder.

I was speaking to my colleague, Joel Drazner, the other day and somehow our conversation turned to the topic of sleep. Indeed, in my line of work this topic comes up often since performers can’t escape today’s glut of information on the importance of sleep, and how to achieve it. Regrettably, this information isn’t helping them fall asleep (actually, quite the opposite), so they sometimes turn to me for guidance.

Anyway, Joel claimed, “The more I get myself to drop the thoughts in my head, the faster I fall asleep.”

I replied, “J, when you get right down to it, you don’t get the credit or blame for dropping thought, falling asleep, or anything for that matter. If Consciousness allows you to drop thought and fall asleep, you do. If Consciousness doesn’t allow you to drop thought and fall asleep, you don’t. Everything that occurs is in the hands of Consciousness.”

Joel wondered, “So you’re suggesting that we don’t have the personal power to deliberately clear our heads or fall asleep. Makes sense. But, back to sleep, what about steps to improve it? Are you saying that people shouldn’t take them?”

“No, people should do as they see fit. Still, if they see fit and then take to steps to improve sleep, Consciousness has allowed it. If they don’t, same deal. Whatever they do, again, is in the hands of Consciousness. In fact, all aspects of experience—including actions and outcomes—are nothing more than the forms, shapes, or images that Consciousness has assumed at those particular moments. No one has the personal power to alter the movie that’s playing out on the screen of Consciousness.”

“Hmm, I’ve just seen something,” Joel whispered. “And as I do, I sense an overwhelming wave of relief—and inspiration.”

“Me too, J. Me, too.”

—

Remember, if something is happening, or has happened, it can only take place within (in the hands of) Consciousness.

Inward and up,

Garret

The Pitfalls of a Thought-Driven, or Cognitive, Approach—and the Only Alternative

What follows is a dialogue between me and Mary, a teacher/coach/change worker who was in the audience of my most recent talk. It reveals the danger in pointing toward one’s thinking as a path to improved feelings and behavior. Plus, it reveals the single alternative that initiates ethical and productive behavior. I hope, like Mary and me, you find this dialogue to be of value. G

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Dear Garret,

I work in a home for teenage girls. Prior to their placement there, the girls have often lived through neglect and/or physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Now in a residential setting, they’re looked after by child-care workers such as me.

Yesterday, there was a significant incident in the home. A number of the girls attacked a care worker. Today, I was talking about it with one of the girls. She was full of remorse, self-loathing, regret, and guilt. I suggested that perhaps she had less personal responsibility/choice than she thought. It was her thinking in the moment that caused her turmoil and wayward actions. If she’d seen things differently or other thinking had been available to her, she would have acted differently. I put these ideas to her as suggestions; as things for her to ponder. It was a quiet and gentle conversation. However, in the midst of it, I was overcome by despair. I thought: “If she (and the rest of us) is somehow at the mercy of thought in the moment, how then can she find better thinking that doesn’t lead to her abusing herself or others, smashing up property, and putting her at risk for being sent to a maximum-security placement?” I used to think that if we experience a “rise in our level of consciousness,” we would have access to “better quality thought.” But in your talk you pointed to the folly of levels of something that is in essence One. Still, can we access different quality thought? Where is the hope for people whose thinking or misunderstanding takes them to such destructive places?

Thank you for your time to consider my question,

Mary

Hi Mary,

I’ll briefly explain here, then I welcome you to reach out to me via FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom so we can explore further.

In short, what you’re speaking of reveals the pitfalls of pointing toward one’s thinking as a means to helping. “If other thinking had been available to her” simply leaves folks wondering, ”Why don’t I have better thinking?” Or “what’s wrong with me?”

Interestingly enough, you were actually on the right track when you suggested that she had less personal responsibility than she had been led to believe; since removing burden from one’s shoulders provides the freedom, or escape from isolation, from which everyone’s behavior improves. But then you brought her thinking, the personal, back into the conversation and in doing so YOU became confused, and your connection to her and your ability to guide her were lost. This will always occur when a coach or change worker gets personal—or tries to get to the impersonal (Love) through the personal (one’s thinking). It simply cannot work.

Rather, the only understanding that brings moral, ethical, productive, and loving behavior (what you must grasp and then teach) is this: We share One eternal/infinite Being. And when this shared Being is veiled by thought, the feeling of isolation or separation, and thus immoral behavior, becomes more and more likely. Again, when pointing toward thought as a cause and cure this is what tends to occur. This is why cognitive therapy is a failed approach. This is why telling others that recognizing that their reality is thought created is a failed approach. This is why suggesting to others that when thought is improved or dropped they will feel and do better is a failed approach. These thought-centered (personal) approaches require more thought, more intellectual exertion, further veiling the One Being we share.

On the contrary, Mary, merely remind others that they are not truly “others.” We are seven billion refractions of One Being. The One Being we intermittently, and then ultimately, return to. This understanding represents the absence of the personal, the sensation of comfort or relief, and the realization of our true essence—happiness, freedom, wisdom, and love. From there, excellence is effortless and morality is automatic.

Thank you for reaching out to me. Love,

Garret

Why Is There Suffering?

Why is there self-centeredness? Because thought thinks it.

Why is there inequality? Because thought thinks it.

Why is there judgment? Because thought thinks it.

Why is there fear? Because thought thinks it.

Why is there insecurity? Because thought thinks it.

Apart from thought, self-centeredness, inequality, judgment, fear, and insecurity do not exist. Thus, the answer to any supposed dilemma cannot found by digging into that dilemma (e.g., analyzing, coping, resisting, arming, debating, researching). It’s found in understanding that all dilemmas are thought created in the first place.

Remember: Thought, to a certain extent, veils Consciousness, Love, or the One Being we share. And this creates the temporary illusion of separation and the experience of suffering.

Why is there suffering? One reason. Because thought thinks that you and I are separate entities—even though we are not.

Inward and up,

Garret

True Resilience

Where does resilience (or to some, grit or durability) truly come from? Is it learned? Is it practiced? Is it controlled? Is it worked at? No to all. In fact, all you have to do is consider the resilience of young children to appreciate that resilience doesn’t spring from any of those things. So, then, where does it come from? Or, more precisely, what causes resilience?

The answer is that resilience is caused by an intuitive understanding that becomes shrouded as we age. The understanding that we are not our feelings, perceptions, sensations, or experiences—including our struggles and our suffering. In short, resilience is just another word for the true Self. From the perspective of the true Self, we carry on no matter our current experience. We are not our struggle; we are aware of it. We don’t fight our suffering; we are distant from it. And, thus, like the majority of young children, we overcome, rebound, or rise above without effort.

This is why you and I can, at times, perform stunningly well, or contribute to the world in positive ways, even when we’re under the weather, injured, or in the midst of misfortune. Absent of resistance, pain has no grip. But this is also why, at times, we can’t. We momentarily forget who we truly are and identify with, or become, our pain and our troubles. We dig into them, share them, and adorn them like badges of courage—all in a debilitating quest to return to the resilience, the true Self, we know ourselves to be.

Before a talk in London last week, I momentarily fell for the lure of becoming my pain and my troubles. I was complaining, in my own head, about jet lag and a lack of sleep. I wondered how I was going to make it through a talk that was personally significant. In other words, my resilience had vanished. But then, out of nowhere, I thought: “This talk isn’t about you at all.” Hmm, isn’t that the truth. I then met with my insightful co-presenters (Clare Dimond and Ali Scott) and, as resilience and passion returned, we were off to the races. What a time we had.

No question, resilience can be elusive. Even so, it never disappears. As we experience the normal ebb and flow between who we are not—the illusory separate (or personal) self—and who we are—the true Self (Awareness, Consciousness, the One Being we share)—resilience seems to ebb and flow, too. Remember, though, the separate self, like any mirage, is by nature non-resilient. Yet, to the true Self, resilience is but another name.

Inward and up,

Garret

Acting in Harmony, Absent of Responsibility

No doubt, a significant aspect of my work is to remind clients, teams, organizations, or audiences that no one is personally responsible—for anything. More precisely, it’s to remind them that:

A. There’s no such thing as personal responsibility. 

B. The more they come to grips with this fact, the more harmonious, dependable, and productive their experiences become.

To be fair, this is sometimes a demanding task. Virtually all human beings are conditioned to think that self-blame, or even guilt, is a positive value or characteristic. Yet, take a closer look. If we’re actually in control of our actions, and thus personally responsible for them, would we ever make mistakes? Of course not. No one tries to make mistakes. Thus, taking blame or responsibility for something that we don’t control cannot be helpful.

So, then, if not us, who or what is calling the shots in this game we call life? Well, simply put, everything that happens is an impersonal act of creation. Of Consciousness. Of God. And it’s this understanding, alone, that frees us from the alluring delusion, and heavy weight, of personal responsibility.

It’s also important to note that part of the conditioning I mentioned above has many believing that a lack of personal responsibility, sometimes termed accountability, is what causes wayward or harmful behavior. No. It’s the opposite. Taking on personal burden magnifies the illusory existence of a personal or separate self. This obstructs the fluent flow that intuitively takes us from a sense of separation/insecurity back to the One Being we truly are. And from the perspective of One Being, or the true Self, no separate entities exist to harm, be harmed, or assume responsibility in the first place.

Bottom line? Understanding that every occurrence in life is impersonal, and thus personal responsibility isn’t a real thing, leads not to irresponsible or unproductive behavior. But, rather, to the relief and freedom from which we act in harmony with creation, Consciousness, or God—in loving service of the greater good.

Thank you for reading,

Garret

Insecurity and Attachment

Practically always, new clients, players, or coaches with whom I’m working, will talk about the “dreaded habit of insecurity.” They’ll claim to be insecure about this situation or that. They’ll seek to end this apparently detrimental experience. Plus, they’ll assume that part of my role is to help them cope their way out of it.

Well, my role is not that, even a little bit. It’s actually the opposite, or this:

It’s to remind them that insecurity is the natural effect of one thing: attaching their identity or well-being to this situation or that. And I’m defining a situation as a circumstance, event, relationship, environment, object, or anything that evolves, changes, appears, or disappears. In fact, insecurity is SUPPOSED to occur when we identify with something that’s transient. It’s completely normal.

To illustrate, many of us have felt insecure or out of sorts as we lived through the ups and downs of our chosen career. However, we don’t feel this way because of our career. We feel this way when we link who we are, our identity or sense of self, to a transient situation like a career. And, again, when we attach who we are to what’s transient—i.e., attach who we are to who we are not—insecurity or anxious feelings will always result.

Now fortunately, once we understand where insecurity is coming from and what it is telling us, an intuitive solution tends to appear, and here’s what it is:

Since attachment to something that evolves, changes, appears, or disappears no longer makes sense, instead, we start turning our attention toward what always remains the same. Toward what always has our back. Toward what’s perpetually dependable and unfailing. Toward the only thing that’s permanent: the true Self, Awareness, Consciousness, or God.

And as we turn our attention toward, and reattach our identity to, who we truly are in the first place, we experience nothing but security, peace, and love.

Inward and up,

Garret

Further Away

As I often say to those who visit my New Jersey office, “If following our time together, the only outcome is that it no longer makes sense to employ mental tools, techniques, strategies, or practices for the purpose of finding the true Self (awareness, consciousness, or meditation)—then it’ll be well worth your trip.”

But why? Why is it absolutely essential that you stop trying to use your mind for the purpose of finding peace?

Here’s the short answer: The human mind, the intellect, cannot grasp or locate what comes before it.

In other words, while the true Self has the ability to assume the form of all objects, including the human mind, the human mind has no ability to find its way back to the true Self. Like the images on a movie screen that can’t access the projector, objects can’t access, let alone understand, their source. Regrettably, today’s worlds of cognitive therapy and mental training say different. So we’re buying in to this methodology in droves, trying to work backward, and spinning our wheels to no avail.

Remember: The true Self—its peace and presence—is experienced or felt. Not deliberately figured out or found. That’s the reason mind strategies should be abandoned. They jam the intuitive or creative process. And take you further away from the peaceful or insightful space you seek.

Thank you for considering,

Garret

Overlooking Imagination

Imagination is sometimes defined as: “A faculty of the mind or consciousness which forms and manipulates images.”

Just ponder that definition for a minute. Rather than your experience (feelings, perceptions, sensations) being caused by people, places, things, and circumstances—is it actually possible that the mind or consciousness intuitively imagines the people, places, things, and circumstances that you experience?

I’d say the answer is yes.

And when it comes to navigating your way through the game of life, I’d also say that overlooking imagination, or the actuality that everything you experience is imagined, is never in your best interest. Why? Because this is when the game of life turns real, serious, or threatening. This is when you’ll suffer.

Case in point: Have you ever experienced a problem and assumed that it was a real event that had to be dealt with for you to be okay? Right, we all have. Then what happened when you dealt with the problem? I know, you became more and more mired in it. But what happened when you got distracted and stopped trying to fix the problem? Yep, it vanished. All because the problem was never there or real in the first place. It only existed in imagination.

To be clear, nowhere in this post did I present the possibility that imagination or experiences aren’t real. They are very real. It’s what you imagine or experience—the figures, objects, circumstances, triumphs, setbacks, problems—that aren’t real or separate entities that can survive on their own. And, again, we pay a heavy price when we fail to consider or overlook this basic, while countercultural and even mind-blowing, principle.

Inward and up,

Garret