Garret Kramer's Blog, page 30

Thinking You Can Win

Are you convinced that in order to succeed at anything, you must think the right types of thoughts? As a result, do you often try to fix your thinking? If so, what you’re actually doing is thwarting the success you want so badly. Why? Because there’s no direct connection between what you think and winning.

You’re not alone in this misconception. Even most performance experts are missing this essential perspective. What, for example, do the majority of sports psychologists suggest to help their clients overcome their struggles? They give them techniques or things to do to fix their thinking—state affirmations, forgive, accept, remain calm, or visualize good outcomes—which will only makes them think and struggle more.

The truth is that every person (to varying degrees) already grasps the insignificant nature of what pops into his or her head. To illustrate, let’s say you’re food shopping and you think about stealing a candy bar from the supermarket. The reason you, like most people, don’t steal is because you know that doing so is just a random thought. And believing or following your thinking is not a requirement.

Here’s an example of this principle involving my daughter, Chelsea, a high school lacrosse player. A good scorer, in her last game Chelsea completely missed a perfect pass fed to her right in front of the other team’s goal. It was an unusual error. At dinner that night, she admitted that right before that play she was thinking, “Oh my God, I’m wide open; I hope I don’t mess this up.”

I asked Chelsea what she did about that silly thought, and she replied, “I told myself to chill, but it obviously didn’t work!”

And it never will. If a person has a lot of thinking going on in his or her head, sure, the person will feel uptight (like Chelsea at that moment). But trying to fix this overload of thought requires more thinking, which only increases the level of nervousness, eventually lowering awareness and reducing one’s field of vision. Even adding in positive thinking (like trying to chill) further jams the system; a system, by the way, that’s destined to clear and make sense of things, on its own.

So, what was my advice to Chelsea the other night at dinner? Simply this: “Remember kid, you can win (and score goals) no matter what you’re thinking. When you feel insecure about anything, never add more thought into a head that’s got too much thought in there to begin with.”

“I shouldn’t try to fix things when I feel that way?” Chelsea asked.

“No. Just go play; let your instincts take care of clearing the clutter.”

She then wondered, “Will that help me catch the ball?”

“Maybe,” I said, “but, for sure, it will help you see that whether you catch the ball or not, or whether you win or lose, you’ll be just fine.”

Chelsea concluded, “I’m feeling better already, thanks, Dad. Can we go outside and take some shots?  The state tournament starts next week—I just got an idea that might help us win!”

The clutter was clear.

Coming Out

Last week, basketball player Jason Collins became the first team sport pro athlete in the U.S. to reveal that he’s gay. Good for him. Collins followed his feelings (at least, I assume he did) and opened up to others about his sexuality. Anytime a person acts instinctively and freely the results will prove productive. However, what Collins’s actions shouldn’t do is encourage others to mindlessly follow suit. Coming out of the closet is neither right nor wrong in itself. Like all behaviors and decisions, the state of mind from which a person acts will always determine its effectiveness.

My message about Collins is indeed quite different than what we’ve heard over the past several days. For example, I watched tennis great Martina Navratilova claim that Collins’s actions are destined to prevent teen suicide because one-third of all teen suicides are related to gay teens who are afraid to open up. But that’s not how it works. Teens—gay or straight—who understand that their feelings come from their thinking, and not from anything else, will overcome their insecure thoughts (about anything) and thrive. Those who mistakenly believe that their feelings come from the world outside will fall prey to the attitudes of that world.

What’s even more important, I believe, is to point out that Collins is no different than you or me. His troubles, and yours and mine, are created for one reason—he thinks. In spite of our biological characteristics, upbringing, or personality, for everyone, thought is the missing link between happiness and despair. Those who understand that our reality is shaped by the ever-changing nature of our thinking will navigate smoothly through life no matter what thoughts occur to them—or what they choose to do in private. In fact, to me, the more we talk about what we have in common (every human being is blessed with, and challenged by, the power of thought) as opposed to talking about our conjured-up differences (gay, straight, black, white, foreign, domestic, tall, short, fat, skinny, rich, poor)—the more peaceful and giving the world will become.

Okay, Jason Collins is a gay pro athlete. And…? Being gay doesn’t define him or anyone else. Does Collins understand not to believe the thoughts that randomly pop into his head? Does he get that his feelings come from his thinking and not from his sexual orientation? Does he set a resilient example for others (as Jackie Robinson and Martin Luther King did)? At first glance, that seems to be the case. If I’m right, then let’s look to him as an example of clarity and courage. That’s what defines Jason Collins.

Here’s what really hit me when I heard the news about Collins coming out: We’re all the same, people; it’s time to get our act together. Any differences between us are purely the byproduct of thought—all made up.

Same Guy, Different Perspective

Here’s an interesting story about the inside-out nature of the human experience. It begins with a vociferous fan at the back-to-back home doubleheaders played by my son’s college baseball team two weekends ago. He was the father of a player on the opposing team. For two straight days, and through all four games, this guy cheered extremely loudly. No matter the score, he would not let up.

By the end of the final game, I noticed that many of the parents on our side had become irritated with his behavior. In fact, one parent came up to me and asked my opinion about what they should do about the guy.

I replied, “Nothing. Let him be.”

To which the parent inquired, “How can we let him be? He’s ruining our experience!”

To which I answered: “First, that’s impossible (he can’t ruin our experience). And second, the fan hasn’t said one negative thing the entire weekend; he hasn’t yelled at the umpires, disrespected our players, or used foul language. Sure, his fervor is over-the-top, but all he’s really done is consistently root for his team.”

My fellow parent considered my answer for a moment and said, “Hmm, that’s an interesting perspective. I didn’t look at it that way, but he’s still an obnoxious SOB!”

Meanwhile, flash forward to this past weekend. The same parent approached me at another game. He had reflected on our conversation, and it occurred to him that it wasn’t the fan who was affecting his emotions—it was his own judgmental thinking. He agreed that the fan was simply enthusiastic and not the least bit critical. He even claimed that perhaps our parents could learn a lesson about team support from the guy.

Wow. A week prior the fan was Attila the Hun. Now he was a model of passion!

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Don’t forget: Your perceptions are only shaped one way—from inside of you to outside of you. Nothing or no one can make you feel a certain way—not another person’s behavior, your environment, or circumstances. Yes, almost always, it will seem like this is not the case. It will look like the world outside drives your senses. But knowing that it can’t work that way is what safeguards your experience and how you respond. 

The truth is that throughout the course of that weekend, to me, the exuberant fan appeared both enthusiastic and obnoxious—and his behavior didn’t change one bit. Understanding that my own thinking and mindset creates my feelings is what allowed me to keep a level head at those moments when, like the others, I wanted to tell the fan to sit down and shut up. It also allowed me to enjoy the games and find the good in an innocent person who approaches watching baseball differently than I do.

Oh and by the way, if you’re wondering if the time is ever right to confront someone like this fan, the answer is yes. But, trust me, you won’t feel irritated or wonder about what you should do. You’ll just act. Irritated feelings come from your thinking and only your thinking. When you feel that way (regarding any life situation), simply stay in your seat and watch the game. Your perspective will shift in no time.

What’s Meaningful to Me

I was recently asked to write about what’s meaningful to me about my work. I thought my response might shed some light on the paradigm that I teach. Any questions, as always, please reach out. 

What’s meaningful to me? Teaching others (or better yet, reminding others) that, in principle, nothing or no one can make them feel a certain way. Their feelings come from inside of them—from their thinking. Why is this meaningful? Because understanding that your feelings come from the ebbs and flows of your thinking is the difference between living at the mercy of circumstance, and knowing that when you feel insecure or confused your mind will automatically self-correct back to clarity—no matter the circumstance.

The fact is that 99 percent of us are walking through life believing that a person’s experience (what happens to him or her) is the source of the person’s state of mind. But the opposite is true: One’s state of mind is the source of his or her experience. If you want proof of this natural phenomenon, simply consider a time when you fretted about something, then you became distracted and turned your attention elsewhere, but then returned to the same circumstance and wondered, “What in the world was I worried about, this is a piece of cake.” The circumstance didn’t change. Your thinking and mindset did, and so did your outlook.

What’s more, when you grasp that you live in the feeling of your thinking, not in the feeling of life events, you won’t make the mistake of looking outside for excuses when you do struggle. Nor will you look outside for cures in endless therapy sessions, prescription drugs, or illicit behavior. Every problem known to mankind is rooted in someone’s belief that the outside world is responsible for his or her inner feelings. Human beings create their troubles via their own thinking—not from their past, environment, political affiliation, failures, neighbors, or spouse.

This is not to say that you should ever try to fix your thinking. Not at all. Merely consider that you live in a thought-based reality (not a circumstance-based reality), keep living, and your mind will find a fresh perspective about any topic on its own.

Remember: Like your body is designed to regulate to a core temperature of 98.6, your mind is designed to regulate to clarity—freedom, understanding, determination, and love will then follow. The next time you feel down, again, don’t look outside for reasons or fixes. Doing so thwarts your innate ability to find answers. Rather, look inward to the value of your thinking at that moment. What’s meaningful to me is you knowing that your feelings only come from there.

The Mental Game

We often hear that in sports, or other performance-related activities, the mental game is as important as the physical game. Fair enough. But what exactly is the mental game?

Most people define the mental game using words like: having confidence, belief, a good attitude, or thinking the right thoughts. And this, alas, is where most people are missing the mark and why they don’t grasp the psychological side of performance.

The truth is that confidence, belief, and attitude—the type of thoughts that pop into our heads—are not relevant for success. We can win no matter what we are thinking because thoughts, in principle, are powerless. That’s why,  if you’re thinking negatively, trying to fix or control your thinking will always take you backward, while staying in the game (simply going about your business and leaving your errant thinking alone) will always provide hope.

Here’s how your mind works (and, yes, it works like this for everyone): You live in the feeling of your thinking. An overabundance of thinking produces a lousy feeling in your gut—e.g., a lack of confidence and a sensation of insecurity. The system, however, is designed to intuitively discard this log-jam of thought, leaving you with a clear head. And a clear head automatically defaults to confidence and security.

You might be wondering: If the problem is that easy to solve, why is the mental game even an issue?  Or why do so many theories about the mental game exist today? The reason is that 99 percent of so called mental-game experts don’t know it works that simply. They believe that when a performer is bogged down in thought the performer must do something—utilize a strategy, technique, or tool—in order to clear his or her head and then find belief. Yet doing something requires the performer to think, and an excess of thinking is what causes a low feeling state in the first place. In other words, mental fixes require doing; doing requires thought; thought is what creates struggle. We want less thought—not more!

Remember, any performance expert who sells external methods to improve your mental game doesn’t understand the mental game. When you struggle, your mind is perfectly designed to empty on its own. Case in point: Two favorite tools of many mental conditioning coaches are deep breathing and visualization. But both are natural functions. Deliberately forcing yourself to breathe or picture a performance outcome (visualization) requires a lot of thinking, and, again, thinking is the only thing that can get in the way of your mind’s intuitive functioning (the innate ability to regulate to clarity) and your potential to achieve.

5 Surprising Lessons We Can Learn from Mike Rice, Tim Pernetti, and the Rutgers Basketball Team

By now, you’ve most likely watched and listened to the video on which now-former Rutgers University Head Basketball Coach Mike Rice abuses his players. He throws basketballs at them; he grabs, shoves and kicks; and he makes numerous condescending and inflammatory remarks.

In response to this behavior, in December, Rutgers’ now-former Athletic Director Tim Pernetti suspended Rice for three games and fined him $75,000. Within 24 hours of the video’s airing last week, Rice was fired—and many thought that Pernetti and the University President should lose their jobs as well (Pernetti resigned last Friday).

To me, though, what’s important about this story is why a coach would act in this manner and why Rutgers—including the players and assistant coaches—would put up with it.

Here, then, are five surprising lessons we can learn from this disturbing situation.

 

1.  Those who bully do not understand their own feelings.

Mike Rice made the common mistake of attributing his feelings of insecurity and anger to the performance of his players. Like all bullies, his dysfunctional behavior was the result of blaming others for his feelings rather than being accountable for them.

2.  Looking outside oneself for the cause of distress amplifies the distress.

Because feelings spring from inside of us (from our thinking), not from external factors, looking to circumstances or other people to explain or justify our own negative feelings of disappointment, frustration, or anger will only perpetuate the distress.

3.  A person’s mindset creates his or her reality.

According to reports, there were many practices where Rice did not act in the manner shown on film in spite of his team’s sloppy play. When Rice’s mood was high, he cared and understood. When low, he judged and demeaned. Knowing that one’s perceptions and feelings about others are based on the variability of one’s own thinking and mindset is the key to pulling back when desperate—and going like gangbusters when inspired.

4.  Human beings are wired for compassion.

Why didn’t Pernetti fire Rice in December, and why didn’t the players and assistant coaches blow the whistle on Rice much earlier? One reason is that the human mind is built to take contaminated thinking out and replace it with compassion and understanding. Regardless of what happens to us, everyone’s mindset is wired to default to clarity, and when clear, human beings instinctively find the good and discard the bad. Unlike the public who only witnessed the dysfunction, those closest to Rice experienced both sides of his personality and found hope in the pleasant side.

5.  Buying into the edicts of a culture or telling people how to behave won’t lead to productive behavior.

Mike Rice has been around sports his whole life (his father was a dictatorial coach too). He’s been told how to act and what to do as an athlete and coach. However, all this outside-in conditioning does is thwart one’s instincts and free will. I’m not excusing delinquent behavior, but with free will and instincts thwarted—that’s what you get.  

The same goes for the players, assistant coaches, and others who didn’t stand up to the bullying (not surprisingly, Rutgers also didn’t perform well on the court). Again, adhering to the edicts of culture binds a person’s thinking, thwarts free will, and creates followers who aren’t capable of coming through in the big moment.

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Remember: The degree to which people fully understand that they’re guided by the up and down nature of their thinking—not by the up and down nature of their life—will result in their ability to lead giving and successful lives no matter the circumstances.

Individuals like Mike Rice who don’t realize that they feel they’re thinking, and nothing else, will often behave errantly. No one likes to feel anxious or angry, but Rice blamed his players, and since his feelings had nothing to do with his players—things spiraled downward from there.

It’s a given: Believing that one’s feelings are caused by something on the outside is a perilous entity. The Rutgers’ saga, regrettably, joins a growing list of what happens when people mistake their circumstances, or those around them, as the source of their insecurity.

Behind the Scenes

People sometimes want to know what happens behind the scenes in the work I do with athletes, coaches, or business leaders. So this week, I’ve decided to post an example. Last Wednesday evening, a college baseball coach called me and asked about the right time and place to support, instruct, or chide a player. We spoke for about an hour and a half on the subject. Below is my follow-up note to him about the call.

I hope you find it helpful.

Garret

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Coach,

As promised, here’s a quick summary of the important points we discussed last night:

1. The underlying cause of struggle, for everyone, is an excess of thought in their heads. When a player is struggling (on or off the field), any suggestion that requires application, doing, or deliberate action will also require thinking, which will only jam the player’s head even more.

2. When mentoring, it’s always better to stay away from the personal or factual and look toward the philosophical. Personal thinking thwarts happiness and performance levels. For instance, during our call you spoke quite a bit about your own baseball career and how you use your past playing experiences as examples for your players today. Many coaches do this (parents, teachers, and employers too). However, it’s best to keep the focus on your players and not on you since—besides the fact that your players need to stay present—looking back to your own successes and failures lowers your own well-being (you have to think hard to go back to the past and, again, an excess of thought is what lowers clarity). This hinders your instinctive ability to help others.

Here’s an illustration of not adding thought into a player’s, and your own, head:

During a game, an infielder doesn’t charge the ball and makes an error. At the end of the inning, he returns to the dugout distraught. You as his coach now have two choices: to discuss the play (positively, critically, whatever) or not. You choose the latter; you simply decide to walk over to the player and affectionately pat his shoulder or head (you do nothing else). This demonstration of love then rubs off not only on him, but on the rest of the team as the players see that, in spite of your wanting the guys to make plays, you rise above your own frustration and look toward compassion and understanding instead. This frees your players to look within themselves, to their own innate resilience, so consciousness rises and awareness expands. The result is: they play better, of course.

But what about the mistake (not charging the ball)? Here you go: Later, after the game or in practice the next day, you remind the player, or the whole team, that confusion or indecision is simply the effect of a random overload of thought in a person’s head. This innocently happens to everyone, and when it occurs, a person is always better off doing what he normally does or staying the course. Why? Because staying the course (in this case, charging the ball even though the player doesn’t feel like it) allows the mind to self-correct back to clarity.

A non-baseball example of this might be the subject of writer’s block. If a writer does something (take a walk or procrastinate in some other way) to rid his head of the thoughts that are causing writer’s block, he gets more blocked. If he keeps writing, his head will clear on its own. Trust me, if you used this example, the infielder will get the connection and see that what he must do when insecurity creeps in is charge the ball like crazy. Doing this allows the mind to clear. That’s not to say that he’s always better off charging the ball, but backing up on a ball (like everything in life) is only proper when it occurs instinctively (with no thought).

I hope this summary helps, coach. Any questions, give me a ring.

Garret

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The same goes for you: Any questions, give me a ring. GK

From Chapter 4 of The Path of No Resistance

The following excerpt is from Chapter 4, “Staying in the Game,” of my upcoming book, The Path of No Resistance. Keep in mind, what’s below is unedited and subject to change.

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions on previous posts from the book.

Keep ‘em coming!

Garret

 

…Incidentally, not all business writers are missing it these days. I’ll talk about one at chapter’s end who makes a lot of sense. Meantime, if you want to be productive, but just can’t seem to get out of your own way, consider these seven fundamental reminders. They’ll direct you inward, where your most productive self rests.

Your ability to be productive is only as good as your thinking and mindset in the moment.
Any productivity strategy will be ineffective from an unclear mental perspective.
If you stay on task, your level of clarity and productivity will improve on their own.
If you’re wondering whether or not it’s time to take a break, it’s not time.
If taking a break is automatic and obvious—instinctual—take it. You won’t need me to remind you of this, however.
Your perception of a task is based on your level of clarity in the moment. The same task will appear challenging from an unclear mindset, and a piece of cake from a clear one.
No matter what you do, acting from inspiration is productive; desperation, not a chance.

 

Woods, Colvin, and Gladwell

If ever there was an athlete who exemplifies my final productivity reminder it’s Tiger Woods. And right off, let me just say, if you’re one of the many who lined up and judged him late in 2009—well, that’s on you. We all get the wool pulled over our eyes from time to time by our thinking, and Woods is no different. True, I’ve stressed that you can’t do anything about what pops into your head (including judgmental thoughts regarding others), but following these thoughts is no requirement.

That said, here in the middle of Chapter 4, let’s regroup. I’ve talked a lot about what staying in the game is, but I feel it’s equally important to talk about what staying in the game is not. I’m going with my feelings on this regrouping move—believe me.

Staying in the game is not the practice of “deliberate practice” that Geoff Colvin reveals in his book, Talent is Overrated.* It’s also not applying the 10,000 hour rule that forms the basis of Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers.* As we went over, it’s never the amount of time put in or how hard you push that determines excellence—it’s the mindset from which you do the pushing. Not to be curt, but staying in the game is the opposite of grinding your rear end off!

I respect the work of these two authors; we just see the source of success differently. And since many people are turning to information and data in books like this for motivation, I think it’s important to highlight our differences: In brief, it’s outside-in versus inside-out. To me, there’s not a cause-and-effect relationship between how long one works/how hard one works—and maximizing talent. The data shows a correlation, but that’s all it shows.

In their books, both Colvin and Gladwell use Tiger Woods as proof for their theories. They insist that Woods’s golf mastery was the symptom of hours of rigorous practice. Really? The fact is that Woods still puts in tons of practice today. His level of achievement, though, isn’t what it used to be. If his work ethic was responsible for his success, why isn’t Woods winning at the same rate then?

Some say it’s because years of arduous training have taken its toll on his body. Many say his off-course issues are insurmountable. The former might be true, the latter is not. Either way, don’t forget: Woods won the 2008 US Open while playing on a broken leg; amid the off-course behavior that caused a firestorm. So if it’s not lack of effort, injury, or a way-too-public scandal, what’s preventing his former level of success?

Simple, it’s a matter of the extent to which Woods stays in the game. And there’ve been glimpses in 2012 and 2013 that he’s on the right path.

Like it works for everyone, when Woods’s feelings falter, due to the normal ebb and flow of thought, his perceptual field narrows as awareness descends. There’s not much he can do to prevent this, but hitting a wayward golf shot should be the worst result. However, if he tries to make adjustments to his swing, or his life, from this psychological disposition, things will nosedive. Staying in the game means that Woods must just go about his business and keep hitting golf shots since, left alone, his thinking is destined to clear. Staying in the game is the opposite of panic. Staying in the game is faith.

What it’s not is going to the practice range and pounding balls from a countenance guaranteed to take one’s performance lower. Colvin and Gladwell, unfortunately, don’t factor in the principle that insecure feelings come from our random and variable thinking; not from our golf games. Colvin even talks about the fact that Woods and his father both defined “hard work” as the foundation of their success. It might have looked that way to them, but remember: passion is not the same as hard work.

Apart from his section on Woods, here’s something else in Colvin’s book that’s often misconstrued when it comes to resilience. He writes that IQ isn’t much of a factor for success. Fair enough. But he uses this theory to insinuate, again, that willpower is what’s necessary to overcome it.

No. Willpower cannot overcome an ordinary or low intellect. Rising above circumstance (IQ included) is the result of knowing that circumstances are neutral. People who’ve been taught that the “wiring” of their brain can hold them down or predestine become victims of it. Their lack of understanding, level of consciousness, is what creates a lack of effort. It’s not a lack of will or smarts. You can sell “paying the price” to this type of person until you’re blue in the face, it won’t make a difference. You’ve seen the movie Forrest Gump haven’t you? Forrest Gump didn’t possess the keenest of intellects, but he was conscious—and, in lieu of labor, an involuntary success.

One other thing that people miss, when it comes to the intellect, effort, and success, is that the brain and the mind are not the same thing. The brain is biological. It’s like a computer; you can only get out what you put in. The mind is spiritual. Its intelligence is infinite. Grasping this difference is what points people away from overthinking—using the intellect (brain) in futility—and toward the clarity and quiet from which insights arise. When insights arise, no matter the circumstance, a person can work all day without fatigue. That’s Tiger Woods, Forrest Gump, or anyone when they’re at their best.

Finally, the most dangerous part of the theories of deliberate practice and the 10,000 hour rule is they run the risk of revving up the brains and bodies of our youth. It’s always a mistake, I think, to not make one’s level of consciousness the number-one priority before the start of any task or exercise. Several parents of high school and college students, with whom I work, have even a used these theories as erroneous justification for pushing their sons and daughters—way too hard…

Because He Can

This past weekend, I heard from a college baseball player who attended one of my seminars last summer. He asked me this question: “If I make the plays that I’m supposed to make, what should I do if my coach complains that I’m not making the plays the way he wants me to?” Hmm, great question.

And upon closer examination, it seems that this player has a flair for the dramatic; he plays a bit loose and fancy-free. While, by contrast, his coach likes to play it conservative. He doesn’t appreciate players who in his mind “show off.”

Indeed, this dilemma isn’t unusual; it occurs in many areas—not just sports. I’ve seen this same push-and-pull go on between employers and creative young employees, in politics and scholastic environments, even in households. To me, the answer to the dilemma can be found in this brief story:

About ten years ago, I gave a talk at the Noble and Greenough School in Dedham, Massachusetts. Before the talk, I skated with the school hockey team, which is coached by Brian Day, a former college teammate of mine who, in my opinion, is at the very top tier of coaches anywhere.

Toward the end of practice, one of Brian’s players (who went on to have an All-American career at Boston College) “showed off.” He came down the right wing, put the puck between his legs, kicked it with his left skate, twirled around, and launched the puck into the upper left-hand corner of the net.

Brian’s first-year assistant coach immediately skated over to where Brian and I were standing and inquired, “You’re not going to let him get away with that ‘hot-dog’ move, are you?”

Brian said, “Yes, I am.”

“Why?” the assistant coach, indignantly asked. “Why would you let him try that type of play? All the guys aren’t that capable.”

Brian’s insightful retort, “Because he can!”

I’ll never forget those simple, yet brilliant words. In truth, it’s never productive for a mentor to thwart the imagination and free will of someone else. If you’re a coach, teacher, employer, or parent—consider this: The best leaders allow instincts to flourish. They understand that there’s more than one way to field a ball, score a goal, or do anything for that matter.

As Brian reminded me that day, if a person “can”—then please, give that individual the rope to step outside the box. Believe me, if you do, your organization (or family) will produce inventive and inspiring leaders who, more often than not, will come through when the chips are down.

Another Excerpt

Here’s another except from my upcoming new book, The Path of No Resistance: Why Overcoming is Simpler than You Think. It falls right at the end of Chapter 3. Keep in mind: At this stage of the game the book is still unedited, so things might change a bit.

As always, comments or questions—you know where to find me.

Garret

 

……What do you know? A word that you most likely thought was relegated to the touchy-feely section of your life playbook, actually belongs front and center in the go-to section. Indisputably, feelings are your most reliable resource. Nothing or no one can influence how you feel; your feelings come from inside of you.

That’s why I want to close this chapter by examining what happens when people numb or anesthetize their feelings; predominantly through the use of drugs and alcohol. Many people will disagree with what I’m about to say, and that’s fine. As we discussed, I can only speak based on my level of understanding, so, from my heart, this is what I see.

The thought/feeling connection is the building block of the human experience. I hope that through the first three chapters of this book, this principle is now clear. What this means, and I hope it’s clear too, is that your feelings are the sole indicator of the value of your thinking. When you feel off in your gut, it’s an indication that you are not thinking straight. When you feel light or free in your gut, it’s an indication you are thinking straight. Because you, like all human beings, cannot control the thoughts that pop into your head, your feelings serve as the middle man between your thoughts and if you should act on your thoughts (your behavior).

So, when you get stuck on a thought, your feelings are telling you if the thought has merit, or not. For example, if you have the thought that you should quit your well-paying desk job of twenty years, your feelings are guiding your next move. If you feel off or bound up about it, your feelings are telling you to go back to your desk and dive into your work. If it was truly time to leave your job, you might feel melancholy, but you wouldn’t feel anxious. Again, you feel your thinking, not your circumstance (your job). And knowing this prevents you from acting on potentially detrimental thoughts; allowing you to self-corrective back to coherence.

But let’s look at a different scenario. Say a young man who doesn’t understand the thought/feeling connection has been experiencing a rash of innocent, but destructive thoughts and feelings. Regrettably, no one informs the young man that what he feels is his thinking, so he has little choice but to delve into his life for the causes for why he feels so low. He examines his childhood, his surroundings, a genetic diagnosis, and his seemingly grim future. He’s looking into a bottomless pit; his thoughts spiral downward and out of control. It gets so bad that he turns to drugs or the abuse of alcohol to anesthetize his anxious feeling state—a last resort.

As a result, the young man feels calmer; more in control. But since his feelings don’t create his thinking (thinking always comes first), he’s still experiencing, and being stopped by, an onslaught of destructive thoughts. Now danger lurks. The link from his thoughts to his feelings has been breached by an outside numbing agent; the middle man is gone. There’s no way for him to know that his destructive thoughts have no merit. He accepts them as real—he acts on in these thoughts with mortifying consequence.

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The purpose of this example is not to excuse dysfunctional behavior, or to paint a defeatist picture of the world in which we live. Not at all. The purpose of this example, like the purpose of this book, is to provide a promising direction not yet considered.

We keep looking for reasons why people do what they do, and keep finding circumstantial smokescreens. A person’s level of consciousness—the degree to which one sees that his or her sensory experiences come from thought—is the only explanation for his or her behavior.

At this point in The Path of No Resistance, my suggestion, especially for young people, is this: Listen to your feelings; don’t deaden them by looking outside for answers. Life is a rollercoaster of never-ending experiences and opportunities. If you start messing with the thought/feeling connection, you disrupt your innate ability to rise to the top.

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Here’s a quick-half-time overview of the material we’ve covered so far:

Your live in the feeling of your thinking; not the feeling of your circumstances.
Your reality is created from the inside-out via your thinking.
Your feelings are your guide to the reliability of your thinking. A bound-up gut feeling means that you’re thinking, and reality in the moment, isn’t reliable.

 

So what comes next? In order to keep your self-correcting system working to full capacity, you must stay in the game. I’ll cover that in Chapter 4……