Garret Kramer's Blog, page 12

The Foundation

In my many years as coach or consultant, I’ve come across just about every psychological, motivational, or educational system on the market. Intellectual ones, zen ones; some born from research, some from life experience; some from trained experts, some from random dudes on social media. All of them well-meaning, most carefully considered, and some really good.

Here’s the thing, though, absent of a specific tidbit of universal knowledge—the foundation—even the shrewdest of systems will lack effectiveness. And sadly, in schools, books, lectures, and workshops all over the world, this foundation is missing.

What is this foundation?

That no matter how much it looks otherwise, the feelings of human beings are not the result of environment, the past, the actions of others, or anything on the outside. What human beings feel comes from thought. Today, the world is trapped in the misunderstanding, or illusion, that things on the outside do cause feelings. And this misunderstanding is drastically stunting our growth.

To illustrate, there are thousands of educational “foundations” across the globe. They provide funding for schools, supplies, teachers, coaches, even nourishment. However, most actually fail at a foundational level. That is, in order to bring out their best, young people must first grasp what they’re not being taught: that their best rests within them, only. Shiny new schools are valuable. But they don’t cause resilience. Or excellence. Or love. In fact, inadvertently, these kids are being pointed outside for answers. This requires a ton of intellectual analysis and effort—jamming the mind, obstructing realization, and, as I said, stunting growth.

The bottom line is that with any structure or process, a just foundation must be the starting point. That’s why, when it comes to psychology, motivation, or education, the foundation must be the thought-feeling connection—and the potent reminder that a circumstance-feeling connection doesn’t truly exist. Without this universal knowledge (and in spite of the best efforts of many), living up to potential will continue for human beings as a complete shot in the dark.

The Common Habit of Replacing Mistruth with Mistruth

You might not realize it, but every day, in a quest to ease our suffering, the self-help world encourage us to take mistruth and replace it with more mistruth. And since this obviously benefits no one, in this article, I’m going to point out some frequent examples of this and provide explanation for each.

As you move along from example to example, see if you can pick up on the truth that actually does replace all mistruth and, thus, benefits everyone. Here goes:

Replacing “worry” with “positive self-talk.”

Worry comes from the normal build up of thought. It need not be replaced at all (it’s designed to subside on its own). In fact, deliberate self-talk requires more thought. This prevents worry from subsiding.

Replacing “a focus on outcomes” with “a focus on process.”

While we all do it to a certain degree, looking outside for answers is extremely unhelpful to human beings. As most in the performance world acknowledge, outcomes are found outside. But guess what? Process is, too.

Replacing “I’m a product of my circumstances” with “I’m a product of my decisions.”

Because we all work inside-out, circumstances—the past, where we come from, a physical condition—do not determine our future. However, it’s not our decisions that do this. How happy and productive a person’s life becomes and the value of a person’s decisions are both effects, or byproducts, of the extent to which that person understands the first sentence of this paragraph (that we experience life from inside to out).

Replacing “fix your thoughts” with “acknowledge your thoughts.”

The human mind is built to self-correct. Both fixing thoughts and acknowledging thoughts (like self-talk above) are external strategies that work to our detriment. Why? Because they consume more thought and effort. This adds clutter, obstructing the human mind’s innate propensity to self-correct.

Replacing “it’s that guy’s fault” with “look in the mirror.”

When we feel bad, it’s easy to look outside, rather than inside to our thinking in the moment, and pin it on someone else. But blame is blame. Most people don’t consider that they are on the outside, too. Therefore, self-blame is just another form of looking in the direction (outside) where answers cannot be found.

Replacing “fixed mindset” with “growth mindset.”

Sure, when human beings experience mental clutter, we feel bound-up and uneasy. And when human beings experience mental clarity, we feel free and relaxed. Thing is: Both are normal. The notion that when we feel fixed in our thinking, we can and should strategically change to a perspective of growth (or risk stifling our potential to transform, improve, or develop) is the epitome of looking outside and trying to repair something that’s not broken (it’s designed to change on its own). Besides, since both mindsets are normal, our potential to excel from either is the exact same.

Replacing “can’t find my purpose” with “find your why.”

Similar to the feelings described above that occur from clutter or clarity, we all feel absent of purpose when our thinking builds and gets the better of us. This feeling, though, isn’t telling us that we actually lack purpose and need to go find it (our “why”) outside. That wild-goose chase takes us further form our true purpose, which has nothing to do with circumstance and rests inside, always.

Replacing “detention in schools” with “meditation class in schools.”

As mentioned, the only thing that can elevate the consciousness of human beings is our innate propensity to self-correct (aka, “the psychological immune system”). And while the act of sitting in detention has no power to activate a young person’s psychological immune system, the act of meditation doesn’t either (that’s why, when we meditate, sometimes we feel good and sometimes we don’t). Quite simply, school children will easily ascend to clarity and calm to the degree they don’t employ strategies—including the act of meditation—to help them get there.

Replacing “success drives my happiness” with “my family drives my happiness.”

Here’s a common one from the world of pro sports. Buying into the outside-in mistruth that success on the field causes happiness is an athlete’s shortest route to failure. What many miss, however, is that looking outside to one’s spouse, children, or parents for happiness causes failure, too. In other words, looking toward family as opposed to success makes no difference. It’s looking outside that gets us in hot water, regardless of where.

Replacing “I don’t care if you’re the best” with “I just love watching you play or perform.”

At first glance, this advice to parents that’s currently making the social-media rounds sounds on-target. But no. Surely a parent’s love doesn’t depend on the performance level of his or her child. Yet love—the ultimate compound of clarity of mind, the ultimate truth—is a standalone entity. It has nothing to do with watching one’s child perform. Connecting love to the behavior of a child (or to anything on the outside) is never in anyone’s best interest.

Replacing “a circumstance can make you feel a certain way” with “it’s your thoughts about a circumstance that make you feel a certain way.”

This last one is tricky—even for spiritual teachers. While it’s a spiritual truth that our feelings are connected to our thinking, and not to our circumstances, this doesn’t mean that our feelings are connected what we’re thinking about. Thought is spiritual energy. It fills our minds, it falls away—and this ebb and flow is the only thing we feel. In short, human beings don’t think in words. Thought, then feelings occur. The intellect then looks outside and manually attaches words, making it about something. Although it never really is.

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There’s the list. Did you notice the constant? The one truth which replaces all mistruth? If not, here’s a hint: Every bad feeling—be it insecurity, anxiousness, frustration, anger, or apathy—is the result of looking outside for the cause of, and cure for, one’s feeling state. This means that since looking outside is the cause of bad feelings, we can’t feel better by cycling back outside (albeit to a different circumstance or strategy), again and again.

It’s pretty simple, actually: The only thing that prevents the psychological immune system from working is looking outside. Want to ease suffering? Then replace “looking outside” with “it’s never productive to look that way.” Or better yet, replace it with this age-old truth: “The answers you seek rest inside.”

Thanks for reading,

Garret

Victims of Circumstance

Twice in a row. On consecutive calls last week, I had players tell me that their hockey teams had fallen victim to circumstance the night before. What does it mean to fall victim to circumstance? It means to examine a life situation, make a negative assumption about what’s going to take place, and then to manifest that result.

To be specific, since both players’ teams were competing in the second of back-to-back games on the road, players and coaches assumed that their teams would feel fatigued, lack energy, and perform poorly. And, as suggested, that’s exactly what happened.

So, using fatigue as the example, let’s rectify this commonplace misunderstanding.

The truth is that human beings can only feel their thinking. Meaning, fatigue is an effect of thought, not hockey games. Or said another way, there’s not a transmitter from an external circumstance (back-to-back games) to one’s feelings (fatigue). It doesn’t actually exist.

Need proof? Consider this: Have you ever been super tired and lacked energy, but then an emergency suddenly struck? Your need for sleep didn’t change as you sprung into action, did it? No. Your thinking changed, and so did your level of energy. That’s because a thought-feeling transmitter does actually exist.

As I said, the outside-in misunderstanding is common—and unfortunate. Most of us fail to grasp the alluring power of this innocent trick of the mind. I’ve seen coaches (in dealing with the same lack-of-sleep issue) ineffectively remove older players from lineups, thinking they can “fix” their team’s fatigue. I’ve also heard coaches claim that their players were getting outhustled by a more rested opponent when it just wasn’t true.

Although it often looks otherwise, what you feel, and experience, is a projection of your own thinking and nothing else. If you believe it works the opposite (what occurs on the outside can cause you to feel a certain way on the inside), then you’re easily a victim. While, no matter the life situation or feeling, grasping that the human experience is created from inside to out activates your innate capacity to rise above.

The Key to Consistency

Here’s a brief article to remind you about the sole key to consistency—in sports, business, relationships, or anything you do:

Understanding that inner ups and downs are normal.

That’s it. The extent to which you grasp that it’s normal for thought (energy) to ebb and flow—and that it’s normal for your mood to trend with it—will determine how consistently you live up to your God-given potential.

Why?

Because excellence is easy when moods trend up. But when moods trend down, those who don’t understand are inclined to cope (blame, control, fix). And you cannot cope and contribute to the greater good at the same time.

Keep in mind: The human experience will always be one of inner ups and downs. But your potential to excel never diminishes. Want consistency in your life? Understanding always trumps coping. Besides, coping takes too much time anyway. You’ve got better things to do. The world’s in need.

Sticking With Truth

Here’s a quote that hangs on the locker room wall of a team I visited last week:

“Your thinking creates your reality. So to avoid negativity, think positive thoughts.”

Regrettably, these words reveal a common flaw—caused by a common misunderstanding—in the coaching profession (in counseling, teaching, and parenting, too). First, I’m going to talk about the flaw, then the misunderstanding.

The flaw: Truth followed by the suggestion of how to apply truth.

No doubt, using the quote above as an example, it’s true that your thinking creates your reality. Yet the advice could have ended right there. It’s a universal principle that we work inside to out (thought creates reality). It’s a personal opinion to “think positive thoughts to avoid negativity.” And someone else’s personal opinion cannot be helpful to you.

The misunderstanding: It’s abnormal and problematic to feel negative.

Human beings are always experiencing the ebb and flow of consciousness. One minute, we feel connected and positive. The next, we feel disconnected and negative Trouble is, coaches who don’t realize that this ebb and flow is normal will often make statements like the quote above. They connect with consciousness and say and do super helpful things (the first sentence of the quote). But as their personal thinking and negativity ramp up, the need to fix their own feelings by drumming up behavioral action steps becomes overwhelming. So much so that they even offer these action steps to other people (the second sentence of the quote).

Remember: Pointing toward what’s true, as in universally or for everyone, is the essence of great coaching. Offering action steps is the opposite. Simply understand that the ebb and flow of the human experience is normal, and you’ll be less inclined to shroud truthful messages with personal opinion. Plus, when negative feelings do strike, and they will, you’ll be more inclined to keep it simple, stick with truth, and leave the action steps up to yourself—and others.

Live Webinar Today (December 15th) at 11:00pt, 2:00et, 7:00gmt

Friends,

I’m writing to remind you about today’s live webinar—where, together, we’ll dive deep into the inside-out understanding. It’s being hosted by 3P Supermind and my friend Brett Chitty. The cost of attending is 5 pounds (about 6 bucks) and all proceeds go to 3P Supermind, so they may continue to bring us these informative events.

Here’s the link to sign up: http://threeprinciplessupermind.com/resources/garret-kramer.355/. I look forward to seeing you guys soon and answering any questions, live, that you might have.

Garret

Live Webinar Tomorrow (December 14th) at 11:00pt, 2:00et, 7:00gmt

Friends,

I realize that it’s not often you hear from me on back-to-back days, but I’m writing to tell you about (or for some, remind you about) tomorrow’s live webinar—where, together, we’ll dive deep into the inside-out understanding. It’s being hosted by 3P Supermind and my friend Brett Chitty. The cost of attending is 5 pounds (about 6 bucks) and all proceeds go to 3P Supermind, so they may continue to bring us these informative events.

Here’s the link to sign up: http://threeprinciplessupermind.com/resources/garret-kramer.355/. I look forward to seeing you guys tomorrow and answering any questions, live, that you might have.

Garret

Your True Power

Here’s an out-of-the-ordinary interchange that occurred between Liz, my wife, and me. My conclusion might surprise you. Yet it’s worthy of your reflection—and mine, too.

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Last Monday evening, Liz accompanied me to a presentation that I was giving outside of London. It was a fabulous time. Moods were high, and the dialogue between me and the audience was fluent. Later, when we returned to the quiet of our hotel room, Liz held my hand and said, “You know, it’s crazy: I really heard something new tonight. I had a moving revelation as you spoke.”

I replied, “Babe, that’s so awesome.”

To which, Liz instantly let go of my hand and shot back: “Awesome? Don’t you want to know what I heard?”

“Not really. If we talk about it, or examine it, we’ll turn your revelation into a thing (a form, a method). Better to leave it be for now.”

“Well, I want to tell you!”

“If you tell me, it won’t be new anymore. You can’t recycle a revelation; you can only live it.”

“Oh my goodness. I just heard something new again.”

“There you go, sweetheart. And, by the way, I’m hungry. Do you know where the room service menu is?”

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Keep in mind: It’s not what you hear. It’s not what you see. It’s not what you think. It’s that you are gifted with these powers. As a spouse, parent, teacher, coach, employer, or friend, it’s far more affective to point others in the direction of these intrinsic powers—rather to the content of what these powers produce.

Content is personal. Our intrinsic powers are universal. And, as I reminded the audience that night, only the universal—what’s true across the board for everyone—has the power to change the world for the better.

Why It’s Unproductive to Try to Make Productive Choices

Here’s a brief, but important, video about the choices we make and how we make them. Hope you find it helpful.

Garret

Why Our Thinking and Feelings Ebb and Flow

Since last week’s article, quite a few readers have reached out and asked about this paragraph:

Within all of us, thought builds up, falls away, builds up, falls away, and so on. When it builds up, we feel bad—e.g., apprehensive and unworthy. When it falls away, we feel good. And, again, these feelings occur independent of circumstance or environment.

Many of you simply want to know why thought builds up and falls away; plus, if it’s got nothing to do with circumstance or environment, why do our feelings trend up, down, and back once more?

Here’s my answer—or best attempt to put words to a spiritual truth (so please read carefully):

Human beings are blessed with the ability to think. We’re the only inhabitants of the planet that possess the power to process thought—i.e., we own an intellect or personal thought system. And while the intellect is really good at solving math problems and the like, it also tends to do this: Form an illusionary causal link between our feelings (inside) and the physical world (outside)—which requires a ton of personal thought, obstructs the connection to God, and causes us to feel bad or lost. It’s not until we stop looking outside for answers, or look within, that thought falls away and the connection to God is cleared (good feelings return).

From birth, everyone starts succumbing to the outside-in illusion and waking up again. Spiritual in nature, we’re thrust into a physical world. We look outside. We look inside. Thought builds and thought falls away. Feelings trend up and feelings trend down.

The short answer to why our thinking and feelings ebb and flow: The dance between the spiritual and the physical is the human experience—and, gratefully, you and I are human beings.