Garret Kramer's Blog, page 10

The “Dizzying” Effect of Understanding

One morning, not long ago, I awoke, sat up in bed as I normally do, and out of nowhere the room started to spin. I laid back down, sat up once more, and it got worse. Not since the hard hits of my hockey career had I felt this way. Actually, it was twice as bad. I was scared and confused, as I had no idea why this was happening.

Before I tell you what took place next, let’s go back to the week before when I visited my naturopathic doctor for a check-up. At that visit, he discovered that I had contracted a stomach parasite somewhere in my frequent travels. He then prescribed a remedy to kill it. Makes sense, right? Well, sure. But as I learned in a call placed to him after I finally got out of bed that morning, when you kill parasites, it’s common for “die-off” to circulate in your bloodstream. And guess what? That causes dizziness.

I asked the doctor, “Are you telling me that dizziness is a normal symptom of the remedy doing what it’s supposed to do?

He replied, “Yes.”

I asked, “Are you essentially telling me that this dizziness is a good thing?”

He replied, “Yes.”

I asked, “Are you going to tell me next that if I want the parasite gone, rather than fix the dizziness, I have to weather this dizziness storm?

He replied, “Yes.”

As a calm washed over me, I thought to myself, “I can do that.”

And that brings me to the core of this article’s message: Understanding how something works, or what’s truly happening within, is the one and only path toward peace of mind. When, at first, I didn’t understand the cause of my dizziness, insecurity reigned; I practically couldn’t get out of bed that morning. But the instant I understood why I felt that way, dizziness lost its grip. In fact, dizziness accompanied me, without incident, through the rest of a busy week.

Here, then, is the fundamental understanding, or principle, analogized above: Your feelings are connected to the ebb and flow of a divine energy called thought. This means that anxious, insecure, or even frustrated feelings are a normal, while sometimes dizzying, effect of being a thinker (or of being human). In other words, no fixing or coping is ever required. But, thankfully, plenty of living and giving—i.e., weathering—regardless of your state of mind, lies ahead.

Thanks for reading,

Garret

My Shortest, But Perhaps Most Important, Post Ever

Imagine your seven-year-old daughter comes to you with tears in her eyes:

“Daddy, Daddy, I’m in such a bad mood, and I don’t know what do to. It’s terrible.”

And rather than reply:

“Let’s see, sweetheart, what can we do about that? Hmm, I’ve got it. Ice cream cones always made me happy when I was your age—hop in the car, we’re going for ice cream!”

You reply:

“That’s okay, sweetheart, everyone has bad moods; they come and they go. In fact, they’re totally normal and there’s nothing you need to do about them.”

As I said, just imagine . . .

Garret

Stuck in Prejudice, Stuck in Misunderstanding

The other night, between periods of the hockey game I was watching, I changed the channel and stumbled upon the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Singer, songwriter, and peace activist, Joan Baez, had just been inducted and was addressing the audience. I’m paraphrasing, but she offered these solemn words, “It saddens me that the songs for justice, equality, peace, and oneness that I wrote and performed so many years ago are needed as much today as they were back then.”

How true. How unfortunate.

But why?

Why—despite courageous people giving up their lives for civil and equal rights; despite law changes to level the playing field; despite a plethora of art, film, and literature about the victims of discrimination; despite the current social media firestorm condemning the actions of bigots—why are we still stuck in a world of prejudice?

The answer, which so many innocent people are missing, is this: Prejudice is a symptom—a symptom of a simple and common misunderstanding; it is not a cause.

In fact, we can write songs condemning prejudice. We can protest against prejudice till we’re blue in the face. We can try to legislate prejudice into oblivion. We can preach over and over again about all the horrible things that result from prejudice. But until the misunderstanding that causes prejudice is uncovered and stripped away, as Baez lamented, we’ll keep spinning our wheels.

So what is this misunderstanding that’s kept us spinning our wheels seemingly forever?

It’s what I write and speak about each week: that the feelings of human beings are connected to, or are the result of, a person, situation, or environment. When the only thing that a person is capable of feeling is the ebb and flow of spiritual energy better known as thought.

This means that the only thing that can weigh a person down, make a person afraid, insecure, or judgmental (or even confident, carefree, or compassionate), is his or her thinking at that moment in time. Nothing from the physical world can do this, and until we wake up to this fact, the potential exists for us to feel normal waves of bad feelings, for us to look outside to the physical world for the causes of and cures for these feelings—and catch, in the crossfire, others who look or behave differently than us. Circumstances such as one’s past, where one grows up, or the culture in which one lives do not cause prejudice. What causes prejudice is one person attributing his or her bad feelings to something other than his or her own thinking—in this case to the appearance or lifestyle of another person.

What’s more, compounding this “outside-in” misunderstanding and thus fortifying prejudice, believe it or not, are most of the brave souls on the frontlines fighting prejudice. Like those who discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation, those fighting prejudice actually blame the normal waves of their own feelings on the prejudiced, essentially becoming “prejudiced against the prejudiced.” See what I mean about wheel spinning in a cycle of misunderstanding? Of course, prejudice is a cancer, it needs to end, and many of us deeply disdain its presence. Still, it’s a symptom of looking outside for explanations for one’s feelings. And everyone knows that treating symptoms doesn’t kill the root.

The answer to getting unstuck from prejudice, then, will only be found through an understanding of where one’s feelings are truly coming from. To those who grasp that bad feelings come and bad feelings go—independent of the appearance, behavior, lifestyle, or even prejudices of someone else—the notion of lashing out at someone else, in order to feel better themselves, is completely out of the question.

Last of all, I get it. Some will say, “C’mon Garret, it’s not this simple, you haven’t walked in my shoes.” Sorry it is and sorry I have. We’re all one and the same. There’s nothing personal about prejudice. That’s why understanding the connection between thought and feelings, and that a connection between someone else and feelings doesn’t really exist, is the only thing that will allow us to rise above the wheel spinning, set the example, and right this drastic wrong. You can’t end prejudice, a symptom, by fighting it, taking it personal, or by suggesting that you’re above it. You end it by understanding its common cause—the outside-in illusion that every person in the history of mankind has succumbed to.

From that place of oneness, I might add, promoting love becomes effortless.

Thank you for reading,

Garret

—

P.S. The response to last week’s announcement about Team Inside-Out (https://teamio.org/) has ben wonderful. Thank you. Because many of you have had questions, next Wednesday, May 24th at 2:30 eastern, I’m offering a free webinar during which I’m going to provide further explanation about the program and answer additional questions. For newcomers, we’re going to dig into the Inside-Out paradigm a bit, too.

Here’s the link, https://zoom.us/meeting/register/f9df637f887407e94ac87b605f06faf5, to the webinar. After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining. Thanks again, G.

 

 

A New Venture

Dear Friends,

I’m enthused to tell you about a new undertaking; a departure from my normal course of business. In 2018, I’m going to offer and conduct my first-ever, year-long program for coaches: Team Inside-Out.

To be clear, Team IO is not a certification program. There will be no diploma or graduation upon completion. This program is only for those truly committed to the profession, and purpose, of coaching.

Whether you’re an athletic coach, acting coach, music coach, mental-conditioning coach, psychologist, or life coach, this program may be right for you. In this program, we’re going to dive deep into the inside-out paradigm that has shaped my own coaching business, and my relationships with some of the world’s finest athletes, teams, and organizations for over twenty years.

What’s more, the cost of this year-long program (actually, as you’ll see below, it extends well over a year) is the exact same as a two-day, one-on-one workshop with me.

Program details:

Bi-monthly group video conferences. I’ll be teaching, and as a group we’ll all be sharing insights and reflections, every other week for one full year. Each conference will be recorded and archived for future access.
Two in-person one-day workshops (with time allocated for individual meetings with me): London and the New York City area.
Personal access to me in 2018, and follow-up access to me for all participants through 2019.
The possibility of working with me, or being referred to my clients without me, upon completion of program.
Cost of program: $9,600.00 USD (with a three-installment option).

I’m fully committed to helping those in the program not only realize the importance and power of understanding the inside-out paradigm for themselves, but also sharing my experiences in bringing this paradigm to the field of sports—which changed the face of mental performance in sports forever.

My hope is that participants, starting in their own sphere of influence, will continue to change the world’s current approach to coaching from an outside-in model to an inside-out one.

This program will kick off on January 4th, 2018. We’ve already begun fielding inquiries and conducting intake with those who have expressed interest. If Team IO interests you, please get in touch via the link below or by replying to this email. You’ll hear back from me or a member of Team IO shortly thereafter.

Here’s the link to the Team Inside-Out website: https://teamio.org/. We look forward to hearing from you. And to January of 2018!

Garret

Trying to Separate Yourself from Negative People? Read This

I’m sure you’ve heard a version of this familiar mantra or strategy:

“To soar with the eagles, don’t hang out with the turkeys.”

Well, for your benefit and the benefit of others, in this post, I’m going to ask you to seriously reconsider following it.

Here’s why: Deliberately separating yourself from another person because he or she is a “turkey,” or because of something the other person has said or done, will always produce diminishing returns. You work inside to out, and that means that another person’s behavior has no power to cause a feeling or change of heart within you (much less cause you to separate yourself from that person). Plus, if you’re judging someone else, it’s you who isn’t seeing clearly. And acting from that feeling state, as I said, is sure to produce diminishing returns.

Have you ever actually tried this commonly suggested success strategy? I mean, have you ever sought to remove “toxic” people from your life? When I was in my late twenties, I did. I had one particular friend who, in my mind, constantly disappointed me. My family would say, “You need to move on from this dude; his negativity is weighing you down.” So, I’d try not to see or talk to him for a while, which usually lasted about two days—tops. But then one day out of the blue, and based on nothing my friend had recently done, it no longer made sense to hang out with him. I had experienced a change of heart (inside), which organically led to a change in our relationship (outside). What’s also interesting is that several years later, I heard through the grapevine that my old friend was struggling. I reached out to him, we met for a round of golf, and we’ve been close ever since. Thankfully, I knew that our separation wasn’t about him at all (no one is toxic); it sprung from a realization within me. Thus, it never made sense to strategically cut the cord.

The bottom line is that while it’s fine to disagree with the behavior of someone else, or even your own behavior in hindsight, it’s impossible to separate what can’t be separated. Sometimes, you get negative and you can’t separate you from you. Sometimes, your friends and family get negative and you can’t separate you from them. Sometimes, the leaders of your country get negative—same deal. Everyone, including you, is doing the best they can to the degree they understand where their feelings are coming from (the inside, not the outside) at that moment in time. We’re all “turkeys” on occasion because we’re all one and the same. And, I guarantee, physically isolating yourself from others won’t change this spiritual truth of oneness—even a little bit.

We’re all in this game of life together, as one, no matter what.

Garret

Knowing and Seeing

At the outset of one of my workshops, it’s not uncommon for me to kick things off by going around the room and asking each participant this question:

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how deeply do you know that circumstances can’t cause feelings?”

Answers always vary. But, invariably, someone in the group will turn the question back my way. I’m typically asked: “What about you, Garret? What’s your number?”

My answer: “10.”

To which the group will often try to call me out: “C’mon G, you mean to tell us that it never looks to you that your circumstances cause your feelings?”

My standard reply: “I didn’t ask you guys where it LOOKS like feelings are coming from. I asked you if you KNOW where feelings are coming from. Big difference.”

And an essential distinction.

Indeed, it will almost always appear to us that what we feel is connected to, or caused by, what’s happening in the world around us. However, it never is. And this precise inner knowledge is what prevents a person from falling for the outside-in illusion that will forever be part of the human condition.

In other words, it’s impossible for us to stop being human—we have feelings, sense a physical world, and, thus in our minds, will usually connect the two. But this connection can’t lead us astray unless we label it as real. That’s why, my role as an advisor, teacher, or coach is never to prevent the unpreventable: stop others from looking outside for answers. It’s to remind them of where their feelings are actually coming from—from thought or spiritual energy, and not the outside—when they do.

What’s awesome about the game of life, in fact, is feeling high or low as circumstances unfold, or even when we look to the past or the future. Just keep in mind: Yes, the outside-in illusion is totally normal, and it’s either exhilarating or a massive pain in the neck, but that doesn’t ever—and I mean line-in-the-sand type of ever—make it true.

Garret

Searching For Gratitude

How many times in your life have you been asked this question?

“What are you grateful for?”

I bet the answer is plenty. And, be honest, during those moments, how often have you struggled to answer (you had to think and think about it) and how often has the answer flowed right out (you offered a list of people, places, and things without effort)?

If you’re anything like me, it’s an inconsistent split.

But why? Why would a sense of gratitude vary? And is it even okay for it to vary?

Well, first, it’s not only okay for gratitude to vary; it’s the way you and I are designed to work. In spite of today’s constant self-help advice about the importance of being more grateful, or the lessons about how to find gratitude that seem to fill my inbox each day, it’s simply impossible for human beings to conjure up gratitude at will. Gratitude, like all feelings, comes and goes as we live the human experience: When we look outside, thought jams and gratitude slips away; when we look inside, thought clears and gratitude returns. It’s human nature, or equal parts of the same nature, to flow between the physical (outside) and the spiritual (inside). And this flow intuitively determines whether or not we feel grateful.

In other words, feelings like gratitude aren’t connected to people, places, and things at all. They’re connected to thought. And, paradoxically, the more we strategically target “gratitude-causing” things, the more jammed up we get and the less grateful we feel. That’s why, to me, it makes no sense to ask others: “What are you grateful for?” And even less sense to search, and search, for the answers.

Keep in mind: There’s virtually nothing you can do that’s more unproductive, time consuming, or even dangerous than searching for external causes and cures for your feelings. They do not exist; thus searching takes you further away from the answers, and desirable feelings, that all people seek. For sure, gratitude is wonderful. But it’s not caused by circumstance. Human beings live in, and can only feel, the flow of their thinking. Gratitude comes and gratitude goes—and that’s okay—because you are a human being.

Garret

Being You

As my clients will attest, it’s not unusual for me to close a conversation or text-message exchange with this basic statement:

“Be you.”

But how come? What does this statement, as I use it, actually mean? And why is “being you” so important?

To put it simply, “be you” is my way of reminding others that—as a birthright—they are whole, resilient, and connected, regardless of how they feel at any moment in time. And that’s important because waking up to this fact stops them from attempting the impossible: trying to fix or control wayward feelings when they occur.

Here’s an example, by way of a question: Would professional golfers who grasp that all feeling states are normal (which they are), and have no impact on their propensity to excel (which they don’t), take the time to jam their heads with mental strategies, techniques, or someone else’s idea of how to behave on the golf course? Of course not. They’d never fall victim to the mind’s variable nature. To these players, managing or even monitoring their mindset’s an impractical path.

In a sense, then, being you is the opposite of searching for or seeking self-improvement. It’s a deep knowing that answers only rest within, and, positive or negative, there’s a greater plan at work. Being you fortifies intuition and triggers insight. It insulates you from the spell of gurus and tosses conformity (becoming a follower, automaton, or lackey) straight to the curb.

Besides, and perhaps most important, the man upstairs doesn’t care about perfection anyway. Just be you. As I said, you are whole, resilient, connected—and loved—as is. Forever.

Thanks for reading.

Garret

True Flow

Flow is defined as “the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.” Commonly described as “the zone,” flow, as defined, is a blissful feeling that athletes, performers, and all people seem to seek. Indeed, it’s not unusual for new clients to reach out to me with the specific goal of living in this high mental state more often.

And there lies the misunderstanding that, in my mind, needs to be reversed. Flat-lining at some peak state is not flow (it’s also not possible). Flow is, well, flow. The yin then yang of what it means to be alive. That’s why my work is never about helping players reach a next level or an elevated type of mindset. It’s about reminding them that all mindsets are normal and, no matter how they feel in the moment, they’re eminently strong and capable. In short, flow means to move left/right, up/down, and fast/slow; because that’s precisely how the human mind is designed to function.

Speaking of misunderstandings regarding flow, here’s another: the notion that a high state of mind, or clarity of mind, is our natural state. No siree. Human beings are always meandering between the spiritual and the physical, between clarity and clutter. Again, flow is the human experience. The spiritual and physical, like morning and night, are not dualistic in nature. They’re two parts of the same system, or one.

Remember: Excellence, consistency, and love emerge from those who, rather than pull the brake on the flow of the human experience (try to control or cope), purely relish the ride. Flow is the standard. It’s not some lofty state to get into or attain. As I often say to those with whom I work: There’s nothing to fix; you’re already there. Simply be yourself, stay in the game, and live. Or better yet—flow.

Here’s the Truth: For the Field of Psychology, the Time Has Come

When it comes to my professional or working life, one of the most frequent criticisms thrown my way (and many of my colleagues, from Sydney Banks to Dr. Keith Blevens, have detailed a similar experience) revolves around my use of the word Truth. For instance, you’ve often heard me say, “It’s an unequivocal truth that human beings work from inside to out.” To which a traditional psychologist or mental coach will sometimes respond, “Don’t listen to this guy (as in me) or anyone who says that they’ve found truth. No one can find truth.”

Well, that’s correct. But here’s the thing: I didn’t go searching for truth, and that means I couldn’t actually find it. I had no formal training in the field of psychology, and in my younger life, spirituality was something I often pushed aside. It’s just that many years ago, I was simply minding my own business when, boom, truth found me. And yes, it’s true that a circumstance—an event, environment, object, life situation, another person, oneself, the past, or the future—cannot cause a human being to feel a certain way. Our feelings are solely connected to the inner ebb and flow of a spiritual energy that we call thought.

What’s more, I didn’t, of course, make up this truth. Sure, I (like you) can conjure up ideas, concepts, theories, and methods. But I can’t conjure up truth. Truth just is. As with any principle or law, truth is foolproof. No research required. It’s the way something works, 100 percent of the time. And when you wake up to how something works 100 percent of the time, you intuitively yearn to share it; to help others see it for themselves. So, when it comes to the human mind and how the experience of all human beings is created, this is where my colleagues and I find ourselves today: Truth has hit us square between the eyes, and we’re going to share it.

Interestingly enough, in spite of his best efforts, the man considered the father of modern psychology, William James (one of my heroes), failed to uncover this truth himself. He never quite saw that human beings can only feel or experience the ebb and flow of their thinking (inside), and that circumstances (outside) are purely neutral. But he did know this: A universal explanation for the inner functioning of all human beings was hidden somewhere, and when this missing link was finally uncovered, the field of psychology would be altered forever. James once claimed, “Such knowledge, realized on a grand scale, would be an achievement compared with which the control of the rest of physical nature would be relatively insignificant.” He even likened the importance of this future breakthrough to the discovery of fire.

And that brings us to the heart of this article’s message: The field of psychology is now at a decisive crossroads. Year after year, the rate of depression is escalating around the world and finally psychology has the opportunity to take a 180-degree turn and become the working science that James envisioned. However, to do so, the field must cast aside the mistruth from which its current conclusions and practices are drawn—that human beings have the ability to work from outside to in. Again, no matter how much it looks otherwise, human beings work from inside to out (feelings, then experience, come from thought), and there are no exceptions. When we overlook this psychological fact, we struggle. When we wake up to it, we thrive. At this moment in the history of psychology, there’s no longer a credible reason for a mental health professional to send a struggling person on a perpetual wild-goose chase for circumstantial causes and behavioral cures that, in truth, do not and cannot exist.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that a person can’t take credit for something that he or she didn’t try to do or see. That’s why my colleagues and I take zero percent credit for the dumb luck that had this psychological truth fall into our laps. But it still did. And it’s here to stay. I also understand that if you’re a mental health professional, the direction we’re pointing renders much of your training obsolete. Just as it rendered much of what I was brought up to believe obsolete. But that’s just the way it is, for both of us. Therefore, rather than damn the messenger, why not consider what William James insightfully predicted for the future of this field? This breakthrough sets us free from everything. It clears up confusion and activates resilience. It’s more important than fire. The black-and-white fact that a circumstance can’t cause a feeling will change our lives, the lives of our children, and the lives of the clients and public that we serve.

We can now, with certainty, explain the psychological functioning of all human beings. Understanding the thought-feeling link is the source of all transformation. The truth fell out of the sky. William James would be overjoyed. The time has come.