Sticking With Truth

Here’s a quote that hangs on the locker room wall of a team I visited last week:

“Your thinking creates your reality. So to avoid negativity, think positive thoughts.”

Regrettably, these words reveal a common flaw—caused by a common misunderstanding—in the coaching profession (in counseling, teaching, and parenting, too). First, I’m going to talk about the flaw, then the misunderstanding.

The flaw: Truth followed by the suggestion of how to apply truth.

No doubt, using the quote above as an example, it’s true that your thinking creates your reality. Yet the advice could have ended right there. It’s a universal principle that we work inside to out (thought creates reality). It’s a personal opinion to “think positive thoughts to avoid negativity.” And someone else’s personal opinion cannot be helpful to you.

The misunderstanding: It’s abnormal and problematic to feel negative.

Human beings are always experiencing the ebb and flow of consciousness. One minute, we feel connected and positive. The next, we feel disconnected and negative Trouble is, coaches who don’t realize that this ebb and flow is normal will often make statements like the quote above. They connect with consciousness and say and do super helpful things (the first sentence of the quote). But as their personal thinking and negativity ramp up, the need to fix their own feelings by drumming up behavioral action steps becomes overwhelming. So much so that they even offer these action steps to other people (the second sentence of the quote).

Remember: Pointing toward what’s true, as in universally or for everyone, is the essence of great coaching. Offering action steps is the opposite. Simply understand that the ebb and flow of the human experience is normal, and you’ll be less inclined to shroud truthful messages with personal opinion. Plus, when negative feelings do strike, and they will, you’ll be more inclined to keep it simple, stick with truth, and leave the action steps up to yourself—and others.