Benjamin Wallace's Blog, page 24

Work In Progress: Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies – UnEditing

In these Work In Progress updates I’m going to try and share what it’s like when I write and launch a new book. I’ll try to leave out all the boring bits where it’s just me typing.

I can’t really call my second draft editing. Like I said before, my first drafts are pretty streamlined so my second drafts are less culling words and more crafting sentences.

When I write my second draft, I open a second Pages document and copy a sentence over at a time. I don’t move on until I’m happy with that sentence. Sometimes the sentence gets shorter, but often not. Here’s an example.

For example: The story begins at a bowling alley. The three husbands have been forced to hang out and “get along” for the benefit of the neighborhood. If you’ve read Dumb White Husband for President, you’ll know why.

I’ve been to a few bowling alleys for kids’ parties lately and I’m amazed at how much they’ve changed from the 80′s. In the first draft, I wrote this:

Aside from the bowling lanes, it hardly seemed like a bowling alley. The majority of the Meadows Park Family Fun and Bowling Center was devoted to an arcade, laser tag arena and some kind of ropes course. The restaurant didn’t sell pretzels from a heat lamp and the nicotine stained plastic benches and orange laminate tables were leather couches and wooden coffee tables.

It’s bad and clunky—just like all of my first drafts. But it served to establish the setting and as notes for all the things I wanted to comment on.

Here’s what it looks like in the second draft:

   It had been years since they had been bowling, but it was not lost on any of the three men that, even in the establishment’s logo, bowling was distinctly separated from the word fun.

  The Meadows Park Family Fun & Bowling Center had gone to great lengths to look nothing like any bowling alley that they could remembered. The interior designer had selected plush leather couches and rich wooden tables instead of the nicotine stained plastic furniture that used to line the lanes of America.

  Instead of flat beige walls marred with beer stains from flung bottles, the center was painted with dark and inviting shades of blue and red.

   The concession stand was actually Finnegan’s, a mock Irish pub that offered more fare than heat lamp pretzels and microwaved cheese cups. It contained a dinning area that encompassed the billiard room where regulation sized tables filled a sunken area. None of which appeared to take quarters.

  Beyond Finnegan’s the screams of hyperactive children were swallowed by the gunfire, guitar riffs, and dance commands of an expansive arcade. Each ran on a “fun zone” card that you loaded with cash. This cash became credits that the kids could turn into points to redeem for tickets that could be exchanged for crap that the arcade kept in glass cases to give it the appearance of being really special crap. A piece of gum was five tickets. This equated to roughly four dollars by the time it had gone through the “Fun Zone” cash/credit/points/tickets/crap conversion.

  Menacing aliens stood guard to the doors of the Laser Tag arena. These ten foot monstrosities took their inspiration from Geiger’s nightmares but each wielded a bright orange rifle designed by a committee at the Department of Safety and Ruining Fun. They probably shot bubbles.

  A ropes course was strung above everything. For five bucks a minute kids could be tethered to a safety line and move from platform to platform via strung together bridges. One had to admit that from a kids point of it could look fun, but for one of the men it brought back a tragic trust fall memory from an off-site work event.

  There were also bowling lanes.

See? It’s hardly editing.

I also mentioned how lazy I was when it came to describing a character’s actions. I take the easy way out on the first run through but leave myself a note in all caps:

Chris WAS QUIET “I hope Rachel and the kids are okay.”

On the second run, I replace the caps with descriptive action instead of just the words.

Chris lowered himself to the couch. He looked as if he was going to throw up. “I hope Rachel and the kids are okay.”

And this continues on until it’s done. Then it goes off to the proofreader. That’s the stage I’m at now. I just received the story back and will begin the last round of edits.

Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies: Monday should be available the second Monday in June. Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies: Tuesday will follow two weeks later.

 

I’ll be giving away the first episode of Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies to anyone who subscribes to my mailing list. Sign up here today to be one of the first to read it.

 

 

 

 

 

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Work In Progress: Dumb White Husband vs Zombies – Rough Draft

In these Work In Progress updates I’m going to try and share what it’s like when I write and launch a new book. I’ll try to leave out all the boring bits where it’s just me typing.

I need momentum. I’ve tried writing books several different ways but the only way that works for me is to get the story out as fast as I can. So, my first drafts are a total mess.

For this first installment I had to get the guys from the bowling alley, where they’ve been forced to “be nice” to one another by the HOA, to one of their homes in order to reveal the zombie threat. Well, make them aware of it. They’re dumb after all. That will take some doing.

Like I said before, I broke each of these stories into roughly 6 parts each so I already have good head of steam going into the first draft. I know what I want the situations to be. I know what the set up is so the first draft allows me to fill in the action and really have fun bringing it to life with dialogue. I don’t waste time on spellcheck, worrying about repeating words or even words choice. The only thing I really stress over getting right is the dialogue.

The interaction between the husbands is a big part of what I find funny about these stories and, honestly, writing dialogue is my favorite part of the whole process.

Now, to keep momentum, I just started writing notes into the draft. Instead of stopping to figure out how to show that Chris is confused, I’ll just type CHRIS WAS CONFUSED and try and write it like a grown up in the second draft.

My goal is to get 15 pages of a rough draft a day. Details are light. It’s mostly action and dialogue. Because of this my editing process is less trimming and more developing. So, I guess it’s not really editing.

I’ll get into that more next time and include some examples from the story.

Again, this probably isn’t the right way to do it. But, it’s the way I do it.

Thanks for reading,

ben

I’ll be giving away the first episode of Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies to anyone who subscribes to my mailing list. Sign up here today to be one of the first to read it.

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Work In Progress: Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies – What is the Story

In these Work In Progress updates I’m going to try and share what it’s like when I write and launch a new book. I’ll try to leave out all the boring bits where it’s just me typing.

Last week I mentioned how the idea for Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies came about. But an idea doesn’t fill a book and it’s certainly not a story. Suburban guys, that hate each other, face off against zombies is a situation and nothing more. It needs more.

Now this is how I fill out a story, so there’s a really good chance that it isn’t the right way.

I have a hard time taking anything seriously so I tend to think in jokes. Jokes aren’t the story either, but they’re are an important part of writing a book that is trying to make people laugh.

So, like I said, this probably isn’t right, but the jokes, and the associated scenarios, become scenes that roughly lay out the flow of the story. They build the framework of the story. But they aren’t the story because the jokes can’t just be “see that? All zombie stories have? That’s funny that they all have that right?” That’s been covered and can all be summed up in a Top 10 blog post.

It needs to be more than that and that’s where the husbands come in. It’s also and where it begins to sound like I’m actually plotting a story. The husband’s principles, their beliefs and their desires drive the story, their actions move the plot forward and let me get to my jokes. Yay.

All husbands have families. So, what’s happened to them? The drive to find their loved ones is as important as surviving. Each husband will most likely have a different opinion on how to attain that goal. Okay, I can guarantee that these husbands will have different opinions on almost everything. So there’s the conflict my English teachers always talked about.

They all have a goal. There is conflict amongst the group and then there are the zombies. Suddenly it’s much richer story than zombie tropes are funny.

From there I outline. My outlines are simple. Each episode of this series will have roughly 6 chapters. I write down what needs to happen in each scene to move the story forward and what jokes I intend on telling. It serves as a checklist mostly.

Then I start writing the rough draft. That’s where I really start to have fun. I’ll talk about that next week.

Thanks for reading,

ben

I’ll be giving away the first episode of Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies to anyone who subscribes to my mailing list. Sign up here today to be one of the first to read it.

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Work In Progress: Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies-The Idea

In these work in progress updates I’m going to try and share what it’s like when I write and launch a new book. I’ll try to leave out all the boring bits where it’s just me typing.

Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies: The Idea

The Living Dead vs The Brain Dead

All stories start with an idea. Or a deadline. This one started with an idea.

The idea for Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies took shape as I was writing the short story Dumb White Husband vs The Grocery Store. After seeing how much trouble our hero had with a simple, everyday task I began to look ahead to what other challenges the world’s dumbest stereotype could tackle.

A host of husbandly and fatherly duties sprang to mind. These thoughts became the other 4 stories in the Dumb White Husband series. But I knew from the start that, after putting the three husbands up against Halloween, Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the HOA, they would be taking on legions of the damned.

What I didn’t see was how the DWH story would evolve over time. When I wrote the first one, I intended to only feature one husband throughout the series. But as things went on I added a couple of neighbors that each got their own story and interacted with one another. They ended up hating each other. Perfect.

Sure, it’s zombies and they’re a little everywhere right now, but I can’t resist seeing characters that can’t handle grocery shopping take on the tropes of living dead: defending their homes, cannibalism, people they know turned into walking corpses, travel in a zombie world and how the world around them reacts. It also gives me a chance to bring some action and adventure in to the Dumb White Husband series.

But then I had another idea. I wanted to the give the story an episodic feel. So I decided to break it into 5 parts. The DWH began with a short story so it seemed only natural that the zombie story should be told the same way. It will include four short stories that are going to be about 15000 words each and a longer work to finish it off.

All in all, it will probably be the longest book I’ll have written to date.

That meant a pretty extensive outline. Which I’ll get into next time.

Thanks for reading,

ben

I’ll be giving away the first episode of Dumb White Husbands vs Zombies to anyone who subscribes to my mailing list. Sign up here today to be one of the first to read it.

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A Weird Thing About Book Reviews

I read a bit of a review of Dan Brown’s new book the other day. It essentially said that it was highly entertaining but that it wouldn’t receive any literary awards.

Duh.

But it made me realize something that is uniquely stupid to book reviews. A book is rarely reviewed for what it is supposed to be. They are reviewed against all books. This is retarded.

You’ll never read an auto review about a mini-van that takes pains to explain how the child-hauler falls short in the quarter mile against a Ferrari.

You’ll never see a home appliance review of a clothes dryer that explains how it cooks toast like shit.

And, my guess is, that you’ll never read a review about a tennis racquet that makes a terrible canoe paddle.

But, when it comes to books, the reviews are approached in a manner that suggests every book is trying to outrace a Ferrari while making toast for a journey downriver.

Books are written for specific purposes. Not all are written with literary accolades in mind. I would think that most aren’t. If it’s a thriller, was it thrilling? If it’s a comedy, was it funny? You don’t have to point out to me that The Big Book of Fart Jokes has a lot of funny fart jokes but will never be considered for a Pulitzer because I have a pretty good idea already that the Pulitzer panel isn’t a big fan of fart jokes. I’ve gleaned that from, both, being alive and not being an idiot.

I don’t know why we’re so prize happy in this world. Heller said it best in Catch-22:

 Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.

Yet most reviewers assume that every book was written with an award in mind. And you now what they say when you assume things—it makes you look like a big, dumb idiot.

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If … with Bears

I’ve always loved Kipling’s poem If. It has such a great message for growing boys that I wanted to share it with my sons. But it’s a little lofty for kids that young. So, I added bears and that got their attention.

Here it is, Danger Bear in Rudyard Kipling’s If.

There’s 45 original illustrations full of awesome bears. Bears like this:

and this

one of these

one like this

And even a little of something like that

 

 

You can get all of it, with all of the words Kipling wrote, here:

 

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There’s only one answer

I’m not sure what’s going on. A year ago I was selling thousands of copies of my books each month. Now, I’m lucky if I sell 10 a day. I know that Amazon has changed some things. A lot of things. So that could be it. It could be the world playing with me. Now that I’m trying to make a go of things as an author, it would seem like fate’s sense of humor to shut down any success I was having. But, I don’t think it’s really any of those things.

It’s quite obvious what’s happening. The forces of evil are conspiring against me, obviously.

And when that happens there is only one natural response—be more awesome. It would be easy to curl up and fret. But fretting only gets you so far and it’s getting warmer here now so the fetal position gets uncomfortable quickly.

Now, stepping up the awesomeness may seem daunting. I thought, in fact, that I had peaked a couple of weeks ago when I impressed my bride of almost 13 years with my rollerblading skills. But, it can be done. I don’t like evil. I refuse to let it win.

I’ve got a couple of things coming up that are pretty awesome. Look for them soon.

 

 

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New Book Day!

Forgive me. I’m excited. My latest book launches today.

This is the second book in The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell and I still can’t get over how much fun I had writing this one.

Damian Stockwell is my ode to the pulp heroes of the 30′s. He’s been described by others as Doc Savage meets Frank Drebin, and the Tick without his costume. I’m honored at both of those descriptions. He’s an over-the-top all-American doer-of-good. Dammit.

Even though this is a sequel, it is a stand alone book. You don’t have to read Horrors in Honduras to enjoy this one. But, you should, because, c’mon.

Please check it out.

Nazis. Ninjas. No problem.

 

Join the world’s greatest adventurer on his greatest adventure in the world.

Raised from birth to be a force for justice, Damian Stockwell has forever

trained to combat the evils of the world. Blessed with the physique of a

demigod and one of the world’s foremost minds, he travels the globe on a

quest to confront evil and punch it in the face. At his disposal is a

vast fortune, an endless array of gadgets and loyal friends.

Now, on the eve of World War II, his old friend, Nikola Tesla, delivers

grave news. The plans to his greatest weapons have been stolen and the

forces of evil intend to use them against America. His patriotism

inflamed, Stockwell begins the hunt for the missing plans. If he’s to

save America, he’ll have to punch his way through Nazis, ninjas and the

mad science of the Master of Lighting himself.

It’s action and adventure of the highest order in The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell: Terrors of Tesla.

Get it here

Get it now

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Giveaway: The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell – Horror in Honduras

I’m giving away a signed copy of The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell – Horror in Honduras over at Goodreads. Join the world’s greatest adventurer as he travels to the jungles of Central America to save his friend, and the world, from the curse of the Mayan God Zipacna. Damian calls him Zippy. Zipacna is hard to say.

Please check it out.

 

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Goodreads Book Giveaway







Horror in Honduras



by Benjamin Wallace

Giveaway ends April 15, 2013.

See the giveaway details

at Goodreads.

Enter to win

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Amalgamated Thoughts & Concepts: Week … whatever

It’s beautiful. I’ve lost track of time.

Monday’s have lost their hold over me and if it wasn’t for the kids’ after school stuff I wouldn’t even have to care what day it was.

Projects I’ve wanted to get to for years are finally progressing:

The Bulletproof Adventures of Damian Stockwell will continue in 2 weeks with Terrors of Telsa.

My first kids’ book will follow shortly behind that. It’s my first illustrated book. I didn’t even write this one. I’m just doing the art. You’ll love it though, I’m working was an awesome poet.

When that is wrapped up it’s on to the next Dumb White Husband story. I’ve been planning this one for years. It will be an epic tale.

There’s a whole list of stuff after that.

I’m loving this.

If I was still at the office I’d be in a meeting right now.

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