Cate Ellink's Blog, page 35

Wildlife Wednesday - bluebottle

I'm not as fond of seeing these bluebottles on the beach as I am the horses, although I do like taking photos of these! :)

Bluebottles are also called Pacific Man o' War or Portuguese Man o' War (scientific name Physalia). You can find out more here at the Australian Museum site.

They travel on the oceans, floating on top and blown along by the wind in their clear 'sails'. The long tentacles capture food in the waters and are the part that stings unsuspecting people (and see how long those tentacles can be - and they sting when washed ashore too!).

Bluebottles aren't a single animal, but a community, or colony, of four individuals - the pneumatophore (sail), the tentacles, and the polyps that reproduce.

I have to leave the post here but the museum site has heaps more info if you want more. I have little visitors today who are begging to go to the beach - just hope there are no bluebottles today :)

Have a great week!

Phallic Friday - boundaries

I've been thinking about boundaries lately. It kind of follows on from last week's post.

In a BDSM relationship, boundaries are important. They're discussed, adhered to, and there's a safeword to ensure things stop. And although all that relies on trust, hopefully you've built that or established that, or are working in it safely.

In other relationships, there aren't really any 'rules' regarding boundaries. In general, they aren't discussed. People assume others are the same as them, when sometimes this may not be true.

Personal space is one boundary that is often different among people. It's never discussed. No one's ever asked me how much personal space I need. And it's something that does fluctuate - I accept less space on a crowded train than in an empty park.

If someone encroaches on my personal space, I tend to distrust them. Makes no difference at all that they may not even know they're doing it, my distrust is instantaneous. And if I move back and they follow, then I move from distrust to dislike. And if they crowd in even further, then whoa, I'm out of there, if not physically then at least mentally.

A relationship is kind of like the personal space thing, in my mind. I have boundaries, which usually aren't discussed, but I expect them to be understood and adhered to, or negotiated if they don't suit. But people can take advantage of others and push their boundaries - sometimes, unnecessarily, or for their own gain.

One example is with a new relationship. If someone wants a relationship with you, and you aren't feeling the same, you're entitled to say "No, thanks." You've set the boundary for you. They can push, but each time they do, I'd be trusting them less.

Respecting a boundary is all about courtesy and trust. Sure, you can be forced outside your boundary, and some people like to be pushed outside their comfort zone, but others don't. It's personal. Boundaries are personal. I feel they need to be respected, in all relationships.

I don't know how we learn about boundaries. I think it's something we learn as a child and extend it throughout our life. As a kid, if we overstep our parents' boundaries, we're usually pulled into line. If we overstep another adult's boundary, the same. As we tussle in the playground, we're learning to respect others' boundaries. Maybe people stop learning this, or think they're beyond it, or think they're more important than another, so their boundaries don't matter.

I'm realising how important boundaries are, yet how much we don't even think about them.

Do you have any thoughts on boundaries?

Wildlife Wednesday - horses on beach

I know it's crazy, but I have an incredible fondness for seeing horses on my beach. Seeing them doesn't happen all that often, although I often see the hoofprints and curse that I've missed them again! I think for me, it's the ultimate freedom to be galloping along the shore, wind in your face, you and your horse loving every stride.

I've never seen that though I dream of it!

I've never ridden on the beach either. When I had horses I lived inland and there was no beach to ride on. I rode in paddocks or along the road, and occasionally at pony club grounds or showgrounds.

Most of the people who ride horses on my beach walk, sometimes they might trot. It's not because it's crowded - my beach is pretty deserted at the best of times. It may be that the people I've seen riding are either kids or older women and maybe they don't want to go flying along like I dream.

One day I saw a kid riding her pony bareback and they were trotting along both laughing with their lips peeled back (okay, so I'm anthropomorphising, but I swear that pony was laughing). It was a glorious sight.

When I was learning to ride (at 23 years ancient, which was embarrassing at times!) I rode a pony who loved water. I was riding with a lady and her daughter (who was maybe 12 and so much better than me!) and it was hot, so she said we'd walk through the dam in their paddock. Sounded like fun to me, I tagged along. Halfway through my horse starts pawing at the water with her front hoof, I'm laughing because she's splashing me and it looks like she's having a ball. Then I look at the owner's face, she's terrified and is yelling, "Kick her, kick her," at me. I wasn't much good at being strong and assertive at this stage, but the terror on this woman's face did something to me and I booted that horse in time to her yelling. Shiralee eventually stopped her pawing and reluctantly made her way out of the dam with me clinging on tight, because this pony wasn't happy now and I knew how to tell that!!

When we were unsaddling, I asked what had happened. The poor owner had temporarily forgotten that I was a beginner and that I was on a horse who was cheeky and loved to roll in the dam. So, if I hadn't have booted the horse out of the water, I probably would have been squashed by a rolling horse as she enjoyed the dam. No wonder there was terror!

Maybe I would have jumped free...but you know, I was so hopelessly unsure of anything to do with riding that I probably wouldn't have known how to get free without being tangled in reins, stirrups, water and horse.

And still, to have a horse galloping along the beach spells freedom. In reality, I'm probably more likely to land ungraciously in the sand and lose my horse to a rip, or be dumped while the horse swims and end up dragged out in a rip myself! Maybe I'll stick to dreaming.

Do you have any crazy dreams about freedom?

Release Day

Release day happened - twice!

Both of my short stories hit the deck at once. Amazing coincidence, huh? Not what I was expecting at all!

So Lucky is out; and so are the cuckold fantasies.

Phallic Friday - sexism

As we start the 2016 Phallic Friday posts, I'm wondering if I should update my phallic symbol...what do you think, does the phallic rock from the Pinnacles in WA have more pizzazz than the local phallic bluebottle I've been using?



Today I thought I'd express my mixed feelings about an incident that occurred in the Cricket Big Bash this week. It's been splashed about in the media a fair bit and I have really mixed feelings about the incident. If you need to check it out, you can see the incident here.

I was watching when it occurred and my first thought was "Gayle's a creep" and then my second was, "wow, not the way to handle that, Mel."

I worked in a male dominated industry for most of my life and I grew up when women weren't given a lot of respect, so I am a little toughened to the way women are treated. So my initial reaction was that Gayle's sleaziness was inappropriate. But this behaviour happens and I think if Mel had have cut him off with a firm but polite refusal, nothing more may have been said. As it was, she reacted visibly and he kept going because he took it as flirting, or that he was 'winning' (getting a reaction from her, making her affected by him).

What he did wasn't right - it's their profession and therefore their workplace, so it should remain non-sexist and non-discriminatory - but until this stops happening, I think women need to stand up for themselves, especially if they're in male dominated industries.

Women should not be walked over, or ignore the smut, or accept it. I mean, a polite but tough put down. Something like, "I don't think that's appropriate" or even, "I hardly think this is the place for those comments". It addresses the issue head-on and stops it being blown out of proportion like this has been.

Yes, sexual innuendo and banter can be harmless fun if the two people know that that is what it is. For a woman who doesn't know that, it can be downright uncomfortable and creepy. It can make you concerned for your safety and your integrity.

When a sleazy comment is left without being addressed immediately, it undermines a woman. I felt Mel lost the chance last night to assert herself. It was left to others to apologise and defend her. It made her look weak, which I'm guessing isn't what she would want. But maybe there's more to this story...maybe he's a serial offender and she was making sure everyone knew that.

Whatever the case, it concerns me and makes me all muddled up.

How do you feel about this issue? (I know Rhyll won't care because it's cricket!)

Wildlife Wednesday - flies

It's summer in Australia and as well as heat, storms, cricket and the beach, there are flies. On the coast there are few compared with inland, but they're still there - sticking to you, lapping at your sweat, threatening to walk into your nostril or mouth, even trying to dart into your mouth while you talk or breathe! Don't swallow one because they hurt your throat and make you gag!

When I was at uni, we collected flies in a fly trap and had to identify them. Yep, you guessed it, I was useless at identifying them...but I did learn that there were different types of flies and I don't think I'd ever paid enough attention to that before then.

So the other day, I drove down to the beach and this green eyed fly came home with me - hopped into the ute and stuck around for the lift. His eyes were incredible and so I spent a bit of time trying to get a good photo because I don't think I've seen a fly with eyes so bright - not for a long time.

Okay, so I looked it up and it says it's a march fly (also called horse fly or green head)...and we do have them here because they like biting me and I'm usually swinging around like a madwoman trying to swat them while jumping from the pain of that sharp stinging bite, but I've never seen one with such brilliant eyes. Lucky he didn't bite me when I gave him a lift! Oh, check this - the males don't bite - As with most biting flies, it is only the female march flies that bite as they need blood to produce the next generation. They use their strong, piercing mouthparts like a needle to extract blood from their mammal hosts. The males have larger metallic green eyes and feed on nectar. Taken from the Australian Museum website http://australianmuseum.net.au/march-flies  Maybe I've always attracted the females for my tasty blood. (Don't handle the larvae, because they can bite too).

The blow fly (up the top) is the fly I most usually see, especially in summer. On a hot day they can get quite sluggish. We also have the little black flies, and the common house flies, but these two were big enough, and nice enough, to pose for a photo.

I hope you don't have too many flies where you are (and if so, I hope they don't bite!).

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I'm really looking forward to 2016.

Today I've been reflecting on the past year and I realised that I feel okay in this writing gig now. I'm starting to get a bit more confidence and feel less like a pretender.

In the new year, I split my writing between two genres and I'm excited about that. I've spent the last few months trying to juggle my two personas and I'm hoping that will work out without too many mishaps! I'm still committed to writing erotic adventures and exploring the impact sex has on people, but I'll also be writing some stories that will be able to be read by my more conservative family and friends - no sex, little swearing, less confronting.

On January 10th, Secret Confessions Down and Dusty - Lucky is released. This story is a lot tamer than what I usually write but the series and these characters seemed to create a tamer tale. I hope you'll enjoy it still. Lucky is a publican in a tiny town in outback Queensland, Australia. She's got to be tough to run the pub her father left her, but in her youth she made some choices that hurt. It's made her tougher and given her 'rules' that she plays by. I liked writing about Lucky and seeing how she ticked. She's a bit prickly on the outside but friendly and giving inside - once you get to know her. I'd love to know how you find her.

And then sometime soon my cuckold story, Michael's Moment, should appear in Rose Caraway's Tonight She's Yours anthology. I'm looking forward to reading the other stories in this because I was fascinated by the theme. I got a bit lost in the fun of research for this one and I found myself not completely understanding the thrill the husband got from this scenario. I'm hoping someone can light his mind up for me. I took the part of the wife, Janice, in my story and wrote from her perspective. She doesn't understand why her husband wants to do this, but she goes along with his plan and I'm pretty sure she enjoyed herself a lot! I'd also love to know how you find this anthology.

I haven't got anything else completely, so that's all in the pipeline for 2016. But I hope to submit something in the middle of the year, which should give me something out in early 2017. And if I get inspired, I'm sure they might be a short snippet on the blog, or in the wild things we do with teh Naughty Ninjas. You just never know what will pop up...and that's the thrill of the start of the year - what will it bring?

I hope 2016 brings good things, the things you want and the things you need. I hope your dreams become real. I hope the year is kind, the weather gorgeous and all in your life is well and happy.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Thanks for supporting me :)

Wildlife Wednesday - Fruit Bats

Earlier this year when we were in Cairns there was this tree decorated with fruit bats. I had to go and stand under it and sniff.

Years ago, I raised two fruit bats in 2 different seasons. Their scent is something that I loved. It's part fermented fruit, part musty, part sweet. It's like the scent of horse, you can never really describe it.

So, standing under that tree with hundreds of bats above me, I reflected on my baby bats. This is one of them testing her wings.

They arrived small enough to fit snugly in the palm of my hand. They needed a 'dummy' (a specially made bat teat that fitted to a small bottle top) because when they're with their mothers, they're permanently attached to the mother's nipple and held there on her chest. They needed to be wrapped snugly in a man's handkerchief (like swaddling a baby) because the mother would hang for most of the day, upside down with her wings wrapped around her bub.

Fruit bats are highly intelligent. They were by far the most intelligent (and affectionate) animal I've ever raised. They scratch - a lot - but that's just because they have only claws for movement (aside from wings). They're feet have claws. On their wing is a "thumb" with a hook on it which they use for hanging head up (for toileting) and movement.

Now, fruit bats are associated with animal-to-human viruses and I don't go near them. But for those years I did, they were absolutely gorgeous.

ABC presenter, Richard Morecroft wrote a book about his fruit bat (flying fox) raising experience - Raising Archie. While he raised Archie, he often read the news with the bat swaddled in a hanky and snuggled against his shirt :)

Phallic Friday - SBS sexuality channel

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope you and yours enjoy a very special day. I'll be driving around visiting family and feasting before waddling home to snooze! I hope you have great plans.



I couldn't omit a Phallic Friday post, so just a quick one today. I recently learned that SBS has a sexuality channel. You can find out more here.

As I'm writing this, I know nothing about it, but I'll be checking it out. After complaining about the lack of sex education on TV, this was a huge, but welcome, shock. I'll let you know more :)

Oh, okay, maybe it's a sexuality webpage that shows you a list of shows that are coming on, plus discussions about relevant shows. Anyway, still a marvelous idea!

Wildlife Wednesday - lusting lizards

I don't even remember how I managed to score this photo. I think I heard the rustling of leaves and was surprised to catch these guys in their amorous tangle.