Cate Ellink's Blog, page 33

Phallic Friday - being a woman

Today's post is inspired by a peculiar article I read on the news.com.au website. You can read it here.

A male comedian wasn't having much luck on the dating app, Tinder, so he thought he might create a female profile and see if he could learn something.

From the small amount of detail in this article, I think he learned far more than he expected about the slime-balls some women have to put up with on social media.

He received over 400 messages - heaps of date requests, most given in a manner than horrified him. He thought some suggestions should be illegal. I read them and shrugged. They seemed kind of normal for the weird people who hound you on social media.

It's not easy being a woman. There's an expectation that you should always 'look your best' which to most people means make up, body-hugging clothes, and uncomfortable shoes. Yet, when you dress like that, and attract attention, you're said to be 'asking for it'. There's some fine line between looking your best and attracting attention that is impossible to find.

I'm useless at conforming and rarely go to any effort to 'look my best' and still I attract the weirdos who want to leave all sorts of ridiculous suggestions for me. Facebook is full of these types, and it's not even a dating service! I hate to think what Tinder would be like.

Being a woman isn't easy. As I think this poor guy discovered! Good for him for having a go and seeing what it was like from the other side.

Do you get harassed by strange men wanting to do odd things?

Wildlife Wednesday - Dolphins

There's something magical about dolphins. When we were in Cairns, I booked on a sailing vessel out to Green Island but no wind meant it was motored, but no matter. I was looking for a small group and that's what I got.

Coming home, we came across a pod of dolphins. And when I say came across, the Captain stopped the boat and waited for the dolphins to come and play.

The crew leaned over and called and yeehaaed and explained that these dolphins knew them and enjoyed riding the bow waves. I knew dolphins enjoyed riding bow waves...but I didn't know they came when called. These ones did (sort of like Flipper of you're that old!).

We were towing a dinghy out the back, and while everyone crowded around the front of the boat and oohed and ahhed over the amazing animals, out the back, quietly cruising on the bow wave of the dinghy were a couple more dolphins completely out of the limelight.

The ones who worked the crowd, worked hard. The rode the waves, drifted out for photos, came back in. They hung around for maybe 20 minutes. And not a soul on that boat wasn't captivated. You can see in the second picture that everyone is there, right on the edge, jammed up tight, just to watch these animals.

I wonder what makes them everyone's favourite? Is it that they seem to interact with people? Is it that they often travel in groups, which may be families? Is it that they have no capacity to bite us? Is it the popular media coverage they've always enjoyed?

Earlier in the day three white tip reef sharks circled the boat and I was pretty much the only person taking photos and being amazed by them. A dolphin and a shark don't look that different to make everyone love one and hate/fear the other. It's an interesting observation I made that day. It made me feel a bit sorry for the poor old shark.

Any ideas?

Sunday Story - writing quickly

I've been thinking a lot lately about writing quickly. It's something I haven't mastered.

Well, actually, I can write quickly...but it's pretty one-dimensional. I need time to go back and layer upon layer upon layer. There are so many things I miss in that first quick write.

Some of the things I miss are:
emotiondepth ie making the story and characters deeper than what I come up with first offcharacter nuancesrepetition by the bucket fullexplanations as to why/how things are happeningcreating a smooth emotional arc for the characters (in my first drafts they're mad, then happy within seconds for no fathomable reason)descriptions of people and clothes and stuff like thatmixing it up, so it's not the same words and phrases and actions used I think they're pretty important things in telling a good story.

I've read a couple of books lately where the writing is good, but the characters are missing something, or their emotional arc is jerky and not quite right. Do you know the ones? Where you read but you're not totally into the characters, there's something just not quite right.

And then I was thinking about the speed of publication in the digital age. Mostly self-publishing, where the current advice is to have a book out every 3 months. I can't do that. Not if I want my story to be more than one dimensional, and miss out on that list plus whatever else I put on that list.

Maybe I'm a slow writer, or thinker. I can crack out a 100K in 3 months if I get a good run. I did one in 6 weeks once when I needed to purge. It was shit, but it was written.

Maybe it's because I don't plot it out first, but my first drafts aren't always right. Who am I kidding? They're never right. I need to go back and tighten the story, make sure things are put in early that I might need later on. I sometimes need to ditch a whole bit where I wandered down the wrong path. Usually I need to restructure the whole ending. I never have my characters reacting properly, I always have to smooth that out and go over and over to get the emotional responses right.

None of that happens in a hurry. If I can write in 6 weeks, then it takes twice that to edit and tweak it - at least.

So I'm at nearly 5 months for 100K book, minimum. If I'm waiting on people to read and critique, add in a few more weeks. I'd be lucky to get 2 books out a year. Sure, I have a day job and I don't write 7 days a week, or in every spare minute. I have a husband who deserves some attention ;)

All that thinking has me looking at a lot of self-published books in a new light. Are they first drafts? Is that why they're missing the highly nuanced bits that I require to enjoy them? Am I a book snob wanting this extra?

I suspect I am a book snob. I belong to a book group. I read, dissect and analyse every story. I want value for my money. I want a book to transport me places, with people I want to spend time with.

After saying all this, I don't believe what I produce is perfect. I find flaws as soon as they're gone. But I'm hoping each story improves as I learn more. I'm hoping that one day I can produce books I won't want to change. Maybe I need to look at other authors that way too. *sigh* I'm so hard on people.

Do you have any thoughts?

Phallic Friday - responses to sex

This is a topic I keep coming back to because people  have such a strange reaction to sex, and it confuses and confounds me. So I keep writing, hoping to one day understand.


I have a review for Lucky that confuses me. Now the blurb of Lucky says something like "From Australia's hottest writers..." It's fairly clear, if not crystal clear, that we're talking steamy stories here. Yet there's a review that says, 3 stars "...only based on and around the erotic style of writing."

What was the person expecting? A sweet romance?

It goes on to say they wanted more character development - and that's fair enough - but they bought a 10K short erotic story. The focus of an erotic story is sex. If I don't deliver on that promise, then I'm not writing in the erotic genre. You don't get much character development in 10 000 words. You get a scene, a snapshot, and a bucketful of sex.

I've seen a few other girls in the same series receive reviews criticising the story for having too much sex...wonder what these readers expected they were buying?

And this is the thing...people are uncomfortable with sex. Reading it, writing it, talking about it. But I've been finding, in my real life, that if I break the ice just a tiny bit, sometimes others dip their toes in.

Tonight at bookgroup we'd read "The Household Guide to Dying" and there was a line in there that made me laugh as I was crying. Debra Adelaide is writing about a woman who has cancer and is in her last days, and she's thinking of her husband and wishing they'd had more sex because for the last 3 years, she's been so focussed on fighting cancer that sex didn't feature. The line says, "Or what about his glorious cock, its satiny folds when at rest, the smooth tip that remained like silken velvet despite years and years of friction."

I was crying reading the start of the sentence but by friction, I was snorting with laughter. So I took the line to book group and asked if they minded if I read the rude bits. They giggled. I read the line. More giggling...and then we discussed. We didn't discuss the poignancy, the memory of the woman. No, we discussed whether or not the friction caused the smooth tip, or if it would be like that without friction. Funny!

And I felt there was a victory. Even if it was tiny. One day they might even read a Cate Ellink story :)

Wildlife Wednesday - little fish

First up, sorry I neglected Friday. I am battling post-holiday lethargy and a cold/flu, and trying to keep up with my other self...and it all crashed down on Friday.

So, I've decided that there's no beating myself up. When I can't get something done, it just won't happen, although I will try my best to keep on top of things.

So, today...

Our river is open to the sea at the moment, or it was and I haven't got down there post holidays, and that means a blast of clean water into this usually stagnant end. And this means lots more life - fish, crustaceans, birds, plant life, etc. It's always fascinating to me to watch the river come to life again. This is the second time we've got to see it in the last 7 years.

So, the other week we were exploring and tucked in under a heap of weed and Juncus spp. plants, was a school of tiny fish. I don't know if you can see them well in the top photo - they're in the middle to top of the photo, especially the right side. I shoved my camera underwater and snapped some shots of them there (bottom pic).

Rivers, estuaries, mangrove systems, are all places of vital importance for rivers and oceans, and us. They're the nursery grounds for so many species. We go in and chop down so many mangrove areas because they smell at low tide, block the view, look unsightly, etc etc, when in actual fact they're doing a job that is vital to survival.

Little fish need shelter to survive - plant roots, weeds, rocks, etc - and if we remove those things, predators get them, life cycles break. So we need these nursery zones kept clean and unaffected to allow plentiful fish stocks, crustaceans, even birds.

That's one thing I love seeing when the river opens - new life. It's fantastic. So many babies getting a start. So much of life continuing. It'll be sad when the river closes up again and stagnates...but hopefully it'll open again in the not too distant future!

Wildlife Wednesday - Garden Orb Spider (picture)

I have this really huge, ugly spider on my verandah at the moment. I've been taking pictures, then Mr E told me I had to find out what he was because he was so ugly it even had him intrigued (and taking photos - he took this one of the spider).

So, the trusty Australian Museum site came through for me again. This fellow is the Garden Orb Spider, you can find out more here.

These guys are only seen mid to late summer and make huge webs (which I photographed with glorious rain droplets in it yesterday). The spider hides up on the posts, all tucked up, through the day. But at night, he's big and beautiful (?) in his huge web, just as the museum site says.

Hmm, I think it's also called the Garden Orb Weaving Spider, because the same photo is used on that site too (here). Here's some life cycle info from the webpage -

"The lifespan of a female Garden Orb Weaver is about twelve months. A female lays her eggs in late summer to autumn. The eggs are encased in a fluffy silken cocoon and attached to foliage. During autumn, the spiderlings hatch and disperse by ballooning (floating on the breeze using small silk strands as "balloons"), and build their own tiny orb webs among vegetation and wait out the winter. During spring the spiderlings start to develop more quickly and they mature in summer.  The cycle then begins again, the adult females mate and lay their eggs.  Adult females usually die off in autumn - early winter. Males and females are similar in size."

I'll have to keep an eye out for the eggs and the spiderlings.

Sunday Story - author talks

I'm just home after attending an author talk...and I'm a little horrified to say the least. I need to debrief.

I see an author talk as a publicity/promo opportunity, so you're selling not only yourself but your stories. I think this author felt the same because they started by thanking the host for that opportunity. And then I got lost. The author had notes - pages of them - but the talk was a waffle fest.

I know about the author's parents, and early life. They spoke of their career, and how and why they wrote their first book. And then I got lost. There were two books out and we seemed to swing between one and then the other. There wasn't a timeline, so although I could see book one on the table, the author never told us how it came to be there. When they spoke of this book, it had been rejected by many agents, including a film option. I could guess from the process that it was a time ago, but was never sure when - until right at the end. It was written 30 years ago, self-published last year (still no clue how this happened).

And Book 2, I can't tell you what that was about. I know it's book 1 in a 4-book series, and I know there are 15 characters and although that's been criticised, it was necessary. As to the story line, I have no idea.

Someone asked the author about the editing services provided by Amazon. The author responded by saying that for the first book, editing was fabulous. There was a package and it just did it. For the second book, it was a fight to get it done, but eventually someone called CreateSpace did it, but sadly, they used American spelling and punctuation. There are commas put in American places. And out of 108 000 words, 200 were changed to Americanisms. (To them 200 was a huge number of words; I was shocked it was so few). The author then said how fabulous the promo was on Amazon because if you typed in author and book name, you got all this information about the book, including reviews.

I was cringing in my seat by now. Amazon doesn't offer an editing service because it isn't a publishing house. In effect, all Amazon is, is an electronic bookshop. CreateSpace is an environment where you can turn your book into a printed form and it can be sold through Amazon. The American punctuation beat me completely but it could be commas after dialogue, a publishing thing not an American thing. And Amazon's promo - dear lord, that's just how the book is listed for every book on there. If you want promo, you need to pay for that.

I was horrified to see someone giving such a talk to people who wanted to be writers. I've sat in talks like that before and you believe what someone tells you because 'they're published'. But this author didn't have a clue about the industry, and was offering incorrect information.

I can never say anything in this situation. I cringe and wish I was elsewhere. But so much is being said with authority, that isn't right...and so I should have the guts to stand up and say that. Although, maybe it's up to the audience to be discerning. I just don't know what to do in these situations.

But I'm ever so grateful to RWA for the education I've received in the past 8 years. I wouldn't be published if I hadn't joined this amazing group. I wouldn't know half what I know without becoming involved.

If I ever give an author talk, please let me remember not to waffle and not to speak on things I don't understand.

Have you ever been in this situation? What have you done?

Phallic Friday - inspiration

I get all sorts of inspiration in all places - even the craziest thing might spark something in my mind. You probably know from the range of weird posts you find on here from time to time - oh, okay, every week then!

Lately I've been inspired to raunchy thoughts by a bloke (strange I know ;) ). I've no idea what it is about him that makes me think of sex. I wouldn't say he's attractive, but he has some way of looking at me, some intensity in the gaze, that flicks ideas into my head. And no, he doesn't look like Cooper Cronk or Peter Sterling!!

And then on my recent holidays, we went on a helicopter flight and the pilot's job got me thinking story ideas and I mixed that up with my raunchy thoughts.

Inspiration happens at the weirdest moments.

Anyway, a helicopter pilot would be a fun kind of job - it has a Top Gun element which makes it even more fun. I'm a fan of that movie especially the bar scene where Kelly McGillis gives Tom a serve after he thinks he's God's gift to women - crash and burn! :)

Anyway, what if the pilot had a look that made the heroine think of sex? And what if they hooked up? And the sex was hot so they stayed together. What if she hadn't factored in caring about him and thought she was only there for the sex and the travel? And what if... and what if... There are so many story lines.

There you go, inspiration for a new story!

Do you ever get inspired about sex?

Wildlife Wednesday - more bugs

I've been on a holiday - a driving holiday - and I loved it because I got to tick things off my bucket list and I saw some awesome places!

We drove around the coast of Victoria, the state in south-eastern Australia. We didn't do every town and peninsula, but we did something like 3500 km in 9 days. Mr E loves driving - me, I prefer to be sedentary, but I do love to check out new places...and sometimes that means driving lots and lots and lots!

Anyway, along my travels, we stayed in a farm house near Timboon (which is just off the coast, north of Port Campbell where the 12 Apostles are on the Great Ocean Road). I was pretty shattered because me and winding roads are not good friends and we'd done a lot of winding roads that day, so a farm house was perfect (even though it was an extra 20 km of winding road - but there was no room in town!). The farm house was old, and huge, and all for us. They were doing up the gardens and in need of fresh air and space, I went exploring. I'm pretty fond of farms, and gardens, so this was a joy.

There were heaps of these bugs on roses but they hid beneath the leaves and made photos tough. I tried and took a lot, but none were much good. So in disgust, I walked away. A few garden beds later, here they were on gorgeous open blooms, in sunshine, looking spectacular.

I thought they looked like a variation of the Harlequin Bug (Dindymus versicolor) but I wasn't sure. Now I just did a google and it looks like they might be a juvenile instar of the Harlequin Bug (one of the growth stages before it makes an adult). You can check it out here.

So, I had a lovely trip and got a great story idea...might talk about that on Friday/Sunday...and I loved catching bugs with my camera! It made a good contrast to the scenery. Here are the 12 Apostles (named this even if there aren't 12 of them, and never were!), and me being blown away there (with random tourists)!

Phallic Friday - sex and numbers

How often do you think about sex?
How many times a day/week/month/year do you have sex?
How many partners have you had?
How many orgasms?
How many...
How often...
How big...
How small...
How...

We're a bit of a society obsessed by numbers and answers and being 'normal'. We compete to be 'the best' by doing the most, or going the furthest, or lasting the longest. We have to fit a mould or risk being different.

Is it just me noticing that this is getting worse?

I've always been a thinker on that Meyers-Briggs personality thing...but with sex, I'm a feeler. I think if there was a personality sex test, I'd be not a thinker at all. Numbers don't bother me. I don't try to compete. I'm more into how it feels.

I don't have a set number of times I think about sex - some days it might be heaps, some days it might be not at all (okay, maybe just a few times then).

I don't have a set amount of sex that I require daily/weekly/monthly/annually.

I don't keep count of sexual partners. I'm not even sure what is the definition of a sexual partner - do you have to have penetrative sex to be a partner? And only once, or does it need to be more often?

I'm not sure I know how big, or how often, or how small, or how many.

Am I just weird?